rgu - managing emotions workshop

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CONTENTS SECTION 1 Workshop Purpose/Benefits/Objectives 2 Summary of Workshop 3 SECTION 2 Actions for Personal Development 4 Behaviour 7 Emotional Intelligence 8 Behavioural Styles 11 Moments of Awareness 17 SECTION 3 Benefits of Taking Notice of Visual Behaviours 18 Rapport 21 The Three Basic Behaviours 25 Sequence of Communication 29 SECTION 4 RGU Leadership Development Workshops Managing Emotions 1

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Page 1: RGU - Managing Emotions Workshop

CONTENTSSECTION 1 Workshop Purpose/Benefits/Objectives 2Summary of Workshop 3

SECTION 2 Actions for Personal Development 4 Behaviour 7 Emotional Intelligence 8 Behavioural Styles 11 Moments of Awareness 17

SECTION 3Benefits of Taking Notice of Visual Behaviours 18 Rapport 21 The Three Basic Behaviours 25 Sequence of Communication 29

SECTION 4 Johari Window 31 Receiving Feedback 34 Influencing Skills 37 Stress Management 42

SECTION 5 Workshop Evaluation Further Reading

WORKSHOP PURPOSERGU Leadership Development WorkshopsManaging Emotions

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To provide managers with practical skills to enable them to build and maintain constructive working relationships and so increase the opportunities for greater success.

WORKSHOP BENEFITSRelationships with colleagues and customers are critical factors that influence work effectiveness and career success and job satisfaction.

WORKSHOP OBJECTIVESThe objectives of the workshop are to enable participants to:

have a thorough knowledge of their personal working style understand the concept of emotional intelligence and how to use it

to become more effective at work recognise personal emotions and their effects on behaviour respond positively to the different working styles of others build trust and mutual understanding using rapport building

techniques adapt behaviour to gain maximum benefit from interactions with

others solicit and receive feedback constructively

SUMMARY OF WORKSHOP

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This workshop is designed to promote an increased insight into the role that emotions play in your personal effectiveness, ways you can develop enhanced influencing skills and implement significant change personally and with others.

IQ and Emotional Intelligence are complementary capabilities, together they can increase your ability to succeed.

In order to be able to manage yourself it helps to have a clear understanding of your personal behaviour and style, its strengths and weaknesses and the impact that this style has on others. As part of this self-analysis, feedback from others will be vitally important in order to help you understand how others see you. As a result of this insight you will be more able to adapt your style and behaviour to deal with people with different styles.

Building credibility, trust and a personal network will help you develop effective working relationships. Building working relationships is particularly important today as

There is an increased need to work collectively with a wide range of people

You are less able to rely on traditional sources of power and authority

Creating win/win relationships is more likely to gain short and long- term positive results.

It gets things done!

In addition, the way that you communicate with others will have a big impact on your ability to work with them. Whether you are dealing with colleagues, students, team members or your manager, your ability to communicate with them will affect the way they think of you and will be a major factor in determining whether or not you can influence them. Interpersonal skills such as listening and questioning are key to your ability to communicate and interact with others.

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ACTIONS FOR PERSONAL DEVELOPMENTPurposeDuring the workshop we will explore a wide range of ideas to help you become more effective; in addition ideas will come to you, "ah-ha" moments, which you need to capture straight away.

Experience shows that you will benefit most from these ideas if you immediately start planning how to use them.

Your TaskDuring the session, use the attached proforma to note down:

ideas which strike you as being particularly useful how you are going to make them work for you when you intend to put these learning points into practice

Be as specific as possible in noting what you will need to do to change from what you are doing now.

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ACTIONS FOR PERSONAL DEVELOPMENTKey Learning Point Action By When

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Key Learning Point Action By When

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BEHAVIOURYour behaviour, together with your appearance, is the only bit of you that other people can see.

No-one can ever see your motives, your thoughts, your attitudes or your feelings. People can only see the behaviour that results from these things.

As adults we have adopted a set of behaviours and responses, sometimes we stop consciously thinking if these are helping us and this may result in us blaming others when we have difficulties and going into “default mode” rather than actively taking responsibility for choosing our own behaviour, giving ourselves excuses like “take me as you find me” “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks” and “its best to be honest to yourself”. Your behaviour can help or hinder your effectiveness and your interactions with others, you choose.

This behaviour is an external manifestation of your internal processes, real success comes from managing the internal, however managing the external can give short term or superficial improvement.

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BEHAVIOUR

THOUGHTSMOTIVES

ATTITUDESFEELINGSVALUES

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EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCEEmotional intelligence – the ability to manage ourselves and our relationships effectively – consists of four fundamental capabilities: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness and social skill. Each capability, in turn, is composed of specific sets of competencies. Below is a list of the capabilities and their corresponding traits.

Self-Awareness Emotional self-awareness: the ability to read and understand your

emotions as well as recognise their impact on work performance, relationships and the like.

Accurate self-assessment: a realistic evaluation of your strengths and limitations.

Self-confidence: a strong and positive sense of self-worth.

Self-Management Self-control: the ability to keep disruptive emotions and impulses under

control. Trustworthiness: a consistent display of honesty and integrity. Conscientiousness: the ability to manage yourself and your

responsibilities. Adaptability: skill at adjusting to changing situations and overcoming

obstacles. Achievement orientation: the drive to meet an internal standard of

excellence. Initiative: a readiness to seize opportunities.

Social Awareness Empathy: skill at sensing other people’s emotions, understanding their

perspective and taking an active interest in their concerns. Organisational awareness: the ability to read the currents of

organisational life, build decision networks and navigate politics. Service orientation: the ability to recognise and meet customer’s

needs.

Social Skill

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Visionary leadership: the ability to take charge and inspire with a compelling vision.

Influence: the ability to wield a range of persuasive tactics. Developing others: the propensity to bolster the abilities of others

through feedback and guidance. Communication: skill at listening and at sending clear, convincing and

well-tunes messages. Change catalyst: proficiency at initiating new ideas and leading people

in a new direction. Conflict management: the ability to de-escalate disagreements and

orchestrate resolutions. Building bonds: proficiency at cultivating and maintaining a web of

relationships. Teamwork and collaboration: competence at promoting cooperation

and building teams.

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Benefits of improved self-awareness and self-management are:

recognising feelings in a timely way handling them appropriately aligning them towards personal goals shaking off negative feelings using energy more effectively increasing productivity bouncing back more quickly

Benefits of improved social awareness and social skill are:

being more tuned in to social signals enhanced empathy increased influence enhanced ability to handle the emotions of others improved leadership

“There has never been any doubt that, under certain circumstances, emotions can disrupt reasoning …Yet research indicates that reduction in emotion may constitute an equally important source of irrational behaviour. In truth, reasoning/decision-making and emotion/feeling ‘intersect’ in the brain. There is a collection of systems in the brain dedicated to the goal-orientated thinking process we call reasoning, and to the response selection we call decision-making. This same collection of brain systems is also involved in emotion and feeling. Feelings and emotion are a powerful influence on reason. I see feelings as having a truly privileged status. They retain a primacy that pervades our mental life. Feelings have a say on how the rest of the brain and cognition go about their business. Their influence is immense.”

Dr. Antonio R Domasio, Head of Neurology, University of Iowa College of Medicine

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BEHAVIOURAL STYLES - QUESTIONNAIRE(EXERCISE)

Purpose

This questionnaire will help you in planning how to be as effective as possible when dealing with other people.

By understanding your own style, and the style of people you deal with, you can be more successful at getting agreement and commitment.

Your Task

Think of a specific person you like, perhaps a work colleague or a good friend. With this person in mind, please look at each line on the following two-page questionnaire.

Each line has words at each end which are opposites. For example, the first line of the questionnaire goes from "Formal" to "Informal". Where would you put the person you are thinking about?

If you think the person is very formal, put a plus (+) sign in box 0 or 1. If you think they are very informal, put a + in box 9 or 10. If you think they are somewhere in between, put a plus (+) sign in the most suitable box.

Do not spend too much time thinking about each line; what is important is that you put down how you see this person.

Now think of a person you dislike or perhaps find it difficult to get on with, and repeat the exercise. This time mark the appropriate box with a minus (-) sign.

Finally, repeat the exercise. This time, rate yourself as you think others see you. Mark the appropriate box with a capital (I).

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Rating Self Controlled and Spontaneous Behaviour

0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Formal Informal

Controlled Responsive

Disciplined Spontaneous

Head Orientated

Gut Or Heart Orientated

Appears Organised

Appears Disorganised

Reserved Impulsive

Withholds Feelings

Expresses Feelings

Task Orientated

Relationship Orientated

Cold

Warm

Distant Close

Page Totals: Person 1Person 2Person 3

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Rating easy going and dominant behaviour

0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Passive And Gentle

Aggressive And Pushy

Hesitant And Quiet Communicator

Communicates And Talks Readily

Appears Shy Appears Confident

Submissive And Relaxed

Authoritative And Assertive

Goes Along Takes Charge

Asks Questions

Makes Statements

Accepts Others Views

Challenges Others Views

Subdued/ Stand-offish

Overbearing

Appears Thoughtful

Appears Active

Indirect Direct

Page Totals: Person 1Person 2Person 3

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Plotting the styles

Your answers to the questionnaire can be turned into a 'picture' of the person you were thinking about.

Each tick for the person scores the number at the top of the column. Add up the total score for each person separately on the first page of the questionnaire and write it at the bottom of the page. Now do the same for the second page.

Mark the score for the first page ("Self Control-Spontaneous") on the vertical side (Y Axis) of the Behavioural Style Box. Mark the score for the second page ("Easy Going - Dominant") on the horizontal side (X Axis) of the Behavioural Style Box.

The position of the person concerned is at the intersection of these two plots. Mark the position on the graph.

Behavioural styles box

Spontaneous 100

75

Y

50

25 Self- Controlled

00 25 50 75 100Easy Going Dominant

X

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BEHAVIOURAL STYLESPotential strengths and weaknesses

You can be perceived by others to have the strengths or weaknesses (or both) of your 'style'. It all depends on what you do and how you do it.

AMIABLE

Strength WeaknessSupportive SoftDependable SubmissiveAgreeable IndecisiveHelpful Undisciplined

EXPRESSIVE

Strength Weakness Ambitious ManipulativeStimulating ExcitableEnthusiastic EgotisticalAmusing Flippant

ANALYST

Strength Weakness Serious DullIndustrious CriticalPersistent PedanticExacting Over-detailed

DRIVER

Strength WeaknessDetermined ArrogantEfficient HardDecisive DominatingPractical Unsympathetic

EASY GOING DOMINANT

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SELF-CONTROLLED

SPONTANEOUS

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BEHAVIOURAL STYLESDealing With Different Styles

Amiable Expressive Smile Reflect their enthusiasm Be relaxed Adopt a positive attitude Show interest in the person Return their humour Be prepared to lead the discussion Be open and direct Suggestions, not statements DO NOT be cold with them

GENTLY pin them down Be ready to bring them back to the business

Find out what ‘yes’ really means Build on their ideas

Summarise frequently Agree the agreement in specific terms

Be prepared to talk ‘social’ Be challenging

Analyst Driver

Avoid question and answer session Do not waste time Keep to broad issues Talk about WORK, not SOCIAL Motivate them Not too many smiles Do not laugh until they do Come quickly to the point Be more formal and serious Do not contradict Ask them questions Be positive Find out what is important to them Do not be too relaxed Do not hurry them Make the answer their idea Have a strong agenda / structure When the business is over; Go!

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MOMENTS OF AWARENESS

When developing emotional intelligence, this is a useful aide-memoire that helps you to remember to focus your attention on what exactly is happening at any given moment and highlights where your attention is in relation to it. This practice, although very simple, is potentially a very powerful tool in terms of keeping you focused.

1 What is happening right now?

What am I doing right now? What am I seeing right now? What am I hearing right now? What am I feeling right now? What responses am I getting from others?

2 What do I want right now?

What is my outcome?

3 How is what I am doing taking me closer to what I want?

Make a choice in response to this.

4 "I choose .........."

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BENEFITS OF TAKING NOTICE OF VISUAL BEHAVIOURSIf you become more aware of visual behaviours you stand to gain in two different ways:

People find it easier to control what they say than to conceal their visual behaviours. This being so, if you pay attention to the visual aspects of their behaviour you can gather lots of extra information that helps you to understand what they really mean and how they are really feeling. Visual behaviours are a real give away, so pay attention to the signals sent by others in response to your behaviour and adapt accordingly.

Even though visual behaviours are undoubtedly more difficult to control, you can train yourself to use visual behaviours that help rather than hinder your transactions.

HOW TO CONTROL YOUR VISUAL BEHAVIOUR

The secret of success is to concentrate on some simple combinations. If you do just one thing in isolation it probably will not have the desired effect because people gain a general, overall impression from a combination of:

your facial expression and head movements gestures with your hands and arms the rest of your body including your legs.

All three aspects need to be practised so that it all comes together to give the right impression.

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WHICH VISUAL BEHAVIOURS TO AVOID

You may be in the habit of using some visual behaviours that run the risk of giving the other person a poor impression of you. Watch the response you are getting from others, are you sending negative or conflicting signals. You may be totally unaware of which visual behaviours are letting you down. Check to see how often you do some of the following.

People will tend to see you as defensive if you:Face and headDon’t look at the other person.Avoid eye contact or immediately look away when it happens.Hands and armsClench you hands.Cross your arms.Constantly rub an eye, nose or ear.BodyLean away from the other person.Cross your legs.Swivel your feet towards the door.

People will tend to see you as anxious if you:Face and headBlink your eyes frequently.Lick your lips.Keep clearing your throat.Hands and armsOpen and close your hands frequently.Put your hand over your mouth while speaking.Tug at an ear.BodyFidget in your chair.Jig your feet up and down.

People will tend to see you as aggressive if you:Face and bodyStare at the other person.Have a wry “I’ve heard it all before” type smile.Raise your eyebrows in exaggerated amazement or disbelief.Look over the top of spectacles.

Hands and armsThump your fist on the table.Rub the back of your neck.BodyStand while the other person remains seated.Stride around.If seated, lean right back with both hands behind your head and legs splayed.

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WHICH VISUAL BEHAVIOURS TO USE

If you want to come across at friendly and co-operative adopt the following combinations:Face and headLook at the other person’s face.Smile.Nod your head as the other person is talking.Hands and armsHave open hands.Hand to face occasionally.Uncrossed arms.BodyUncrossed legs.Lean forward slightly.Move closer to the other person.

If you want to appear confident adopt the following combinations:Face and headLook into the other person’s eyes.Don’t blink your eyes.Thrust your chin forward.Hand and armsKeep hands away from your face.“Steeple” your fingertips together.If standing, have hands together behind you in an ‘at ease’ position.BodyIf seated, lean back with legs out in front of you.If standing, keep straight.Stay still, no sudden movements, no wriggling.

If you want to appear thoughtful try the following combinations:Face and headWhen listening, look at the other person for about three quarters of the time.Tilt your head to one side slightly.Hands and armsHand to cheek.Slowly stroke your chin or pinch the bridge of your nose.If you wear spectacles, take them off and put an earframe in your mouth.BodyLean forward to speak.Lean back to listen.Keep your legs still (no jiggling).

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RAPPORT

Levels of Rapport

Cosily warmBest Warmfor Understandingbusiness Lukewarm

NeutralCool

Conflict

Matching/Mirroring- a spontaneous occurring phenomenon when Rapport exists.

Verbal- voice tone/ tempo/volumelanguage patters (e.g. see, hear, feel)

Non-Verbal- Posture- gestures/rhythm- breathing rate/position- eye movements

Beliefs/Values

“The process of establishing and maintaining a relationship of mutual trust and understanding between two or more parties” Genie Z Laborde, Influencing with Integrity.

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RAPPORTRapport is the ability to appreciate things from another person's point of view. It does not necessarily mean that you will automatically agree with them. However, it does mean that you are much more likely to accept their feelings and be able to communicate with them easily. Equally, it will increase the likelihood that they will understand what you wish to communicate to them.

People in rapport tend to match each other at many different levels. You may have noticed that when you have been in rapport with someone that your non-verbal behaviour was like a mirror reflection of each other. In fact this occurrence is called mirroring.

People match each other not only in their non-verbal behaviour but also in their choice of language, the way they speak, their style of movement, their values and beliefs and even in their breathing patterns.

Although there may be some people with whom you naturally find yourself in rapport, there will be others with whom rapport does not naturally exist. With these people it can be useful to create an atmosphere of rapport by deliberately matching some of these elements. For example if you are faced with someone who is sitting back with their head resting on their hand it would be in-line with them to adopt a similar pose whereas if you were to sit forward with your hands across the desk it might feel threatening to them. Similarly if you are talking to someone who speaks in a deliberate firm voice you will increase rapport by doing the same.

Other examples of matching

Values: For someone who values openness matching would mean either being open in what you say, the way that you say it or in your comments about openness.

Beliefs: In dealing with someone who believes that 'the way to do business is by trusting people' it would increase rapport if you were to give examples of the ways in which you demonstrate trust in others and in them.

Breathing: If you are faced with someone whose breathing is deep and low you will more likely share their feelings by adopting a breathing pattern that is similar.

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BUILDING RAPPORT – “ME” v “YOU” RESPONSES

Example of a “me” type response

Example of a “you” type response

1. That’s a load of rubbish!

2. That’s not fair!

3. You’re always finding fault!

4. Nobody ever gives praise when it goes well

5. I’ve got a lot to do. Will it take long?

6. Everybody else agrees with me, it’s just that I’m the only one who speaks up

7. I’ve got enough to do without taking on more work

8. Other people get away with it so why should I be made to suffer?

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BUILDING RAPPORT – CHECKLISTAsk open questionsThose that begin with who, what, why, how, where or when. Or ‘please tell me more about…’Examples

Listen actively and reflectivelyUse your body language and ‘listening noises’ to show that you are interested and would like to hear more Examples

Pick up and follow themesShow that you are interested in pursuing the topics that the other person has raisedExamples

Self disclosureSay something about yourself – without hogging the conversationExamples

AdmissionsShow that you are human and not 100% perfect!Examples

MirroringWatch the other person’s non-verbal language and match their body movements and tone of voiceExamples

AGGRESSIVE, ASSERTIVE AND SUBMISSIVE BEHAVIOURRGU Leadership Development WorkshopsManaging Emotions

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The Three Basic Behaviours

When two or more people are involved in a relationship they will adopt a certain style of behaviour towards one another. One of the most fundamental characteristics of such behaviour is the respect that is shown for the other's rights or opinions.

There are three basic behaviours:

Underlying AttitudesAGGRESSIVE: "I have my rights, you have none" (Win-Lose)

ASSERTIVE: "I have my rights, you have yours"(Win-Win)

SUBMISSIVE: "You have your rights, I have none"(Lose-Win)

Definitive Behaviour

AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOUR expressing or imposing one's own needs, wants, opinions, feelings or

beliefs in an uncompromising or arrogant way ignoring or dismissing the needs, wants, etc. of others.

ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOUR stating one's own needs, wants, opinions, feelings or beliefs in an open

and honest way seeking and having regard for the needs, wants, etc. of others.

SUBMISSIVE BEHAVIOUR failing to state one's needs, wants, opinions, feelings or beliefs in an open

and honest way stating one's needs, wants, etc. in such a way that others can easily

ignore them.

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It is very common for people to believe they are adopting one style, but be perceived as being in another.

For example, you may believe you are being assertive and respecting others' opinions; they may perceive your forcefulness as being aggressive. This may in turn lead to their becoming aggressive and an 'escalation of aggression' occurring.

Recognising the Behaviour

Other people will - consciously or subconsciously - make a judgement on which style of behaviour you are adopting, and having made that judgement will react accordingly with a style of their own.

Judgement will be made as a result of what people see or hear, and you should therefore understand what - in other people's eyes - Aggressive, Assertive and Submissive look and sound like.

Aggressive Assertive Submissive

SoundsLike

Loud Few pauses Speaks over others Few questions, or

rhetorical questions Interrupts Imperatives: “We must” “You can’t” Contradicts

Firm Pauses for others Open questions Invites others’ opinions Asks permission before

interrupting Conditionals: “We could” “You might”

Apologetic Allows others to talk

over / interrupt Denigrates own

opinion Uncertain

LooksLike:

Stares Points Strong gestures Head forward Finger drumming Tightly folded arms Arm movement at /

above shoulder height

Shaking head in disagreement

Good eye contact Open hand gestures “Interested”

expression Nodding agreement Leaning slightly

forward Arm movement below

shoulder height Slow movements

Avoids eye contact Fidgets Tight, jerky hand

movements “Eager” nodding in

agreement Hunched shoulders

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The Influence of Behaviour

By speaking or acting in the ways described above, you may be perceived to be in that particular style regardless of where you think you are. Your own style of behaviour influences the style of the people you are meeting with, sometimes counter-productively.

For example, perceived aggression can result in submission by the other person, with result that only your views are heard and the other person 'retreats into their corner' and lowers their contribution to the meeting. Valuable information or opinions could be lost.

Alternatively, perceived aggression can lead to counter-aggression which can quickly lead to the business of the meeting becoming secondary to the inter-personal battle to win the argument.

Perceived submission can inspire arrogance and aggressive behaviour in others, again leading to interpersonals becoming an obstacle to an effective, productive meeting.

Assertiveness: Key to Success

A style of behaviour which respects others' rights, listens to their opinions and values their contributions whilst at the same time maintaining a similar level of respect for yourself, can be one of the most useful contributions to the success of a relationship.

The ability to avoid being drawn towards the counter-productive styles of aggression or submission can be enhanced simply by:

recognising the reasoning that makes you feel aggressive/submissive following an alternative reasoning route.

Some examples of the faulty reasoning that can lead to aggressiveness or submissiveness and alternatives that can be followed are shown below.

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FAULTYREASONING

BEHAVIOUR SOUNDREASONING

BEHAVIOUR

"He knows that's not true! I'm going to show him up"

AGGRESSIVE "That statement is not true: I will correct him without putting him down"

ASSERTIVE

"She really knows her stuff. I don't agree, but I wouldn't dare say so"

SUBMISSIVE "She expresses her views clearly. I will offer an alternative view so we can compare and discuss"

ASSERTIVE

"I'm the specialist in this field, so it's not worth asking anyone else"

AGGRESSIVE "I have a lot of knowledge, but others may have further information. I'll ask"

ASSERTIVE

"I don't understand! But if I ask, everyone will think I'm stupid, so I'll just keep nodding"

SUBMISSIVE "I don't understand, which is no reflection on me. I shall ask someone to explain"

ASSERTIVE

4-STEP ASSERTIVENESS TECHNIQUE

1. Show that you listened and understood.2. Describe what you think or feel about a situation, making your position

clear.3. Use the broken-record technique when you can’t move your position

on something.4. Aim towards a win/win outcome.

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SEQUENCE OF COMMUNICATIONSetting the boundaries Determining what is included within and what is excluded from the communication.

Establishing and maintaining rapport

Gathering information Through questioning and/or raised awareness

Specifying outcomes Identifying what each wants

Intervening Acting in a manner designed to move a person, group, or organisation from their present state to the desired state

Raise Questions that encourage persistent curiosityIf we raise questions not routinely but out of curiosity, we are more inclined to listen to the reply, and to inquire further into what has been said. This can be very difficult when tempers are running high. At these times it is useful to ask yourself: Am I really trying to understand the issue from the other person's perspective, or am I trying to gain an opportunity to put my point across?

Use questions to clarify the meaning people give to words We should remember that too often we assume that words only have one meaning. We are so reluctant to seem foolish so we do not have the courage to ask people what they mean. Much can be gained by listening carefully to the words people use, and by understanding the specific meaning they give to the words. Adopting those words during your conversation will strengthen the links between you and the other person.

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Be careful when asking 'Why' questions When we are asked 'why' we did something, it can feel as if we are being accused. Being asked 'why' can encourage people to come up with 'because' answers. The difficulty in situations of conflict is that 'because' answers often encourage people to ‘take a stand' thus maintaining their position. As an experiment, try for the next five days not to use the word 'why' when you ask questions. Take note of how you re-phrase your questions and whether or not you get more open and less hostile answers from people you used to find difficult.

Whilst our sense of justice may be well served by labelling certain individuals as 'difficult people', it greatly reduces our ability to work effectively with them. Coming to a different understanding of how communications works, and accepting our role in all communications, allows us to use our conflicts and differences to positive effect.

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JOHARI WINDOW QUESTIONNAIRE Self Analysis

Please read through the behaviours given below and mark yourself on a scale of 1 to 10 depending on which value you think best reflects your character.

A value of 10 would reflect the behaviour described as being extremely characteristic, 5 as being somewhat characteristic and 1 as being uncharacteristic.

1. Open and candid in dealings with others2. Respect and accept others' comments/reactions3. Tests for agreement rather than assumes it4. Freely admits when confused or lacking knowledge5. Keen to reveal own position on issues6. Takes initiative in asking for others' views7. Open in describing feelings about others' actions8. Makes relevant/pertinent contributions to issues9. Tries hard to understand the feelings of others10. Encourages feedback on own ideas and actions11. Openly affectionate in relationships with people12. Participative and supportive in group work13. Risks exposing personal information and emotions14. Welcomes others' attempts to help even if critical15. Tries to influence and control activities of others16. Reluctant to let matters drop, presses for more17. Displays hostility and anger when annoyed18. Encourages collaboration in problem solving19. Spontaneous in speech and expression20. Helps those in difficulties with expressing themselves

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JOHARI WINDOW ASSESSMENTSummary Sheet

Now take the mark you have given in response to each question on behaviour and enter it in the exposure or feedback column as indicated, then plot your arena area on the graph given below.

Exposure Feedback1. 2.3. 4.5. 6.7. 8.9. 10.11. 12.13. 14.15. 16.17. 18.19. 20.

Total Total

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THE JOHARI WINDOW

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RECEIVING FEEDBACKFeedback is the messages that we get in response to our own actions, the message is the words used and the way they are said. Feedback is important as it can inform subsequent actions, so feedback matters. To make the most of it:

Encourage feedback, listen to what is said and how it is transmitted. Be open to feedback, listen objectively not defensively. Learn from feedback, think about it constructively. Understanding how your behaviour is seen by and affects others is the

first step in identifying what aspects could be improved.

Suggested behaviours when receiving feedback....

POSITIVE BEHAVIOURS BEHAVIOURS TO AVOID

DO - DON'T -Listen carefully Argue

Ignore

Acknowledge Deny

Explain

Clarify Justify

Excuse

Check understanding Project

Resist

Evaluate Defend

Distort

Incorporate as appropriate Fight

Surrender

Observe further Forget

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TRUSTHaving trust means you know what to expect from the other person, and believe they will consider how their actions might affect you.

Some of the key behaviours are:

DELIVERY I trust you’ll do what you say you’re going to do.

SHARING I trust you will share information that’s important to me.

UNDERSTANDING I trust you to give me time, to listen to – and try to understand – my concerns.

COMPETENCE I am confident you can handle a situation or responsibility well.

LOYALTY I trust you won’t speak ill of me behind my back.

EMPATHYTHE ABILITY TO SENSE AND UNDERSTAND OTHER’S FEELINGS

Empathy is vital

Key skills and behaviours:

Listening well and behaving in an interested but noncommittal manner, even when you don’t agree with what is being said. Letting others finish what they have to say. Asking questions first; sharing your own thoughts second.

Watching people’s faces and body movements and trying to sense their feelings from their expression, posture and gestures.

Acting upon your intuition – saying what you are thinking rather than just thinking it.

When in conversation you find that someone holds an opinion totally opposed to your own, considering why he or she might hold this opinion.

Asking yourself why you react as you do in a given situation. How else could you react? How might other people feel about these different reactions?

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INTUITIONWhether your intuition is right or wrong, you can’t really lose, as the individual can correct you and articulate his/her feelings.

Step one - Listen well

Step two - Receive a signal/form a hunch

Step three - Speak from your intuition/say what you are thinking, seeing, hearing, feeling … (but don't be too attached to your interpretation)

Useful ways to introduce what you want to say include…

"I have a sense that . . ."

"Can I check out something with you . . ."

"I wonder if you are feeling . . ."

If the matter is potentially sensitive, you should ask the individual’s permission to give advice, or to share your thoughts.

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INFLUENCING SKILLSThere are four basic influencing styles:

Reward and Punishment Participation and Trust Common Vision Assertive Persuasion

Reward and Punishment

This is the use of pressures and incentives to control others’ behaviour. Rewards may be offered for compliance, and punishment or deprivation may be threatened for non-compliance. Naked power may be used or more indirect and veiled pressures may be exerted through the use of status, prestige and formal authority.

There are three aspects of reward and punishment:

Evaluating (E) – involves praise or criticism, approval or disapproval and the moral judgement of right and wrong.

Prescribing Goals and Expectations (PGE) – this is letting others know exactly what is required and expected of them; setting clear standards on how they will judge the performance of others.

Incentives and Pressures (I & P) – applying incentives and pressures involves offering rewards for compliance and threats of punishment or deprivation for non-compliance; it may involve the use of naked power or the indirect, veiled pressure of status and formal authority.

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Participation and Trust

Unlike reward and Punishment and Assertive Persuasion, where influence is exerted by pushing others to accept ideas or to behave in desirable ways, the use of Participation and Trust pulls others toward what is desired or required by involving them. By actively listening to and involving others an influencer increases their commitment to the task, and follow-up and supervision become less critical.

There are three aspects to Participation and Trust:

Personal Disclosure (PD) - People who use personal disclosure openly accept their limitations of knowledge and mistakes or weaknesses. By this example, others feel accepted for what they are, and do not need to compete for attention and control. Personal disclosure builds trust and with it willingness to be influenced.

Recognising and Involving Others (RIO) - This involves drawing out and listening carefully to the contributions of others and building on and extending those ideas rather than countering with alternative proposals. It is being quick to give credit for others’ ideas and suggestions and being willing to delegate responsibilities. By skilfully recognising and involving others, the influencer insures that they work to solve the problem and are committed to the result, rather than resisting influence or blocking a solution.

Testing and Expressing Understanding (TEU) - By rephrasing of playing back what others have said the accuracy of communication is checked and the other person feels that his or her ideas are valued. Communicating understanding and acceptance of others know they have been listened to, and increases their willingness to listen to your ideas and to be influenced by them.

Common Vision

This influence style aims to identify a common vision of the future for a group and to strengthen the group member’s belief that through their collective and individual efforts, the vision can become reality. The appeals

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are to the emotions and values of others activating their personal commitment to private hopes and ideas and channelling that energy into work toward a common purpose. There are two aspects:-

Articulating Exciting Possibilities (AEP) - This is communicating enthusiasm about possible outcomes of seemingly routine as well as unusual projects or challenges. Using images they kindle excitement within others and help them to imagine a better future too.

Generating and Shared Identity (GSI) - An individual appeals to common values and hopes in others, and helps them feel the strength which comes from a unified group. The emphasis is on what we can accomplish if we all work together to achieve common goals and ideals.

Assertive Persuasion

This style of influencing others is characterised by the risk of logic, facts, opinions and ideas to persuade others. The basis for agreement and approval is the soundness of the other person’s reasoning. Assertive persuasion has two aspects:

Proposing (P) - People who use proposing behaviour are usually highly verbal and articulate. They are forward with their ideas, proposals and suggestions and they are not afraid of others’ reactions to them. Often they ask questions in order to present their own position on matters. They are persistent and energetic in persuading others.

Reasoning For and Against (RFA) - The other aspect of assertive persuasion is reasoning for and against where people enjoy the cut and thrust of verbal battles. They emphasise logical argument rather than emotional appeal, marshalling facts for their own case and against their “opponents”. They listen to others only to find their weakness in their arguments. Even when they are defending an inferior position, they battle away with determination.

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The Basic Influencing Framework

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Assertive Responsive

Using Resources

I Win You Win

I Win, You Lose I Lose, You Win

Aggressive Passive

My Agenda Your agenda

PUSH ENERGY

PULL

ENERGY

I’m

open

to

modifyi

I change

your

position

Denying Resources

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CONFLICT – HANDLING SKILLS5 MODES

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Accommodating (Smoothing)I concede that point…I agree with you there...I am prepared to accept that...I will do as you sayI don’t want to offend you…What is your preferred outcome…You have convinced me…I am glad we agree on this

Competing (Forcing)I’m not prepared to change my position…I must make my position quite clear…My view is clearly the most rational…I am sure mine is the best way...If you don’t do this I’ll...I know best, you’d better...Do as you’re told!

Avoiding (Withdrawal)I can’t take responsibility for this decision...I’d prefer not to discuss that now let’s talk about that later...This is outside my brief…I won’t be drawn on that...I’m not in a position to discuss…I don’t want to talk about…I don’t see your point

Collaborating (Problem Solving)Let’s work together on this…What is mutually acceptable…What do we disagree about…Let’s find some common ground…Let’s investigate the problem…My position is… what’s yoursWhere do we differ…How can we solve this

Compromising (Sharing)Let’s find a quick solution…I’ll give you … if you give me…Let’s split the difference and meet halfwayWe can’t both win, but let’s not both lose…Let’s be satisfied with…I’m prepared to … if you…Let’s both come away from this with something…

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STRESS MANAGEMENTStress could be defined as the result of someone being pushed beyond the limit of their natural ability, after the strain is removed the person does not return to their previous state.

Where does the stress come from?

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How do you respond to pressure?

The performance-pressure curve below shows a widely-used model of the effect of increasing levels of pressure on an individual’s performance.

perf

orm

ance

Low pressurei.e. stress

Optimum pressure High Pressurei.e. stress

Under-stimulation can lead to ‘rust-out’

tired bored can’t decide frustrated dissatisfied stagnating

Optimum stimulation leads to effective performance

energised creative makes good

decisions able to manage

change satisfied making progress

Over-stimulation can lead to ‘burn-out’

tense prone to illness poor decisions struggling low self-esteem exhaustion

pressure

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STRESS MANAGEMENT

What can you do to manage stress?

Manage your time sort out the balances (home and family/work/social/community/self) set goals establish priorities.

Managing the changes in your life become aware of change in your life and how respond modify your response to change manage future changes better.

Think and behave more assertively recognise passive, aggressive and assertive types of behaviour recognise your rights as a person learn and use techniques to think and behave more assertively (e.g. in

disagreeing with others, in refusing requests, giving and receiving praise and criticism).

Reduce job pressures become aware of the sources of stress in the job, develop coping tactics (change your attitude/influence others to change

their attitudes/develop new skills/get clarification about your job/negotiate a change in your job/get more variety and stimulation get more structure amid stability).

Adopt a healthy lifestyle to make you more resistant to pressure

exercise for twenty minutes three times a week use deep relaxation techniques

eat less fat, sugar, and salt, but more fibre reduce/give up props such as smoking, alcohol, drugs and overeating.

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ACTION PLANAction By When

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