By Jacqueline Harrison RCpN, BN

P A G E 2

This book is inspired by the countless children who, during my lifetime, have

been reported as losing their lives at the hand of a caregiver, parent, guardian or

perpetrator. My love and compassion goes out to you all, for the pain you suffered.

You did not die in vein; I rise up in your name.

To my now husband Colin. You are he whom I love and adore. Thank you!

Dedication

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This book is the outcome of a long, painful yet healing and transformative journey.

Since her childhood Jacqueline experienced the pain, the anxiety, the despair, and

the shame that comes with abuse. She then took all the courage she had to create

from nothing the dignified and fulfilling life she wants for herself and her children.

In the last three years, to be able to write this book, Jacqueline had to revisit her

painful past – she had to experience again the hurt, the anguish, and the shame.

Moreover, she had to actively interact with what happened; she had to reflect

and to scrutinize her own interpretations of what happened, and to come to

understand the perspective of the other people involved. She had to become honest

with herself and others to an extent humans ordinarily rarely go; she had to go

down to deeper and deeper levels of authenticity. It takes an extraordinary being to

go through this process. Humanity is blessed that Jacqueline took on this task with

so much grace!

By writing this book, Jacqueline not only healed her past, but also the past of all

the people involved. In sharing her journey with us, she will transform the lives

of countless women and men, making it possible for them to express themselves,

create fulfilling relationships, enjoy life and create the life they want. This book is

the end of Jacqueline’s cycle of suffering and the beginning of a fulfilling life full of

love and joy. Reading this book will make this transformation possible for you too!

Petra Buergelt, PhD, Social Scientist and author

Foreword

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Introduction Page 5

Follow Your Heart Page 6

Connecting the Dots Page 24

Overcoming Fear Page 37

Make it Happen Page 46

Accomplish your Dreams Page 49

Create a Different Tomorrow Page 53

From Nothing Page 68

Shaping the Future Page 75

Love, Be, Connect Page 79

Speak Up and Speak Out Page 80

Living Outrageously Page 88

MAKE YOUR NOTES HERE! Page 98

Steps to Success Page 99

What is Next? Page 100

Contents

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Introduction

Revealing the Truth: Speak up & Speak Out is a compelling and inspiring account

about the determination and courage it took to break free from and overcome the

affects of Domestic Violence.

Sharing authentically about her own experiences with Domestic Violence,

Jacqueline shreds light on what keeps abuse hidden, enabling women to break

their silence.

Jacqueline sends a clear message of what is possible when the chains of abuse are

broken. It is a must read for women who are serious about redesigning their lives,

defining who they are and what they are capable of achieving.

This is a true story about realising her life was in danger, taking the necessary steps

to flee to safety and beating the odds creating an extraordinary life for herself and

her two young children. Revealing the Truth: Speak Up & Speak Out imparts hope.

P A G E 6

Terrified and emotionally bruised, my heart pounding; my fingers fumble as I twist

the key in the lock for the final time. I am fretting that our moment to escape will

disappear. We are acutely threatened. We are unsafe; the children’s and my lives

are hanging in the balance.

I do not know what is going on in his mind. I am grappling with making necessary

choices. I choose not to call the police. If I lay charges and he is arrested, he will

eventually be released. We will require protection at home. Sensing that this would

inflame the situation, I determine that we would be too vulnerable.

What is the right next step? I am making it all up as I go along. Putting one foot in

front of the other I tell myself sternly: we must leave, we need to get away, now!

My intention is clear. Safety is paramount. I conclude that it is not a matter of right

or wrong. Requiring action, I choose to trust myself. What have we got to loose?

As it stands, we could loose our lives. All that I have, all that my children have is

my instinct. I concede that action of any type so long as it is positive, will propel us

forward into safety.

Instinctively, I answer the intrinsic call to take our chance and leave. Fleeing,

by approximation, seems like the safest action to take. In a heightened state

of awareness I lock the car doors. Not knowing what I am facing but knowing

what actions I am now taking, I fasten my seatbelt and turn on the ignition. I am

petrified. Navigating my way through this terrifying time, I am acutely aware of the

danger if things do not go according to plan. Purposely, I breathe deeply and slowly

whilst preparing myself to take the stand required and leave. I am aware that this

action will require of me more than I have ever known myself capable of being.

Time appears to momentarily stand still even though the tick tock of the car clock

continues.

My internal dialogue is calling out in panic, bordering on terror. What if he sees us,

what if he comes home early? What if I have forgotten something important?

Many unanswered questions flood my mind.

Foow your heart

P A G E 7

Bizarrely, I recall leaving the house spic and span. With that thought, I put the pedal

to the metal unintentionally skidding out of the driveway.

In the belief that it is wise to withdraw half of our savings as soon as possible, I

have left enough time to stop by the bank. I do not know what lies before us. I have

no idea where we will sleep tonight or where we will live. Not wanting to delay

our exit, I head for the bank in the city. As I drive along the 100Kmph stretches,

thoughts are going through my mind at a rate of knots. I estimate how much money

we may have saved. I expect it to not be a lot. I surmise that it would only have

been enough to get us through a small emergency. I am anxious. I feel hope and

relief amidst the terror. The unknown; pulls us close. I develop a sense that I must

successfully disappear without a trace. Whatever choices I make, I must remain on

high alert so that I do not slip up and in some way fail my intent to maintain our

safety.

I feel guilt. The children are strapped into their car seats in the back of the car. They

are unaware of what is taking place. They do not know that this moment defines

the rest of their lives. About to change forever, their lives will not be the same again.

Casting my memory back, I do not recall hearing the children. Maybe my son was

talking to the baby; maybe he was playing with a toy. Maybe the baby was sleeping.

The only thing I am present to is my own thoughts. The children travel quietly; we

have a fair distance to drive.

I use the time to gather myself and to gather my thoughts. We have to survive

no matter what; I have to live, to love and to care for my children. They are so

incredibly helpless, exceptionally vulnerable. I draw on everything I have internally

and personally to focus on creating a better, brighter life.

Closer to the city, my thoughts turn to the appointment I made a few days earlier,

via telephone, with a lawyer. I am determined and steadfast in my quest to keep us

safe. I sense that this appointment sets a critical path for our future. I do not know

if I am “allowed” to leave a marriage with the children. It is as though, I think that

“someone” bigger than me, maybe an official, will question me. Perhaps even stop

Foow your heart

P A G E 8

me. Today was not the day to second-guess myself or to change my mind. One foot

in front of the other, that is what I whispered to myself. We were in the process of

leaving. All I had to do was keep my head and believe it was possible to survive. I

had given my word to myself, to make a fresh start. I knew that our lives were in

danger. I could not justify putting the children and I at risk any longer. I had to leave

and I had to do it now. We had run out of time. Still in the car, I wonder if I will have

enough money to pay for an hour of the lawyers’ time. I make a mental note to be

completely up front when we start the appointment. I do not envisage it taking

more than an hour.

I arrive at the bank. Half of what is in the account gives me four hundred dollars.

I am tempted to take the entire eight hundred. I resist, instead thinking, that my

husband may encounter unforeseen expenses. I leave the other half for him to fall

back on. It is the appropriate thing to do. I would not expect anything less of myself

than to consider him. Someone I loved and cared for deeply. Whatever he had done,

my husband was a human being. He had feelings and emotions. I would not strip

him bare. Imagine if he needed to transfer funds as a stopgap for himself and there

was nothing there. How would that feel, what would that be like? It was not my job,

to evoke desperation. Part of protecting myself and protecting the children is being

responsible and thoughtful. The children and I are in need BUT with me as their

caregiver I trust myself to find solutions to our problems whether they be financial

or otherwise; somehow. I sign the withdrawal slip turning quickly to leave the

bank. Meanwhile, squashing the copious notes into my tiny purse.

Continuously looking over my shoulder, I feel like I am “on the run”. As I near the

doors, I suddenly realise that it is possible for my husband to be in the city, perhaps

for morning tea, whilst on a break. We are not too far from where he is studying

which is an inadvertent oversight. He would not be expecting to see us here. Least

of all, dressed in our “Sunday Best”.

Eventually, we arrive at the lawyers’ office. It is swanky. The same lawyers we

consulted when buying our first home, a few years earlier. Interestingly, it is also

the building in which I worked before getting married. How peculiar to be back

here, in these circumstances.

Foow your heart

P A G E 9

What evoked the action of leaving? From whence did this choice render? Two to

three days earlier, I woke pinned to our bed by a dead weight. Sweat was pouring

off me profusely; the dead weight, I identified upon waking completely, was

the paralysis of fear. I woke abruptly. My nights sleep disturbed by the sound of

my husbands’ car squealing out of the driveway. It was before 6am. Completely

startled, adrenalin was released through my body. During the time it took me to

regain full consciousness, the rigidity in my limbs began to fade. I must have been

in a deep sleep. My body felt heavy and separate to me. I had no recall of the day

before. It took time to orientate myself to my surroundings. Had I been sedated?

Foow your heart