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RESPONSIVE RELATIONSHIPS:

HIGH QUALITY PARENT AND CHILD INTERACTIONS

Samantha Byrns, MSEd, LMHP, NCCRiverside Counseling, LLC

Agenda

◦ Brain Architecture◦ Development

◦ Toxic Stress

◦ Attunement◦ Serve and Return

◦ Being-With

◦ Regulation ◦ Co-Regulation

◦ Emotional repair

What is a quality relationship?

◦ Relationship “the way two people are connected”

◦ Quality “degree of excellence”

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Why is a quality relationship important?(Early intervention)

“What’s done to the child, they will do to society.” Attributed to Karl Menninger

Brain Architecture ◦ Early experiences affect the development

of brain architecture, which provides the foundation for all future learning, behavior, and health.

◦ Just as a weak foundation compromises the quality and strength of a house, adverse experiences early in life can impair brain architecture, with negative effects lasting into adulthood.

Harvard Center on the Developing Child

NeuronsBrain architecture is comprised of billions of connections between individual neurons across different areas of the brain. These connections enable lightning-fast communication among neurons that specialize in different kinds of brain functions. The early years are the most active period for establishing neural connections, but new connections can form throughout life and unused connections continue to be pruned. Because this dynamic process never stops, it is impossible to determine what percentage of brain development occurs by a certain age. More importantly, the connections that form early provide either a strong or weak foundation for the connections that form later.

Harvard Center on the Developing Child

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Social Learning

This is implicit, emotion-driven learning, perhaps the most powerful kind of learning humans experience in life, learning that sticks with us, literally embedded epigenetically in our brains and bodies.

Nonverbal signals• Facial expressions• Tones of voice• Different kinds of touch• Multisensory inputsBaylin & Hughes (2016)

Brick and Mortar Design

◦ Emotional well-being and social competence provide a strong foundation for emerging cognitive abilities, and together they are the bricks and mortar of brain architecture.

◦ The emotional and physical health, social skills, and cognitive-linguistic capacities that emerge in the early years are all important for success in school, the workplace, and in the larger community.

Harvard Center on the Developing Child

Cognitive, emotional, and social capacities are inextricably intertwined throughout the life course.

Toxic Stress◦ We do not need to worry about positive stress, which is short-lived, or tolerable stress, which is more serious

but is buffered by supportive relationships.

◦ The constant activation of the body’s stress response systems due to chronic or traumatic experiences in the absence of caring, stable relationships with adults, especially during sensitive periods of early development, can be toxic to brain architecture and other developing organ systems.

◦ The terms positive, tolerable, and toxic stress refer to the stress response systems’ effects on the body, not to the stressful event itself. The extent to which stressful events have lasting adverse effects is determined in part by the individual’s biological response (mediated by both genetic predispositions and the availability of supportive relationships that help moderate the stress response), and in part by the duration, intensity, timing, and context of the stressful experience.

Harvard Center on the Developing Child

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ATTUNEMENT: BEING AWARE OF AND RESPONSIVE TO ANOTHER

Attuned parent-child communication guides child’s interactionsCreates balanced primary relationship

Trusting relationship = trustworthy worldChasnoff, I. J. (2011)

Reciprocity in a relationshipDoes the caregiver attune to the child’s needs?

Does the child seek the caregiver?

Does the caregiver follow the child’s needs?

Does the child respond to the caregiver?

Essential parenting practice◦ Bowlby & Ainsworth (1951) For a child to be mentally healthy “the infant and young child should experience

a warm, intimate and continuous relationship with his mother (or permanent mother substitute) in which both find satisfaction and enjoyment.”

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Serve and Return

◦ *5 Step Guide (FIND)

◦ Center on the Developing Child

◦ Harvard University

Being-With◦ To be human is to be in a relationship

◦ Children naturally SEEK care

◦ Knowing someone is emotionally available

◦ Being accepted

◦ Being known

◦ Managing and regulating emotions

Powell, Cooper, Hoffman & Marvin (2014)

Parent & child must be able to read each other’s cues

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Parent & child must be able to RESPOND to cues appropriately

Self-Regulation

◦ The “conscious control of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors” (McClelland & Tominey 2014, 2). Another way of thinking about self-regulation is as a person’s ability to manage attention and emotions well enough to complete tasks, organize behavior, control impulses, and solve problems constructively (Murray et al. 2015)

States of RegulationCalm, Alert

Hyperarousal

Hypoarousal

◦ Window of Tolerance/Toxic Stress/Trauma

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CO-REGULATION PHASES

We need to manage our internal experience…

[to choose] appropriate external behavior.Powell, Cooper, Hoffman & Marvin (2014)

Phase 1: Child is dysregulated

(upset)

Phase 2: Caregiver notices

child’s upset

Phase 3: Caregiver provides

attunement to child’s need

Phase 4: Child’s need is met

through co-regulation

Co-Regulation Environment

Children’s Needs

Structure – security and predictability

Engagement – being joyful and in the “here and now”

Nurture – providing comfort

Challenge – providing supportNorris & Rodwell (2017)

Parent’s Goals

◦ Predictable routines help children self-regulate◦ Schedules help children understand what comes next

◦ Consistency encourages children to participate

◦ Clear expectations

◦ Use empathy through modeling and feelings language

◦ Provide choices◦ Sense of control (snacks, clothing, toys)

◦ Enjoy - Play! Play helps with waiting, taking turns

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What happens when we don’t get it RIGHT?!

◦Aim for 30% of the time

◦Remember NO ONE is perfect

◦Parenting is difficult!

◦There is always REPAIR

Emotional repair (building resiliency) • Self-awareness

• Situational awareness

STEPS:

1. Calm – attend to feelings

2. Use feelings words

3. Take responsibility

4. Talk about it!Powell, Cooper, Hoffman & Marvin (2014)

THANK YOU!Samantha Byrns, MSEd, LMHP, NCC

Riverside Counseling, LLC

409 N Jeffers St North Platte NE 69101

Phone: 308-532-5565 x 0

Email: riversidecounseling@outlook.com

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References

Becker-Weidman, A., Ehrmann, L., & LeBow, D. H. (2012). The attachment therapy companion: Key practices for treating children & families. New York: W.W. Norton &.

Biel, L. M.A., OTR/L & Peske, N. (2005). Raising a Sensory Smart Child. New York: Penguin Group (USA) Inc.Chasnoff, I. J. (2011, April 30). The Dance of Attunement. Psychology Today.

(2017) Center on the Developing Child, Harvard University. Chasnoff, J. J. (2015, March 20). Prenatal Drug Exposure and Disruption of Attachment. Psychology Today.

Dombro, A. L., Jablon, J., & Stetson, C. (2011). Powerful Interactions How to Connect with Children to Extend Their Learning. Washington, DC: National Association for the Education of Young Children.

Dunlap, G., Wilson, K., Strain, P. S., & Lee, J. K. (2016). Prevent-teach-reinforce for young children: The early childhood model of individualized positive behavior support. Baltimore: Paul H. Brookes Publishing.

Eyberg, S. M., & Funderburk, B. (2011). PCIT: Parent-child interaction therapy protocol: 2011. Gainesville, FL: PCIT International.Faber, A., & Mazlish, E. (2012). How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk. New York, NY: Scribner.

Hoffman, K. (2017). Raising a secure child: How circle of security parenting can help you nurture your childs attachment, emotional resilience, and freedom to explore. New York: Guilford Press.

Meyers, L. (2018). Parenting in the 21st Century. Counseling Today, 60(9), 18-24.(2017) The National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine

Norris, V., & Rodwell, H. (2017). Parenting with Theraplay: Understanding attachment and how to nurture a closer relationship with your child. London: Jessica Kingsley.

Perry, B. D., Hogan, L., & Marlin, S. J. (2000). Curiosity, Pleasure and Play: A Neurodevelopomental Perspective. HAEYC Advocate, August, 9-12.

Positive Parenting Tip Sheet [Pamphlet]. (2012). Nashville, TN: Monroe Carell Jr. Children's Hospital at Vanderbilt.Powell, B., Cooper, G., Hoffman, K., & Marvin, B. (2014). The Circle of Security Intervention. New York, NY.

Resilience. (n.d.). Retrieved July 23, 18, from https://developingchild.harvard.edu/science/key-concepts/resilience/Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2012). The whole-brain child: 12 revolutionary strategies to nurture your childs developing mind. New York: Bantam

Books Trade Paperbacks.Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2014). No-drama discipline: The whole-brain way to calm the chaos and nurture your childs developing mind. New York:

Bantam.