Release! Claiming the Fresh Start You Deserve By Jacci Thompson-Dodd, MA, MSSS

Copyright © 2013 Jacci Thompson-Dodd All Rights Reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any form without written permission from the author and publisher. ISBN: 978-0-9714219-3-6

Introduction As we start a new year, many of us make resolutions to improve some area of our life. That’s good! But how many times have we given up before we make the changes we so long for? Honestly most of us stumble and fall despite our best intentions. Why? Because we’re trying to move forward without changing the underlying patterns, habits and thinking that keep us stuck in place. No wonder! Piling new structures and demands on top of all the things we already do just isn’t the recipe for change. Sometimes our most urgent task isn’t learning new things. Rather, It is facing and letting go of old things that are weighing us down. That’s why I wrote Release!

Getting rid of old habits and thinking gives you a fresh foundation upon which to build your new life. Just like feeling lighter when you lose physical pounds, getting rid of emotional poundage is just as liberating—if not more so! Release is one of the 12 Healing Principles I developed in my book “WHOLE: 12 Principles for Rebuilding Life after Breast Cancer.” Though it was originally written for women healing from cancer, Release is so important, it stands alone as a valuable life-renewing tool for all women. I believe in this so strongly, that I offer it as a gift to you in hopes that you will benefit from it yourself, and share it with the other women in your life. My company WeSpeakLoudly is in the business of helping women rebuild their lives after life-altering illness or trauma. Release is one of the many tools and resources I’ve developed that can help you face mental, physical and emotional challenges. To purchase WHOLE, discover other life-affirming practices, and meet other women just like you, I invite you to the WeSpeakLoudly website. See you there! Together, we can become WHOLE. With my sincerest wish for your health and happiness,

Jacci

Principle #4: Release! Be the master of your mind: don’t let your mind master you As a sistah, you are the quintessential fixer. It is wired into your DNA to take care of everything and everyone—except yourself. You get so used to carrying the weight of your world, that you don’t even realize the impact it is having on your life. Having cancer or other life-altering trauma has changed that equation. So your approach to living must change to accommodate what's most important—your health. Without your health, you cannot help yourself or anyone else. Without your health, you are not WHOLE. How do you identify the changes you must make for the sake of your health? Where do you go to off-load the extra weight you’ve been carrying? What do you do to take care of yourself? You Release. Release is simply letting go of anything that no longer serves your healing purpose. But there is nothing simple about Release. Of all the 12 Healing Principles of WHOLE Body Living, Release might be the most difficult to adopt, because it requires you to honestly examine ingrained thinking, old habits, situations, and relationships that may be in need of pruning. Just like weeding your garden, weeding your life can be overwhelming. Let’s look at some of the issues that might be weighing you down and give you some strategies to Release.

Other People’s Stuff Part of why it is so difficult to Release may be because your personal boundaries are not clear. The edges of your personal space often blur with those of family, friends, and coworkers. Your lives are so intertwined that you routinely take on their stuff without realizing it. Part of Release is learning to disentangle from external demands and find yourself. This process can be thorny, because others depend on you to take care of their stuff. When you stop, they must reclaim it—something they may not be willing or able to do. Hey. That’s why they pawned it off on you in the first place! Through Release, you understand the meaning of self. You learn to value your health and happiness enough to push back from the demands of others. To set boundaries and say “No” when others want more from you than you can (or want to) give. When you Release, you allow those people depending on you to begin taking responsibility for themselves. They probably won’t like that. They may even have a strong reaction, using guilt and other tactics to regain your attention. Don’t be drawn into their drama. Recognize that you are giving them an opportunity to grow their own lives,

and move on. There is no guilt in living your best life. You have earned the right to be WHOLE.

Your Mind: The Trickster It is not just other people’s stuff that weighs you down. You possibly live in a stew of your own issues that prevent you from being healthy.

When you were first diagnosed with breast cancer, it was a fearful, sad, and surreal experience. Maybe it seemed as if your life slipped into an alternate universe where time warped and nothing made sense. Sound familiar? Your mind constantly struggles to process the reality of your breast cancer—even now that you are beyond active treatment. Whether in your waking or sleeping hours, your mind is active, either swinging into the hyper-drive of worry, or going completely numb and shutting down. To cope, your mind may cut you off from feeling. In so doing, you are confined inside your head, observing rather than experiencing your life. Or your mind can click you into autopilot, causing you to drift along aimlessly.

Whatever extreme, little of that kind of energy is truly productive. An oft-used phrase is “the mind is a terrible thing to waste.” An equally true statement is “the mind run amuck will waste you.” An unrestrained mind causes stress. And stress is at the root of many diseases—not just cancer. When you Release, you become the master of your mind. Release helps you to melt away the artificial barriers between your head and your heart. It allows you to move from overanalyzing in your mind to trusting your gut instincts. When you Release, you let go of fear and the false sense of security you get from obsessing. You accept the ambiguity and irony that life holds. To Release is to celebrate the journey and to recognize that any destination is just a way station to be explored. In short, Release is to be at peace with what is.

Habit: Same Old, Same Old You have deeply ingrained habits and patterns that move you through life. They stem from values you absorbed from your childhood upbringing and are added onto through the social interactions of living. Whether from parents, religious training, school, social and civic organizations, or the like, you have adopted socially acceptable behavior that you rarely question. These rules of behavior are familiar and make you feel safe. With cancer in the mix, your needs have changed. And those familiar, once-safe ways of navigating through life may no longer serve your healing. In fact, clinging to the familiar

can have a self-sabotaging effect, perpetuating and even amplifying your own suffering. If you allow the familiar to overstay its usefulness, it stops the flow of vital energy you need to be WHOLE. In this regard, safe isn’t always the healthiest option. Sometimes what you are doing is good. However, the way you are doing it can be harmful. Take cooking for example. Our ancestors had to prepare meals from scraps, love, and creativity, often being forced to use fatty or salty foods to enhance the flavor. Some of those soul-satisfying foods can still have a place in our diets, but they need to be prepared in a more healthy way. (We will talk more about food in Principle #8: Renew.) The notion of adopting new ways of thinking and being can be very unsettling. Breast cancer has already propelled your life into unfamiliar territory. Release allows you to float with this uncertainty and trust that you will land on solid ground.

Clutter: The Cloak of Darkness Sometimes you let your life get cluttered with material possessions you don’t need, stale relationships that don’t work, and situations you don’t want. It can be easy to turn a blind eye to your clutter. Problem is, by not dealing with it, you can feel heavy and stagnant from the strain of keeping it around. Just the thought of getting rid of stuff can be exhausting. (As a second-generation pack rat, I can attest to that fact!) Sorting and parting with prized possessions is something that you will likely resist. Confronting and ending relationships is something that you will likely avoid. Acknowledging and abandoning unhealthy situations is something that you will likely dismiss. This weeding process is hard, and it takes courage to examine your life in this penetrating fashion. Release is like spring-cleaning for the soul. Through it, you wade into the clutter of your mind and dig out from under the weight of the not-so-productive activities that zap your energy. You make space for magical, new abilities to emerge. Release makes you light, flexible, and nimble. It liberates you—mind, body, and spirit.

Unlocking the Mystery of Past, Present, and Future Oftentimes, you live out of sync with time. Reliving past hurts, mistakes, or lost opportunities pushes you backward into regret. Worry over future challenges pulls you forward into anxiety. In either case, you are powerless to manage your life effectively. Release means anchoring yourself in the present. Now is what matters. The present moment is the only space that is yours to control. What you think, say, and do in the present moment transforms and brings closure to all past issues and governs future possibilities. Focusing on the Now unleashes the dynamic power of Release. Release gives you the ability to freeze-frame each moment, see all the wonders and possibilities that are present, and consciously choose the options that unleash your

Loving Energy. In essence, you are the director of your life “movie.” You Release to see the enlightened choices that best suit you and courageously direct your life toward the healing you visualize. Master the moment, and you ensure a fully realized life.

The Bottom Line One thing is certain: you made it through treatment. Congratulations! Your return to health is the most concrete evidence that you are far more powerful than you realized. Remember these lessons you learned from your cancer battle: life is precious; nothing is promised; and each moment is a gift. With this sage wisdom as a guide, it is imperative not to squander even a second on things that do not serve your higher purpose. In Release, you begin to say, “Yes” to yourself. To embrace whatever you need to be WHOLE. Release is self-affirming, opening you up to new possibilities, ideas, and experiences. It gives you a fresh start so you can script, direct, and produce the life movie of your choosing. And when challenges appear, Release allows you to off-load the stress and worry, and undertake the most productive remedy. The powerful adage “Let go and let God!” sums up the attitude of Release. It means abandoning the “What if,” “But,” “I should,” and “I always used to” that trap you in old thinking. These destructive mental messages limit your ability to respond in the most advantageous way. Release is confidence that when you let go, the right things will appear. They might not arrive on your schedule or in the form that you expect. But without a doubt, they will come in the right way and at the right time. By centering your life on the Spirit Principles, you have empowered yourself to live in a totally different way. Release is the ultimate expression of faith.

Get Ready. Get Set. Release! Now that you see the value of Release, it’s time to get busy! Here are some tips to kick off your Release campaign:

1. Clean house. Literally. Getting rid of clutter is freeing. It makes space in your environment and your mind to accept new energy. I don’t mean a surface clean. I mean a vacuum-behind-the-couch, sweep-under-the-bed, flip-the-mattress, wash-the-curtains, shampoo-the-carpets, scrub-the-tiles, oil-the-furniture, clean-the-oven, wash-out-the refrigerator, recycle-the-newspapers, shred-important-papers, and clean-out-the-closet kind of cleaning.

Be systematic and pace yourself. This is not a do-the-whole-house-in-a-day kind of cleaning. It might take weeks before you are done. Be patient, be thorough, and make it fun. Play music, take healthy snack breaks, and rest as needed. Start with one room and tackle all the cleaning there before you move on. During the process, be on the lookout for things you don’t need anymore. Have a give-away

box close at hand and get rid of things you haven’t used in a while. Also get a jar for the spare change you find. You’ll be shocked at how those pennies add up! Follow the same process for your car as well. Clean out the glove compartment; wash the insides of the windows and ashtrays. If you play music while driving, select some different music for your listening pleasure. Whether in your home, car, or workspace, cleaning is cathartic. I guarantee you’ll get into a rhythm, begin feeling lighter, and be greatly rewarded for your efforts.

2. Wean yourself off shopping. Of course you’ll still need the basics of nourishment and personal hygiene supplies. But lay off the extra purchases for a while. It doesn’t make sense to bring more stuff into your space and put it on top of the excess you already have. You’ll be surprised by how well you do—and the money you’ll save by keeping your wallet closed.

3. Institute a news black out. Unplug from the media and give your psyche a rest

from the barrage of scandal and bad news. It can desensitize you, making you less able to discern the subtle guidance that comes your way when you Release.

That doesn’t mean you need to become a recluse. But too often you automatically turn on the TV or radio for company. Beware! Their background noise implants junk in your brain that has no place there. Ever find yourself singing advertising jingles, or feeling depressed after listening to the news? The negative vibes from these media sources creep into your brain without you realizing. Ration TV use. Read a book, go for a walk, or write a letter instead. You will feel more calm and balanced when you do.

4. Get off the gossip line. There is a difference between staying connected with your “people” and gossip. Healthy connections are direct communications with folks, conducted with compassion and respect for their privacy. What I mean by gossip is carrying tales behind people's backs--speculating, judging, and assuming things about them.

Don’t forget “what goes around, comes around.” You don’t want your business in the street, so don’t be a party to flinging other people’s business around. You don’t want to make the cause to attract drama by participating in someone else's.

5. Get the proper amount of rest and exercise. Learn to Release from distractions that prevent you from taking proper care of yourself. Rest and moving your body are essential for optimal health. By neglecting these vital reenergizing activities, you rob yourself of the ability to stay physically strong and mentally tough. You deplete your immune system, and weaken your ability to stave off illness. The fatigue that ensues can cause you to be irritable, depressed, stiff, and out of shape. Tips for getting a good night’s sleep include: • Drink a cup of herbal tea or warm milk before retiring.

• Turn off the TV Falling asleep in a quiet, darkened room makes it more likely to fall asleep faster and maintain a solid sleep through the night.

• Don't eat a large, heavy meal before bed. This can cause indigestion and interrupt your normal sleep cycle. Try finishing your meal at least two hours before bedtime.

• Avoid drinking caffeinated or alcoholic beverages for several hours before bedtime. Though alcohol may initially act as a sedative, it can interrupt normal sleep patterns.

• Be sure to get your exercise. The slogan “Use it or lose it” says it all; if you don't exercise, you lose the stamina, fitness, muscle tone, flexibility, and self-confidence necessary to be WHOLE. To be healthy, you must be fit. To be fit you must exercise. Period.

Exercise is possible for a woman of any size, shape, age, or ability. You need not join a gym or buy expensive workout gear. Walking is the best exercise you can do for overall fitness. A good pair of walking shoes is all you need to get moving. Grab a buddy and go! You are more likely to exercise regularly if you have a friend or group at your side.

6. Write a letter to yourself. Use those pages to pour your heart out about any

negative energy that is hanging over you. This letter might include unresolved issues, frustrating encounters, fears, disappointments, and rage—anything you choose. Don’t hold back; you are the only person who will see this letter. You can direct your comments to someone in particular or just vent. Get it all out. In fact, don't confine yourself to just one letter. Write as many as you need to be satisfied. Then ball them up and throw them away—Release. Through this process, you’ve given your pent-up emotions a place to reside. By getting rid of them, you are evicting those emotions and reclaiming your energy.

7. Get a handle on how you are spending your time. Does your busy schedule really need to be so busy? Are there things you do out of obligation that are no longer satisfying? Keep a log of your activities for a week. Anything that you can delegate or discontinue, let it go.

8. Rein in your volunteer activities. There are so many worthy organizations and

causes that need help. But if you are giving your time to others at the expense of your own needs, something must change. You are the most worthy cause you can support. Give yourself first priority, and then serve others.

Pick just one major outside project for the year, and don't leave your volunteer commitment open-ended. Make it a point to evaluate your affiliations annually, and don't hesitate to make the adjustments you need to stay balanced.

9. Close your inner circle of friendship. Have you allowed too many people too close to your inner sanctum? Doing so makes you susceptible to a drain on your time and energy. Friendship is give-and-take. If you are doing all the giving, and your friend is doing all the taking, maybe that really isn't a healthy relationship. Honestly assess the quality of bonds you share with others, and loosen or cut your association with those who are not truly sharing with you.

10. Free up your appointment calendar. Too often, you jam as many appointments into the day as you can. Problem is, you rarely factor in the wear and tear such a tight schedule has on you. Keeping in perpetual motion without down time is a recipe for stress.

Slow down. If possible, reserve only certain days each week for meetings outside your office. When you do go out, be sure to take care of yourself by factoring in ample time for each appointment, including the drive, parking, and meeting prep. Don't skip or skimp on meals that are not a part of your meeting time; proper nutrition is an essential part of being WHOLE.

Be sure to schedule regular self-care appointments as well. Certainly personal grooming appointments for hair, nails, massage, and the like are important. But don’t overlook the opportunity to schedule other refreshing activities, like day trips to nearby recreational spots and over-night or weekend fun trips. These need not be expensive. All that is required is a regular block of time to recharge your batteries so you never let yourself get depleted or run down. It is important to actually write self-care time into your calendar and hold that space sacrosanct.

Release is an excerpt from

“WHOLE: 12 Principles for Rebuilding Life after Breast Cancer”

Slated for publication Spring 2013

For more information contact jacci@wespeakloudly.com

Coming Soon!

WHOLE: 12 Principles for Rebuilding Life after Breast Cancer

Updated after six years in circulation, “WHOLE: 12 Principles for Rebuilding Life after Breast Cancer” offers fresh information and insights especially for African-American breast cancer survivors. To make it even easier to get started with the healing process, this updated version of WHOLE is being made available in eBook formats to ensure that you can tap into emerging ideas and new resources quicker and more affordably.

For more information contact: jacci@wespeakloudly.com.

Available in PDF and various eReader formats

About the Author Jacci Thompson-Dodd is the founder of WeSpeakLoudly® a health education firm making it easier for women to process and heal from life-altering illness and trauma. She holds master’s degrees in Social Work and in Afro-American Studies from Boston University. She received her certification in Patient Navigation from the Harold P. Freeman Patient Navigation Institute in New York. Ms. Thompson-Dodd is the author of WHOLE: 12 Principles for Rebuilding Life after Breast Cancer, a book focused on whole body healing (emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual) after breast cancer. She is a consulting member of the Psycho Oncology team at Swedish Cancer Institute in Seattle, WA, leading several general cancer and breast cancer-specific survivorship support groups. She is also part of a research team conducting a two-year study of African American breast cancer survivors at Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center in Seattle, WA. She is a long-standing member of the Minority Women’s Health Panel of Experts for the Federal Office on Women’s Health, as well as two advisory groups for the National Cancer Institute—Community Advocates for Research and Related Activities (CARRA), and Cancer Therapy Evaluation Program (CTEP). Ms. Thompson-Dodd is based in Seattle, WA. Please feel free to contact her at jacci@wespeakloudly.com.