up downtown august 2014

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Please Continue On Page Eight I-74, Exit 109 Shelbyville www.IndianaGrand.com | 877-FUN-4-IND Must be 21 or older to enter casino. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-9-WITH-IT. Up Downtown August 2014 Grab The Fork: It’s Time To Devour Downtown! Grab the knife, fork and spoon and make plans to dine out — preferably at somewhere you have never eaten before, because August brings the annual Summer edition of Devour Downtown, this year scheduled for the 18th through the 31st. In 2005, Devour Downtown began as a way to get more people to check out the growing culinary scene in the Circle City. And now, nine years later, the event has grown from just 25 restaurants to more than 70 taking part, representing almost every major type cuisine and taste imaginable. During the semi-annual event, diners will be able to take advantage of three-course, value-priced menus. Restaurants offer a variety of fare including savory sushi, succulent steaks and delectable desserts in addition to gluten-free, vegan and vegetarian options.

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Up Downtown August 2014

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Page 1: Up Downtown August 2014

Up Downtown / Indianapolis 08.14 On The Web At: www.updowntown.net Page 1

Please Continue On Page Eight

I-74, Exit 109 Shelbyville

www.IndianaGrand.com | 877-FUN-4-INDMust be 21 or older to enter casino. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-9-WITH-IT.

Up DowntownAugust 2014

Grab The Fork: It’s Time To

Devour Downtown!Grab the knife, fork and spoon and make plans to dine out — preferably

at somewhere you have never eaten before, because August brings the annual Summer edition of Devour Downtown, this year scheduled for the 18th through the 31st.

In 2005, Devour Downtown began as a way to get more people to check out the growing culinary scene in the Circle City. And now, nine years later, the event has grown from just 25 restaurants to more than 70 taking part, representing almost every major type cuisine and taste imaginable.

During the semi-annual

event, diners will be able to take advantage of three-course,

value-priced menus. Restaurants offer a variety of fare including savory sushi, succulent steaks and delectable desserts in addition to gluten-free, vegan and vegetarian options.

Page 2: Up Downtown August 2014

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OGUNQUIT, Maine—What happens when two former downtowners head east, find “the perfect spot” and open a bed and breakfast in a home so historic that parts of it pre-date the founding of the United States itself?

Well, if that couple is John Joanette and Dwain Underwood and the spot is the Black Boar Inn, you not only have a lot of your downtown Indianapolis friends visiting and booking, but you become an integral part of the village (population 1,226) and you get yourself elected to the town council, serve on committees and in under a year become so much like native Mainers (some use the term “Maineacs” but it’s considered insulting to the locals here) that it is as if you have lived in town and run an inn here for decades.

Up Downtown got the chance to sit down with John and Dwain recently and found that running an inn is a long-time goal of the couple’s. Joanette was a PR and marketing and lobbying guru in downtown Indianapolis and Underwood was an exec with a major electronics retailer, so the transition was as stark as the change from the flat Midwest of Indiana to the rocky, lobster-filled coast of Maine, but somehow they have not only made the change, but they have embraced it.

The couple run the B&B with smiles and with respect not only for their home and environment, but for their guests, whom they go out of their way to please with modern conveniences (like some really fast WiFi, flat-screen cable TVs and a guest fridge in the lounge) all combined with the charming mansion, parts of which do indeed predate the 1776 founding of the United States.

This being crime-free Maine, doors remain unlocked 24/7 and the couple is proud to be one of the handful of all-year B&Bs in this town, which split from neighbouring Wells, Maine, in 1980 over the issue of commercialism.

It seems locals wanted to ban all chains and the Wells town fathers disagreed, so the folks in the southern part of town petitioned the state and Ogunquit as an entity was born. The first by-law on the town books was, not surprisingly, “no chain anythings” and to this day it’s why one has to go a bit north to find a CVS or Holiday Inn in Wells and a bit south to find Hannaford’s, one of the coolest grocery chains in the northeast, outside the town limits.

Imagine a place with not a single “famous name” anywhere (Not even a Wally World to be seen!) and having those gaudy big box signs and establishments replaced with local shops selling everything from gourmet meals and some pretty funny (and crass) lobster-themed t-shirts to places to stay.

And it is the latter where the Indiana duo excel as they took the building, which had been a B&B but a few years back became a single-family rental which was usually only occupied in the brief Summer season of June through October, and turned it back into its former use.

Fireplaces dot the lounges and other rooms — including some of the individual suites. A huge one, which still includes hooks pots were hung on for cooking in colonial days, graces the breakfast room and the mantelpiece above is clearly hand-carved. Local woodworkers made the log tables and the duo do their best to preserve and expand upon all of the original looks they can.

So what was the hardest part about making a job and location change?

“People may not believe this, but the most difficult thing for us was the division of responsibilities so we both could share the work and still enjoy living here,” John noted.

The way that’s been accomplished is with each of the couple getting a “me day” a week off while the other manages the house, cooks the breakfast (although there are two part-timers who help in the duties as well) and then one day a week both of them take an “us day” together while the staff manages solo. That gives John and Dwain a day a week to explore the nearby area — there are things from secluded beaches to clubs and outlet malls within an hour’s drive, as well as (at 66,214 souls)

Black Boar Inn Is Maine Thing On Downtown Couple’s Minds

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Portland, Maine’s largest city which has the closest Sam’s and BJs (another warehouse club, so don’t get too excited though the name is fun). There are also a plethora of restaurants both in town and nearby and when they go out John noted, “We always try somewhere we haven’t been. That way when a guest asks about where to get the best lobster or Mexican or pizza we have not only an answer, but a place to say we have been there and this is what we found.” All of their recommendations with us were spot on, so we’d say the “research” is working!

Speaking of research, John told Up Downtown that he’s constantly looking for local items to put on the breakfast tables. “My goal is to be able to walk to buy — and not even to drive, so instead of the grocery, the strawberries with the French Toast come from a stand a couple blocks away. We buy eggs from a local farmer and as much as we can that’s locally sourced. If we support the town, they support us and we are our own little organisation here.”

Another thing the couple pointed out is that while they watch and worry about their friends in Indiana on the issue of gay and lesbian marriage, Maine was the first state for the issue to go on the ballot and gay marriage rights to be approved by voters, not a judge or legislature.

“It’s so nice to live in a state where we are equal to everyone. Let’s put it this way: We’re here. We’re queer. And EVERYONE’S used to it!” Joanette said with a huge grin.

So what’s the Black Boar Inn’s cost for rooms? In season, a double is around $200 a night, whereas out of season it’s about $125 a night. That does include some awesome breakfasts, and things many of those nasty chains charge for are included. That’s stuff like really fast WiFi, free parking at the door and the ability to leave your car and walk everywhere from the town’s best eateries to the beach (two blocks). There’s also the town’s famous Marginal Way, which stretches over rocky cliffs and along sandy beaches with breath-taking views of the Atlantic Ocean. The walk starts under three blocks from the Black Boar’s front door and is (Summer and Winter) a popular spot for guests of the inn as well as those famous “me days” John and Dwain take each week.

To find out more about the inn visit www.blackboarinn.com or give John or Dwain a bell on 207/646.2112. The inn is at 277 Main Street in downtown Ogunquit, Maine — exactly 1,000 miles from downtown Indianapolis and a world away. To look in from home (and see what you are missing) visit http://marginalwayfund.org/photos-webcam/lighthouse-webcam/ and check the live cam views. You will for sure want to pack your car and head to Maine!

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Food For Thought

“Devour highlights the impressive dining options downtown has to offer. It’s the perfect time for people to dine at a restaurant they’ve always wanted to try or to revisit one of their favourites,”Jeff Smith, president of the Indianapolis Downtown Restaurant and Hospitality Association and operating partner at Harry & Izzy’s told Up Downtown, which is proud to be a sponsor of the event for the first time this Summer.

While all of the usual suspects (and favourites) have signed on for another Devour,

new restaurants have been added this time and include Union 50, O’Bryan’s Nine Irish Brothers, First Watch, Giorgio’s Pizza, Grub House, Mo’s…A Place for Steaks, O’Reilly’s Irish Bar & Restaurant, The Plow & Anchor and Pure.

Employees from participating restaurants can also show their bartending skills by participating in Devour’s cocktail contest. Four drinks will be chosen as the official cocktails for the event and one will be deemed the best of show.

While dining during Devour, guests are encouraged to make a day or evening out

downtown with special promotions offered by the Eiteljorg Museum of American Indians and Western Art, Indy Eleven and NCAA Hall of Champions. For a complete list of participating restaurants and menus, visit www.devourdowntown.org

In other restaurant news this month, we have been doing a lot of travelling and have eaten our way from diners in Pennsylvania and Upstate New York to some of the best lobster spots to be found anywhere in Ogunquit, Portland and Wiscasset, Maine. We also got a chance to spend a couple days in Toronto, and we will say that was a pleasant surprise.

Continued From The Front Page

This Canadian city has now passed Chicago as North America’s 4th largest metropolitan area. Among the jungle of condos, stores, hotels and more are some really nice restaurants; top among them quite literally, is 360, the revolving eatery atop the CN Tower (in the lighted white pod at left), with the ground 1,151 feet below.

This is a venue we have been to many times on visits to Toronto, and while we always adore the view, my partner and I usually come away with a bad feeling about high-priced food and sloppy service. As we were recently in Toronto for a weekend with friends and they suggested we go on a Friday night (as one of them had never had the chance to ascend the CN Tower) we figured we’d go for the view, but prepared for sky-high pricing and so-so eats, despite hearing things had been improved.

Instead of coming away disappointed, we were blown away and will be back anytime our travels bring us to this city. The food is now gourmet, would easily rank in the top 10% of meals I have ever had, the service is superb (Many restaurants need to take note — good service without a staffer “hovering” over the table and being obnoxious is a good thing.) and the view is still the best from any restaurant table in North America, possibly only being challenged by the Signature Room at the 95th atop Chicago’s Hancock Tower. Think downtown’s Eagles’ Nest on speed and double that to get just a basic idea.

The evening started with us arriving early, as despite a four-day advance reservation, word is apparently out and all we could get was 9.30. We showed up about 8.30, and they gave us free admission to the other tower levels, including the glass floor observation deck, the lounge area and outdoor observation area, where we watched

the sunset over Lake Ontario....a very pleasant way to wait and one we’d planned so we could watch the sun go down.

We returned to the hostess stand about 9.20, were immediately seated, and were promptly greeted by a smiling waiter who brought bread, water and menus.

The best deal here one of the two prix fixe meals...one at $65 and one at $75. We four all chose the more costly, but found the whole experience worth every penny (though Canada no longer has “cents” in circulation!). The menu included a pre-appetiser (French name for the course Amuse Bouche), a huge smoked salmon appetiser, a main dish with potatoes and fresh green beans and a full dessert. Mains offered ranged from Lobster & Shrimp Ragout to Halibut to a 10-ounce steak.

The appetisers included some awesome smoked salmon — below — served with cucumber salad, capers and dill pollen, which was a new one on me, plus a fresh seafood chowder and more...and everything was prepared as ordered, served with correct temperatures and all the while we rotated to magnificent (by then night) views of the city (above) and Lake Ontario. One revolution is 72 minutes and dinner was about one and a half, so a real gourmet meal in a reasonable time, but never a rushed feeling.

Bravo to the folks at the 360 for being the new and improved that was promised...and our one-word comment is: GO! Do bring money as it’s not cheap, but you get what you pay for both in the windows and on the plates these days, which was not always the case. Info, photos, menus & reservations (best made in advance unless you like dinner at 9.30) are at www.cntower.ca/en-ca/360-restaurant/overview.html

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B y B i l l E l l i o t tU p D o w n T o w n C r i t i c

Standard reviewer

Please Read

Then Recycle!Phone: 317/632.8840 e-mail: [email protected]

Up Down Town is published the last week of every month at 110 E. Washington St., Suite 1402, Indianapolis, 46204. While every effort is made to ensure accuracy and fairness, the publisher assumes no responsibility for errors. Liability is limited to the cost of said ad. Ads not cancelled by published deadlines will be billed at agreed-upon price. Ads may be edited or rejected for content at the discretion of the publisher. All items appearing in Up Down Town, as well as the name, logos and design are copyright 2014 by BBS, A division of High Speed Delivery Fork Ltd. & Ted Fleischaker and may not be reproduced in any form without prior writ-

ten approval.

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes is the sequel to 2011’s Rise of the Planet of the Apes, with more “ape” films in the pipeline.

The new series takes the classic film franchise of the 1960s and ’70s and refits it for a 21st century audience raised on CGI. Changes in film and computer technologies make for more expressive and dexterous apes (the apes in the original films looked like the monkey puppets I had as a child) but I am not sure that the new series emulates the ambitious scope, narrative power or wit of the originals. Like its precursors, the new Planet of the Apes films are allegories suffused with contemporary social and political issues. But whereas 1968’s Planet of the Apes and its spin-offs took a lighter and more satirical touch in dealing with topics such as racism, slavery, military power and the misuse of technology, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes feels darkly bleak in its depiction of man’s inhumanity toward his fellow creatures (whether man or his evolutionary predecessors).

In the first Planet of the Apes, a group of astronauts land on an unknown planet (later revealed as a post-apocalyptic earth) after travelling through space for more than 2000 years. Highly evolved apes are in control while devolved humans are mute and kept in slavery or hunted for sport.

In the Planet of the Apes Mark II series, the apes have evolved as a result of genetic experiments. At the same time, most of humanity has been wiped out by a strain of simian flu.

As Dawn begins, apes roam the forests off the northern California coast while surviving humans are ensconced in a fortified tower in a dilapidated San Francisco.

A group of human scientists seeks to restore a broken hydroelectric power plant to bring electrical power back to the city. One of the scientists shoots a roaming adolescent ape out of fear. The humans are quickly confronted by a band of apes and their leader, Caesar (Andy Serkis), warns the humans to leave the area.

This sets a conflict of interests in motion. The humans want to reboot technology and electrical power is a necessary step in the return to pre-virus levels of civilisation. The apes want to live in seclusion and have no interaction with humans.

Fear and mistrust become the order of the day. Humans and apes each form ideological factions, with one group wishing to live harmoniously with the other species while the other is intent on destroying them.

While Dawn of the Planet of the Apes is visually impressive, there is not a great deal of depth or nuance in the characterisation of both apes and humans. The film seems a little tired and even clichéd in places (Why, for example, are the only two female characters of note an ape mother and the human medic who nurses her back to health?).

Caesar and his human counterpart, Malcolm (Jason Clarke), may anguish over the moral dimensions of war, but renegade ape Koba (Tony Kebbell), and the leader of the human colony, Dreyfus (Gary Oldman), seem to be almost cartoonish depictions of power used to excess.

Despite the use of “motion capture” digital technology to transform human actors into apes, it is hard to accept the apes as anything other than humans playing apes.

Early images of apes moving effortlessly through the forest are striking enough. But the opening sequence, featuring a group of apes hunting deer, looks like what

it is: computer trickery designed for maximum 3-D effect. I’d much rather the filmmakers had focused on the story and dialogue (more on that later) and less on long, drawn-out battle sequences or the obligatory one-on-one standoff that provides the film with its climax.

That is not to say Dawn of the Planet of the Apes doesn’t have some promising moments. For example, during their first encounter with the forest-dwelling apes, the small group of human scientists find themselves surrounded.

Since one of the scientists has just shot an adolescent ape, Malcolm’s “We mean you no harm” speech strikes a false note. When Caesar points and says, “Go,” the hair stands up on the audience’s neck. The use of sign language as the primary means of simian communication is a deft touch, making the interactions between the apes seem both intimate and plausible. The stilted use of English by the apes, on the other hand, seems forced and a little ridiculous.

In the original Planet of the Apes, we assume that several thousand years of evolution have brought heightened intelligence and verbal facility to the apes. If we are expected to believe, in these remakes, that a genetic experiment has brought apes to a similar level of intelligence in just a decade or so, then why not go the whole hog and have them talk in fully formed grammatical sentences?

Would that appear any less believable than having them construct pidgin-English sentences like “Ape not kill ape?”

One of the film’s most insightful (and funniest) moments occurs when Koba is cornered by two heavily armed rednecks in a makeshift armoury. “Should we shoot him?,” they ask each other. Koba goes into performing chimp mode, blowing raspberries, waving his hands over his head, making hooting noises. They decide to let the “dumb” ape go. When Koba returns for a second time to confront the two men, the consequences of Koba’s playacting are much more serious.

The final act of the film is given over to an overlong battle sequence between apes and humans, followed by a more personal battle for supremacy between Caesar and Koba.

In both instances, the forces of “good” win out over the forces of “evil.”After Malcolm tells Caesar to lead the apes out of San Francisco and back to the forest, warning that if they stay there will be a full-blown war between humans and apes, Caesar replies, “Apes started it. Humans not forgive apes. War has already begun.”

The starkness of the conclusion rescues the film from the cliché and predictability to which it had fallen victim. It also, of course, leaves the door open for multiple sequels.

September EditionDeadline

Tuesday 19th AugustPapers On Street:

Friday 29th August

Page 13: Up Downtown August 2014

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For Really Clean Windows, GoStreak Free!

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Evereyone is invited to “See the Spaces & Meet the Faces”, Wednesday 13th August from 11.30 to 1 p.m. as the Riley Area Development Corporation (RADC) presents their annual meeting, luncheon and behind-the-scenes tour of development - Trailside on Mass Avenue, located at 875 Massachusetts Avenue.

The luncheon agenda will highlight the new retail incubator featuring the Pattern Store (including a fashion show), the Indy Fringe temporary pop-up 100 seat theatre space for the Fringe Festival running 14th through 24th August, plus housing plans for 2014.

Guests will get a behind-the-scenes look at the theatre and the soon-to-open, highly anticipated Pattern Store.

In recognition of the Indy Fringe 20th anniversary the RADC has built a 100 seat temporary theatre in the Trailside Building. Pattern is scheduled to open in the building the week of 10th August.

Attendees will dine on Mass Ave favourites as lunch is courtesy of Yat’s and dessert treats from the Best Chocolate in Town and a complimentary beverage from Natural Born Juicers. Included in the luncheon is a special viewing of the WFYI Indy Fringe Special, and a video presentation from Pattern.

All are welcome to attend the luncheon and tour. Company and individual tickets may be obtained by calling the Riley Area Development Corporation at 637.8996 “We are excited to showcase or housing and small businesses development efforts in the downtown neighbourhoods and the 800 Block of Mass Avenue,” Riley Area Development Corporation Executive Director Eric Strickland noted.

Tour & Luncheon Set For Riley Area AGM

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FIND MORE DOWNTOWN SPORTS AT INDYDT.COM

EXPERIENCE SPORTS IN ACTION IN DOWNTOWN INDY

Get Lucky with the Indianapolis ColtsPregame season kicks off August 7

against the New York Jets

Batter up for the Indianapolis IndiansGames run through August so grab a seat

and enjoy the views from Victory Field

Catch Summer FeverJoin the Indiana Fever in celebrating their

15th anniversary by attending a game

Find game times, parking, restaurants and more at indydt.com. Follow us on social media for Downtown news, events and more.

Kick it with Indy ElevenJoin other fans and cheer on Indy’s soccer

team at IUPUI’s Michael A. Carroll Stadium

Up Down Town is a proud memeber of Indianapolis Downtown, Inc.

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UNIQUE ADVERTISING OPPORTUNITYMidwest Balloon Rides conducts balloon fl ights over the North Side of Indianapolis and the Hamilton County area approximately 4 to 6 times per week. When taking o  and landing, we create a crowd. In addition, during our fl ight, we fl y over the homes of residents of these areas where we see them waving and taking pictures of us

We are looking for 9 sponsors for the 2014 season. Each sponsor receives:

Shared balloon ride for two ($498 value)

11” x 11” full color spot for your logo, website and phone number on a banner on two sides of the basket.

2.25” x 3.5” 2 sided color ad on 5,000 brochures* to be handed out to spectators.

BONUS…We will add 2 additional banners to our 2nd balloon for extra exposure on the days we have both balloons fl ying

COST IS $650 PER SPONSOR PAYABLE WITH YOUR GIFT CERTIFICATES (NO CASH)!

If you would like to trade gift certifi cates foradditional balloon rides for a contest or other purpose please contact us.

For more information please contact Tony at [email protected] or 317.414.0148 www.MidwestBalloonRides.com

LET’S TRADE!

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HIT ROCK

BOTTOM.

At Rock Bottom, you’ll not only enjoy our fresh

handcrafted brews and our made-from-scratch food,

but you’ll feel a connection to the location that just

doesn’t happen at other restaurants. We like to say

that life begins when you hit Rock Bottom.

ROCK BOTTOM - INDIANAPOLIS · 10 West Washington · Indianapolis · (317) 681.8180 www.RockBottom.com

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Open Weekdays ForCarryout Or Dine In Breakfast & LunchAt 116 N. Delaware Across From City Market

When It’s Too Dog-Gone Hot To Cook...

Come See Us For Cool

Salads, Downtown’s

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Hoosier author Michael Shelden has been selected as the winner of the $10,000 National Author prize given by the 2014 Eugene & Marilyn Glick Indiana Authors Award, a programme of The Indianapolis Public Library Foundation funded by The Glick Fund, a fund of Central Indiana Community Foundation. The annual award program recognizes Indiana authors’ contributions to the literary landscape in Indiana and across the nation. Shelden, a professor at Indiana State University, is the author of five biographies, including the Pulitzer Prize finalist, Orwell: The Authorized Biography; Man in White, a study of Mark Twain’s final years; and his most recent book, Young Titan: The Making of Winston Churchill.

Norbert Krapf has been named the Regional Author winner, earning him a $7,500 prize. Krapf is a former Indiana Poet Laureate and author of 26 books, 11 of which are full-length poetry collections that include Catholic Boy Blues: A Poet’s Journal of Healing; American Dreams; and Songs in Sepia and Black and White.

“There are many deserving writers in Indiana, so it’s humbling to be singled out for this great award. I’ve been fortunate to have my books published in many countries, but I’ve lived in Indiana for 40 years, and I’m deeply grateful for this special recognition from the state I call home,” Shelden said.

The National and Regional winners, along with finalists in the Emerging Author category, will be honoured at the 6th annual Indiana Authors Award Dinner set for 25th October at Central Library downtown. Emerging Author finalists are Jessica Brockmole, Clifford Garstang and Kelsey Timmerman.

Indiana Authors Award nominations were submitted from across the state in early

Library Names Winners & Finalists For 2014 Authors Awards

Spring. Any published writer who was born in Indiana or has lived in Indiana for at least five years was eligible.

A 10-member statewide award panel selected the national and regional winners and the three Emerging Author finalists from the pool of publicly nominated authors.

Individual and full table tickets are available for the awards dinner. Funds raised by the event will benefit the Library Foundation. The public is also invited to participate in the free 2014 Indy Author Fair which features author talks and workshops for writers and book lovers of all ages, led by faculty of the Indiana Writers Centre and other special guests. For additional information about the Indiana Authors Award and festivities, visit www.indianaauthorsaward.org

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Page 30: Up Downtown August 2014

Page 30 Up Downtown / Indianapolis 08.14 On The Web At: www.updowntown.net

Hackin’ The NetBy Ted Fleischaker / Up Down Town Publisher

Someone not too long ago asked if we were a computer column and I told them not totally, but I asked them why they were inquiring. I was told that computers are fun and interesting, but what about other things.

It got me to thinking, and I sat there trying to think what these days does not have a computer (or several smaller ones or chips) hidden somewhere in the innards. I really, aside from a jar of ketchup and a pound of meat was pretty hard-pressed to come up with anything. In fact, the ketchup and meat might have RFID chips on or in the packaging to let inventory control systems and cash registers which use such items work.

But let’s look at things which are a bit more obvious. Or maybe not. This all came to mind recently when our washer broke down. It’s a 2009 model made by a major manufacturer and it’s packed with chips and computer controls which make it almost impossible to fix or work on (per the repairman the local shop sent).

The days when one selected regular wash and timed the cycle with a big dial are long gone, aside from a very few base bottom-of-the-line models. These days instead the machine wants to think for you (and I) and often this results in disastrous consequences.

No longer do we throw in the jeans, select a water temperature, turn a dial and hit start, but instead there’s a “jeans” cycle. There’s one for woolens, delicates, perma-press, whites and things one wishes to sanitise — and all of that information about spin speeds, water temperatures and whatever else the machine needs to know (or thinks it does) are hidden in computer chips somewhere in the bowels of the washer.The issue is what if you do not want to use what someone in some factory has been told to programme? Or what if something goes wrong whilst the cycle is underway — like a power glitch or water issues or worse?

The latter happened to us recently with a door latch breaking, dumping soap, bleach and all the towels we were washing in the middle of the laundry room floor — all while the drum continued turning and water continued to run and the machine continued to spin like some plot from a 1966 I Love Lucy show.

The matter is made yet worse because appliances want to “think” for us. This washer thought everything was A-OK and went right on. And the timer showed had we not been home to catch it, the whole process would have continued another half hour!There’s also the matter of timers. They are computer-generated numbers, too, and are estimates. If you have used a dishwasher, washer or dryer which puts up the time for a cycle to complete, all we can say is do not believe it. If you do I have a bridge to sell you.

A load of towels, which the computer chip in a friend’s washer (at right above) attempted to balance, rebalance and balance again left the time to go indicator at two minutes for almost an hour recently — all while we twiddled our thumbs waiting for the final “beep!”

And do not think I am singling out washers and dryers. The computer chips to make things think for you are in everything.

Our microwave asks whether we are thawing beef, chicken, fish or bread and what the weight is, before putting up a time when one hits start. Problem is, the estimate is just that — a guess — and often not too educated. Let’s be logical here: How good can it be because the machine doesn’t know if the item being thawed has been frozen two hours at -10 degrees or two weeks or two months at +20 degrees, therefore how CAN it possibly know what time will be needed for it to thaw?

To avoid hungry guests revolting, buy fresh, thaw a day ahead or give yourself some extra time. And keep an eye on things because if that chip thaws your food too long, your chicken breasts will come out of the thaw cycle half-baked before you ever start cooking.

But again it doesn’t stop here. We thought we were being clever and bought a major manufacturer’s radio for our car. We had a photo and wrote about it in this column a month or three ago. It’s one that connects to the internet, has a screen to allow GPS and also lets the driver answer calls hands-free and does everything but mop the floor.

Problem is that they spent all our cash on the whizz-bangs and gimcracks, and there was not much leftover for the radio circuits.

On a recent long-distance trip we found station after station we tuned to distorted and lasting just a few minutes before being over-run with static.

Fearing the radio was defective, when we returned home, we contacted the shop where we bought it a few months ago and were told, “Oh, that’s a great set but they don’t have much of a tuner in it because most people use it to play from their iTunes playlist or through their phones so the radio is not very good.”

Again, those computer chips and the cost factors are at play. And again the consumer loses.

And finally, don’t get me started about cars and motorcycles and other modes of transport.

The chips in them are “big brother” and know (and can tell your insurance company, police or government safety folks, too) how fast you were going, if you hit the brakes and a lot more if you have a wreck and claim damages.

Others are equipped for everything from breath tests to see if you have had too many drinks to drive and locks to keep folks who don’t know your code out.

There are also chips which tell us to “check engine” (When that lights I open the hood to see if someone stole the motor before calling the auto club!) and others to say tyre pressure might be low when usually it’s not anything serious but when Fall and cold weather arrive tyres naturally lose a bit of buoyancy, fooling the sensors and that **%£!@@@ chip into thinking you have a flat. Of course, those “smart” computers often cannot tell what’s really up, and report an issue which is sure to send you to the tyre shop or service garage.

So the chips and mini-computers are everywhere and sadly, in my way of thinking, the more we allow them to be the “brains” behind our lives, the less likely we are to get things done, but the more likely we are to have unnecessary repair bills and the definite likelihood we have of being “stranded” in the laundry room for 45 minutes waiting for that “2 minutes to go” load to finish.

Of course that means machines have beaten man and our time is now useless, right?

Page 31: Up Downtown August 2014

Up Downtown / Indianapolis 08.14 On The Web At: www.updowntown.net Page 31

Other Points of Interest:1.) Drugstore / Chemist : CVS (2 locations)2.) BARcelona Tapas3.) 110 East Washington Condos / Adobo Grill4.) 501 On Madison Apartment Flats5.) 1 North Penn / Pita Pit6.) Punch Burger7.) JW Marriott Hotel8.) Cosmopolitan On The Canal9.) Carson Pirie Scott & Co.10.) Hoosier Park / Indiana Grand Winner’s Circle 11.) Stars Cafe12.) English Ivy's13.) Fogo De Chao Brazilian Steak House14.) Federal Express15.) Mass Ave. Toys, SubZero & Arts A Poppin’16.) All Star Tire & Auto17.) O'Malia Food Market & Fusek's Hardware18.) Soupremacy19.) TJ Maxx & The Block Apartments

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Page 32: Up Downtown August 2014

Page 32 Up Downtown / Indianapolis 08.14 On The Web At: www.updowntown.net

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