quiet mind, fearless heart the taoist path through stress and spirituality

Quiet Mind,Fearless Heart

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Also by Brian Luke Seaward, Ph.D.

Hot Stones and Funny Bones: Teens Helping Teens Coping with Stressand Anger

Health of the Human Spirit; Spiritual Dimension for Personal Health

The Art of Calm: Relaxation through the Five Senses

Stressed Is Desserts Spelled Backward: Rising above Life’s Challenges withHumor, Hope, and Courage

Stand Like Mountain, Flow Like Water: Reflections on Stress andHuman Spirituality

Health and Wellness Journal Workbook (second edition)

Managing Stress: A Creative Journal (third edition)

Managing Stress: Principles and Strategies for Health and Well-being(fourth edition)

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Quiet Mind,Fearless Heart

The Taoist Path through

Stress and Spirituality

B R I A N L U K E S E AWA R D, P h . D.

John Wiley & Sons, Inc.

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Copyright © 2005 by Brian Luke Seaward, Ph.D. All rights reservedPublished by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey Published simultaneously in CanadaThe author gratefully acknowledges the following for permission to quote from: page34, If Life Is a Game, These Are the Rules: Ten Rules for Being Human by Dr. ChérieCarter-Scott, Broadway Books, © 1998; page 91, translation from Tao Te Ching cour-tesy of Josh Zhou; page 117, “Stand Like Mountain, Flow Like Water” by Brian LukeSeaward, © Health Communications Inc. Reprinted with permission; page 165,“Beauty Poem” from In One Era and Out the Other by Samuel Levenson. Reprintedby permission of SLL/Sterling Lord Literistic, Inc. Copyright 1996 by Samuel Lev-enson; page 226, “The Winds of Grace” by Brian Luke Seaward, © Inspiration Unlim-ited. Reprinted with permission. All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or trans-mitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, record-ing, scanning, or otherwise, except as permitted under Section 107 or 108 of the 1976United States Copyright Act, without either the prior written permission of the Pub-lisher, or authorization through payment of the appropriate per-copy fee to the Copy-right Clearance Center, 222 Rosewood Drive, Danvers, MA 01923, (978) 750-8400,fax (978) 646-8600, or on the web at www.copyright.com. Requests to the Publisherfor permission should be addressed to the Permissions Department, John Wiley &Sons, Inc., 111 River Street, Hoboken, NJ 07030, (201) 748-6011, fax (201) 748-6008.

Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: While the publisher and the author haveused their best efforts in preparing this book, they make no representations or war-ranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book andspecifically disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a partic-ular purpose. No warranty may be created or extended by sales representatives or written sales materials. The advice and strategies contained herein may not be suit-able for your situation. You should consult with a professional where appropriate. Nei-ther the publisher nor the author shall be liable for any loss of profit or any othercommercial damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential,or other damages.

For general information about our other products and services, please contact our Cus-tomer Care Department within the United States at (800) 762-2974, outside theUnited States at (317) 572-3993 or fax (317) 572-4002.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data:Seaward, Brian Luke.

Quiet mind, fearless heart : the Taoist path through stress and spirituality / BrianLuke Seaward.

p. cm.Includes bibliographical references and index.ISBN 0-471-67999-2 (pbk.)1. Spiritual life. 2. Stress (Psychology)—Religious aspects. 3. Taoism. I. Title.BL624.S4226 2004

299.5'144—dc222004014378

Printed in the United States of America10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

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www.wiley.com

For Donna and Scott Mefford

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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS ix

INTRODUCTION The Best of Times, the Worst of Times 1

PART I

Into the Unknown 9

1 The Winds of Change Are Brewing 11

2 Under Pressure 37

PART II

Crossing the Threshold 61

3 Stand Like Mountain, Move Like Water 63

4 Move a Mountain, Walk on Water 119

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CONTENTS

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viii C O N T E N T S

PART III

Life in the Balance 141

5 The Human Equinox: Six Ways to Bring Balanceinto Your Life 143

6 The Health of the Human Spirit: Twenty-one Strategies for Letting Go of Stress 167

PART IV

Back Home Again 211

7 The Winds of Grace 213

EPILOGUE Sacred Spaces and Divine Inspiration 227

REFERENCES AND RESOURCES 231

INDEX 233

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First and foremost, I would like to thank Susan Lee Cohen ofthe Riverside Literary Agency, who, upon seeing my FedEx

package one summer day, opened it, read the contents, and imme-diately signed me on. Susan, you are truly a gift, and I thank theuniverse for having our paths cross. I look forward to many moreliterary ventures with you. Special thanks go to Tom Miller, myeditor at John Wiley & Sons, who has been a blessing to workwith—Tom, thanks for holding the vision and sharing your wis-dom, which enabled this book to reach its greatest potential. I amforever indebted to my friend and colleague Deepak Chopra, whois the divine manifestation of infinite possibilities. A big bear hugto Larry Dossey, M.D., Nien Cheng, and Candace Pert, Ph.D., fortheir wonderful endorsements of this book as well. Special thanksto Sean Hepburn Ferrer, you’re the best! Long live the spirit ofyour mom, Audrey Hepburn. Words of gratitude go to my per-sonal assistant, Marlene Yates, who read the manuscript moretimes than she ever thought possible but also told me that the con-tent was so rich, she got more out of it with each reading. A for-tune cookie’s gratitude to my friend Josh Zhou for his translationof the Tao Te Ching passage. My deepest gratitude to the specialpeople who shared their stories with me, which added vitality andcolor to this book. Special thanks goes to Mark S. Johnson. Youare one good hombre for touching up my photos. Pura Vida! Heart-felt thanks to Peter Vegso and Gary Seidler at Health Communi-cations Inc., who gave the book Stand Like Mountain a home yearsago. Gratitude to Javier Saws at Eversound Music too. Thanks tothe spirit of Lao Tzu, Joseph Campbell, and all the wisdom keep-ers whose insights are woven into this book. As always, specialthanks to my friends, family, and fans, too numerous to mention,who have been so generous with their support over the years.Thanks for making this a better world in which to live.

ix

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

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1

IntroductionThe Best of Times,the Worst of Times

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked . . . the deeper

that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you

can contain . . . Verily you are suspended like scales

between your sorrow and your joy.

— K A H L I L G I B R A N, T H E P R O P H E T

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It’s likely that Charles Dickens was not well versed in the Taoistphilosophy when he began his classic novel A Tale of Two Cities

with the now infamous paraphrased line “It was the best of times,it was the worst of times.” The truth is, you don’t have to studyTaoism to appreciate the concept of balance. Balance is an inher-ent aspect of life. It’s ubiquitous throughout all cultures and hasbeen expressed in the wisdom of every language since the dawn ofhumanity. Words such as inner peace, equilibrium, stability, home-ostasis, coherence, and steadiness all speak to the philosophy of Taoism. Lao Tzu just happened to be the first to describe this philosophy—quite eloquently, I might add—more than two thou-sand years ago in his book Tao Te Ching. Dickens’s phrase, however,strikes a harmonic chord in the heart of almost everyone, becausedeep down inside, we know that both good and bad moments cancoexist, for better or worse, on any given day and sometimes in thesame situation.

With the rapid changes taking place in our society today, youmight find it hard to acknowledge, let alone appreciate, the posi-tive aspects of life, particularly if you watch the nightly news. Cur-rent research suggests that over one-third of the American publictakes antidepressants. Sixty-three percent of the American popu-lation is overweight. The average American carries approximately


$8,000 of credit card debt, and, sadly, episodes of violence at gradeschools and colleges across the nation have not decreased since the1999 massacre at Columbine High School. Yet stress is not just anAmerican curse; it’s a global phenomenon. From Sao Paul, Brazil,to Johannesburg, South Africa, and beyond, people’s lives are outof balance and are becoming even more so. If Lao Tzu were alivetoday, my hunch is that he would be a bit disappointed.

“May you live in interesting times,” is often cited as a Chinesecurse, and we would all agree that these are indeed interestingtimes. Yet, even so, I often think, “God, it’s a great time to be alive.”I know I am not alone in this sentiment. Many people say that weare living in a remarkable time right now, and they see this “curse”as a blessing. Truly, our attitude is the paintbrush with which wecolor the world. At no time in human history has so much know-ledge (particularly, through the Internet) become so accessible toso many people. As the saying goes, “With knowledge comes free-dom!” Based on the e-mails I receive from around the world, theinformation superhighway is buzzing with activity, as curiosityseekers and gung-ho Internet surfers seek answers and spiritualinsights to help them make sense of this crazy world, and do itgracefully.

Conversely, in the last couple of years and even this morning,I have heard comments, speeches, and editorials about the direshape of the world today. It is no exaggeration to say that we arepoised in a very precarious position. Our growth has exceeded ourcapacity to sustain ourselves, our freedom has outstripped ourresponsibility, and we are now causing irrefutable damage to thebiosphere we call home, with problems that range from globalwarming to genetically modified super foods. This brings to mindWoody Allen’s tongue-in-cheek comment: “More than any othertime in history, mankind faces a crossroad. One path leads todespair and utter hopelessness. The other to total extinction. Letus pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.”

From ancient Egypt comes an axiom, “As above, so below.” Itsuggests that the microcosm and the macrocosm are tightly inter-twined. Not only is balance an issue for each individual, it’s neces-sary for the entire world. Both wonderful and horrific times awaithumanity. To be quite blunt, the world is out of balance. Putting

I N T RO D U C T I O N 3


4 QU I E T M I N D, F E A R L E S S H E A RT

it back into balance may seem like a daunting task, yet it’s notimpossible. Self-improvement, like charity, begins at home. FromChina, an ancient proverb cautions that to bring peace to theworld, one must first bring peace to one’s heart. Quiet Mind, Fear-less Heart is more than a cute mantra to promote inner peace; it’sa philosophy by which we can live our lives in balance, uniting thedivine spirit with the human spirit to overcome personal adversity,thus bringing peace to the heart and the soul.

For nearly three decades, I have gathered nuggets of wisdomabout stress and human spirituality. Over the years, I have sharedthese insights in settings that range from college classrooms andcorporate boardrooms to a host of national and international conferences and workshops. My journey has been nothing lessthan ecstatic. I have learned that the relationship between stressand human spirituality is so strong, it would be a travesty and agreat disservice not to address it. I learned early on that stress-management courses and seminars are natural vehicles in which todemonstrate this association and to augment personal growth byintegrating various aspects of human spirituality into everyday life.Today, with our feng shui’ed houses and the ever-increasing popularity of yoga and tai chi classes, we may take this for granted;however, things were quite different back in the seventies.

For instance, in 1970, it was rare to hear the word spirituality ineveryday conversations. To the contrary, people were actuallydebating whether God was dead! To show you how far things havecome, now you can hear the word spirituality in conversations taking place anywhere from the frozen food section of your localgrocer to late-night talk-radio phone calls. Moreover, decades ago,you would have been hard-pressed to find human spiritualityaddressed anywhere, other than in religious texts and a few self-help psychology books. If, thirty-odd years ago, someone had toldyou that there would be a popular book on the market titled Spirituality for Dummies, you would most likely have either raisedan eyebrow or keeled over with laughter. So common is the wordsoul in book titles nowadays that a classic joke in the field of healthpsychology asks, “Who knew the soul was so fragmented?” Whilesome things are slow to change, it’s encouraging to see that thetopic of human spirituality is now seriously being addressed in both


medical schools and corporate boardrooms (Enron, Worldcom,and Tyco, notwithstanding!). There are even conferences and asso-ciations on the topic of spirituality in business (for example, checkout www.spiritualityinbusiness.com).

An expression states that every generation has to reinvent itself.If you don’t believe this, look around at today’s hairstyles, slang,clothing, fashion, and music. (Remember your parents’ or grand-parents’ initial reaction to the Beatles? It’s probably not too dis-similar from your reaction to Eminem or any band that plays“techno.”) Does the same hold true for spirituality? Does thisaspect of human nature need to be reinvented for the twenty-firstcentury? In some regards, yes, because spirituality is experiential.The topic of spirituality has a uniqueness all its own. Although thetenets of spiritual wisdom can never be reinvented, surely they canand must be reinterpreted, as guidance for the troubled times ofeach generation. Every new experience demands that we readjustthe lens through which we see the world and try to make sense ofthings. It therefore stands to reason that we need to continuallyreturn to sources of wisdom for guidance. Without a doubt, theseinsights will serve as a compass on the path of our human journey.

The Tao Te Ching is but one source of ageless wisdom. Unlikewriters of other books who use the word Tao in the title and scat-ter quotes from Lao Tzu’s writings throughout the text, I have cho-sen to follow the spirit of Tao by using a more subtle approach, byelaborating on the essence of balance, simplicity, and harmonythat is found not only in the Tao Te Ching but also in many writ-ings, East and West, with the same universal message.

Because I’ve given many seminars and presentations on thetopic of stress and spirituality, people often ask me about my reli-gious upbringing. They inquire, “Are you Buddhist?” “Were youraised Catholic?” “Are you a Christian?” One woman insisted thatI was Jewish, and once a man said, “You don’t look Hindi, but yousurely are well versed in the Hindu Vedic scriptures.” I merelysmiled. Rest assured, the ageless wisdom found in these pagesknows no one particular religion. In its own subtle way, humanspirituality permeates all belief systems, to their very core.Although I could share my background with you, in the past Ifound that by my doing so, people began to perceive this wisdom




through my eyes, rather than through their own. To be honest, myreligious upbringing is not important. In the prophetic words ofone of my favorite luminaries, the theologian Matthew Fox, “Weare living in a post-denominational age now.” So, my backgroundfor now shall remain a mystery.

When my first book, Stand Like Mountain, Flow Like Water,came out in 1997, it rode the second, or perhaps the third, waveof books on the topic of spirituality. This wave included everythingfrom angels, aliens, and bountiful helpings of chicken soup to newclues in the search for the Holy Grail. What made my book dis-tinctive, however, was its focus on the unique relationship betweenstress and spirituality. After I wrote Stand Like Mountain, I did notintend to revisit this issue (I naively thought I had written all thatI could say). Yet a confluence of factors (e.g., letters from readers,workshop participants’ comments, the Columbine High Schoolmassacre, and, of course, September 11, 2001) enticed me to onceagain drink from the waters of “ageless wisdom” and put pen topaper, or, more specifically, fingers to keyboard and further explorethe insights from various wisdom keepers regarding what thephilosopher Aldous Huxley called “the perennial philosophy.”Among the many events that inspired me to write this book, Iwould like to share two with you.

Not until the end of the spring semester in 2000 did I learn thatseveral survivors of the Columbine High School shooting were inmy stress-management course at the University of Northern Colorado. Wanting to keep a low profile, they never mentionedtheir experience in class. These seven students had dodged bulletsin the cafeteria and the library of Columbine High School thatnotorious April morning. Several months later, they enrolled in myclass, hoping to reclaim a sense of inner peace that had been lostthat day. On the last day of class, each of these students specificallythanked me, and one expressed her thoughts this way: “I havebeen in therapy and counseling since last April, simply grieving.Thank you for putting all the pieces together, including that whichwas missing for me: the health of the human spirit. Up until thisclass, I was living in a fog. It’s lifted now, and I feel that I can actu-ally go on with my life, walking in balance. Please keep sharingyour message of hope.”


Perhaps equally poignant was a man who walked into a book-store in North Carolina, during a signing for my second book, Stressed Is Desserts Spelled Backward. He waited patiently inline, and when he approached my table, he politely asked whetherI would autograph his copy of Stand Like Mountain. The book inhis hand was so worn, it was barely recognizable. As he placed iton the table for me to sign, I could see that this man had traveledmany miles on the human journey. Smiling, he opened the bookto the page he wanted autographed and said, “I’ve read this bookthrough several times. It’s been a big help to me.” He paused fora moment before continuing, “I was an alcoholic when I picked itup two years ago; I have been sober ever since. I came here to personally thank you.” He expressed the same wish that others had:“Please keep spreading your message of hope and inspiration.”From these and other encounters, I realized that if you can posi-tively affect one person’s life, you have made the world a betterplace. So, once again, I drink from the waters of ageless wisdom,and the result is Quiet Mind, Fearless Heart.

In the spirit of one of my heroes, Joseph Campbell (The Powerof Myth), a man who certainly understood the relationship betweenstress and spirituality, this book is divided into sections that resem-ble the classic template of what Campbell called “the Hero’s Jour-ney.” Part I: Into the Unknown frames our departure from thefamiliar into a brave new stressful world and the problems oftenassociated with that departure. Part II: Crossing the Threshold high-lights the ageless wisdom of the dance between stress and spiritu-ality and features several stories of everyday heroes who performthe dance masterfully. Part III: Life in the Balance contains abundanthow-to advice to help you build a solid foundation or an actionplan, using effective coping skills to victoriously meet the challenge of life’s stress and thus celebrate your own heroicqualities. Part IV: Back Home Again brings you home to a hero’swelcome, with a few inspirational stories that promise that you,too, can complete the journey and return home as “the master oftwo worlds.” To support the theme of balance, sprinkled through-out the book are exercises, action plans, photographs, meditations,and poems to engage the right brain, help the left brain to processand reintegrate the information, and remind us of what we already




know. It is my hope that Quiet Mind, Fearless Heart can reawakenyour slumbering spirit, help you build a foundation of balance inyour life, and enable you to regain a sense of personal homeosta-sis, so that the winds of change become the winds of grace that willallow your spirit to soar!


PA R T I

Into the Unknown

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step,”wrote the Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu, as sage advice tofellow travelers on the Taoist path. The renowned mythol-ogist Joseph Campbell often referred to the first stage of“the Hero’s Journey” as “the call to adventure,” a step thatall of us must take, many times in the course of our lives.The cautious first step into the unknown, however, is typically accompanied by fear—so much so, that it canimmobilize us, make us want to refuse the call, rather thananswer it. This part highlights our departure from theknown into the unknown, from the familiar to the unbal-anced brave new world we now find ourselves in, and thecommon dangers of getting stuck or lost on the way.

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11

1

The Winds of ChangeAre Brewing

When we forget our stories,

then we forget our dreams.

When we forget our dreams,

we lose our spirit.

— M A O R I S AY I N G

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Remember when the world seemed like a simpler place tolive? Not long ago, stores were closed on Sundays. Only girls

wore earrings. There were just three television networks (four, ifyou could get PBS). Cell phones were considered science fiction.Only NASA engineers and MIT professors used computers. Somecows were a bit unhappy, but none were mad, and there were sevenwords you could never say on television. That was then. Things arequite different now!

The stormy winds of change are blowing fast and furious today,and, by all accounts, they show no signs of stopping. Change hasalways been part of the human landscape, but the rate of changeoccurring today, from near-instantaneous telecommunications toterrorism, genetic engineering, and globalization, is unparalleledin human history. Future shock has arrived, throwing everythingout of balance. Experts suggest that we will see as much dramaticchange in the next three to five years as our grandparents saw in alifetime. Are you ready for this?

If your answer is no, you’re not alone. Add to this list moresocial changes, such as nanotechnology, rapidly infectious diseases,and cloning, as well as any personal dramas that you might gothrough, whether a death in the family, the end of a marriage, orbeing downsized out of a job, and your pace of life has just accel-erated tenfold. Social changes only increase your levels of personalstress. The winds of change are blowing at gale force, so it’s bestto batten down the hatches by using your inner strength.

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Believe it or not, if you stay anchored to your inner resources(e.g., faith, optimism, courage), it is possible to stay calm in the eyeof the storm. Yet most people, distracted by the newest technol-ogy craze or a plethora of shallow media events, find it hard to recognize their strengths, let alone make use of them. Whetherwelcome or unwelcome, change is often associated with stress,because with change comes uncertainty, and uncertainty breedsfear. Fear clouds the mind and robs the heart of its highest poten-tial. Let there be no doubt that we are living in a time of great fear.

Nestled up against the foothills of the Rockies, Boulder, Colorado, may not be your typical town, but like everywhere elsein America, the winds of change blow here regularly. Renowned forits mountain splendor and subtle mystique, “the Republic of Boul-der” is sometimes described as ten square miles surrounded byreality. At the cash register of my favorite local bakery, there is asign taped to a huge teacup. Unlike most signs that read “Need apenny, take a penny,” this one says “If you fear change, leave ithere.” Every time I go in, I notice that the bowl is overflowing withpennies, nickels, dimes, and quarters. I’m not sure whether peoplecontribute their pocket change out of jest, guilt, or authentic fear,but without a doubt, not only is change brewing, like the pocketchange in this teacup, it is overflowing. Change is inevitable, andwith change comes fear, particularly fear of the unknown. Granted,while a little bit of change (e.g., new restaurants, new music, etc.)can interrupt life’s monotony, by and large, people don’t likechange because it is perceived as stressful. As the expression goes,“The only person who likes change is a wet baby.”

The weather from hell. Traffic from hell. The stock marketfrom hell. Have you noticed how popular hell has become lately?Hell is the metaphorical symbol of stress, and whether it’s frozenover or breaking loose, there seems to be no shortage of turbulent winds these days, all of which precipitate feelings of personal stress. Everywhere you go, people are tense, frustrated,and pushed beyond the limits of their patience. Take a look around.Listen closely. People talk as if they have Tourette’s syndrome, orthey complain like Andy Rooney on 60 Minutes. He gets paid towhine, though; the rest of us do it for free.

T H E W I N D S O F C H A N G E A R E B R E W I N G 13

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A Lesson from ChurchillPerhaps the first time the world’s inhabitants were acutely awareof global stress was during the height of World War II. But evenbefore the atomic bomb was dropped on Japan, ushering in the ageof nuclear destruction, Britain was continuously being bombed bythe Germans in the famous “Blitz.” Winston Churchill, the primeminister of England and a man known to never mince words,shared this thought with his countrymen: “If you’re going throughhell . . . keep going.” Though slightly humorous, his message holdsprofound wisdom. In times of great strife, we often want to throwin the towel and give up. Many people, when confronted withstress, whether of the mountain or the molehill variety, admit defeatwithout even trying. Churchill’s message was clear. Hell isn’t meantto be a permanent refuge or a final destination, so keep moving.

The Hero’s CodeAt a recent dinner party I attended, the conversation was abuzzwith personal strife and national calamities: the death of a mutualfriend, a newly discovered cancerous tumor, and a hellaciousdivorce, as well as the stock market crisis, high school shootings,and weather storms of biblical proportions. Eight of us sat around thetable, sharing moments of our lives, perceptions of the global village,and our visions of the next decade. With each new topic of the conversation, we tried to make sense of the rapidly changing worldwe live in, as well as determine our best course of action while individually navigating the shoals of impending disaster. It didn’ttake long for us to realize that stress was a recurring theme in everyaspect of our lives. In the midst of our apparent abundance andprosperity was the inherent knowledge that things were terriblyamiss.

Mark put down his wine glass and asked, “Is it me or has anyoneelse noticed that the planet earth has become a runaway train?” Hisquestion went unanswered for a few moments. Then the diningroom became vibrant with conversation on how to take commandin a situation where control is a tempestuous illusion. With a wary

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eye on the future, we came to a simple consensus that the only wayto deal with the turbulent times ahead was to have a clear mind anda brave heart with no trace of fear, for it made no sense to eitherfight with anger or surrender in disgust. We had too much livingto do. Before we drove back to our respective homes, we made apledge to return to the same dinner table in a few months, likeknights returning to King Arthur’s round table, to share with thegroup how we had slayed a personal dragon or two, found themythical Holy Grail, and, in doing so, made the world a betterplace to live.

Brave New World RevisitedA hush fell over the crowd as the speaker walked up to the micro-phone. It was the spring of 2004, and the topic was “GlobalChange,” a glimpse into the next decade through the eyes of oneof the country’s foremost futurists, Dr. Paul Kordis. His presenta-tion was an eloquent synthesis of keen insights poised at the vanguardof what the next decade holds in store for earth’s inhabitants. Dr. Kordis spoke of the advances in microchip technology, politicalupheavals, nanotechnology, the application of the Human GenomeProject, newly revealed secrets from the Hubble space telescope,the bioengineering of food, and more. At the conclusion of his talk,he specifically addressed the fear that will accompany thesechanges, as paradigms crumble and belief systems collapse. “Wehave entered a time in the history of humanity when our capacityto use this technology has exceeded the consciousness to questionwhether it should indeed, be used. I am afraid to say there is nostopping it.” Kordis paused to view the attentive audience. “Welcometo a brave new world,” he said without a hint of cynicism.

In 1939 the book Brave New World rolled off the presses. Itdescribed a future utopian society—ironically, one not withoutproblems. Its author, Aldous Huxley, like other science fictionwriters of his time, used literature to make a philosophical pointabout many things, including spiritual hunger and the pursuit of happiness. Huxley died in 1964, but if he were alive today, he would most likely not be surprised to see the advances in

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computer technology, cloning, and mind-altering pharmaceuti-cals that he envisioned so many decades ago. He might, however,be disheartened to know that with these changes, humanity’s poten-tial is far less than realized. Apparently, his warning went unheeded.

Like so many other science fiction books, Huxley’s work wasn’tso much a vision, as it was a spiritual wake-up call. Ever thephilosopher, Huxley intuitively knew the dangers of a world thatneither acknowledged nor fully embraced the spiritual dimensionof life. In a later book of nonfiction titled The Perennial Philosophy,Huxley explored the deeper issues of human spirituality by synthesizing ageless wisdom derived from several of the world’scultures, traditions, and religions. Reality, he explained, is a shroudedmystery, hidden from people who are neither pure of heart nor lightin spirit—in essence, those who are victims to personal events, by notlearning from them or moving on with life.

People who travel the human journey with a pure heart and alight spirit, no matter what comes their way, will master the humancondition. Huxley believed that while life is never easy, when oneis armed with a pure heart and a hungry spirit that’s willing to learn,the trials of the human journey are always rewarding. His call toaction is as important today as it was when he first wrote Brave NewWorld about half a century ago—given the state of current globalchanges and personal strife, coupled with futuristic technology,perhaps even more so.

A growing majority of people believes that brave or foolish, wetruly have entered a “New World.” In many ways, though, themore things change, the more they remain the same. Yet regard-less of the personal issues and the global events that lie ahead, westill have valuable inner resources to cope with change. Patience,compassion, honesty, faith, humor, forgiveness, and a score ofother human attributes have helped us deal effectively with per-sonal crises and cope with stress throughout the course of humanhistory. I call these inner resources “muscles of the soul.” Whenwe use them in trying times, they manifest as grace. To quote afamiliar expression often attributed to Ernest Hemingway, “Styleis grace under pressure.” Undoubtedly, adapting to personal andglobal change in today’s world without animosity, resentment, orfear takes grace.

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The Way of the Tao

If one word describes Nien Cheng, it is grace. I was first introduced to Nien in 1987 through her book Life and Death in Shanghai, a remarkable, heroic story of the human spirit’s triumphover indescribable adversity. With the rise of communism underthe rule of Mao Tse-tung, all Chinese intellectuals who spokeEnglish were accused of being spies. Nien had been educated inLondon and had lived in Australia as the wife of China’s ambassador;she then took an assignment for Shell Oil in Shanghai after thedeath of her husband. Her past became highly suspect to the Communist Red Guard. In 1965, at the age of fifty-six, she wasfalsely accused of being a spy and imprisoned in solitary confine-ment for over six years. She endured horrendous living conditionsand physical torture. She was never allowed to see her family,including her only daughter, Mei Ping. A U.S. détente betweenNixon and Mao opened a window of opportunity in 1972, and several prisoners, including Nien, were released. Upon learningthe unspeakable fate of her daughter, she made the decision toleave China forever, first immigrating to Canada, then relocatingto the United States. If you were to meet her today at age ninety,you would see the scars on her wrists from shackles she was forcedto wear. But more important, you would be struck by her sinceresmile and bright eyes, conveying grace and dignity and giving nohint of the utter hell she endured.

While serving on the faculty of the American University inWashington, D.C., I invited Nien to be a guest speaker for mystress-management class in the spring of 1992. She graciouslyaccepted. A wonderful friendship developed afterward, which overthe years has been cultivated with letters, phone calls, and e-mails.When I return periodically to the nation’s capital, we visit overlunch or dinner. Conversations with Nien are never boring, as sheis well versed in many topics that range from politics, health care,and gardening, to current issues and world events.

Sitting in her living room sipping tea one afternoon, I askedwhether she had seen the movie Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.Her face lit up with a big smile. “Oh, yes,” she said, “I liked it somuch, I saw it twice. You know, long ago, this was how they made

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movies in China: flying on rooftops and such. As a young girl, Iloved to see them. Then Mao Tse-tung took over, and they stoppedmaking these films. The communists,” she said with a faint laugh,“they have no sense of humor.” Humor, I learned, was one ofNien’s many inner resources.

I mentioned that I, too, had seen it twice and was quite takenwith the philosophical theme, as well as with the movie’s plot.Pouring more tea, Nien looked up to make eye contact and askedwhether I was familiar with the concept of Taoism. Like many people in the mid-seventies, I first became aware of the Taoistphilosophy by reading Fritjof Capra’s book The Tao of Physics whileattending college and again, years later, while reading The Tao ofPooh. Taoism is rather hard to explain, so rather than risk embar-rassing myself, I politely shook my head, hoping that Nien wouldshare her insights. She did.

“We have a philosophy in China called Taoism.” She paused tocollect her thoughts, before attempting to explain the unexplainable.“Taoism is not a religion, it’s merely a practical way of life: livingsimply, living a life of balance and harmony.” She looked out thewindow. “So many things are out of balance today.” She took a sipof tea, then shared her experience of being interned in Shanghai’sNumber 1 Detention House. It became obvious to me that notonly her faith in God but her subtle discipline of patience, integrity,and persistence, as expressed through the Taoist philosophy, hadenabled her to survive such a terrible ordeal.

A Sage Named Lao TzuMany people are aware of the Taoist yin/yang symbol, a ubiquitousicon spotted everywhere in America, from bumper stickers to tattoos, yet few know the origin or the concepts of this ancientChinese philosophy. As the author of the acclaimed book Tao TeChing, Lao Tzu is credited with recording the tenets of Taoismwell over two thousand years ago. Although little is known abouthim, some people believe Lao Tzu to be a contemporary of therenowned philosopher Confucius (551– 479 B.C.). It is understoodthat Lao Tzu wrote this manual of virtues, often called the wisest

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book ever written, for the rulers of the Zhou dynasty. Over time,as Taoist concepts were integrated into Buddhism, the Zen styleof Buddhism became popular in the Orient. Through the cen-turies, the Tao Te Ching made its way into the hands of the general public and is now accessible the world over. Although Taoism originated in China long ago, its popularity stems from thefact that the concepts of balance, simplicity, patience, and harmonyare universal to the human condition.

The Tao Te Ching was a manual for living a life of balance, inharmony with the divine force of the universe. When translatedinto English, the Tao is perhaps best described as “the Way” or“the Path.” Many people think that George Lucas based his con-cept of “the Force” on the Tao, as the two seem nearly identical.Through countless observations of the natural world and humannature, Lao Tzu imparted his wisdom in richly worded poeticverse of eighty-one passages. His intention was to transform consciousness to its highest potential. It would be incorrect, however,to think of the Tao as a list of simple rules or dogma. The complexity of Taoism comes through its application to daily life,including the most simple acts of breathing and walking. A funda-mental tenet of Taoism states that taking time to cultivate theinner landscape of the soul promotes an external harmony underany set of circumstances. If you read a translation of the Tao Te Ching,and there are many, you cannot help but notice a sense of thedivine that connects all things as one. For this reason, a strong, butsubtle mysticism also infuses the Tao.

In the book, 365 Tao, the author, Deng Ming-Dao, writes,“Those who follow Tao would first think to know themselves well.They believe that the outside world is only known in relation toan inner point of view. Self-cultivation is the basis for knowing Tao.Although Tao may be glimpsed in the outer world, individualsmust sharpen their sensibilities in order to observe the workingsof the great.”

A Chinese proverb states, “When there is peace in the heart,there will be peace in the world.” The American version suggeststhe following wisdom: let there be peace on earth and let it beginwith me. When there is peace in the heart of each soul, there will

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be peace in the world. In the words of another great sage, MahatmaGandhi: “To change the world, we must first be the change we wish to see.”

It’s fair to say that under the influence of chronic stress, balanceis called into question. Taoism isn’t a panacea for stress. It merelyoffers suggestions for bringing aspects of life back into balance by going with the flow, rather than fighting the winds of change.Following the way of the Tao provides a sense of empowermentthat allows us to overcome the most hellacious obstacles withoutanimosity or anger—in essence, to walk the human path gracefully.

Recently, a 113-year-old Floridian was asked about the secretto his longevity. His answer embodied the wisdom of the Tao:“When it rains, I let it.”

A Crazy Little Thing Called StressThe moment I walked off the plane, I was greeted by a man holdinga sign with my name on it, who then escorted me to a limousine.I had just flown out to Hollywood to tape a talk show on stress. LosAngeles, the epitome of stress, was nothing less than frenetic, fromthe airport to the freeways to the heart of the city. When I walkedinto the studio, I thought, “You’d need an ax to cut through thetension in this place.” People were running around like crazy:beauticians from the makeup department pranced all over, producers roamed the halls in search of the show’s hosts, nervousguests paced the floors in their dressing rooms, and security guardswith earphones and mikes raced around like the president’s SecretService, trying to keep everything in order. I sat patiently in the“green room,” waiting to go on, and within minutes was escortedto the stage and quickly seated. After a brief introduction, the firstquestion I was asked was “Dr. Seaward, what is stress?” At the time,it was hard to give a comprehensive answer in a sound bite, but Ihave more time now, so here is a more thorough answer.

Although there are many different definitions of stress, the onethat I like best states that “stress is any change you encounter inyour life.” Today the words change and stress are often used synonymously, particularly in light of global terrorism and thenational terrorism alert code. As a rule, people feel threatened by

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change. We don’t like change because it tends to disrupt our comfort zones, which can include anything from our daily routinesto our thoughts, opinions, and attitudes about all aspects of life.Like the tectonic plates that shift and crumble during a violentearthquake, change can dramatically shift the foundation of ourlives and quite literally move the earth on which we walk.

There are many definitions of stress. Each definition dependson which expert (e.g., psychologist, sociologist, physiologist, ortheologian) you talk to. The word stress comes from the field ofphysics. In the simplest terms, “stress is the force or pressureapplied to an object, enough to bend or break it.” If you have everbeen emotionally distraught or overwhelmed beyond belief, yousurely know what this feels like. Professionals in the field of medi-cine tend to see stress as “wear and tear” on the body, and sureenough, there is a strong association between stress and disease.Therapists and counselors in the field of psychology define stressas the “inability to cope with problems,” as well as “the loss of emotional control.” People with a more spiritual approach saythat “stress is the absence of inner peace.” Quite honestly, all ofthese insights together, when examined through the mind-body-spirit equation, only begin to approach the essence of what stressreally is. Ironically, stress is almost as complex to define as it is toresolve. An ancient Chinese proverb offers this insight: tension iswho you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.

Where There’s Unresolved Stress,There’s Ego

Barely a household word a few decades ago, stress is now as American as apple pie and as common as the use of cell phones. In fact, stress is ubiquitous across the planet. Even the WorldHealth Organization calls stress “a global epidemic.” It doesn’tmatter where you live, how much money you make, what you dofor a living, or how dysfunctional your parents were when you weregrowing up—everyone has stress. Stress, quite aptly, is called the“equal opportunity destroyer.” Like change, stress has always beenpart of the human landscape, but in our rapidly changing world,

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problems, both big and small, now form momentous headwinds.Sadly, the average person seems to have neither a clear referencepoint to achieve balance, nor a lucid perspective from which toavoid this deluge and take full command of his or her life.

The stress people feel today comes not only from a multitudeof outside sources, such as the lack of job security or the loomingthreat of terrorism, but also from the internal voice of the ego,which constantly interprets both personal and global events. Theego itself can cause a tremendous amount of stress. If you were tohold a bunch of stress experts captive in a room and not releasethem until they came to a consensus, they most likely would saythat stress, real or imagined, is a “perceived” threat to our physi-cal, mental, emotional, or spiritual existence. Note that the wordperceived is in quotes, because two people can experience the samesituation, yet one may find it nonthreatening, while the other isfreaking out. Ultimately, stress is based on your interpretation ofeach event, as well as your reaction or response to it. The egoreacts, the soul responds. Both reactions and responses are con-scious choices; however, responses require a clear conscience,brought forth by a calm mind. This is what Aldous Huxley hintedat when he referred to a “pure heart.” And people who say, “Idon’t have stress, I give stress,” are only fooling themselves—theyare time bombs waiting to go off.

With a little prodding and encouragement, these same stressexperts will admit that some stress is actually healthy, but beyondthat point—which, of course, varies from person to person—stresscan be quite harmful. In simple terms, chronic unresolved stress isdeadly. Eventually, it kills. On the other hand, healthful stress isinspiring, motivating, and, yes, even euphoric. Downhill skiingcomes to mind, as does falling in love. Unfortunately, most peo-ple who ricochet through today’s stressed-filled world are wellbeyond the point of motivation and excitement. They are headingtoward burnout, which can manifest as either fear or anger.

Stressed Mind, Angered HeartNot long ago, I went to a movie theater to escape the real worldof cares and worries by entering into a world of fantasy. Despite

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the fact that the movie was a comedy, anger was brewing in theaisles. About halfway into the flick, a cell phone went off, and the man beside me proceeded to whisper loudly into his hand forthe next few minutes. People around me seemed irritated, but noone said anything. When the credits began rolling on screen, theman sitting next to me stood to leave. In a moment of politeassertiveness, I said, “Excuse me, but the next time you come to themovies, would you consider turning off your cell phone?” Heglared at me as if I had tossed a verbal hand grenade and said, “Geta life!”

Astonished but composed, I looked him in the eye. “What didyou say?”

He yelled a profanity and quickly walked away. To live a life without stress is just not possible or even desirable.

To live a life full of stress, however, is neither normal nor healthy.Balance is essential. It may sound rather clichéd, but coping wellwith stress comes down to one thing: your attitude. I have metscores of people who, on the surface, have enviable lives. They havemore possessions than they can use and more money than they canspend, yet they are anything but happy and stress free. Conversely,I know many others whose lifestyles appear less than desirable, asmeasured by the “American dream,” yet they have the world intheir pockets. It’s not that they don’t have stress. They do. Theyjust don’t hold onto it. By cultivating a winning attitude, they havelearned to adapt. They acknowledge stress, work to resolve it, andthen move on. In tomorrow’s world, survival of the fittest willmean the person who adapts well to stress by going with the flow.This is conscious evolution. To be ready for tomorrow, however,we have to start today.

Many sociologists suggest that living in America, the land of milkand honey, the land where dreams come true, has its downside. It hasmade us soft, perhaps even spoiled. Living a comfortable life tendsto weaken our resolve when challenges, both big and small, comeour way. Let there be no doubt: human life is full of ups and downs.Lao Tzu foretold this long ago. His advice was to see the biggerpicture and the cycles that make up our lives. More often than not,though, unresolved stress creates a sense of myopia, and we missthe glorious big picture.

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The quality of life in America is at an all-time high, while peoplearound the globe struggle to make ends meet and earn only dollars per month. Surely, they are laughing at our contemporarystress “problems” (particularly, at the use of Botox to reduce theeffects of aging). However, some Americans have lived longenough to know otherwise. While walking my dog in the local park,I happened to meet Al, an eighty-five-year-old man who takes hisdog, Shadow, out to get his morning exercise. He confided that inthe days of the Depression there was a lot of stress but not likethere is today. “We take so much for granted today. It seems to methat no matter how good life is, people always complain. I am oldenough to remember the Great Depression. People today don’tknow how good they really have it.”

Fight, Flight, or Delight?In a Los Angeles museum stands the skeleton of a six-foot-longsaber-tooth tiger with an equally long tail. If you use your imagin-ation a little, it could be scanning the crowd of tourists for its nextmeal. Chances are, at the intersection of Hollywood and Vine,many millennia ago, this same cat might have snacked on a humanbeing for lunch. A distant relative of the saber-tooth tiger is themountain lion, and today they roam freely, from the foothills of theSierras to the Front Range of the Colorado Rockies. Every coupleof years, newspapers report that someone was chased by a big catwith a long tail. This really is quite rare. For the most part, thefelines are more afraid of us than we are of them, yet a chancemeeting can occur and with it, stress.

For every human who became lunch meat for tigers, lions, andbears eons ago, many more escaped. What allowed them to survivethese animals’ predatory instincts is called the “fight-or-flightresponse,” a survival dynamic that dates further back than anyoneknows. The fight-or-flight response gives you a practical choicewhen you’re cornered by something bigger or more dangerousthan yourself. You could either stick up your fists and draw bloodor, more likely, head for the hills until the danger was gone.Because of our human physiology, we have the ability to do both—at the same time.

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Like a fire alarm that rings in the middle of the night, the fight-or-flight response begins with a mental perception that somethingis amiss. Within milliseconds, the heart starts pumping blood to theextremities. Blood pressure skyrockets to aid the blood’s movementto the large muscle groups. The skin becomes sweaty to cool thecore body temperature, and a rush of hormones, from epinephrineto cortisol, is secreted to pump sugar and free fatty acids into theblood for energy. All of this (and a lot more) occurs immediatelyin your body, enabling you to avoid immanent death. This is thesole reason for the fight-or-flight response—physical survival.

With the exception of a chance unscheduled meeting with amountain lion or quickly passing through a burning building, it’ssafe to say that (terrorism notwithstanding) most of us rarely findourselves in the grip of physical danger. But the fight-or-flightresponse is ready and waiting, in case we ever need it. So, imaginehow inappropriate it is for us to trigger this survival alarm whenstuck in rush-hour traffic, debugging a computer virus, or copingwith a tax audit. With rare exceptions, the fight-or-flight responseis an antiquated survival method in today’s high-tech world ofcomputer crashes and poor cell phone reception. What was oncea valuable asset at the dawn of humanity has now become our great-est liability, threatening our health and well-being. The associationbetween stress and disease is astonishing.

Wired for Stress, Programmed for GodIn 1990 the medical establishment dedicated the entire decade tothe study of the human brain. With the use of MRI technology andother high-tech methods, long-hidden secrets of brain physiologywere brought to light, including what happens during the stressresponse. In his book The End of Stress As We Know It, the researcherBruce McEwen highlights some of these new insights, such as thefact that a preponderance of stress hormones is believed to inhibitnew brain cell growth. Moreover, we now know the exact regionsof the brain that are responsible for emotional thought processing,the specific effect of stress hormones, and the intricate relationshipbetween the brain and the endocrine system. Perhaps it’s no sur-prise to learn that we are indeed hardwired for stress.

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Referring to the stress response as “allostasis,” McEwen says,“The physiological systems that support allostasis follow a basicpattern that’s been used quite successfully, for about 400 millionyears. Surely, these provisions did not evolve for the purpose ofcausing illness.” McEwen admits that for stress, as we know it, toend, there has to be a change in consciousness, or what he calls“positive health.” Positive health begins with a conscious responseto stress and manifests as many healthful behaviors, such as engag-ing in cardiovascular exercise, eating a healthful diet, and gettingadequate sleep; in essence, living a balanced life.

We may be wired for stress, but, according to Andrew Newberg, M.D., we are also wired for spirituality. In his bookWhy God Won’t Go Away, Newberg describes information frombrain-imaging data collected from both Tibetan Buddhists andFranciscan nuns, practicing meditation and contemplative prayer,respectively. A SPECT (single photon emission computed tomo-graphy) machine shows the way that blood flow to the prefrontalcortex, which correlates with neuronal activity, indicates how people register a transcendent or mystical experience. Newbergfound that when the brain is denied typical sensory information,the censor of conscious thought is unplugged, and thus space and time are perceived differently. Meditators often describe this enhanced conscious state as having touched infinity or “being one with everything.” The clinical search for the cerebral“G” spot in the brain has led to a new discipline called “neuro-theology,” the study of the neurobiology of spirituality. Meditationof any type that promotes the relaxation response seems to enhance these euphoric experiences. Emerging leaders in this field of research have reached a consensus that everyone has thebrain circuitry to elicit a mystical experience. Once again, the balance of yin and yang can be achieved through simple brainchemistry.

Mountains and MolehillsThere is a world of difference between the stress of locking yourkeys in your car and that of coping with terminal cancer, but the way

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some people describe their problems, you would never know it. Themind, in cahoots with the ego, has a great way of exaggerating thingsto produce the worst possible effect and the greatest amount ofsympathy. Molehills quickly become mountains. Just as many people climb Mt. Everest these days, there is no shortage of people ranting about all kinds of catastrophic problems, most of which are molehills. As the expression goes, don’t sweat thesmall stuff; you’ll just get wet.

In simple terms, there are two kinds of distress: acute andchronic. Acute stress is very intense but very short term. At themost, these events may last about twenty minutes. Anyone who hasever been pulled over for speeding is familiar with this kind ofstress. The list of acute stressors is nearly endless. Ironically, oncethe problem is over, our memory of it quickly fades and life goeson (until the next encounter). For this reason, acute stress, asintense as it might be, is not a major concern, in terms of its healthrisk. The problem today lies with chronic stress.

It would be nice if chronic stress lasted only minutes, but, typically, it results from issues and problems that persist for weeks,months, or years. Sometimes they may last even decades. Examplesinclude, but are not limited to, bad marriages, terminal illness, a hostile work environment, addictions, elder care, financial prob-lems, and rebellious teenage kids. At first glance these and similar problems seem insurmountable. Avoiding them, however,is not an option. A Zen proverb reminds us that often “the best wayout is through.” Stress must be confronted diplomatically, so thatwe can gracefully move on with our lives.

Despite the abundance of people claiming victimization,enough brave souls have learned to dismantle, circumnavigate, orclimb over these obstacles and move on with their lives to show therest of us that it can be done gracefully. We all have the samepotential. If you were to ask people who overcame their stressorsabout their secret of success, you might hear this sage advice: ifyour mind got you into this mess, use your mind to get you out ofit. These people refuse to see themselves as victims of their situa-tion, and while they would not necessarily call themselves heroes,others surely do.

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A Time for HeroesI lifted the mike to speak and asked the audience members to callto mind a hero in their favorite book or movie. Seated in front ofme, a large group of eighth-graders who were enrolled in a healthclass eagerly raising their hands, offering all kinds of answers.

“Harry Potter,” yelled one.“Frodo Baggins,” shouted another from the back of the room.“Ariel, the Little Mermaid,” said a young girl in the front row.“Neo in The Matrix,” said a fourth.“Stanley Yelnats,” said a fifth, and as he mentioned this name,

I saw the students began to smile, comparing Stanley to Neo. Themovie Holes had just opened, and from the sounds of it, every kidin the auditorium had seen it.

Ever since the 1999 shootings at Columbine High School, Ihave been invited to speak to middle and high school studentsabout coping with stress. One school, in particular, has brought mein several times a year to work with teens, in a class called HealthQuest. In addition to teaching the kids about anger management,humor therapy, and meditation, I spend a full class period sharingJoseph Campbell’s wisdom of the Hero’s Journey: how to be a victor, not a victim, to life’s problems.

After explaining the difference between a celebrity and a hero,I mentioned a few recognizable names.

“Lance Armstrong?” I asked.“Hero,” they yelled in unison.“Rosa Parks?” I asked.“Hero,” they again yelled in unison.“Brad Pitt?” I said.“Celebrity,” they shouted back.“He’s my hero,” a girl in the front row said loud enough for the

entire group to hear. Everyone giggled.

The Hero’s Journey RevisitedJoseph Campbell’s name became a household word in the late1980s, when he appeared in a five-part series with the PBS host BillMoyers. The show was called The Power of Myth, and it explored

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the format for every great story ever told, a format as old as story-telling itself, and that which is used, with some variations, in nov-els, television shows, and movies today.

Campbell dedicated the better part of his life to studying themyths and the stories of nearly every culture, past and present, onthe planet. Despite the differences in language, culture, climate,and history, he was amazed at the similarity in the structure of thesestories. Campbell left no stone unturned when looking behind themessage of each story. He found not only astonishing parallels(e.g., virgin births, resurrections, journeys, healings, etc.) butremarkable patterns, in terms of character development. Regardlessof its origin, each story spoke to the nature and the triumph of thehuman spirit. Extrapolating to the human condition, Campbelloften referred to each person’s life, regardless of gender, as “theHero’s Journey.” Perhaps it’s no surprise that stress and tension canbe found in every story. Apparently, it thickens the plot.

While historians and storytellers haven’t kept a running tab onacute stressors over the ages, they have done an excellent job withchronic stress and people who deal well with it. In fact, not only isthe stress response embedded deep into our DNA, but the meansto solve and resolve problems are encoded as well. It’s just that weforget (perhaps it’s stored in the inactive strands of the doublehelix.) Regardless, the retelling of the Hero’s Journey serves as aconstant reminder to awaken our slumbering spirits and figurativelymake our way back home. Now, more than ever, we need heroes.

Having studied the myths and the legends of all ages, fromUlysses in ancient Greece to Dorothy in Kansas, Campbell noticedthis interesting trend: in each myth there is a hero, and althoughthe face of the hero may change from story to story, the plotremains nearly identical. In his book The Hero with a ThousandFaces, Campbell highlights the progression of the hero’s journey,which, as it turns out, mirrors our own lives’ sojourns. The threestages of each journey include the departure, the initiation, and thereturn. As we take a closer look at each stage, please pause for amoment to ask yourself where you are on your hero’s journey.

● The Departure: The first step in any adventure is to leave yourplace of origin, which, metaphorically speaking, means change.The departure is a “call to adventure,” where you leave your

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place of comfort and venture into the unknown. Whether it’sdeparting on a ship, as Ulysses did, or on a spacecraft like LukeSkywalker did (George Lucas was a student of Campbell’s),every hero must leave home to find himself or herself. In Camp-bell’s words, “The call to adventure signifies that destiny hassummoned the hero and transferred his spiritual center of grav-ity from within the pale of this society to a zone unknown.” Thedeparture stage is also called severance or separation, becausein some stories, the reluctant hero may be unwillingly forcedinto a situation. Campbell cites Adam and Eve’s exit from Edenas the epitome of a reluctant departure. There are many, manymore. If we step outside of the classic myth tale into ordinarylife, departure may begin with the first year in college awayfrom home, the death of a parent, the loss of a job, or the endof a marriage. Some people begin their departure simply bydriving to work each day. Departures can occur in a great manyways, and fear is never far behind. With the first step out thedoor, across the threshold, the journey has begun.

● The Initiation(s): Traveling down the road far away from home,crossing many thresholds, the hero is always put to the test.Campbell calls this stage “the road of trials.” For some people,the trial may be a dragon (a metaphor for fear); for others, itmay be a symbolic river to cross (the River Styx). And for yetothers, it may be an evil witch, a wicked stepmother, a daringrescue, or the betrayal of a close friend. In the legend of KingArthur, initially, it was the apprenticeship with Merlin and thenthe infidelity of his closest friend, Lancelot. Dorothy had theWicked Witch of the West to contend with, and Frodo Bagginshad the ring. In truth, all initiations are personifications that mirror the hero’s ego, which he or she must ultimately overcome.

In your life, initiation can manifest in a thousand ways,including a debilitating injury, the boss from hell, or an abusivealcoholic parent. Some people refer to this life chapter as a riteof passage. Others call it “baptism by fire.” In every mytholo-gical story, the hero must demonstrate strength, courage,patience, and willpower, to overcome adversity and do it grace-fully. Nobody likes a cocky hero. If we fail with the first test,another will appear, until we are strong enough to conquer it

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and move on. Rest assured, there are many, many tests. Camp-bell also noted that on every journey there is spiritual assistance,for although each journey is a solitary venture, we are neveralone. Frodo had Gandolf, Dorothy had the Good Witch of theNorth, and we have an undeniable connection to the divinesource of the universe, one that is always present.

● The Return Home: At some point in the journey, usually uponthe success of the initiation process, the hero must return home(even if home is nothing more than a sense of inner peace orhomeostasis). Frodo Baggins made it back home. So didDorothy and the fish Nemo. Even Jesus made it home. Uponcrossing the threshold of return, the hero shares the wealth ofwisdom and riches acquired on the road. Symbolically, thereturn home may be accompanied by a trophy of sorts: magicalrunes, the Golden Fleece, or the medusa’s head, all of whichconvey a pure heart. Campbell points out that there may be areluctance to want to go home, either because of feelings ofshame or, more likely, lust for additional conquests. But returnwe must, to complete the story. The stage of returning home isalso called incorporation, where the returning hero is acceptedby his family and peers as an equal, and everyone benefits fromsharing his wisdom. Thus the hero becomes a master of twoworlds: the one he conquered and the one he has returned to. Thereturn phase offers a promise that all ends well. In the course ofone’s life, there are many journeys and many trips back home.

Campbell was of the opinion that the power of storytelling,whether around a campfire under the stars or in an epic story onthe silver screen, is to remind us that we are participating in ourown hero’s journey. In all of these stories, the hero successfullyovercomes adversity. With arms stretched overhead in the now-familiar Rocky pose, we become the victors, not the victims, of ourcircumstance. What do Lucy Ricardo, Pinocchio, Maria VonTrapp, Lance Armstrong, and you have in common? According tothe template of the hero’s journey, a lot. And Campbell had a bitof advice to his fellow travelers. In what has become his mostfamous quote, Campbell encouraged everyone to “follow yourbliss” (a similar expression is “follow the Tao”), suggesting that if

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your heart and mind are aligned, the journey is truly headed in theright direction.

More Than Fictional HeroesAs I wove Joseph Campbell’s insights into the presentation to theseteens, students eagerly called out examples of each stage of theHero’s Journey: from Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz to Luke Skywalker in Star Wars. They quickly grasped the concepts ofeach stage. To emphasize my point, I added a new name to the list:a real-life hero. As fate would have it, while driving to school thatday, I heard on the news of a young man named Aron Ralston, whohad gone hiking in Utah several days earlier, only to get his righthand and forearm pinned under a huge boulder—a tumultuous ini-tiation, of sorts. For days, unable to move, he contemplated hisordeal. When it came down to it, he had only one choice. In orderto save his own life, he did the unthinkable and amputated his armwith a pocketknife. The road of trials continued as he rappelledsixty feet down the rock face with one arm, to successfully makehis way home. That was the day he became a hero. In an interviewwith the Rocky Mountain News, Aron said that his will to live wasstronger than his will to die. Willpower, an undeniable innerresource, is a muscle of the soul.

E X E R C I S EYour Hero’s Journey

Briefly reflect on your own personal journey and where you are atthis time in your life. With life being complex as it is, it may seemlike you are on many journeys, all at the same time, but integratethese together and take a moment to describe the details of thestage where you now see yourself.

Stage one: The Departure_______________________________________________________

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Stage two: The Road of Trials_______________________________________________________

Stage three: The Return Home_______________________________________________________

The Power of MythBefore his death in 1988, Campbell grew increasingly concernedthat many people were losing contact with these sacred storiesand the wisdom they contained. There was a time when mythswere passed down from parent to child and generation to genera-tion, not merely for entertainment purposes but as ageless wisdomto guide the child on his or her life journey, serving as a wake-upcall to the human spirit. Stories from the Bible, the Bhagavad Gita,and other sacred scriptures, as well as scores of legends, fables, fairytales, and folklore, all serve the same purpose: to remind us that wehave what it takes to gracefully overcome adversity and make itback home in one piece.

According to Campbell, the tradition of gleaning wisdom fromthese stories is slowly vanishing in the American culture. With theexception of classics like the Lord of the Rings trilogy, it certainly hasbecome diluted in Hollywood’s shock-and-awe approach to enter-tainment. In his discussion of The Power of Myth, Campbell relatedour state of increasing spiritual hunger to our lack of connectionto mythological stories. As he explained, when a society forgoes thepower of myth and instead replaces it with information, technology,or perhaps nothing, that society becomes less civilized and moredestructive. In a few, simple words: perpetually stressed.

Knowing the power of myth, Campbell had an optimistic outlookon the journey of humanity, because he knew the end of the story.“We are at this moment participating in one of the very greatestleaps of the human spirit—to a knowledge not only of outsidenature, but also our own deep inward mystery—the greatest leapever,” he said.

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Whether we know it or not, we have all embarked on the Hero’sJourney: a spiritual quest in human form in an attempt to reach ourhighest potential. Like stories, fables, myths, and fairy tales toldover the centuries, the message of this book serves to gently nudgeyou from your slumber, helping you get back on the road andeventually home again—in one peace.

The Rules for Being a HeroAs I finished my presentation and made my way out of the auditorium, an eighth-grader approached me.

“My parents are going through a messy divorce, so I can relate to all of this pretty well. I thought you might like this,” he said, handing me a piece of paper. “It’s called the Rules for Being Human,but after listening to you today, it could just as easily be called theRules for Being a Hero. Thanks for coming today. You put every-thing in perspective.” I opened the folded paper and read the following:

TEN RULES FOR BEING HUMAN

1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but itwill be yours for the entire period this time around.

2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-timeinformal school called life. Each day of this school, youwill have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may likethe lessons or think them irrelevant and stupid.

3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a processof trial and error and experimentation. The failed exper-iments are as much a part of the process as are the exper-iments that ultimately work.

4. A lesson is repeated until it’s learned. A lesson will pres-ent itself to you in various forms until you have learned.When you have mastered the lesson, then you can go onto the next lesson.

5. Learning lessons does not end. There is no part of lifethat does not contain lessons. If you are alive, there arelessons to be learned.

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6. “There” is no better place than “Here.” When your“There” has become “Here,” you will simply obtainanother “There” that will again look better than“Here.”

7. Others are simply a mirror of yourself. You cannot loveor hate something about another person unless itreflects something you love or hate about yourself.

8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have allthe tools and the resources you need. What you do withthem is up to you. The choice is yours.

9. Your answers lie inside of you. The answers to all of life’squestions lie inside of you. All you need do is look, lis-ten, and trust.

10. You will forget all of this.

—Chérie Carter-Scott

A Time to RememberAt the same moment that I smelled an aroma of burning sage andcedar, a loud clap of thunder filled my ears. I was about to introduceMichael, a revered Lakota elder, to the conference participantswho had assembled to study the art and science of complementarymedicine. Michael looked at me and smiled. We both knew thepower of offering cedar to cleanse and balance, and we also knewthe healing power of thunder. In the time-honored tradition ofseeking the sacred wisdom to be shared, on behalf of the entiregroup I presented to Michael a pouch of tobacco, which he gra-ciously accepted. As I extended my hand in gratitude, I thought ofJoseph Campbell, who had embarked on his journey to exploremythology through a similar encounter with a native elder whenhe was a teenager.

Michael began his eloquent talk with a mythical story of creation, about the spider spirit who weaved a world of creationaround the planet earth. Then he spoke of the four directions, thefour colors, the four totem animals, and the symbolic meaning that

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wove all of these aspects together. Once again, the power of mythwas resurrected.

“We tell these stories so that we don’t forget who we are or whywe are here, so we don’t forget our sacredness. All life is sacred,”he said. “Unfortunately, there are many who have forgotten, eventhose from my own tribe. I come to honor the sacred hoop andshare this wisdom because now is a time for all planetary citizensto remember who we are and why we are here.” His commentswere punctuated by loud claps of thunder. “The spirits are speaking,”he said. “Their voice is a clarion call to remember.”

Of course, sometimes we do forget or, worse, fail to listen to thewords that keep us on course. This is known as “falling asleep onthe spiritual path.” Drifting off course may initially seem a bit liberating, but as the winds of change pick up, the emotional baro-metric pressure begins to increase to a point where feeling lostovercomes feelings of self-reliance, and hope begins to turn todespair. As the clouds move in, a bleak moment attempts to lureus into the dark night of the soul. This, too, is part of the Hero’sJourney.

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37

2

Under Pressure

Giving up is the final solution

to a temporary problem.

— G E R TA W E I S S M A N K L E I N

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Checking my voice mail after a trip to Asheville, North Carolina, I retrieved a message from a college buddy. “Hey,

friend,” it began. “I have some bad news. I hate to leave this onyour voice mail, but seeing as how you will be gone for a few days,I feel compelled to tell you this. Roger [a mutual friend] has diedof an apparent suicide. Call me as soon as you can.” Within a fewdays, the details crystallized to a more clear picture of Roger’sdemise. Deluged with personal debt and unable to secure a stableprofessional foothold, Roger decided that the best solution was totake his own life. Upon arriving back home, I discovered an e-mailfrom my deceased friend, sent days before he checked out. As itturned out, neither I nor anyone else was able to open the attachedfile, so I never knew what words he tried to share with me beforehe took his own life. I can only imagine the pain he must have beengoing through to commit this act of self-destruction.

It’s sad to say, but Roger did not hold a monopoly on this kindof pain. Current statistics suggest that as much as one-third of theAmerican population is on antidepressants. Alcoholism, drugaddiction, self-mutilation, and suicide are just some of the morepopular ways that people cope with their stress today. Throughthese tactics, people merely avoid the problems at hand, ratherthan work to resolve them. For stress to be dealt with effectively,no matter how much pressure is bearing down on us, avoidance israrely a viable option. In the short term, avoidance might seem likethe right thing to do, but in the long term, it causes us to get emo-tionally stuck. Seeing no immediate way out, we may want tothrow in the towel and call it quits, leaving the Hero’s Journey

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unfulfilled. Gerta Weissman Klein thinks otherwise. Gerta is aNazi concentration camp survivor who shared her story as part ofthe living testimonies in the Holocaust museum in Washington,D.C. After describing her terrible ordeal and her escape, she endedher story of triumph with these heroic words of advice, “Giving upis the final solution to a temporary problem.”

Nothing New Under the Sun?If you listen closely to people’s conversations, you might noticehow they tend to be stuck: not processing every aspect of a givensituation to make sense of it, but rehashing thoughts and feelings,which, in turn, only validates their stress. This becomes a real-lifeversion of the movie Groundhog Day, which starred Bill Murray—where every day is a repeat of the last one. As often happens in thiscase, people are either glued to a past event because of some levelof resentment or are frozen in the future because of their fear ofsomething that might happen. Like a recurring dream, these frus-trations and fears tend to dominate not only our conversations, but,as Daniel Goleman suggested in his acclaimed book EmotionalIntelligence, they literally hijack and stifle our positive thoughts aswell. The Tao cannot move freely through a fear-based heart.

In what is often called the Universal Law of Attraction, a criticalmass of negativity forms, and like a magnet, our mental focusbegins to attract more things to complain about. As a result, we getcaught in a whirlpool of negativity, from which it is very difficultto escape. While it’s true that analyzing our thoughts about past oreven future events can be useful, repeating the same old mental tapesis a complete waste of time and energy. Common sense dictates thatwe need to learn all there is from the situation and then move on.Common sense, however, is not that common, particularly whenpessimism takes hold. If we stay stuck in this mind frame of negativity, the consequences are rather staggering, specifically withregard to how thoughts and feelings ultimately affect our physicalhealth. Sometimes all that is needed is a new perspective. In thewords of Marcel Proust, “The real act of discovery is not in findingnew lands, but in seeing with new eyes.” Attitude, once again, is thepaintbrush with which we color our world.

U N D E R P R E S S U R E 39

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Years ago, I was given a book written by Leo Buscaglia calledLiving, Loving and Learning. As many authors do, Buscagliarecounted several childhood memories. One of his most vivid mem-ories, and hence one of mine from the book, was his description offamily dinner conversations. Every night, his father asked the kidswhat new experience they had to share, what one new thing they’dlearned that day, what they had seen through new eyes. Buscagliaadmits that coming up short, he often excused himself to fetch theencyclopedia and pull out some item of interest. He then returnedto the table and shared his mental fortune. Over time, what hereally learned from his father’s perpetual question was to sharpenhis sense of perspective, curiosity, and risk taking. Moreover, helearned to seek life’s passion in the present moment.

Being moved by that story, I often ask friends, colleagues, andstudents the same question. Mostly, I am met with blank stares.Sometimes I get football scores, stock market tallies, and weatherupdates. Rarely do I get anything that remotely resembles curiosityor adventure. When I pose the same question to kids, however, Igratefully take a seat for at least ten minutes while I get an earful.Children have a knack for living in the present moment. They canfind a whole planet in a blade of grass and an entire universe in aforest. As a rule, adults have a hard time living in the presentmoment. Saddled with responsibilities, they tend to be preoccupiedwith the past (guilt) or the future (worry). Having a quiet mind anda fearless heart means rising above the confines of past frustrationsand future worries to live in the present moment. Is this really possible? Sure! As the author Tom Robbins once said, “It’s never toolate to have a happy childhood!” There really are new things underthe sun; we’ve just got to take risks and go out and explore them.Here is the Taoist translation: being stuck is a choice of perception.

Uncomfortably NumbLong ago, I heard a story about how Indians train elephants inAsia. When the elephant is very young, the owner ties a very thickrope around its leg and attaches the rope to a strong, tall pole. Asstrong as the elephant is, the rope is always stronger. After countlessattempts, it resigns itself to the confines of the rope. As the

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elephant matures, a thinner rope is employed. At the elephant’s fullmaturity, the smallest rope is used. At this point, the elephant issurely strong enough to break the flimsy rope. But because of itsconditioning, the elephant assumes that the rope is always strongerthan it is and never tries to escape. Sadly, this conditioning processis not unique to elephants. There is an important lesson here: weare often prisoners of our own mental conditioning.

As infants, we are given protective boundaries by our parents,and for good reason. Then, as children, we employ countlessmeans to exercise our freedoms, but our efforts are often caughtin the net of limitations we impose on ourselves. Furthermore, asadults we perpetuate our childhood insecurities (e.g., I cannotdraw), thus limiting our true potential. Just like the adult elephant,we resign ourselves to the length and the strength of the rope.Ironically, with maturity the limitations are miniscule, but, like theelephant, we are fooled into thinking otherwise. The good newsis that a conditioned mind can be reprogrammed.

With regard to being caught in the undertow of life’s problems,some questions come to mind. The first is, “Why are you stuck?”or “What is holding you down?” The second is, “How do you getunstuck?” Since the rest of this book is dedicated to gettingunstuck, let’s examine why some people choose to stay stuck. A colleague of mine with a practice in internal medicine shared thissoliloquy, which sheds significant light on the issue:

“You know, there are people who come see me who don’t want tobe healed. They actually enjoy their illness. Oh, they would neveradmit that. In fact, these people would most likely deny it. But if youwere to unlock the door to their unconscious minds, you would findout that their illness gives them some level of recognition, a strangekind of notoriety. Perhaps its even control over a spouse or a child.This baffles the hell out of me and my colleagues, because our job isto cure them, yet they interfere with the healing process. Somepatients may say that they want to be healed and go through all themotions and the efforts to reach the elusive golden ring of health, butsomewhere along the way, they sabotage themselves. The desire notto be healed is far greater than the wish to be cured, and this secretdesire wins out every time. In essence, their identity is wrapped up inthe disease. Boy, is the ego a powerful sucker!”

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His comment reminded me of my favorite lightbulb joke: Howmany psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb? Answer:one, but the lightbulb really has to want to change! Whether it’san illness, a dying relationship, or a bad day at the office, the sameexplanation applies. Unless the mind is totally committed tochange, the wheels of limitations just keep spinning in place.

Breaking the Spell of LimitationsI once attended a presentation by a renowned healer who offeredadvice on how to get on with our lives, should we find ourselves“stuck.” When it came time for questions, a woman in the audiencestood up and shared a touching story of great personal loss andanguish. The audience was quite moved, but the speaker wasn’t.She merely said in a loud voice, “Get over it!” The audience wasstunned. Some people laughed nervously, while others whisperedtheir displeasure. Without missing a beat, the speaker continuedwith her presentation.

What initially may have seemed like harsh words was, in effect,more of an incantation: a means to break the spell of misery andgrief. Reflecting on the episode, I realized that in the tradition ofmyths, fables, and fairy tales, the hero often has a spell cast on him(typically, by some witch). It usually takes a magical feat by the heroto break the spell. Remember, it’s not the hero’s role to stay stuckin a situation for long because there is a task to accomplish, followed by a homecoming. Fairy tales aside, given the power ofthe mind, the idea of spells is rather intriguing. Once again, as thesaying goes, if your mind got you into this mess, use your mind toget you out of it. The message is that if we can place a spell overourselves, then, likewise, we have the power to break it. If we cannot break it ourselves, then we can call for divine assistance, as the founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, Bill W., discovered, bycalling on his Higher Power.

Mind Over Matter Every TimeConsider this. The average person has over forty thousandthoughts roaming through his or her mind on any given day, perhaps

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even more. As impressive as that might sound, there’s a catch.About 80 percent of these thoughts are repeats from the previousday, week, month, or even year. Here is another catch. Most ofthese repeated thoughts are perceptions, attitudes, beliefs, andopinions about our personal day-to-day situations or interactionswith other people, and the majority of these thoughts are stress-related—unresolved issues of either anger or fear. Like a summerfull of reruns on television, our mind is practically frozen on theremote control button of the Recurring Thoughts & Feelingschannel. This is anything but A&E!

Here is a new thought, so please read this carefully. Scientistswho study human thinking processes—particularly, intentions suchas prayer and various forms of healing—are coming to the conclusion that our thoughts and feelings are actually a form ofvibrant energy. Stated simply, consciousness is a vital and powerfulform of energy. The mind isn’t merely a consequence of neuro-peptides being released from brain cells, as some people havehypothesized. Rather, the mind is a limitless bank of consciousenergy, which uses the brain as its primary organ of choice. Withmost thoughts being repeats from a previous page in the book ofour lives, it appears that for the most part, the average person’senergy is poorly spent on taking one step forward and two stepsback, thus causing the individual to lose ground on the Hero’sJourney. Given the possibility that our thoughts and feelings areindeed a form of energy, the question begs to be asked, “How andwhere do you choose to spend your energy?” If we spent a littlemore time observing our thoughts, we’d realize pretty quickly thatwe throw away a lot of good energy. Perhaps this behavior patternis best described as “mind under matter.”

Bernie Siegel, M.D., who is best known for his book Love, Medicine and Miracles, has studied the attitudes, the perceptions,and the feelings of cancer patients for years. He noticed a trendwith terminal cancer patients who seem to turn things around andlive for years, even when the best medical experts advised them thatthey had only weeks or months left. So, what’s their secret? Itappears that the patients who reversed their bouts with terminalcancer had a shift in attitude. Instead of feeling helpless, theygrabbed the bull by the horns, tamed the beast, and took it for a

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joyride. Once again, it’s a simple case of the ageless wisdom: mindover matter. In what has now become one of Siegel’s more popularquotes, he states, “Thoughts are energy, they can kill or heal.”While the disease of cancer is more complex than we currentlyunderstand, Siegel’s wisdom certainly goes beyond the four wallsof the local hospital into all aspects of our lives. Harnessing thepower of our thoughts and feelings is germane to our careers, ourfamilies, our friends, and everything we do. In the broadest sense,thoughts and feelings are energy; they can move us forward on thejourney or make us stall indefinitely. The good news is that we arefree to choose our own thoughts.

I once had a student who turned in a journal summary projectwith the title “Best Friend.” In the paper, she said that by observingher thoughts over the entire semester, she noticed a behavior pattern that stopped her in her tracks. She saw herself sabotage herown best efforts regarding her relationships, her career, and herfamily with a cynical attitude, sarcastic comments, and negative,self-defeating thoughts. She had learned that she was her own worstenemy. After this epiphany, she gradually turned her thoughts andattitudes around, by using optimism and acceptance. In doing so,she became her own “best friend” and has remained so ever since.She closed her journal summary with some sage advice: “I learnedthat if you find that your life’s not flowing, then stop stepping onthe hose.”

Ego This!When Freud coined the term ego, he placed a big X on the map ofthe mind, giving credence to a topic of discussion that dated backto antiquity: the issues of identity, control, and manipulation. If youneed a quick refresher course on Freud’s concepts, he suggestedthat the ego’s main purpose is to avoid pain and promote pleasure.The ego, in the role of mind’s censor, has quite a few control cards(he used the term defense mechanisms) to draw upon in its bag oftricks—everything from rationalization and projection to sublima-tion and sarcasm. So, in every situation where we find ourselvesstuck, let there be no doubt that the ego is behind the scenes,

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doing what it does best: casting spells to manipulate our thoughtsand perceptions to keep things under control and inhibit personalgrowth. Unless the ego relinquishes control, the spell won’t be broken and “getting over it” won’t happen easily.

I have a close friend who works every day to keep moving andnot get stuck in an emotional tar pit. By any measure, he’s quite a success, but his secret for inner peace comes from a Tibetanproverb that states, “Once you have conquered the enemy within, noexternal force can harm you.” Jon has added a mantra that helps himwith this goal: “Keep in mind, I’m from New Jersey, so I might haveto translate, but every day I tell myself not to be an asshole.” Taoisttranslation: Jon is working on taming his ego, and he’s doing a greatjob with it. Every day, Jon conquers the enemy within.

A Lesson from Jane GoodallOne of the best definitions of emotional health I’ve ever comeacross goes like this: emotional well-being is the ability to feel andexpress the entire range of human emotions (from anger to love)and to control them, not be controlled by them. Anger is an emotion; so is fear. Despite all that you’ve heard or read, these arenot bad emotions. First and foremost, they are survival emotions.Anger elicits an urge to fight; fear manifests as flight. Together,they constitute a part of the spectrum of consciousness that isemployed to avoid physical danger. In terms of physical survival,anger and fear and all the many feelings they generate are meantto last only seconds, perhaps minutes—long enough to get out ofharm’s way and then move on with our lives. In terms of physicalsurvival, neither anger nor fear is a negative emotion. In fact, theyare considered healthy emotions. However, they can certainlybecome negative if they persist longer than the time that’s necessaryfor us to return to safety or if they are employed for nonphysicalthreats.

In her inspiring book Reason for Hope, the primatologist JaneGoodall describes her many adventures in the jungles of Tanzania,studying chimpanzees. Goodall explained that nearly a whole year had passed before she ever saw the chimpanzees display signs

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of anger. At first, she thought that perhaps this was one speciesthat truly had no aggression. Upon closer observation, though, she discovered that chimps do indeed have tempers. But unliketheir human counterparts, the expressions of anger are barelynoticeable. The reason she easily overlooked this behavior wasbecause the episodes of anger were extremely short—one, maybetwo seconds—and whatever the problem, it was over. Moreover,Goodall observed that immediately after the brief altercation, thechimps went back to hugging and grooming. Regardless of whereyou stand on the evolution/creation argument, of this you can besure: when it comes to resolving anger issues, it appears thatchimps are more evolved than we are. Humans are known to har-bor feelings of anger for weeks, months, years, and even decades.The question begs to be asked, “Which is the more evolvedspecies?”

Safety in the twenty-first century is far different than it wasthousands of years ago. Terrorists notwithstanding, today’s safetyissues are strongly tied to financial stability, intimate relationships,career objectives, and work-life balance, with traces of anger, fear,or both running rampant through each issue. Thoughts and feelingsthat, millennia ago, focused on present-moment issues are nowheavily filtered through the lens of the ego, serving past memoriesand future worries as well, thus contributing to prolonged periodsof stress. Unresolved issues of anger and fear help no one. More-over, research is conclusive that unresolved anger and fear suppressthe integrity and the function of the immune system. As we nowirrefutably know, the body becomes the battlefield for the wargames of the mind.

Although several types of roadblocks occur on the path of life,as a rule, they typically fall into one of two categories: issues ofanger (fight) and issues of fear (flight). Both of these emotions,when left unresolved, are deeply rooted in the seat of the ego.Recall the dynamics of the stress (fight-or-flight) response. Thestress response is a preparation for motion: to either defend yourterritory or run like hell. Some people suggest that the flightresponse also includes the act of hiding. Hiding for any prolongedperiod of time is another way of getting stuck.

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E X E R C I S EIdentifying Your Stressors

Here is a quick exercise to check your personal challenges and takeinventory of your life journey right now. This is similar to takinginventory of your stock portfolio and, these days, perhaps just asunsettling. Grab a pen and a piece of paper, and make a list of yourtop five stressors. As you review your current state of affairs, askyourself what issues, problems, or concerns you are facing. If youhave less than five, consider yourself lucky; if more than five, just listthe first five that come to mind. Write these down, and describe themin a few words. When you finish this list, identify the primary stressemotion (anger or fear) associated with the stressors, and estimatehow long each problem has loomed on your personal horizon.

ANGER/STRESSOR DESCRIPTION FEAR DURATION

1. __________ ___________ ___________ ___________

2. __________ ___________ ___________ ___________

3. __________ ___________ ___________ ___________

4. __________ ___________ ___________ ___________

5. __________ ___________ ___________ ___________

The Gilded Cage Is RustingSam won’t admit that he’s hiding. Instead, he might say that he isjust biding his time. But fear is what’s behind the biding. Sam hasworked for his company for fifteen years. In five more years, he’llbe able to retire. The problem is, he’s bored out of his mind atwork, and five years seems like an eternity. The position he’s created for himself has become a gilded cage. He has scouted outdifferent job possibilities, but if he were to take any of them, he’dalso take a cut in pay—basically, half of what he’s making now—plus a huge reduction in vacation time and other benefits. As themain breadwinner in his family, he would have to sell his house if

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he took a cut in pay. And there would be other lifestyle incon-veniences. So, he says that he feels like he’s between a rock and ahard place: if he stays, he’s miserable; if he goes, he’s miserable. So,he figures that he’ll stay and stick it out five more years. Stick isthe present tense of stuck.

J O U R N A L I N G E X E R C I S EUnwritten Letters

The following journaling exercise is a vehicle to help you get unstuck and back on the road again. Note: this journal theme, above all others, has been cited as people’s favorite themeto help them get unstuck and start to heal their unresolved feelings.

Many times, we want to say something to someone we love,like, or just know well. For one reason or another, whether it beanger, procrastination, or not finding the right words at the righttime, we part ways. As a result, those special feelings never seemto be resolved. One of my college students had a former boyfriendwho took his own life. He specifically mentioned this student inthe note he left behind and his words haunted her for whatseemed like an eternity. After counseling, she decided to writehim a letter expressing her anger, sorrow, loneliness, and love.Her letter initiated the resolution process and her path towardinner peace.

Resolution through letter writing has been the theme of agreat many books, plays, and movies. In a made-for-televisionmovie, Message to My Daughter, a young mother with a newbornbaby discovers that she has terminal cancer. As part of her reso-lution process, she records personal messages to her daughter on several cassette tapes. Many father–son relationships also fall intothis category, where men feel that their sons might never get toknow them in their own lifetimes. It is a common theme found in movies, plays, and books because, as the expression goes, “Art imitates life.”

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Perhaps because of recent advances in technology, from the cellular phone to the microchip, Americans are writing fewer personal letters. Sociologists worry that future generations willlook back at this time period, the high-tech age, and never reallyknow what individuals were actually feeling and thinking, becausethere will be so few written records. Moreover, psychologistsagree that many patients today are troubled and unable to artic-ulate their thoughts and feelings, which results in unresolvedstress.

This journal entry revolves around the theme of resolution.When you take pen in hand, it allows your mind to carefullyprocess not only the words but also the feelings aroused by unresolved issues associated with the person to whom the letter iswritten. Following are some suggestions that might inspire you todraft a letter to someone whom you have been meaning to writeto. Now is your chance.

● Compose a letter to someone you were close to who has passedaway or perhaps someone with whom you have lost contact fora long period of time. Tell that person what you have been upto, perhaps any major changes in your life, or changes that youforesee in the months ahead. If there are unresolved feelingstoward this person, try to express your thoughts and feelings inappropriately crafted words so that you can resolve them andcome to a lasting sense of peace.

● Write a letter to yourself. Project yourself to a point in time adecade from now. What advice would you give yourself, withthe wisdom you have gained from these years?

● If you have a son or a daughter, what would you like to sharewith your child now, in the event that for some reason, you donot have the opportunity to do so later? What would you likeyour child to really know about you? For example, perhaps youwould share things about yourself that you wish you knewabout your parents or grandparents, which are now missingpieces of your life.

● Write a letter to anyone you wish for whatever reason.

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E X E R C I S EThe Seven Veils Meditation

The following meditation has become a favorite among workshopparticipants, for helping them to move through barriers that seemto keep them immobilized. If you feel stuck in a particular situa-tion or with a specific person, read through this meditation and,afterward, see whether things begin to loosen up enough to allowyou to get moving with your life again. As with any exercise, morethan one exposure may be necessary for you to experience the fulleffect. It may also help to have a friend read it to you.

IntroductionThe greatest obstruction on the human highway is our own fear andanger. Fear and anger manifest in human thought and behavior ina great many ways. It has been said that both fear and anger are projections of the ego. In its finest measure, the ego is thebodyguard for the soul; at its worst, it is the greatest impedimenttoward spiritual growth. Fear and anger are nothing more than illu-sions. They are exaggerations that the ego uses to move into aposition of control. In the Eastern culture, it is said that once theseveils of illusion are removed, we are in the presence of the divine.

The following meditation is a soul-searching exercise to liftthese veils of illusion and return to the source of unconditionallove. Assuming that there are seven veils, use this meditation exercise to change any of your lingering perceptions of discon-nection to one of complete harmonious union with the divine,however you conceive this to be. (Please note that you may needto do this meditation several times to feel its full effects, as someveils may be too heavy to lift with the first attempt. Also, if you’dlike to use a different metaphor, such as a door or a window, feelfree to do so.)

Sit quietly in a comfortable position, with your spine in com-plete alignment. Close your eyes, and focus your complete atten-tion on your breathing. Take several slow, deep breaths, and cometo a place of calm stillness. As you sit, become aware that in frontof you are several veils, layers of consciousness that you wish to

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slowly pull back, for what lies beyond these veils is a view of unpar-alleled beauty and profound wisdom. This beauty, this wisdombeckons you, but first the veils, one at a time, must be drawn.

The First Veil: FearThe first veil to dissolve is the veil of fear—fear of the unknown,fear of failure, fear of rejection, and, perhaps most common, fearof death. Fear manifests in a great many ways. Take a moment tosearch your mind to identify which elements of fear obscure yourvision. Ask yourself, “Which aspects of my life fall prey to fear?”Identify one specific fear that surfaces to your conscious mind.Slowly, bring yourself face-to-face with it. In this place of comfort,ask yourself, “Why am I afraid?” Take a deep breath and relax. Asyou do this, let this thought and the feeling of fear escape as youexhale. In place of the fear, feel a sense of courage. Then see theveil of fear as translucent until it completely disappears, either dissolving into thin air, parting in two, lowering to the ground, orevaporating like fog. To encourage this process, once more take adeep breath and repeat the phrase “I am at peace with my fear, Inow release my fear and bring love to my heart once more.”

The Second Veil: The Wall of AngerAnger manifests in a great many ways, from impatience to rage andhostility. Guilt, envy, jealousy, and indignation are also aspects ofanger. Search your mind to identify which aspect of anger presentlyobscures your vision. Which aspects of your life fall prey to anger?Identify one current episode of anger. Slowly, bring yourself face-to-face with it. In this place of comfort, ask yourself, “Why am Iangry? What expectation wasn’t met?” Take a deep breath andrelax. As you do this, let this thought and the feeling of angerescape as you exhale. In place of the anger, feel a sense of forgive-ness residing there now. Then see the veil of anger as translucentuntil it completely disappears, either dissolving into thin air, part-ing in two, lowering to the ground, or evaporating like fog. Toencourage this process, take a deep breath and repeat the phrase“I am at peace with my anger, I now release my anger and bringlove into my heart once more.”

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The Third Veil: The Roadblock of GreedGreed initially arises out of need, but the ego, expressing insecu-rity, senses that there never really is enough. As such, the feelingof greed feeds upon itself to keep searching and acquiring more—more possessions, more accolades, more anything, to provide asense of security. In truth, we are the source of our security. Noamount of possessions, money, or compliments will ever fill thevoid of insecurity. Search your mind to identify which aspect ofgreed presently obscures your vision. Which aspects of your life fallprey to greed? Identify one current episode of greed in your life,no matter how big or small. Bring yourself face-to-face with it. Inthis place of comfort, ask yourself what it is in you that feels theneed to acquire security through external sources. Take a deepbreath and relax, letting this thought and feeling escape as youexhale. Instead of greed, feel a sense of security and stability. Thensee the veil of greed as translucent until it completely disappears,either dissolving into thin air, parting in two, lowering to theground, or evaporating like fog. To encourage this process, take adeep breath and repeat the phrase “I am at peace with my sense ofgreed. As the source of my security, I now release any feelings ofgreed and bring love into my heart once more.”

The Fourth Veil: The Obstruction of LazinessLaziness is a stoppage in the flow of the lifeforce of spiritual energy.While it may be nice to stop on the spiritual path and take in theview (this is actually encouraged), a pause that refreshes is notmeant to be a twenty-year nap. Inertia builds upon itself, makingit harder to start moving again, should the rest be too long. Lazi-ness appears most commonly in the face of addictions, for whatbegins as an attraction soon becomes a distraction. Some peoplesay that by our very nature, human beings are addictive; however,this needn’t be the case. We must walk the spiritual journey in the balance of freedom and discipline. So often, we forget the latter.Search your mind to identify any aspects of laziness, from lowmotivation to the shadow of an addiction. Which aspect of lazinesspresently obscures your vision? Which aspects of your life fallprey to inertia? Identify one current episode of laziness or lack of

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discipline in your life. Bring yourself face-to-face with it. In thisplace of comfort, ask yourself what it is in you that has allowed thisinertia to persist. Take a deep breath and relax, letting this thoughtand feeling escape as you exhale. In the place of laziness, feel asense of passion and inspiration. Then see the veil of laziness astranslucent until it completely disappears, either dissolving intothin air, parting in two, lowering to the ground, or evaporating likefog. To encourage this process, take a deep breath and repeat thephrase “I am at peace with my sense of laziness, yet I vow to keepthe life force of energy moving. I now release any feelings of lazi-ness and bring love into my heart once more.”

The Fifth Veil: The Curtain of DesireDesire is a tether that encumbers dreams and wishes, never lettingthem get off the ground. Desire is the hand that holds the arrowof intention, yet refuses to let go as the string of the bow is pulled, for fear of losing control. Desire begins as a feather butquickly becomes a rock, pulling even the strongest inspirationdown. The opposite of desire is detachment, letting go. The Bud-dha said that of the four noble truths, desire was the cause of greatest suffering. Take a moment to search your mind to inquirewhere desire resides. Is there a spark of desire with attachment thatpresently obscures your vision? Which aspects of your life, yourrelationships, your values, or your purpose in life reside in theshadow of desire? Identify one personal goal that is tethered to thechain of desire. Bring yourself face-to-face with it. In this place of comfort, ask yourself what it is in you that allows this desire tokeep your dream in bondage. Take a deep breath and relax, lettingthis thought and feeling escape as you exhale. In the place of desire,feel a sense of faith that all will turn out as it should in the divinegame plan. Then see the veil of desire as translucent until it completely disappears, either dissolving into thin air, parting in two, lowering to the ground, or evaporating like fog. To en-courage this process, take a deep breath and repeat the phrase “Iam at peace with my desire, and in recognition, I release my desires with my wishes and dreams and bring love into my heartonce more.”

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The Sixth Veil: The Mask of Pride Mistake not happiness for pride, nor jubilation in the glory of oneof life’s many fine moments. Pride is the insatiable ego dominatingthe limelight of the soul’s present moment. Pride is approval seek-ing, an addiction all to itself. Pride is self-love turned sour. Prideis a consuming need for adoration; if some is good, more is alwaysbetter. Pride is not self-esteem or worthiness. Pride is conceit, onits way toward arrogance. Take a moment to search your mind toidentify any aspects of pride that obscure your vision. Whichaspects of your life fall prey to pride? Identify one current episodeof pride in your life. Bring yourself face-to-face with it. In this placeof comfort, ask yourself what it is in you that has allowed modestyand humbleness to take a back seat to praise. Take a deep breathand relax, letting this thought and feeling escape as you exhale. Inthe place of pride, feel a sense of godliness that seeks no praise. Thensee the veil of pride as translucent until it completely disappears,either dissolving into thin air, parting in two, lowering to theground, or evaporating like fog. To encourage this process, take adeep breath and repeat the phrase “I am at peace with my sense ofpride, yet I vow to turn the passion of pride into humbleness, toserve rather than be served. I now release any feelings of pride andbring love into my heart once more.”

The Seventh Veil: Conditional LoveConditional love, the thinnest of the seven veils, is often mistakenfor unconditional love, which is why it is the last of the seven veilsto dissolve. Let there be no mistake, the ego desires love. But in aneffort for reciprocation, the ego places restrictions and limitationson love. Ifs and whens are the loopholes for love’s retraction. Theego places restrictions on the expectations of love as a protection,in the event the goods aren’t delivered. So we hold love in reserve,just in case. And like cut flowers, love soon wilts because the sourceof sustenance is missing. So common are acts of conditional lovethat they often go unnoticed. Some people say that humans areincapable of the feat of unconditional love. Yet any mother can tellyou how possible unconditional love is. Love isn’t ours to give, somuch as it is ours to share. We are conduits for divine love, when

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our hearts are open at this time. Search your heart to identify anyconditions you place on the love you share with others, such as onyour love for family, friends, pets, and even strangers. What conditions of love presently obscure your vision of the vista thatlies beyond this last veil? Which aspects of your life fall prey toconditional love? Identify one current episode of conditional love.Bring yourself face-to-face with it. In this place of comfort, askyourself what it is in you that has allowed these conditions to persist. Take a deep breath and relax, letting this thought and feelingescape as you exhale. In the place of control, feel a sense of compassion. Then see the veil of conditional love as translucentuntil it completely disappears, either dissolving into thin air, partingin two, lowering to the ground, or evaporating like fog. To encouragethis process, take a deep breath and repeat the phrase “I am atpeace with my sense of conditional love, yet I now vow to share mylove unconditionally, freely. I now release any feelings of controland bring unconditional love into my heart once more.”

Now open your eyes and observe what you see with each personyou meet today.

The Pause That Refreshes:Breaking Free and Moving On

Sean is a mechanical engineer for a high-tech medical firm in SanFrancisco. For the last year, he has been unhappy with his job—specifically with the lack of company loyalty, integrity, and employeeappreciation. He had been toying with the idea of quitting for thelast six months. That’s what it looked like from a distance. Aninside look revealed that he was mapping out a strategy to start hisown consulting company, with everything from business cards andletterhead stationary to a dedicated fax line, contract forms, and aWeb page. In addition, during that six-month period, hebankrolled a sizable amount of each paycheck to ensure a smoothfinancial transition. Like a sailor reading the winds, Sean cut loosefrom the mother ship and hoisted his sails for new horizons. Wheneverything was in place, he declared independence and resignedfrom the company. His boss was surprised, as were many of his fellow colleagues, but inside, Sean was beaming.

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Meredith is another person who’s beaming. About a year ago,she lost her husband to cancer. He had just retired, and they’dplanned to spend the next several years traveling around the world.All of those plans and others evaporated with the news of his pancreatic cancer. The shock of losing her husband was devastating.I remember her telling me that “Nothing anyone can do can prepare you for the loneliness of losing a spouse.”

I first met Meredith at a social function in town about threemonths after the funeral. As might be expected, it was no exagger-ation to say that she was visibly struck with grief. After the event,Meredith approached me near the coatrack and asked for someadvice. I told her that grieving was not only normal but healthy. Yetfor every memory that came to mind, I suggested that she make aplan to do something new and different until a new routine hadbeen established.

As normal and healthy as grieving is, prolonged grieving canbe unhealthy and is perhaps the epitome of being stuck. At somelevel, Meredith discovered this. I happened to pull up to a gas station recently, and across the island, Meredith was filling hertank. I walked over to her and immediately noticed a sparkle inher eyes that I had never seen before. We exchanged hugs andsmiles, and she told me what she had been doing the last severalmonths.

“I was in Ireland last April. Boy, was it incredible!” she said. Before I could ask any questions, I got a jubilant five-minute

travelogue of the Emerald Isle. “What’s next?” I inquired.“Oh,” she said, “I’m glad you asked. I am flying to New York City

in September. I have always wanted to go and see some museums andtake in a few Broadway shows.” She got into her car and rolleddown the window. “I’ll send you a postcard,” she said, drivingaway. Sure enough, two months later, I received a postcard of theStatue of Liberty, a symbol of her newfound freedom.

There is a huge difference between being stuck and doing nothing about it versus pausing to survey the situation before youmake your next move. Taking time to collect your thoughts, weighyour options, and devise a strategy is not the same thing as beingstuck, although anyone will tell you that taking time out to catch

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your breath can seem momentarily overwhelming. The pause thatrefreshes is actually several breaths, each one symbolically repre-senting a series of options and backup plans that will ensure yourmomentum up the next hill before you can begin coasting once again.

What’s So Bad about Feeling Good?In the early 1970s, when Hollywood first began to make movies fortelevision, I discovered a show called What’s So Bad about FeelingGood?, and it has since become one of my favorites. It starredRobert Morse and Mary Tyler Moore as two hippies living in NewYork City. The story begins with a sailor in South America whosmuggles a toucan aboard his ship, headed for the States. Unbeknownst to the sailor, the toucan is carrying a highly contagiousvirus. Unlike the West Nile virus, this unique microbe makes people euphorically happy. By the time the ship gets to New YorkCity, the entire crew is floating on cloud nine.

As the ship docks, the bird gets loose and eventually lands on thewindowsill of Morse and Moore’s pad. Infected immediately, thetwo leave behind their hedonistic lifestyle and begin what can bestbe described as a fairy tale. Soon, the whole city is infected. Crimedisappears; drug, alcohol, and tobacco use becomes nonexistent; andNew York City, as well as other cities, starts to look like nirvana—that is, until the government steps in. Apparently, when the alcoholand tobacco use evaporated, so did the tax base, which worried theelected officials. So, an immunization was created and secretly putinto the gasoline, which, via multitudes of combustible car engines,mixed with the city’s air pollution, and within days, everything wasback to normal. Well, almost normal. As it turns out, some people,like Mary Tyler Moore’s character, never caught the virus in the firstplace. It seems that she was already happy, but, being caught up inall the problems of city life, she forgot it. The toucan simplyreminded her of what she already knew. It awakened her soul.

The reason I liked the movie so much is because of its subtlemessage. Optimism is a trait that we all have; it just tends to becomedormant if we get stuck in the negativity of each day’s issues. Ironic-ally, it seems that there is a virus going around the country today,but unlike the toucan’s virus, this one is a highly communicable,

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fear-based virus. It spreads through rudeness, sarcasm, impatience,negative conversations, catastrophic news headlines, and any othermeans it can use to proliferate. But like the character whom MaryTyler Moore played, we don’t have to be passive victims to thisvirus. We can make a conscious choice to become unstuck and startmoving. What’s so bad about feeling good? What’s so bad aboutfeeling balanced? Absolutely nothing!

Out of a Rut, into a GrooveWhat’s the difference between a rut and a groove? An engineermight say the depth of the hole you find yourself in, but in the context of the Hero’s Journey, the real answer is your attitude. Asthe saying goes, “Attitude is everything!”

You feel a sense of liberation when you’re free from the rut ofdespair and perhaps feel even more freedom when you’re in theflow of life. Attitude is the first step to get you out of the rut andinto the groove. What is the winning attitude to make this happen?Any thought, feeling, or perception that unlocks you from thebondage of fear or anger (and all of the many ways that either ofthese emotions can manifest). A winning attitude is not a feelingof competition. It is a sense of self-reliance and empowerment.

A Final Story about Moving OnOne day while listening to National Public Radio, I heard an inter-view with the screenwriter and director Allison Anders. Her movieThings Behind the Sun was about to air on a cable network, and shespoke about various aspects of the movie’s theme and production.In the course of the interview, Allison was asked about an episodeearly in her life, in which she had been raped, and how it hadaffected the rest of her life. She commented that it certainly wasone of several key life moments, but when the radio host persisted, Allison said this: “This event was about one hour of mylife. It’s not my whole life.” Like Gerta Weissman Klein, Allisonhas learned how to cross the threshold of roadblocks and continuegracefully on her hero’s journey.

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• • •The Taoist path through stress and spirituality has many thresh-olds for us to cross. More than a series of tests to build character,they are attempts to polish the rough edges of our soul. In essence,each threshold, disguised as a stressor, is a lesson in consciousnessthat will help the human spirit to evolve. The recognition of thissymbiotic relationship between stress and spirituality is the Taoisthallmark of the Hero’s Journey.

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PA R T I I

Crossing theThreshold

Stress and spirituality are inseparable partners on theHero’s Journey, for wherever there is stress, there is alwaysdivine guidance—when we take the time to listen. As aChinese proverb reminds us, “When the pupil is ready, theteacher will come.” The hero with a thousand faces, asCampbell called our spiritual essence, is also equipped witha thousand inner resources to help us cross the threshold ofthe unknown and deal with whatever challenges lie ahead.Crossing the threshold successfully is the transition fromdespair to hope, from fear to courage, and from doubt tofaith. This part highlights the ageless wisdom that des-cribes the dance between stress and human spirituality andcontains stories of several everyday heroes who havelearned to use these inner resources (muscles of the soul)to meet each and every challenge successfully. By example,they lead us further on our own journey with a quiet mindand a fearless heart.

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3

Stand Like Mountain,Move Like Water

God, grant me the serenity to accept

the things I cannot change,

the courage to change the things I can, and

the wisdom to know the difference.

— R E I N H O L D N I E B U H R

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So common is the concept of balance that we tend to take it forgranted. Yet so powerful are the intricacies of balance that

when we are reminded, it often takes our breath away. Such is thepower of opposites, which, when united, form a whole. This is thesubtle yet powerful message of the Tao, the union of oppositesleading to wholeness through balance and harmony—lessons thatare quite easily observed in nature. The seeds of Taoist philosophywere first planted in the Chinese culture, but like all truths foundin the depths of ageless wisdom, its message is both timeless anduniversal. Even the book of Psalms in the Bible is loaded withpearls of Taoist wisdom.

Carl Jung once said that the philosophies of the East and theWest were so vastly different that he assumed the two would nevermeet eye to eye, nor would the culture of one adopt the signaturesof the other. So I wonder what he would think today, if he sawcountless Americans having their houses feng shui’ed or saw howcommonly the yin/yang symbol appears on clothing and tattooedbodies. I myself was surprised when a military student walked intoclass one night wearing combat fatigues. On the top of his leftshoulder was the now-familiar half-black, half-white Taoist circle.When I asked him whether he knew what the symbol represented,he answered as if everyone knew this—opposites that cometogether to bring wholeness, balance, and harmony. There is acommon joke in Washington, D.C., about military intelligencebeing an oxymoron, but, clearly, this was no joke. Maybe because

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S TA N D L I K E M O U N TA I N, M OV E L I K E WAT E R 65

the concepts of balance and harmony are so universal, Jungwouldn’t have been that surprised, after all—but I was.

Of Mountains and WaterIn the fall of 1981, I was assigned to teach my first stress-managementcourse at the University of Maryland. My predecessor had taughtonly “sound Western approaches,” proven by Western science. Heencouraged me to do the same. At a time when saying the word echinacea would garner a response of “Gesundheit,” I felt that I wasrather novel in teaching a holistic approach in what can best bedescribed, at the time, as a very conservative discipline. Within myfirst week of teaching this course, a student who looked no older thanseventeen walked up to me and said quite confidently, “You know,everything you have mentioned about stress management I havealready heard before.” Realizing that college kids can be hip andknowing how young he was, it occurred to me that he just might belying. But I gave him the benefit of the doubt and inquired where hehad come upon this wealth of knowledge. “In my tai chi class,” heanswered. In the back of my mind I could see Jung smiling.

“We just learned a proverb that I thought you might be interestedin,” he said. “It goes like this, ‘Stand like mountain, move likewater.’” He then smiled at me, said he enjoyed the course, shookmy hand, and headed out the door. Upon first hearing this phrase,I have to admit that it resonated deep within me, and it has becomea personal mantra ever since. Once again, I was reminded of thepower of opposites and the message of balance. These six wordscontain a lot of power. To “stand like mountain” means to standstrong and tall in the midst of change. It means to be secure in yourbeing and stable in your environment. Conversely, to “move likewater” means to go with the flow with things you cannot control.It also speaks to the nature of taking the path of least resistance,rather than trying to budge an immovable object or change some-one else’s behavior. The metaphors of mountains and water haveuniversal appeal. Thomas Jefferson once said, “In matters of style,swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock.”

Balance is an inherent part of our constitution. Whether in ourfirst attempts to walk upright or ride a bike or in our regular efforts

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to balance our checkbooks, it is the human condition—mind, body,spirit, and emotions—to continually strive for balance. Since firsthearing this proverb, I have learned that almost every culture hasa similar expression that speaks to the nature of living one’s life inbalance. The American version is a little longer than the Chineseaxiom, but the message is the same, and Reinhold Neibuhr’s“Serenity Prayer,” a preamble to many twelve-step programs, is thebest stress-management advice I’ve heard summed up in twenty-seven words: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and thewisdom to know the difference.”

Stress and Spirituality Anyone who has experienced a lot of stress lately will most likelytell you that his or her life is definitely out of balance. These samepeople, if asked, might say that stress and human spirituality don’tbelong in the same sentence, because these concepts are mutuallyexclusive. At a quick glance, stress and spirituality may seem likepolar opposites of the human experience, but with the perspective ofbalance, like the yin/yang symbol, they are nothing less than partnersin the dance of life, with each half taking a turn leading the dance.

In the first chapter, I highlighted several definitions of stress;however, the best definition I have come across in recent yearsstates that stress “is a perceived disconnection from our divinesource.” Although the stress emotions, anger and fear, can be anasset in times of physical danger, they quickly become a liabilitywhen left unresolved for weeks, months, years—even decades. Insimple terms, unresolved issues of fear and anger literally choke thelife force of the human spirit. If they persist too long, they willultimately wreak havoc on our bodies because there is no separationbetween body and spirit. You don’t have to be the Pope, the DalaiLama, or an Amazonian shaman to realize that every infraction ofthe moral code of humanity, whether it’s lying, stealing, or murder,is based on unresolved issues of anger and fear.

In the Eastern culture, unresolved issues of fear and anger areoften described as the “veils of illusion.” In artwork, they are symbolically represented as clouds because they obscure our vision,

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our clear perspective. The result is a feeling of separation from ourdivine source, rather than a strong connection to it. Nothing couldbe further from the truth—we are never abandoned, separated, ordisconnected from our divine source. There are no degrees of separation from God, although misperceptions give strength to theseveils, adding layers and layers, to the point where, metaphoricallyspeaking, darkness overcomes light. Perhaps it’s no coincidencethat this is typically how people describe states of depression,which is often called anger turned inward or, as the comedianSteven Wright says, “anger without the enthusiasm.”

Our view of life can become rather myopic, a fact that has notgone unnoticed among optometrists. Studies show that the morestressed a person becomes, the greater the loss of peripheral vision.The phenomenon is known as “Streff syndrome,” named for Dr. John Streff, who first observed the relationship between emotional stress and eyestrain. The implications of myopia gowell beyond the practical to the metaphorical aspects of “vision.”Perhaps the poet Maya Angelou said it best when she wrote, “Ibelieve that Spirit is one and everywhere present. That it neverleaves me. That in my ignorance I may withdraw from it, but I canrealize its presence the instant I return to my senses. . . . I cannotseparate what I conceive as spirit from my concept of God.”

A Spiritual Hunger?A disease is spreading across the country that has the potential tobecome a worldwide epidemic. The disease is called “affluenza,”and the overriding symptom is a desire to buy and consume allkinds of goods and products, which in turn gives a sense of temporary contentment. Like an addiction, each purchase is a “fix”to soothe an insatiable desire for pleasure. The thrill doesn’t lastvery long. So the next purchase is made to satisfy the thresholdonce again, and this cycle simply repeats itself. Collectively, thisbehavior may be great for the economy, but the result is a disasterfor the human soul, because no amount of external goods can provide or sustain a sense of inner peace. The irony is that eventhough almost everyone knows this, we keep on shopping anyway,hoping that something will ultimately fill the spiritual void.

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It is interesting to note that some people, known as the “culturalcreatives,” not only shop for material goods, they also shop aroundfor ideologies to help govern their lives. People are no longer satis-fied with answers derived from conventional wisdom to variousissues in their lives. In an age of the Genome Project, cloning,planetary travel, and molecular microchips, humankind is taking onresponsibilities that were once thought the domain of God, and theold wine skins cannot contain the new wine. As a result, people feela deep-seated hunger to know more than the existing paradigmscan possibly tell them. The term that describes this search for truthis spiritual hunger: the drive that answers the call to adventure. Whenstress is thrown into the equation, the hunger pangs become morenoticeable, and thus the search intensifies. As such, people areseeking wisdom from sources that were inconceivable a generationor two ago, most notably from the Eastern philosophies such asBuddhism and Taoism. The Internet has certainly speeded up theprocess. Moreover, as the pressure of stress increases, so do thepangs of spiritual hunger.

In times of crises, people of every generation and every culturehave been known to seek help from a divine source. In the past,they took spiritual refuge in their religious traditions. Althoughmany still do, today many more seem disenchanted with standardreligious practices, either for moral reasons or because these don’tseem to provide answers to the problems looming on humanity’shorizon. An article titled “Choosing My Religion” cites: “In 1958,for example, only 1 in 25 Americans had left the religious denomi-nation of their upbringing. Today, more than one in three have leftor switched. Most still believe in God, but now they are lookingfor a personal spiritual practice. According to a recent survey fromthe McArthur Foundation, seven out of ten Americans say they arereligious and consider spirituality to be an important part of theirlives. But about half attend religious services less than once amonth or never.”

In what is being called by some the postdenominational age,many people feel only a distant loyalty to their particular religiousupbringing. Instead, they are seeking a host of sacred traditions,blending various practices to form their own spiritual paths. Thereare Catholics who practice Buddhist meditation, Jews who

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participate in Native American sweat lodges, and Methodists and Mormons who participate in Sufi dancing. Even hell has gotten amakeover, as the biblical conception of the most dreaded place inthe universe moves from a literal to a figurative interpretation.Once it was described as eternal flames of death, but the Vaticannow describes hell as being much like stress: “a state of those whofreely and definitively separate themselves from God.” Many people who claim to have already been to hell (on earth, that is),as well as those who have come close, are seeking a better under-standing of God on a more intimate level.

Waking from a Spiritual SlumberOnce again, the expression used today is spiritual hunger, a termthat describes a searching or a longing for truth that cannot beattained solely through one traditional religious practice. Anotherterm used in conjunction with spiritual hunger is spiritual bankruptcy,a concept that suggests a sense of moral decay, perhaps due to an emptiness that cannot be filled with an abundance of materialpossessions, yet a strong element of human nature (the ego)encourages us to try anyway. We need only reflect on the 1999shootings at Columbine High School in Colorado or other eventslike it to see that something is terribly amiss.

On the evening of December 31, 1999, Reverend Billy Grahamwas interviewed during the televised millennium celebration.Unlike others, Graham expressed words of caution: “I am afraid thatpeople are losing their faith in God and replacing it with a faith intechnology that will solve all our problems. They are being led downthe wrong path. There must be a change in the human heart.” Thechange Graham referred to is typically called a spiritual awakening(or remembering): moving from a motivation of fear to love, froman anxious heart to a fearless heart.

A third phrase commonly heard today is spiritual dormancy. Itrefers to people who, for one reason or another, choose not to recognize the importance of the spiritual dimension of health andwell-being, at both an individual and a societal level. The result ofsuch inaction often leads to a state of dysfunction (a term many nowcall our national adjective). Like a person who hits the snooze

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button on the alarm clock, falling asleep on the spiritual path canhave real consequences, because, unaware, the individual is ill-equipped to deal with the problems at hand, as well as withpotential problems down the road.

The Three Pillars of Human SpiritualityIf you were to talk to the shamans, the healers, the sages, the mystics, and the wisdom keepers of all times and all languagesthroughout the history of humanity and ask them what aspectsconstitute the core of human spirituality, you would hear themunequivocally say the same three things, time and time again: relationships, values, and purpose in life—all of which lead one toa higher consciousness of the divine. Even with the understandingthat human spirituality is extremely difficult to articulate (some sayimpossible), the unique alchemy of relationships (how we relate toourselves and others), values (what we deem important in ourlives), and purpose in life (why we are here in a mystical divinegame plan) is understood to be at the heart of spirituality.

E X E R C I S EThe Spiritual Roots of Stress

Try taking this simple test. Make a current list of your top ten stressors: ten issues, concerns, problems, or dilemmas that youcurrently face. If you have forty-nine, please limit them to your topten. If you have less than ten, consider yourself lucky and writedown whatever comes to mind.

YOUR TOP TEN STRESSORS

1. _____________________ 6. _____________________

2. _____________________ 7. _____________________

3. _____________________ 8. _____________________

4. _____________________ 9. _____________________

5. _____________________ 10. _____________________

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Once your list is complete, place a checkmark by all the itemsthat involve people or relationships. Next, place a checkmark nextto each stressor that involves values or a values conflict, such as time,money, leisure, education, or privacy. Finally, place a checkmarknext to any and all items that relate to a meaningful purpose in life(career, family, etc.). Now look once again at your list of stressors.If you are like most people, you will find that not only is everythingchecked off your list, some items may be checked off more thanonce. Stress and human spirituality are not mutually exclusive.They are inextricably linked. Ageless wisdom suggests that stress isan opportunity for spiritual growth, when we set aside the anxiety,the grief, and the frustrations that cloud our vision and learn fromthe situation at hand.

Spirits on a Human PathDuring the many classes and workshops I’ve taught on stress management, people often ask me why, if they have followed all therules, have they encountered such terrible circumstances? Inessence, they are asking the perennial question “Why do bad thingshappen to good people?” When catastrophic things do happen,most people feel as if they are being punished, which leads us backto the idea of divine abandonment. The best answer I have heardto this question is from the renowned theologian and mystic Teil-hard de Chardin, who once said, “We are not humans having a spir-itual experience. Instead, we are spirits having a human experience.”The Jungian analyst and author Jean Shinoda Bolen put it anotherway: “We are not humans on a spiritual path. Rather, we are spir-its on a human path.” These words strike a resonating chord in thesoul of each individual who hears them because they bear the truth.Every time I share these words with an audience, I see reaffirmingnods, which suggest to me that like the Ten Rules for BeingHuman, this is a nugget of innate wisdom that we tend to forget.

From the wisdom of Joseph Campbell and others, we learnthat the divine source scattered itself like a multitude of seeds tothe directions of the four winds in an adventure called the “humanexperience.” In this urge to explore humanity from the inside outcame the promise that all the scattered seeds would return home

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at some point, to share the multitude of life experiences: the good,the bad, and the ugly, and the meaning each one holds. This is whatCampbell described as the quintessential human journey. It wasCampbell who reminded us that only brave souls (heroes) walk thehuman path, because earthly existence is enshrouded in many veilsof illusion. It is a brave soul on a noble adventure who attempts tolift these veils. In doing so, courageous souls are no strangers to stresson the Hero’s Journey. Stress, we are reminded, thickens the plot.

True to the nature of the Tao, human spirituality reflects notonly the dynamic peak experiences in life’s expedition but the valleysas well. Human spirituality is as subtle as it is dynamic and as joyousas it is painful. Given the chance, moments of strife, conflict, boredom, and tension will offer unique spiritual nuggets of wisdom.In the midst of stress, though, the lessons offered may seem muddledin fear. Yet when viewed from the perspective of hindsight, the focusof soul consciousness is remarkably clear. With any sense of honesty,we will say to ourselves, “Oh, that’s why that happened.” More oftenthan not, each stressor that appears like a thick cloud overhead turnsout to have a magnificent silver lining—if we take the time to look.This, too, is the promise of the Tao: opposites are contained in thewhole when we take the time to look for them.

If you see yourself as a human being on a spiritual path andsomething goes terribly wrong, you may feel as if you have beenbetrayed or abandoned by the divine force with which you arealigned. But if you recognize that you are indeed a spirit on ahuman path, then every situation that you encounter will be alearning experience. This is how consciousness evolves. Every lessonis based on the principles of love, in all its many manifestations.

Learning from experience is a choice that not everyone is willingto make because of the responsibility that goes with each lesson—it takes a significant conscious effort to ensure that each of ouractions comes from a place of love, rather than of fear, when wecross each threshold of the journey. How long is the human journey,you ask? Ultimately, our destination cannot be measured in milesor years, nor can our success be measured in material wealth,though many have tried. Some say that it cannot be measured at all. I once heard a wisdom keeper say that the spiritual path is measured to be about twelve to fourteen inches—the distance

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from your head to your heart. The evolution of the soul (our spiritual growth) is gauged entirely by our capacity to love andreceive love.

The Path and the JourneySeveral years ago I took a trip to Switzerland with the intention ofclimbing the Matterhorn, one of the world’s most dynamic moun-tains—a rugged peak that stands alone, majestic and proud. Thetown of Zermatt is itself a picturesque storybook town with narrowcobblestone streets and Tudor architecture: the quintessentialSwiss Alpine village. When I arrived, I half expected to see Heidirunning through the nearest meadow to greet me.

During my first night in town, I learned that the Matterhorngoes by several names, for it sits on the border of both Switzerlandand Italy. The Italians call it Mounte Cervino, and if you say thiswith the right accent, it sounds kind of sexy. The French, beingmore dignified, refer to it as Mont Cervin. I am told that for severalyears, the British called it the Citadel. One mountain, four names.A powerful message.

Although not considered a difficult technical climb, the Matter-horn is renowned for being enshrouded in thunderclouds, whichmakes climbing extremely dangerous. The north face of the Matterhorn, which looks down on the village of Zermatt, Switzerland,has four distinct routes to the top and perhaps just as many on theItalian side. The morning I set out to reach the summit, the sky wasa deep blue. Clouds were nowhere in sight. I made it three-quartersof the way up, before I was forced back down by bad weather. AsI descended, I pondered the symbolism of the mountain’s manynames and the equal number of paths to the top. Like themetaphor it represented, the message was equally profound. (As aside note, I returned to the base to learn that the Matterhorn hadbeen designated as an international peace park!)

One Destination, Many PathsAsk any alpine hiker on a trek what his or her destination is, andthe answer is nearly the same: the summit of some mountain.

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Reaching the top is not merely a challenge; the height of a summitoffers a vast, breathtaking view of the surroundings. Perhaps thisexplains the popularity of climbing Mt. Everest. Likewise, thedrive that inspires the human journey is a desire to have this viewof life—a clearer understanding of life’s mystery and our role orpurpose in it.

If our life’s journey can be compared to a metaphorical expedi-tion, then realizing our divine connection is analogous to reachingthe mountain summit. In the words of Martin Luther King, “I havebeen to the mountain.” To stand on a mountain peak with yourarms stretched overhead in the familiar “Rocky pose” epitomizesthe expression “I have touched the face of God.” Ask any hikerabout the best route up a mountain, and he or she will tell you thatthere is no one best path. Rather, several paths are available toreach the peak, each offering a different experience. If you were toask any sage, mystic, or healer—someone who truly speaks fromthe heart—which is the best path to the divine source, this individual would smile and tell you that there is no one path, onlythe path that is best for you, according to where you are at thistime. Carlos Castaneda became renowned the world over for hisbook The Teachings of Don Juan, which explored the further reachesof human spirituality. In it, he wrote, “Look at every path closelyand deliberately. Try it as many times as you feel is necessary.Then ask yourself and yourself alone, one question. Does this path have a heart? If it does, it is good; if it doesn’t, then it is of no use.”

The path of human experience would be mighty crowded ifeveryone embarked at the same time. Therefore, it stands to reason that not only are there numerous paths, but we each moveat a pace that’s conducive for our own soul growth process. Like a college curriculum, no two paths are quite the same. Furthermore,if you glance around the spiritual landscape, you might notice thatmore often than not, it appears rather empty. Many times, thestressors we face make us feel isolated, forgotten, and lost. The goodnews is that as lonely as we may feel, it is impossible for us to get loston the spiritual path, and we are never alone. The biggest problemis being immobilized by our own fears and frustrations.

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As you focus on issues of the heart and the soul, your path willfrequently align with, intersect, and parallel other trails over thecourse of your life. Although these words seem to contradict religiousdogma, wisdom keepers agree that it matters not which path youtake—Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Mother Earth Spirituality, oranother—but only that you keep moving forward (growing) on thepath you have chosen. Choosing to rest on the sidelines indefinitelyis perhaps the greatest sin known to humanity (sin is derived fromthe word inertia), and this course of action serves no one. In addition,for a path to enhance the maturation or the evolution of your spiritual well-being, there are some recommended caveats. First,the spiritual path must be creative, not destructive. Next, it mustbe progressive, not regressive. It must stimulate and enhance, notstifle, the human spirit. Finally, true to the nature of any expedition,it is important for us to pack lightly, which means a minimum ofemotional baggage. Remember, unlike a mountain trek in theHimalayas, there are no Sherpas on the Hero’s Journey. As Frododiscovered in the Lord of the Rings, we each have to carry our ownburden. Traveling light is great advice, but too often we becomeburdened by the additional weight of our thoughts and emotions,many of which no longer serve us.

If following a spiritual path were like coasting downhill, it mightbe fun at first, but sooner or later, it would be less than challenging.The spiritual path is anything but easy. Every journey will have itsmoments, and the spiritual quest is no different. You will be sure toencounter stressful moments because stress provides the resistanceto strengthen the soul for what lies ahead. Gail Brook Burket oncedescribed it this way.

I do not ask to walk smooth pathsNor bear an easy load.I pray for strength and fortitudeTo climb the rock strewn road.Give me such courage and I can scaleThe headiest peaks alone,And transform every stumbling blockInto a stepping stone.

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Profiles of SpiritualityNewspapers, magazines, and books are often filled with stories ofremarkable human achievements, nothing less than grace underpressure. If they are well written, they portray the triumph of thehuman spirit, even if the protagonist’s physical health is severelycompromised. Take, for example, Marc Wellman, a man who becamea paraplegic due to a climbing accident in 1982. Casting aside thislimitation, he made it his goal to climb El Capitan Mountain inYosemite National Park. In 1989 he did just that before a televisedaudience. Undaunted by the challenge, in 1991 Wellman climbedanother of Yosemite’s peaks, Half Dome.

A similar, but no less remarkable, story of grace under pressureis that of the former model Gari Carter. While driving on a countryroad one snowy afternoon in Virginia, Gari was hit head-on by acar whose driver lost control. Upon impact, her car spun in circles,then smashed into a side rail. Gari crashed through the windshield,and metal and glass destroyed her face. Medics were astonished tosee that she was still alive. Completely immobilized and grosslymarred, she was told that the damage to her facial structure wasnearly irreparable. Gari was determined to come back strong, andthat she did. I met Gari at a conference in Florida, where sheexplained that with incredible willpower and fortitude, she incorp-orated prayer, meditation, and a host of healing practices into herlife, which have allowed her to return to normal.

One day while waiting to have my car serviced, I scanned a copyof People magazine and came across a story of a little girl who hadsurvived a terrible fire. Her entire body had been engulfed inflames, with every inch brutally burned. She was horribly disfigured,so much so that she didn’t even look human but resembled aninsect or an alien. Yet if you glanced into her eyes, all doubt wasremoved. Within her eyes was a light, a sparkle of energy, an undeniable sense of the divine spirit within.

The Will of the Human SpiritMy father died of cancer in the fall of 1993. I flew to Florida to seehim and stayed by his side for days, holding his hand until he took

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his last breath. As is common with people dying of a terminal illness,he waited until I arrived to explain several last-minute items hewished to have attended to. They seemed rather trivial to me, butto him, they were extremely important. Each day the hospice nursevisited and administered her special care. One day I walked her toher car and asked her point-blank how much longer my dad had tolive. He hadn’t eaten in well over a week and, from what I could tell,had taken no fluids either. Everything in my educational trainingsuggested that a person couldn’t live for more than three dayswithout water, yet here he was going on five.

With a faint smile, she said, “It’s hard to say, exactly. I know thescientists say you cannot go more than a few days without water,but I can tell you I’ve seen more than a few people hang on forweeks without taking anything. They are waiting . . . waiting forthat son or daughter or perhaps a special someone to walk throughthat door, so they can say good-bye before they take their lastbreath. I’ve seen it too many times to know that it’s very real.” Shegave me a hug, then got into her car to drive to the next patient.Before starting the car engine, she rolled down her window andmotioned for me to come closer.

“There is an undeniable strength of the human spirit,” she said.“It defies everything we understand rationally.” With that, shewaved and drove away.

Everyone in this earthly existence is forced to face the trials andthe tribulations of the human journey. Although, on the surface,they look quite different, the lives of a Tibetan monk, an Irishmusician, a Mexican housemaid, a New York stockbroker, a Koreanschoolteacher, and a Peruvian farmer have more in common, interms of human experiences, than the cultural or geographic differences that seem to separate them.

As the world of six billion people transforms from a collectionof several hundred independent nations into a global village engagedin political commerce and economic trade, inundated with environ-mental toxins, and enthralled with digital communication, humanspirituality and the evolution of human consciousness will take ongreater roles as we pool our resources to help solve the problemsthat besiege our planet.

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The Seasons of the SoulIn the course of my talks and lectures over the years on stressmanagement, I often shared timeless insights that I call the “Seasonsof the Soul.” As if I were describing the search for the Holy Grail,the room always became very still and everyone was mesmerizedby the allure of the message. One reason why this concept is socompelling is that we intuitively recognize the alchemy betweenhumanity and divinity; perhaps the knowledge of this is evenencoded in our DNA. Ironically, it’s a message that is easily forgotten in the hustle and bustle of a twenty-first-century life, yetit begs to be heard again and again. Like a road map, this templateof the soul’s growth process gently and gracefully guides us towardthe next stage of our own journey.

What is your favorite season? Spring, when the earth comes tolife? Summer, with its oodles and oodles of sunlight and time toenjoy the outdoors with friends and family? Perhaps it’s autumn,when the air is crisp and clean, or if you happen to reside in Colorado, as I do, you know that for some people who live to skior snowboard, winter rules! We live on a special planet, one of thefew known not only to revolve on its axis but at various times totilt toward or away from the sun on its elliptical path, which givesus four distinct seasons. Like the planet we inhabit, so, too, doesthe human soul have four distinct seasons. The essence of theseseasons is as old as the hills, and it can be found in stories, myths,and legends from all cultures and in every language. It is the mythicHero’s Journey so eloquently described by Joseph Campbell; it isthe fourfold spiritual path outlined by the theologian Matthew Foxin his concept of creation spirituality; it is the template used by theAmerican Indians in the vision quest; and it is the flow of the Tao,recounted by Lao Tzu many millennia ago. By all accounts, it isthe human heart’s yearning for wholeness.

We begin with the centering process (autumn), where we leavethe known of the external world and enter the unknown depths ofthe mind. Next comes the emptying process (winter), a time ofclearing and a cleansing of thoughts and feelings that no longerserve us; this may involve some grieving. As spring follows winter,so the grounding process follows the emptying process, a period

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in which new insights are gained to improve our quality of life. Thefourth season is the connecting process (summer), where we comeback home to share the wisdom we have learned and to celebratethe sacred connectedness of life.

Following is a more detailed look at each season. At the end ofeach section are meditation and journaling exercises to help youintegrate these concepts, enhance your experience, and progress inwhatever season you currently find yourself.

The Centering Process (Autumn)One of the most glorious churches in all of Europe is the ChartresCathedral about fifty miles west of Paris. Among the many featuresthat make this place so sacred is its renowned labyrinth, a self-guided walking meditation that brings you to the heart of yoursoul. So popular is this labyrinth that its pattern has been replicatedin churchyards and gardens all over the world. So profound is theexperience that the memory of it will last a lifetime.

As you walk from the entrance of the circle’s perimeter througha gentle maze of smaller concentric circles to the center, a divinestillness quiets the soul and a transformation takes place to prepareyou, the student, so that the inner teacher will come. The word center actually contains the word enter. With this word, like thepath of the labyrinth, is an implicit invitation to enter the heart. Ifthe spiritual path is truly twelve to fourteen inches, from the headto the heart, then look no further than the centering process to getyou there.

As we embark on our journey of self-exploration, we departfrom a cacophonous external world of noise and distraction andenter into a less-familiar world that begs examination. This simpleexercise becomes a version of the Hero’s Journey all its own—fromthe known to the unknown (and back safely home). Ageless wisdomfrom all cultures reminds us that if we can calm the waters of themind, we will see in the still reflection a depth of knowledge to helpus solve our problems. The centering process is the first step tocalming these waters.

The centering process is analogous to the fall season, where thetilt of the earth’s axis decreases the amount of sunlight in the course

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of the day. As a consequence, people tend to head indoors andspend more time inside. The centering process also invites us tospend more time exploring the mind’s inner landscape. In some circles, this is commonly known as soul-searching. Thus, we gaina sense of spiritual balance that is hard to come by any other way.The centering process underscores the wisdom of many lumin-aries, from Lao Tzu (“Be still and discover your center of peace”)and Paramahansa Yogananda (“Calm the mind that without distortion it may mirror Omnipresence”) to Psalms 46:10 (“Bestill, and know that I am God”).

Sensory Static Defeats a Quiet MindIn the theme of balance, the time we spend with the five senses,searching externally, must be balanced with the time we spendgoing within, where sensory stimulation is first minimized, theneliminated, to reach the stillpoint of consciousness. Getting to thisstillpoint isn’t always easy. As in so many fables and myths wherethe hero is sidetracked, there are many distractions.

Current estimates suggest that the average person is bombardedwith more than three thousand media messages a day. They rangefrom television ads and billboards to World Wide Web bannersand T-shirt logos, all serving one purpose—to get your attentionand secure a safe place in your memory. When you add to this theinformation you take in and process from your job (e.g., staff meetings, proposals, customers, projects, readings, etc.), as well as personal and professional responsibilities and any bit of news onthe radio you might catch while driving to and from work, it is easyto see that a tsunami of information hits the shores of our mindsevery day.

When we are not being bombarded with media messages, thereare ever-increasing numbers of other distractions, ranging fromcell phones and Palm Pilots to e-mail and voice mail. All of thesegadgets have the ability to enhance the quality of life, but they canalso distract us and disrupt our inner peace. Many people’s attach-ment to these toys borders on addiction. Although eye candy (orany other type of sensory distraction) is nice, too much of a goodthing is bad.

Among the many items posted on my office door is a Far Sidecartoon that one of my students gave me—perhaps, with an

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ulterior motive. The cartoon shows a classroom with several students. One young man is waving his hand frantically in the air.The caption says, “Mr. Osborne, may I be excused? My brain isfull.” I think it is fair to say that at the end of each day, we couldall say the same thing—too much information.

For as much as the mind loves to be entertained, it also cravesand needs rest, regular periods of nonstimulation. The mindrequires periods of peace and quiet. Research studies show thatpeople who intentionally deprive themselves of adequate sleepexhibit signs that are similar to psychosis. Even with the recom-mended eight hours of sleep (which most people fail to achieve),to maintain mental stability in the face of the volumes of sensorystimulation we receive each day, we need an additional period ofmental rest to balance the score. In the American culture, we areconstantly encouraged to fine-tune our five senses to collect andprocess a vast array of stimuli. Sometimes we are even rewarded fordoing this. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for turninginward.

The Center of a Quiet MindYou might not think that racquetball and the centering processhave much in common, but Jon, a colleague of mine, does. Jonadmits to having a pretty structured routine in the morning. Hegets up around 5:30 A.M. and walks the dog. Then he comes home,takes a shower, fixes a cup of tea, and meditates for a half hour—sometimes less, sometimes more, but his daily routine is prettymuch the same. “I have found that by centering every morning, Iam a lot calmer throughout the day,” he explained. “I used to dodrugs in the sixties and seventies. This is so much better—andcheaper.

“About the same time I began meditating, I took up the sportof racquetball. I thought it was a good way to get exercise, but italso proved to reduce some stress. What I noticed was that to begood at racquetball, you need to play the center of the court.That’s when it hit me. To be good at life, you need to be centeredas well. So many people are out of balance in their lives becausethey don’t take time to center.” Then Jon added, “In racquetball,you grab the center position to dominate your opponent. In life,you center yourself so you don’t get dominated by the stress

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others place on you—or you place on yourself. No matter how youlook at it, centering is key.”

Centering is the first step in the soul-searching process, inwhich we take inventory of our thoughts, feelings, perceptions, andattitudes. In doing so, we explore the vast landscape of the soul. Itbegins by simply sitting calmly in quiet contemplation. A friend ofmine simply calls it “sitting.”

When compared to the other seasons of the soul, the centeringprocess may seem short in duration. What appears to be a smallstep is actually a mighty big leap in consciousness. The bottom lineis that the real work of the soul cannot begin until this season starts.

Ways to Initiate and Enhance the Centering ProcessFirst, there is no magic formula in practicing the art of centering,but some suggestions will help you get the greatest benefit out ofthe process. Keep in mind that it is best to try a variety of ways andsee which one works best for you. When you find a routine thatfeels good, make it your own by incorporating it into your dailyschedule. Here are some helpful hints to get going.

● Designate a specific spot in your house, apartment, office, orgarden where you can be still for several moments. It is wellknown that by having a designated space, you specifically trainyour mind, body, and spirit for the task at hand.

● Select a specific time each day to engage in the centering process(e.g., 7:00 A.M.). Even if you don’t practice it every day, byacknowledging that time period, you set your mind (like an alarmclock) to the training effect. Early mornings tend to work best.

● Begin small and build up to longer periods. Start by givingyourself about five to ten minutes of quality alone time withoutdistractions—more, if you feel comfortable. For many people,initially, five minutes may seem like an eternity, so start small.If five minutes seems too long, try two or three minutes andbuild up from there.

● Eliminate distractions. Having good centering skills means having good boundaries. This means turning off the television,the radio, the cell phone, and whatever else can disturb thesilence. Good boundaries also means asking others to honor

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them and not to disturb you at this time. Be firm about this, oryou’ll get walked all over.

● Some people find that playing soft instrumental music or burningcandles or incense helps to create an ambiance that’s conduciveto centering. Although the sense of smell and sound are beingused, these peaceful stimuli tend to redirect the mind’s focusinward. In addition, some people find that holding a smallobject like a seashell or a tumble stone in one hand allows themto center better. Try whatever works.

● Focus your attention on the present moment. Centering meansbeing present, not focusing on the past or the future. It’s agiven that the mind will surely wander, and this is okay. Whenyou find yourself free associating, gently bring your attentionback to the present moment by focusing on your breathing.

● Control mental overflow. Having a pad of paper and a pennearby helps you to clear the mind and allows you to come backto important thoughts that bubble up in the course of centeringand beg for attention. Once your distracting thoughts areplaced on paper, you can let them go, knowing that you won’tforget them.

The following is a centering/meditation exercise that will helpyou make the centering process a part of your daily routine.

E X E R C I S EThe Four-Chambered Heart Meditation

Every culture speaks of the heart as a sacred space. Both theanatomical heart and the symbolic heart are intertwined. Longbefore medical science learned of the heart’s anatomy and physiology,the wisdom keepers spoke of a four-chambered heart. When fourparts come together to form a whole, a sacred space is created. Themandala, a circular artwork with four quadrants, is a symbol ofwholeness. Mandalas often depict the four directions; the fouraspects of mind, body, spirit, and emotions; or any four componentsthat unite to create wholeness, in which the whole is always greater

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than the sum of the parts. Your heart, in all its glory, is such a mandala of wholeness.

The first part of this meditation exercise, inspired by theanthropologist Angeles Arrien, invites you to go inward and focuson these four chambers of the symbolic heart: the full heart, theopen heart, the strong heart, and the clear heart, all of which cometogether for wholeness.

But first, to begin, close your eyes, and once again focus on yourbreathing. Place all of your attention, all of your concentration onyour breathing. If, by chance, any random thoughts come into yourmind, very gently allow them to fade away, letting them go as youexhale, and then bring your full attention back to your breathing.

● Feel the air come into your nose or mouth and travel deepdown into your lungs. As you do this, feel your stomach areaextend out, then return as you exhale. As you repeat this cycleof conscious, slow, deep breathing, become aware of howrelaxed your body is with each exhalation.

● Now, take a very slow, deep breath, as comfortably slow and ascomfortably deep as you possibly can.

● Then, follow this breath with one more breath, and this timemake the next breath even slower and even deeper than before.

● Next, place your attention on your heart space: the center ofyour upper chest. Using the power of your imagination, takeone more slow, deep breath and feel the flow of air movethrough your entire body. As you exhale, feel a deep sense ofrelaxation in your heart space. Repeat this three times, makingeach breath comfortably slow and comfortably deep. With theexhalation of the fourth breath, bring to mind an image of a violet circle with four equal parts.

● Then, taking a slow, deep breath, allow the air you breathe tofill your entire heart space. As you exhale, imagine the air leav-ing your heart space (all four quadrants), as if you are inhalingand exhaling through your upper chest, rather than throughyour nose or mouth. As you focus on this symbolic image, filleach chamber with a deep breath until the entire mandala is complete.

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The First Chamber: The Full HeartA full heart is an inspired heart. Inspiration is the force that drivesour destiny. Take a moment to search your soul and ask yourself whatcomes into your life that inspires you? What makes you artistic?What makes your mind clear and focused enough to be inspired?Sometimes, things block the flow of inspiration. These could bethoughts and feelings that take up space in the heart and actuallydiminish the sacred fullness—in essence, they inhibit inspiration.Bring to mind a thought or a feeling that diminishes your heart’sfull potential, and let it go as you exhale.

● In the heart space that you have provided, bring to mind onething that inspires you, and place this thought and feeling inyour heart space as you continue to breathe.

● Then, take several slow, deep breaths and, with each inhalation,allow the heart space to become full of inspiration and creativeenergy.

● On the last exhalation, feel a sense of wonderful fullness andinspiration in your heart space.

The Second Chamber: The Open HeartOnce again, take a slow, deep breath and fill your entire heartspace. Remind yourself that an open heart, like an open mind, is onefilled with acceptance and compassion. It’s no secret that unresolvedanger and fear close the door to an open heart. On your nextbreath, call to mind an issue or a problem that has placed a wedgein your heart space, leaving the heart’s door nearly shut.

● Taking several slow, deep breaths and, with an air of acceptance,allow the heart space to open unconditionally with each inhala-tion. With each exhalation, give yourself permission to allow allthoughts of unresolved anger and fear that take up space in theheart to leave in a symbolic gesture of resolution. As you do this,fill this new space with a clean, deep breath of air to symbolizeyour open heart.

● On the last exhalation, feel a wonderful sense of openness andcompassion in your heart space.

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The Third Chamber: The Strong HeartOnce again, take a slow, deep breath and notice how relaxed yourheart space is on the exhalation. A strong heart is a courageousheart. The word courage comes from two French words that mean“big heart.” Many attributes constitute a strong heart, including astrong sense of confidence.

● Take five slow, deep breaths and reflect on the concept ofcourage and how you can increase the strength of your heart.A strong heart muscle pumps continuously to circulate freshoxygenated blood throughout the body. A strong symbolic heartis one that is filled with confidence to aid you in the resolutionof everyday struggles, as well as of major life issues. A strongheart is fortified with faith and optimism and holds the capacityto endure the greatest challenge.

● Taking several slow, deep breaths, feel with each exhalation thestrength of a strong heart and the endurance to go the distanceof the human journey.

● On the last exhalation, feel a wonderful sense of openness andcourage in your heart space.

The Fourth Chamber: The Clear HeartOnce again, placing all of your attention on your heart space, takea long, slow, deep breath and clearly focus on the integrity of yourheart. A clear heart is a heart unobstructed by negative thoughts.While it may be normal to have negative thoughts, it’s neither normal nor healthy to harbor them. A clear heart is a clean heartthat listens to the deep-seated wisdom of the soul.

● Using the breath as a metaphorical broom, allow your breathand your imagination to sweep clean your heart space with thenext few breath cycles, releasing any mental chatter with eachexhalation and thus giving a clearer focus to your life mission.

● On the last exhalation, feel a sense of clarity and peace in bothyour heart and your mind.

Pause now and take a moment to feel your heart space: full,open, strong, and clear. Sit still and be at peace with the vision you

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hold and the feeling you have created. Know that the power of thefour-chamber heart has really taken hold.

E X E R C I S EA Gift from the Sea (Journal Theme)

Not all centering exercises involve breathing. One of the best waysto center is to write in a journal. Sometimes, just getting somethingdown on paper opens the mind to new thoughts. For some people, a blank piece of paper is all they need to start writing, while others need a little encouragement. For those who find a blanksheet of paper a little intimidating or who need a steppingstone, thefollowing journal theme of self-exploration may help.

Individuals are so very different, yet we all share many commonfeatures, thoughts, even perceptions. Our makeup is so complex,yet similar, from one person to another. We all have qualities that weconsider either strengths or weaknesses, and these vary from personto person. Strengths can be magnified to bolster self-esteem. Weak-nesses, too, can be magnified and can become roadblocks to ourhuman potential. The world is full of metaphors regarding thefacets of our lives. For example, a seashell can be considered ametaphor, a symbol of ourselves.

After an extremely stressful event that changed the life of AnneMorrow Lindbergh and her husband, Charles, Anne took refugeon a secluded Hawaiian beach to find peace of mind and solace in herheart. In her book Gift from the Sea, Lindbergh shared her personalthoughts as she cradled different seashells in her hands andreflected on the images and the symbolism they suggested.

The following thoughts and questions, inspired by Lindbergh’sbook, will help you explore this metaphor. You don’t need aseashell in hand to do this exercise, but often something tangiblecan open up your thoughts. If you happen to have a seashell collection or access to some seashells, select a shell that you areattracted to and use it as a centering device to enhance the self-reflection process.

1. Pick a shell from a collection (if available), and hold it in yourhand for a moment. Close your eyes and really feel it. What

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attracted you to this particular shell? Describe the shell youpicked: its color, shape, texture, and size.

2. Many sea creatures have shells. Some are beautifully colored;some have incredible detail, with ridges, points, and curls. Someshells are quite small, and others are very big. Some are veryfragile, while others seem like the epitome of strength. Like seacreatures, we, too, have shells, though ours are not quite asobvious. What is your shell like? Describe its shape, color, tex-ture, and any other features that you wish to include, featuresthat differentiate it from other shells.

3. Shells serve a purpose for sea creatures. They are a home, aswell as a form of protection, a basis for security. Our shells alsoact as a means of protection. Our shells can offer a form ofstrength and security, but they can also overprotect. Does yourshell overprotect, or is it a growing shell?

4. We all have strengths and weaknesses. Strengths are strongpoints of our personality or attributes that bring us favorableattention. Weaknesses, on the other hand, are what we perceiveas our faults, our insecurities, or our attributes that have negativeconnotations. List your strengths and, beside this list, also writedown your weaknesses. Now take a careful look at this list.Sometimes, strengths can actually be weaknesses, while someweaknesses can be disguised as our strong points. Take, forexample, a person who is well organized. This could be considereda weakness if it spills over into perfectionism. Sometimes, whatwe consider our weaknesses, others see as our strengths, andthese attributes may, in fact, be so. Many times, the perceptionmakes the difference. Now look at your list again. Are any ofyour strengths potential weaknesses or vice versa?

5. Feel free to add any comments, feelings, and even memories tothis journal entry.

From Falling Leaves to Snow FlurriesThe centering process is perhaps the shortest season of the soul.Yet the duration of this season doesn’t negate its importance, as allthe other seasons depend on it. Once you make the time to go

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within, you’ll have some cleaning to do in the winter season, andthen the fun begins.

The Emptying Process (Winter)As the gentle winds of September become the strong gusty gales ofNovember, and more than a hint of afternoon darkness is evident,an old adage reminds us that the trees sacrifice their leaves to allowmore light into the hearts of humanity. The shedding of leaves isa wonderful metaphor for us letting go of things that we no longerneed. This adage also provides a ray of hope in the depths of winter’s darkness. As the cool winds of autumn usher in the harshnessof winter, the human soul is constantly reminded to cleanse itself.In the words of Ecclesiastes, “There is a time for keeping and atime for throwing away.”

This is what the emptying process is all about: letting go ofsomething old so that you can make room for something new. To besure, the emptying process is the hardest of the soul’s four seasonsbecause it requires the most work. As a rule, people do not like tolet go of things, and the ego finds it really hard to relinquish control. For this reason, the emptying process (the winter season)is often called the “winter of discontent.” It is also commonlyknown as the “dark night of the soul.” Of the four seasons of thesoul, this is the one people most often get stuck in. Some peoplecall it “pure hell.” Still others become depressed because it takesgreat strength to let go and move on. But it doesn’t have to be thisway. Winter is only one of four seasons, and every night is followedby a day.

Be in the World but Not Of ItThe concept of emptying is not a new phenomenon, nor are themany ways in which to engage in it. Ancient Chinese, Greeks,Mayans, Christians, and Essenes all adopted the emptying processin their spiritual practices; their methods ranged from fasting andperiods of silence to wilderness retreats. Each physical practicesupports the spiritual essence of cleansing and releasing to makeroom for something new. Ironically, there are times when we areforced to release, let go, and cleanse, even when it seems like we

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are not ready to do so. Examples may include the death of a friend,the loss of a job, or the end of a marriage. At these times, it’simportant to remember this sage advice: “Be in the world but notof it.” Jesus of Nazareth is often given credit for this expression;however, a recent search on the Internet to track the originalsource revealed that so important is this message, nearly everyreligion claims the sage advice as its own. It is the quintessentialmessage of the emptying process.

Have you ever heard of the expression “nature abhors a vacuum”?Anyone who has ever planted a garden knows how true this is. Theother side of this Taoist equation is that nature also abhors gluttony.In an effort to restore spiritual equilibrium, our lives will undoubtedlyinclude many episodes of loss, balanced with wonderful gains.Although it may be hard to see in the midst of change, there is ahigher purpose to letting go. The promise of the universe is thatsomething of equal or greater value will always take its place.

To be in the world but not of it means to experience as manythings as possible but not to get bogged down or attached to troublesthat might impede our human journey. These troubles, which firstslow and eventually deaden the pace, include everything from ouroverinflated egos to the material possessions we covet so much and ahost of perceptions in-between. Traveling light isn’t just good advice;it’s essential wisdom, if we intend to go the full distance on the humanjourney in comfort and take in as many rich experiences as possible.This, by far, is the hardest challenge presented on the Hero’s Journey.

The Womb of CreationThe emptying process is described by many as a dark void of nothingness—something to be avoided at all costs. Nothing couldbe further from the truth. The basic fear that once you go in,you’ll never come out is a fallacy. Yet people often teeter on theprecipice, looking over the edge, and then take a step back, hopingthat maybe, just maybe, there is another way through it. The onlyway through the void is to let go completely and step into it withboth feet. To let go is truly a leap of faith. To see the entire picture,we must remember that creating a space is essential for acquiringnew insights. Empty spaces definitely serve a purpose, as Lao Tzudescribes in the Tao Te Ching:

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Thirty spokes share the center of one wheel;Consider that the hole of the center is essential to

wheel’s function.

Craft a pot from earthen clay;Consider that the space inside provides the pot’s true function.

Cut a hole in the wall to make both window and door;Consider that the space within four walls is essential for living.

Understand that the form and structure is most beneficial;Consider also that the empty space within the form is

most useful.

In terms of our human potential, Deng Ming-Dao, in his book365 Tao, describes it this way, “The concept of the void is centralto many philosophies including the Tao. However, it seems soabstract at times. Here void has a functionary role. The pathwayconnecting the energy centers of the mind is like a long shaftbeginning from the perineum and ending at the top of the head.If not for emptiness, or hollowness of this shaft, the sacred energyof the body could not be conducted.”

Reaching the Stillpoint of ConsciousnessIf you talk to people who make their living by using the right sidesof their brain (the imaginative side), they will tell you that it’s notuncommon to go for stretches of time without inspiration. The“writer’s block” and the “artist’s cramp” are very real indeed. Butthese same people will tell you that the best time to tap into thevein of inspiration and imagination is what some call the “stillpointof consciousness.” It’s what Deepak Chopra and Wayne Dyer callthe gap: a point when the mind’s slate has been wiped clean ofexpectations. The womb of creation is always ripe with possibilities,and it calls to us to step inside and make them happen. To reap thefullest effects of the emptying process, though, we must first surrender the control of the ego.

On the surface, stressors of biblical proportions may seem likespiritual breakdowns. Yet people who have been there will tell you

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that these are more accurately described as spiritual breakthroughs.Our moments of despair and resignation are the soul’s attempt totake the first step into the void. People who have stepped into theabyss will tell you that it is actually quite liberating. Like jumpingout of a plane with a parachute, it’s scary as hell for the first few seconds, and then euphoria sets in. Remember, the dark night ofthe soul is meant to be only a night, not an eternity. There is anunwritten promise that you will emerge stronger and more confi-dent than when you entered. Patrick Overton said it best this way:“When you come to the edge of all the light you have, and musttake a step into the darkness of the unknown, believe that one oftwo things will happen; either there will be something solid for youto stand on, or you will be taught how to fly.”

If you’re still not convinced that the emptying process is a worthydestination, remember this thought: even the darkest night hasbright stars!

Ways to Initiate the Emptying ProcessThere are several ways to engage in the emptying process. Theyrange from traditional practices of fasting, periods of silence, andmeditation, to more contemporary means of cleaning closets, journaling, and solitary walks. The premise of each method is toset a mental attitude of letting go of things that are no longerneeded, to make room for new ideas, intuitive thoughts, orinsights. Just as there is no one best way to engage in the center-ing process, there is also no one best way to initiate the emptyingprocess. Try several techniques, and see which one works best foryou. Following are two meditation exercises to help you in this.

E X E R C I S EThe Hot Air Balloon Meditation

Find a comfortable spot to sit or lie down, and begin by focusingyour attention on your breathing. Take several slow, deep breathsand notice how you feel upon each exhalation. You may wish tomentally repeat the phrase “I am calm and relaxed.” When youbegin to feel completely relaxed, call upon your power of imagi-nation to create an image where you find yourself standing

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comfortably in the basket of a hot air balloon. (You can also use animage of sitting near a river and watching logs float by.) Inside thebasket are four sandbags on each wall. Each sandbag represents anissue, a concern, an unresolved emotion, or a perception that holdsyou down—in essence, immobilizing you so that you can’t movefreely in life. These can range from doubts and fears to frustrationsand prejudices.

Lift one sandbag off the hook, and gently throw it on theground. As you do this, feel the release of weight as it lifts the hotair balloon several feet off the ground. Before the sandbag reachesthe ground, it dissolves into the air. With the balloon now unteth-ered, call to mind one more thought or feeling, place that associ-ation on the next sandbag, and gently toss it over the edge, onceagain feeling the balloon rise as it loses the extra weight. As youfeel the currents of air take you higher and higher, notice that yourfield of vision expands. Comb your mind for one or two more per-ceptions that you know in your heart it’s time to let go of, andagain, associating each perception with a sandbag, gently toss itover the edge of the basket and watch the bag slowly dissolve intothin air.

Take five slow, deep breaths and feel a sense of relaxation andliberation from the weight of those issues and concerns. When youfeel ready, bring yourself back to the present surroundings, openyour eyes, and appreciate your newfound freedom.

E X E R C I S EThe Silent Walk Meditation

This exercise became a popular morning routine for a runners’group I conducted several years ago. Basically, it involves makinga temporary vow of silence during a fitness workout, such as a longwalk in the company of friends. Although it works best when youare forced not to talk with anyone, it works quite well alone,whether during a walk, a jog, or a swim. Pick one issue you aredealing with at the present time, ponder the issue from all sides,and then ask yourself these questions before you actually set outto solve it.

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What feelings arise when you think about the situation?

Why do you feel this way?

What benefit is there from hanging on to these feelings?

As you continue to walk, imagine your mind to be like a cleanblackboard. What is the first thing that appears on your mind’sboard? When you come back, feel free to write down whateversolutions come to mind.

E X E R C I S EA Grieving Celebration

At a cancer survivors’ workshop, a woman approached me andasked point-blank how she should embark on the emptyingprocess. After hearing her story, I made this suggestion: bring asense of closure to this loss by creating a grieving celebration.Though the expression may sound like an oxymoron, what it reallymeans is to consciously allow for time to grieve but, at the same time,get on with your life. Mark a day on your calendar as your “Day ofIndependence.” Write down all of your thoughts and feelings onpaper, and then have a cremation ceremony in the fireplace. Makea list of all the things that you used to really enjoy doing. Next toeach activity, write down something new that you can do as analternate activity to breathe fresh air into your life. Then set outto do these things. Celebrations don’t have to be extravagant.Rearrange your bedroom closet, move the furniture around inyour living room, plant a tree in the backyard, or rotate all the artwork in your house. Get the energy moving so that you don’tfeel stuck.

The Light at the End of the TunnelAs a cautious reminder, you don’t have to sell your condo, divorceyour spouse, total your car, or renounce the world to begin theemptying process. It can be initiated quite simply through your willand desire in meditating, journaling, exercising, fasting, abiding inlong moments of silence, or setting aside quality time that’s dedicatedto clearing your mind. There are many ways to engage in theemptying process, each one offering the promise to cleanse the

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mind. The emptying process may seem like a dark void, but, trueto the cliché of the dark tunnel, there is light at the end—not atrain, either, but a glorious light.

Nature is loaded with examples of the emptying process, fromthe ebb of the evening tide to the waning of the full moon. Inhuman terms, the body empties several times a day; the mind empties hourly, if not more, with thoughts slipping below theradar of the conscious mind. Catharsis (e.g., laughing, crying, etc.)is how emotional emptying takes place. These are all remindersthat the spirit needs to cleanse as well. The way it does this is byletting go of thoughts, attitudes, and perceptions that at one timemight have been useful but now no longer serve us. These includefrustrations, fears, grudges, and so on, that actually hold us back—choking the spirit, so to speak. At the time these events occur, theyseem like the epitome of life’s crises, but in time, they offer life’sgreatest lessons, if (and it’s a big if ) we can learn from the experience.A Danish proverb reminds us of the same wisdom: “It is friction thatcauses the polished touch of the gemstone.” The emptying processholds great promise, if we let it. By wiping the slate clean, webegin with a fresh outlook on life, and that is exactly what the nextseason of the soul does.

The Grounding Process (Spring)In every culture since the dawn of humanity, there have been manyoccasions to seek the council of one’s higher self, whether throughmoments of solitude, during periods of seclusion, or in an organizedretreat. In a literal sense, groundedness means to be connected to theearth and to feel that you are indeed part of nature. In a figurativesense, to be grounded is the ability to feel comfortable in your surroundings, in your own environment, to achieve a sense ofinner peace. Ask any teenager what it means to be grounded, andhe or she will emphatically tell you that this is not a good thing.Ask any adult the same question, and this individual will mostlikely confide in you that he or she cannot get enough of it, forwhat was once a restriction now is a liberation. Semantics notwith-standing, what a difference a few years makes!

As the third season of the soul, the grounding process is a

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designated time of gathering insights. To hear the voice of God; toreceive a sign, a vision, a long-awaited epiphany, or a simple reve-lation reconnects us to that part of our divine essence and, in turn,provides a sense of security, a sense of stability on the path of thehuman journey. In times of need, we go looking for these insights.On rare occasions, they come looking for us, especially when we aredistracted and not paying attention. The net result is a sense ofinsight and courage when we confront the winds of change.

You Cannot Demand EnlightenmentIn simple terms, the grounding process is a time when we seek ananswer, and the answer arrives, sometimes immediately or perhapseventually, down the road a ways. In either case, the groundingprocess is a stage of reaping new ideas, insights, and intuitivethoughts to help you get from point A to point B on the next legof your human journey. Please keep in mind that it cannot happen unless and until the emptying process has been fullyengaged. You cannot take in new information until there is roomto store it. An ancient Chinese proverb speaks to the very heart ofthe grounding process: “When the pupil is ready, the teacher willcome.” The wisdom of this proverb suggests that we are both thestudent and the teacher. When the mind is clear of mental chat-ter, true wisdom will bubble up deep from within the unconsciousmind. The result is very reassuring. It gives us a sense of comfortand stability, and once again, this grounds us in the midst of thewinds of change.

Specifically, the grounding process is a time of revelation andresolution with regard to your relationships, your values (and valueconflicts), and, perhaps most important, your discovery of ameaningful purpose in your life. If the emptying process is likeplowing a field, then the grounding process is like planting andharvesting the crop. Some people refer to the wisdom gained in thegrounding process as fertilizer that feeds and deepens the roots ofa tree to withstand the winds of change. Regardless of themetaphor used, please know that once a space has been made in thesoul, the universe promises that something of equal or greatervalue will arrive to fill the space that was made available from theemptying process.

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An Open Mind Is a Clear MindHow do these nuggets of wisdom appear? They come in a greatmany ways, from intuitive thoughts and dreams to synchronisticevents and recurring themes in conversations. Remember that likea seed ready to germinate, the seed of an idea will take root in yourawareness only where there is fertile soil; in other words, a receptivemind is imperative. You can seek insights on the spiritual path, butyou cannot order them on demand. You must be ready with an openheart and mind. Just as you cannot push water uphill, neither can youdemand enlightenment. Discipline, patience, and receptivity areessential requirements for the grounding process.

Is there something magical about the number three, such asthree wishes or three wise men? Many people think so, includingAmy. “I go by the Rule of Threes,” she explained to me one day.“If I hear of something three times, whether it’s a book title, arecipe, or some concept floating through the air, it usually takes methree times to acknowledge it before it sinks in, and I act on it.” Sheproceeded to explain how she had been very impatient with a jobsearch. In the course of two days, she observed three people showingsigns of tremendous patience, and then it dawned on her that therewas a message in each encounter she observed. Amy continued,with a smile, “Life’s getting short, and I am hoping to evolve to thepoint where I can graduate to the Rule of Twos.”

Lowering Walls and Opening DoorsOnly when the walls of the ego are lowered are we receptive to thedivine whispers, insights, creative ideas, intuitive thoughts, andageless wisdom that, at some level, we solicit and require for eachsituation we encounter. You don’t have to strip naked and wanderthrough the desert plains for days to receive a vision. The entranceto universal consciousness can be accessed just about anywhere,including in the privacy of your own home. The grounding processcan occur in meditation, through dreams, or in moments ofsynchronicity—those wonderful coincidences that leave youscratching your head in amazement. As the saying goes, “A coincidence is merely God’s way of remaining anonymous.”

Artists, poets, authors, and songwriters will be the first to tellyou that when the walls of the ego are lowered, the most amazing

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thoughts bubble to the surface. And they happen during the mostunpredictable times: while washing dishes, driving home fromwork, walking the dog, or taking a bath. You must constantly bereceptive. Receptivity to divine insight is groomed, not just bycreating stillness in your mind but also through cultivating andrefining of your thoughts, perceptions, and attitudes by loweringthe walls of the ego. And although the flow of consciousness cannotbe forced, it can be enticed. Relaxation and patience are the keys.

The Quest for a VisionPerhaps nowhere is the idea of the grounding process more evidentthan in a ritual in the American Indian culture known as the visionquest. In this rite of passage, a person departs from his or hercommunity and spends a number of days in the wilderness—alone.The vision quest begins with a reflective period of centering: turn-ing within to address the soul. Next comes the emptying process,where no food is eaten and little, if any, clothing is worn, to rein-force the meaning of detachment. The vision quest is an intenseperiod of searching the corridors of the mind, to connect with thedivine source and come to an understanding of the meaning of life,with two basic questions: “Who am I?” and “Why am I here?”During this time, answers to these questions come—perhaps notalways immediately, but they come. If the seeker has a keen innerear, an insight or an intuitive thought process will lead the way outof metaphorical darkness into the light of life. Listening at thislevel requires a unique receptivity to hear, to open up, and to learn.But most important, we should not be afraid of the wisdom wemight encounter through our thoughts, visions, or sensations. The standard joke that exaggerates this fear is the person who, uponasking God for advice, hears a response he doesn’t like, pauses fora moment, and then, looking up to heaven in search of anotherGod, asks for a second opinion.

Bite-Size Morsels of WisdomThe nuggets of wisdom that cascade down through the layers ofconsciousness to our receptive mind are usually short in length, yetprofound in wisdom. It may be a few words, a concept, a symbol,or an idea: a quantum particle of knowledge acting like a bridgeover the abyss of stress that allows us to move on with our lives. In

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my own experiences, as well as in those others have shared with me,I have learned that insights come in small morsels, such as wordsor phrases, and not in big chunks like anthologies. The Higher Self,angels, or, for that matter, God doesn’t speak in half-hour solilo-quies. To the contrary, insights gained in the grounding process aredistilled down to simple truths or clichés that, collectively, providea road map to guide you in the right direction. Gentle whispers ofpatience, surrender, and forgiveness may fall upon your ears.Clichés and proverbs are examples of a type of wisdom that appearsto give a subtle message when we most need to hear it.

The Wisdom of DNAIt’s often been said that we have a wealth of knowledge inside us.What was once a poetic proverb now seems to be a surprising real-ity. As scientists explore the wonders of our DNA, they’ve foundthat the two spiraling strands of sugar and protein molecules con-tain a vast source of information that would make even theNational Library of Congress envious.

Recently, I came across a compelling book, The Cosmic Serpent,and, I have to admit, I found it to be one of the most astonishingstories I have ever read. The book described one man’s search foran understanding of life through his research into a drug used byPeruvian shamans, called Ayahuasca (eye-a-whas-qua). JeremyNarby, an anthropologist by training, set out from his home in theSwiss Alps for Peru in 1985 to study the work of shamans—particularly, the hallucinogenic drug they used, its chemical properties, and what he calls “plant communication.” He wasamazed to discover that the wisdom (in this case, the medical properties of plants) the shamans brought back from their “trips”was identical to the scientific data revealed in research studiesyears later. What intrigued Narby most was that these shamans hadvirtually no formal educational training. Somehow, they were tappinginto a deep-seated wisdom that science had yet to explore orexplain. It wasn’t long before Narby discovered that he was on thetrail of something big.

In reviewing his research notes back home in Switzerland,Narby was puzzled by this mystery. He wrote, “They talk of a lad-der, or a vine, a rope, a spiral staircase, a twisted rope ladder that

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connects heaven and earth, which they use to gain access to theworld of spirits.” Narby said that he began to trust the literal descrip-tions of his mentors, even though he didn’t quite comprehend theirsource of knowledge. When he was told by one shaman to study theform, Narby’s intuition stepped in, and he began to see a connectionbetween the ladder, the pool of knowledge frequently accessed, andthe DNA molecule. Could it be that these shamans used the drugAyahuasca as a key to unlock the secrets stored in DNA?

Some Interesting Facts about DNAIntrigued, Narby began to research what was known about thedouble helix of life. What he discovered helped him to connect thedots to form a new understanding of the human mystery. Forinstance,● DNA, a double-strand molecule of twenty proteins and sugar,

is a reservoir of immense data.● DNA is referred to as both a chemical compound and a language

of instructions. Narby goes so far as to say that DNA has consciousness.

● Whether one looks at animals, plants, or humans, DNA containsa code of four letters, A, G, C, T (which correspond to fourchemical compounds: adenine, guanine, cytosine, and thymine).

● Only 3 percent of human DNA is deemed active, while 97 percentof it is labeled “junk” (it’s not really junk, but, as Narby suggests,this is a stupid label given by arrogant scientists).

● Genes make up only 5 percent of our DNA.

● The smallest known bacteria genome contains 58,000 DNA letters, comparable to the information found in a city telephonebook. The Human Genome Project to determine human DNAconfigurations is currently underway, with plans of full completionvery soon.

● If a strand of DNA were stretched out end to end, it would bea two-yard-long thread that’s only ten atoms wide.

● If all of the strands of DNA in your body were extended end toend, its length would reach 125 billion miles, enough to circlethe earth five million times.

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● DNA emits photons of light in the narrow band of visible light.

● DNA emits light like a laser with luminescent colors.

● DNA appears to be not only an information molecule but a textas well.

● DNA has crystalline properties, acting as both a transmitter anda receiver.

After distilling the information he collected, Narby came to theconclusion that these shamans carefully used sacred medicinalherbs as a means to access a source of information that he attributedto DNA. His presentation of facts is impressive. Equally impressiveis his presentation of symbolic art from around the world thatcontains snakes as they relate to wisdom, from the serpent in theGarden of Eden on the tree of knowledge to the caduceus medicalsymbol. He even suggests that the yin/yang symbol could be interpreted as an aerial view of the DNA spiral.

There has long been an association between hallucinogenicdrugs and nirvana. Narby contends that an active ingredient in various hallucinogenic compounds seems to allow one access to thewisdom found in DNA. However, he notes that access can occurwithout the aid of these compounds. Yogis and sages seem to do it through meditation and come back with remarkable wisdom. Yetyou don’t have to take a trip to Peru or be a Himalayan yogi toaccess this wisdom. Anybody can. It’s as close as your next breath.

The word sacral comes from the same root word as sacred. Thesacral area of the spine is consider sacred by people who are awareof the mystical energy in the body that’s commonly known as kundalini. Kundalini energy, as described in the Hindu culture, isa serpent-type energy that rests in a coiled position at the base ofthe spine. People who meditate regularly often describe the move-ment of kundalini energy spiraling up the spine and emanatingthrough the top of the head. Enlightenment is said to be reachedwhen this occurs. Some people now correlate the inactive DNA tothe inactive serpent energy, and others believe that this is where thenext step of conscious evolution will occur. Yet others say, don’twait for this to happen. Although many people debate whatenlightenment is, the consensus among those who walk the talk is

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that it’s best described as compassion in action, putting your heartinto everything you do.

E X E R C I S E

The DNA Meditation

The beauty of the grounding process is that you never know justhow or when new insights may appear on the horizon. To keepyour mind sharp and focused, the following exercises might help.I’m delighted when I hear that people try various exercises and gaingreat insight into solving a problem. This exercise and the next aretwo that people have found very helpful.

Research indicates that we use only 3 percent of our DNA; therest seems to be inactive. Like a string of lightbulbs that has notbeen plugged into a socket and is therefore assumed to be useless,it appears that our DNA needs some attention to become activatedor, as mystics described, to be awakened. Some scientists say thatso-called junk DNA is more akin to a blank tape. One could usethis metaphor to record a new program on the blank tape. Selectwhatever metaphor best suits your imagination.

This meditation is an exploration into the wonders of DNA.Again, it requires the use of your vivid imagination; please feel freeto change these suggestions to make the exercise most comfortablefor you.

1. Sit in a comfortable position with your back straight and youreyes closed. Take a few deep breaths and, as you exhale, remindyourself that you are becoming more calm and relaxed.

2. Now, imagine that you have the ability to look within yourheart muscle. Travel to your heart and focus on one specific cell,then enlarge the cell so that the image is directly in front of you.

3. Next, look deep into the cell and find its nucleus. Focus yourattention on the nucleus. Then enlarge the nucleus so that thiscell structure is directly in front of you. Once you have animage, find the double helix, the spiral strand of DNA withinthe nucleus.

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4. Focusing all your attention on the DNA, enlarge the image ofthis structure so that it is directly in front of you. Depending onyour perspective, the strand of DNA may look like a ladder ora twisted bridge. From an aerial view, it may even resemble theTaoist yin/yang symbol. Take a moment to look at this DNAstrand from every possible angle, watching it rotate in motion.

5. As you study this double helix and all its many complexities,imagine that like a string of lights with a hundred bulbs, only afew (three) are actually lit. Using your imagination, create alight switch that, when turned on, makes all the lights shine.Not only does each bulb radiate brilliant brightness, but, uponcloser examination of the double-stranded helix, there appearsto be a beam of light that the two strands surround and actu-ally embrace. The light from the DNA emanates out to the edge of the nucleus and then continues toward the cellmembrane itself.

6. Again using your imagination, think that as one cell contains thisvibrating DNA of light, so do all cells. Just as pixels on a computerscreen emit light, every cell in the body now contains a doublehelix of DNA that emanates light, with all the parts active.

7. Surround yourself with the glow of the light and put forth aquestion to which you seek an answer. Take a deep breath andpause, knowing that the wisdom of the DNA will broadcast amessage to you when you are most receptive to hear it.

8. Now allow this image to fade from your mind’s eye, but retainthe feeling of light. Pay attention to the wisdom that comes toyour conscious mind as you travel through the course of yourday. Remember, the repeated use of this visualization willenhance your ability to access the deep-seated wisdom within.

J O U R N A L E X E R C I S EThe Vision Quest

Our lives are a series of events strung together through the spiritof each breath and heartbeat. Some events are more significant than

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others, marking powerful changes in our growth and develop-ment. In cultures that go back to the dawn of humankind, theseevents of change, these transitions from one life stage to another,were called rites of passage. The rites often included a ceremonyof celebration. Today, they frequently take other forms, such as barmitzvahs, weddings, baby showers, and funerals. In modern Amer-ican culture, the importance of personal rites of passage has beendeemphasized or forgotten. Attention is placed on the ceremony,without our retaining the recognition of its purpose. In reality, weundergo many of our major life events alone, with no supportiveguidance, no community involvement, and no celebration. Mod-ern technology has also replaced our sense of origin, leaving usuncentered and ungrounded. This often leaves individuals unableto deal effectively with the stress produced from life crises or tooimmature to progress through life.

In the tradition of the American Indian, a vision quest marks asignificant rite of passage. It is a wilderness retreat, in which onereflects on one’s inner resources and reaffirms one’s centerednessand connection to Mother Earth. In a vision quest, you seek a visionof a meaningful purpose in life, to gain a greater understanding ofwho you are as a person. This concept has been adopted as a cornerstone in the nation’s Outward Bound program: self-reliancethrough introspection in nature. A vision quest marks a major lifetransition. People who undertake this quest are seeking a vision toguide them through a transitional period of change. Although, in thetruest sense, a vision quest is done in the solitude of the wilderness,you can undergo this process anywhere. The following three ques-tions are provided to lead you on the first steps of your vision quest.

1. What significant events to date would you consider to be therites of passage in your life? Why do you consider these yourrites of passage?

2. Ask yourself, what life event are you in the midst of? Whatdragons are you battling right now? What life passage are youentering or emerging from? Rites of passage are thought to havethree distinct phases. As you ponder these questions, follow thesephases of the vision quest.

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a. Severance—A separation or a departure from old ways orfamiliar lifestyle habits, perhaps even from people, to theunfamiliar and the unknown.

b. Threshold—The actual quest, a search for a vision or anunderstanding of this transition. This will include an inventoryof your inner resources and external surroundings to provideguidance through the transition period. The threshold mayalso contain a series of trials to test these inner resources.

c. Incorporation—A return home from the quest, with newinsights and the ability to apply the knowledge from thisexperience as you progress through your life.

3. In the Native American culture, during a vision quest onereceives the gift of a name—not one that you give yourself but one that is given to you by Mother Earth through the elements of creation and her creatures. What name does the wind whisper in your ears? Your name can also be a positiveaffirmation statement, a phrase to keep you grounded or to boost your self-esteem, or a personal thought to give youinspiration.

The Breath That RefreshesMountains are symbols of strength, stability, and resilience. We,too, become strong, stable, and resilient to the winds of change thatstressors bring to our lives when we listen to the deep-seated wisdom of the soul. The image of mountains towering above theclouds conveys to many people the mirror image of their owndivine consciousness. For just as the mountain rises above theclouds, so, too, it connects to the very core of the earth, and thatis the epitome of groundedness. Breathing air on a mountaintopis truly invigorating. Mountaintops are known the world over as asymbol of clarity and insight. Many legends, fables, and stories,from Moses’ receiving the Ten Commandments on Mount Sinaito Sir Edmund Hillary scaling Mt. Everest, have become a part ofthe human psyche. We climb the metaphorical mountain to gaina better view of the world, to glean insight, to peek into the heavens. Once again, to see the light is akin to kissing the face ofGod. But the journey never ends on top of a mountain. Eventu-

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ally, we must descend from the peak, all the while savoring the tasteof exhilaration, so that we can share what we learned so that oth-ers may benefit as well.

The Connecting Process (Summer)Standing on top of Mount Antero, one of Colorado’s highest peaks,I raised my arms in the now-familiar Rocky pose and said a silentprayer of gratitude. The view was positively breathtaking, withouta cloud in the sky. It was no exaggeration to say that you could seemore than a hundred miles in every direction. A clear sky feeds ahungry mind. Anyone who has ascended to the top of a mountainknows the glory of looking out over the world. There is a feelingof both humbleness and exaltation. Balance strikes again. I took adeep breath and reminded myself that I had completed only halfof the journey.

Without a doubt, reaching the summit of any mountain is anoble adventure, but as any mountain climber knows, the summitis only the halfway point. As nice as it is to be on top of the world,at some point, you have to come back down. Whether the mountain-top is an hour-long mediation, a vacation, a retreat, a vision quest,or even a soulful conference, the connecting process calls us toemerge from the cocoon of solitude and reunite with members ofour community.

When we come down off the proverbial mountain, when weemerge from the solitude of the soul, glowing with inspiration, wehave an obligation to share what we have learned, encountered, orexperienced with friends, family, colleagues, and peers. Balance isderived from both receiving and giving. This is the expectation ofthe universe because greed is not a spiritual value. In the spirit of the connecting process, our mission is to build bridges, notwalls; to offer a hand in guidance, rather than turn our backs awayin indifference. In reality, the connection we hold between all people already exists. The only request we are given, as we con-sciously initiate the connecting process, is to acknowledge, sustain,nurture, and honor this connection. In the words of MotherTeresa, “There is no such thing as great acts, only small acts performed with great love.”

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The Bonds of LoveCall to mind the activities that you engage in during the summermonths: barbecues, parties, picnics, and family reunions. The summer is a time of gathering and celebration. This is what theconnecting process is all about: sharing and caring. Metaphoricallyspeaking, this is the time of coming together to watch beautifulsunsets and hug warm, fuzzy puppies. As great as the experienceis, it is so much better when it is shared. And by far, this is whatmost people think about when they speak of human spirituality: the“Disney World” effect, sharing exhilarating moments of euphoricjoy and happiness with people you love. Poets and mystics agree thatlove is the glue that holds the universe together. The connectingprocess is a metaphor for love.

Haven Trevino writes in his book The Tao of Healing, “Peopleseek love. This is what makes us great. People abide on the Earth.Earth abides in the Heavens, the Heavens abide in Love. Loveabides in us all. This is what makes us One.”

Alan is a Lakota Sioux from South Dakota. I met him at a work-shop several years ago, and over lunch, we shared some thoughtsabout spiritual hunger in America. The topic of the vision questcame up, and Alan explained to me that in many ways, it was quitesimilar to a retreat but a lot more powerful. Then he explained thata vision quest isn’t over when a wave of inspiration hits. The endof the vision quest comes when the person returns to his or hercommunity and shares with everyone the insights gained from theexperience. This way, the whole community benefits from the wis-dom. He described in detail his most recent experience in theBlack Hills of South Dakota. “Doing a vision quest is like detox-ing from all the negative stuff in society,” he said. “It gives yougreat perspective. I have learned a whole lot, but I also learned I needed to unlearn some things that were impeding my own personal growth.”

Alan then revealed that although he had completed his medicaldegree with the intention of returning to his tribe and helping toimprove the quality of health care, something was missing. In thecourse of his vision quest, he got a clear message that while Westernmedicine was good, it wasn’t enough, and he needed to incorporatethe traditional ways of healing to really be effective. “I got a real

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clear message for my calling, not to change it, but to strengthen it,and it’s really exciting,” he said.

So, what are some ways that people can share their insights aftercoming down from a mountaintop? It could be as simple as sharing the title of a good book with colleagues over the watercooler or perhaps starting a community garden. The possibilitiesare endless. The gestures don’t have to be huge in scope, just genuine and sincere.

Being a Conduit of LoveMany engaging stories illustrate the spontaneous altruistic acts ofthe connecting process. In my opinion, we can never hear enoughof them. The connecting process is really twofold; it’s a combinationof both receiving and sharing love in all the ways that love becomesmanifest. This is one of my favorite stories.

During my tenure as a professor at American University, Itaught a course called Humor and Health. Rather than assign aterm paper, as most professors do, I decided to take a more creativeapproach. I invited the students to create a tickler notebook, apersonal collection of jokes, cartoons, photographs, birthday cards,funny Dear Abby letters, Dave Barry columns, and anything elsethey thought would lighten their hearts. Selfishly, I knew that Iwould have fun reading through these, but I had an ulterior motive.Knowing the importance of comic relief and the absence of it inmost hospital settings, I wanted these students to be well preparedin the event that they found themselves incapacitated for anylength of time.

As part of the course, I brought in several guest speakers,including some stand-up comedians, musicians, political satiristssuch as Art Buchwald, the renowned physician Patch Adams, andfrom a local hospital, an oncology nurse, Christine Flanagan, whohad written a grant to establish a humor program in her depart-ment. With the money she received, Christine created a humorcart that was brought from room to room for patients who soughta diversion or relief from their illness. The cart, she explained, wasfilled with comedy CDs, videos, books, and cartoon books (the FarSide, Calvin & Hobbes, etc.). Although humor didn’t cure anyone ofcancer, Christine explained, the entire oncology ward became a

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more healthful place to work because patients were given permis-sion to laugh. Something the nurse said that night created a sparkin the souls of several students, and the magic of the connectingprocess had begun.

On the last night of class before a review for the final exam, thestudents gathered around me and asked to have a few moments ofmy time. Unbeknownst to me, in the last few weeks of the semester,they had pooled together the best of their own tickler notebooksand created an impressive comic relief compendium, which theypresented to me as a donation to the oncology ward’s humor cart,in what can best be called a true random act of kindness.

All of Life ConnectsSeveral years ago, I toyed with the idea of writing a screenplay. Thename of the movie was to be called Jung/Einstein, and like themovie titled My Dinner with Andre, this, too, would be a dinnerconversation, this time among two giants in the field of conscious-ness. About a year after I came up with this idea, I learned that CarlJung and Albert Einstein actually did sit down over lunch to discussmatters of the universe. Jung was fascinated with Einstein’s Theoryof Relativity and his Unified Field Theory. Einstein explained thatbeyond the speed of light, time and space don’t play by the samerules. He postulated that something beyond nuclear energy, electro-magnetic particles, and gravitational forces held the universetogether. My favorite quote of Einstein’s (and he is known formany profound observations) is this: “Gravity cannot be responsiblefor people falling in love.” In essence, he explained, everything ismysteriously connected.

Jung, who was formulating his own theories of psychology atthe time, was, to put it bluntly, deeply enthralled. In his explo-rations of the human mind, Jung had also found that both time andspace, particularly in the dream state, did not play by the samerules. He later admitted that Einstein’s theories inspired his ownidea of the collective unconscious, which, simply stated, suggeststhat at the deepest level of the unconscious mind—the divineaspect of consciousness—everyone connects. Jung used his theoryto explain everything from intuitive insights and clairvoyancy tosynchronicity. With Einstein’s influence on Jung, even the fields of

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physics and psychology were now connected. The “collectiveunconscious” is a unified field.

Einstein’s work gave rise to the field of quantum mechanics.The subtleties of quantum theory suggest that everything is madeof energy, with particles and waves moving freely in the universe.What, to the naked eye, looks like individual or separate objects isreally an illusion because, energetically speaking, everything connects. Everything is one. Of course, physicists weren’t the first todiscover this fact (most likely, they were the last). Wisdom keepersthe world over have said this for millennia. Poets, philosophers, anda few liberal physicists tell us that indeed, it is love that holds the universe together. The connecting process is all about love, which iswhy this season of the soul (the Disney World effect) is the mostsought after. Everybody wants to be loved. The connecting processisn’t about building bonds of connection; it’s about nurturing thebonds that are already there.

There is a short, wonderful American Indian prayer that speaksto the nature of the connecting process. It goes like this: “MitakuyeOyasin,” which means, “All my relations.” The wisdom of thisprayer refers to the web of life, where all the strands of the earth’sfabric, from the people we meet, to the air we breathe, to theground we walk on, are woven together in a unique tapestry. Theconnecting process is all about relationships: cultivating, nurtur-ing, and sustaining relationships. Our interactions with family,friends, colleagues, acquaintances, and even strangers are a smallfraction of the elaborate network of universal life. We are contin-ually in relationship with everything and everybody (seen andunseen), even when we are unaware of this profound association.For this reason, we are never alone, never disconnected from our divine source, despite the ego’s best attempt to convince us otherwise.

The aspect of connectedness did not escape the wisdom of LaoTzu, either. In what Taoist scholars call the Principle of Oneness,Taoism honors that which connects all life as one. Separateness isclearly an illusion. Taoist wisdom encourages us to transcend thelimitations of the ego, so that our highest potential can be realized.Moreover, from a Taoist vantage point, when we see ourselves as

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superior to nature or ignore the whole by focusing only on thepieces, we not only weaken our inherent link to nature, we isolateourselves from other people as well. In turn, this separatenessweakens our human spirit. If a connection is not reestablished, ourvery essence will suffocate. The nature of the Tao reminds us thatthe whole is always greater than the sum of the parts, and we areforever part of the whole.

The Healing Power of FriendsIn stress-management circles, the “buffer theory” is central to thetheme of connectedness. It’s loosely based on the idea that miserylikes company, but it’s so much more powerful than that. Quitesimply, it says that when people can come together and share theirthoughts and feelings, their stress is greatly reduced. In some cases,a community of friends can even prolong your life. This is thewhole basis for support groups, from A.A. to those for cancer survivors, which offer unique forums for people to come togetherand share their innermost thoughts and feelings in a safe environ-ment. The bottom line is that having friends who support you intimes of need tend to soften the hard blow that stress can bring.The result is not only an improved quality of life but a longer lifeas well.

This was made quite clear in 1989 by Dr. David Spiegel, whoconducted a study at Stanford University School of Medicine todetermine the effects of support groups on women who sufferedfrom breast cancer. He learned that women who attended a sup-port group lived, on average, five years longer than those whodidn’t. Further studies have yielded similar results. There was atime when families served as the primary support group, but socialdynamics have changed dramatically over the last several decades,and this has diluted the power of connectedness. The 2000 census reports that fewer than 25 percent of all households inAmerica consist of married couples with children. Moreover, morethan 27 million Americans live alone. And while living alone is notthe same thing as being lonely, scores of people confide that theyare indeed very lonely and depressed. This is why many peoplespend afternoons at a Starbucks or a Borders Bookstore Café,

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simply to be near and possibly meet other people. Experts agreethat “community” is now more important than ever and willbecome even more so in the coming decades, as technology invadesmore aspects of our lives.

E X E R C I S EBuilding and Nurturing Connections

It is human nature to socialize, but in an increasingly fragmentedsociety, it takes greater and greater efforts to find the right people,as well as the quality time to spend with them. It’s no secret thatwhile the global village becomes smaller, there is a greater senseof alienation among many people. For this reason, the connectingprocess becomes more important. To make the connecting processpowerful, time must be spent in the other seasons of the soul aswell. So, here is a suggestion: make it your goal to find a newfriend this season. Open your heart to the possibilities of meetingsomeone new.

One Person, Many SeasonsWhat makes life complicated, yet equally exciting, is that like theplanet itself, we, too, have many seasons occurring at one time. Inour personal lives, we can be going through the connecting process(the marriage of a daughter or a son), while at the same time, in ourprofessional lives, we might be in the middle of the emptyingprocess (a corporate merger and a downsizing). To make mattersmore complex, our spouses, kids, or friends may be in one season,while we are in another altogether. When we feel that no oneunderstands what we are going through, we can feel emotionallyisolated, which tends to perpetuate stress.

The cycle of seasons revolves many times in one’s life. Therewill be many periods of emptying, yet, true to the nature of the Tao,there will be an equal number of times to connect. It is interestingto note that only the connecting process is done in the companyof others, whereas we enter the first three seasons alone. This, too,is part of the balance. While each season is unique unto itself, it isimportant to remember the rhythm and flow of the seasons and not

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intentionally stay too long in any one place. As powerful as one sea-son may be, remember this piece of ageless wisdom: the whole isalways greater than the sum of the parts.

E X E R C I S EThe Heart-to-Heart Meditation

We all know how important the heart is. It is considered crucial to the human anatomy. However, with the anatomical heart comes certain problems. There is no doubt that heart disease is thenumber-one killer in the country, taking the life of one personevery thirty seconds. The association between clogged arteriesand heart disease is well proven, but, in addition to cholesterolbuildup, the consequence of hardened arteries is, in essence, ahardened heart.

Before we knew about the dynamics of anatomy and physiology,we trusted our body wisdom, which told us about feelings from theheart. As it turns out, every part of our gross anatomy also has asymbolic aspect. Placed over our physical heart is a symbolic heart.In Eastern cultures, this is called the heart chakra, a spinning wheelof energy that allows energy to flow into and out of the anatomi-cal heart. Ancient wisdom tells us that our emotions are closely tiedto the heart chakra, with an expansion of energy occurring throughlove and compassion and a constriction or a closed chakra in timesof fear and anger.

We have all heard the expression “a hardened heart.” We use itto signify being mean, nasty, hateful, rude, aggressive, stoic, incon-siderate, or indifferent. Symbolic messages can have very real consequences in our physiology. Stress—unresolved feelings ofanger and fear—is now thought to be the single most importantrisk factor for coronary heart disease. Recently, the cardiologistDean Ornish discovered that when cardiac patients were introducedto meditation, there was clear evidence of a reversal of the blockageof the coronary arteries. Ornish, who spent time studying in India,is no stranger to the concept of the heart chakra. The expressionof love through the heart is the strongest healing power known.And we each have the ability to receive, share, and be an instrument

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for this love. Opening the symbolic heart, the heart chakra, comesfrom the depths of ageless wisdom, and its message is one that wemust put into daily practice.

1. Sit quietly for several minutes and focus on your breathing. Feelthe air come into your nose or mouth, down into your lungs,and feel your stomach begin to expand, only to contract as youstart your exhalation. Repeat this seven times, and as you exhale,repeat the phrase “My body is calm and relaxed” to yourself.

2. After the seventh breath, focus your attention on the center ofyour upper chest, the area over your heart. If you desire, youcan imagine that over this area is an image of a heart, a flower,or whatever symbol you associate with love and compassion. Ifyou use a flower, imagine that the flower is opened up fullytoward the sun (e.g., lotus, rose, chrysanthemum, etc.).

3. For the next seven breaths, imagine that you are breathing airinto your lungs through your symbolic heart. Follow eachinhalation with an exhalation back out through the symbolicheart.

4. Using your imagination, picture someone whom you care aboutin front of you, and visualize a rainbow of light, a beam of light,or some other manifestation of loving energy flowing fromyour heart to the heart of this person.

5. It is important that you not only think thoughts of love, compassion, and bliss, but that you actually feel them as well.Feel the feeling of love in every cell of your body, and thenexpress the intention and the desire to share this feeling withthe person whom you have chosen to connect with.

6. Sending love to people whom we feel a sense of fondness towardis easy. Sending feelings of love and compassion to people whomwe dislike, whom we feel violated by, whom we are not at peacewith is a much greater challenge, but it’s not impossible. Usingyour imagination, recreate a beam of light, a rainbow of love,shining from your heart to this person’s heart. If this seems toohard at first, then merely place an image of this person(s) infront of you and send a message acknowledging the individual’s

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human spirit, for even though we may not like the person’sbehavior, the divine presence in him or her is a reflection of thedivine presence in ourselves as well.

7. Continue this meditation by refocusing on the image of a dearfriend or a family member with whom you wish to communi-cate a bond of compassion. Take seven breaths, each timerenewing the thought and the feeling of love and compassionas you focus on this image.

8. Close with one final, slow, deep breath, sending a ray of lovinglight to yourself.

On Being a Good MysticA fourth pillar of human spirituality often stands in the shadowsof relationships, values, and a meaningful purpose in life. Somepeople say that it is the foundation on which the other three aresituated. Others say that it is an aspect all unto itself. This component of spirituality is best described as mystical, and itencompasses all things that can never be fully explained, even bythe best means of scientific scrutiny. For a number of reasons, themystical aspect often takes a backseat in discussions about humanspirituality, due in large part to our inability to understand theunique alchemy of humanity between divinity, not to mention ourobvious desire to avoid looking stupid because there is no way tovalidate or prove it.

The mystical side of spirituality includes all the experiencesand happenings that defy rational explanation in the human mind, yet we know they really happened because we experiencedthem. People with a strong sense of faith may categorize these syn-chronistic moments or unexplained healings as miracles. Thosewith a more logical approach to life call these events “unexplainedanomalies” and either dismiss them or simply forget that they everhappened.

Carl Jung was not only intrigued by these events, he actuallystudied them. It was Jung, after all, who coined the word synchronicity.Jung was often ostracized for his explorations in this aspect ofhuman psychology, but that didn’t stop him. Ever the good mystic,

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Jung explained the rational mind this way: “The conscious mindrejects that which it does not understand,” and he chose not toreject it. Just because we don’t understand something does not giveus license to dismiss it, yet that’s what happens, perhaps because toaccept it would threaten our current worldview. Who wants to lookgullible or be embarrassed?

St. Augustine, himself no stranger to the divine mystery, isquoted as saying this: “Miracles do not happen in contradiction tonature, but in contradiction to what we know about nature.” By allmeasures, human spirituality is inclusive, not exclusive. To ignorethe mystical side would not only paint an incomplete picture, itwould also be a gross injustice to the entire topic.

History is punctuated with mystical happenings, from Moses’parting of the Red Sea and St. Teresa of Avila, who levitated whenshe prayed, to the apparitions of the Virgin Mary that recentlyappeared in Medjugorje. In every age and in every culture, mysti-cal experiences are about as common as the cycles of the moon. Irecall my first mystical experience as a child: a psychic dream thatforetold an event that actually happened days later. Not only hasmy life been filled with mystical experiences, but I have encoun-tered hundreds of people who have told similar stories, some ofthem looking for validation, yet most just wanting to share thewonder of the moment. M. Scott Peck described this process ofsearching for cosmic clues as the fourth and final stage of the pathof spiritual development: the Mystic Communal. In this stage, heexplained, you thrive on looking for clues to the mysteries of life,yet you know that you will never come close to finding all thepieces of the big picture.

Experiences that are mystical in nature are not restricted to achosen few. Rather, these moments—some people call them “holymoments”—are available for everyone, but you need an open mindto be receptive to their meaning. Being a good mystic doesn’tmean that you can perform miracles or use supernatural powers.To appreciate the divine mystery, you merely need to view theworld with an open mind. Being a good mystic means seeing thesupernatural as natural and the ordinary as extraordinary. In otherwords, you simply appreciate the mystery of life without needingto fully know the hows and the whys of the universe.

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A Final Thought on Mountains and Water

If you have never been to the Tetons, here is a suggestion: the besttime to go is in the autumn, when the aspen leaves turn gold. Witha blue sky and the majestic mountains as a backdrop, the place isnothing less than magical. Almost every September I go to Jack-son, Wyoming, to get away, to renew, and, if I am lucky, to shootsome photographs. On one particular trip, I rented a cabin in thenational park for three days. Usually, I have good luck with theweather, but this time as I drove into Jackson Hole, thick cloudsbegan to form around the mountains. As it turned out, I neveractually saw the Tetons during this trip because it rained cats anddogs the entire time I was there. Sitting on my bed in the cabin,hearing the raindrops bounce off the roof, I decided to open myjournal and do some writing. I had written a poem to open a bookI was working on, about balance and inner peace. Suddenly, itdawned on me that the back of the book needed a poem to balanceout the poem at the front. The proverb “stand like mountain, flowlike water” quickly came to mind, and I found the following wordsspilling from my pen to the paper. Because I now close each presentation with this poem, it has become my signature trade-mark. I thought it was a nice way to round out this chapter.

Stand Like Mountain, Flow Like Water

To walk the human path is hard,To stay put is not an option.At times my head is filled with doubt,I pause, uncertain and insecure,Then I hear these words aloud,Stand like mountain, flow like water.

I walk each step in search of truth,My quest brings both joy and sorrow.Light and dark dance unified,Yes! Balance is the key to life,Again I hear the words aloud,Stand like mountain, flow like water.

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We come to earth to learn to love,A lesson we all must master.To know and serve the will of God,Is not a task for a chosen few,We must each answer the call to love,Stand like mountain, flow like water.

The Call to LoveLike the call to adventure, the call to love comes in many ways, forthere are many colors in love’s rainbow. It is love, in the name offaith, that transports us over the water’s surface, and it is love, inthe name of courage, that allows us to either stand like a mountainor move one, when the situation calls for it. With love, truly allthings are possible.

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4

Move a Mountain,Walk on Water

We are all visitors to this time and place.

We are just passing through.

Our purpose here is to observe, to learn,

to grow, to love, then we return home.

— A B O R I G I N A L S AY I N G

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A Leap of FaithIt’s rather hard to accurately describe a South African accent tosomeone who has never heard it before. To the naïve ear, it soundsa bit British. There is a relaxed sound to the vowels, yet it isn’t thelaid-back drawl of people who hail from Australia or NewZealand—both places that I visited years ago. Perhaps because ofthe Dutch influence, the South African accent lulls you in by famil-iarity then captures your imagination with nuances of dialect ineach phrase. Such was the case when I was introduced to my pilotinstructor, after arranging to paraglide off Aspen Mountain in thesummer of 2000. I was about to jump off a cliff, which some peo-ple might consider insane, but the excitement of this adventure washeightened by hearing my pilot’s accent and seeing his air of con-fidence and infectious smile.

“Hi, my name is Pine Pienaar, and I will be your instructor. I’llbe right behind you the whole way. When I tap on your shoulder, Iwant you to run as fast as you can. Don’t hold back. The parachutewill take us straight up. Any questions?”

Looking him square in the eye, I shook my head no. Then Istepped into the harness that would hold me suspended in midair forthe next hour and fastened the belts really tight. Double-checking myharness, Pine shook my hand and said, “Let’s go.” I glanced down atthe firm earth directly beneath my feet, then out at the mountainsthat lay on the other side of a valley thousands of feet below. I tooka deep breath. Before I had a moment to reflect on the symbolicmeaning of jumping off a cliff, I felt a slap on my shoulder, and wewere off and up in less time than it takes to say “Pretoria.”

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I didn’t expect a conversation on the nature of God and themeaning of life, as we hung effortlessly in the air several thousandfeet above the ground. Perhaps I should have. Given the magic ofaerodynamics, combined with the spectacular mountain scenery, Ishould have expected nothing less.

“I found the secret of life,” Pine said, after making sure that I wasseated firmly in the harness. Absorbing the exhilarating experiencethrough each of my five senses, I nodded for him to continue.

With a tug of the right string and the help of a thermal lift, weascended several hundred feet and he said, “For so many years Iwas living a life of other people’s expectations. I would have dieda quick death in Johannesburg, had I conformed to mediocrity. I was reading a book at the time, contemplating what really to dowith my life. There was this one passage that has become the compass of my life journey ever since.”

“What did it say?” I yelled, hoping the wind would carry mywords back to him.

“It said love is the greatest force in the universe. Love can movemountains, yet so many people are paralyzed by fear.” He pausedfor a moment to check the drafts. “Each time we let fear rule ourlives, the soul dies just a little bit. Truly, this is no way to live.” Ashe paused once more to read the wind, we glided like a bald eagleover Aspen valley, with a bird’s eye view extending at least fiftymiles in every direction. Banking on a left turn toward the sun, hepicked up the conversation again.

“So I stopped living in fear. I began to take risks, calculatedrisks. I made a list of things I wanted to do in my life and starteddoing them, like travel and cooking, learning to sail, and paraglide.I started taking guitar lessons, and I learned to surf. Every time Icross off one more item, I end up adding four more. I make sureeach experience is an adventure!” I thought of something that afriend often says, “If you’re not living on the edge, you’re takingup too much room. . . . Life is short, but it’s wide!” To show myagreement, I gave him a thumbs-up.

“Now, take paragliding,” he said nonchalantly. “To jump off amountain and do it gracefully, you need faith to know you’re goingto land safely, but at the same time you need confidence to take thatfirst step. Intuition is critical to knowing how to read the wind and,

M OV E A M O U N TA I N, WA L K O N WAT E R 121

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of course, humbleness to take it all in and enjoy the immensity ofit all.”

“What’s the longest you have ever been in the air?” I asked.“Eight and a half hours,” he replied. “Simply heaven!”As Pine spoke, we sailed in a circle that was at least a half-mile

in radius. “Jumping off a mountain is the proverbial leap of faith,”he said. “Sometimes to move mountains you have to fly over them.”We both laughed at the wisdom of these words. I realized thatmoving mountains is neither impossible nor entirely difficult. Witha little distance behind you, the experience can also be exhilarating.

Mountain MoversLance Armstrong, a cancer survivor and the winner of six consec-utive Tour de France’s, said this of his near-fatal battle with cancer:“At the time, I thought it was the worst thing that could ever happen to me, but in hindsight, it has become the best thing thathas ever happened to me.” As strange as it may be to hear thesewords, they are commonly used by people, both famous andunknown, who have encountered the “stress from hell” and haveemerged from the circumstance gracefully. We call these peopleheroes. Joseph Campbell certainly would have. They left theircomfort zones and became the masters of two worlds. They appearto have moved mountains or walked on water because they haveovercome insurmountable odds. By moving mountains, they havenot created an illusion. They have made the impossible possible.The actor Laurence Olivier once said, “Legends are made of ordinarypeople who do extraordinary deeds.” Legends are not limited tosports heroes and celebrities. We all have the potential to be legends.Whether we know it or not, we are all on a Hero’s Journey.

Simply put, there are two ways to emerge from a stressful situa-tion. The first and most common is in the role of a victim. Travelingon this path, people milk a difficult situation for all it’s worth bycleverly begging for sympathy and pity. They bitch, moan, andwhine until the cows come home about some personal injustice,and just when you think that everything that could possibly be saidhas been hashed out, they start all over again. After a while, theysound like a broken record, except that because they have the victim

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mind-set, they always seem to find something new to complainabout. Hence, the cycle is repeated again and again. Victims areeverywhere. Listen closely to the next conversation you have withacquaintances, friends, and family members, and you will see howcommon the role of victim truly is. To go one step further, listento yourself speak and see whether you notice similar behavior.

The second way to emerge (note that emerge is the root wordof emergency) is to move through any given situation gracefully,meaning with no lingering trace of resentment, animosity, or bitter-ness. People who do this shine. They glow. These are the peoplewhom you really want to hang around because they are fun to bewith. Now, keep in mind that these people are quite human, andthey, too, have their moments of anger and resentment. But unlikethe proverbial victim, who wallows in the mind-set of victim consciousness, the victor works through a problem and thenquickly moves on. In the resolution process, not only does this person come out stronger in spirit, she or he glows. I call theseindividuals “transcenders” because they don’t get stuck in themuck, but, like butterflies, they rise above their problems.

Transcenders often echo the words of Lance Armstrong, by say-ing that what at the time seemed like a curse of biblical proportionsis now nothing less than a blessing—the best thing that ever hap-pened to them. While many things distinguish a victor from a vic-tim, perhaps the most notable is the ability to learn whatever lessonis offered from each situation. In doing so, the person’s roughedges—both big and small—get polished, so that this metaphori-cal gemstone becomes smooth and irresistible to the touch.

High on a MountaintopIn his study of several hundred remarkable people, the renownedpsychologist Abraham Maslow searched for personality traits thatculminated in what he called the “self-actualized” person. Hedescribed these individuals as being able to rise above the stressorsof everyday life and reach their highest human potential to enjoypeak experiences. In his search for what made these people tick, hediscovered a host of attributes that formed the foundation of self-actualization. He learned that humor, creativity, patience, and

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faith acted as buffers for the torments of life’s stressful moments.In recent years, the term hardy personality (a character type thatembodies three traits: challenge, commitment, and control) hasbeen used to describe people who deal effectively with life’s ups anddowns in today’s ever-changing workforce. Although the attributesof a hardy personality work well for a media sound bite, I think it’sfair to speculate that the human treasure chest has more than threetools in it.

Humanistic psychologists suggest that we most likely use onlya fraction of our innate talents. Like our DNA, of which scientistshave determined that we use only 3 percent, we have barely tappedinto our human potential. It has often been said that if we, as ahuman species, were to employ all of our inner resources at anygiven time, we would not only amaze ourselves, we would probablyappear superhuman, perhaps unrecognizable. We see glimpses ofremarkable humans who do this during the Olympics or in cata-strophic circumstances that require heroic degrees of strength andinternal fortitude. We glimpse these feats often enough to knowthat they are indeed possible. Yet good news seems to quicklyevaporate from human consciousness. We forget that not only arethese achievements possible for others, but that we, too, canaccomplish them.

In the course of my life, I have encountered many people whohave not only made lemonade from lemons, they have transformedthe lives of nearly everyone they came in contact with. I meetthese people on airplanes, at rock concerts, in ski chair lifts, or ingrocery store aisles. Some are college students, others are workshopparticipants, but most of them are everyday people, strangers whobecome friends, unassuming people who most likely will nevermake front-page headlines. Perhaps I consciously seek them out,but even when I think I am not looking, I still meet them. Theybegin by sharing their stories, much like Lance Armstrong’s—thehero with a thousand faces. I know immediately that these peopleare not victims, because they radiate a vibrant energy that I canonly describe as loving compassion.

Curious, I always ask what helped them get through their horrible ordeals. As if they had all gotten together to conspire onone answer, they begin by mentioning an inner resource. For

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some, it was humor; for others, it was faith; for still others, it wasforgiveness. And although they might begin with one attribute,before long, they have included several more. When I hear theseinner resources mentioned, I think, these are not gifts for a chosenfew; they are everyone’s birthright. Humor, faith, patience, forgiveness, creativity, persistence, humbleness, and compassionare just a few of the gems in the crown of human potential. Thereare many, many more. I call these inner resources the “muscles ofthe soul,” because they act like a guiding force to help us overcomethe obstacles we face on life’s journey. In many ways, they are akinto the spiritual aids that Campbell mentioned, which appear on theroad of trials. Similar to our physical muscles, these attributesnever disappear; however, they will certainly atrophy with disuse.

Every day we are called upon to use these muscles, sometimesmany of them at the same time. These are the tools of the humanspirit that help dismantle roadblocks on the road of life. They areskills that help us circumnavigate, deflate, or transcend the problemsin our lives so that we can keep moving on the human journey. Andthe beauty of these inner resources is that they are always available,no matter what the size of the problem, whether it’s some guy inthe grocery store with seventeen items in his shopping cart whenthe sign above his head reads TEN ITEMS OR LESS, or the angel ofdeath comes knocking on your door. Metaphorically speaking, theseinner resources make you strong enough to move a mountain orlight enough to walk on water. The muscles of the soul aregrounded in inner peace. In the sage words of Thich Nhat Hanh,“People say that walking on water is a miracle, but to me, walkingpeacefully on earth is the real miracle.”

The Muscles of the SoulThe colorful list of attributes that comprises the “muscles of thesoul” is as long as it is impressive. These inner resources typicallybegin with more obvious ones, such as faith and humor, but tuckedaway among these sinuous fibers are the equally important tracesof persistence, integrity, patience, imagination, tolerance, andresiliency—characteristics that the researchers heading up theHuman Genome Project most likely will never find in the double

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helix code of our DNA. Metaphorically speaking, these are the colors of love’s rainbow. When loved is looked at from this perspec-tive, the wisdom imparted from Jesus of Nazareth to “love yourneighbor” becomes more possible. All aspects of our human poten-tial quickly gain our attention when the odds are stacked againstus. Similarly, these same muscles of the soul are equally as powerfulwhen we deal with smaller annoyances in life, like the man whoneglects to use his turn signal or the daughter who insists sheneeds a new pair of jeans when you just bought her a pair last week.Described here are some of the more commonly used muscles. Inthe spirit of Joseph Campbell, several stories are woven aroundthese muscles, stories of common, yet uncommon, everyday heroeswho learned the lesson of not getting stuck. Through these stories,the promise of our human birthright is revealed. Like fables, myths,and legends of long ago, they awaken our souls to the promise ofour highest potential, so that grace under pressure prevails. At theend of each story is a small section titled “Testing Your SpiritualPotential,” where questions are posed to help you exercise thesame muscles.

Patience: The Virtue That CountsClifford was diagnosed with type 1 (juvenile) diabetes three daysbefore his eleventh birthday. At an age when his friends could makeforts and go off in the woods to hunt mythical dragons, Clifford leda more cautious life. Although he would admit that his life waspretty normal, the constant monitoring of his blood-sugar levelbefore and after each meal was a clear sign that Clifford was indeeddifferent. For the rest of his life, the insulin kit would always bewithin arm’s reach.

“When I was first diagnosed, there were no insulin kits. Bloodsugar was measured through urine tests. I remember the days whenwe had to boil the syringes before each insulin injection,” he said.

In 1971, when he proposed marriage to Kathi, his high schoolsweetheart, he promised her that their life together would be wonderful, but he couldn’t guarantee that he would be there by herside in the retirement years. Diabetes is the third leading cause ofdeath in the United States, and life expectancy is about twentyyears shorter than for nondiabetics. Regardless of how well a person

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monitors his or her sugar levels, nerve damage occurs in the eyesand the extremities. There are numerous complications with theheart, the kidneys, and other organs as well. Diabetes can be a verycruel disease.

When Clifford was first diagnosed, medical science had not evenconducted the first heart transplant, so any thought of a pancreatictransplant was nothing more than science fiction. With the advancesof medical science today, organ transplants have become almostcommonplace. Clifford was forty-seven when he first heard of achance for a pancreatic transplant. Knowing what was in store forhis health status, he immediately pictured his name on the list ofpotential recipients. The only problem was that time was not onhis side. Time and patience can either be our best friends or ourmortal enemies, depending on our perception. He decided to maketime and patience his best allies, hoping that one day, he would findhimself at the top of the donor list. Biding his time, Clifford tookup a few new hobbies, including car restoration and repair.

“The doctors told me that after age fifty, the complicationsbecome too great, so they conduct transplants only with youngerpatients. I’m forty-nine, and although I am in good shape, theclock is ticking and it’s not in my favor,” he explained. “Not onlythat, but you basically are waiting for some poor guy to die, so youcan live. Then on top of that, assuming you do get the transplant,there is no guarantee that your body will accept the organ. It’s avery strange ordeal to go through.”

Clifford will admit that patience was never his strongest card,but his attitude changed when his name was placed on the donorlist. It had to. For nearly three years he waited for a healthy pancreas.For nearly three years he waited for the phone to ring with a voicetelling him that he had a new lease on life. Patience isn’t just waitingfor what you want to happen. Patience is waiting with dignity andhumbleness, even if what you are waiting for never comes. It is therealization that the timing of your desires is not always in sync withthe universal clock. There is always a bigger picture to consider.Fear can act like blinders to our worldview. The result is often ahurried pace that is out of step with the grand picture. Perhapsnowhere is this more evident than in the American lifestyle, wherefast-food convenience and drive-up window service support

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a lifestyle built on immediate gratification. Sometimes fear canobliterate patience altogether.

On April 3, 2000, Clifford got a call from his surgeon to drivedown to Yale, New Haven Hospital. His name had been at the topof the list for the last three months, and every time the phone rangin the house, he and Kathi both held their breath. When he arrivedfor surgery that afternoon, shaved, scrubbed, and prepped to gounder the knife, the physician told him it wasn’t a good match andhe should get dressed, go back home, and wait. Patience was calledupon again. Some people might have gotten mad. Clifford smiledgraciously and headed back home. Patience is like a lighthouse beacon that never dims. Two days later, the hospital called again.

“My son had just come home from a date. The phone rings at1:30 A.M., and Matthew yells upstairs, ‘Hey, Dad, you got your pancreas!’ I was so nervous, I knew I couldn’t drive, so I asked a good friend to drive us to the hospital. Surgery was scheduled for 6:00 A.M. Then, for some reason, they told me it was resched-uled for 1:00 P.M. that afternoon, and again I had to wait.”

Indeed, a new pancreas sat in an iced cooler, waiting for Clifford’sfreshly scrubbed and shaved body. This time, it was deemed agood match. The waiting game was over. By the time Cliffordarrived in postop, his whole family had gathered around his bed insupport. I talked to Clifford a few days after his seven-hour surgery.“I am not out of the woods yet,” he said to me. “But I have to tellyou, I have never felt this good in my life. You know what the firstwords were out of my mouth in the transplant recovery room?” heasked with a huge smile. “Hey, Dad, I’m not a diabetic anymore!”

In these times of fast food, drive-up bank tellers, and instantmessaging, patience is a rare commodity. We would all do well tofollow Clifford’s lead and employ the skill of patience at everypossible moment. As Clifford will tell you, patience offers its ownrewards.

TESTING YOUR SPIRITUAL POTENTIAL: Are you a patient person?What undermines your sense of patience in times of stress? Humbleness and patience go hand in hand. How humble are youin times of stress?

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Faith: Trust without ReservationNearly every person I have met who is on the rebound from a tripto hell speaks of faith as a crucial tool in his or her journey home,regardless of the individual’s religious orientation or lack thereof.These transcenders may not list faith as the first muscle they flex,but it always seems to find its way into the story at some point.Faith isn’t a belief in something that might be; it is a knowing of whattruly is. In a world crowded with six billion people and counting, itis easy to think that we are very insignificant and obscured fromGod’s view. In a sound bite, faith can best be described as a deep-seated knowing that as insignificant as we might seem in the vastcosmos, we are essential to the grand design of the universe. Faithis the seat of that knowing, an undeniable awareness of our connection to the divine source. Like the fairy tale hero who getsdistracted from his or her destination, it is easy to forget this divineconnection. Yet like a trusty compass, faith is the act of remem-bering that brings us safely back home.

To help pay my tuition in graduate school, I taught beginningswim lessons to undergraduate students. Having swum competitivelyin high school and college, I consider pools my second home. Onthe first day of each semester, it was my job to make my studentsas comfortable in the water as I was. My third semester proved nodifferent than the rest. Students shuffled onto the pool deck withtowels draped around their necks like life vests. As I finished takingattendance, a black woman walked out of the locker room with atowel in hand and introduced herself as Lawanda. At first glance,it was no exaggeration to say that Lawanda weighed over threehundred pounds. She dwarfed everyone in class, including me.Most of us were half her body weight. Yet as big as she was instature, she was the epitome of timidness. This woman was deathlyafraid of the water. As the students jumped in, Lawanda perchedherself delicately on the edge of the pool, barely dipping her bigtoe in. The next few classes proved even more challenging, becausethis young coed simply refused to get her face wet. To pass thecourse, each student had to jump off the high board into the deep endand swim to the edge unassisted. I looked at this human bundle ofnerves and could tell it was going to be a long semester.

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Within a few weeks, however, things got better. Lawanda soonrealized that her weight was an asset in the water. She floatedbeautifully. With a little confidence under her belt, she learned toswim on her back relatively easy, as long as no water got into hereyes or nose. From there, we worked on the freestyle and thebreaststroke. All the while, the high board at the deep end of thepool waited, like a hungry great white shark lurking just yards offthe coast. When the day came to jump off the high board, Lawandawas mysteriously absent. In a way, I was rather surprised, becauseover the last few weeks, she seemed to have really taken a liking tothe water. When she showed up the next day, she was more nervousthan any student I have ever taught. I explained to her that shealready knew how to swim; jumping from a few extra feet above theedge wouldn’t matter that much. Tears rolled down her checks.

After a very long pause, Lawanda stepped up on the divingboard and walked with painstaking slowness toward the edge. Inwhat seemed like an eternity, she just stood there and looked down.I got in the water to coax her, to no avail. Twenty minutes later theclass ended, and Lawanda never even got wet. During the next classperiod, Lawanda perched at the edge of the high dive and remainedin that position the entire time. Nothing I said or could have saidwould give her any comfort. She was frozen with fear. When wemet again as a class, Lawanda failed to even show up that day. Withonly two more class periods remaining, Lawanda’s fate—specifically,her graduation—was in question. I walked out of the pool officeand began picking up kick-boards and was surprised to seeLawanda sitting poolside. “I’m ready today,” she said. “Can I goover to the deep end?” Not wanting to dampen her enthusiasm, Inodded. Other students walked onto the pool deck but kept theirdistance, so as not to intimidate her.

There are ten steps leading to the top of the high dive. Lawandapaused at each one, as if to say a prayer. As she made her waytoward the edge of the board, I quietly slipped into the water andswam a few feet, gently talking to her, coaching her the whole time.“Will you promise to catch me if I jump in?” she yelled, lookingup toward the ceiling.

“I promise!” I yelled back. But before I finished speaking thosetwo words, she leaped high in the air and splashed feet first into the

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water. In less than a nanosecond, Lawanda surfaced. Her face wasbeaming. She quickly reached for my hand but then turned on herback and sculled toward the pool edge. As she climbed out, she wasmet by a thunderous round of applause from the other students.She turned to me and said, “I want to do it again!” And sureenough, she did, several more times that hour.

When class was over, she walked up and gave me a hug, saying,“I woke up this morning and had me a little talk with God. I wastold in no uncertain terms that this was a test of faith, and with myattitude, I was not passing. God said, ‘Let go of fear, and I’ll catchyou.’ I was using you as a backup, but I didn’t really need you.” Shepaused for a second to reflect on the concept of faith. I cannotremember her exact words, but they reminded me of Nelson Mandala’s eloquent wisdom: “Faith is not belief without proof, buttrust without reservation.” Lawanda smiled and winked at me,then headed into the women’s locker room. For her, walking onwater was no different than swimming beneath it.

TESTING YOUR SPIRITUAL POTENTIAL: How strong is your faith intimes of stress? What holds you back when faith calls you to moveforward?

Forgiveness: Moving OnStress has many balls and chains, but the heaviest one that keepspeople tethered to the ground is unresolved anger in the form ofgrudges. If unresolved anger is a toxin to the spirit, then forgivenessis the antidote; and where anger is a roadblock, forgiveness is a ladder to climb over and transcend the experience. For forgivenessto be complete and unconditional, though, you must be willing tolet go of all feelings of resentment, anger, and animosity. Sweet forgiveness cannot hold any aftertaste of bitterness, as these emotionsare mutually exclusive.

Feeling victimized is common when one encounters stressorsin the form of another person’s behavior. When we sense that ourhuman rights have been violated, our feelings of rage can quicklyturn into resentment. Left unresolved, these toxins can taint theway we treat ourselves and others. To forgive those who we feelhave wronged us is not an easy task. Often it’s a process, and at

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times it’s a very arduous process. Yet turning the other cheek does notmean that you have to let others walk all over you. And forgivenessis not a surrender of your self-esteem, nor is it a compromise of yourintegrity. Forgiveness is not the same as restitution, so don’t golooking for an apology. When fully engaged, forgiveness can turna hardened heart into an open passageway, in which we movegracefully through a difficult situation.

The drive from Jackson Hole to Boulder is a little more thaneight hours. The majestic view of the Rockies at either end isbreathtaking. It’s no secret that the Tetons in October are simplystunning. The trip in-between Jackson Hole and Boulder, however,is much less exciting. The wide-open spaces of Wyoming are oftenmonotonous. In the late afternoon I approached Laramie. It’s normally a quiet little town, but I noticed police sirens in the distance,and for a moment my attention was distracted. Sometimes I stopin Laramie to refuel, but I thought that I had enough gas to reachFort Collins and decided to keep driving. Hours after I got home,I heard on the news that a young man had been found beaten andtied to a rail fence a few miles from Laramie’s city limits. Barelyalive and in a coma, he was brought to a hospital in Fort Collins.His name was Matthew Shepard. The local news media followedhis story closely, as did the national news. Brutal murders like thisjust didn’t happen out West. The next day it was reported that hedied, and the search was on for his killers. Soon the whole worlddescended on the sleepy little town of Laramie. It seemed that themurder of Matthew Shepard had become the hate crime of thedecade. Within a few days, the police had their suspects and a trialwas underway.

Ask any parent, and he or she will tell you that the hardestthing to go through in life is the death of your own child. Such wasthe case for Judy and Dennis Shepard. The fact that Matthew hadbeen murdered and the story was now national headline news onlymagnified an already difficult personal crisis. But as tough as it was,they both held their heads high. Perhaps most remarkable, duringthe year that it took the trial to be completed, was Judy Shepard’sability to forgive the convicted murderers of her son. The two menfaced the death penalty, but due to Judy’s efforts, their lives werespared. Rather than death, she lobbied for mercy. Her efforts were

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successful. When the trial was over, she explained that if she heldcontempt for the murderers, she could never get on with her life.And she needed to move on. In Dennis’s words, “Now is a time forhealing.”

About the same week that Matthew Shepherd was brutally murdered, another life was extinguished all too early just eightymiles south of Laramie. Again the seeds of forgiveness were sownto take root. At the age of twenty-one, Benjamin Shank was lookingto transfer to Goddard College in Vermont. Music had become adeep-seated passion for Ben, and just months earlier, he hadrecorded his first musical. Music, he felt, was a way to make theworld a better place in which to live. He decided to stay in Coloradoduring the fall and work on the final editing of his project. Onenight, however, while he was driving through Boulder, Benjamin’scar was struck by a drunk driver, and he never returned home.

“When a mother loses a son, it is devastating,” explained RoseShank. “When the phone rang at four in the morning on Sunday,October 4, my life changed in a way that I could not have imagined.In addition to mourning the loss of Ben, I have had to learn howto best help three teenagers mourn the loss of their brother.”

I first met Rose at a stress-management workshop nearly adecade ago. The instant I met her, I felt a strong presence of peace.With her feet well anchored and her spirit soaring like a kite, itbecame obvious to me that Rose was a woman of great faith. Yet,as she explained, the path of faith is not an easy road. Faith is continually tested in many ways. Forgiveness became the challengeof her faith. Years later, I learned of her son’s death through mypersonal assistant, who mentioned that her own son had attendedschool with Ben. I took the liberty to call Rose and express my condolences. We agreed to meet for lunch and catch up on ourlives. There, I learned firsthand how powerful the act of forgivenesscan be.

Rose told me that she had attended the sentencing of the youngman accused of drunk driving and manslaughter. She had stood upin front of the judge and read her statement:

My family and I have come to a decision. I ask you forleniency in terms of time sentenced to prison. I feel that time

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in prison would harm the defendant more than it wouldhelp him change his decision-making process. Believe me, itis very difficult to do this. By stating our feelings publicly, Irisk judgment, criticism, derision, and also the risk of feel-ing unheard in the courtroom. There are many people withme in the courtroom today who have come here, not onlyto offer us support but to make a statement by their presence.They, too, believe in a compassionate life and are willing tomake this public. Compassion doesn’t lessen the pain causedby our loss, but it gives us freedom from anger that wouldprevent us from living our lives fully. We feel blessed in thatwe truly have no room in our hearts for vengeance. It’s true,there is nothing that will bring Ben back to us. So, onceagain, we look at what we think might produce some goodfrom this tragedy, which is why I stand before you request-ing leniency for the defendant. We have spent many hoursin reflection, discussion, and discernment. In the spirit ofBen, who was a compassionate, generous, and caring humanbeing, we continue to live our lives in a way that makes thisworld a better place to live.

Forgiveness is a powerful antidote to anger.

TESTING YOUR SPIRITUAL POTENTIAL: List two people whom youfeel have violated you in some way. Ask yourself, How long have Ibeen carrying a grudge against each person? Then pick one per-son and begin the forgiveness process, so that you can leave theperson behind and move on to the next individual, doing the samething. This will enable you to really start moving on with your life.

Willpower: Connecting to the SourceWillpower is one of the most desired muscles working the engineof the human spirit. It provides the energy not only to set thingsin motion but to keep them moving as well. We call a lack ofwillpower laziness, but it’s really more than that. Indolence is aconscious decision to turn against the divine tide and even try tobuck it. Willpower is a source of strength, but it is not merely astrength that resides within us. Anyone who describes his or heruse of willpower will tell you that it’s a team effort, of sorts. Such

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is the case of Lance and his remarkable ability to harness hiswillpower. I first met Lance at the pool where I work out. He’s alifeguard. One day as I walked back into the locker room, we struckup a conversation about the Christmas holidays. As it turns out, wewere both going to the Hawaiian Islands. Lance was going to hissister’s wedding, but, as he explained it to me, it wasn’t his first tripto the South Pacific. The first time was not exactly a vacation.Later, over steamed rice and wontons, he gave me the inside scoopon that very first trip.

Picture this: you’re asleep in bed, only to awaken and find threefederal marshals in uniforms, surrounding you. They tell you to getup and put your hands behind your back. They have handcuffs andthey mean business. Before you can register what is going on,you’re basically being kidnapped and being hauled out of the houseand into a car. Within forty-eight hours, you find yourself on aplane to a South Pacific island, Samoa, and although the place iscalled Paradise Cove, this isn’t paradise. It’s the furthest thing fromit. It’s a boot camp for teenage drug addicts, and the suggestedlength of stay is one year. This was the initial experience Lancefound himself in one night in 1996. Some stressful situations youwalk into blindly; however, this was not the case for Lance. Hehimself had laid the groundwork for this experience by dealingdrugs at age fifteen, and now he takes full responsibility for hisactions.

Like so many kids who experiment with drugs, Lance had triednearly everything: pot, mushrooms, crack, amphetamines, andacid, to name a few. His rebellious behavior very quickly turned to a serious addiction. He may have been looking for acceptanceor perhaps felt anger directed at his estranged dad, now divorced;perhaps he was just driven by plain curiosity, which got out of control. No matter what the direct cause, now he was in deeptrouble. His mother realized that not only was he on a downhillslope, he had practically booked himself a one-way ticket to prison.So she did the only thing she knew that would work. She arrangedto have him picked up and delivered to the world-renowned ParadiseCove drug and alcohol rehabilitation program for teenagers. Lancewas anything but impressed with this token of generosity. In fact, hewas furious at her when he learned that she’d arranged the whole

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thing. Given the chance to call home, he flatly refused. When thenumber was dialed for him, he could barely utter a word.

“It was the day before my seventeenth birthday. I couldn’tbelieve what was happening. First, they ship you off to BrightwayRehab Center in St. George, Utah. They shave your head, give youa uniform, and keep you up all night, I suppose to disorient you.You get one phone call home, which turns out to be the last phonecall you’ll make for about six months. From that point, there isabsolutely no contact with your family. There is no contact withanybody. You are stripped of everything. It’s rough, really rough,”Lance said.

But it turned out that it only got rougher. The Paradise Coverehab center is spartan at best, in terms of food (rice and mutton),clothing (standard issue T-shirt and shorts), and lodging (barrackswith no showers). To get an accurate picture, imagine the exactopposite of Club Med—a never-ending boot camp with as manyas two hundred kids all in the same situation. And all for the samereason: a lack of willpower.

“The hardest part of being there was knowing that no one wasgoing to do it for me. Nobody was going to rescue me. I had to doit myself. I had to change within to set myself free. What did it taketo do this? Coming to terms with who I was as a person. Dealingwith a lot of anger. I had to learn to like myself. I never felt thatbefore. That was really hard.”

If the shock of being hauled off to Samoa for twelve monthswasn’t hard enough, there was another shock: coming back home.Lance no longer had anything in common with the friends withwhom he once associated—nor did he want to. To make mattersworse, not only did he have one year of high school to finish, hehad to make up the difference in the work he’d missed while he wasaway. In other words, the end of hell didn’t mean the beginning ofparadise. Lance was now back in the environment he had initiallyleft, but unlike the situation in Paradise Cove, drugs, alcohol, andsex were readily available. Lance admits that many things havehelped him and continue to help him cope with life’s challenges,the most important of which is willpower.

“Being at Paradise Cove, you begin to realize rather quickly

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that you aren’t going to get any help, but at the same time you’renot alone. For those who were inclined, there was a focus on thehigher self: God. I tend to see willpower as collaboration with thehigher will. It’s what gives you strength. It’s what gives mestrength. Toward the end of my stay, a kid said to me, ‘Man, youare so strong!’ At first, I thought he was speaking about my char-acter. But what he really meant was that my willpower was beingfed from a higher source. I truly understand that now,” heexplained.

“Every day is a challenge, but I have put all that behind me now.You’ve got to! You’ve got to move on,” Lance said.

TESTING YOUR SPIRITUAL POTENTIAL: The strength of yourwillpower depends on the situation at hand. It is also tightly inter-twined with your values. Willpower isn’t moving away from something, as much as it is moving toward something else. Whatissue are you tackling that requires willpower? What value is associated with it? What are you moving toward?

Acceptance: The Final StepPalm Springs, California, is a very hot place in the summer, as tem-peratures can reach well above 110 degrees. I was attending a con-ference, giving a presentation on stress and human spirituality. Incontrast to the scorching heat outside, the room was comfortablycool. Typically, I provide handouts and place them on the chairs sothat people who come in early can glance through the material andbecome familiar with it. With the handouts distributed, I headedtoward the slide projector with my slide carousel but was interceptedby a man wishing to chitchat.

“I looked over your list of muscles of the soul. Good list, butyou forgot one,” he said.

“Oh, really. Which one?” I inquired, knowing fully well that mylist was incomplete.

“Acceptance,” he answered. He looked down at the ground fora moment, then raised his head to make eye contact and spokeagain.

“My granddaughter was murdered last year. It was a terrible loss

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to my son and daughter-in-law, as you can imagine. It was a terribleloss to us all. I think I had to employ nearly every muscle you havelisted, but it came to a point where I knew I also had to accept thesituation. There was a lot of anger and a lot of unanswered questions,but after a while the resentment really drains you.”

He explained that acceptance isn’t a one-step process. It is along journey.

“Just when you think it’s all behind you, something surfaces,perhaps a memory, perhaps a news story, and there it is, all back inyour face again. You can try to fight it, but in the end you’ll lose,so acceptance is the only thing that gives your heart peace.”

Acceptance is perhaps the most important muscle of the soul toexercise, particularly with things we have absolutely no control over.

TESTING YOUR SPIRITUAL POTENTIAL: Is there an issue you feelconflicted about that has been draining your energy? Withoutcompromising your integrity, pick an issue that begs for acceptanceand work toward its resolution.

Time to Flex Your MusclesJust as a circle is a universal symbol of wholeness, the butterfly isa symbol of wholeness. The Greek word for butterfly means“soul.” Given the fact that butterflies, unlike the lowly caterpillar,have wings, they are also considered a symbol of transformation.They can rise above what was once considered a limiting existence.There is a story of a boy who, upon seeing a young butterfly tryingto emerge from its chrysalis, tried to help by pulling apart thepaper cocoon that housed the metamorphosis. The boy’s motherquickly stopped him, explaining that the butterfly strengthens itsyoung wings by pushing through the walls of the cocoon. In doingso, its wings become strong enough to allow the creature to fly.When we strengthen our muscles of the soul, we do the same.

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E X E R C I S EThe Human Butterfly

If you were to talk with people who have emerged gracefully from adifficult situation, they would mostly likely tell you that the musclesthey used to break through their barrier(s) included patience,humor, forgiveness, optimism, humbleness, creativity, persistence,courage, willpower, and love. These are the muscles we use to dismantle, circumnavigate, and transcend the roadblocks and theobstacles in life. Like physical muscles, these muscles will neverdisappear; however, they will atrophy with disuse. We are givenample opportunity to exercise these muscles, yet not everyone does.

Using the butterfly illustration on the next page, write in thewings the attributes, inner resources, and muscles of the soul thathelp you get through the tough times—with grace and dignity,rather than feeling victimized. If you wish to include other traitsto augment the health of your human spirit, yet you feel theyaren’t quite there, write them outside the wings, and draw an arrowinto the wings, giving your soul a message that you wish to include(strengthen) these as well. Finally, if you have a box of crayons orpastels, color in the wings of your butterfly. Then hang it up on thefridge or the bathroom mirror—someplace where you can see itregularly, to remind yourself of your spiritual health and yourinnate ability to transcend life’s problems, big and small.

Butterflies need the balance of two wings to fly properly. As LaoTzu correctly observed, balance is an inherent quality found in all ofnature, including the human species, despite our recent ignorance ofit. Like the butterfly, each person requires balance to ensureprogress on the human journey. Not only do many aspects of themind, the body, and the spirit necessitate balance, there are manyways to achieve and maintain balance as well. The muscles of thesoul provide the means to assist you in this process.

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PA R T I I I

Life in the Balance

In every hero’s tale, the hero must first learn to find his orher center of gravity and then master one or more skills toaccomplish the task at hand—skills to regain and sustain asense of balance so that progress can be made to ensure asafe passage home. The Taoist influence suggests thatbehind every weakness is an undiscovered strength, yetevery strength can also become a weakness, if overused.Balance is the key. This part offers an abundance ofinsights, skills, and how-to advice to help you maintain orregain your sense of balance, turn your weaknesses intostrengths, and stand strong against the winds of change asyou progress on your path.

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5

The Human EquinoxSix Ways to Bring

Balance into Your Life

Be humble, for you are made of earth.

Be noble, for you are made of stars.

— S E R B I A N P R O V E R B

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Second to the Mona Lisa, Leonardo da Vinci’s most familiarwork of art is a sketch of a naked man, his arms and legs out-

stretched within the confines of a perfect circle and a square: theVitruvian Man, as it is more commonly known. The configurationof these shapes forms a mandala, and this now-famous icon speaks,both implicitly and explicitly, to the nature of balance. Da Vincidrew this sketch as a representation of what was understood at thetime to be “Divine Proportion,” nature’s ubiquitous architecturalblueprint with a proportion scale that was always equal to themathematical number phi. By inserting the man into a circle, DaVinci also paid homage to the balance of male and female energies,a concept he felt was imperative to the integrity of each individual.

Da Vinci’s sketch of the Vitruvian Man has been studied by amultitude of art historians, and the coded symbol of wholeness thatDa Vinci sketched out, as well as the concept of Divine Proportion,appears to have many layers of meaning. The circle is a universalsymbol of wholeness, where all parts come together to form awhole. The words whole and holy share a common root, and implicitin this symbol is the message that the whole is always greater thanthe sum of the parts. The ageless wisdom of wholeness, as represented by a circle, can be found in nearly all cultures, from the Taoist yin/yang symbol, Stonehenge, Tibetan mandalas, andthe American Indian medicine wheel to the peace symbol, thelabyrinth, and the Christmas wreath. So impressed was ThomasJefferson with the power of the symbolic circle that he designed hishome, Monticello, with this in mind.

If you have ever doubted the depth of your wholeness or the

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T H E H U M A N E QU I N OX 145

idea that you hold the spark of divine essence within your ownbeing, all you need do is look into the mirror (and if no mirror isavailable, look into the face of anyone you meet). Within each eyeis not one, but two, symbols of wholeness: the pupil centered in aremarkably colorful iris, a perpetual reminder that we are indeed asegment of the divinely proportional universe. Perhaps Shakespeareknew more than he let on when he wrote that the “eyes are thewindows of the soul.” Humans are innately whole.

The idea of wholeness can be expressed in many ways, such asinner peace, homeostasis, and balance. The concept of balance, asexplained by Lao Tzu, is as inherent to the human condition as itis in nature itself. Yet in this day of rapid change, it becomes quiteeasy to get knocked off balance. Moreover, by not acknowledgingand consciously integrating the spiritual aspect of our lives, we findequilibrium even harder to maintain.

Balance doesn’t necessarily mean a 50/50 ratio with whateversits on either side of the scale. Rather, it might be proportional toa 60/40 or a 30/70 split. Only you will know, in the scales of yourmind, what the key to balance is each time you find yourself weigh-ing all the factors of your life. Moreover, the complexity of life suggests that the human condition is comprised of not one butrather several hundred sets of scales, with each striving to maintainequilibrium. Not only are these scales delicate, they are extremelycomplex and interconnected. Consider this: one aspect of your life,such as your marriage can be well balanced, yet there may be significant problems at work, which over time may affect yourmarriage. Even when things come to a place of balance, new lifeexperiences and the growing pains that accompany them can onceagain throw things out of whack. The flow of life suggests thatperiods of balance are followed by brief interludes of imbalance.The Taoist scholar Deng Ming-Dao said it best this way, “Nomatter how extreme the situation is, it will change. Natural eventsbalance themselves out by seeking their opposites, and this processof balance is the heart of all healing. Without these slight imbalances,there could be no movement to life.” Therefore, balance isn’t anend to the means, but rather a means unto itself.

Does it seem that under a confluence of stressors, coming backto a point of balance remains ever elusive? For as inherently

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natural as balance may be, the concept of the human equinoxbecomes more like the human paradox when things fail to return toequilibrium. It would be nice if there was a rationale to explain this,if for no other reason than to attempt to correct the situation. Thelack of a simple answer suggests, once again, the complexity of thehuman condition. Ageless wisdom suggests that perpetual imbalanceis the result of a controlling ego that clings to things, rather than letting go. Thus, if we do the math, it becomes clear that the equa-tion of balance involves not just addition but subtraction as well.

The Rules of SubtractionOnce a good friend who was trying to reclaim the balance in herlife told me point-blank that she needed to “edit her life.” Sheexplained that her entire life was just too cluttered; many thingsneeded to be “thrown out,” including some useless relationships.I smiled upon first hearing this explanation, and since that time, Ihave taken a liking to the concept of subtracting by “editing one’slife,” because it speaks to the nature of consciously bringing thingsback into balance. All things being equal, balance is inherent in thehuman condition; however, in this day and age, all things are notequal, hence balance becomes a conscious choice. To some extent,we are still hunters and gatherers, only now we gather everythingfrom knick-knacks and clothes to scores and scores of information.It’s enough to give everyone attention deficit disorder. The rulesof subtraction (like the emptying process) suggest that to find balance,one must release and let go of things on a regular basis.

The following sections highlight six significant aspects of thehuman condition, which only begin to constitute this set of delicatescales that constantly needs our attention and some occasionalfine-tuning (including subtraction), so that our minds and spiritsare clear to make good choices.

1. Work Life Balanced with Personal LifeIn one of my first job interviews after college, I was asked about thelast book I had read for pleasure. I can recall the answer I gave thatday: The Dove, by Robin Lee Graham. It was an autobiography of

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the youngest man (age sixteen) to circumnavigate the globe. I loveto travel, but when my wings are clipped, I like to read about otherpeople’s worldly adventures. Graham’s book gave me a phenomenalround-trip ticket. As it turned out, my future boss had asked thisquestion (and several others) to determine how well rounded I was.It was clear that he wanted to hire someone who had lived a well-balanced life.

Reading books for pleasure isn’t the only indication of a well-balanced life, but it’s a good start. Since I entered the job marketin the early eighties, not only have I seen a dramatic change in theworkplace setting; with few exceptions, I have yet to be asked thatsame question, even among most friends. The most stressful environment I lived in was Washington, D.C., where it was notuncommon to hear people brag (or sometimes whine) about puttingin twelve- to fourteen-hour workdays. Perhaps the saddest comments I heard (on many occasions, no less) were from peoplewho had forfeited their vacation time to show company loyalty,only to be let go several months later in a restructuring effort, withnothing to fall back on. The advice given in the investment tradeis equally important for personal success: diversify your assets. Ifyou see yourself only as your job (or your paycheck) and your jobcrumbles, then all the other dominos in your life will fall as well.

The Art of PrioritiesEvery morning I walk my dog around the lake near my home. Mostdays, relatively few people are up at 6:00 A.M. so the walk typicallybecomes a meditative practice. Every now and then I meet up witha fellow dog lover, and we chitchat for a while. Jack is one such doglover. I came to learn that Jack is newly retired and walks manymiles daily to keep in shape. Several years ago, he suffered a heartattack, which became a wake-up call of sorts that prompted him torearrange the priorities in how he was living his life. His previousmyopic focus on work, before the heart attack, had now become agrand perspective on the true quality-of-life issues.

One day he told me that he found it odd that Americans haveso little vacation time each year (two weeks, if they’re lucky). “TheGermans, the French, the Australians, now they have their prioritiesstraight—they’ve got over a month of vacation time,” he said.

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Jack paused for a moment to observe a blue heron swallow afish, then continued, “I used to be the kind of person who wouldput in a few extra hours each day, trying to get things done. Afterworking nearly three decades, I finally learned something. Nomatter how much work you accomplish in the course of a day, thereis always something more to do. It never ends! When I had thatrealization, I made the habit of leaving for home on time, regardlessof what was still left to do. I became a much happier person becauseof it,” he said.

Strolling through a bookstore one day, my eye caught the clevertitle of a book, Affluenza. Based on a PBS series with the samename, the book described Americans’ addiction to consumerismand the desire to be rich: a disease aptly termed affluenza. Theauthors noted an interesting phenomenon about the etiology ofthis disease. Before the advent of television and well into the firstfew decades of this public utility, people’s view of materialism wasrestricted to the neighborhood or the region in which they lived.“Keeping up with the Joneses” was an expression used to describeenvy of your neighbor’s goods. More recently, though, ads on television have not been the only thing sold during prime time. Ata more subtle, perhaps unconscious, level, what’s being sold is alifestyle, a rich and comfortable lifestyle that exceeds the grasp ofmost middle-class citizens—that is, until the advent of the creditcard. Perhaps you see where this is leading. To keep up with thiselusive lifestyle, we easily rationalize the excuse to work a fewmore hours, and thus the time spent for personal enrichment isgreatly compromised. By the time we get home, there’s no passionto fix dinner, only to order out. After that, there’s just enoughenergy to crawl into bed before the whole process starts all overagain (Groundhog Day revisited).

Let there be no doubt, the Puritan ethic (worth equals work) isalive and well in the Western hemisphere, particularly in theUnited States. As of 2001, Americans have outpaced the Japanesein terms of hours per week worked. Sadly, Americans also outrankall other nations in personal debt and score quite low on the indexof personal happiness. As the expression goes, something doesn’tadd up here.

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Why do people spend so much time at work? There may beseveral reasons, but, for the most part, people identify with theirwork. First and foremost, they see themselves as their job, more sothan any other relationship. In fact, it’s not uncommon when people first meet to ask each other, “What do you do for a living?”as if their jobs are everything and nothing else really seems tomatter. Personally, I prefer the question “What is your life’s passion?”Initially, you may get some strange looks with this question, but theanswers prove to be a lot more interesting.

Is there an imbalance between your professional life and yourpersonal life? If the answer is yes, consider yourself in good company. Perhaps a more pertinent question is “Do you have alife?” Judging from the conversations I hear, most people claim notto. Instead, they insist their lives are nothing more than a fewrecurring panels from a Dilbert or a Cathy cartoon strip. Creatinga balance between one’s professional life and one’s personal lifebegins with identifying and honoring clear boundaries in terms ofwork hours, as well as cultivating the aspects of your personal lifethat crave attention.

E X E R C I S EThe Call to Balance

One reason why people’s personal lives are often eclipsed by theirprofessional careers is that many aspects of the personal life are notwell defined. If your personal life has been neglected so long thatyou’re not sure where to begin, try asking yourself one of the following questions: What would I do for work if my professiondidn’t exist? What would I do tonight if watching television wasn’tan option? What would I do if I were only seventeen years old?What would I do right now if I lived a hundred years ago or a hundred years from now? Whom can I invite over for a spontaneouspotluck dinner tonight? What are the top three countries I wouldlike to visit on my next vacation? Do I have a passport, and if so,is it still valid? What musical instrument would I like to learn toplay? Currently, what are my top three hobbies, and when was thelast time I was actively engaged in any one of them?

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Once you have defined various aspects of your personal lifethat you wish to devote more time to, then comes the task ofenforcing clear boundaries at work, so that you have a better chanceof achieving your personal goals. Referring back to da Vinci’s sketch,think of the circle that surrounds the Vitruvian Man as a cell membrane, a necessary boundary that regulates and balances ourinternal and external worlds. How good is the circle that separatesand regulates your two worlds. Is it too porous? Remember, it isoften fear that motivates a person to work extra hours or to ration-alize bringing work home. Finding balance between work andhome also requires letting go of the fear that you are solely yourjob or your paycheck.

On a final note, as a graduation present to his son who washeading off to college, H. Jackson Brown Jr. wrote him a bookcalled Life’s Little Instruction Book. Among the many pearls of wisdomfound within the covers is this gem: “Get your priorities straight.No one ever said on his death bed, ‘Gee, if I’d only spent moretime at the office.’” We would all do well to follow this advice.

2. Freedom Balanced with DisciplineOf the many great insights shared in Victor Frankl’s classic bookMan’s Search for Meaning, I was taken by his keen observationregarding the imbalance of American values. In the course of hiscareer as a psychologist, Frankl made frequent trips to the UnitedStates until his death in 1997. Here, he gathered these insights.

Freedom, expressed as liberty, is one of the most famous linesquoted in the Declaration of Independence (“life, liberty and thepursuit of happiness”). It is also the hallmark of the Bill of Rights.Freedom is undoubtedly one of the most precious gifts bestowedon humanity. Freedom, however, is one face of a two-sided coin.The other side, which rarely sees the light of day, is responsibility.

Frankl noted that one of his earliest fond memories of comingto the United States was of viewing the Statue of Liberty: thequintessential symbol of freedom. Noting that freedom andresponsibility go hand in hand, he tossed out a suggestion that perhaps what this country needed for moral balance is a “Statue of Responsibility” on the West Coast (he even hinted that the

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San Francisco Bay area would be a nice location). To the best ofmy knowledge, no one has taken him up on the suggestion. Moreimportant is the ever-growing abyss between these two values,since his book was first published in 1959.

It is often said that responsibility is the ability to respond.Although responsibility and discipline are not the same thing, it’sfair to say that responsibility requires discipline—in fact, greatdiscipline. It takes discipline to practice the piano or the guitar, justas it requires discipline to empty the trash or mow the lawn whenyou would really rather do something else. Discipline also requireswillpower, a skill we all have within us, but one that is often under-utilized. Moreover, both responsibility and discipline involve ahigher level of consciousness than that of merely reacting to thesituation at hand. If you look around, you’ll notice that there area lot of knee-jerk reactions to problems that require a higher levelof consciousness. Freedom, in and of itself, necessitates calculatedrestraint; in this case, the restraint is discipline.

There is an old joke about a young man walking the streets ofNew York City, with a violin case under his arm. After failing to findthe desired address on his own, he stops and asks the first person hesees for directions. “How do I get to Carnegie Hall?” he inquires.

Without blinking an eye, the other man replies, “Practice, mydear man, practice.” Discipline is a skill that requires lots and lotsof practice. To be sure, mistakes will be made at the initial stage oflearning any skill, until the wisdom of experience begins to guideone’s conscience. Yet to make mistakes, one has to practice.

We live in a dominant culture that is strong on freedom, yetweak on responsibility and perhaps weaker still on discipline.These two values are tested every time we go shopping, sit downto eat, sit in front of the television, surf on the Internet, or orderdrinks at happy hour. Like opposite sides of the yin/yang symbol,freedom and responsibility balance each other; yet when disciplineis eclipsed by freedom, problems are bound to ensue.

An old adage states, “Control without power is stifling; powerwithout control is reckless.” It could as easily have stated, “Disciplinewithout freedom is suffocating; freedom without discipline is irre-sponsible.” In his book Power vs. Force, David Hawkins shares his

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insights from years of research on the nuances of energy patternscreated by our ego that ultimately determine our behavior. There-fore, the first step toward acquiring discipline is to control the ego,which typically uses force against the power of the mind itself.

How, exactly, is discipline implemented? Here are some examples.Discipline is the commitment to get up a half hour early to meditate or go for a quiet walk. Discipline is the self-imposedlimit of watching 60 Minutes and then turning off the television forthe night. Discipline means refraining from swearing in casualconversation. Discipline means having the willpower to stay homeand cook dinner, rather than eating out and charging the expenseson a credit card. Ultimately, discipline means reclaiming your personal sovereignty. This takes work, but it’s not impossible.

It’s easy to lose sight of the fact that freedom is a privilege in aworld where many people still have little or no freedom. The practice of discipline is a healthy reminder not to take freedom forgranted. While it is important to live in the present moment, discipline throws a cautionary glance toward the future, ensuringthat our ability to engage in life freely is not compromised.

As we mature, we learn that life is not a hundred-meter sprint.If anything, the human journey is an ultra-endurance event thatincludes a well-measured amount of pacing. Pacing requires discipline, so that we don’t shoot our wad of energy too quickly andburn out. Burnout is often thought of as “being overworked,” butburnout can also occur as a result of unbridled freedom. There isa lot of burnout today. The consequences of too much liberty canshow up months or years later, as a serious illness or a chronic disease. Once again referring to da Vinci’s sketch, in this case, theVitruvian Man is lying facedown in the circle, passed out.

E X E R C I S EHealthy Boundaries

The real issue behind the balance of freedom and discipline is, onceagain, healthy boundaries. By and large, people today have veryinadequate personal boundaries. Ask yourself this: what areas ofyour life are loaded with freedom, yet lack the restraint of

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discipline? List them here. Once you have identified at least threeareas, consider what changes you can make to bring these threeaspects back into balance.

POOR BOUNDARIES WAYS TO IMPROVE YOUR BOUNDARIES

1. ______________ ____________________________

2. ______________ ____________________________

3. ______________ ____________________________

3. Mental Stimulation Balanced with QuietnessFrom the moment we wake up each morning until the second wefall asleep each night, like a thirsty sponge, we are rapidly absorbinginformation through our five senses. Some estimates suggest thatas many as forty thousand bits of information are processedthrough each person’s brain every day. This is likely a conservativeestimate. Most of the information, about 70 percent, comes intothe brain from our eyes. Our sense of sound pulls in another 20 percent, and at any given point, the remaining 10 percent fluctuates among the remaining three senses: taste, touch, andsmell. In the course of our normal waking hours, our brain is inun-dated with sensory information, sometimes to the point that wecannot think straight. This phenomenon was once described as“sensory overload.” Today, coupled with the skill of multitasking,it’s called “mental fatigue” or simply “burnout.”

These days, voices from the adjoining work cubicles crying,“Too much information,” are quite valid. If predictions from futur-ists are to be believed, then fasten your seat belt, because the paceof change, expressed through information decimation, is approach-ing warp speed. Given this fact, we have a couple of choices: eitherwe can strap ourselves in for a light-speed ride, as we are hurledthrough a packed universe of information, or we can periodicallyexit the turnpike of broadband sensory stimulation and give ourminds a much-needed rest. Balance, through inner peace, isachieved quite simply by temporarily turning off the five senses toquiet the mind. Because our society does not encourage us to doso, most people are not aware that they have this option, but they

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do. At the risk of becoming roadkill on the information super-highway, it behooves you to periodically unplug from the worldand take the time to calm the waters of your mind—in essence, toreconnect to your deepest self, which quietly begs for attention.Practice the art of centering, a topic that was covered in detail inchapter 3.

Despite advances in civilization since the time of ReneDescartes and the European Renaissance, there is still a division ofunderstanding regarding the mind and the brain. Hard-core scientists are committed to the paradigm that the mind is merelya consequence of brain physiology, with a host of neurochemicalsresponsible for each and every thought and feeling. Advances in thestudy of consciousness (discussed in chapter 3), however, revealthat the mind and consciousness are independent of the brain.The mind simply uses the brain as its primary organ of choice, andthe latest developments suggest that every cell in your body hasconsciousness, too. Regardless which side of the fence you sit onwith this issue, everyone agrees that too much sensory stimulationleads to poor concentration, mental fatigue, poor decision making,and poor communication skills, all of which promote stress. With-out frequent pauses, this becomes a never-ending cycle of burnout.

Using an apt metaphor, the mind is like a radio receiver, witheach of the five senses acting like specific radio stations on the dial.Too much information entering the brain becomes nothing lessthan mental static, which, under the best conditions, distorts ourthinking abilities. Under the worst conditions, it can compromiseour best thoughts and behaviors. At these times, you can hear JayLeno’s voice in the back of your head, saying, “What were youthinking?”

To seek balance between the world of information at the peakof the information age and the calm world of inner peace, we needto enter the world of stillness with regularity (e.g., every day).Again, creating healthy boundaries, combined with having the willto enforce these boundaries, comes into play. Quietness requiressetting aside a small block of time each day to unplug from thehigh-tech world. This means turning off the television, the radio,the stereo, the cell phone, and the computer. In doing so, pleaserealize that for five or ten minutes, the world is not going to come

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to an end without you. Taking time to quiet the mind (throughmeditation, centering, or just sitting) is analogous to deleting olde-mails from your computer, thus allowing more space for incom-ing information. If you have ever let your e-mails accumulate, youknow that at some point, the mailbox reaches maximum capacity.

The Art of Empty SpacesNot long ago, the Taoist concept of empty space became a topicof discussion with a friend of mine. Over lunch, Kelly explained anidea that he was working on, with regard to an engineering project.“I call this the Theory of Complementary Space,” he said. “People think that space has to be filled, but the truth of the matteris that empty space is important. Take a sculpture, for example. Thespaces of the eyes are usually empty, to make them look more real.Empty space is the yin of the yin/yang. As an engineer, the conceptof empty space is rarely considered, but the implications go farbeyond art or engineering, they run the gamut for all of life.”

In terms of mental stability, the implications for empty space areobvious; without a clear space for new thoughts and ideas, themind shows signs of fatigue and stress. Let there be no mistake,sensory stimulation is enticing. In fact, for a great many people it’saddictive. (How many times a day do you check your e-mail? Doyou turn the TV on the instant you come home?) Sociologists havealso noted that technology offers an illusion, of sorts. While you mayfeel like you are more connected to the world, in truth, the relianceon technology has the tendency to sow the seeds of alienation. Alienation has long been recognized as another symptom of stress(specifically, depression). Making the time in each day for emptyor complementary space is essential for health and well-being.The wisdom of empty space reinforces the concept of subtraction,rather than addition, as the means to achieve balance.

4. Right-Brain Thinking Balanced with Left-Brain ThinkingSeveral years ago I attended a creativity workshop for educators.After introducing herself and the concept of creativity to the audience, the speaker reviewed the concepts of right-brain and left-brain thinking processes by first writing down left-brain skills

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on one side of a flip chart. Then she added the correspondingright-brain skills across the vertical line that symbolically separatedthe two cerebral hemispheres. As she was writing this, the personsitting next to me said under her breath, “The left side is howAmericans think; the right side is how Asians see the world.”Within a few moments, I heard the person on my other side mention that the left side represented the conscious mind, whilethe right side represented the unconscious mind. Clearly, the information being shared that day wore many faces. In fact, bothcomments that I heard are quite accurate.

Since the compelling data presented by the Nobel LaureateRoger Sperry several decades ago on split-brain research, it hascome to light that each hemisphere of the brain is indeed giftedwith a host of specific talents. The left hemisphere is well versedin logical, analytical, rational, linear, and judgmental thinking,while the right hemisphere has become renowned for its abilitiesof intuition, nonlinear thinking, global awareness, imagination,and acceptance. Neither side of the brain holds a monopoly onintelligence, and each side needs the other to complete the fullrealm of consciousness. The combined package of these twomasses of gray matter is nothing less than astonishing, and it hasyet to be equaled by the most sophisticated computer technology.

Using only one side of your brain is akin to sleepwalking. Perhapsyou know people like this. They are clueless! Although someAmericans are not left-brain dominant, it is fair to say that mostof them are. As a nation, first and foremost we are very judgmental,analytical, and rational thinkers. By and large, our whole educationsystem is built on the foundation of left-brain critical-thinkingskills. Furthermore, under conditions of chronic stress, the lefthemisphere of the brain is the side that’s most active. Virtually allof the mental processing skills of the left brain are highly utilizedin a state of stress, if for no other reason than for physical survival.Given that these same skills are crucial in times of fight or flight,this can only be a good thing. The problem, however, arises whenthe modus operandi of chronic stress becomes the dominant modeof thinking, rather than the exception. Over time, chronic stressconditions cause the left brain to become muscle-bound, while the

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much-needed right-brain skills atrophy due to neglect. In simpleterms, we never think outside “the box.”

The creative process is a great example of utilizing the skills ofboth the right and the left hemispheres of the brain. Creativity is asystematic process of imagination (ideas) and logistical organization(making the best ideas become reality). Many people have incredibleideas but lack the ability to make them happen. Conversely, farmore people can make things happen but lack the ingenuity tocome up with original ideas. Both skills are housed under the roofof the same brain, meaning that we have access to both hemispheresto help us with creative problem solving. We just need to cultivateand use them.

Like the attempt to cut open the goose that laid the golden egg,the topic of creativity has undergone much investigation over thelast twenty-five years. Unlike the goose, though, the creativeprocess wasn’t killed; it was enhanced. My favorite work is that ofRoger von Oech, whose books include A Whack on the Side of theHead and A Kick in the Seat of the Pants. In no uncertain terms, thecreative process begins in the right hemisphere. Here, ideas areformulated, then incubated, giving birth to a whole host of possi-bilities. Once all the possibilities have been brought to the table forconsideration, the left hemisphere of the brain steps in, first judgingall the ideas for the best outcome and then championing the causeto make the best idea come to fruition. The danger arises whenthese specific steps of the creative process are reshuffled by the ego,so that judgment takes place before all the ideas are assembled.This course of action always leads to disaster. Although judgment isa crucial part of creativity, as often happens, it can lead to disasterwhen it initiates the creative process. In the words of the Frenchphilosopher Emile Chartier, “Nothing is more dangerous than anidea when it’s the only one you have.”

The Art of CreativityThere are several ways to engage the right side of the brain, to firstinitiate and then achieve a greater sense of cerebral homeostasis.Listening to instrumental music is one example (e.g., the MozartEffect). Using your nondominant hand for a day is another (e.g., trymoving the computer mouse and the pad to the opposite side of your

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keyboard. Once you get past the frustration of relearning this skill,it becomes fun). Flexing the muscles of the right hemisphere notonly means thinking outside “the box”; it means learning to becomfortable roaming outside the box for days on end.

If you are looking for inspiration to step outside the box, lookno further than the creator of the Vitruvian Man himself: Mr. Leonardo da Vinci. That’s what Michael Gelb did. He was soimpressed with the workings of da Vinci’s mind, he wrote a bookto help everyone think like the quintessential Renaissance man. InHow to Think Like da Vinci, which outlines seven steps to unifying thepowers of both hemispheres, Gelb writes, “You are gifted with virtually unlimited potential for learning and creativity.” He’s right.

Creativity and humor often go hand in hand, as anyone whoglances at the supermarket tabloids knows. I don’t know if da Vincihad a sense of humor, but a friend of mine who read the book did.When he was stopped by a policeman for speeding, the officer said,“Man, I’ve been waiting all day for you.”

Doing his best to think like da Vinci, my friend answered, “Hey,I got here as fast as I could.” Hearing that response, the officerlaughed so hard, he only issued a warning.

In these turbulent times, I see creativity and the creative processas essential for both personal stress and global crises. I am not alonein this mind-set. Nearly six decades ago, during the stressful eventsof World War II, Einstein said, “Creativity is more powerful thanknowledge.” Ever the pacifist, he also said, “No problem can besolved from the same consciousness that created it,” meaning thatwe need to step outside the box of dominant thinking and explorenew options. Given the rapid changes in the world today and howeach life is affected by change, his insightful words are as significantnow as they were when he first spoke them half a century ago.

5. Technology Balanced with NatureIf you are old enough to have watched the original episodes of Star Trek in the sixties, then perhaps you are also old enough toremember a host of magazine articles and television documentariesregarding the future of technology and the promise it held formore leisure time. Remember those claims? If you do, you’re prob-

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ably smirking right now, because if you are like most people, you probably have less leisure time, not more of it.

It’s true; the advances in technology over the last three decadesare nothing less than astonishing. And while they might not haveincreased the hours of leisure per week, it would appear, on the surface, that they have definitely made some aspects of life moreconvenient, with inventions such as word processors (remembertypewriters?), CD players (vinyl used to scratch easily), electronicgarage door openers, photocopiers, and even laser surgery. Whatis good for short-term convenience, however, is not always goodfor long-term health and well-being. Through our love affair withtechnology, we have grown fat, lazy, and out of touch with the natural world, with which we are inextricably linked.

Up until about a hundred years ago, the average person wasquite intimately linked to the natural world. Family farms and gar-dens produced well over half of people’s dietary intake. Sadly, todaymost people don’t even go outside enough to get adequate amountsof natural sunlight. Moreover, most people have lost a healthy rela-tionship with the food they eat. Rather than picking fruit off treesor plucking vegetables from the ground, we now grab boxes ofprocessed foods, infused with preservatives and chemicals, off thegrocery shelf, not even knowing the product’s original source. Withthe horrendous state of processed food today, saying grace before ameal takes on a whole new meaning. Currently, estimates suggestthat most processed food is transported over 1,500 miles from itspoint of origin to the final destination: to your local grocery store.This is a far cry from your backyard garden or the nearest local farm.

In and of itself, technology is not bad. Ultimately, it is the useof technology that can have good or bad consequences. Sociologistswho keep their fingers on the pulse of humanity confide that thehuman heart is approaching tachycardia with not only the prolif-eration but also the constant use of microchip gadgets. Things arebecoming so out of balance that the Vitruvian Man, with throbbingtemples, is standing on his head. This is not to say that you shouldrenounce the high-tech world and become Amish (although somepeople think this is not a bad idea). What it does mean is that youneed to learn to use technology to help run your life, not run it foryou.

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The Art of Star GazingSeveral years ago I picked up a book titled Handbook for the Soul, acollection of essays written by several contemporary luminaries inthe field of psychology. Each author was asked to share his or herthoughts on the soul-growth process. Perhaps it’s no surprise thatthe majority of contributors made reference to the importance oftaking time to reconnect with nature: walks in the woods, strollingthrough a park, gazing at the stars, sitting on the beach, workingin the garden, or strolling in a primeval forest. Moreover, natureholds a special sacredness that man cannot replicate but can only appreciate. Ageless wisdom reminds us that reconnecting tonature is essential to the health of the human spirit; after all, we areearthlings, not techlings.

At the onset, immersing yourself in nature does two things.First, when you step outside and look around, you cannot help butbe aware of the wonders of creation, the varieties of species, themajesty of the mountains, and the vastness of the ocean. When youstop to think about it, nature is simply amazing! No matter howgreat virtual technology is, it will never equal the simplicity, thecomplexity, or the beauty of the natural world. Nor will a steadydiet of the Discovery Channel or Animal Planet equal quality timeoutdoors. Second, reconnecting with nature gives us a powerfulsense of perspective and of our humble, yet essential, place in theworld. All problems are reduced to their correct proportion. Furthermore, if we look close enough, we are reminded of the balance of nature and the flow of earth’s seasons. With this comesa subtle promise that no matter how bad any situation is, it, too,shall pass.

Being in balance with nature means more than mowing the lawnor planting flowers in your garden each spring. It means recognizingthat you are a part of the natural environment, not separate fromit, and it is a part of you. Research in the field of circadian rhythmsreveals that like the earth itself, our bodies operate on a twenty-four-to-twenty-five-hour clock. Our physiology is genetically programmed to the earth, the sun, and the moon. We cannot denythis. Nature isn’t something to dominate or ignore. Rather, it is adynamic force with which to connect. Reconnecting with natureincludes everything from getting out in the woods (preferably,

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without the cell phone) as often as possible, to knowing what phasethe moon is in at any given time of the month. In essence, it meansliving in rhythm with the seasons.

For thousands of years, humans lived in balance with nature.Sadly, today many people have lost this vital connection. We nowknow that inadequate amounts of sunlight affect not only mood butcholesterol levels and bone density as well. Nowadays, peoplearmed with sunscreen and bug repellent seem afraid to be innature. It doesn’t have to be this way. Finding a balance betweentechnology and nature comes down to learning to pace yourself.This means taking time to unplug from the computers, the cellphones, and so on, and spend adequate periods of time in the beautiful world of nature.

6. Ego Balanced with SoulI turned on the radio one day to catch the last few minutes ofNPR’s New Dimensions program and heard the show’s guest speak about various aspects of human potential. She posed a finalquestion to the listening audience: “Is the strength of your egosuperior to the will of your soul?” This profound inquiry speaks of the perpetual need to balance the ego and the soul, two intan-gible constructs of the human condition that are rarely in equilib-rium.

Rest assured, behind every unresolved personal drama lies anoveractive ego trying to control, manipulate, or dominate whateverit can. Many failed marriages are like this. Take a look at newsheadlines on any given day, and whether it’s politics, sports, orentertainment, you can see just how pervasive (individually or collectively) the strength of the ego really is. Ironically, it is the egothat signals the stress alarm in times of physical danger, yet the egopulls the alarm for nonphysical dangers as well. On the surface, itseems that we are a little too tightly wired for stress. Perhaps this“mis-wiring” is a genetic flaw in the DNA’s code (a theory I am stillworking on). Be that as it may, what is designed as a means of protection often sabotages our highest potential.

Freud’s theory of the ego has withstood the test of time. Perhapshe became a bit jaded by his clientele in that era, because his view of

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humanity was anything but optimistic. He was of the opinion thatthe ego operates continuously below the radar of the consciousmind, controlling all aspects of behavior through the use of denial,rationalization, and other ploys. The ego, he postulated, holds thepotential to undermine any given situation. Usually, it does.

Long before Freud coined the term ego, the bodyguard for thesoul was referred to as the “little self” or the “false self” by a hostof indigenous global cultures. Conversely, the big “Self” or the“true self” was the name given to the essential sacred aspect of eachindividual (what we might commonly call the soul). Like a cat ora dog that must first be house-trained before being allowed toroam freely indoors, we, too, must domesticate the ego or run therisk of finding poop all over the place. Domesticating the egoinvolves a conscious effort to serve, not be served; to offer protection,but surrender control. Curbing the ego means finding humor inself-deprecating moments without compromising our self-esteem.Surrendering the ego means really appreciating all the things wehave, rather than becoming envious about the things we don’t.Ultimately, domesticating the ego means making a transition inconsciousness, from a motivation of fear to a motivation of love andaltruism. This is no small task, but it’s not impossible. Balancingthe ego with the soul also means knowing when to use the strengthof self-reliance and when to ask for divine guidance.

If for no other reason, the ego is essential for survival as themeans to trigger the fight-or-flight response for physical stressors.At its most rudimentary level, the ego is the bodyguard for the soul,to serve in the role of protector. The problem comes when thebodyguard forgets its primary position, eclipsing the soul’s splendor,to dictate a policy of human behavior. A big ego is yet anotherexpression of an imbalance between the ego and the soul. Whenthis happens, the only thing that can be seen in the Vitruvian Mansketch is a large head. It fills the entire circle! Remember that theego’s primary job is to ring the bell for fight or flight when thereis physical danger.

Regardless of whether we are overly impatient, arrogant, insecure, or rude, each of these characteristics (and many more)describes the ego being stuck in the stress response, acting out of

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fear. A good soul-searching habit to get into, to cultivate yourconscience, is to ask yourself in every situation, “Am I comingfrom a place of fear or compassion with this decision?” Remember,the ego reacts; the soul responds. Moreover, true soul-searchingrequires that we not only look at our soul-growth process, but wealso scrutinize the role that the ego plays in either inhibiting orsupporting our highest potential. A large part of soul-searchingrequires ego watching. A previously mentioned Serbian proverbbears repeating, as it speaks to this delicate balance: “Be humble,for you are made of earth; be noble, for you are made of stars.”

Domesticating the EgoA wonderful story has been passed down through the wisdom of theCherokee Indian culture regarding the imbalance of the ego andthe soul. It goes like this: One day the grandfather of an adolescentboy caught him stealing from another boy. The grandfather askedwhy he had done this, but the grandson refused to answer. Thegrandfather inquired again, but this time he asked the boy why fearhad entered his heart to commit this act.

“I am not afraid of anything,” the boy replied defiantly. “Surely, you must be,” the grandfather said, “for stealing and

lying are the hands of fear’s work.” The boy looked at his grand-father and began to wipe away tears that had welled up in his eyes.The man pulled his grandson onto his lap and drew a sketch of awolf in the sand.

“The wolf is a mighty animal. Each person holds the essence ofnot one, but two wolves inside him. The first wolf is the spirit ofcompassion, exhibited through faith, humility, kindness, honesty,peace, forgiveness, patience, and love. The second wolf survives onfear, envy, anger, resentment, arrogance, and greed. There is aninherent tension between these two spirits. These wolves fightdaily within the heart of every man, including yours,” the old manexplained.

“Grandfather, which wolf will win the fight?” the boy askednervously.

“The wolf that wins the fight is the one that you feed,” he replied.This story begs the question, which side do we favor,

consciously or unconsciously? Which wolf do we feed? Many of us

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unwillingly feed the ego with fear-based scraps from our thoughtsand actions, never realizing just how powerful this wolf has becomeuntil it leaves a path of destruction.

The Human Equinox RealizedHow does one create balance between the ego and the soul? Perhapswe need look no further than the sage advice of St. Francis ofAssisi. Each of his suggestions guides us to shift our consciousnessfrom a motivation of fear to the inspiration of love and compassion.It takes a conscious effort to do this. If you ask any wisdom keeperor almost anyone who has had a near-death experience, the individual will tell you that above all else, this is the reason we arehere: to love and be loved.

Following is an adaptation of St. Francis’s timeless suggestionsfor becoming an instrument of peace.

Where there are weeds of hatred in your heart, instead sow theseeds of compassion,

Where there is injury in your heart, express forgiveness first toyourself, then others,

Where there is doubt and fear in the unknown, demonstrate faiththat you are never alone,

Where there is despair in future events, learn to express hope inyour own potential,

Where there is intolerance toward others, extend the hand ofpatience and sympathy,

Where there is apathy in your spirit, learn to cultivate and expressinspiration,

And where there is undue sadness and grief in your heart, rememberthe joy in simple pleasures.

Once the legendary actress Audrey Hepburn was asked if shewould share what she considered to be her secrets for lifelongbeauty. Her favorite reply was a passage written by her close friendSam Levenson. This text contains the secret to achieving balance

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between the ego and the soul. As a tribute to his mother, Audrey’sson, Sean Hepburn Ferrer, recited this passage at her memorialservice on January 21, 1993.

BEAUTY POEM

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness. For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry. For beautiful hair, let a child run his fingers through it oncea day. For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walkalone. We leave you a tradition with a future. The tender lovingcare of human beings will never become obsolete. People,even more than things, have to be restored, renewed,revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will findone at the end of each of your arms. As you grow older, you will discover that you have twohands: one for helping yourself, and the other for helpingothers.

Many people consider the delicate balance between the egoand the soul to be the foundation upon which all other aspects ofthe human condition rest, suggesting that this is one area of life thatneeds constant attention. Some say that the real Hero’s Journey isthe struggle between the ego and the soul. Just as the soul cannotand should not be neglected, neither can the human spirit, the lifeforce of energy that feeds both the ego and the soul. Every goodstress-management program begins by honoring the health of thehuman spirit.

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6

The Health of the Human Spirit

Twenty-one Strategies for Letting Go of Stress

To know and not to do

is not to know!

— A N O N Y M O U S

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A Healthy Spirit Means Letting the Chi Flow

While I was lying on the massage table, the acupuncturist, MaryEllen, reached for my wrist to read my pulse, then she carefullyplaced a tiny needle in my chest on the acupuncture point knownas the “spirit storehouse.” The practice of acupuncture dates backseveral thousand years to ancient China. The overall premise is torestore balance to the body’s flow of chi. It’s very likely that Lao Tzuwas treated in much the same way I was, perhaps at one time evenon the same acupunture point. Eastern culture describes the lifeforce of universal energy as chi, as honored in the practice of tai chi.It is also known as qi, as in qi gong; or ki, as in Reiki or aikido. Inother parts of Asia it is known as pranayama, and in the West wemight associate this with a divine essence of the human spirit.

Chi circulates around and permeates through the body in riversof energy known as meridians. In classical acupuncture, a holisticapproach based on the concept of five elements suggests that unresolved thoughts and emotions (stress) can block or congest theflow of energy. The human spirit is also composed of free-flowingenergy and like chi, it, too, can be blocked by stress—specifically,by prolonged issues of anger and fear. Left unresolved, anger, fear,and all emotions associated with them can literally choke thehuman spirit. My gaze shifted from the tiny needle in my chest toa cute Chinese proverb that Mary Ellen had framed on the wallbehind her desk. Addressing the nature of assertiveness and thesubtle aspect of chi, it read: “That birds fly overhead, this you can-not stop. That birds build a nest in your hair, this you can prevent.”Regardless of Eastern or Western philosophy, this tenet of agelesswisdom reveals that to stay vibrant, our river of energy, called the

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human spirit, must continually move freely, unobstructed by therocks of human emotions.

As I drove home from my appointment in time to prepare fora radio interview, this metaphor came to mind: every effectivetechnique for stress management, like an acupuncture needle, is ameans to allow a clear flow of energy through mind, body, andspirit.

The voice over the phone was tense. On the other end of theline was a radio talk show host. “Okay, good, we got him,” he said,as he patched me through to the studio. I was about to speak to anational audience from my living room, and I caught myself marveling at the technology in communications. The connection onthe other end was so clear, you would have thought I was sitting inthe studio a thousand miles away. “This interview could not havecome at a better time,” the show’s host said, panting. “I have hadthe worst day of my life. Okay, we’re on in thirty seconds.”

I was a guest on the Northern Lights show, and the whole hourwas dedicated to the topic of stress. Typically, with an hour-longformat, the talk show host begins by building up interest withintroductions and stories, leaving the “how to” information for thelast segment. The purpose, of course, is to keep listeners tuned forthe whole show. This was not to be the case tonight. The hostjumped right to the meat of the interview with the very first question: “Dr. Seaward, what is the best way to deal with stress?”

I was ready, because this is the most commonly asked questionI hear today. However, I always pause first when I hear the question, because I know that many people are looking for a quicksolution to a very difficult situation or perhaps a simple answer toa confluence of stressful moments. Unfortunately, there is no onesimple answer. There are, however, countless viable options,proactive steps we can take to strengthen our personal integrity.Each option, each strategy in this chapter is designed to do onething: bring you back to a sense of balance and, in doing so, restorea sense of inner peace.

The simple truth is that there are hundreds of ways to dealeffectively with stress, all of which honor the ageless wisdom of ahealthy, vibrant spirit. Some strategies deal specifically with attitudes, while others are more action-oriented. Some techniques

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focus on the mind; other skills are directed toward the emotions,the body, or the health of the human spirit itself. Every techniqueaddresses the aspect of balance, self-renewal, and harmony of life.All of these strategies have great potential, but the secret of successis to see each strategy as a means to keep the energy of your lifeforce moving evenly, not getting blocked, congested, or distortedby the ploys of the ego. As you read through this list, consider themall, but focus your attention on a select few to see which onesmight work best for you. As you read through this collection ofideas, many of which you have probably heard before, take amoment to experience each strategy a couple of times and see if there is a good match. Once you find a good fit, the next step isto incorporate these strategies as part of your daily or weekly routine.

These suggestions, based on content from the previous chapters,invite you to change or modify any behaviors that you feel promotestress and replace them with behaviors that not only return you toa point of balance but enhance your highest human potential aswell. As a rule, most people choose not to change their thoughts,attitudes, beliefs, or behaviors until they have hit rock bottom andare forced to take a different course of action. Remember, avoidanceis the number-one ineffective coping technique for stress. So, inthese times of turbulent change, sage advice is a course of prevention:a personal strategy to change your course before you come closeto hitting any rocks. The suggestions in this chapter are the spiritualequivalent of feng shu’ing your house. At the end of each strategyis a suggested action plan to help you incorporate this skill intoyour lifestyle.

Coping skills are like any other skills. If they are to serve youwell, you must engage in them many times until you becomeextremely proficient. Practicing these skills is just that: practice.Practice alone, however, is not enough. Once you feel a sense ofproficiency, you must employ these skills in the hour of need.Walking the path of the Tao is not an exercise in perfection.Rather, it is a collection of experiences that culminates in a greaterappreciation of life. Appreciation comes with experience. To repeatanother bit of sage advice, “To know and not to do is not to know!”

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1. A Bird’s Eye View: Keeping Everything in Perspective

A popular adage says, “I felt bad because I had no shoes until I meta man who had no feet.” No matter how bad our troubles may be,there is always someone who has it worse. In essence, Einstein wasright; everything is relative. When we become stressed, it is veryeasy to lose perspective, particularly to keep in mind how good wereally have it. Our view of life can become rather myopic, as mentioned earlier—a fact that has not gone unnoticed amongoptometrists. The implications of limited sight go well beyond themetaphorical aspects of “vision” to the literal aspects of vision.

A few days after the terrorist attacks in New York and Washington, D.C., when the shock of what had happened beganto wear off, the dust had settled, and people were trying really hardto get back into a routine of sorts, I heard several people share theirpersonal dramas. Within seconds of explaining their personal strife,they paused, then caught themselves and added that in comparisonwith the terrorists’ victims and the victims’ families, they actuallyhad it pretty darn good. How easy it is to lose perspective. Here isanother story that I often share about the importance of perspective.

In my office I have a large poster of the Milky Way Galaxy.Toward the end of one of the spirals of stars and planets is a tiny yellow arrow, with a small sign that reads: YOU ARE HERE. The posteris an obvious reminder to keep things in perspective. A studentnamed Susan gave me this poster several years ago. Whenever I talkabout ways to cope with stress, I always emphasize the importanceof keeping things in perspective. Perspective is one of the hallmarkthemes of stress-management wisdom, and that poster offers a symbol of great wisdom. Some of my best teachers are my students.Susan was one such teacher.

To describe Susan as a worrywart was no exaggeration. In hermind, simple everyday issues became neurotic obsessions. To otherpeople, small problems are typically viewed as molehills, yet toSusan, every concern became one more mountain to traverse in theHimalayan range. From rush hour traffic and the lack of availableparking spaces to unanswered voice-mail messages and missedbreakfasts, her petty fears obscured her view of the bigger picture

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of life—specifically, the joys and the smiles that also constitute thebalance of life’s journey.

One day while shopping in downtown Chicago, Susan met ahigh school friend, now in a wheelchair, crippled from a devastat-ing car accident. The ensuing conversation felt like a wet towelacross Susan’s face—a shocking revelation that quickly broughtperspective to her own life. All of a sudden, the problems she carried with her faded away. In their place she began to storethoughts of gratitude, compassion, and faith. Later that day, shecame across the poster of the Milky Way Galaxy. She bought two.The first one she had framed and hung in her office. The secondshe gave to me. Some of life’s best lessons may be introduced in theclassroom, but the real learning occurs in everyday life situations.

ACTION PLAN 1: When you find yourself focusing on the fore-ground of an issue, a problem, or a crisis, make a habit of taking astep back (detaching) and pausing to look at the big picture. Perspective helps us to keep things in balance.

2. Flexing the Funny Bone: Comic ReliefOne afternoon a friend in Boulder invited me out to dinner. Johnworked as a ski instructor in the winter and was a self-proclaimedDirtbag Executive the rest of the year. If there was one thing Johnhad, it was an eye for bargains. He had invited some friends to get together for an all-you-can-eat spaghetti dinner that a localrestaurant hosted every third Wednesday of the month. As I recall,I was not in the best of moods that night and almost stayed home.I am so glad I didn’t. By the time I showed up, eleven guys weresitting down at a huge table. I pulled up a chair, and as if on cue,John started telling a joke—one of those jokes that begins as astory. The punch line had the whole restaurant laughing. With-out missing a beat, someone else at our table continued themomentum, by saying, “Later that day in the same bar . . .” Whatbegan as a spaghetti feast night turned into a jokefest. I nearlychoked on my marinara sauce five times, I was laughing so hard,and I am not kidding when I say I saw milk coming from somekid’s nose at least twice. Speaking of milk, here’s one joke that I remember:

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The wise old Mother Superior was dying. The nuns gatheredaround her bed to comfort her in her remaining moments. As a lastrequest, she asked for a little warm milk to sip. A young nun randownstairs to the kitchen to warm some milk in the microwave.While it was heating up, she remembered a bottle of whiskey she hadreceived as a gift the previous Christmas and searched the cabinetuntil she found it. Then she opened the bottle and poured a generous amount into the warm cup of milk, stirred it a few timeswith a spoon, and ran back upstairs. Mother Superior drank a little,then a little more, and before they knew it, she had drunk thewhole glass down. She even used her tongue to reach the last drop.

“Mother, Mother,” the nuns cried. “Give us some wisdombefore you die!”

The Mother Superior raised herself up in bed with a pious lookon her face and, pointing out the window, said, “Don’t sell thatcow!”

ACTION PLAN 2: It has been said that humor is the best medicine.That night at dinner it surely was. I know many people who agreethat humor is their saving grace. Here are a few more ideas to tickleyour funny bone.

● Start a joke file, consisting of good jokes from the Internet. Cutand paste them from your e-mail box to a separate file. Then atthe end of each week or month, print the file and read thembefore you go to bed.

● Check out the birthday card selection at the nearest greetingcard store. Don’t go with an expectation of buying any of them(although you might). Consider this a one-hour therapy session.

● Pick up a Calvin & Hobbes or a Bizarro Anthology, rent a comedy video, or start reading a Tom Robbins novel (I highly recommend Still Life with Woodpecker).

● Subscribe to the Funny Times, a monthly newspaper with cartoons and satirical essays to brighten your day. Unlike theWashington Post or the New York Times, this paper contains onlygood news, and it is well worth the laughs. Call (888) 386-6984to subscribe.

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3. Physical Exercise: Flushing Out the Stress HormonesYour body is an amazing creation that was designed for survival.Under pressure, it knows how to prepare for danger without a second thought. In times of physical peril, the fight-or-flightresponse is your ticket to safety. But what happens if you choosenot to fight or flee? Answer: the body still prepares for survival, inthe event that you might change your mind at any moment anddecide to head for the hills. During the stress response, a flood ofhormones is synthesized and released in an amazing orchestrationof metabolic processes. The catecholamines epinephrine and nor-epinephrine are released immediately, while a host of hormones(vasopressin, aldosterone, thyroxine, and cortisol) each staggertheir release in a coordinated effort for physical survival. The bot-tom line is that what is designed to be a very efficient survival sys-tem becomes very inefficient when no action is taken, such assitting at your computer terminal for hours on end. To say that anexcess of stress hormones becomes toxic to the body cannot beoverstated. Ultimately, this is how stress kills.

In his book The Best Alternative Medicine, Kenneth Pelletierstates that of over six hundred different healing modalities labeled“alternative” or “complementary,” physical exercise is without adoubt the most beneficial means of restoring optimal health. Andhe says that unlike the majority of modalities, there is a ton ofresearch on the beneficial effects of physical exercise. He’s right.Any search on the Internet or in a library will confirm that the datashow that regular physical exercise is imperative for good health.

In simplest terms, engaging in any form of rhythmic exercise(e.g., walking, jogging, swimming, bicycling, etc.) that gets andkeeps the heart pumping moderately for an extended time (usuallythirty minutes) uses the stress hormones for their intended meta-bolic purpose and then flushes out the remains, so that they don’tcause a problem. What happens if you choose to stay put? Well,for starters, the hormone cortisol tends to destroy white bloodcells, compromising your immune system. The consequencesrange from the common cold to cancer and everything in-between.

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To be sure, physical exercise itself is a type of stress, but in thiscase, it is good stress, and the payoff ensures a greater level of overall health. Like a homeopathic remedy, a little bit of exercisecreates the symptoms of physical stress, yet the rebound fromexercise returns the body to a greater level of homeostasis. In scientific jargon, it’s called the “parasympathetic rebound.”Regardless of its name, it means resiliency in the course of yourwaking day and a restful sleep each night.

Regular physical exercise does more than just flush out stresshormones; it sets in motion a series of metabolic processes thathelp to keep the body’s physiological processes in balance, fromcalcium absorption in the bones to optimal blood-sugar levels (thisis why exercise is good for people with type 2 diabetes).

ACTION PLAN 3: Research shows that the metabolic effects ofexercise can last up to thirty-six hours. You don’t have to starttraining for the Olympics to get the benefits of physical exercise.All it takes is getting outside three or four times a week for abouttwenty to thirty minutes each time. Walking is the ideal exercise.Losing weight through activity may be a goal for many, but the best reason for regular physical movement is to keep the body’sphysiological systems in check, by flushing out the stress hormones.If exercising by yourself seems like a daunting chore, find a friendto join you and make it a social event.

4. Decompression: The Art of CalmIf you have ever been caught in a downpour, you know the reliefthat comes when you can finally take off the heavy, soaking-wetclothes. This is decompression: a feeling of unloading anything andeverything that’s clinging to you: physically, mentally, emotionally,or spiritually. Deep-sea divers decompress. Released hostagesdecompress. Police and firemen decompress. Astronauts decompress.Situations that place people under stress require decompression,and if you are stressed, you need to decompress, too.

In simplest terms, decompression means the cessation of sensoryintake to regain a sense of homeostasis. “Home” is the operativeword here: a place of comfort and security, in which to return

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safely. Hostages and astronauts may take weeks, sometimesmonths, to decompress. The more intense the stressful episode,obviously, the longer decompression takes. If you make a dailyhabit of including decompression in your life, then it doesn’t takeanywhere near as long. In some cases, it can be done in as little asfive minutes a day, and we all have five minutes.

Compression can result from a number of things, but in this dayand age, it comes primarily from information overload. You takein a massive amount of information through your five senses—primarily, your eyes and ears. As you no doubt have noticed attimes, too much information can suffocate you. Like the wetclothes that bog you down, information, in all the ways youencounter it, can deflate your daily momentum and most certainlyoverload your mental and emotional circuits. Decompression isanother way of centering and emptying.

Just as you take in information through the five senses to get abearing on your situation, you can also use your five senses todirect relaxing stimuli to the mind and the body. That’s what theart of calm is all about: using your five senses to reprogram yourmind and body for total rest and relaxation. In terms of pleasura-ble relaxing stimulation, no one way works best for everyone. Infact, there are literally hundreds of ways, yet they fall into one offive categories: sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell.

ACTION PLAN 4: Here is a simple challenge: come up with fiveways to decompress for each of the five senses, and assemble theseinto your own relaxation survival kit. A relaxation survival kit is likeyour personal first-aid kit for stress. Keep it well stocked with thingsthat nurture or sustain your personal sense of homeostasis—in thiscase, homeostasis that comes from pleasing one or all of the fivesenses. To help inspire your thought process, here are some ideas toget you into this mind-set. When you come up with your own ideas,consider which ones best fit into your relaxation survival kit.

Sight: Closing your eyes might sound like the best option, but ifthat doesn’t work, there are computer screen savers and colorposters of nature scenes. If you are home, a good lightningstorm in the distance is a sight to behold, and there is always the

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work of impressionist artists like Monet and Seurat in museums.Don’t forget gazing at the celestial heavens on a cloudless night.If you are stuck indoors, pull out a Far Side or a Calvin & Hobbescollection (this counts double for the sense of humor, too!).

Sound: Ocean waves are a perennial favorite, as is the sound of chil-dren laughing. A good, long thunderstorm works, too, if you’reunder the covers. When all else fails, you can place a small waterfountain indoors to calm your nerves.

Taste: Food is a great pacifier, and some foods are nothing less thanheavenly. Chocolate comes to mind. Fresh succulent strawber-ries or hot buttered popcorn works in a pinch, and, of course,there is always ice cream therapy.

Touch: Without a doubt, at the top of this list is massage. Muscletension is the number-one symptom of stress, and a good massage works every time. Hot tubs are a close second, and petting a cat or a dog is not far behind. There are many advan-tages to owning a pet. Kids who make these kits love to includebubble wrap for touch.

Smell: Sloan Kettering Hospital uses the scent of vanilla for peo-ple who are scared to have an MRI. Lavender is used in maternitywards to relax soon-to-be mothers when they deliver, and com-panies in Japan spray mint into the air ducts to relax their employ-ees. It might be chocolate, grandma’s kitchen, spice tea, or thescent of your lover that relaxes you, but it’s important to knowwhat these scents are and keep them around so that you can usethem. Several aromas bring a sense of calm to the mind, body,and spirit. Let your nose guide the way.

Just as you would with a first-aid kit, please be sure to replaceany items that have been used—like chocolate (taste)—so that inthe event of another personal disaster or day from hell, you can pullout your kit and put yourself back on the path toward inner peace.To start this process, begin by making a list of the items you wishto include in your relaxation kit, and then use this list as a meansof keeping inventory.

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MY PERSONAL RELAXATION SURVIVAL KIT

Sight

1. _______________________________

2. _______________________________

Sound

1. _______________________________

2. _______________________________

Taste

1. _______________________________

2. _______________________________

Touch

1. _______________________________

2. _______________________________

Smell

1. _______________________________

2. _______________________________

Additional Items

1. _______________________________

2. _______________________________

5. Do Not Enter: Establishing Healthy BoundariesIt may seem rather ironic that at the same time you are trying todismantle roadblocks and move on with your life, a suggestioncomes along that says, “Start putting up barricades.” There is nomixed message with this sage advice. Healthy boundaries are crucial to healthy living because they offer a sense of protectionand security but only when they are honored.

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In this high-speed world, our personal boundaries are erodingand crumbling daily. The most common example is where workresponsibilities are done at home, and home problems interruptwork schedules, making home and work nearly inseparable. Wherepersonal boundaries are weak or nonexistent, havoc ensues.Responsibilities seem to multiply as personal energy is quicklydepleted. There are two kinds of unhealthy boundaries: those thaterode and offer no protection, and those that are so tall and rigid,they end up eclipsing any light that may provide personal suste-nance. Ideally, balance lies somewhere in the middle.

Rivers have boundaries. Human cells have boundaries. Coun-tries have boundaries. Even layers of the earth’s stratosphere haveboundaries. These all exist for a reason: to keep some things outthat aren’t supposed to get in and other things in that are not supposed to leave. Boundaries also provide a sense of order in apotentially chaotic world.

So what, exactly, are healthy boundaries? Healthy boundariesare constructs we create in our lives to give support to our personalintegrity. In terms of behaviors, healthy boundaries used to beconsidered part of personal etiquette, such as knocking on officedoors before entering or identifying yourself on the phone whenyou make a call. Today, they include guidelines by which to successfully live our lives. Healthy boundaries also include goodcommunication skills so that you can explain to others what yourexpectations are. An example might be letting your friends and colleagues know that it’s not appropriate to call your home after9:00 P.M. Remember, boundaries that are routinely broken lead tofeelings of victimization.

Parents try to teach healthy boundaries by explaining what isappropriate versus inappropriate behavior to their children. As wemove from childhood to the teenage years, our natural inclinationis to rebel against these boundaries because we see them as a deter-rent to our personal freedoms. Yet as we mature into adulthood(and perhaps have kids of our own), we see the need for boundaries.Establishing healthy boundaries is much easier than honoringthem, and that’s where willpower (also known as assertiveness)comes in.

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ACTION PLAN 5: Here is a thought to reflect on. What boundariesdo you have in place to provide a sense of organization in your life? Make a short list of your personal boundaries. Then ask yourself, “What boundaries do I have in place that I slip, by let-ting people in, only to feel trespassed against?” Next, identify thevalue associated with the new healthy boundary you wish to adopt. Finally, ask yourself, “What can I do to honor the boundaries I have set in place?” Start making a list right now. This is your action plan. The only thing left to do is put it into play.

NEW HEALTHY ASSOCIATED STEPS TO HONOR

BOUNDARIES VALUE THEM

1.

2.

3.

6. Respond, Don’t React: Taming That EgoPerhaps it’s instinctual that when things don’t go as planned, youhead directly into the fight-or-flight mode. In times of grave dan-ger, this is certainly a good idea. Most likely, it will save your life.But reacting to situations that are not life-threatening can causemore harm than good. The classic example would be yelling atyour boss. Without a doubt, stress instincts can get us in troublewhen not used properly. Instincts, however, can be overridden. Aconscience, we are told, is what separates humans from the rest ofthe animal kingdom. And it’s your conscience that needs to becalled upon to respond, not react, in times when you’re stressed,but your life is not in immediate danger.

One of my favorite stories about how not to react involves aman named Jim, who became infected with the road rage viruswhen an approaching car tried to cut him off from an exit ramp.So he flipped the bird to the driver behind him. He admitted toyelling several choice words, but because the windows were up, hewas rather certain that the guy couldn’t hear them. At that point,

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he decided to use sign language. What he didn’t expect was that theguy behind him, who himself was now infected with the road ragevirus, began to follow Jim home. Ten miles off the freeway, Jimrealized that things were serious. Moving from fight to fright, withbeads of sweat pouring down his face, Jim decided that it was bestto get help. So he pulled into the nearest Dunkin’ Donuts, wheretwo police cars were parked, and yelled for assistance. Jim learneda valuable lesson that day: respond, don’t react.

We can learn that lesson, too. Whether it means counting toten, taking several deep breaths, leaving the room to get a drink ofwater, or doing nothing until we gain our emotional equilibrium,there are several initial steps to responding appropriately. Inmoments of stress, we are responsible for how we respond; we donot need to lose our heads in the midst of chaos. Respondingmeans surveying all the viable options, combining intuition andjudgment, and then selecting the best course of action. Initially,responding may seem as if it takes more work—specifically, moremental preparation—but ask anyone who has reacted inappropri-ately, and that person will tell you there is always a big mess toclean up afterward.

ACTION PLAN 6: Here is a suggestion: observe your behavior insituations that provoke stress, and note what your first course ofaction tends to be. Are you someone who reacts or who responds?If you find yourself reacting to things that might better be served bya response, get in the habit of pausing first, before doing or sayinganything, and then coming up with two viable responses. Try thebest of the two. Lao Tzu often talked about doing nothing, whichcan be interpreted here to mean simply waiting. In this case, hisadvice might be well worth adhering to.

7. Seeking a Balance: Complexity versus SimplicityOne reason why it is so easy to get stuck on the road of life’s journeyis that it’s human nature to assume more responsibilities than wecan comfortably handle. Nowhere is this more apparent than at theworksite, where Americans now hold the dubious honor of the

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most hours spent at work per week. When family responsibilitiesare added to the load, the weight can seem unbearable. The typicalmind-set is to act before thinking things through—saying yes,when no might be more appropriate. Not only can the weight oflooming responsibilities slow things down, it can cause resentmentto build up, which in turn brings on feelings of victimization,hence making the task even more grueling.

One of the great pleasures of being human is having free will,the ability to make choices in all aspects of our lives. But as we allknow, the flip side of free will is responsibility: accepting respon-sibility for the choices we make. Common sense would dictatethat we might think through our choices a little more carefully, butit’s no secret to say that this doesn’t always happen. When hastilymade decisions go bad, resentment is not far behind. Thinkingthings through doesn’t have to take a lot of time, and the time and emotional energy it can save are immeasurable.

There is wisdom in taking the path of least resistance, particu-larly when your load is already heavy. While some types of resist-ance can certainly build character, other situations can instill fear,guilt, and frustration. In an age of codependency, where approval-seeking super-achievers burn out quickly, the path of least resist-ance is the preferred path.

Some choices require more information than others; answers tothe questions who, what, when, where, and how are always goodto know. One of the most common coping techniques for stressmanagement is called “information seeking”: getting all the factsbefore jumping headfirst into a situation. While unforeseen aspectsalways crop up in any given situation, being well prepared byknowing what there is to know can save you an immense amountof time. How can you begin to gather and process information totake advantage of the situation?

ACTION PLAN 7: Ask yourself this simple question as you considertaking on new responsibilities, whether big or small: will this taskcomplicate or simplify my life? By thinking ahead, you may saveyourself a lot of time and frustration. Make a habit of asking your-self this question regularly, as a proactive step in the organizationof your life.

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8. Good Vibrations I: Turning Off the TVThe television, as we know it, was patented in 1930. By 1953, oneout of every two homes in the United States had a television in theliving room. Today, almost every room in the house has one; somehouseholds have more TVs than occupants. Perhaps it’s ironicthat the two guys who independently invented the television (Philo Farnsworth and Vladimir Zworykin) refused to allow thisdevice into their homes or let their kids ever watch it. They knewsomething. Television has become human kryptonite. If Karl Marxwere alive today, he would say that TV, not religion, is the opiateof the masses.

While most people say that there are surely some good programs on television (usually, they cite shows on PBS or the Discovery Channel), the average person will admit that there really isn’t much on that’s worth watching, even with more than a hundred channels running twenty-four hours a day. Few peoplerealize the link between stress and prolonged television viewing,but there certainly is one. Here’s why: a mild stress response is triggered by constant visual stimulation. To keep the viewer’s attention, most television programming is now produced withthree- to five-second camera angle changes. Consequently, healthexperts agree that the number-one addiction in this country isn’talcohol, cigarettes, or even drugs. It’s television. People have areally hard time taking their eyes off the screen. Research revealsthat on average, you can watch several murders, numerous acci-dents, and countless acts of violence each night. While some peo-ple say they merely become numb to it, the truth is that thesescenes are picked up by the unconscious mind, where the toxiceffects are played over and over again throughout the mind, body,and spirit.

Anyone who watched the television coverage of the terrorists’attack on the World Trade Center saw as many as one hundredreplays of the second plane crashing into the north tower. Someestimates suggest that it was in the thousands. Several studies haveshown that people can go into the fight-or-flight response merelyby watching a scary movie. So imagine if you have had a bad day atthe office, got caught in the traffic from hell on the way home, and

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then proceed to sit and watch up to four to six hours of television.Yikes! In the Academy Award–winning documentary Bowling forColumbine, Michael Moore concluded his film by saying that thereason there is so much violence on the news and in entertainmentprogramming is that fear boosts Nielson ratings, thus garneringmore advertising dollars. The bottom line is that whether it’s politics or the economy, fear sells. Don’t buy into it!

Andy Weil, M.D., is the author of the book Spontaneous Healing.In his list of recommendations to augment one’s health, he suggestsa “fast” from watching the news, particularly while eating dinner.He notes, quite accurately, that there will still be fighting in theMiddle East, some politician will be involved with a sex scandal,and jitters will continue on Wall Street. You can walk away from thenews for days at a time and step back a week later without missinga whole lot. The names may change, but the headlines are basicallythe same. In essence, he says that the negative news coverage is nothing more than negative vibrations. These bad vibrations certainly affect your health, especially if you’re stressed, because,consciously or unconsciously, they add to your stress.

ACTION PLAN 8: On the Hawaiian island of Kauai, citizens havebanned together to proclaim a “turn off the television week” inDecember. They say that aside from the violence aspect of television,it has broken down the family structure. Other towns across thecountry are starting similar programs. You can do it, too. In fact,you can do it for longer than one week. Consider getting rid of italtogether.

Is there a chance that you may be addicted to television? Hereis a way to find out. Successful rehabilitation programs are basedon the thirty-day abstinence model. Can you give up television fora whole month? Just as in other rehab programs, family membersneed to be involved, or it won’t work. So, here is a suggestion:gather the family or the people you live with together and suggestthat the television be off limits for the next month. Unplug it andstore it in a nearby closet. If you are like most people, you will besurprised at the following: you’ll gradually feel less tension andmore peace, you’ll sleep better and wake up more rested, and you’llfind an abundance of time to do other projects and have improvedquality time with your loved ones. Give it a try.

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9. Good Vibrations II: Music That Soothes the Savage Breast

What does deodorant have to do with music, you ask? The answeris a little more complex than humming with a can of Arid underyour arm. It seems that several years ago, the makers of Mitchumdeodorant did an exhaustive study to find out what makes people sweat. While the researchers were at it, they looked at anumber of things related to stress. What they came up with wasmost interesting.

As it turns out, they learned that the number-one techniquethat’s used to settle the nerves is listening to music. Some call itmusic therapy, others call it the Mozart Effect, although Bach andBrahms are no second fiddles. Scientists have proven that the oldadage about music soothing a savage breast is right. Heart rate,blood pressure, muscle tension, and a whole list of physical param-eters are significantly influenced by a good melody and a gentlerhythm.

It is also interesting and perhaps not a coincidence to learn thatmany of the terms used to describe stress (e.g., dissonance and tension) and relaxation (e.g., sympathetic resonance, resolution,and harmony) are the same words used to describe similar aspectsof music theory. As of yet, no one theory can explain why music cansoothe a savage breast—or beast, for that matter. Some researcherssuggest this has to do with how the eardrum translates vibrationsinto biochemical properties. Others note a particular effect ofvibrations through entrainment, and then there are people whosuggest that music is the language of the gods. After all, the wordmusic comes to us from the word muse, the angelic beings whotaught Apollo to play the lute so many millennia ago.

It is hard to say which type of music is the most relaxing becauseeveryone has specific individual tastes, but the consensus amongpeople who study music therapy is that instrumental music (withoutlyrics) seems to work best. The reason is that the mind (specifically,the left hemisphere of the brain) is not distracted by words. Thechoice of effective music ranges from classical to jazz to New Age.Throw in some Celtic music or Tibetan chanting, and the list isextremely diverse. Whether it’s George Winston playing piano

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solos or Enya singing etheric melodies, the range of relaxing musicto choose from has never been greater. So, turn on the CD player,lower the lights, hit the play button, and let your mind coast alongfor the ride. You will be pleasantly surprised. And here’s an idea, ifyou haven’t already done it: make a mix of relaxing music that youcan play in your car or at home after a rough day at work.

Action Plan 9: I am often asked to recommend selections ofrelaxing music. These ten CDs are what I (and many others) con-sider to be the classics to soothe the savage beast, breast, or any-thing else that’s stressed in your house. If you don’t find theseCDs in your favorite music store, they can be special ordered. Youcan also order them online. Consider making your own compila-tion as your personal music prescription.

ARTIST CD TITLE INSTRUMENTATION

Eversound Series One Quiet Night* Various instruments

Jim Wilson Northern Seascape Solo piano

Michael Hoppé The Poet Solo cello

Michael Hoppé The Dreamer Solo flute

Secret Garden White Stones Violin and piano

Bruce Becvar Forever Blue Sky Solo guitar

David Lanz Christophori’s Dream Solo piano

Chris Spheeris Eros Solo guitar

Yanni In My Time Solo piano

Sean Harkness Aloft Solo guitar*One Quiet Night is a compilation from the Eversound Music collection that I wasinvited to put together in conjunction with this book.

A final note on music: not all relaxing music has to come froma CD. Live concerts are excellent. There are also the musicalsounds of nature. About a year ago, I attended a conference on thetopic of holistic healing. One of the presenters was the noted musictherapist Steven Halpern. Rather than speak from behind a

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podium, he walked to the center of the stage and stood next to alarge rhododendron. Then he attached an electrode to a leaf of theplant. The electrode was wired through to a transducer to translatethe subtle vibrations and the chemical reactions of the leaf intomusical sound vibrations. When everything was finally hooked up,the audience settled in to listen to the most amazing symphony ofmusic ever heard. That was just one plant. Can you imagine listening to a whole forest? Nature is a great tranquilizer. Remember,sometimes the most relaxing music can be found in your ownbackyard with the stereo turned off.

10. Anger Management: Learning to Fine-Tune ExpectationsOne of the biggest roadblocks on the human path is unresolvedanger. If you haven’t noticed, there is plenty of anger to go aroundthese days. Every episode of anger, from impatience to rage, is theresult of an unmet expectation. From the conquest of the Ameri-can dream to a troubling economy, to unparalleled civil liberties,we are enculturated with certain expectations. We feel that we areentitled to various benefits in our comfortable lifestyle, and thesedo not include perpetual rush hour traffic, computer viruses,anthrax hoaxes, and corporate downsizing. Add to these the prom-ise that technology will make our lives easier (not to mention guarantee more leisure time), and unmet expectations are a dimea dozen today.

How many times a day do you get angry? Three? Five? Ten?Twenty-five? Fifty? According to several recent surveys, the aver-age number of times the typical American gets angry in the courseof a day is between fifteen and twenty. When you think about howmany different ways anger feelings can arise (e.g., impatience,guilt, frustration, envy, indignation, etc.), this number is not all thatsurprising.

The renowned psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross uncoveredmore than she realized when she outlined the stages of death anddying. In what has now become part of the national consciousness,the stages of the death and dying process are denial (shock), anger,bargaining, withdrawal, and acceptance. Although these stages

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were first observed with cancer patients, its interesting to note thatthe same stages are experienced, to a much lesser degree, with thedeath of unmet expectations. These can range from a postponedflight at the airport to a fender-bender car collision or simply playing phone tag with a colleague.

Does this mean that we should conduct our lives with no expec-tations? Absolutely not. What it does mean is that we need to beable to fine-tune our expectations when they are not met to our satisfaction, so that we don’t fly off the handle, make our blood pressure soar, or get an ulcer. The final stage after acceptance isadaptation, which means to change our perceptions and go withthe flow.

ACTION PLAN 10: There are many aspects to consider whenimplementing a creative anger-management plan. One of the mostimportant steps is fine-tuning your expectations so that you don’tpermanently derail off the human journey.

Here are some ideas for creative anger management:

● Refine your expectations. Ask yourself what expectation wasn’tmet and why you feel threatened by it. Then let it go.

● Count to ten (take a time-out). It’s okay to feel frustrated. Infact, it’s normal, but your best bet is to cool off before saying ordoing something you’ll later regret. Counting to ten reallyhelps you to cool off. If you must, count to twenty-five; countas high and as long as it takes to chill out before you come backto begin to resolve the situation.

● Plan in advance for things that you know drive you crazy, likehighway construction and prolonged office meetings. Design astrategy so that when the unexpected happens, you are prepared.

● Practice sweet forgiveness. Are you harboring a grudge againstsomeone? Now is the time to let it go and move on.

11. Meditation: Take Five or Even TenIf you have ever read the directions that come with your cordlessphone, you will notice somewhere in the fine print that the phoneneeds to be recharged regularly, or it won’t work properly. Typi-cally, when left out of the cradle for an extended period of time, a

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red light comes on during its use, indicating a low battery. Humanbeings don’t have red lights on their foreheads that indicate apower failure, although it sure would be helpful if we did. A redlight would be an ideal warning to others, saying, keep your distance or, better yet, stay away entirely. Metaphorically speaking,signs of an imminent human power failure or simply low energyat the human level include impatience, rudeness, sarcasm, arro-gance, and other less-becoming behaviors, all of which epitomizean overreactive emotional stress response.

Unlike cordless phones, we don’t necessarily need a minimumof ten hours of recharging to function properly. Restoring yourpersonal energy can be done in as little as five minutes a day, andthat’s what meditation is all about: recharging your personal energyafter a draining day to return to a sense of inner peace. Again, thisis centering.

Meditation became popular in the United States back in the sixties when the Beatles tried Transcendental Meditation (TM).What started as a fad soon became a daily practice for hundreds ofthousands of people nationwide. Dr. Herbert Benson, an earlyTM follower, conducted several scientific research studies at Har-vard University to examine the effectiveness of meditation. Thestudies revealed that regular meditation tends to lower the restingheart rate and the resting blood pressure, boost immune function,improve sleep quality, and improve several other physiologicalfunctions associated with relaxation. With this scientific proofbacking him up, Benson Americanized TM and called it “TheRelaxation Response.” The rest, as they say, is history.

In an age of information overload and attention deficit dis-order, meditation is a time to unload or purge unnecessary infor-mation (e.g., thoughts, feelings, etc.). It is a time to clear the mindof irrelevant chitchat so that more important matters can beaddressed. Just like deleting all the e-mails that you no longer careto store in your computer’s memory, meditation is the mind’s wayof doing the same. Meditation is nothing more than clearing themind of thoughts and feelings that are taking up space and crowd-ing out more important things that really need attention. Somepeople call meditation “mental disarmament.” I like the slogan thatsays: Meditation, it’s not what you think!

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ACTION PLAN 11: The following meditation technique can bedone in as little as five minutes. Read through this exercise onceto get the idea, and then find a quiet place to practice it or somevariation of it.

Breathing Clouds MeditationThe purpose of this meditation is to focus on your breathing and,at the same time, help clear your mind of distracting thoughts andunresolved emotions that no longer serve your highest good. Thismeditation can be used to initiate the emptying process. As withall meditations that use mental imagery, please feel free to augmentthese suggestions in your own mind to promote the greatest senseof comfort and peace.

In this meditation, two images are combined with your breathing.The first is an image of a clean, white cloud of air when you inhale;the second is a dark, dirty cloud of air when you exhale. The clean,white cloud of air is symbolic of cleansing the mind. It is pure andfresh and accompanies your intention to cleanse your mind-bodyand spirit. The dark cloud of air symbolizes any or all thoughts andfeelings that you wish to release and let go of, such as fears, frustrations, grudges, physical pains, or any unresolved issues. Theinhalation is symbolic of invigoration; the exhalation is symbolicof cleansing and detoxing.

You can do as many breathing clouds cycles as you wish. Ten isa good number to start with. The idea with this meditation is thatat some point in this breathing clouds cycle (which will vary fromperson to person), the air you breathe out will eventually becomeas pure as the air you breathe in, and as this happens, you becomerelaxed and peaceful.

1. Begin by closing your eyes and focusing on your breathing.Place all of your attention, focus all of your thoughts on yourbreathing.

2. Now, as you take your next breath, slowly and comfortably,inhale through your nose and imagine that you are inhalingclean, fresh air, like a white, puffy cloud. Feel the air circulateup through your sinuses, up to the top of your head and downthe back of your spine.

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3. As you begin to exhale, slowly and comfortably, exhale throughyour mouth. As you exhale, visualize that the air you breathe outis a dark, dirty cloud of air. As you exhale, bring to mind a thoughtor a feeling that no longer serves you and let it go as you exhale.

4. Again, inhale clean, fresh air through your nose, let it circulateto the top of your head and down the back of your spine, toreside in your stomach.

5. Exhale very slowly through your mouth, and, as you do, thinkof a moment of frustration or a feeling of resentment that youhave been carrying around for a long time. Now is the time tolet it go; as you exhale, visualize the dark, dirty air you breatheout carrying this toxic thought, so that it leaves with the breath.

6. Slowly inhale clean, fresh air through your nose and feel it circulate to the top of your head and down the back of yourspine. As it circulates, feel it invigorate your entire body.

7. Exhale slowly through your mouth, and once again bring tomind a thought or a feeling of unresolved stress that begs to beresolved. Letting go is the first step in doing so, and as thiscloud of dark, musty air leaves your mouth, give yourself permission to release this stress by letting go as you exhale.

8. Repeat this cycle of breathing clouds—fresh air in and dark,dirty air out—until you come to a greater sense of calm. As youdo, notice that the air you exhale becomes as clear as the air youinhale, symbolizing homeostasis of your mind, body, and spirit.

12. Adopt an Attitude of Gratitude:Counting Your Blessings (and Curses, Too!)Under moments of stress and duress, the only thing you may wantto think about is how bad off you are. While this is certainly a normal response, spending too much time fretting about personalmisfortunes can become a mental rut that is very hard to get outof. On the other hand, ignoring your feelings by looking only atthe bright side is nothing less than denial, so a compromise is inorder. First, take some time to evaluate the situation as objectively

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as you can. Obviously, each situation will merit its own duration oftime for you to do this, but when you have exhausted looking at allthe negative aspects of the situation, pause to try to find somethinggood that might come out of it. There is always something goodthat can come from a bad situation, even if it’s what you can learnso that you avoid this hazard again.

Adopting an attitude of gratitude means redirecting your thinking process away from negative patterns, which are so common(and unproductive), to successfully deal with stress. Often, webecome myopic when faced with problems, and we fail to see thatwith lemons comes lemonade and with rain clouds comes rainbows.

By shifting your focus to an attitude of gratitude, you move outof the pattern that is commonly called victim consciousness. And inperhaps not every case, but darn near close to it, people who can getbeyond the negative impact of a stressful event soon begin to see thatwhat was once a curse may actually be a blessing in disguise.

ACTION PLAN 12: When you find yourself in a funk, pull out apen and a pad of paper and make a list of all the things you aregrateful for or take for granted. Start with simple things like youreyesight, the fact that you are breathing, or that the earth spins onits axis, giving us night and day. Then move on to more profoundthings, such as experiences that have made you who you are. Don’tstop till you reach one hundred items. Then, savor everything onthe list.

13. Good Nutrition: Avoid Putting Gasoline on the FireThe best way to keep a car going is to put gasoline in the tank forfuel. The body also needs fuel, but what most people use as asource of energy these days is atrocious. In a country where foodchoices are amazingly diverse, the standard American diet (SAD)is just that, sad! People survive on foods that hold little, if any,nutritional value: processed foods that are made to last months ona grocery store shelf but barely sustain a low quality of life, let alonea good one. Trans-fatty acids (hydrogenated oils), found in nearlyall boxed goods, have been created so that foods that contain it

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won’t go rancid. Bacteria are smarter than humans; they won’t gonear that stuff. Humans, on the other hand, can’t get enough of it.Something is wrong with this picture.

In the course of a stressful day, the body tends to utilize vita-mins and minerals to metabolize carbohydrates and fats for energy.The higher the level of stress, the greater the need for these nutrients. It is safe to say that many people are running a deficit ofessential nutrients when they are stressed for prolonged periods of time.

As if that’s not bad enough, it gets worse. Good nutritionalhabits are the first casualty of a stress-filled day. People skip mealsor snack on foods that offer little, if any, nutritional value (the termis empty calories—foods that are high in calories but extremely lowin nutrients). As a consequence, the deficit of essential nutrientsgrows worse. To make matters even more dismal, people oftenconsume foods that either trigger the stress response or add to it,which is akin to throwing gasoline on the fire. Which foods dothis? Caffeine is perhaps the biggest culprit. A substance in caffeine(methylated xanthines) acts on the nervous system to promote therelease of the stress neurotransmitters epinephrine and norepi-nephrine. A high consumption of salt is believed to increase bloodpressure by causing more water retention. Processed sugar andflour (the legal but addictive white powders) also have an adverseeffect on the nervous and immune systems.

Many popular foods are considered a stress on the body, such asprocessed foods; genetically modified foods; and artificial colors, flavors, sweeteners, and preservatives. According to the authorRobert Cohen, who wrote the book Milk: The Deadly Poison, milkcan have as many as eighty different antibiotics in it, and manyfruits and vegetables are coated with just as many pesticides. Sadto say, the synergistic effect of these toxins has never even beenlooked at by the FDA or the EPA. These toxins are absorbed intothe body and are typically stored in the liver, the kidneys, or theadipose tissue. All of this supports the recommendation to eatorganic foods, whenever possible.

It’s no secret that the American diet is high in calories and lowin nutrients. It’s also very high in toxins and chemical substances

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(synthetic estrogens associated with cancer) that are anything butnatural. A good rule of thumb is to eat natural whole foods, organicfoods whenever possible, and foods that support a healthy immunesystem, and minimize foods that jack up the stress response. Food,particularly anything with a high sugar content, can also affectone’s mood.

ACTION PLAN 13: Here is a short list of suggestions to enhanceyour health and boost your immune system through good health-ful nutrition:

● Eat a good amount of fiber. Fruits and vegetables have plenty offiber, and this helps to clean the small intestine and the colonto rid the body of toxins. Americans do not get enough fiber,mostly because we don’t eat enough vegetables. Vegetablesshould be at the base of the food guide pyramid. Again, the bestchoice is “Certified Organic.”

● Consume more essential fatty acids. Not all fat is bad; in fact, somefats are crucial for life, including the essential fatty acids (omega-3 and omega-6). Most people get too much omega-6 and notenough omega-3. Flaxseed oil and cold-water fish, such as freshAlaskan salmon, are the best sources of omega-3 fatty acids.

● Consume a daily supply of antioxidants. Beta-carotene, vitamin C,vitamin E, and the mineral selenium can be found in a variety offruits and vegetables. Antioxidants combat free radicals thattend to destroy cells in the body. Free radicals are associatedwith cancer and coronary heart disease. Remember to choosecertified organic foods.

● Consume a good supply of organic produce. Organic produce hasminimal amounts of pesticides, herbicides, and fungicides,many of which are carcinogenic. Buying and eating organicfoods lowers the risk of ingesting these and other dangeroussubstances, which ultimately tax or suppress the immune system. Organic foods are often nutrient-dense, packed withvitamins and minerals to help restore balance to the body’sphysiology.

● Minimize or avoid the consumption of processed foods. Many foodsare processed so that they’ll have an extended shelf life. They

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contain a plethora of synthetic and unnatural substances unfitfor human consumption, such as trans-fatty acids.

● Consume free-range meats whenever possible. Free-range chickenand beef contain substantially less hormones, pesticides, and antibiotics. Factory-farm chicken and beef are loaded with antibiotics and hormones, which tax or suppress the immunesystem as it tries to rid the body of these substances. If you reallylike meat, try free-range buffalo; it’s much more healthful.

● Minimize or avoid the consumption of foods that contain syntheticadditives. These include aspartame, MSG, and nitrates, amongothers, which are cited as destabilizing brain chemistry—hence,attention span. You can learn more about the effects of syntheticadditives in Russell Blaylock’s book Excitotoxins. Many foods listMSG merely as “spice” on the label, so, again, the best courseof action is to eat certified organic products.

● Include herbal remedies to boost your immune system. Many herbs,such as astragalus, shiitake mushrooms, and garlic, are used toboost the immune system, with no ill side effects when taken asdirected. A good reference on herbs is The Way of Herbs, byMichael Tierra.

● Drink plenty of water all day long. Rehydration is essential tocleanse toxins from the body. Get in the habit of drinking plentyof water (or caffeine-free tea) to keep cells healthy. Cancerpatients on chemotherapy are told to drink plenty of water toflush it out of their systems. Drinking plenty of filtered wateris good advice for everyone. Consider beginning each day witha glass of water, too.

● Minimize or avoid foods that trigger the stress response. Theseinclude caffeine, salt, refined sugars, bleached flour, andprocessed foods. Your body will surely thank you.

There is an old saying from Hippocrates, the man creditedwith being the father of modern medicine. In addition to utteringthe now-famous words “First, do no harm!” he is remembered forsaying, “Let food be your medicine and let medicine be your food.”This is always good advice.

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14. Empowerment: Remember,You’ve Got the GoodsAt times, stress can seem not only overwhelming but also disem-powering, if for no other reason than by making you feel as if youhave no control over a particular circumstance. One of the basichuman fears is the fear of losing control in any given situation. Theconsequences can be paralyzing. One of the ironies of human natureis our desire to manipulate things we have no control over and toneglect or abandon the things we have complete control over. So,what do we have control over? First and foremost, we have controlover our own thoughts. But we are also empowered to use our innerresources, or the muscles of the soul, described in chapter 4. Whenyou acknowledge the amazing potential of these resources, yourwealth is immeasurable. To reiterate an important point: these arethe attributes that we recognize, consciously or unconsciously, in thepeople we call our heroes, role models, or mentors.

Empowerment and mentors, along with support groups anduniqueness, constitute the four pillars of high self-esteem, andhigh self-esteem is paramount in dealing effectively with stress.Reflect for a moment on someone whom you would identify asyour mentor or role model. Once you have a specific person inmind, ask yourself what you admire in this person. Finally, askyourself what steps can you take to enhance the same qualities inyourself. That’s empowerment. Empowerment is also knowingthe difference between assertiveness and aggression.

ACTION PLAN 14: Before you can claim your power, you have toreclaim it from anyone and anything you might have given it awayto. Have you given your personal power away to others (moviestars, spiritual gurus, sports teams, physicians, spouse), thus deny-ing yourself a full sense of empowerment? Giving your poweraway is akin to leaking energy from your body. Empowermentcomes from believing in your personal power, reclaiming yourpersonal energy. This is reinforced by positive affirmation state-ments: positive feedback that you give yourself, particularly whenthe chips are down. Take a moment to write down three positiveaffirmation statements that help to instill a sense of calm. Begin eachphrase with the words I am (e.g., “I am calm and relaxed”).

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1. I am ________________________________

2. I am ________________________________3. I am ________________________________

Make a habit of giving yourself empowering feedback so that whenthe shadow of fear lurks nearby, you can use these affirmations as alight in the darkness.

15. Friends in Need: Having a Good Support SystemOne thing that became quite evident from the attack on the WorldTrade Center and the Pentagon was how people reached out tohelp those in need. Within minutes, if not seconds, people tooksteps to assist others, from donating blood for the residents ofNew York City and Washington, D.C., to organizing communityaction groups for disaster relief. People, some of them for the firsttime, were talking to their neighbors, learning their names.

Psychologists have known for decades about the importance ofa good support system to maintain one’s health. Reaching out tofriends and family in times of need is perhaps one of the oldest coping techniques for stress. In the now-famous words of JohnDonne, “No man is an island.” What used to be called “six degreesof separation” has been reduced down to two degrees, and whenit comes to knowing somebody who’s under stress, it may be lessthan that. Emphatically speaking, human beings are very social animals, yet in the hustle and bustle of a fast-paced life, contact—real quality time between friends and family—is decreasing. Moretime spent on the Internet or watching television means that lessquality time is devoted to family and friends. The result can be afeeling of isolation, which is commonly known to create a fertileground for bouts of depression.

What is quality time among friends? Quality time includesactivities where an experience is shared to strengthen the bonds offriendship. Playing musical instruments or games of tennis or golf,throwing potluck dinners, going on bike rides or hikes, and attend-ing music concerts are just a few ideas. There are hundreds of others. To paraphrase the words of Khalil Gibran, “Find hours tolive, not time to kill.”

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ACTION PLAN 15: Take a moment to list five of your friendswhom you could call at a moment’s notice to spend time with. Ortry this: make a list of the things you always wanted to do, and thencall your friends and see who has an interest in joining you. If yourlist of things to do or creative ideas is short, and your list of friendsis shorter, find ways to meet people with similar interests. If you’renot sure where to start, check the local paper for upcoming events.Some stores (such as those selling outdoor gear) host events andsocials, too, which can become a great place to meet others whohave similar interests. Bookstores have author signings andchurches have potlucks. Last, but not least, volunteering your timeat a nonprofit organization is a great way to meet others who haveopen hearts. Make time to reconnect.

16. Back to Nature: Getting and Staying GroundedOur bodies operate on an internal clock. The scientific name is“biorhythms” or circadian variations, and this clock seems to runon a twenty-four- to twenty-five-hour interval. Our physiologicaldynamics appear to be based on the earth’s spin on its axis, in relationship to the sun, and this affects everything from our sleepcycles to cell metabolism, and perhaps a lot more that we are noteven aware of. One thing is certain: sitting in front of a computerscreen for eight to ten hours a day and snacking on processed foodunder fluorescent lights is not natural. In fact, this doesn’t evencome close to nature!

It is no exaggeration to say that we, in the Western world, arequite removed from nature. It used to be that people were wellaware of the phases of the moon, the seasons of the earth, and little nuances observed in nature, from the brown bands on fuzzycaterpillars to subtle differences in the tides. If you were to ask the average person on the street what phase the moon is in tonight,aside from receiving a funny look, you would be hard-pressed to get a correct answer. One of my friends, who happens to live in New York City, says the closest she gets to nature is AnimalPlanet. That says it all. Unfortunately, she’s not alone. Millions

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of people know all too well what she means. Today it is com-monplace to get up, drive to and from work, and never even have a natural ray of sunshine hit your skin. Instead, we are sur-rounded with stale office air and bombarded by electromagneticpollution.

The flow of life is closely associated with the cycles of nature—the ebb and the flow of rhythms. The changing of the leaves, the scent of flowers in the air, butterflies and geese in migration,and frost on the windows all provide signals for us to be a part of,not separate from, the natural world. If nothing more, getting in touch with nature keeps us grounded. First and foremost, nature is a sanctuary, and it beckons us to come outside on a regular basis.

With all puns intended, nature is very grounding. Not onlydoes a walk in the woods or on a beach cleanse the mind and thesoul of life’s daily hassles, the sights, the sounds, and the scents ofnature strike a primordial chime of balance (the balance of nature)in the unconscious mind. Moreover, when we align ourselves withthe sacredness of nature, we honor the divine connection of whichwe are always a part.

ACTION PLAN 16: What can you do to get back to nature? Findthe nearest park and go for a walk. If possible, drive to the oceanor a lake and walk or sit on the beach. Pull out a blanket some evening and lie down to watch the stars for a few hours(especially during a meteor shower). Plant a garden. Get out thebinoculars and go bird watching. Visit the nearest botanical gardens or local greenhouse. The options are endless. Every person I have ever talked to says that getting back to nature is nothing less than invigorating, and although a million distractionsmay tempt you to put it off, there are no valid reasons not toreturn to the source. So, what phase is the moon in tonight? Don’t cheat and look at a calendar. Walk outside tonight and takea look!

Keeping a strong connection to nature can also mean bringinga part of nature indoors, such as houseplants and small water foun-tains. Even if you already have these in your house, reconfigurethem in a sacred space that truly honors this basic connection.

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17. Diversify Your Interests: Place Your Eggs in More Than One BasketBill took up pottery as something to do on weekends. He admitsthat he didn’t know the first thing about it when he took his firstpottery class ten years ago. It was something he had had an interestin as a kid. A foot injury curtailed his leisure pursuit of golf, andmaking pottery just seemed to fill the void. He must have had aknack for it, because his wife’s friends began to express an interestin buying some of his pieces. Bill was amused. Within two months,he could barely keep any of his pieces in stock. At first, Bill oftendescribed himself as living in two worlds, but now he compares thepassion between work and play to being bilingual.

As a hobby, Bill found that making pottery served as a great distraction from the strife at his workplace. Whenever he sat downat the potter’s wheel, he was in another world. But what he alsonoticed was that the creative aspect of making pottery transferredfrom home to his work-related projects. His colleagues at worknoticed it, too. He quickly learned the wisdom of not placing allof his eggs in one basket or, in his case, one ceramic bowl. Whenhis company went through a restructuring process, rather thanwaiting to see if the ax would fall on his head, Bill took the earlyretirement program that was offered. His hobby of making potterybecame his golden parachute, many times over.

Hobbies serve as a great diversion from day-to-day workresponsibilities that can weigh us down. Outside interests, whateverthey might be, can provide much-needed equilibrium in an otherwise unbalanced life. Not only do hobbies involve an attemptto make order out of chaos, as well as foster creativity; these skillsalso transfer over to work-related responsibilities. If nothing else,the activities tend to open the mind to new ways of thinking andproblem solving, and that’s always helpful.

ACTION PLAN 17: What are your current hobbies or nonwork-related interests? If you come up blank, with no answer, then startwith this question: What are your current interests or fascinations?What are five things that you’ve always wanted to do but put offfor lack of time and/or money? By the way, hobbies don’t have tobe time-consuming or expensive, so those excuses are not viable.

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If you are unsure where to start, take a continuing education courseat your local community college, YMCA, or church.

18. Amazing Grace: The Healing Power of PrayerOne of the greatest paradoxes of life is this: throughout the courseof human history each life appears infinitely insignificant, yet eachlife is absolutely essential to the grand scheme of the cosmos. Atsome point in life we realize that we are a small part of somethingmuch bigger than we can ever imagine. It’s a given that we willnever fully understand the greater mysteries of life. The wisestsages and prophets have as much as told us so. But they have alsogiven these words of insight: prayer gives us perspective on thisseemingly incomprehensible picture.

The illusion of life is that we are separate beings. The realityof life is that we are all connected. During moments of stress, theperception of separation wins out. Faith is the metaphorical ray ofsunlight that breaks through the clouds of illusion to reveal ourdivine connection, a connection that always has been and alwayswill be there. Prayer is the realization of this connection. Prayerdoesn’t unfailingly provide the answers we seek, but it does providea level of comfort that can be found nowhere else.

So, in times of stress, we pray. We pray to God—whatever weperceive God to be. We pray for help and assistance to make itthrough the moments of stress and tribulation. If we are not too con-sumed with the gravity of the situation, we might also pray forinsight and understanding to make sense of it all. If we are feelingtruly altruistic, we may pray for others as well. Some people say thatthere are two types of prayer: thoughts and desires asking for divineintervention, and praise and gratitude for the wondrous blessingsbestowed upon us. Other people say that all thought is prayer.

Joseph Campbell noted that one hallmark of every great mythicalstory is the presence of what he called spiritual aids, a special alchemybetween one’s inner resources and divine assistance, which providesneeded help in times of crisis. Prayer is the call for assistance.

During stress, more than at any other time, our faith has itsgreatest test. No sooner did the four hijacked planes crash on the

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morning of September 11, 2001, than people around the world, ofall faiths, began to form prayer vigils (in and out of churches, temples, and mosques), in an effort to console the hearts and theminds of those left behind to pick up the pieces of the tragedy.

At the cusp of the twentieth and the twenty-first centuries, thetopic of intercessory prayer has gained much attention outside theparameters of conventional theology. Only a few years ago it wouldhave seemed like heresy in the halls of academia, yet prayer is nowaccepted as a viable topic of investigation. As such, scientific studies have examined the healing power and the potential ofprayer (do a quick search on the Internet and you’ll be amazed!).Perhaps it’s no surprise that conclusions drawn from these studiessuggest that intentions that honor the divine connection of the universe do indeed appear to have a significant impact on the livesof people involved in the healing process. Although we may neverreally understand the dynamics involved (remember to embracethe mystery), the outcomes appear certain: prayer works, evenwhen prayers seem to go unanswered.

ACTION PLAN 18: Is there a right way to pray? Given the complexity of world religions, the answer might seem to be yes, but,as it turns out, religion and religious practice really have nothing todo with either the mystery or the power of prayer. There are manysimilarities between the techniques of mental imagery and visual-ization and prayer. In fact, they follow the same template. The fol-lowing five suggestions are inspired by the writing of SophyBurnham, the author of A Book of Angels and The Path of Prayer,who synthesized them from the ageless wisdom found in all theworld’s religions.

1. Send a clear transmission of thought. First, think of your mind asif it were a radio transmitter that can send and receive messages. Then think about how your ears tend to prefer a clearsignal, rather than loud static. When our minds are racing withdozens of thoughts at the same time, the result is mental static.Praying in the midst of this mental chatter is like talking overstatic—the message is unclear. More often than not, the mindtunes out. When sending a prayer to the heavens, the last thingyou want is static or even a mixed message. To send a clear

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transmission, quiet the mind by taking time to clear away feel-ings of anger, fear, frustration, or anxiety, which tend to distortthe intended message.

2. Express prayers in a positive context. Various studies have shownthat the unconscious mind understands positive thoughtsextremely well but doesn’t process negative thoughts well at all.For example, if you were to say, “I hope I’m not late,” theunconscious mind translates this to “I hope I’m late,” and thisin turn can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. The universalmind, of which the human mind is a part, also understandspositive thoughts so much better than it does negative ones. So,when you pray, do it in a positive context, so that nothing getslost in the translation.

3. Express prayers in the present tense. The cosmic clock is calibrated quite differently from basic earth time. Even Einsteinproposed that time is a very relative matter. Mystics and sageshave shared the thought that there is no past or future when itcomes to the mind of God; all things are in the present tense.So, with this in mind, phrase your thoughts in the presentmoment. Regardless of when, ask as if you need to be answerednow.

4. Close with a thought of gratitude. In many cultures, it is customary to make an offering to the divine spirit, after askingfor assistance. The gift is a token of appreciation. Gratitude canbe expressed in many ways. Through prayer, a simple intentionor a sincere word of thanks is all that is required. With thisthought of gratitude comes the requirement that you bedetached from the results. In other words, make your intentionknown, offer thanks, and then let go of the outcome, knowingthat a bigger game plan is in the works.

5. Be open for any type of response or sign. All prayers are answered,but not all answers are received. Sometimes there’s too muchstatic in the receiver (mental chatter). Sometimes the answermay be different from what we are looking for or even expect.Being open to a response or a sign means being receptive towhat is in our best interest, even if we don’t realize it at the

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time. And it also means dropping all expectations of what wethink is the right answer, trusting that what does result is indeedin our best interest.

19. Reserving Judgment: The Power of Acceptance

The human mind is amazing. It can create, analyze, incubate,rationalize, calculate, organize, and judge ideas and perceptionswith a speed so rapid that no computer can begin to match it. Eachof these capabilities is remarkable unto itself, yet the integrationof these mental processes is truly extraordinary. No less extraor-dinary are the dynamics through which these thinking processeswork together. One additional element in this collection of cognitivegifts is timing: knowing the best time to organize ideas versus the besttime to judge aspects of a given situation. Any good comedian willtell you that when it comes to delivering a joke, timing is everything.The same can be said about the thinking processes—specifically,about using good judgment. At best, engaging in a mental process atthe wrong time can be embarrassing; at worst, it can be deadly.

One of the more dangerous thinking processes is the power ofjudgment. Perhaps more than any other cognitive skill, it causesthe most problems, if for no other reason than that it tends to dominate our thinking patterns. In times of physical danger, thepower of judgment is essential for survival. In the best of times,judgment is the last in a series of steps we should use in our think-ing process. A lesson can be learned from the creative processregarding the order of judgment. Remember that should a judgestep in too soon, before an idea has had time to germinate, thenthis ends the promise of our potential creativity. Unlike judges inour national judicial system, the ego acting in the role of a judgesays, “Guilty until proven innocent.” It is this mental tape thatoften gets us into trouble.

Our judgments are made from a combination of past experiences,current facts, and some element of intuitive perceptions. In theright order, with the right mix, judgment is a wonderful tool. In thewrong order of mental processing, judgment sabotages our bestefforts. Poor judgment is directly tied to intolerance, prejudice, and

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a score of other less-than-desirable human traits. Simply stated,our judgment can be our best friend or our worst enemy. It caneither be the navigator or the pirate controlling the fate of our ownhuman journey. At each bend in the road in our life’s sojourn, consciously or unconsciously, we decide which role it plays.Reserving judgment is a skill that enables us to become more conscious and responsible for our thought processes.

So, remember, not only is it okay to use judgment in the think-ing process, it’s strongly encouraged. But as you become moreconscious of your own thoughts, ask yourself whether you havequestioned judgments in your thought processes. This is what itmeans to reserve judgment.

One morning while driving down a country road in Hawaii, Ipassed a guy who was hitchhiking. He had shoulder-length hairand a full beard, and my first thought was very judgmental. I passedhim by. As I continued to drive, however, I found myself askingwhat it was about him that I didn’t like. It didn’t take me long torealize that I didn’t have a good answer. To be honest, on firstappearance, he looked quite biblical. He was even wearing sandals.He also had a huge backpack, and from the looks of things, it wasquite heavy. Despite knowing the risk involved, I slowed down,turned the car around, and drove back. He was still there, waiting,so I offered him a ride.

Dan was traveling around the islands and had begun to makehis way home to Ohio for Christmas. The more we talked, themore interesting he became. We ended up having lunch and spentthe better part of the day together before he made his way to theairport. Before we parted company, we exchanged addresses. Backon the mainland, we corresponded several times. Five years laterwe have become the best of friends, and I am now the proud god-father of his son, Noah. I realize how enriched my life has becomeby his friendship, and I sometimes wonder what else I might havemissed out on by being too quick to judge others. ACTION PLAN 19: Reserving judgment has many side benefits, butwe will never know what they are until we become less judgmen-tal and more receptive to the greater good that life has to offer.Although we all have moments of being judgmental, begin toobserve your thoughts. When you find yourself passing judgment,

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open your mind by changing your mental perspective and consider-ing other viewpoints. The next time you find yourself passingjudgment, ask yourself what you might be missing out on.

20. Seizing the Day: The Future Is NowOne day while attending an outdoor art festival, I happened to heara song from one of my favorite CDs, Northern Seascape. I lookedup and there was the artist at the keyboards, giving a small publicconcert to people, like me, who were strolling by. When he hadfinished playing, the pianist Jim Wilson took a break to sign autographs and chitchat with people at his booth. I walked over tosay hi, and he invited me to sit down and talk with him for a while.In the course of our visit, Jim shared the story of his first recording,and it became quite apparent to me that this man had learned themeaning of the expression “Seize the day!” Here is Jim’s story.

“Like many people, I wanted to become a famous musicianmany years ago, but it is tough breaking into the business. I alwayswanted to cut an album, but I found myself putting it off, waitingfor the right moment, except that the right moment never seemedto be within sight. Although I really wanted to play piano, I endedup becoming a piano tuner in Los Angeles. I guess I was rathergood, because I ended up tuning the pianos of performers like Billy Joel; Crosby, Stills, and Nash; Carole King; Paul McCartney;Burt Bacharach; Dan Fogelberg; and Elton John! I actually madea pretty good career out of piano tuning. But then one day my bestfriend died of a heart attack. He was only thirty-seven years old.He had a lot of unfinished dreams. His death was like a knock on thehead for me to start finishing some of my own dreams—specifically,to record my first album. I quickly got all the pieces in place, andthat’s how Northern Seascape was born. You could say it was atwenty-year project in the making, but in many ways, its originsbegan after the death of my buddy.” Prompted by that event, Jimseized the day and has never let go since.

What is it that motivates some people to get up and go, whileothers simply sit around, waiting for a ride? It’s not fear or apathy.This age-old question has as many answers as it does people whoget off their duffs and start moving. But what they all seem to have

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in common is a means to capture the winds of inspiration, to fill theirsails, and head out on an adventure, oftentimes into unchartedwaters. And while many people are attached to the security ofstaying home, bathed in the comfort of familiarity, they will also tell you that this routine eventually leads to mediocrity andboredom.

Today, participating in life has become more passive than active.In an age of reality television and virtual technology, many peoplewould rather sit and watch someone else have an adventure thantake the time to have their own. The ultimate virtual, vicariousexperience inevitably becomes a shallow adventure at best. At worst,it becomes one more nail in the coffin of our human potential.

Seizing the day begins with hoisting the sails of ambition tocatch the winds of inspiration, but it also includes accessing yourimagination and creativity to gather resources with which to makedreams come true. The goal can be small, such as running amarathon, or huge, like telling an estranged parent that you lovehim or her. Let there be no doubt, risks are involved with seizingthe day—most notably, the risk of failure. But ask anyone whoreturns home from a personal adventure, and that person will saythat the real failure is not in the doing. The real failure is in noteven trying to seize the day. Seizing the day isn’t so much an actionor an action plan as it is an attitude. It’s the voice of opportunityriding on the winds of change that begs to be heard. Seizing theday is the hero’s call to action.

ACTION PLAN 20: I ask this question with the intention of send-ing you on a quest: what are three personal lifetime goals that youwish to accomplish in the near future? Write them down here:

1. ______________________________

2. ______________________________

3. ______________________________

This list is really just an invitation. Now comes the real quest:pick one of these goals and map out a strategy to make it happen.Fill in the specifics; identify what resources you need to accomplishit. Give it an estimated completion date. Seize the day today andstart to make it happen, step by step.

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21. Forgiveness: The Last FrontierSeveral years ago someone shared with me a story of forgivenessthat has left an indelible mark on my soul, so much so, that Iwanted to share it with you. As it turns out, her father had read apassage in my book Stand Like Mountain, Flow Like Water, whichshe had given him as a birthday present. The passage was on thetopic of forgiveness, in a story where a father came to terms withhis estranged son. The story must have struck a chord because thiswoman’s father, who also had an estranged child, decided that itwas time to let bygones be bygones. The woman who told me thisstory explained that she had a sister living in New York City, whomher father had been estranged from for over a decade. Somethinghad come between them, and he just couldn’t let it go. All theestranged daughter’s attempts to reconcile failed to repair the fragilerelationship. In that time, she had gotten married, had a son, andgone on with her life. Not only had the man never seen his grand-son, he refused to acknowledge that he even had one. But now something stirred in his soul, and within several days of finishing thebook, he made what must have been a very difficult phone call toNew York. Within a month’s time, after several healing conversationsover the phone, there was a reunion, and soon everything wasback on track.

Carrying the weight of a grudge becomes immobilizing overtime. It is human nature to feel hurt when we have been violatedby another person. It is also human nature to seek revenge, evenif revenge consists of withholding any attempts at reconciliation.A well-known expression says, “To err is human, to forgive divine.”What often gets forgotten in this adage is that we hold a spark ofdivinity that enables us to do God’s work ourselves. Nothing ismore paramount to removing roadblocks of unresolved anger thanthe act of forgiveness. Carl Jung once said that we each have aresponsibility to bring light into our being. When we engage in theprocess of forgiveness, not only do we bring light to our heart, butthe whole world benefits as well.

What makes forgiveness hard to initiate is the feeling that we areletting someone off the hook for wrongs this person has committed.That’s not what forgiveness is all about. Forgiveness is not about

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changing someone’s behavior. Forgiveness is about letting go ofanger and resentment and moving on with your life. Acts of forgiveness don’t result in apologies (although this may happen).Many people confuse forgiveness with reconciliation; however,these are two very different concepts. Forgiveness is something youdo for yourself so that you can move on. If the other person benefits, that’s great, but that’s not what forgiveness is all about.Another aspect of forgiveness includes learning to forgive ourselvesfor holding a grudge or having less-than-becoming thoughts andbehaviors, which pull us down and deflate our human potential.Self-righteousness is the biggest roadblock to forgiveness. It canbe rather upsetting to realize that we are just as capable of doingan injustice as are people whom we find fault with. Forgiveness isgood not just for the soul but for the body as well. Research by theStanford University psychologist Carl Thoreson reveals that actsof forgiveness reduce stress-related illnesses such as headaches andulcers and perhaps many more.

ACTION PLAN 21: What are some ways to initiate the first steps offorgiveness? First, try to get a perspective, looking at the situationfrom a neutral point of view. Next, begin to process an acceptanceof how things are, which in turn will lead you to the realization thatmoving ahead with your life is the most productive thing you cando. Finally, do some soul-searching to see what it is in you that hasallowed you to hold onto these negative feelings for so long, andlet that go, too. Sometimes outside resources help you to makesense of the chaos that anger stirs in the soul. A great book on thetopic is Forgive for Good, by Fred Luskin, which is based on therenowned Stanford program.

A Change for the BetterIronically, despite the rapid social and technological changes thatare occurring today, human behavior is slow to change, particularlywhen it comes to our own health status. If you need proof of howchallenging it is to steer our lives in a positive direction, just lookat the poor record of weight-loss programs, with their 95 percentfailure rate. So, what is the secret of being able to successfully

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change? First, all issues of anger and fear must be addressed, lestthey hold you back from making further progress. Second, don’t tryto make a lot of changes at once. If you do, you’ll drive yourselfcrazy, which will only lead to more stress. Start by selecting onesuggestion in this chapter that you wish to incorporate into yourlife, and integrate this into your daily routine for several weeks untilyou have mastered it. Then, if you wish, try something else. As wehave learned from observing the successes in addiction treatment,support from friends and family is essential for positive changes tobecome permanent, so have the courage to ask for help. Finally,during times when your motivation is waning, call a like-mindedfriend to join you. Camaraderie is also essential, to nurture thehealth of the human spirit.

Lifestyle changes aren’t as physically dramatic as an extrememakeover, but they tend to last much longer because of the virtuesand the values adopted with the changes. As the hero maturesfrom the experiences and the wisdom gained from the journey, heor she is not only recognized but admired when walking up thepath, to rest confidently on home’s doorstep. Camaraderie alsomakes the welcome-home celebration all the sweeter, when youhave friends with whom to share your experience.

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PA R T I V

Back Home Again

Every journey away from home ultimately ends back at thefront doorstep, whether you attain the comfort of home ora sense of inner peace. The common denominator is that theunknown has been conquered, and the hero is recognized forhis valor. Campbell called the hero who returns home “a master of two worlds”: the world he initially left and the world he conquered so that he could return home.Returning home is itself a metaphor for a sense of resolution,the realization of an aspiration, which promotes a sense ofinner peace. May these final stories serve as a reminder thatyou, too, will make it home again as the master of twoworlds.

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7

The Winds of Grace

There are two ways to live your life.

One as if nothing is a miracle.

The other as if everything is a miracle.

— A L B E R T E I N S T E I N

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As a way to end each year with a reward, I head off to Hawaiito rest and rejuvenate my soul. Hawaii has become an arche-

typal sanctuary for me, particularly after I first read Anne MorrowLindbergh’s book Gift from the Sea in 1982. She and Charles tookrefuge there after the kidnapping and the ultimate death of their firstchild, in what became known as the crime of the twentieth century.Her book began as a collection of personal thoughts and reflectionson her life in the form of a journal. Since it was first published in 1955, Gift from the Sea has become a classic primer of self-reflection and personal triumph for women (and men) of all ages.

At workshops and conferences during the span of my twenty-five-year career, I have usually encountered many more women thanmen who have shown a yearning for wholeness. Men have beenenculturated to show strength and courage, while at the same timeto hide any signs of vulnerability. It would be foolish to think thatmen are less spiritual than women or even have less of a yearning forwholeness. Most men are simply trapped in the confines of their ownsocial structure. I believe that no gender has an advantage in feelinglife’s pain or intuiting special insights on the path to wholeness. Spir-itual hunger knows no difference between men or women. Just as theTaoist circle contains male and female aspects, we are all in this lifejourney together and we can certainly learn from each other.

So, like Anne Morrow Lindbergh, I, too, go to the north coastof Hawaii and sit upon the beach for days, listening to the soundof waves hitting the sand—something I don’t hear in Colorado, nomatter how hard I try. For over five years now, Hawaii has become

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T H E W I N D S O F G R AC E 215

a retreat, a home away from home, a place for me to sort throughvarious aspects of my life, find inspiration, resolve issues, begin newprojects, and enjoy the pristine beauty of nature at her finest. Iparticularly like Hawaii at this time of year, because there are veryfew tourists, and it seems to me that unlike the mainlanders, theisland residents haven’t become overly commercial in their celeb-ration of the holiday season. My annual trip to Hawaii is moreaccurately described as a pilgrimage, a journey where I pause togracefully remember all the many blessings that have come into mylife. It is also a time of self-reflection, when I ask myself how I cancontinue to make this a better world in which to live.

Of Attempted Suicide and ServiceThe flight from Denver to Hawaii is a long one, and the airlineshave figured out that if they can keep passengers sedated with amovie and food, sitting still for eight hours doesn’t seem nearly astorturous. On this particular flight, the movie was It’s a WonderfulLife, starring Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed. I had seen it oncebefore as a child, but this edition had been transformed into color.Despite the voice in my head that begged me not to be a traitor tothe original black-and-white version, I found myself immediatelydrawn in, as if watching the movie for the first time. For the fewpeople who may never have seen this classic (and even for thosewho have), a quick review is in order. Jimmy Stewart’s character,George Bailey, sacrifices a life of dreams and ambitions when hisfather dies, to serve the town of Bedford Falls as the head of theSavings & Loan. Just when things seem to turn for the better,instead they get worse—at every turn. Eventually, George decidesto end it all one Christmas Eve and commit suicide by jumping offa bridge into ice-cold water.

With the help of an angel (and accompanied by the ever-presentringing of bells), George is shown what the town would have beenlike in the grips of a greedy banker, had George never lived and,specifically, all the people’s lives that he so greatly influenced withacts of kindness. Perhaps what has endeared the movie to so manyAmericans for six decades are these inherent questions: Whose

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lives have we positively affected? and How have we made this worlda better place to live? As was made clear in the movie, the beauty oflife is that more often than not, we may never really know whose liveswe positively affect as we navigate the course of our own human journey. But rest assured that the ripple each of our lives makes onthe huge lake of humanity goes well beyond our own vision, to affectcountless people in ways we cannot even imagine.

Perhaps it was not a coincidence that the day after I arrived onthe “Garden Island” and headed to a local bookstore to do a booksigning, I met Derek. He was a young man, about twenty-five yearsold, and the first thing I noticed about him was his warm smile, darkwavy hair, and sapphire eyes. He was one of the first people to showup that night, but before I could start a conversation with him, theroom quickly filled with people. As I began my presentation, Ilooked over at Derek. Although his smile was still present, this timeI observed something else. Glancing at his arms, I noticed longscars on the inside of his wrists, the undeniable marks of a suicideattempt. I continued my talk, sharing stories about people whoemerged from stressful events with grace and dignity. When I wasdone, a line quickly formed at the table where I was to sign books.Derek waited patiently until all the other people had left and thenpulled up a chair to talk.

“I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed your presentationtonight. I have been working on some major issues in the past year,and I feel like I am really making some headway. I have been fight-ing depression for several years now,” he explained, pointing to his wrists. “I ended up going to see a new doctor this year, who discovered I have a chemical imbalance, and I am doing so muchbetter. But I sense that in my case, it’s more than just a chemicalimbalance. As I lay dying on the floor in a pool of blood that day,and I might have been dead, for all I know, I heard a voice—a verydistinct voice. It said to me that love is the divine force that holdsthe universe together. This is why we are all here. Fear, in all its manyforms, is the absence of love. In giving love, we receive it tenfold.Love is far more subtle than it is dynamic. I now know this to betrue.” He paused for a moment and then continued.

“Something you said reminded me of that mystical experience.I wasn’t sure why I came here tonight. I guess we all need to be

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reminded every chance we get. Thanks for your message about thehealing power of love.”

The look in Derek’s crystal-blue eyes had a unique blend ofconfidence and enthusiasm, as well as a wisdom far beyond hisyears. I could tell that he had made the voyage home.

“There is an expression here in Hawaii I thought you mightlike, as it resonates with everything you speak about. It goes likethis: ‘No rain, no rainbows.’” Then, with a strong handshake anda warm smile, he turned toward the door and disappeared.

Derek’s story reminded me of a similar exchange. Several yearsago I took a trip to St. Moritz, Switzerland, to do some photography.In what can only be described as unsurpassed mountain splendor,a series of lakes rests strategically in a valley between two smallmountain ranges. One afternoon, I went exploring with my cameraand was delighted to see people flying kites in a field near one ofthe lakes. The image of colorful kites against a backdrop of ruggedmountains and blue sky has been imprinted on my mind ever since.I took several shots with my telephoto lens, but as I approached, Irealized that the three people flying kites were seated in wheel-chairs. After taking a few more photos, I struck up a conversationwith the nearest kite flyer, who was named Peter. He told me thathe had taken up kite flying quite unexpectedly.

“See that lake over there? I was going to end my life one cloudyafternoon by wheeling up to the edge of the dock and droppingmyself over when no one was looking. The lake is actually quitedeep. I had it calculated that by the time someone might help me,it would be too late to save me. I didn’t plan on some teenage kidwith a kite asking me to help him fly the damn thing. You see, itreally takes two people to get this thing up in the air, and there wasno one else around that day. He was determined to fly that kite, andhe wouldn’t take no for an answer. Perhaps at some level he knewwhat my plan was. So I postponed my rendezvous with death, andit’s been on hold ever since. That day, what I call IndependenceDay, I came to realize how much more important giving is thanreceiving. That’s really what life is all about. I also realized howmuch fun it is to fly a kite. The element of fun had been missingin my life, and he brought it back with something as simple as flyinga kite. The odd thing is, I’ve come back here every day since and

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have never seen that kid. What do you make of that? I ended up buying a kite, and I definitely need help to get it off the ground. Sonow, when I see someone who looks lonely and dejected, I ask himor her for assistance. The person never says no.” He smiled. As Ishook his hand, he said, “Kite therapy! I can’t walk, but I can fly.”

Peter’s smile was contagious, and I, too, walked away with ahuge smile on my face, thinking, once again, that you just neverknow whose lives you touch enough to make a difference. LikeDerek, Peter had also made it home. Indeed, it’s a wonderful life!Somewhere, I know there was an angel flying a kite because thewinds of grace were blowing strong that day.

The Never-Ending Story (Laughing Again and Again)

If I’ve learned one thing from the experience of storytelling, it’s thatjust when you think you have finished a story, there is always some-thing more to share. As the proverbial expression says: Life goes on,and so do the stories that try to contain each human life within thelinear confine of words. In my book Stressed Is Desserts Spelled Backward, I told several stories of remarkable people who had comeinto my life, people who exemplified grace and dignity through theworst of human experiences. One such chapter, “Making AndrewLaugh,” was the story of Andrew Adams, a quadriplegic who usedhumor as his muscle of the soul to aid in his healing process.

As often happens with acquaintances over the years, I had losttouch with Andrew, a student at American University, but fatebrought us back together again in the summer of 2000. It was tenyears after we first met. Andrew was now married to a beautifulwoman named Lauren, and they were expecting their first child,Alexis, within a week’s time. As he does each time we part company,Andrew reminded me of my lifelong promise to him that I wouldmake people laugh. In the spirit of what goes around comesaround, this particular reminder became an investment of sorts,which paid untold dividends for Andrew in the months ahead.Before I left the bookstore that night, I gave Andrew my e-mailaddress, knowing that we would indeed be in touch soon. One

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morning I turned on my computer to retrieve my e-mail and gotthis message from his wife:

Dear Friends, like the song says, it’s been a long, cold,lonely winter. The reason you haven’t heard from me in awhile is because I’ve had nothing good to say. Andrew’s beenin and out of hospitals with infections and abscesses thatantibiotics can’t seem to beat. He was in for a week in January, three weeks in February, and has been in againsince having emergency surgery last Tuesday. He’s now in arehab hospital where he’ll be for at least five more weeks,best-case scenario, and on IV antibiotics for two and a halfmonths. Andrew figures he’s been in bed for six of the ninemonths we’ve lived in New England, and he’s sick and tiredof being sick and tired. We both are.—Lauren

Remembering my promise to Andrew, I quickly drafted a letterand decided to try something. Knowing how the Internet can serveto rally a crowd, I sent it out as a personal letter to over fifty people, in the hopes that friends, acquaintances, and colleaguesmight pull together to lend a helping hand. Sometimes, we must actas “spiritual aids” for others on their quests. Here is what I wrote:

May 10, 2001Dear Friends and Family: a small favor please?

I just got word that Andrew is back in the hospital. Asyou might remember, Andrew was featured in my bookStressed Is Desserts Spelled Backward, in the chapter “MakingAndrew Laugh.” Andrew became a quadriplegic at age thirteen, and it was humor that helped him get through thisterrible ordeal. Once again, he needs our help!

Last fall, Andrew was hospitalized with a bed sore infec-tion. Major surgery was required. Apparently, there is nowan infection, and Andrew is back in the hospital for an undetermined and indefinite length of time, possibly moresurgery, and God knows what else. As you can imagine, thishas been a huge hardship on him, his wife, Lauren, and, ofcourse, their baby daughter.

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When I was on a national TV talk show last week, I mentioned that Andrew was back in the hospital. His wifecalled me to tell me that he actually saw the show live andwas very touched that he was remembered. Knowing thepower of e-mail, and the power of love, I’d like to ask you (andanyone you know who may wish to do the same) once againfor your help in dropping Andrew a card or a joke. I trulybelieve that love is the greatest healing energy of all, and itcomes in a great many ways: humor, patience, optimism, andcompassion. So if you feel so moved, here is his address. Iknow he would appreciate it.

Thanks so much! In love and peace,Brian Luke Seaward

Over the next several months, I too, wrote Andrew severaltimes and sent him a stack of jokes (contents from my tickler note-book) that have been e-mailed to me over the years. We also talkedon the phone several times. On one occasion, he was elated to tellme that he had received well over two hundred cards, letters, andjokes. He was astonished because he had no idea that he had somany fans out there. (Can you imagine if you were in his shoes?)One day, I got an e-mail from Lauren, with the great news thatAndrew was home from the hospital. Within the next few days, thise-mail showed up in my mailbox.

Hi, Luke, Yes, I’m home. It’s been a long time but I’mback. I still have some healing to do, and I am only allowedto get up in my chair for an hour at a time, but it’s good tobe back home. All the cards and good wishes have beenwonderful; they have really helped me to get through thiswith a smile on my face. Every time I received a letter, card,joke, or message of hope and goodwill (especially themural!), I could feel my spirit rise. I want to thank you somuch; even though this has been a VERY LONG haul, it hasbeen easier since I have taken your class and with the gen-erous acts of kindness from everyone you have told about myhospitalization. Please forward this message to all of those

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you asked to help me through this. I have always loved thephrase “no matter where you go, there you are,” only thistime I was there with so many people letting me know “we’rehere with you, and we’re going to help you get throughthis.” I look forward to hearing from you.All the best,Andrew

P.S. I was coming back home from a new doctor’s appoint-ment, where I got another opinion, when Lauren and Idecided to stop and have lunch. We stopped at a Chineserestaurant and had some good food, and our fortune cookiescame up next. Well, guess what my fortune said: “A merryheart does good like a medicine.” How about that!

Holding his letter in my hand, I walked up the path to my frontdoor. As I reached for the doorknob, the winds of grace blew gentlyacross my face and reminded me once again that it’s a wonderful life.

The Germination of SeedsAs any parent knows, you can impart some morsel of wisdom toyour child thousands of times, until the cows come home, and nomatter how many times you say it, you really wonder if it will eversink in. You just hope it does, and you hope you live long enoughto see the fruits of your labor pay off.

Teaching is much the same way. As a teacher, you just hope thatthe seeds of knowledge you cast out among the fields of aspiringyoung minds will take root someday. Unlike a parent, however, ateacher never really knows if or when these seeds will take root. Asthe expression goes, you cannot push water uphill. Indeed, wateralways finds its own level. That’s where faith steps in; you justtrust that all will work out as it should. Unless a student makes theeffort to get in touch, you just never really know. A few studentsdo in fact locate their former teachers. When this happens, you feellike you have died and gone to heaven. That’s how I felt the day Icame home to find this letter in my mailbox.

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January 14, 2000Dear Luke,

Ahoy from the peaceful shores of Seattle! This is a longoverdue letter from one of your American University students, class of ’93, your last semester, I believe. I shouldhave written much sooner; there’s been something I’ve beenmeaning to tell you. Remember when you told us that thethings you were teaching might take on greater significanceas we aged and matured (or failed to mature)? That was amajor understatement! In fact, you may have saved my life.This is my story:

I’m an alcoholic. I’ve been one since I was in my teens,and I was headed for more advanced stages when we crossedpaths. I had a DWI and was charged with another misde-meanor before I reached twenty. And that’s when they caughtme. But my legal difficulties were the least of my problems.I was becoming a vicious, animalistic monster, the veryantithesis of who I really was. I was alienating everyone Iloved and I had lost all self-respect. But try to tell me thatback then and you would’ve been treated to the work of amaster manipulator with true genius toward rationalizationand self-deceit.

And then, I had the beginnings of what I now see to be a spiritual awakening. It was suggested that I go to Alcoholics Anonymous. I went and my first instinct was to runout the door. They used words like God and spirituality. Whatthe hell did God and spirituality have to do with my problems?I am sure you know the answer to this question better than I.But, of course, my ego told me that these people were freaks,thinking that spirituality was the answer for them.

When was the last time I heard of talk like this? It wasfrom you. And you certainly weren’t a freak. You possesseda sincere inner calm. You helped people, and I believed youwere behind the concepts you taught. I remembered howimpressive some of your presentations were, how you could get a group of students to open their minds and trymeditation. I remember when you had a Native American

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shaman visit the class and how impressed I was with what heshared. I remembered when you told us that drugs and alcohol did not enhance spiritual development; they put upwalls. I did feel a spiritual link back then, for all my faults,and I saw some of the things you covered in the TwelveSteps. So maybe there was something to this spiritual anglethey talked about in AA, I thought. And I stayed.

I celebrated four years of sobriety on December 10,1999, and am still sober as I write this letter. I have gaineda deep and very personal appreciation for the concepts youintroduced me to and promised would become importantfurther down the road. Thank you.Sincerely,Steven M.

On the day I received this letter, I could have sworn I heard tinybells ringing everywhere, a reminder that indeed, it’s a wonderfullife! I also thought I could hear the faint voice of Joseph Campbellwhispering in the winds, telling me that the return home is glori-ous indeed.

Reason for Hope: Breaking Bread with Jane Goodall

In 1960, a young woman hiked into the jungle of Gombe, Tanza-nia to begin a study of chimpanzees that would last several decadesand that continues to this day. Her name is Jane Goodall. She is recognized for her discovery that human beings are not the onlyspecies to make and use tools and also for her tireless efforts as anenvironmental activist to save wildlife habitats around the globe.In a wonderful display of serendipity, our paths converged, and Ifound myself having breakfast with Jane in the spring of 2004. Shehad invited me to join her in a new environmental fund-raisingproject. During our time together, we revealed our concerns andour passion for the environment. It is no understatement to saythat as a species, humanity is on a Hero’s Journey, and humankindhas never confronted a bigger challenge than the obstacles we face now.

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Despite the clouds of uncertainty overshadowing our planet,Jane shared with me her desire to make this a better world to livein and the reasons she has hope for a better tomorrow. The firsttwo reasons were embodied in gifts she received from other people:symbols of achievement that transcend the limitations of ego. Onewas a California condor feather given to her by the individuals whowere responsible for bringing this magnificent bird back from thebrink of extinction; this is a symbol of what is possible. The secondgift was given to her by Nelson Mandela: a piece of rock from theprison quarry where he had been confined for more than twenty-sixyears under the rule of apartheid. She carries it with her as a signof both forgiveness and powerful, peaceful transformation. Thethird reason for hope was a spiritual gift: a mystical experience shehad in Nebraska, watching the migration of the sand hill cranes.It occurred on the same day in 2003 that the war broke out in Iraq:a sign that in a world of chaos, there is still beauty, and this beautyis worth saving.

“Despite signs of imbalance, I believe in the power of thehuman spirit, but we must act now,” she said.

To sit in the presence of Jane Goodall is to experience gracefirsthand. Moreover, to see her work take root around the world,through programs like “Roots and Shoots,” is proof not only thatone person can indeed make a difference, but that we are all calledupon to be the winds of change that produce the winds of grace.

The Winds of GraceOne day I got a call from my good friend and colleague Elizabeth“Rabia” Roberts. She invited me to lunch. She was excited abouther new book project and wanted to share some ideas. I arrived atthe Sunflower Café to find both her and her husband, Elias, andthey couldn’t wait to talk about this exciting endeavor. Their newbook idea was the third in a sequence of collected poems andprayers, following the success of Earth Prayers and Life Prayers.This manuscript, Prayers for a Thousand Years, was unique, in thata host of people had been asked to contribute new poems, prayers,thoughts, and reflections on the future of humanity. Eliasexplained the premise of the book this way: “We are concerned

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with all this talk about despair as we turn the corner into the newmillennium. There is a cloud of gloom and doom over the planet.There seems to be little hope for future generations and muchanguish and frustration among members of the younger genera-tion. We want to try to bring forth a sense of hope and faith wherethere is despair, and turn this perception around for the better.”

Elizabeth added, “To be honest, we are concerned with theattitude of humanity. There is no doubt that we are at the cross-roads, with many decisions to be made. This book project is ourattempt to lift the spirits of men and women everywhere. We haveasked people like Nelson Mandela, Rosa Parks, James Taylor, JaneGoodall, Jimmy Carter, Desmond Tutu, and scores of others towrite a passage of inspiration.”

Taking his cue, Elias stepped in. “So, with that in mind, wewould like to ask you to make a contribution as well. Would yoube willing?” And with that, he passed me a folder with a copy ofthe book proposal and the guidelines to follow. I placed the folderin front of me and shook their hands in admiration.

“Sure,” I said. “I would be honored.”I thought long and hard about what kind of message I could

impart to the kids of tomorrow, what lasting words I could sharein a simple message. Then it dawned on me that the only answerwas to share the message that had been given to me by the specialpeople who had blessed my life with the colors of love’s rainbow.

Within the next few days, I found myself seated on a jet flyingover the great plains of the Midwest. I sat with pen in hand, asthoughts of inspiration circled inside my head. This prayer practically wrote itself. Actually, I based my prayer on a line thathad been surfacing in my mind for several months. The line “thewinds of change are the winds of grace” became the anchor for thepoem. Unlike the many people whom Elizabeth and Elias hadspoken of, I saw and continue to see great hope for the family of humanity on the planet earth. As it turned out, there were somany submissions of poems and prayers, they couldn’t all be used.In fact, Elizabeth and Elias received so many contributed prayers,there were enough for three volumes. As a result, my prayer wasnever included, but I sensed that one day, it might find a home somewhere.

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I have met many wonderful and brave people who have enduredthe most hellacious events that life can offer. They have conveyedto me that some good can always come from a bad situation, if wechoose to learn from it—hence, the phrase “the winds of changeare the winds of grace.” Once I shared the following poem at anational conference and was inundated with requests, perhaps toserve as an inspiration to chart a new course for home. I havelearned that since that time, this poem has been recited at manygatherings and memorial services. It feels appropriate to share itonce again at the end of this book. Peace!

The Winds of Grace

Disturbing are the winds of change,As they produce growing pains.Oh God, I seek a safe portTo harbor my fears and worries.Grant me the courage,To endure the winds of change.

Comforting are the winds of grace,As they instill a sense of faith.Oh God, fill my sails with loveOn this journey of self-exploration.Grant me the insight,To enjoy the winds of grace.

Blessed are the winds of grace,As they invigorate my human spirit.Oh God, I seek to know my purposeIn the community we know as “one people.”Grant me the strength to do my work.The winds of change are the winds of grace.

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227

EpilogueSacred Spaces

and Divine Inspiration

It is autumn. I am walking in front of the majestic snow-coveredTetons. Mount Moran stands tall at sunset, with its clear reflec-

tion in the calm waters of Jackson Lake. To my left and right standaspen trees dressed in their fall regalia: golden leaves that shimmerwith the slightest breeze. Streaks of sunlight reach beyond theclouds and find their way to the waters below, setting the lake onfire. To the east, the moon, nearly full, is seconds away from begin-ning its journey across earth’s sky. My eyes are saturated with thisundisturbed beauty, and my heart is filled with unimaginable joy. Ifheaven exists on earth, and I know it does, then I am surely here ina sacred space.

Scientists can postulate theories for the splendor of the GrandTetons, such as the movement of the earth’s surface on a fault line,but geological facts don’t adequately account for a definite element

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of divine spirituality, one that cannot be ignored by the humanheart. I certainly cannot deny it. Nor can the other tourists who, likeme, have gathered in this spot at this moment, to soak in everydetail through the five senses, in unison with each breath and heart-beat. Above all else, human spirituality is experiential, and the holi-ness of this moment allows me to retain its memory in each andevery cell of my body. The winds of grace have blown gently on theembers of my soul, and I ignite on fire.

Cathedral spires of rock, carved by wind, rain, and ice, reachtoward the celestial heavens and stand ever so humble against thebackdrop of an amber and crimson sky. The Tetons are a creationof biblical proportions, yet each detail, from the simplest blade ofgrass at their base, to the crevasses that hold the glaciers, and beyondto the most complex astrological galaxy far above, pays homage toGod’s creative energies. I have come many times to the Tetons fora spiritual retreat, to find peace of mind and comfort of soul. In thisvisit, as in every other, it happens instantaneously when the Tetonsfirst come into view. These mountains speak to me; sometimes theywhisper, sometimes they shout, but they always call to me. Today Ilisten, and I am speechless. I nod in silence. As with each previousvisit, my cares and worries quickly melt, then evaporate. Now I canonly give thanks—thanks to the recurring recognition that I ampart of the whole, an infinitesimal, yet essential, part of the universe.

Nature has been my therapist for over forty years. From my daysas a small boy, I would flee to the primeval forest and rock cliffsbehind my house, escaping the frenetic household, captive under thedark aura of alcoholism. The pine trees were my friends and confi-dants, the lake was my teacher, the clouds high above my silentpartner and, oftentimes, my guardians. They remain so today. God,in all its many faces, surrounds me and comforts me. More thanonce, I have heard these words whispered on the wind, “God is nota noun, but a verb.” I know the verb is love, and now years of expe-rience have shown me that love is more subtle than dynamic, man-ifesting through acts of optimism, humor, patience, courage, faith,humbleness, forgiveness, curiosity, persistence, and compassion.Years later, I heard these same words again by the philosopher/inventor Buckminster Fuller, “God is not a noun, but a verb.” Onecan only guess whether Bucky Fuller took walks in the woods as a young boy, but I know that he must have listened to the


E P I L O G U E 229

same divine whispers that fell on my ears so many years ago. I am in a taxi cab, riding from the airport to a hotel on what is

known internationally as the Strip, where millions of neon lights putthe central nervous system on full alert. To say that this even-milestretch of concrete and electricity is sensory overload is no slightexaggeration. This is my first time to Las Vegas, for decades knownaffectionately as “Sin City.” I am here to speak at an addictionstreatment counselor conference in a city renown for its addictions.The cab driver laughs at the incongruity. So do I. The next morn-ing I walk the empty streets, which oozed with people just hoursbefore. This city never sleeps, but I have caught it in quiet repose,and I take full advantage of it. I quickly notice that Vegas is sur-rounded by mountains, and I smile. A subtle magic in the mountainsstirs the imagination. Only a few steps on the Strip and it becomesobvious. With canals, a pyramid, and skyscraper replicas, Las Vegasis no stranger to imagination.

To see a city of blinking lights and water fountains blossom in anunforgiving desert is to marvel at human ingenuity. What mightlook like a large blight, an atrocity of greed to some people, is noth-ing less than a miracle of consciousness to others. I pause to thinkhow powerfully resourceful the human species is. I think that if thiscan be accomplished, so, too, can a cure for cancer be discovered andan end to all wars be found. I know that divine miracles abound inhuman creativity. As such, I know that human potential is limitless.Early settlers on their way to California, dehydrated in the Mojavedesert heat, referred to the area now known as Las Vegas as hell.Some people today say the same thing, albeit for different reasons.Perhaps heaven and hell are nothing more than perceptions of themind, human creations. I reserve judgment on this once-desert vista,now a booming metropolis. If nothing more, this artificial oasis hasbecome a testament to human endeavors. I know that God doesn’treside solely in pockets of uninhabited landscapes. The spirit ofGod is found everywhere, even on the Las Vegas Strip.

It is winter in the South Pacific. I am walking along one of thenorthern beaches on the isle of Kauai. I have the beach to myself,but I am not alone. Spirit fills land, sea, and sky. The water here isno ordinary shade of blue: azure here, sapphire there, indigo farther from the shore, and perhaps several more colors that I can-not adequately describe in words. The mountain of Kauai, a dor-


230 E P I L O G U E

mant volcano, stands like a crystal-clear green emerald in a settingof golden sand. Unlike the Teton range, which so often is coveredin snow, each mountain ridge along the Na Pali coast is lush greenevery day of the year. Barely an inch of naked rock can be seen any-where. Unlike the desert of Nevada, Kauai is known to be thewettest place on the planet. I marvel at the opposites and once againapplaud the simplicity of the Tao.

I stand between land and water. Between earth and sky. Betweenhere and the hereafter. If there is heaven on earth, and I know thereis, I am surely here once again.

This is my first time to the Garden Island, as Kauai, the oldestof the Hawaiian Islands, is affectionately known. It’s a place of magicand divine essence. Every expectation of paradise has been met andthen some. I came to heal from a relationship that ended abruptly,the pain intense. Nature has a certain way of healing that Westernmedicine has yet to discover. I walk the beaches, I hike the trails, Ibathe in the Pacific and become whole again. The land of the Kahu-nas has imparted a sacred space to open my closed heart once more.During my stay in Kauai, I have a vision. In the veil of a crimson sky,I close my eyes in meditation. Within moments, I am transportedthrough space and time to become surrounded by a brilliant golden-white light, a loving light that I cannot articulate in words, yet Iknow is very real. My hands, feet, and body dissolve into the light.Now, I am the light. I am love. It is euphoric. In knowing this, I kissthe face of God. Moments later, I return to the confines of my bodyand the room where I sit, forever changed. Now twilight surroundsthe island. The Milky Way appears to the soundtrack of rushingwaves at high tide.

The psychologist Carl Jung once argued with his mentor Freudby saying that we are not animals, with each action attributed to aninstinct. Rather, he insisted, we are spiritual beings, unfolding ourdivine nature as we explore the deepest reaches of the unconsciousmind. Prior to his death in 1961, Jung was asked whether he believedin God. Without hesitating, he answered, “No.” Then he paused forwhat seemed like an eternity. He slowly took the pipe out of hismouth and said, “I know.”

If I were asked the same question, I would give the sameresponse. I don’t believe in God. I know.


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Burnham, S. The Path of Prayer, New York: Viking Compass, 2002.Buscaglia, L. Living, Loving and Learning. New York: Fawcett Books,

1982.Campbell, D. The Mozart Effect. New York: Avon Books, 1997.Campbell, J. Hero with a Thousand Faces. Princeton, N.J.: Prince-

ton/Bollinen, 1949.———. (with Bill Moyers). The Power of Myth. New York: Doubleday,

1988.Capra, F. The Tao of Physics. Boston: Shambhala Books, 1975.Carlson, R., and B. Shields. Handbook for the Soul. Boston: Little, Brown

& Company, 1995.Castenada, C. The Teachings of Don Juan. New York: Pocket Books, 1968.Cheng, N. Life and Death in Shanghai. New York: Penguin Books, 1986.Chopra, D. Quantum Healing. New York: Bantam New Age Books, 1989.Cimino, R., and D. Lattin. “Choosing My Religion.” American

Demographics (April 1999): 60–65.Cohen, R. Milk: The Deadly Poison. Englewood, N.J.: Argus, 1998.Cousineau, P. The Hero’s Journey. Dorset, England: Element Books, 1999.Cousins, N. Anatomy of an Illness. New York: Norton, 1976.DeGraaf, J., et al. Affluenza: The All-Consuming Epidemic. San

Francisco: Berret-Koehler, 2002.Dreher, D. The Tao of Inner Peace. New York: Harper Perennial, 1990.Frankl, V. Man’s Search for Meaning (3rd edition). New York: Pocket

Books, 1984.Gelb, M. Thinking Like Da Vinci. New York: Dell Books, 1998.Gerber, R. Vibrational Medicine (3rd edition). Rochester, Vt.: Inner Tradi-

tions, 2001.Gibran, K. The Prophet. New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1923.Goleman, A. Emotional Intelligence. New York: Bantam Books, 1995.Goodall, J. Reason for Hope. New York: Warner Books, 1999.Graham, R. L. The Dove. New York: Harper & Row, 1972.Hawkins, D. Power vs. Force. Sedona, Ariz.: Veritas, 1995.Hoff, B. The Tao of Pooh. New York: Penguin Books, 1982.Huxley, A. Brave New World. New York: Perennial, 1939.———. The Perennial Philosophy. New York: Perennial Library, 1945.Janis, S. Spirituality for Dummies. Foster City, Calif.: IDG Books, 2000.

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Jung, C. Memories, Dreams, Reflections. New York: Vintage Books, 1961.———. Man and His Symbols. New York: Anchor/Doubleday, 1964.Krackauer, J. Into Thin Air. New York: Anchor Books, 1997.Lindberg, A. M. Gift from the Sea. New York: Vintage Books, 1955.Luskin, F. Forgive for Good. San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 2002.Lyman, H. The Mad Cowboy. Scribner: New York, 2001.Maslow, A. Toward a Psychology of Being. New York: Van Nostrand

Reinhold, 1968.McEwen, B. The End of Stress As We Know It. Washington, D.C.: Joseph

Henry Press, 2002.Ming-Dao, D. 356 Tao. San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 1992.———. Chronicles of Tao. San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 1993.Mitchell, S. Tao Te Ching. New York: HarperCollins, 1988.Narby, J. The Cosmic Serpent. DNA and the Origins of Consciousness. New

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2001.O’ Reagan, B., and C. Hirshberg, Spontaneous Remission—An Annotated

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Doubleday, 1994.Samuelson, M. Voices from the Edge. Marietta, Ga.: Longstreet Press, 2002.Seaward, B. L. Stand Like Mountain, Flow Like Water. Deerfield Beach,

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acceptance, 137–138, 204–206acupuncture, 168–169acute stress, 27Adams, Andrew, 218–221addiction to television, 183additives in food, 195“affluenza,” 67, 148alienation, 155Anders, Allison, 58anger

change and, 210ego and, 50expressions of, 45–46forgiveness and, 208–209as second veil, 51as survival emotion, 45unresolved issues of, 66–67,

131–134anger management, 187–188antioxidants in diet, 194Armstrong, Lance, 122attitude

of gratitude, 191–192out of rut, into groove, 58as paintbrush, 3, 39toward stress, 22–24

avoidance, 38–39, 170

balanceas aspect of life, 2–3of ego with soul, 161–165

of freedom with discipline,150–153

in human nature, 65–66intricacies of, 64of mental stimulation with quiet-

ness, 153–155of right-brain with left-brain

thinking, 155–158seeking, 181–182Taoism and, 19–20of technology with nature,

158–161wholeness and, 144–146of work life with personal life,

146–150in world, 3–4

bankruptcy, spiritual, 69“Beauty Poem,” 165Best Alternative Medicine, The

(Pelletier), 174bird’s eye view, 171–172boundaries, establishing, 178–180Brave New World (Huxley), 15–16breaking free and moving on,

55–57Breathing Clouds Meditation,

190–191Brown, H. Jackson, Jr., Life’s Little

Instruction Book, 150buffer theory, 111Burnham, Sophy, 202

I N D E X

233

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234 I N D E X

Buscaglia, Leo, Living, Loving andLearning, 40

butterfly, 138

Campbell, Josephon divine, 71–72Hero’s Journey and, 9, 28–31Hero with a Thousand Faces, The,

29Power of Myth, The, 7, 33on spiritual aids, 201

Capra, Fritjoff, The Tao of Physics,18

Carter, Gari, 76Castaneda, Carlos, The Teachings of

Don Juan, 74centering process (autumn)

duration of, 88–89Four-Chambered Heart Medita-

tion, 83–87Gift from the Sea exercise, 87–88initiating and enhancing, 82–83overview of, 79–80sensory static and, 80–81soul-searching and, 81–82

changerate of, 12stress and, 13, 20–21successful, 209–210

Chartres Cathedral, 79Cheng, Nien, 17–18chi, 168–169choices, accepting responsibility

for, 182chronic stress, 27Churchill, Winston, 14clear heart, 86–87collective unconscious, 109–110Columbine High School massacre,

6connecting process (summer)

all of life as connecting, 109–111bonds of love, 107–108Building and Nurturing Connec-

tions, 112–113

conduit of love, being, 108–109healing power of friends,

111–112Heart-to-Heart Meditation,

113–115overview of, 106

consciousnessas energy, 43stillpoint of, reaching, 91–92

coping skills, 170Cosmic Serpent, The (Narby), 99courage, 86creativity, art of, 157–158, 229

death, stages of, 187–188decompression, 175–178defense mechanisms, 44–45departure stage of journey, 29–30depression, 38–39, 155. See also

suicidedesire, as fifth veil, 53disease and stress, 25–26diversifying interests, 200–201Divine Proportion, concept of,

144DNA, 99–102domestication of ego, 163–164dormancy, spiritual, 69–70Dove, The (R. Graham), 146–147drifting off course, 36

editing life, 146. See also subtrac-tion, rules of

egobalancing with soul, 161–165fear, anger, and, 50lowering walls of, 97–98purpose of, 44–45stress and, 21–22

Einstein, Albert, 109–110, 158emotional health, definition of, 45empowerment, 196–197emptying process (winter)

being in world but not of it,89–90


I N D E X 235

Grieving Celebration, 94Hot Air Balloon Meditation,

92–93initiating, 92light at end of tunnel, 94–95overview of, 89Silent Walk Meditation, 93–94stillpoint of consciousness,

reaching, 91–92womb of creation, 90–91

empty spaces, art of, 155End of Stress As We Know It, The

(McEwen), 25–26enlightenment, 101–102exercise, physical, 174–175exercises

Building and Nurturing Connec-tions, 112–113

Call to Balance, 149–150DNA Meditation, 102–103Four-Chambered Heart Medita-

tion, 83–87Gift from the Sea, 87–88Grieving Celebration, 94Healthy Boundaries, 152–153Heart-to-Heart Meditation,

113–115Hot Air Balloon Meditation,

92–93Human Butterfly, 139–140Identifying Your Stressors, 47Seven Veils Meditation, 50–55Silent Walk Meditation, 93–94Spiritual Roots of Stress, 70–71Your Hero’s Journey, 32–33See also journaling exercises

experience, learning from, 71–73

faith, 129–131fatty acids in diet, 194fear

change and, 13, 14–15, 210ego and, 50as first veil, 51immune system and, 46

as survival emotion, 45unresolved issues of, 66–67

fiber in diet, 194fight-or-flight response, 24–25, 46Flanagan, Christine, 108–109food, processed, 192, 194–195forgiveness, 131–134, 208–209Fox, Matthew, 6Francis of Assisi, 164Frankl, Victor, Man’s Search for

Meaning, 150–151freedom, balancing discipline with,

150–153Freud, Sigmund, 161–162friends, healing power of, 111–112,

197–198full heart, 85funny bone, flexing, 172–173Funny Times (newspaper), 173

Gelb, Michael, How to Think Likeda Vinci, 158

Gift from the Sea (Lindbergh), 87,214

God, belief in, 227–230Goodall, Jane, 45–46, 223–224Graham, Billy, 69Graham, Robin Lee, The Dove,

146–147greed, as third veil, 52grieving, prolonged, 56grounding process (spring)

breath that refreshes, 105–106DNA, wisdom of, 99–100DNA Meditation, 102–103lowering walls and opening

doors, 97–98nuggets of wisdom, 98–99open mind as clear mind, 97overview of, 95–96quest for vision, 98seeking enlightenment, 96Vision Quest, 103–105

hardy personality, 124


236 I N D E X

Hawkins, David, Power vs. Force,151–152

healing powerof friends, 111–112, 197–198of love, 216–217of prayer, 201–204

health, emotional, definition of, 45heart

clear, 86–87full, 85open, 85strong, 86

heart chakra, 113–114Heart-to-Heart Meditation,

113–115hell, going through, 14Hepburn, Audrey, 164–165herbal remedies, 195Hero’s Journey, 29–32, 36Hero with a Thousand Faces, The

(Campbell), 29hobbies, 200–201hope, reasons for, 224, 225–226How to Think Like da Vinci (Gelb),

158humor, 172–173, 218–221hunger, spiritual, 67–69Huxley, Aldous, 15–16, 22

immune system, 46, 195incorporation, 31initiation stage of journey, 30–31inner resources, 124–125. See also

muscles of the soulIt’s a Wonderful Life (movie), 215–216

journaling exercisesGift from the Sea, 87–88Unwritten Letters, 48–49Vision Quest, 103–105

judgment, reserving, 204–206Jung, Carl, 109–110, 115–116, 230

Kauai, 229–230

ki, 168kite therapy, 217–218Klein, Gerta Weissman, 39knowledge

freedom and, 3seeds of, 221–223

Kordis, Paul, 15kundalini energy, 101

labyrinth, 79Lao Tzu

on journey, 9Tao Te Ching, 2, 18–19, 90–91

laziness, as fourth veil, 52–53leap of faith, 120–122learning from experience, 71–73Leonardo da Vinci, 144Levenson, Sam, 164–165Life and Death in Shanghai (Cheng),

17life purpose

grounding process and, 96spirituality and, 70

Life’s Little Instruction Book (Brown),150

Lindbergh, Anne Morrow, 87, 214Living, Loving and Learning

(Buscaglia), 40love

call to, 118conditional, as seventh veil, 54–55healing power of, 216–217sharing and receiving, 107–109

Love, Medicine and Miracles (Siegel),43

mandala, 83–84Man’s Search for Meaning (Frankl),

150–151Maslow, Abraham, 123–124Matterhorn, 73McEwen, Bruce, The End of Stress

As We Know It, 25–26meat, free-range, 195


I N D E X 237

meditationBreathing Clouds, 190–191DNA, 102–103Four-Chambered Heart, 83–87Heart-to-Heart, 113–115Hot Air Balloon, 92–93relaxation response and, 26Seven Veils, 50–55Silent Walk, 93–94stress management and, 188–191

mental conditioning, 40–41mental stimulation, balancing with

quietness, 153–155mentors, 196mind over matter, 42–44Ming-Dao, Deng

on balance, 145365 Tao, 19, 91

mountainsGod and, 227–230molehills and, 26–27moving, 122–123

muscles of the soulacceptance, 137–138description of, 16faith, 129–131forgiveness, 131–134Human Butterfly exercise,

139–140overview of, 125–126patience, 126–128willpower, 32, 134–137

music, 185–187mystical experiences, 115–116myths

contact with, 33–34, 35–36Hero’s Journey, 29–32, 36

Narby, Jeremy, The Cosmic Serpent,99–101

naturelistening to, 186–187reconnecting with, 160–161,

198–199

spirituality and, 227–228as therapist, 228–229

negativity, 39Newberg, Andrew, Why God Won’t

Go Away, 26nutrition and stress management,

192–195

open heart, 85opposites, power of, 64, 65, 72optimism, 57–58organic produce, 194

Paradise Cove drug and alcoholrehabilitation program,135–136

paths to destination, 73–75patience, 126–128Pelletier, Kenneth, The Best Alter-

native Medicine, 174Perennial Philosophy, The (Huxley),

16perspective, keeping, 171–172Pienaar, Pine, 120–122positive health, 26Power of Myth, The (TV series),

28–29, 33Power vs. Force (Hawkins), 151–152pranayama, 168prayer, healing power of, 201–204Prayers for a Thousand Years

(Roberts and Roberts),224–225

present moment, living in, 40pride, as sixth veil, 54priorities, art of, 147–149Puritan ethic, 148–149purpose in life

grounding process and, 96spirituality and, 70

qi, 168quality of life in America, 23–24quantum theory, 110


238 I N D E X

Ralston, Aron, 32Reason for Hope (Goodall), 45–46relationships

connecting process and, 110grounding process and, 96spirituality and, 70

relaxation survival kit, 176–178resolution theme and Unwritten

Letters journaling exercise,48–49

responding vs. reacting, 180–181responsibility

choice and, 182freedom and, 150–151

return home stage of journey, 31right-brain thinking, balancing

with left-brain thinking,155–158

rites of passage, 103–104Roberts, Elizabeth and Elias,

Prayers for a Thousand Years,224–225

sacral area of spine, 101safety issues, 46Seasons of the Soul

centering process (autumn),79–89

connecting process (summer),106–115

emptying process (winter), 89–95grounding process (spring),

95–106overview of, 78–79

seeds of knowledge, 221–223seizing day, 206–207self-actualization, 123–124self-esteem, pillars of, 196sensory stimulation, minimizing,

80–81“Serenity Prayer,” 66Shank, Benjamin, 133Shank, Rose, 133–134Shepard, Judy and Dennis,

132–133

Shepard, Matthew, 132Siegel, Bernie, 43–44Spiegel, David, 111spirituality

attention to, 4–5belief systems and, 5–6dormancy of, 69–70as experiential, 5hunger for, 67–69mystical side of, 115–116nature and, 227–228paths to destination, 73–75profiles of, 76spirits on human path, 71–73stress and, 4–5, 59, 66three pillars of, 70

Spontaneous Healing (Weil), 184Stand Like Mountain, Flow Like

Water (book, Seaward), 6“Stand Like Mountain, Flow Like

Water” (poem, Seaward),117–118

“Stand like mountain, move likewater” proverb, 65

star gazing, art of, 160–161stillpoint of consciousness, reach-

ing, 91–92Streff syndrome, 67stress

acute vs. chronic, 27American and global, 2–3change and, 13coping with, 22–24definition of, 20–21, 66disease and, 25–26ego and, 21–22spirituality and, 4–5, 59, 66

Stressed Is Desserts Spelled Backward(Seaward), 7, 218

stress managementacceptance and, 204–206anger management and, 187–188approaches to, 168–170attitude of gratitude and,

191–192


I N D E X 239

bird’s eye view and, 171–172boundaries, establishing,

178–180decompression and, 175–178diversifying interests and,

200–201empowerment and, 196–197flexing funny bone and, 172–173forgiveness and, 208–209meditation and, 188–191music and, 185–187nature, getting back to, 198–199nutrition and, 192–195physical exercise and, 174–175prayer and, 201–204responding vs. reacting, 180–181seeking balance and, 181–182seizing day and, 206–207support system and, 197–198TV, turning off, 183–184

stressors, identifying, 47strong heart, 86stuck, staying

anger, fear, and, 45–46ego and, 41–42gilded cage and, 46–47See also unstuck, becoming

subtraction, rules ofego balanced with soul, 161–165freedom balanced with disci-

pline, 150–153mental stimulation balanced with

quietness, 153–155overview of, 146right-brain balanced with left-

brain thinking, 155–158technology balanced with nature,

158–161work life balanced with personal

life, 146–150suicide, 38–39, 215–218support system. See friends, healing

power ofsurvival and fight-or-flight

response, 24–25

Taoismbalance and, 19–20Cheng on, 18message of, 64mysticism and, 19Principle of Oneness, 110–111thresholds of, 59

Tao of Physics, The (Capra), 18Tao Te Ching (Lao Tzu), 2, 5,

18–19, 90–91Teachings of Don Juan, The (Cas-

taneda), 74technology, balancing with nature,

158–161“Ten Rules for Being Human,”

(Carter-Scott), 34–35terminal illness, dealing with,

76–77365 Tao (Ming-Dao), 19, 91Tierra, Michael, The Way of Herbs,

195transcender, taking role of, 123. See

also muscles of the soultraveling light, 89–90TV, turning off, 183–184

unconscious, collective, 109–110Universal Law of Attraction, 39unstuck, becoming

breaking free and moving on,55–57

ego and, 44–45mind over matter and, 42–44out of rut, into groove, 58Seven Veils Meditation, 50–55Unwritten Letters journaling

exercise and, 48–49See also stuck, staying

valuesgrounding process and, 96spirituality and, 70

victim, taking role of, 122victimization, feelings of, 179, 182vision quest, 98, 107


240 I N D E X

Vitruvian Man (da Vinci), 144von Oech, Roger, 157

water, drinking, 195Way of Herbs, The (Tierra), 195Weil, Andy, Spontaneous Healing,

184Wellman, Marc, 76What’s So Bad about Feeling Good?

(movie), 57wholeness, concept of, 144–146,

214Why God Won’t Go Away (New-

berg), 26

will of human spirit, 76–77willpower, 32, 134–137Wilson, Jim, 206“Winds of Grace, The” (Seaward),

226work life, balancing with personal

lifeCall to Balance exercise, 149–150overview of, 146–147priorities, art of, 147–149

yin/yang symbol, 18, 64–65


Brian Luke Seaward, Ph.D., is considered a pioneer in the field ofhealth psychology and is internationally recognized for his contributions in the areas of holistic stress management, humanspirituality, and mind-body-spirit healing. The wisdom of Dr. Seaward is often quoted in PBS specials, college graduationspeeches, medical seminars, boardroom meetings, church sermons and keynote addresses all over the world. Dr. Seaward ishighly respected throughout the international community as anaccomplished teacher, a consultant, a motivational speaker, anauthor, and a mentor. It’s been said several times that Brian LukeSeaward looks like James Taylor, dresses like Indiana Jones, andwrites like Mark Twain. He is the author of several books, includ-ing Stressed Is Desserts Spelled Backward, The Art of Calm, Health ofthe Human Spirit, and the popular Stand Like Mountain, Flow LikeWater. Many of the meditation and visualization exercises foundin this book are narrated by the author and are available on CD for purchase through his Web site. Dr. Seaward can bereached at www.brianlukeseaward.net.

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It’s been said that when you listen to great music, you eavesdropon the thoughts of God. I love music, and perhaps that is why Iam often asked by people who know me whether I could recom-mend a selection of great music that promotes relaxation. I havemade several compilation CDs of my favorite instrumental songsand often let the music waft through my house. In the fall of2003, I was approached by my friend and colleague Javier Sanz,the creative director of EverSound Music, to compile my favoritepieces from the EverSound Music collection to make a CD thatwill be released in conjunction with this book. From soft guitarmelodies and romantic cello interludes to piano and flute piecescomposed and performed by the likes of Lino, John Mills, ManuelIman, and John Adorney, it wasn’t easy to edit this collectiondown to sixteen songs. The result, One Quiet Night, quicklybecame a labor of love, and I am delighted to be able to recom-mend this CD as my favorite collection of instrumental songs topromote relaxation. I think you will agree. You can visit Ever-Sound Music at www.eversound.com.

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ON E QU I E T NI G H T CDA N D EV E RSO U N D MU S I C

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quiet mind, fearless heart the taoist path through stress and spirituality

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