2013 EROS

I AM GOING TO MAKE IT THROUGH THIS YEAR

IF IT KILLS ME

1.

LATE NIGHTS SPENT IN HOT ASH BATHS IN HOT ASH BATHS RUNNING

WATER RUNNING UNTIL BLACK MOLD ATE THROUGH OUR SPINES LATE NIGHT

HACKLES DRAWN FROM INNER SORES LATE BATHS HOT ASH PRESSURE ON THE BACK OF THE TONGUE ASH BATHS HOT LATE NIGHTS

AND YOU WITH THE WHITE WHITE SNOW

2.

THIS IS THE PART WHERE I DISCOVERED FIRE THIS IS THE PART BEFORE I DISCOVERED BLOOD

THIS IS THE PART THAT ANTS CRAWL IN THROUGH THIS IS THE PART THAT’S WET

THIS IS THE PART THAT DIDN’T LEARN HOW TO TALK THIS IS THE PART MADE OF MUSCLES

THIS IS THE PART THAT DIDN’T LEARN HOW TO TALK THIS IS THE PART THAT CLOSES

3.

ONCE I’D DISCOVERED FIRE IT WAS EASIER TO GET THE WORK DONE

ON BUILDING THE WORLD. I BUILT IT WITH YOU BECAUSE I LOVED YOU. I DON’T KNOW HOW TO STOP

I DON’T KNOW HOW TO STOP LOVING YOU BUT I BUILT THIS FIRE AND I BUILT

AND I BUILT AND I AND I AND I AND I AND I AND LAND I LAND ISLAND I I I

4.

NINE OF THESE CATS THAT I BUILT FROM SAWDUST ARE FOLLOWING ME. THEY LEARNED TO DO IT FROM A TRICK WHERE I FOLLOWED YOU. YOUR SLIME TRAIL

THAT I GAVE YOU, I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING, I FOLLOW UNTIL I REACH THE CENTER OF YOU. THE CATS FOLLOW I FOLLOW WE AL LEARNED IT FROM ME I INVENTED YOU FAIR EARTH UNDERNEATH MY WINGS WITH YEAST SMELL

LIKE EVERYTHING I MADE YOU’RE BREAD

5.

THESE PEOPLE GOT BROKEN THEIR THROATS SUCKED IN

BECAUSEOF LOVE I WANTED TO DO IT FOR YOU

I DIDN’T MEAN TO DO ANYTHING WRONG

6.

THE BREAST BONE WAS AN INVENTION

OF A THING I INVENTED IT IS NOT MINE

DO NOT BLAME ME FOR YOUR FEELINGS OF LOVE

7.

IF I TOLD YOU YOU WERE MADE

OUT OF THE EARTH WOULD YOU KNEEL

AND ROLL IN IT LIKE A PUPPY

WOULD YOU KNEEL TO IT LIKE A SISTER

KNIGHT OR WOULD YOU SPIT THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT

TO THE DEVELOPMENT OF FUTURE EARTH GROWN CREATURES

SUCH AS YOURSELF PLEASE ANSWER HONESTLY

8.

WHEN I INVENTED EVERYTHING I DIDN’T INVENT MATH IT WAS ALREADY THERE

SITTING ON MY COUCH FOR ETERNITIES EATING POPCORN SLOWLY

I TOLD IT TO GO AWAY AND IT WAS LIKE NO

NO NO NO AND THERE IS NO OTHER ANSWER WHEN YOU TALK TO A WALL SLEEPING ON YOUR COUCH

SIXTEEN WEEKS WITH THE POPCORN IT’S ME IT’S ALWAYS BEEN ME

I’M SORRY I LIED TO YOU

9.

AFTER I GOT FIRE RIGHT AND ASH AND BATHS

I TOOK A BREAK AND MADE MARS

I STUCK MY FINGERS INTO ITS SWEET RED BEAN

DEATH GROUND AND MADE A FACE I WOULD APOLOGIZE

FOR CONFUSING YOU ALL BUT IT’S MY JOB TO MESS

WITH YOUR HEADS A LITTLE

10.

I CONTROL CURSES I CONTROL THE HORNED GOD

I LEASH THE PANTHEON I TURN YOU INTO TREES

I AM THE SWAN I AM THE HAND

I AM THE ILLNESS I AM NOT THE FIX YOU ARE THE FIX

YOU ARE PANACEA YOU ARE LIKE ME

Jess Dutschmann wrote this story. She lives in New Jersey.

She blogs at jessdutschmann.blogspot.com. She’s not a natural redhead.