“Life is short, but there is always time enough for courtesy.”RALPH WALDO EMERSON, POET 03POLISH YOUR SKILLS

QSometimes I end up feelingbad when by soccer coach

pulls me up for not playing wellenough. His criticism is fairly con-structive but it neverthelesshurts me. What can I do to benefitfrom positive criticism and avoidfeeling all wounded?– A Difficult Teen

A. Hi, it’s great that you are trying togain something positive out of criti-cism. It’s never easy but it’s possibleHere are some tips that will help.

CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS: Usuallywhen you are being criticised, the firstresponse is to get emotional. When youknow before your meeting with a cer-tain person of authority that there maybe some bad review coming up, take a

moment to maintain your composure.Finally, when the meeting is on, resistthe urge to reply with a fight-or-flightresponse. Listen with an open mind.

AVOID NEGATIVE THOUGHTS: Trynot to cloud your mindwith cynicism whenyou have to facecriticism. Negativethinking such as,“My coach justdoesn’t like me” iscounterproductive.Think of how you can better your gameand work towards your ‘goal’ positively.

YOUR RESPONSE IS CRUCIAL:Seniors (teacher, principal, coach)notice how a student accepts feedback.If you are able to handle criticism in amature way, it will go in your favour.Once a student reacts too emotionallyto criticism, he/she is called difficult.So, be mindful and tactful.

GET FEEDBACK: Show a genuineinterest in the feedback. Ask for exam-ples of the performance issue; acknowl-edge the problem and the need forimprovement. Get to know from yourcoach important tips that will help youovercome your flaws. TTeeaamm NNIIEE

ExpertSPEAK

LIFE SKILLS

ETIQUETTE MATTERS

Mentally strong people are essentialists and hereare seven things they won’t do at all

WORRYINGABOUT WHAT

OTHERS THINK

5Worrying can cause you to avoid takingrisks and doing things where you mightget criticised or rejected — like applying

for a new study course or speaking up to some-one who hurt you. Mentally strong people don’t

make it their job to make other peoplehappy. They’re confident in who they

are, and they ensure that their priorities are in line with

their values.

Some people seem to think that being strong meansbeing able to do anything and everything. Butthat’s not true. Strong people actually put theirtime and energy into the things that matter themost. They say no to things that might distractthem from their goals. So, here are seven things

mentally strong people don’t waste time doing:

1 You won’t catch amentally strong person stuck in

analysis paralysis. Theyrefuse to overthink things.Instead, they evaluate theiroptions and take action.They know therisks they takeand that thechoices theymakewon’talways beperfect.But theyhave confi-dence thatthey’ll be okayno matter whathappens. They alsohave an appetitefor taking risks(with some plan-ning, of course)and thinking oflong-term success.

Paytm founder VijayShekhar Sharma says,“There is no fun indoing what others askyou to do. The realfun is in doingwhat peoplesay you can’t do”

OVERTHINKINGTHINGS

2 Mentally strong people accept full respon-sibility for their actions. But they don’tengage in toxic self-blame. They refuse to

beat themselves up for their mistakes, becausethey know that harsh self-criticism isn’t effec-tive. Instead, they know that self-compassion isthe key to doing better, and so they choose tospeak to forgive themselves when they mess up.Many celebrities have moved ahead in life aftergoing through big failures but they have bouncedback because of their ability to focus on theirwork, minus negative self-criticism.

BEATING THEMSELVES UP

Swimmer MichaelPhelps believes that allit takes is imagination.He says: “You dream.You plan. You reach”

3 Wishful thinking can stir up painful emotions. Whether youwish you had parents who treated you differently, or youwish your teacher had not given you that extra project, you

might get stuck dwelling on situations you can’t change, and missout on new opportunities. Mentally strong people don’t waste theirprecious time wishing they had been dealt a different hand.Instead, they put their energy into doing the best they can.

WISHING THINGS WERE DIFFERENT

6 Mentally strong people aren’t afraidof being sad, but they refuse tobecome hopeless. Rather than

waste time hosting pity parties, they findhealthy ways to cope with discomfort.

FEELING SORRY FORTHEMSELVES

When actor Aishwarya RaiBachchan was criticisedfor her ‘purple lips’make-up on the red carpet in Cannes in 2016,she defended her off-beatchoice, saying, “I had fun with it”

4 It can be temptingto complain aboutpeople you don’t

like or situations you findunfair. But complaining tothose around you doesn’tdo anyone any good. That’swhy mentally strong peo-ple don’t waste time com-plaining to people whocan’t help. Instead, theyaddress their concerns to people who really dohave the power to fixtricky situations.

COMPLAINING TOPEOPLE WHOCAN’T HELP

7 Replaying conversations in your head orruminating on mistakes will keep youstuck in a place of pain. It can interfere

with your ability to move forward. Mentallystrong people instead focus on managing theiremotions. When they’re able to fix a situation,they take positive action, such as practisingyoga or spending time in nature.

REHASHING THINGS THEYCAN’T CHANGE

The late fashiondesigner CocoChanel said, “I don’tcare what you thinkabout me. I don’tthink about you at all”

There’s a scene in the movie ‘Down-ton Abbey’ — set in early 1900sBritain — that had left everyonein splits. The dowager countess,

played by Dame Maggie Smith, much tothe amusement of the audiences, asks:“What’s a weekend?” Our grandpar-ents/parents have a similar responsewhen we talk about personal space.An almost-alien concept even adecade ago in India, it’s difficult toexplain what constitutes ‘personalspace’. But understanding it is theneed of the hour in our country.

Terms like ‘alone time’, ‘per-sonal space’, ‘boundary’ are hit so-cial media hashtags these days asmore and more people are negotiat-ing (and renegotiating) conventionalboundaries set by old societal standards.

The India storyIn India especially, personal space

as a concept hassuddenly come tothe forefront be-cause we havejumped quite a fewemotional commu-nication hoops in avery short time. Wehad hardly movedfrom joint familiesto a nuclear onewhen the DigitalRevolution changedour lives drastically.And just when wewere getting used togadgets, social me-dia changed the way the whole world communi-cated. Check rules (in the box) we must follow togive and get personal space.

Times Life

MANNER CURIOUS

UNSTATED RULES OF PERSONAL SPACEPERSONALSPACE ETIQUETTEMANUAL➤ The most seriousaggressions often comefrom those closest to us.Just communicate.➤ Observe boundaries inschool/college/commute.➤ Call it to the invader’s attention — personal or professional —and give time to correct the behaviour.➤ The immobility or inability to manage personal borders generates a high emotional cost. Try to understand it.

Ralph Adolph andDaniel P Kennedy, neu-rologists at theUniversity of Caltech,US, discovered a struc-ture in our brainresponsible for tellingus where the limits ofour personal space lies

SCIENCE OFPERSONAL SPACE

On the right: Actor Maggie Smith in the popular film ‘Downton Abbey’

The language of good manners isnever old-fashioned. Here are somecommon phrases one should incor-porate into their everyday language.➤ PPlleeaassee – This is one of those basicwords that can show good manners or

come across as sarcastic, based onyour tone. When you are asking forsomething, do say it. ➤ TThhaannkk yyoouu – When someone doessomething nice for you, say, “Thankyou.” Not doing so can make youappear rude and entitled. ➤ EExxccuussee mmee – This is an acknowledg-ment that you are asking forgivenessfor leaving while the dinner is still on,coughing, or otherwise disruptingsomething you are engaged in.

Why commonpolite phrasesmake sense

SOURCE: BUSINESSINSIDER.IN

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FACT: While Tintin (comic charac-ter) has explored many countries inhis comics, Hergehadn’t visited asingle country inhis lifetime. Theseries ‘Tintin inTibet’ was themost cerebraland emotionalstory of Herge,and the serieswas heavily influenced by his nervous breakdown.

FACT: After becoming interestedin hydroplanes, Alexander G Bell

sketched out anearly model ofwhat wouldbecome knownas a hydrofoilboat. To honourBell’s contribu-tions toacoustical sci-

ence, the standard unit for theintensity of sound waves wasnamed the “bel” in the 1920s.

1847: Alexander Graham Bell, Scottish-born British-American inventor (tele-phone), was born in Edinburgh, Scotland.

1978: The remains of Charles Chaplinwere stolen from his grave in Cosier-sur-Vevey, Switzerland.

1983: Hergé [Georges Prosper Remi],Belgian comic book creator (‘TheAdventures of Tintin’), passed away.

THIS DAY THAT YEAR