Pick Your Battles with Your Kids

One of the things I learned when my kids were growing up was to pick my battles and it isn’t always

easy. Everyone has their own idea of what their household atmosphere should feel like and what it’ll

look like. As with many parents, the vision I had of my

home never included the messy teenagers’ rooms.

I’ll admit that it bothered me for a while. My son and I

had numerous arguments about cleaning his room. So

how did I resolve this situation and come to peace

with my messy teen?

The first thing I did was step away from the situation

quite literally. I couldn’t get calm while looking at the

mess, so I found a place where I did feel calm.

I quieted myself and I checked in with my Internal

Guidance System (IGS) before I attempted another

conversation with my son.

Without doing that, I knew any talks would turn out to

be arguments and that wasn’t helping either of us.

I took this time to explore my feelings and to also see

how my son might be feeling at my reaction to his

room. I became aware of just how negative my energy

was and realized he was picking up on that energy.

Rather than feeling my love for him and my desire for a happy, healthy environment, my son felt judged

and unloved.

Once I was aware of my own energy, I was able to have a conversation with him to help us come to a

conclusion that worked for both of us. Rather than me dictating a solution or demanding that he keep

his room to my standards, we agreed that he would keep his mess confined to his room and keep the

door closed so I didn’t have to see it. He had his space and I had mine.

If I’d continued arguing with him about his room, it might have damaged our relationship and it probably

wouldn’t have resulted in a cleaner room. He survived the mess and I’m happy to report he is a healthy

adult, living on his own. In a home that is quite lovely and tidy, I might add.

Not every battle with your kids will be as easily resolved as closing a door. The point is that by being

aware of the energy you’re bringing to a situation, it’s possible for you to step back and shift your

energy so you can come to a resolution with your kids.

I recall hearing a speaker years ago who told a similar story. His family warred over messy rooms and it

spilled over into other aspects of their lives. That all changed one day when a co-worker’s child was

admitted to the hospital with terminal cancer. Her words changed his life dramatically. She said to him,

“I would give anything to see my child in a messy room at home instead of in a tidy room in the

hospital.” In that moment, he decided to pick his battles and room cleaning wouldn’t be one of them.

There are times when you have to act in ways your children don’t like. This is especially true when

they’re quite young. You’re their parents after all. It’s your job to protect them from harm to the best of

your ability, but not every battle is one that needs to be fought. Some are minor skirmishes that are best

resolved through negotiation rather than an iron fist. What your children need most of all is to know

that you love them unconditionally, messes and all.

For more, please visit www.SharonBallantine.com.