performance coaching, sports psychology, and self-help breaking the myths

8/3/2019 Performance Coaching, Sports Psychology, and Self-help Breaking the Myths

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GarretKramer.com

Performance Coaching, Sports Psychology, and Self-help –

Breaking the Myths



http://GarretKramer.com

About Garret Kramer

Garret Kramer is the founder and managing partner of Inner

Sports, LLC. He has provided consulting and/or crisis

management services to hundreds of athletes and coaches;

from well known professionals, Olympians, and teams, to

high school and collegiate players across a multitude of

sports. A former collegiate ice hockey player, Kramer is

credited with bringing the principles of Mind,

Consciousness, and Thought to the athletic community at

large.

Kramer often lectures on topics related to the states of mind that lead to success on

and off the playing field. He has been featured on WFAN in New York, ESPN Radio,

WOR, FOX, CTV, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Sports Illustrated,

The Newark Star Ledger, The Toronto Star, The Philadelphia Daily News, and other

nationally syndicated sports programs and magazines. Kramer is the author of the

book Stillpower: The Inner Source of Athletic Excellence, forward written by NHL and

U.S. Olympic star Zach Parise.

Also he conducts seminars about his revolutionarily simple approach to coaching

and performance. From single teams or organizations, to coaches’ conventions, to

athletic departments, he is available to speak to your group.




Inexplicable Calm, Consistent Success

Clutch performances in big moments: Where do they really come from? Often, after

such a performance, you will hear

an athlete say, “For some

inexplicable reason, I just felt very

calm today.” But when the same

athlete doesn’t come through in a

big moment, he might say, “The

circumstances got to me; I just

couldn’t calm down.”

In fact, this confusion about the power of external circumstances leads many

athletes and performers to seek out “experts” who are willing to provide techniques

or coping mechanisms to help them through decisive games, matches, or life

situations in general. But why? Didn’t our athlete first say that he performed

calmly and successfully for no apparent reason?

Calmness, like anxiety, has nothing to do with one’s circumstances.

Truth be told, most performance experts have the above cause and effect

relationship upside-down. They believe that one’s circumstance, in this case the big

moment (the cause), determines one’s state of mind (the effect). When in truth,

one’s state of mind (the cause) will always determine one’s perception (the effect) of

the circumstance.




In other words, the big moment—like any circumstance—has no ability to regulate

our level of calm or anxiety because our moods fluctuate independent of it. I know,it doesn’t always seem that way, but that’s the way it works. To illustrate, have you

ever stressed about a situation in your life one moment, and then considered the

exact same situation a few hours, or even moments, later and wondered what in the

world you were stressing about? I know I have. The situation didn’t change; but my

state of mind did and, with it, my perception and outlook of the situation.

The only way to find calm is to stop seeking ways to be calm.

A recent example of this cause and effect misunderstanding occurred last week at

the PGA Championship when a gleeful pro golfer raved about the mental tools

provided by a well-known sports psychologist. My fear for this athlete, though, is

that his success will be short-lived. Ultimately, his thoughts will rev up as he

questions why last week’s mental instrument isn’t calming his nerves anymore.

That is, while it might look like the external strategy was responsible for this golfer’s

surge in production, the timing was simply “right” as his level of consciousness had

swung upward. He would have performed at the top of his game no matter what his

psychologist had suggested.

The bottom line is that there is no quick-fix for a low psychological outlook. And the

more you seek and experiment, the worse you will eventually feel. Instead, when

you find yourself struggling, my sincere suggestion is to stop looking for short-term

relief—which only tricks you into looking outside of yourself for answers—and start

understanding your own mental functioning. Once you do, calmness and success

will start to “inexplicably” show up more and more frequently.




Relax; Nerves are Normal

Have you ever been in this type of situation? The game, or any competition, is tight,

and you’re becoming more anxious by the minute.

The coach calls all the players together and says,

“Okay, guys, you are so nervous that you are

beating yourselves. Just try to relax—all we need to

do is calm down, and we’ll be fine.” In fact, just last

week, I witnessed this exact scenario at two games

I attended. And, in both cases, the team in question

went on to perform even worse after the “just relax” pep talk. In my experience, this

happens way too often.

Being uptight is not a problem for athletes; believing that nervousness can

hinder performance is.

So why doesn’t deliberate relaxation work? First, it’s important to recognize that

trying to change a thought pattern—in the above case, thoughts of tension or

worry—is never effective. Understanding that negative thoughts have no ability to

thwart your performance is always effective.

In other words, the common belief is that an anxious or uptight mind-set is not

conducive to success. Thus, if an athlete feels this way, the coach, therapist, or

athlete himself comes up with all types of strategies in order to feel better. The

problem, however, is that the athlete is perfectly fine to begin with, and you cannot

fix something that isn’t broken. Nervousness, anxious thoughts, or insecure feelings




are all part of the human experience. Regardless of our circumstances, at times, we

all feel this way. Did you know that many of the greatest achievements in sportshistory have occurred from uncomfortable states of mind? Basketball great Bill

Russell used to throw up before games. And golf great Jack Nicklaus once said that if

he wasn’t nervous before stepping on to the first tee, he wasn’t ready.

Once an athlete grasps that there is no connection between anxious thoughts

and underperforming, his level of play will soar.

Second, external strategies (i.e., telling players to relax) will always make matters

worse. For example, have you ever tried meditation as a tool—or coping

mechanism—to control anxious and revved-up thoughts? If yes, be honest, were

you really capable of sitting quietly and trying to slow down your thinking? Or did

trying to relax only make you feel worse, and frustrated, as you wondered why you

were not able to quiet your mind intentionally?

The message here is simple. A nervous thought is just that—a thought. And our

thoughts have no ability, on their own, to regulate our level of achievement. This

may sound peculiar, but consider the principle of thought like a bus depot. You can’t

control which buses show up, but you can always determine which bus you climb

aboard. Therefore, as you prepare for the next “big” contest, remember—you

cannot manage the value of your own thinking, and you cannot fix uneasy thoughts

with a mind control technique.




What you can do is stop trying to settle your mind, and start understanding how the

human mind functions. Then, the quality of your thoughts will clear up all on theirown. A sound first step is to recognize that relaxation and success do not always

work in tandem.




Beyond Belief

“Believe in yourself”—a common and accepted mantra in the performance coaching

world. Merely peruse Facebook, Twitter, or the vast

array of self-help books on the market today, and

you will read varying versions of this message. This

morning on ESPN, for example, I listened to a college

football coach address his players. He insisted that

the number one ingredient to a successful season is belief in yourself, teammates,

coaches, and the team’s philosophy. Not once during this impassioned pep talk,

however, did he explain to his players why, at times, they are bound to lack

conviction, or what to do when disbelief does take hold.

Your level of self-confidence is constantly fluctuating—it will always mirror

your current level of well-being.

To put it bluntly, asking or telling people to believe in themselves is a complete

waste of time. When this advice is imparted an unconfident person will almost

always wonder why, at will, they can’t summon up certainty. Instead, if you really

want to help another person—or yourself—find faith, it’s imperative to recognize

that belief and your current state of mind work in tandem. When your level of well-

being is high, you will believe; when it’s low, you won’t. And while it might look like

your level of confidence has something to do with the circumstances of your life, this

is just not so. To illustrate, have you ever performed well on a test, in an athletic

contest, or at your job and not felt good about yourself? It happened to me last

week. I spoke to a group of coaches and professors who gave me a touching round




of applause as I concluded. But, no matter how hard I tried, I just didn’t believe that

I had gotten my message across clearly.

Another way to look at it is that belief is simply not something we can manage. In

spite of what many will say, you cannot choose to think or feel a certain way. What

you can do, though, is understand that the only reason a lack of assurance will

persist is because most people do, in fact, believe they have control over it. Reflect

for a second, what happens to your performance when you attempt to work, force,

or grind yourself through a temporary feeling of hopelessness? You most likely

experienced revved up thinking, confusion, and continued despair.

If you want to believe, do nothing when you find yourself in doubt.

The bottom line is that a lack of belief is never the cause of poor performances; it is

the symptom of performers buying into their thoughts and feelings—and trying to

alter them—when their mind-set is low. Yes, “believe in yourself” does sound

productive, but explaining to players, students, or children the true building blocks

to why a person wouldn’t believe (it’s always one’s mind-set, not one’s

circumstances) is a whole lot more impactful.




Acceptance

Many counselors, teachers, or coaches believe that acceptance is the key to moving

past a painful situation. In an athletic sense, you often hear that you have to first

accept a defeat to be able to grow from it. When a loved

one passes away, priests or rabbis often preach about

accepting our loss. To be honest, however, to me

acceptance never quite worked that way. Is Bill Buckner

truly capable of accepting such a crucial error in the

1986 World Series? I’m not sure. Can Scott Norwood

accept missing a field goal that would have won the

Super Bowl XXV? I doubt it. Three years ago, my wife

lost her best friend to cancer. Is she really capable of

accepting this tragic situation? I just don’t think so. In

fact, I believe the more Buckner, Norwood, or my wife try to accept these

circumstances, the less tolerant of them they will actually become.

Forcing ourselves to accept external predicaments only intensifies unrest.

Yes, I am aware that this perspective goes against the grain. Even Moses said that

the key to overcoming the death of a family member lies in acceptance. But while it

might sound productive, forcing acceptance usually revs up thought and confusion

as we wonder why in the world we can’t live up to this divine recommendation.

Think of it this way, when your high school sweetheart broke your heart and your

parents said, “We know it isn’t easy, but the best thing to do is accept it and move

on,” you knew that this was an extremely tall (if not impossible) order.




There is, thankfully, a key to moving past our troubles and prospering, although

acceptance has nothing to do with it. Again, if a baseball player strikes out in a bigmoment—why in the world would he accept it? To the contrary, we need to

understand that losses and missed opportunities are never the source of our

wayward moods. By forcing ourselves to accept undesirable circumstances, we are

placing credit where it doesn’t belong—ultimately playing victim to the events of

the outside world. In other words, since a strike-out is not the source of a baseball

player’s low mind-set, accepting it can’t possibly make him feel better.

Although not true, our circumstances often look like they are the source of our

discontent—trying to accept them magnifies this illusion.

To be clear, I certainly understand that when pain arises, it does look like the world

around us is the reason why. But this just isn’t so. Sure, my wife is extremely sad

about losing her friend, but there is a big difference between sadness—a genuine

and productive sentiment born from compassion or love; and misery—a destructive

emotion born from a temporarily low state of mind.

The bottom line is that human beings are not capable of accepting, understanding,

or moving past anything when their consciousness is faltering. That’s why, in order

to move through your troubles, you are far better off looking inward toward to your

mind-set in the moment and being guided accordingly. If you’re glum and

disquiet—be still; do not try to talk yourself into accepting any external event. If

you’re melancholy but clear—do whatever feels right to you. Acceptance is indeed a

peaceful word, but a closer look reveals that making peace with external

predicaments is, in the end, a limiting and self-defeating prophecy.




A Different Approach to ‘Problems’ And Their Effect on

Performance

Whenever I meet with a

person one-on-one, the first

question I usually ask is,

“How can I help you?”

Invariably, I listen to a

laundry list of problems

that the individual is

experiencing at that point in

time. Never, though, do I

provide a remedy for these

issues. In fact, rarely do I address the issues directly.

I am well aware that this approach is much different than what most people are

used to. Heck, if someone is suffering from anorexia, doesn’t it make sense for a

counselor to focus directly on food and the behavior of purging? Well, not exactly.

You see, upon closer look you will notice that our problems live in our thoughts and

present mood—not in the world around us. Anorexia is caused by a thought

disorder; it is not the effect of a painful upbringing, a young girl’s poor self-image, or

an aversion to food.




It is impossible to solve another person’s problems.

Take the syndrome of obsessive and compulsive behavior. It is commonly believed

that, aside from medication, the way to solve this dysfunction is to learn to accept

the source of the obsessive thoughts or to substituent a productive behavior for the

compulsive one. What these strategies overlook, however, is that the source of OCD

is not external to the individual. It rests solely in the victim’s current thought-

system.

In other words, the degree to which anyone obsesses, or feels compelled to act,

works in concert with his or her level of well-being at that precise moment. When

my state of mind is clear and conscious, my old house is a charming classic and I

love it. But when my mind-set descends, I am either obsessed with selling it

immediately or compelled to spend my savings fixing it up. Either way, my old

house has little to do with my neurotic thoughts and low mood. Quite the

contrary—my low mood is what creates my compulsive urge to do something about

my old house immediately.

Our current thought-system prevents us from finding obvious answers.

So, how can the above understanding pave the way to a life without major problems

or disorders and even help improve our performances? Once we realize that our

fluctuating thoughts and innocent moods establish our perceptions, it becomes

much easier to avoid the self-defeating trap of finding fixes in the outside world. A

golfer who changes his swing, for example, will always falter if the adjustment is

based on an insecure or egotistical sentiment.




One last point: You might be wondering how you know the time is right to reach for

that piece of cake, fix up the house, or make a swing change. That is, how do youknow when you’re thought-system is truly inspired and not irrational? The answer

is simple, how do you feel? If you feel uneasy, limited, or boxed in at that moment,

just stay in the box for now—remaining still (and not reaching for the fix from this

unclear place) is what allows your thought-system to get back on track. Then, with

possibilities readily apparent and endless—go go go! From this freeing perspective,

no matter what you decide, things will work out just fine.




Stillpower and Relationships

Last week I received a call from a team. Its star player and coach had been at odds

for some time, and, with training camp about to open, the director of player

personnel requested that I sit in as he attempted to mediate their “issues.” I asked,

“So your plan is to get the

player and coach together,

with us serving as referees,to try to hash out their

points of view?”

“That’s correct,” he said.

“Well, I’d like to help—but first let me suggest a different approach,” I said. “Let’s

speak to the player and coach separately. Let’s teach them the real source of their

disagreement and then see what happens.” Fortunately, he agreed, and I’m happy to

say that player and coach are now looking forward to a productive season—

together.

Most mediators or therapists teach partners to cope with their problems,

instead of helping them find the answers to a fresh start.

In 99 percent of therapy sessions between a player and coach, husband and wife, or

an employee and employer, the couple sits in a room with a counselor and discusses

their so-called issues. And the overwhelming majority of these couples end up




separating. Why? Because issues are not the source of disharmony—they are the

symptoms. The source of all disagreements is one or both sides acting on thoughtsand feelings that originate from low states of mind.

For instance, I once met with an athlete who claimed that his coach often picked on

him in front of the team and he just couldn’t take it anymore. But the day after our

meeting—and in a better mood—the athlete told me that the coach was actually

respectful during that day’s practice. Clearly the coach hadn’t miraculously been

transformed overnight; the player’s state of mind had risen and with it so did his

perception of his coach.

This understanding explains why so many marriage counselors and mediators are

divorced themselves. They provide their clients—and themselves—with strategies

to employ the minute a discrepancy with one’s partner occurs. “Try to consider the

other’s perspective” is common advice. Trouble is, it is impossible to consider

another person’s perspective when your own level of well-being is low. It is

possible to understand, however; that if you simply backburner the issue and allow

your well-being to rise (i.e. stillpower), then you will involuntarily become

considerate, compassionate, and loving—and the discrepancy won’t look so

daunting anymore.




Regardless of your differences, the minute your mood rises, so will your

perception of your partner.

This is not to say that every relationship should stay intact. What I am insisting is

that, in order for any decision (in this case, to stay together or separate) to be

fruitful, it must be made from an elevated state of mind. Plus, the more you try to

work through your problems from the same low level of mental functioning that

caused them, the greater the odds that the relationship will continue to suffer.

My visit with the above team was successful because, during our one-on-one

meetings, the level of consciousness of both player and coach ascended—and so did

their understanding of each other. In fact, we didn’t discuss their past, their

behavior, or any specific details of their relationship at all. Try this simple approach

the next time you and another person are at odds. I’m certain that the answer to the

issue will appear, or the issue will disappear, before you know it.




Why Still Works Better Than Will

I recently received a

poignant e-mail from a

reader of Stillpower , which

perfectly illustrates the

distinction between looking

outside for answers and

looking within. Here is a

portion of that e-mail.

I just finished reading your

book and find your ideas to be very insightful. Our son is a hockey goalie, and this past

year his team, which was pretty inexperienced, frequently lost by double digits. The

coaches thought the best thing to do was pull the goalie when the other team started

running up the score. This led to my son being so worried about being pulled that once

the first goal was scored on him, it was pretty much all over. His goalie coach was

concerned about his “mental toughness,” so he referred us to a sports psychologist to

help him cope. While this person was initially helpful—teaching my son to redirect

negative thoughts with a catch phrase he could repeat during games (stop the puck)

and helping him use some visualization—as you outline in your book, the effects of

these techniques were not long lasting. This anxiety led to a poor performance in

tryouts, and he was cut from the team. Fortunately, I think using Stillpower will be

helpful for our son, on the ice and off . . . Thank you so much for writing your book and

introducing me to this freeing concept.




Even a twelve-year-old can lose his way when he looks outside for answers.

I was certainly touched by this e-mail. But more significantly, I value the

opportunity it offers to discuss the habit (of many of us today) to seek external

strategies or coping mechanisms for our troubles and the unconstructive effects of

such searches.

Reciting a catch phrase, or affirmation, to redirect negative thoughts (much like

reaching for a pill or drink) serves only one purpose: it empowers these thoughts by

turning them into something that must be dealt with. What this mother and sports

psychologist failed to recognize is that errant thoughts have no ability to directly

hinder one’s performances or life. It’s when we act on these thoughts, or try to

control their quality, that our minds race, and, like this boy, we continue to suffer.

The more we seek external coping mechanisms the further we get from truth.

Why does this happen? Because it is impossible to will ourselves through something

(a predicament) that only exists in our own thinking. Have you ever played golf? If

yes, where does your next shot go when you try to “not think” about the out-of-

bounds stakes that span the length of the toughest hole? Out-of-bounds, of course.

Yet what if you understand that your thoughts about the out-of-bounds have no

clout—that some days your glance will be drawn to those stakes and other days

you’ll forget that they’re even there? In truth, knowing that external circumstances

have no power over us is what allows us to be still, and then clear, in the first place.




Therefore, the next time you’re in a low place and feel the pull for relief, remember

the dust will settle—but only if you remain quiet enough to allow it. How do youachieve this quiet? Never by chasing down a fix, forcing visualization, or learning a

catch phrase. You look toward an intuitive feeling—an understanding that no

matter what your thoughts say in the moment, you’re always free from the world

around you. That’s where resilience and competiveness truly reside. Take it from

the experience of this twelve-year-old boy, still works better than will, no matter

what the experts might tell you.




Get to Work or Dial it Down?

About a month ago, a baseball-playing client sent me a text message. He had gone 0

for 4 in a game and wanted my opinion on whether or not he should immediately hit

the batting cage to work out the kinks in his swing. My

answer: “How are you feeling right now?” His response:

“I’m definitely not happy about my performance today,

but I’m doing okay. I’m open and determined to discover

what I’m doing wrong.”

“Well, get to work,” I exclaimed.

Recently, the same player sent me another text message

asking the same question. Even though his batting average had climbed to .295

since our last exchange, on this particular night he struggled—again going 0 for 4. I

asked, “How are you feeling right now?” His response, “My self-confidence is

extremely low. I’m not doing well at all—I need to fix my hitting before it’s too late.”

“Well, go have a nice dinner,” I replied. “The last place you should be tonight is in

the batting cage.”




Results are neutral. An athlete’s state of mind exists independent of his or her

performance.

My reasoning in both instances, of course, has nothing to do with this player’s

performance on the days he reached out to me. Unlike many coaches (and parents of

young athletes) who would immediately prescribe hard work to fix current flaws, to

me, an athlete’s ability to correct bad habits and improve is entirely based on his or

her level of psychological functioning or consciousness at that particular moment—

which will always occur independent of one’s external circumstances.

In other words, the right time to “get to work” has nothing to do with present

outcomes and all to do with one’s current mind-set. Why? Because the reason an

individual doesn’t perform up to par will always begin and end with a low state of

mind. He or she isn’t seeing things clearly; the athlete is not aware. Thus, searching

for the answer, at that moment, will always take the individual deeper into the mud.

There have been thousands of athletes (or performers, in general) who have

initiated slumps, or gotten injured, simply by attempting to remedy a temporary

defect from a temporary low level of well-being.

The superstition of keeping everything the same when you’re playing well is

actually a self-defeating prophecy. The best time to train is when your

awareness is high—no matter your current performance level.

Remember, a bound-up level of psychological functioning will always lead to a

bound-up level of physical functioning (slump, injury, sickness). And your

psychological functioning has nothing to do with your most recent performance.




Yes, great athletes usually despise striking out, throwing an interception, or missing

an open net. Yet they never forget that their ability to learn from mistakes, andthrive, is always determined by the state of mind from which they approach their

training and its corrective measures.

The key, then, for my client? In spite of his most recent statistics, he should “get to

work” from an outlook of freedom, assurance, and inspiration and “dial it down” any

time he feels compulsion, insecurity, or desperation kick in. Try this intuitive

approach—I’m positive it will work for you.




Anger Management?

According to the Chicago Cubs, volatile pitcher Carlos

Zambrano underwent successful treatment for his “anger

management” issues over the off-season. Indeed, his actions

this season have been relatively still—until last week, that is,

when he blew up at his teammates for their lack of passion

and grit. Without going into the details of this particular

incident, let’s look at the emotion of anger: its true (and

surprising) source, why it’s impossible to control, and the understanding that allows

us to move through thoughts of rage when they stir in the heat of competition.

First, there is a huge difference between understanding where anger originates and

blowing off some steam. Anger is not the result of a difficult situation or someone

doing wrong to you. Anger is the result of your thoughts and state of mind whenthese events occur. That is, if you are in a low mood and someone insults you, odds

are that the insult will be bothersome and you will have angry thoughts. If your

mood is high, though, the identical comment will have little effect.

Because anger is the direct result of your own low level of well-being, altering

(or managing) your circumstances will not help you control it.

Furthermore, the more we try to manage anger, the more enraged we will ultimately

become. My educated bet is that, in his anger management classes, Carlos Zambrano

was taught all sorts of tools and strategies to use any time he felt irritation kick in.

Most likely, relaxation techniques, trying to understand the other person’s




perspective, or removing himself from (or avoiding) potentially capricious

situations were prescribed. Yet, while these “fixes” might provide some short-termrelief, they do not attack the heart of the issue: Anger has nothing to do with one’s

circumstances. Like all emotions, anger occurs in reaction to a thought—not to

Zambrano‘s, or anyone else’s, life situation. Plus, eventually, as with any external

coping mechanism, these strategies will conflict with Zambrano’s own intuition or

inner wisdom, producing more revved up and frenzied thoughts.

So, what do we do when we’re embroiled in the heat of competition and angry

thoughts start to take hold? We grasp that, like all thoughts born from low levels of

psychological functioning, angry thoughts are illusions; their content is not real and,

thus, must be distrusted. For instance, if you’re a baseball player and your

teammate makes an error, it is certainly understandable to be displeased. But the

teammate, who was your best friend before his mistake, has not just turned into the

incompetent fool your thoughts are saying he is.

Angry feelings are real and must be addressed—but only from the inside out.

There’s one more thing that I want to mention about anger. Unlike our angry

thoughts, our angry feelings are always genuine and, believe it or not, quite

productive. In other words, For Zambrago, the negative feeling of anger is an

intuitive signal that if he acts from his low level of functioning, he will make amistake.




Remember, human beings cannot control the content of their thoughts. But they can

understand that thoughts which originate from wayward moods are not to bebelieved. And angry, anxious, or temperamental feelings are merely a red flag that

we are looking in the wrong direction. Therefore, the next time anger rears its ugly

head, be sure to seek answers in your own level of consciousness at that moment—

and not, like Carlos Zambrano and many others, in the world around you.




The New York Jets and the Truth About Setting Goals

I think Rex Ryan of the New York Jets is a heck of a

football coach. His players love him, his team is

extremely unified, he takes responsibility for his

actions, and he (unlike most coaches) understands

that “bulletin board material” only serves to hinder

the performance of players. Why, then, has his team

lost the AFC championship game two years in a row.

Simply put, Rex Ryan believes it is productive to set the “goal” of winning the Super

Bowl. He often states, “My team is good enough to win it all; why be afraid to say

it?” Well, there is certainly nothing wrong with standing up for what you believe in.

And if it feels right to him, it’s not for someone else to determine whether it’s right

or wrong to proclaim it. His mistake, I think, is stringently setting the goal in thefirst place.

Goal setting does nothing but restrict opportunities.

I realize that 99 percent of you are convinced that setting goals is essential for

success. Indeed, this is a common mantra in just about every self-help or coaching

manual out there today. Popular books such as The Secret, tell us that if we want to

achieve something (a championship, a mate, a million dollars), we need to focus on

it—put it out there—and it will come. The problem with this paradigm, however, is

that goal setting actually hinders our awareness and, thus, restricts our

opportunities. Why? Because single-mindedness limits our creative potential.




In other words, when we narrowly set our sights on a specific goal, we thwart our

ability to adjust, imagine, and think outside the box. In setting his sights solely onthe championship every year, Ryan has helped to reduce the consciousness and

perceptual field of his players. He’s made the journey about achieving one objective,

not about the experience or limitless possibilities along the way.

To perform freely, an athlete must be open to the imaginative possibilities of

the journey.

To be clear, I am not saying that Ryan should discount the value in winning the title,

not at all. What I am saying is that Ryan and his players should also ask themselves,

“What do we want to create on our way to the title?” Two seasons ago, the New

Orleans Saints clearly relished the quest of winning the Super Bowl, but rebuilding

the hopes of the people of their city was the real driving force behind it.

The truth is that individuals who understand the restrictive nature of goal setting

are simply freer to perform. Like the Saints, Ryan needs to recognize that achieving

a goal will not elevate his, or his players’, self-worth or level of contentment. By

focusing solely on the prize, Ryan has hampered his own potential to consider its

real purpose.

What the Jets, and the rest of us, need to remember moving forward is this: There is

nothing wrong with processing the desire to win it all; it just won’t become a reality

until you open yourself up to all the opportunities present—no matter the outcome.




Creating an Empowering Athletic Experience for Your Kids

With the school year approaching, many parents will be

confronted with the predicament of their child’s

involvement in the youth sporting scene. These days,

youth sports have become big business and adults often

feel the push-and-pull of the process. How, then, can

parents make the right choices and create a low-stress

and productive athletic journey for their kids? First and

foremost, do not fall into the trap of following someone

else’s “how-to-parent” blueprint. Instead, understand

that successful decisions are made from clear mind-sets; disastrous decisions are

made from bound-up, insecure, or anxious mind-sets. In other words, in spite of

what others may say, your choices for your children cannot necessarily be right or

wrong, but the state of mind from which the choices are made can be.

Parents make productive choices for their kids when their actions are based

on intuition, not an expert’s opinion.

Second, the above understanding often begets the following question: “My children

are my number one priority, so how do I know when I am in the proper state of

mind to make the proper decisions for them?” The answer is simple—how do you

feel at that moment? That uneasy or “off” feeling in your gut when you are pushing

too hard—or not hard enough—is an instinctive sign that you are headed down the

wrong road and should consider another option. For example, many sports parents

are accused of living vicariously through their kids because they seem to overwhelm




them with activities. The appearance of living vicariously, however, is only the

symptom of these parents acting on thoughts and feelings that occur as their owninsecurity or ego kicks in.

All parents are prone to low mind-sets. One key to creating a healthy

experience for your kids: when feeling low, don’t make any parental decisions.

Finally, it is vital for parents to appreciate those errant thoughts and moods are

normal—especially when the subject of their loving emotions is their own children.

So, instead of questioning your own self-worth or sanity, simply distrust the content

of your thinking when a wayward mood occurs. In fact, acting from this low place is

the number one reason that parents continually find themselves in the bound-up

level of functioning where effective choices are scarce.

Remember, involving your children in athletics will not automatically create a

competitive, self-disciplined, or resilient young girl or boy. Yet, when parents

commit to acting from clarity or inspiration, and not confusion or desperation, odds

are that any experience to which children are introduced (athletics included) will

play a productive and empowering role in their future development.



Garret Kramer teaches the states of mind that allow athletes, and all

individuals, to excel.

To discover more about the paradigm behind Stillpower, and how you

can increase performance, visit http://www.GarretKramer.com

Garret is available for speaking engagements, interviews, and limited

one-on-one consulting. For speaking and press inquiries, contact Ashley

Sandberg of Triple 7 Public Relations: Ashley @ triple7pr.com.

Or

Contact Garret Kramer directly at gkramer @ innersports.com.

performance coaching, sports psychology, and self-help breaking the myths

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