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Peaceful Christians Peaceful Christians –– Peaceful CongregationsPeaceful Congregations““Resources for Managing Congregational Conflict and ChangeResources for Managing Congregational Conflict and Change””

Rev. Tim FangmeierRev. Tim [email protected]@giftedpeople.org

Making the case for a resource center for managing congregational conflict and change on the Wheat Ridge website

1. Resources to help church leaders with conflict management and change are essential if they are going to be cared for and effective in mission and ministry.

2. With that reality is the observation that leaders and congregations are best able to create and manage the new ministries of healthand hope seeded by Wheat Ridge Ministrieswhen they also are healthy.

For coaching contact Tim Fangmeier [email protected]

The Resource Center for Managing Congregational Conflict and Change -

• Will guide you in understanding and evaluating the conflict you are experiencing.–– Help in determining the level of conflict Help in determining the level of conflict

being experiencedbeing experienced–– Help in determining how best to Help in determining how best to

address the conflictaddress the conflict–– Coaching to assist in creating a plan to Coaching to assist in creating a plan to

address the conflict.address the conflict.

THE CHALLENGE!THE CHALLENGE!Increasing numbers of clergy and professional church

leaders are leaving the ministry of their calling, often due to the pressures and complexities of congregational ministry. Lutheran Church workers face special challenges as they attempt to remain healthy in body, mind and spirit while

providing leadership for congregational ministry.

Introduction We begin with an overview of the major approaches

to conflict and change management. Much can be learned and applied from each.

• The Organizational Dynamics Approach

• The Systems Theory Approach• The Biblical Peacemaking

Approach

Peaceful Christians Peaceful Christians –– Peaceful CongregationsPeaceful Congregations

•The Organizational Dynamics Approach– This approach looks at conflict and change

from an organizational and human dynamics perspective

– The following slides will help you understand and analyze what you are experiencing.

Definition of Congregational Conflict

What is Conflict?

Conflict is a disagreement between two (2) or more individuals. Conflict is a normal part of daily life. At home, at work, in school, at church and in all institutional settings, individuals spend a large percentage of their time dealing with conflict. It is particularly clear that in times of economic stress, the number and magnitudeof conflicts among individuals and groups are bound to increase.This is due to both the increased scarcity of resources and also to the social and individual changes that take place during an economic crunch. Conflict can take a destructive or a constructive course, and that course will influence whether the conflicting parties develop cooperative or competitive relations with one another. Conflict does not have to be viewed as destructive. Conflict can, in fact, be productive. It can uncover buried issues and open them up for discussion and resolution; it can improve the communication process; it can uncover systematic problems and set the stage for discussion necessary to change the individuals and the system itself.

10 Common Sources of Conflict in Christian OrganizationsThese are the sources conflict consultants normally see. You do not need all 10 to consider getting some outside assistance. Discuss this list with congregational leaders to evaluate your situation.

People disagree about what they value or believe

The organizational structure is unclear

There is conflict over the role and responsibility of the professional worker

The structure no longer facilitates mission and ministry

Leadership styles do not match

A new professional worker makes quick changes and ignites organizational pain

Communication is poor—lines are blocked

People manage conflict poorly

People feel disaffected and withhold money, participation or leave

The organization does not have a healthy decision making process

These are the common sources unless there is misconduct (sexual, financial, etc.)For coaching to understand this list contact Tim Fangmeier - [email protected]

A personal and organizational principle taught by Dr. Kennon Callahan is that in relating to conflict and change - perception is always a major

factor. As tensions grow fact and truth can be clouded by perception.It is critical then to focus on listening and addressing the perception of

events and actions that people may have.

Good listening skills are essential because perceptions will lead people to behave in certain ways and those behaviors will lead to the outcomes or

destiny of the organization.

The same would be true of human development. My self-perception influences my behavior and that behavior influences my destiny in life.

P--------B--------DPERCEPTION yields BEHAVIOR yields DESTINY

A good illustration of how Perceptions can differ - go to thenext slide for another view!

Now what do you see?Perception is critical in conflict and change management!

This is a chart of the traditional - “Levels of Organizational Conflict”

Problems to solve

Disagreements

Contest

Fight/Flight

Intractable Situation

1

2

3

4

5

Speed Leas, Alban Institute For coaching to understand this chart contact Tim Fangmeier - [email protected]

When Conflict is not managed at a lower lever it will over time move to the next higher level.

1

Stages of Conflict

Stage 1: Unsolved problems - which happen daily and weekly in churches are the place to best manage conflict.

1

2

Stages of Conflict

At this stage people move to self protection and are careful not to be hurt. They become more calculating in actions and words and tend to withhold important information. They tend to speak in vague generalities. People begin to phone or email one another to discuss situations.

Stage 2: Disagreements

1

2

3

Stages of ConflictStage 3: Contests

At this stage sides are drawn and winning becomes the objective.There are usually no clear leaders yet. Problems and issues begin to cluster. This is the level where Denominational leaders may begin to hear of the problems. This is also the level where intervention by a consultant is very important. The consultant would work to get all the key people into one room and help them talk to one another openly. The consultant would work to help state the issues clearly and to identify workable solutions and find personal reconciliation if needed.

1

2

3

4

Stages of ConflictStage 4: Fight/Flight

Clear leaders emerge on both sides of the conflict. People follow those leaders closely and others who have not previously been involved begin to line up around a leader. Sub group loyalty becomes more important than loyalty to the congregation. Fringe people are drawn in. Polarization is clearly seen. Unconsciously the “people in the middle”will join the winning side. Denominational leaders are sure to hear at this stage and may be called to help.

1

2

3

4

5

Stages of Conflict

Stage 5: Intractable SituationPeople are ready to eliminate or remove each other. Vengeance and the desire to get even is very real. Key people feel called by God to fight and feel that it would be immoral to give up.

George W. BullardEvery Congregation Needs a

Little Conflict:Every congregation needs a little conflict. Why? Because

congregations without conflict are dead or dying. Conflict is a typical, common component of life. A byproduct of conflict is energy and passion. Conflict forces decisions and action. I

have written this piece to introduce congregations to the possibility of developing the

capacity to handle the inevitable conflicts that come along. If

congregations will develop this capacity during times of healthy conflict, they will be equipped to

handle periodic unhealthy conflict situations.

George Bullard adds helpful insights in this book. He also suggests a fuller chart of conflict stages and suggests appropriate interventions to use.

The Levels of Organism or Organizational Conflict

Level 1 Level 2 Level 3 Level 4 Level 5 Level 6 Level 7

Healthy Healthy Healthy Transitional Unhealthy Unhealthy Unhealthy

Task Oriented Problem

to Fix

Relationship Oriented

Dis-agreement

Intra- or Inter-Group

Contest

Organism or Organization

Wide Contest

Organism or Organization Wide Fight

Pursuit beyond the Organism or Organization

Intentional Harm or

Destruction

Win-Win Win-Win Win-Lose Win-Lose Lose-Leave Lose-Lose Lose-LoseConflict Conflict Conflict Conflict Conflict Conflict Conflict Resolution Resolution Mediation Mediation Management Management Management

Chaplain Chaplain Coach Coach Consultant Consultant Commander

Collaborate Persuade

Accommodate Avoid

Support

Collaborate Persuade

Accommodate Avoid

Support

Negotiate Collaborate Persuade Support

Compel Negotiate

Collaborate Support

Compel Negotiate Support

Compel Negotiate

Avoid Support

Compel Negotiate

Avoid Support

Adapted by George Bullard of Lake Hickory Learning Communities of Conover, NC from five levels of conflict originated by Speed Leas of The Alban Institute, Bethesda, MD) December 4, 2002 Edition Copyright 2002, Rev. George Bullard, D. Min. For coaching to understand this chart contact Tim Fangmeier - [email protected]

The Conflict Cycle Conflict follows a five stage progression. The conflict may be managed at any stage. If it is not, it will progress to the next stage. It is always best managed at levels 1 and 2 because injustice collecting often does not follow the directive of Jesus (Matt. 18:15-20) to go directly to the person who has hurt you.

It is important to understand that conflict is dynamic; if it is not effectively managed at any particular stage it will progress to the next.

Stage 1 Tension Development

Stage 2 Role Dilemma

Stage 3 Injustice Collecting

Stage 4 Confrontation

Stage 5 Adjustments

The Conflict Cycle

At stage 5 the adjustments can be positive when people talk and reconcile with each other and make needed changes. It can also be negative when people leave, are removed or become inactive.

In many church and personal conflicts the injustices collected in stage 3(usually over a long period of time) are “dumped” during the confrontation

at stage 4. Serious hurt and confusion can be the result.





Stage 5 Adjustments

The Conflict Cycle + Corporate Pain

Savage and others believe corporate pain is what keeps many of our churches from outward focus and mission because all the energy of the congregation is focused inward at holding things together. For coaching to understand this chart contact Tim Fangmeier - [email protected]

When a church has many cycles like this over and over for a period of years Dr. John Savage calls the result “corporate pain”.





Stage 5 Adjustments

• Dr. John Savage suggests these are the elements of Corporate Pain:– Low energy– Inappropriate pious language– Bonfires of controversy– Rapid turnover of clergy or lay leadership– Looking for scapegoats

• Dr. John Savage points to these keys to congregational health or decline:– Communication is open and reality based– Shared Vision of Mission and Ministry– Ability to solve problems– Energy – 80% toward mission, 10% toward

maintenance and 10% in reserve– Theology that is relevant to life and needs– Trained and equipped leaders“In back of congregational conflict is corporate pain.

Most pain in a church is buried alive”

• Dr. John Savage spells out the stages of congregational decline:– The Church of Excellence

• Open communication, clear vision, high energy 80% toward mission, 10% maintenance, 10% reserve.

– The Neurotic Church• Avoids painful reality, communication blockage, energy shift to

only 60% toward mission

– The Declining Church• Healthy members begin to leave, communication shuts down,

vision collapsed, energy shifts to 40% mission 60% maintenance

– The Demising Church• No communication, vision has died, energy 80% inward toward

survival issues only 20% toward mission, a denial of problems

In managing Conflict and Change there are two Fundamental Concerns

1. The concern for the relationships of the persons engaged in, or affected by, the conflict or change.

2. The concern for personal goals/interests within the conflict or change.

Concern for Personal Goals/interests

Co

nc

ern

fo

r re

lati

on

ship

s

Two Fundamental Concerns of All Persons in Conflict or Change Situations

Moderate Relationships or Moderate Goals

COMPROMISING

ACCOMMODATINGHigh Relationships and Low Personal

Goals

COLLABORATING High Relationships and High Personal

Goals

Low Relationships and Low Personal Goals

AVOIDING

High Personal Goals and Low

RelationshipsCOMPETING

Concern for Personal Goals/InterestsLow High

High

Co

nc

ern

s fo

r R

ela

tio

nsh

ips

A way to analyze these concerns is reflected in this chart that illustrates conflict management styles. All styles are available to us and useful in appropriate situations.For coaching to understand this chart contact Tim Fangmeier - [email protected]

The Styles of Conflict ManagementDepending on which view or combination of views we hold, most ofus develop a somewhat automatic response to conflict. These responses often fall into five identifiable patterns or styles:

Competition

Accommodation

Avoidance

Compromise

Collaboration

Pursuit of own concerns at others expense

Individual neglects own concerns and satisfies them of others

Deciding not to deal with the concern at this time or denying there is a problem

Meeting others halfway, allowing them to prevail on certain issues while we prevail on others

Recognizing and accepting that teamwork is more productive, the individual attempts to work with the other party in developing mutually satisfactory to our problem

Know the styles and you can choose among them! Which is most appropriate in a given situation?

Conflict Styles Dr. Norman Shawchuck likes to illustrate the styles with animal characters:

www.shawchuck.com

Competition

Accommodation

Avoidance

Compromise

Collaboration

Know them and you can choose among them!

Which is most appropriate in a given situation?

Conflict Styles

The Turtle“I don’t care enough about the issue to invest time and energy into solving it,” or “even though I care, it is not appropriate for me to become involved. It is someone else’s problem.”

Avoiding Style

• To stay out of the conflict, to avoid being identified with either side.

• Forces others to assume responsibility.

• Passive, unassertive, will not cooperate in the process

• Lose-Leave

• May see the conflict as trivial, hopeless, or may withdraw completely

• Can lead to frustration, weakness and deep seated hostility

Norman Shawchuck: www.shawchuck.com/html/welcome.htm

Conflict StylesAccommodating Style

• To preserve the relationship at all costs.

• The individual will deny or avoid conflict whenever possible

• Sweep it under the carpet

• Will concede own interests - even confess full blame

• Assertive in finding solutions others like

• Unassertive about my own interests

The Teddy Bear“Our getting along with each other is more important than the issues over which we are in conflict.”

• May see others as too weak to confront issues


Conflict StylesCollaborating Style

• To get all the parties fully involved in defining the conflict and in carrying out mutually agreeable steps for managing the conflict.

• Conflict is not to be ignored or avoided; rather, it is to be turned into a problem-solving situation in which all can participate in finding solutions.

• Goals of members / interests of the organization and well being of relationships are all important

• Assertive, flexible, good communicator, works for creative solutions

• Manages conflict by keeping people in dialogue

• Builds trusts and commitment to agreements

• Usually the best style over the long term

The Owl“Everyone’s goals are important, and if we work together we will find mutually acceptable approaches to the conflict issue.”


Conflict StylesCompromising Style

• To provide each side with a little bit of winning in order to persuade each to accept a little bit of losing

• Impossible to satisfy everyone - needs to keep parties in relationship

• Uses persuasion and manipulation– negotiating and bargaining

• Continued use leads to cool/strained relationships

• Spreads winning and losing around

The Fox

“We must submit our personal desires to serve the ‘common good’ of both parties and the larger community.”


Conflict StylesCompeting Style

• Goal is to win. The person operates out of a basic philosophy that there are only two possible outcomes in conflict, winning and losing - and winning is always better than losing.

• Paternalistic / benevolent dictator / autocratic

• Aggressive - domineering win / lose

• Persuasion – power - coercion

• Of prime importance - my personal goals, what I think best

• Can increase hostility and half hearted agreement to solutions

• May be adopted when quick, vital decision are required -often unpopular ones

The Shark“I know what’s best for all parties concerned and for the organization.”


The Essential Elements of Conflict Management

1. Learn to recognize and address a conflict in its earliest stages.

2. Keep everyone focused on the conflict issues.

3. Provide the three “P’s” of conflict management

• Permission: Give the parties permission to disagree without feeling guilty.

• Potency: Enable each one to state his / hers position with strength and clarity.

• Protection: Keep each one from being needlessly hurt, and from needlessly hurting others.

4. Enable the parties to see a way out of the conflict situation bysuggesting options to their present policies and /or behaviors.

5. Work to turn every conflict into a problem to be solved –and involve all of the parties in searching for solutions.

The Town Hall Meeting 1. Generate valid and useful information about the conflicted issues.

2. Allow free and informed choice.

3. Motivate personal commitment to the agreements which are reached.

A useful tool in accomplishing these 3 conflict management steps is theTown Hall Meeting. •Whenever important issues or decisions must be made a town hall meeting can be called. The town hall meeting is a meeting to discuss only the issue or decision that was announced with the stipulation that there will be no decisions made at this meeting. •The purpose of the meeting is for leaders and members to share information and discuss the issue or decision without vote. •The meeting is followed by a period of time for prayer and discernment of the direction needed and a future meeting is set to make the decision.

Great good can come from this process because it helps accomplish the steps.People in opposition will not feel pressured or manipulated to decide. We recommend it for all important decisions. When the issue or decision is very conflicted it is helpful to have an outsider present to moderate the discussion.

For coaching to understand this concept contact Tim Fangmeier - [email protected]

Twelve Norms for Working Through ConflictIt is helpful to have norms for Town Hall Meetings or any meeting that is conflicted.

1. Speak for yourself, not for others

2. Challenge other’s behaviors or ideas, not their motives or worth

3. No blaming

4. No labeling

5. No threats

6. Send “I” messages rather than “You” messages!

7. Propose a change you want rather than just what you don’t like.

8. Acknowledge your share in creating the conflict or tension.

9. Respect and explore differing experiences of the same event.

10. Evaluate in terms of “costs and benefits” not “good and evil”.

11. No interrupting. Care enough to listen before you respond.

12. Describe feelings rather than acting them out or disguising them.

Goals of Conflict Management

For Clergy and Lay Leaders

1. To make clear decisions

2. To increase my tolerance for differences

3. To reduce aggression

4. To reduce passive behavior

5. To reduce covert-manipulative behavior

6. To increase communication

7. To deal with feelings

8. To provide structure

9. To overcome fear

10. To reach manageable problem definitions

For Pastors Who are the Focus of Conflict

1. Major in Attitudes and not Ideology (Phil. 2:3-6)

2. Major in Confrontation, not Separation (meet, talk, listen, consult)

3. Remember the unique nature of the church

A. The congregation is like a family - that tends to:

1. Argue over programs and policies 60%

2. Argue over values and mission 25%

3. Argue over personal differences 15%

B. Conflict is more threatening the smaller the congregation

C. Much conflict is of value– if through it Christ can reveal His will and mission

Change: The Seedbed of Conflict

Uncontrollable change is going on within every church family, every church board,

and within congregations.

Healthy change comes when we become aware of who we are and not simply by envisioning a perfect future!

The following slides will introduce you to resources related to change and transition.

In Responding to a Changing World

Churches have options:

• To deny change and press on

• To watch passively as the church declines

• To search for scapegoats - to blame

• To engage in diversionary internal quarrels

Or to embrace change and work to manage it well!

For coaching to understand change contact Tim Fangmeier [email protected]

Keys to Managing Change and Transition

Communicate your support of the change

Build in some stability

Allow open discussion of dissatisfaction

Set clear norms: No secrets

No surprises

No subterfuge

Seek broad participation

Allow Time

Change takes time and not everyone processes it at the sametime or in the same way. Most church leaders do not plan

enough time for the changes they want to introduce.

Change in the Technique of the High Jump

It was only as the technique of high jumping changed that it becamepossible to jump higher. This same principle can be seen in churches!

Touchstones for Effective Change

Free people to participate

Unite around needs

Tie into mission and values

Use input from thought leaders

Rally broad ownership

Engage in action

Touchstone: A crystalline rock used to test the purity of gold or silver. If the metal was genuine, it left a streak when rubbed on the touchstone.

From Your Congregation’s FUTURE: A Faith-Centered Planning Process Copyright © 1996 by Search Institute. All rights reserved.

For coaching to understand this chart contact Tim Fangmeier - [email protected]

Gain S

uppo

rt

of in

fluen

cers

Integrate faith

and identity

Clarify needs,

goals, priorities

Create a

shared visionPlan

and

la

unch

car

eful

lySupport the

ongoing process

Warm the atmosphere

Defuse

resistance

Eight Keys to Introducing Change in a Congregation

The Search Institute

Eight Steps Toward Congregational Transformation

1. Establish a sense of urgency2. Build a coalition (the political aspect of change)3. Discover a shared vision of mission and

ministry4. Communicate the vision intentionally5. Cut others in on the vision (ownership)6. Build momentum with short term wins7. Produce more change8. Institutionalize the new approaches

“Laws of Change”influence the decisions people make!

• The Law of Influence - what do my friends or the influencers at church think?

• The Law of Self-interest - what will the change do for me?

• The Law of Ownership - whose idea is this? Is it our idea?

The Three Ways We Live1.In Anticipation of Change2.In the Actual Experience of Change3.In Reflection on the Experience

When we don’t reflect we have a compulsion to repeat past behaviors that may no longer be productive.

For coaching to understand this contact Tim Fangmeier [email protected]

Change

• Change is never a neutral experience - it always evokes strong reactions.

• If the reactions are not processed they will not go away.

• If processed properly, change becomes an opportunity for growth and transformation.

• All change can be transformative no matter how devastating.

• Change is an external event while transition is our inner reaction or experience of the change.

Principles of Change

Four Vision QuestionsThat can be helpful in introducing the need for change

1. Where are we headed?2. What kind of future are we building

here?3. What are our natural resources,

strengths, gifts and abilities?4. What vision is God calling us to reach

for in our mission and ministry?

Kennon Callahan

•The Systems Approach


•The Systems Approach

– The systems approach comes out of the significant study of “Natural Systems Theory” first developed by Dr. Murray Bowen and adapted by Rabbi Edwin Friedman and others.

– Many resources are available from the Ablan Institute where this approach is applied to Conflict Management.

www.alban.org/index.aspx

– Dr. Peter Steinke who is published by Alban has become a leading expert in the systems approach.

•The Systems Approach– Dr. Peter Steinke has developed a process called

“Bridgebuilders” and has trained consultants in this process.

– He has also developed a church health adaptation called “Healthy Congregations” that is now administered from Trinity Lutheran Seminary in Columbus, Ohio. (see the next slide)

Dr. Steinke’s book is a very good overviewof this approach.

Healthy Congregations Workshops

• Healthy Congregations, Inc. is located on the campus of Trinity Lutheran Seminary in Columbus, Ohio.2199 East Main StreetColumbus, OH 43209

• 614-384-4611 (voice)• 800-335-4857 (fax)• Inquiries:

[email protected]

• The Systems ApproachDr. Peter Steinke would see “Anxiety” as a major factor in conflict and change.

In looking at a congregation as an organism (the image of the Body of Christ) Steinke concludes that like in the human body the “immune system” is the key to health and vitality. Most conflict can be managed well in a healthy body or in a healthy congregation. The two elements of a healthy immune system are:

1. A Shared Sense of Mission and Vision 2. Healthy Leaders.

The next slides share more information about natural systems thinking.

DR. STEINKE WOULD ASSERT THAT ALL Human Systems are

Emotional Systems

• When people interact with each other, emotional processes are stimulated.

• Emotional processes are automatic.• The more intense an interaction is, the more

automatic behaviors will be.• Human Systems are best when they learn how to

deal with the anxiety that is always present.

What is System Thinking?• System Thinking looks at the relationship between

things.• All parts of a system are interconnected and stand

in an ongoing reciprocal relationship.• One part cannot be understood apart from the

rest of the whole.• One person’s behavior/functioning affects another

person’s, and vice-versa.

Natural Systemshave been with us since the beginning.

Anxiety• It is natural in all human relationships• It is the basic human emotion• It may be ordinary, acute or chronic• When intense, people find it harder to avoid

extremes and functioning is impaired• High anxiety provokes self-preservation, a need

for safety• Highly anxious people do not respond well to

insight, reason, and love because instinct takes over.

AnxietyWhen anxiety becomes intense, the level of self-differentiation suffers and declines. The functional level of differentiation regresses below one’s basic

level. At a lower level of functioning, the following are apt to happen:

Interfere With One Another

Become sponge for other’s anxiety; pin own anxiety on others; people’s

“space” is invaded; projection; blame; criticize, or too sensitive

and empathicDefine OthersGive advice; seek certainty; look outside self; resistance to insight; complain; avoid

self; diagnose others; mindless; more data will

resolve problems

Coercive Change other; more willful’

hyper-reactive; “you”statements; think something will grow by pulling on it or something will change if

pushed hard; adapt to me

Placate, BargainSeek anxiety reduction

through de-selfing; environment shapes me;

can’t see that in which one is immersed

Fuse Cater to

dependent; complainers; rescue; uplift (function for

other); give up self to be close

Quit distance; cut-off stay aloof; unconnected; differences; magnified

; magnified

Dr. Steinke notes these common triggers of anxiety in congregational systems:

Money Sex or sexuality The pastor’s leadership style Issues of growth or survival Any major trauma or transitionStaff conflict or a staff resignationHaving an internal versus external focusOld versus newTraditional worship versus contemporary worshipHarm done to a child or the death of a child

How many of these have effected your congregation in the last five years?

For coaching to understand these triggers contact Tim Fangmeier [email protected]

Under High Levels of Anxiety, Stress and Fear

• I move from focused to scattered thinking• I am more sensitive• I revert to more automatic behaviors• I am less flexible• I am more reactive• My options of behavior are restricted• It is hard to see a situation in any way but my way• I become absolutely convinced of the accuracy of

my perception - “People can be the most dogmatic when they are the most wrong.”

Daniel Papero

This diagram illustrateDr. Peter Steinke’s concept of the elements thatcomprise a healthy immune system.

The next slides will help define more clearly what is meant by Mission and Vision.

They will also discuss healthy leadership.

Key Features of a Visionary Church

• A Core Ideology• A small set of core values that guide and inspire people• A core purpose of mission that states our reason for being

• An Envisioned Future• A big encompassing goal for a preferred future• A vivid description of what conditions will be like when the

goal is almost reached

• A Mission and Ministry Plan• A strategic plan that day by day and year by year moves

the congregation toward the envisioned future

For coaching to understand this concept contact Tim Fangmeier [email protected]

This diagram illustrates the key features of a visionary church.Like a bridge mission moves toward vision supported by values

The differentiation of self is the core of healthy leadership

Daniel Papero - Author of “Bowen Theory”

• Self Differentiation happens when in my mind I decide:– What I believe…..– What I plan to do…..– When and what I will do…..– Then Do It!

• Differentiation must be carried out through my functioning to change myself without even trying to change others.

Organizations and churches exhibit the same patterns as families when

they are un-differentiated

• Conflict increases• People distance themselves from others• Leaders over or under function• Triangles form - (over focus on one person

or when two people go against one)• Polarization - (when triangles go to an

extreme)

Triangles

Anxious relationships tend to become triangular. In periods of stress and conflict, the most anxious party will bring in a third person to reduce the tension.

The art of triangling is “natural” to anyone who grew up in the human family.

A Practical Tool to manage Triangles

(Based on Matthew 18)

A “New” Confidentiality Norm

• Information you share with me about yourself and your problems will be kept confidential!

• Information you share with me about someone else and your complaints or problems with that person will not be kept confidential!

Three Things You Can Suggest

• “You should go to the person with whom you are having the difficulty and tell him or her what you are concerned about.”

• “May I have your permission to tell this person that you have these concerns? I think they should know how you feel.”

• “May I go with you to talk to the person you are complaining about? I know this is important to you and I think it would be important to her/him as well”

From an article by Speed Leas of the Alban Institute

What’s happening in our Organization?

Thoughts on Polarizationby Dr. Arthur Scherer

Polarity ManagementThose at “A” can only see the positive aspect of their position and

the negative of “B” - the same is true for those at “B”

A B

+ +

Polarity Management “Example”

Law Gospel

ClearDefinedOrderConsequential

GraceUnconditional acceptanceFreedomNew LifeEnthusiasmSpontaneityForgiveness

RigidityDeathSlaverySelf-righteousnessAbuseJudgment

Anything goesCheap graceEnd justifies meansDisorder

When polarities are not managed they move into conflict and follow the normal stages

1. Problems to solveSolve the problem

2. DisagreementSave face and fix problem

3. ContestWin over a worthy opponent

4. Fight or flightSomebody needs to go

5. Intractable (self-destruct)

For coaching to understand polarity management contact Tim Fangmeier - [email protected]

DiscussionDebateConsensus

Votes

Split?

The Rubber Band Theory

ManagingPolarityMeansLiving And

Working With The

Tension

•The Biblical/Peacemaking Approach


• The Biblical/Peacemaking Approach– From a Biblical and Christian perspective, the church

has peacemaking resources that are not available in the secular world.

– For many years Peacemaker Ministries has provided resources and training for peacemaking and conciliation. www.hispeace.org

– Mr. Ted Kober who had been part of the staff of Peacemakers has now created a new ministry that is associated with Peacemakers but focuses on working with Lutheran Christians and Churches. The new ministry is called Ambassadors of Reconciliation. hisaor.org/index.html

– The following slides will introduce you to the peacemaking approach and resouces related to it.

• The Biblical/Peacemaking Approach

– For many years Peacemaker Ministries has provided resources and training for peacemaking and conciliation. www.hispeace.org

– Our Mission– The mission of Peacemaker Ministries is to equip and assist Christians and their

churches to respond to conflict biblically. In a more expanded version, our mission is to equip and assist Christians and their churches to respond to conflict biblically by developing and delivering outstanding, life-changing resources, training, and services to a multitude of receptive churches throughout the world. We prepare church leaders, adults, and children for peacemaking through educational resources, seminars, and training. We also provide conflict coaching, mediation, and arbitration services to resolve church and ministry disputes, lawsuits, family divisions, and business conflicts.

– Our History– Peacemaker Ministries was founded in 1982 under the auspices of the Christian

Legal Society, which helped to establish many similar ministries throughout the United States. In 1987, many of these conciliation ministries joined together to form the Association of Christian Conciliation Services (ACCS), which was designed to coordinate national networking, education, and conciliation activities. From 1989 to 1993, Peacemaker Ministries served as the national headquarters for the ACCS. To improve the efficiency of the national ministry, the ACCS merged into Peacemaker Ministries in 1993.

• The Biblical/Peacemaking Approach

– For many years Peacemaker Ministries has provide resources and training for peacemaking and conciliation. www.hispeace.org

Ken Sande is the President of Peacemaker Ministries. He is an engineer and attorney who, since 1982, has used biblical peacemaking principles to help resolve thousands of conflicts, including business, employment, and family disputes; church divisions; and complex lawsuits. He is a member of the national panel of arbitrators of the American Arbitration Association and has served on the board of directors of the Christian Legal Society and the Dispute Resolution Committee of the State Bar of Montana. He presently serves on the Board of Directors of the Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation in Philadelphia. Ken is a Certified Christian Conciliator and is the author of numerous resources on conflict resolution, including The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict, (Baker Books, Updated ed. 2003) andPeacemaking for Families (Tyndale, 2002).

The Peacemaker approach has a biblical theology for conflict resolution...

The Peacemaker approach has a biblical theology for conflict resolution...

• Glorify God• Get the log out of your own eye• Go and show your brother his fault - Gently restore• Go and be reconciled

• These four goals of conflict resolution are fully developed in all Peacemaker resources.

The Four G’sThe Four G’s

A helpful resource from Peacemaker Ministries is called “The Slippery Slope”. It diagrams the ways

people respond to conflict.

Copies of this diagram are available in a number of formats from Peacemaker Ministries or from Ambassadors of Reconciliation. They are inexpensive and also contain a fuller explanation of “The Slippery Slope” as well as “The Seven A’s of Confession” and “The Four Promises of Forgiveness”.

www.HisAoR.org

Mr. Ted Kober who had been part of the staff of Peacemakers has now created a new ministry that is associated with Peacemakers but focuses on working with Lutheran Christians and Churches. The new ministry is called Ambassadors of Reconciliation. www.hisaor.org/index.html

The Biblical/Peacemaking Approach

Ted Kober

• Most Peacemaker resources can be found at the Ambassadors of Reconciliation website –www.hisaor.org along with Ambassadors of Reconciliation resources and training that provide a “Lutheran Perspective”.

• Workshops are also offered to congregations onResponding to ConflictBiblically and Confessionally

A Theology of Conflict

I. The trail of conflict throughout Scripture

A. The beginning of Conflict: Genesis 3

B. The end of conflict: Revelation 21 & 22

C. In the “Meantime”

1. Cain with Abel, Genesis 4

2. The days of Noah, Genesis 6:13, 14

Conflict has become a normal part of human relationships.

3. The Tower of Babel, Genesis 11: 5-9

4. Acts 15 is the “conflict chapter” in the NT

A Theology of ConflictII. Understanding conflict from a Biblical point of view

A. Conflict as a result of the struggle to understand God’s direction for ministry

1. Segregation vs. Integration—Acts 10:9-11:18

2. The necessary conditions required for salvation and membership in the church. Acts 15: 1-35

B. Conflict as a result of differences between persons

1. Paul and Barnabas, Acts 15:36-41

2. The Corinthian Christians, I Cor. 1: 10-12, 3:4-4:6

C. Conflict as a result of sinful motives

1. David and Uriah, II Samuel 11

2. Jesus and the temple money changers, Matthew 21: 12-16

A Theology of Conflict

III. The Scriptures present three basic types of conflict among God’s people:

A. Conflicts over purposes and goals1. Is the Gospel for the Jews only, or is it also for the Gentiles?

Acts 10:9-11: 18

2. Should Mark accompany the Missionary Team? Acts 15:36-41

B. Conflicts over programs and methods

1. Must Gentile Christians be circumcised? Acts 15:1-15

2. What are the legitimate responsibilities of the apostles and of the disciples ? Acts 6:1-7

C. Conflicts of values or traditions

1. David and Uriah II Samuel 112. Jesus and the temple money changers, Matthew 21: 12, 13

A Theology of ConflictIV. Biblical understandings of the results of conflict

A. Conflict in the church can have positive results

B. Conflict in the church can strengthen the unity and spirit ofits people

C. Not all conflict is sinful

Wheat Ridge MinistriesWheat Ridge Ministries

The Following Sections include other helpful resources to manage conflict and change:

1. Mutual Ministry Committee and Personal Mission Plan2. The Pinch Theory3. The Role Renegotiation Model - Dr. John Savage

The Mutual Ministry Committee

• The Mutual Ministry Committee is a good and practical tool for helping congregations manage conflict that is related to the leadership style of the pastor and other professional church workers.

• Most congregations have no good process for accountability and evaluation of ministry. This process is well tested and comes from the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America.

– ELCA Manual on Mutual Ministry Call 1-800-328-4648 order #69-6735

• The next two slides outline the committee and an evaluation tool called a “Personal Ministry Plan” for worker evaluation and accountability.

– Developed by Rev. Tim Fangmeier - [email protected]

Mutual Ministry Committee• Membership

– 3 to 6 members and pastor – Elder, Council Member and Members chosen by Pastor/Professional workers.• Materials

– Job Description– Personal Performance Plan– Role Renegotiation Model– Congregational Evaluation Surveys– ELCA Manual on Mutual Ministry Call 1-800-328-4648 order #69-6735

• Meetings– Quarterly or more often - called by pastor/chairperson

• Purposes– Encouragement and Support– Listening and clarifying of expectations

• Congregation of Professional Workers/Staff• Professional Workers of Congregation and Leadership

– Sharing and communicating– Reviewing and revising– Evaluation of Congregation– Evaluation of Pastoral Staff/Professional Workers– Confidentiality– Recommendations to Congregation as needed - Policy, Programming, Procedures, Compensation,

Communications.• Definitions - for your Committee

– Your purpose - stated in writing– Your job description - shared with Council/Elders/School Bd.– Your meeting agenda

Personal Ministry Plan• The Purpose of the Plans

1.To coordinate every staff member’s efforts toward the Congregation’s Mission and Ministry Goals.2.To supplement the traditional job descriptions with opportunity for using individual gifts in an objective based

means of planning work and evaluating performance.3.To encourage regular and frequent discussions between staff members and their supervisors concerning

expectations and assessments of job performance.

• Outline of Plans:

Personal Mission Statement - A statement of a person’s overall life mission.

Life Scripture Verse - A verse that has been especially meaningful in you life.

Focus - A one sentence statement indicating the major purpose of the position as it relates to the mission of the congregation.

Aim - A brief statement of the major emphases or priorities of the position during the current calendar year. A general description of what I want to accomplish this year. (Primary Responsibilities)

Major Responsibilities - Those tasks, duties and activities that are the essence of the traditional job description.

• Objectives for the current year -

Regular objectives - Those activities that are fundamental to your position and should be accomplished by any person in that position.

Problem Solving Objectives - Activities that improve a situation or solve a problem.

Innovative Objectives - Activities that could improve a situation that is currently okay. Finding better ways to do something.

The plans will be discussed by the staff person and supervisor four times yearly for full time workers, twice yearly for part time staff. For coaching to understand this plan contact Tim Fangmeier - [email protected]

Pinch TheoryNegotiating

Contracting

Productive Life and Work

Disruption

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The Role Renegotiation Model

Gather Information

Developing Expectations

Commitment

Stability and Productivity

Pinch

Disruption and Broken Expectations

Role ClarificationPlanned Termination

Crunch

Mute Term

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High Anxiety Unstable Role Confusion

Renegotiation

Under Stress

Ennui Stalemate

Prem

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Ren

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Quick Fix (Rapid Repair)

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