Republic of the PhilippinesIfugao State University

Main Campus, Nayon, Lamut, Ifugao

Master of Arts in Nursing

POSITION PAPERAre you better or worse?

In Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements in Nursing Empowerment

Submitted By:BRIGITTE U. BUMANGHAT

Submitted To:CRISELDA I. DULNUAN, RM, RN, MAN

May 15, 2014Summer, S.Y.2013-2014

Overly Strict, Controlling Parents Risk Raising Delinquent KidsStudy Looks at Parenting Styles and Their Possible Effects on Kids’ BehaviorsBy Denise MannWebMD Health NewsReviewed by Hansa D. Bhargava, MD

Feb. 23, 2012 -- Many parents may think that taking a hard line with their kids will keep them on the straight and narrow, but a new study suggests this is not always the case.Uber-strict parents who rule with a controlling, iron fist -- while not giving their children a chance to speak their mind -- are more likely to raise children who are disrespectful and engage in delinquent behaviors such as stealing, hurting others, and/or substance abuse.“Kids don’t view them as a legitimate authority figure and are more likely to break the rules,” says researcher Rick Trinkner. He is a doctoral candidate at the University of New Hampshire in Durham. The new findings appear in the Journal of Adolescence.Trinkner and colleagues analyzed data from the New Hampshire Youth Study of middle- and high school-aged students. Students answered three questionnaires during an 18-month period. Questions concerned their parents’ discipline style, how they viewed their parents, and their history of delinquent behaviors.There are basically three types parenting styles:

Authoritative parents show discipline but also some warmth.Authoritarian parents show a lot of discipline and no warmth.Permissive parents show a lot of warmth and no discipline.

 Authoritative Parenting Gets Respect and ResultsAccording to the new study, authoritarian parents are most likely to raise children who are disrespectful of parental authority and/or engage in delinquent behaviors. Being overly permissive also has its downsides. The key is to strike it somewhere in the middle, Trinkner says.

“The best approach, from my perspective, is to be an authoritative parent. This means have discipline and standards for behavior and also showing warmth and also being receptive to a child's needs.”This starts by talking with, but not at, your child. “Allow your child to explain their concerns, anxiety, or problems with your rules, but this doesn’t mean you instantly give in,” he says.Put another way: Children should have a voice, but not a vote. “Children should have the opportunity to explain where they are coming from,” Trinkner tells WebMD. “Listen, but let them know this is still not going to fly and tell them why.”Susan Newman, PhD says good parenting starts early with clear boundaries and behavioral expectations. Newman is a social psychologist in Middlesex County, N.J., and author of several books, including The Case for the Only Child.It is important to explain to teens why you are putting a rule in place, she says. “Allow your child to explain his or her mistake/error in not adhering to a rule, because not giving a child a chance to be heard will probably result in the opposite of what you are trying to teach.”Also, admit when you might have been wrong to increase your legitimacy as a parent. “This, too, will help increase your credibility, earn your adolescent’s respect, and ideally open the door for him to come to you in the future with problems,” Newman tells WebMD.

Are you better or worse?

INTRODUCTIONThrough the years, our community has changed gradually and

drastically. The media has taken over and crept into young minds of the generation making them easily influenced to the pressures of society. Therefore, it is hard being a parent in these kinds of situations, especially when your kids don’t always respond to what you’ve wished. Sometimes being strict may seem like the only thing to do, but is that really the right or easiest action to take? Some kids may respond better to tighter rules and regulations in the household, but on the other hand, being kept on a tighter control may cause kids to rebel or protest of their restrictions.

However, if you're a parent, you get plenty of suggestions on how to raise your own kid. From experts to other parents, people are always ready to offer advice. Tips, parents' survival guides, dos, don'ts, should and shouldn’t, new ones always come out daily. The truth is there is more than one right way to be a good parent.

BODYThere are lots of arguments when we talk about being a parent and

raising a kid, so my argument would be do strict parents raise better kids? Or do parents who give their kids more freedom produce more successful kids?

Every parent has different expectations for their kids, and therefore every kid develops and matures in their own unique way. However, it is a common wish among parents that their kids grow up to be respectful, successful, compassionate, and sensible individuals who can contribute to and benefit from today’s society.

Parents who engage in being strict may have good intentions; however, they should be aware of possible long-term complications. In an article that I have read, “The Psychological Effects of Strict and Overprotective Parents by Brenda Scottsdale,” it stated there that parents who are too strict don’t give children the opportunity to make their own

mistakes. The article also mentioned four effects of being strict, delinquency, dependency, poor self-esteem and relationship harmony.

DelinquencyIn meta-analysis of research into parenting styles, entitled, "The Relationship Between Parenting and Delinquency: A Meta-analysis" and published in the Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology, authors report that a psychologically controlling parenting style was strongly associated with childhood anti-social behavior and delinquency. The effect was strongest for parents who combined a controlling style with neglect, hostility or rejection. Overprotective parenting was moderately associated with childhood delinquency. By contrast, the authors reported that a moderate level of monitoring and consistent, reasonable disciplinary limits were correlated with low levels of delinquency.DependencyAuthor David Pimentel, Ph.D., writes that 21st century parenting trends favor an overprotective parenting style, based on adults' unfounded fears of the dangers faced by their children, as fueled by the media. The children of overprotective, rigid parents fail to systematically learn from their mistakes and, therefore, fail to become independent. The stereotype is an immature adult who defers to his parents for even basic decision making and continues to live at home well into his adulthood.Poor Self-EsteemWhen these dependent adults attempt new tasks, they tend to fail because they have not developed fundamental skills as children. This lack of competency leads to feelings of poor self-esteem, lack of self-confidence and increased dependency. Pimentel notes that, in some cases, the children of overprotective, strict parents display an inability to manage even daily stressors, have poor time management skills, lack of creativity and fail to enjoy new experiences.

Relationship Harmony

Ruth Chao, Ph.D., and Vivian Tseng, Ph.D., wrote in their book "Asian Parents" that children raised by overprotective, strict parents report having trouble as adults in maintaining harmonious relationships. Some of these children, for example, were still giving large sums of money to their parents, which interferes with their ability to contribute financially to their own nuclear families. Others could not make decisions in their own marriages, instead deferring for their parents to make life-changing decisions for their own families.

In my own opinion, these effects are true. Sometimes extreme strictness of parents is robbing kids off their

childhood. For instance, a parent wants his kid to be as bright as Einstein; so he makes his kid’s daily routine tightly structured. He involves the kid with countless back-to-back activities. Aside from that, he always rejects his kid’s efforts in order to push him towards perfection. He always judges him negatively and he doesn’t appreciate the efforts of his kid. As a result, he may be damaging his kid’s self-perception and from my observation, a kid whose parents who constantly judge him negatively and are always telling him that he needs to do better can’t really develop a good sense of self-worth. This will also affect the kid when he becomes an adult, the kid will have only a few fond memories of being a little boy/girl.

One thing more, it’s usually strict parents who practice punishment. Consistent punishment, even if it’s just restriction, it can have a reverse effect. The results would be the kid may just become fearful and withdraw from all activities and contact with elders, or the kid could go out and start to partake in strange behavior. The more a parent administers punishment, the more rebellious a kid could become.

On the other hand, if you practice being very permissive wherein you allow your kids to do as they wish with little discipline, you may just not mind spoiling your kids. Sometimes parents who are permissive simply may not care what their kids do. This is not really the right way to raise kids when they are young, because this will cause them to think they can get away with

whatever they want and will have everything always handed to them. Once they enter adulthood, they might have a difficult time adjusting to society.

So for me, I would prefer to be strict in a way wherein there is right balance of discipline and freedom. Doing it in a nice way while implementing reasonable guidelines but still providing a warm and nurturing environment. As a result of this, kids will learn to respect their parents’ decisions and firm rules without the almost dictatorship feeling.

Parental efforts directly affect the kids and so the parents should be able to manage their kids’ behavior. Parents need to be encouraging and supportive of their kid’s good decisions and achievements, and let them learn from their mistakes. As parents, our sympathy for kids may lead to a better understanding between parents and kids and help to develop a healthier relationship as well as initiate successful behavior. Treating kids appropriately according to their age and teaching them empathy and values will help them flourish socially more than anything.

CONCLUSIONFrom my observations, being a parent is difficult, but it can prove to be

very rewarding. Caring for and providing for a family all the while trying to keep the individuals intact is a stressful job. Parents are responsible for their kid’s happiness, security, attitude, behavior, and many other things. Self-esteem, performance in school and at work, and social skills are all influenced by a parent’s views as well. It is important to apply the right balance of practices in raising kids to suit themselves, their kids and their lifestyle. It all depends on what their kid’s best respond to, for every kid is different. But what is best for kids will hopefully become a universal perspective for parents: love, compassion, support, trust, and respect. However, no one can entirely conclude anything about the final effects of raising kids in society since everyone acts differently in the presence of others than they do in the privacy of their own home. The only true evidence that we can examine to make theories is ultimately the kids themselves as they grow and actively participate in society. The facts cannot hold true for every parent or kid, but

what we do know we can conclude from the majority of functional families that have been studied throughout the years.