overwhelm or overload?
TRANSCRIPT
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Overwhelmed or Overloaded?
Linda McCarrinRipple Effect Development
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Contact Information
Linda McCarrin, CLC, CHC, B.A. Edu.
Email: [email protected]
708.253.5600
I invite you to visit my website and sign up for a weekly or monthly newsletter.
www.lindamccarrin.com
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Comparisons, Contrasts, Distinctions
• We learn thru the comparisons & contrasts in life.
• Without these life would be without learning; everything would be the same
• Today we will consider the distinction between being overwhelmed and overloaded
• First let’s touch on how we get that way.• Then when Overloaded becomes overwhelm
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Step Ladder to Success
• This concept is about how we live our lives…our “way of Being.” Bottom rung of the ladder is FEAR. Pre-historic times being chased by a saber-toothed tiger feeling Fear is appropriate. But LIVING out of Fear is neither appropriate, nor healthy. This can happen as a result of parenting, programming or a a significant trauma. Living in FEAR will significantly alter your health and well-being. Unconscious – something that we learn.
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Step Ladder to Success
• Moving up to DUTY – perfectly reasonable to be dutiful to our loved ones, the children and elderly in our lives.
• Duty to your country is Honorable.
• Living only from DUTY sets you up for non-fulfillment and resentment to the people you are being DUTIFUL to.
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Step Ladder to Success
• ACHIEVEMENT – – I lived from ACHIEVEMENT – – To do my best…but there was a self-imposed
fearful element also. I began having migraines.
– Doctor said, “In light of all the things you are taking on in life…you are a migraine profile!
– I had to give myself Permission to cut back!
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Look Familiar???
Fewer boundaries leads to confusion!
Confusion leads to inaction!
Inaction leads to stress!
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Overloaded
• Being Overloaded doesn’t always have the emotional
component that Overwhelm does….• But It CAN, such as when we get overtired
we may not have the emotional resilience
we would have if we were fully rested.
• “Overloaded” is more about choices in different areas of your life. Choices we need to give more conscious thought to: such as taking on yet another committee or telling both of your kids you’ll be room mom!
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Being Overloaded
• Lack of Time Management Skills• Lack of adequate Communication- Info.
*Result of Un/underdeveloped EI - Principles
– *Self-Awareness– *Self-Regulation– *Self-Motivation
Self-Awareness
*Emotional Intelligence – see Daniel Goleman’s work
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Time Management & Overload
Prioritize things according to urgency and importance
Important…but not Urgent…Plan ASAP Urgent but not Important for YOU…Delegate Not Urgent…Not Important
Dump it or postpone it!
Important & Urgent…Do right away!
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Lack of Information & Communication
• “Didn’t you get the memo?”
• “I left a note on the kitchen table!”
• “I thought you meant that you said that you put ALL of your check into our account!”
• Clarification needed– Say back to the
person what you heard or know - awkward sounding- do it a few x’s til comfort.
– Email reply “Received”– Have secure place for
family correspondence– Be specific – Housekeeping
home/office
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Underlying Habits & Behaviors
• Trying to be everything to everyone What’s the “payoff for you?” Attention? Look good? Sense of completion? You are the “go to” person? Savior mentality?
• Trying to focus on too many things at once Overachiever – multi-tasker – prioritizing is key as mentioned previously
• Being too optimistic about how much time it takes to do a task/ about the results not realistic –need better planning – this also refers back to the Emotional Intelligence
• Adding too many appointments and projects to your weekly calendar - can go back to the previous 2 & 3 -
• Not saying “no” to people and projects – © “ The Permission Piece” - Healthcare, service industries, people can be prone to this.
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Who’s in Control?
• Notice how all these things are a CHOICE you made? Every time you make a choice to do too much, you make a choice to be overloaded. You are in control.
• You are in control of your calendar. You are in control of which projects are top priority.
• You are in control of your thoughts about your business or personal life. You’re even in control about whether to answer your phone.
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Overwhelmed?
SOMETHING HAPPENS
MIND & BODY REACTS
EMOTIONALUPSET
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Overwhelmed?
Source of Overwhelm can come in the form of:
1) Sensory overload2) Emotional overload3) Self-defeating thoughts and behaviors4) Lack of Self-Care in general
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Sensory Overload & What it Leads To
• Too much noise? • Too much light?• Too much computer time?• Hungry?• Sleep deprived?• “Cushion Time” deprived?• Too little exercise?• Too little nature?• Too little nurturing?• Too little reading time?• Too little time, period.
• Confusion• Muscle tension• Stomach issues• Irritability• *Haste & Accidents – not always assoc.• Feeling sluggish• Anxiety• Out of touch• Questioning myself about:
– Am I good enough?– Did I get it right?– How should I respond to him/her?
• Lack of Self - Care
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Emotional Overload
• Lack of awareness about our emotions – what we are actually feeling
• Lack of self-regulation in regards to them
• Lack motivation to adjust or change emotional reaction
• What’s the answer?
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Lack of Emotional Awareness or Regulation
“The Key Remedy”Healing Feelings
• Anger• Sadness• Fear• Frustration• Embarrassment• Envy• Hurt
Emotional Blocks• Blame• Depression• Anxiety• Judgment• Perfectionism• Resentment/Jealousy• Self-Pity
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“Remedies”
• Instead of putting yourself down, speak to yourself compassionately like you would to a friend. What might you say to a close friend? Be your own friend!
• Ask trusted friends and associates what they would believe and do in a similar situation to yours.
• Instead of blaming yourself, reconsider all the factors contributing to the difficulty and look for solutions. "What factors contributed to this difficulty. Not, “What did I solely do to contribute to this?”
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Remedies
• Describe yourself, others, and events with new labels that are less emotionally charged and insulting. "How could I describe myself, others, and events without saying negative things?"
• Instead of thinking in DUALISTIC terms of all-or-nothing, black and white, good or bad, right or wrong… look at average, middle grounds, and gray areas. Avoid words such as: never and always.
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Remedies
• Humor! You make humor of your thought or exaggerate it and make it very silly. "Can you make your thought appear silly?"
– Example: Whenever I make a mistake instead of beating myself up about it. I acknowledge it and know that I’m having another “LIN-DUH MOMENT!”
– GOOD LAUGH WHILE ACKNOWLEGING THE ERRORS OF
MY WAYS!
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Other Resources - Overwhelm• Psychotherapy• Life Coach• Medication• Meditation• Yoga• Exercise – Cardio/Strength• EFT ( Emotional Freedom
Technique)• EMDR – Rapid Eye Movement
Therapy
• Self-Care– “Permission Piece”– Nutrition– Sleep– Relaxation – Deep Breathing – 40 a day!– Massage– Listening to positive tapes– Delegating tasks– Look out for co-dependent
behavior – savior syndrome
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Linda McCarrin Training & Coach
• Individuals, small groups, companies & organizations– Relationships – personal & professional– Transitions – careers, entrepreneurs– Dynamics after a loss – job, loved one, etc.– Conflict Management– Emotional Intelligence– Team Building
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Favorite “Human” Quotes
“People don’t change until the pain of staying the same gets too great.”
“ Change is Inevitable…Growth is Optional…Why not take the option?
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My upcoming publicationCelebration of Life…Inspiration for
Women
• Chapter is named: “Something Happened On The Way To My Life”
• Email me at [email protected]
• Website: www.lindamccarrin.com
• PWN Publishers
Thank you for tuning in!
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Ripple Effect Development
Linda McCarrin, CLC, CHC, B.A. Edu.www.lindamccarrin.com