once henry ix had crowned himself

ONCE HENRY IXHAD CROWNED HIMSELF

a silly poem by+

CHRISTOPHER HAYDEN

M O D U S A R T S G R O U P

This poem is dedicatedto my friend Eva Tomeov.

AUTHORS CAVEAT : this is nothing but a silly daydream of a poem wherein I describe how I fancy things would go if I were the God-appointed yet self-crowned First American King of England - one of my favorite artistic obsessions this past year or so.

ONCE HENRY IX HAD CROWNED HIMSELF

I

(He's really just a normal guyQuite mean when drunk - yet very sly)

Once Henry Nine had crowned himselfHe picked his sword up off the shelfAnd Knighted three men straight awayHe did this on his reign's first day

Sir Johan was a Swedish PrinceHe had a certain countenanceThe English King picked him by handHe knew the Swede could understandThe war that soon would need be foughtThese things cannot be simply taught

Sir Anthony was next in lineAn economic expert's mindA Dutchman to be more preciseThe King had charged a heavy priceTo add Sir Anthony to his teamIt made The City of London scream

The third man to be Knighted GoodSir Fred - who wore a hangman's hoodHis face was hidden from the sightOf every other Holy KnightIf Henry nodded - Sir Fred killedIf Henry said so - God had willed

And so the Divine Right of KingsFlowed in the Blood from which it springsAnd Europe turned from Dark to LightThe English King would make it rightAn iron fist in a velvet gloveInstalled by God from Up Above

England's first American KingBorn Christopher - to thee we singFor Henry Nine is just the nameThe Church of England made him claim


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II

Once Henry Nine had three new KnightsHe formalized their Special RightsAnd next called for the severed headOf many a traitor - count the dead

America was claimed in daysHe took it all in secret waysThe President was drawn and hangedThe Congress sheepishly haranguedThe Constitution seized and burnedDemocracy a lesson learnedMankind requires Christian KingsTo run things right and handle things

The neo-cons were rounded upIn FEMA camps those fiends did supWith communists and common crooksThey took their turns upon the hooksOf Henry Nine that bloody KingWho conquered damn near everything

Ten thousand bankers soon were foundIn his dungeons - chained and boundOne by one they stood for trialCondemned men who in a whileWould soon receive a knotted ropeIn exchange for their last hope

The Continent was his next hitThe shells flew wild - the fires spitHe seized back all of ChristendomSent many on to Kingdom ComeHe then expelled the foreign hoardsAs many fell to his men's swords

And so in mighty leaps and boundsHe purified those Holy GroundsAnd Europa adored her KingHail Christopher - to thee we sing


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III

The globe itself fell into lineWhen Henry said, All this is mine.Most everywhere the people smiledWhoever dreamed of a King so wild?

All Africa knelt on its kneesHe taxed them only honey beesAnd freed them to enjoy their wealthThat despots had purloined by stealth

In Asia there were screams and bloodWhich flowed until the dirt was mudAnd India was much the sameBut Henry IX could take no blame For God had sent him down this pathHe simply had to do the mathAt last they buckled to his forcesAnd Henry ceded their resourcesTo the commons, for the goodThat royal, crafty Robin Hood

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IVAnd with his Empire in his handHenry Nine now took his standAnd used his powers to demandThat all mankind take reprimand -

"The bankers financed all the wars"The politicians were their whores"The soldiers were their foolish pawns"Mowed down like grass on golf course lawns"Yes Henry taught them all these thingsHail Christopher - to thee we sing

Yes Henry Nine is just the nameThe Church of England made him claim


- CHRISTOPHER HAYDEN

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SECRET KEY - The three Knights mentioned in the stanzas of this poem are based on three real people. 'Sir Johan' is Johan Harper the Swedish jazz drummer - one of my oldest and best friends on social media. 'Sir Anthony' is Dutch contrarian economist and philosopher Anthony Migchels. And 'Sir Fred' is Fred Leuchter, execution equipment engineering specialist, holocaust investigator and subject of the Erroll Morris documentary film "MR. DEATH."

https://www.facebook.com/johan.harper1

https://www.facebook.com/anthony.migchels

https://www.facebook.com/fred.leuchter?fref=ts

once henry ix had crowned himself

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