multidisciplinary association for psychedelic … · she was buried there exactly 100 years ago, in...

Special Edition: Psychedelics & Self-Discovery“Riverine Reverie” ©2007, Mark Henson

VOLUME XVI I NUMBER 2 • AUTUMN 2007

MULTIDISCIPLINARY ASSOCIATION FOR PSYCHEDELIC STUDIESMULTIDISCIPLINARY ASSOCIATION FOR PSYCHEDELIC STUDIESMULTIDISCIPLINARY ASSOCIATION FOR PSYCHEDELIC STUDIESMULTIDISCIPLINARY ASSOCIATION FOR PSYCHEDELIC STUDIES

2 m a p s • v o l u m e x v i i n u m b e r 2 • a u t u m n 2 o o 7

®– Rick Doblin, Ph.D., MAPS President

MAPS’ focus on psychedelic and medicalmarijuana research studies, politics, organiza-tion-building and fundraising occupy almostall my working hours. Yet what initiallymotivated me to invest my life energies intothis work were my personal psychedelic andmarijuana experiences, and those of otherswho shared their stories with me.

It’s these intensely personal narrativesthat can get lost in the details of this researchproject, that regulatory hurdle, this mediaarticle, that donation, each small step towardour larger goal of building a society matureenough to integrate psychedelics and mari-juana rather than prohibit and repress them.

This special issue of the MAPS Bulletin onpsychedelics and self-discovery is edited by JagDavies and Sarah Hufford. MAPS’ increasinguse of email updates and our website tocommunicate about our work in detail and ona timely basis creates this opportunity for us totake a short hiatus from using the Bulletin forreports about MAPS’ growing number ofpromising research and educational projects.This issue is an effort to bring to the fore-ground the experiences that often remain inthe background of MAPS’ work, to look inmore depth at what lies beneath the surface ofall our efforts.

I’m writing now after returning fromIsrael. I traveled there with my family thistime, so my brother, my wife and I could showour three children and nephew their ancestralroots. We went on a lengthy search under theblazing sun in Jerusalem, looking for the graveof my great-great grandmother. She was buriedthere exactly 100 years ago, in 1907. She wasthe first of our relatives in modern times tomove there, which she did alone, leaving hergrown children behind. After finally locatingher grave on the Mt. of Olives, where Jews aretraditionally buried in expectation of beingfirst in line for the resurrection, I couldn’t helpbut wonder what she would think aboutMAPS’ Israeli psychedelic and marijuanaprojects. After all, I can’t quite see the point intrying to be first in line after the resurrection.

While in Israel, I worked to prepare for theenrollment of the first subject in MAPS’MDMA/PTSD study. I also laid the ground-

work for MAPS’ first Israeli medical marijuanaprojects. Along with Philippe Lucas, founder ofthe Vancouver Island Compassion Society(VICS), who MAPS brought to Israel as anexpert consultant, I met with the IsraeliMinistry of Health (MOH) official consideringwhether to license a non-profit medicalmarijuana production facility. Joining us werean Israeli MD with expertise in herbal medi-cines (especially the pomegranate) and severalIsraeli medical marijuana advocates. Thefacility is providing marijuana for sale to alimited number of MOH-approved patients, tokeep them from having to obtain black marketsupplies.

I assume my great-great grandmotherwould initially be perplexed and inclined todisapprove of my work. Yet, I think she wouldcome to understand and support our efforts toprovide medicines and healing to those inneed. What might give her pause is ourbroader struggle to help people experience theunderlying sense of connection and meaningprovided by the mystical experience, whichpsychedelics can catalyze. Since she had somesort of spiritual yearning, I hope that she’d seethis aspect of our work as an antidote tofundamentalism, fostering a more universalspirituality that nevertheless embraces theunique particularities of religions.

The need for touchstones between reli-gions, and for MDMA/PTSD research, wasmade vivid as my family and I traveled throughareas of Israel that were evacuated last yearduring the war. One day, we walked through-out the Old City of Jerusalem, commenting onthe relaxed atmosphere. The very next morn-ing, a running gun battle broke out in theChristian Quarter, where we had been walkingso shortly before. A Palestinian jumped anIsraeli guard, took his gun, shot him in theshoulder, ran, and was killed by another Israeliguard who chased him. Ten bystanders werehurt, some from ricocheted bullets.

It’s in large part to provide antidotes toand prevention of these worldly, destructivenon-psychedelic moments, that motivate menow to continue MAPS’ work, inspired andempowered by the sorts of experiences pre-sented in this special issue.

m a p s • v o l u m e x v i i n u m b e r 2 • a u t u m n 2 o o 7 3

MAPS’ organizational strategy prioritizes clinical research because cold,hard science is required to lay the foundation for the broad changes that weare aiming to generate. Although clinical research may persuade the FDA thatpsychedelics and marijuana are safe and have legitimate therapeutic applica-tions, the re-integration of legal contexts for the use of psychedelics in oursociety can only reach its full potential if there is an honest, human side to thestory as well.

The human stories are already there, waiting to be told. Furthermore,for some people in certain contexts, psychedelics are already somewhatintegrated into their culture or society. Yet, thanks to prohibition and theassociated stigmas and misunderstandings surrounding psychedelics, manypotentially valuable stories and lessons are never shared.

One of the more insidious aspects of psychedelic prohibition is that itcan trap its critics and civil disobedients in oppositional dualisms. As by-products of society and open to the subtle power of suggestion, evenpsychedelic users can’t help but take some of society's implicit assumptionsfor granted.

That has been my experience, at least. Shortly after my eighteenthbirthday, I had my first “experience,” with a friend at a lush botanical park. Inretrospect, I was not as well-educated or prepared as I could have been. Forone thing, my primary motivation was “fun.” While it was indeed fun attimes, it was also one of the most startling, blissful, self-introspective,frightening, emotionally unsettling, surreal and thought-provokingexperiences of my life. My expectation of mere “fun,” as one mightimagine, was somewhat counter-productive.

Another effect of prohibition is that it influences more than just laws;it also institutionalizes other forms of discrimination. Growing up in the1980s and 90s in a mostly poor, multi-racial neighborhood in Miami, I notonly saw the catastrophic effects of the “War on Drugs” firsthand, but I alsogleaned from the city’s racial and ethnic tensions that changing a law orpolicy–such as prohibiting race-based prejudice and segregation–does notnecessarily change ingrained behaviors and assumptions. If psychedelics weremade completely legal tomorrow, more subtle forms of harmful discrimina-tion would undoubtedly persist. For MAPS to achieve its long-term goals ofre-integrating the legal use of psychedelics and marijuana into our society, itis imperative that we facilitate cultural understanding, in addition to scien-tific knowledge.

While it may be practical for MAPS to identify specific clinical indicationsfor which psychedelic-assisted therapy is safe and efficacious, MAPS alsobelieves that with proper preparation and guidance, psychedelics can helpimprove the quality of life for “normal,” healthy people without a diagnosedpsychiatric disorder. The topic of self-discovery cuts to the heart of this.

On behalf of the MAPS staff, thank you to the thoughtful, open, andcourageous individuals that contributed to this special issue. •

Letter from the Editor

Jag Davies


Psychedelics and ConsciousnessThe “one reality/one truth” perspective was totally destroyedfor me by my first psychedelic trip. I had the benefit of two experiencedguides, and some really good LSD, Tim Scully’s “Orange Sunshine.”

I took the tabs at 10 in the morning, and by noon my mind had beensubstantially remade. It is not what happened during the trip (anotherstory altogether) but how I understood it that was so shaking.

From what I gathered, I had been asleep for 47 years believing thatthe way I saw things was pretty much the way they actually were.People who disagreed with me were either poor observers, or bad atdrawing conclusions. How could so many people be mistaken about somany things? I didn’t have an answer to that, but I knew that I waspretty much right.

The trip led me to a smallunderstanding of how the mindgenerates its own reality andhow each of those realities was aproduct of the mind’s endlesscultural programming.

Under this new perspective,I came to understand thateverything I saw and didn’t see,heard and didn’t hear-all of theinputs by which I judgedreality-were in fact a product ofinnumerable filters and screensof whose ability to shape myworld I had been almost totallyunaware. I was familiar withthat idea but had never soforcefully experienced it. Theseunseen membranes created aparticular “Jeremy Tarcher Pointof View.”

With the experience,everything changed. Everythingbecame more fluid, richer inpossibilities, more ambiguous,more paradoxical, more multi-dimensional and more fun. Thisopen framework offered a better

way of thinking for me. Daily life was still chop wood/carry water, butnow with a more discriminating ax and a less leaky bucket.

As LSD brought about a great cognitive shift for me, so Ecstasy openedmy heart in ways that have helped me live in a less dichotomous world,more deeply connected to all beings.

If you’re lucky, these openings do not totally contract in the course ofeveryday life. If you have a pipe, and some smoke-able herbs, you can atleast remind yourself of the reality of those deeper places, even when youdon’t get the full energy of being there.

That, in brief, is my experience, but not one that I would see as beinguniversal. As always, caveat emptor. •

Daily life was still chop wood/carry water,

but now with a more discriminating ax

and a less leaky bucket.

Jeremy Tarcher


incredibly gifted guide, I would not havebeen successful at all of my responsibili-ties. My psychedelic therapy allowed meto work through an attachment to suffer-ing, which came partly from my tradi-tional Jewish upbringing. It made meaware of many personality issues thatwere crippling me, and it taught me howto be a father to my children. I rememberone experience I had in which I felt, inaltered consciousness, what it is like to bea child treated harshly by his father. I

[Psychedelic therapy] made me aware of many

personality issues that were crippling me, and

it taught me how to be a father to my children.

For five years I took an intentionalvacation from altering my consciousnessin any way. Then, at age 55 I went on asolo pilgrimage to Manaus, Brazil, where Idrank ayahuasca for the first time in atherapeutic context. This experience, likemy first LSD trip, was life-transforming. Ihad finally found my medicine, or ratherthe medicine had found me. During thelast seven years, with the help of thisamazing mixture of plants, I have madetremendous progress with issues ofcontrol, obsessive thinking, fear andfinding meaningful work. With the helpof insights obtained with the use ofayahausca, I summoned the courage toleave a corporate job to pursue teaching,and I have broken the back of a lifelongfood addiction. My spiritual life is incred-ibly rich, my marriage is alive and vibrantand I am comfortable in my role as afather.

I returned to Brazil several moretimes, once with my wife and anothertime with my daughter. All of my earlierexperiences with psychedelics lead me towhat in South America is called “themedicine” or la purga (“the purge”). I livewith less anxiety and worry, and I havedays where I marvel at the beauty andcreativity that surrounds me.

I truly cannot imagine who I would bewithout the knowledge and wisdom Ihave received through the use ofpsychedelics. They have taught me how toovercome seemingly insurmountableobstacles. They introduced me to spiritual-ity, and have allowed me to gain insightsabout life, death and immortality. Theyhave taught me how to live. I am forevergrateful to the guide who helped extricateme from suffering, and to all those whohave gone before and paved the way forthose of us on the medicine path. •

vowed then and there to make every effortnot to put out such harsh energy to myown children, and, if I accidentally did, Iwould immediately apologize. This is justone of many experiences of teaching thatwere so important to me during this time.

Psychedelics started me on a spiritualpath that has become the foundation ofmy life. I began a lifelong meditationpractice and became intensely interestedin Buddhism, which provided a map of theterritory I was exploring in my sessions. Iam almost certain that my 30-yearmarriage would not have survived with-out this spiritual path. I cannot imagineliving without the lessons and tools I havegained in expanded consciousness.

At the end of my twelve years ofguided healing with the aid of substances,I was encouraged to do a high dosemushroom session by myself, with myguide nearby. During this blissful andterrifying session I learned that I had thetools to journey on my own into theserealms. The experience was tremendouslyempowering. I had graduated to a newlevel of exploration.


Growing up gay in the sixties was anything but that. The subjectwas hardly talked about in polite society. When it was mentioned at all, itwas in embarrassed, hushed tones and the subject was quickly changed. Icould hardly admit this secret truth about myself. All I knew was a lot offrustration and loneliness. I wanted to change my life, to make it freer andhappier but I didn’t know how. Church didn’t help too much. A couple ofpsychotherapists had barely scratched the surface. I had heard of LSD ofall places in Sunday schoolfrom a young seminarystudent and wondered howa pill could enable one to seeGod. Then one day myfather brought a book homefor me titled The Varieties ofPsychedelic Experience. It wasbasically case studies ofpeople whose lives had beenchanged through insightsreceived during guidedsessions with entheogens. Iate it up and determinedthat whatever else I didwhile at college, I was goingto look into that.

The substances I wasinterested in, namely LSDand mescaline, were alreadyillegal by that time, and Iknew of no one who wasprofessionally trained tofacilitate therapeuticsessions with them. So, I was on my own both to obtain the substancesand to conduct my own sessions. I knew the importance of proper mentalpreparation and a supportive setting and did the best I could with mylimited resources as a college student living on campus. I had expected tosee hallucinations and was totally unprepared for something so deep, rich,and profound, that seemed more real to me than anything I had called“reality” up to that time. Though I didn’t have language to express it then,what I was in fact seeing was the divine nature of my own soul. As long asI live I will never forget the “talk” the universe had with me during anexperience in a public park with peyote. It was all about self-acceptanceand going with the flow of things. Such deep cosmic truth had neverbefore been encoded on a discarded gum wrapper. Wow!

As a ministerial intern and lifelong student of consciousness, I mustin all fairness say that I do not believe that any mystical or religiousexperience–however it is arrived at–is transformational all by itself.There is no magic bullet and no substitute for the discipline of spiritualpractice and the work that entails. But such experiences do facilitate adepth of personal conviction and understanding that can inform ourchoices made in the everyday world, if we allow it to be so. Such choicesmade in integrity with the deepest parts of our revealed being can lead usto the truest and fullest experience of life that we are capable of. Andwhat purpose is nobler than that? •

There is no

magic bullet

and no substitute

for the discipline

of spiritual practice

and the work

that entails.

Entheogens and Personal DevelopmentTerry Turner


Doctor QuantumDrops Acid

Nick Herbert, PhD

Photo: Reno DeCaro


By 1963 I had completed my course work,passed my prelims, chosen a thesis advisor, andstarted my thesis work on a small particleaccelerator located in the basement ofStanford’s Inner Quad. Meanwhile, in acampus folk dance class, I met Ann Manly, apretty psychology undergraduate who intro-duced me to her friend Rae Larson, a psychol-ogy graduate student. Like all undergraduatewomen, Ann lived in a dorm, but Rae wasrenting a cozy little house in East Palo Altowhere Ann spent most of her free time. Inaddition to being a friend to both women,I served as a psychological guinea pig for theirclasses in “Psychological Testing” and wassubjected to interminable rounds of IQ,personality and mental pathology tests. Ilearned almost nothing from these tests exceptthat I was quite clever (which I already knew)and that I had a pathetically low ability tomemorize strings of numbers.

Their feminine charms and curious psychtests attracted me, but, in addition, Ann andRae had enrolled as subjects in an off-campusprogram which was investigating the effects ofa new mind drug called LSD. The Institute forAdvanced Study (IFAS) in Menlo Park wasfounded by Myron Stolaroff, an Ampexengineer, and was staffed by a number ofStanford faculty and graduate‘ students, someof whom I knew as friends, notably JimFadiman and Willis Harman.

I had heard of LSD. During my first year inCalifornia, I had picked up a book by AlanWatts (whom I had never heard of) describing

In the fall of 1957, while studying engineering physics at Ohio State,I was working as an intern in America’s nascent space program at RedstoneArsenal in Huntsville, Alabama when the Soviet Union launched Sputnik

and opened up the “missile gap.” To catch up with the Russians, the USquickly began shoveling lots of money into American science. So whenI graduated (at the top of my class) from OSU in 1959, I was awarded a“Sputnik scholarship” to any graduate school I pleased. Thus, courtesy

of the Soviet missile program, I ended up at Stanford.

his two LSD sessions in a rural setting. In TheJoyous Cosmology, Watts describes religiousand philosophical insights perceived under itsinfluence as well as enhanced perception ofnatural objects. This book, to my mind, is stillone of the best introductions to the effects ofLSD, from a religious philosophy perspective.It aroused my curiosity about this new mind-altering drug. I wished I could try some myself.

The LSD program at IFAS in Menlo Parkcost $600, priced out of reach for a poorgraduate student, but I hoped I could at leastexperience LSD vicariously through theadventures of my friends Ann and Rae.

ne theoretical model for the IFASproject was that they would set up a

situation that precisely inverts the classicFreudian “primal scene.” In Freud’s model ofneurosis the child experiences a profoundlydistressing emotional event (his parentscopulating, say) that his immature mindcannot integrate into his map of the world.The memory of this psychologically indigest-ible primal scene is repressed, say the Freud-ians, surfacing only as inexplicable neuroticsymptoms. If an unutterably horrible experi-ence on an unprepared mind can make yourlife worse, how might an indescribablybeautiful experience by a specially preparedmind change a person’s life for the better? Thiswas one of the questions that the people at theFoundation in Menlo Park intended to address.

The primary goal of the Foundation was tohelp you design your first psychedelic experi-

As a physicist I question the powers-that-be:

“If you trust me with Plutonium,

why not LSD?”

OOOOO


ence for maximum positive impact. You chose the friendsyou wanted to be with, the setting, the music and thequestions you wanted to ask. The therapist who would beyour guide got to know you through the (inevitable)psychological tests and interviews. To investigate yourpossible reaction to the “ego loss” sometimes experiencedunder LSD, a supervised session under “carbogen” wasscheduled. This gas is a mixture of oxygen and carbondioxide which triggers a physiological “drowning reflex.”Some participants in the IFAS program reported that thepanic induced by carbogen was worse than anything theyexperienced under acid.

hallucination,” I scoffed, arrogantly challenging the drugto show me more.

I got to my feet, rushed to the bathroom to throw up. Ireturned, sipped some more tea. The hallucinations hadvanished. Perhaps because of my initial bad manners,minimal visual effects occurred that afternoon and visualeffects tended to be rare in my subsequent experienceswith psychedelics.

Then I was swept up in a wave of amplified attentionto my inner life. My mind was racing, full of thoughts,images, and relationships. And I could attend to thesethoughts with a powerful intensity not available in my

Before I tried acid I was entirely ignorant

of the range of states of mind

it is possible for humans to experience.

As Ann & Rae were wending their way through theIFAS program, anticipating their first acid trip, we werereading everything we could get our hands on about thisnew mind-altering drug. Coincidental with the investiga-tions going on at Stanford, a program at Harvard led byDrs. Leary, Alpert and Metzner was gathering steam.They began publishing their own results as well as classicaccounts of what they called “expanded awareness” in anew journal called the Psychedelic Review.1

Either in Psychedelic Review or in one of the manypapers referenced there, we discovered that there wereseveral naturally occurring sources of LSD and LSDanalogs such as LSA. One of these sources was the com-mon morning glory seed, a variety of which was used inceremonies by natives of Mexico. The effective dosage ofLSA lies between 100-500 micrograms and the literatureimplied that one seed was equivalent to one microgramof LSD.

In the fall of 1963 I visited a nursery in San Jose andpurchased a 10-pound sack of morning glory seeds, anddecided to run my own psychedelic session with Ann andRae as guides.

the afternoon of October 5, 1963, in Rae’scomfortable little house in Palo Alto, I ingested

300 seeds ground up and mixed with peanut butter toimprove the taste and settled in to wait for the visions.The taste of morning glory seeds is really horrible. Recall-ing that taste still makes me shudder. Much worse thanpeyote or ayahuasca.

About half an hour later, to calm my stomach I wassipping a cup of tea and became fascinated by the way thetea was flowing back down the rim of the cup. Suddenlythe liquid wetting the inside of the cup was transformedinto a cascade of glistening jewels. “Beautiful, but a mere

ordinary state. I saw myself with a clarity never beforeachieved, immersed myself in my “Nickness” in a way Ihad never thought possible.

When LSD was first tested by psychologists somebelieved it caused an artificial psychoses (a “psychotomi-metic”) and thus useful as a tool for therapists to get afirst-hand experience of what it was like to go crazy. Butthe term coined by Canadian psychologist HumphreyOsmond (also famous for giving acid to Aldous Huxley)more precisely describes LSD’s effects. “Psychedelic”means “mind manifesting,” a powerful searchlight intothe depths of your own subjectivity, an intense probe intowhat it means to be “you.”

eanwhile, back in Rae Larson’s living room I wasbusy exploring the insides of Nick Herbert with a

clarity, an urgency and an intensity that were neverpreviously available. As a good physicist I had planned todo a little science. I was going to examine the timedistortion alleged to occur under acid. To this end I waswearing a watch with a sweep-second hand and myexperiment consisted of simply observing whether thehand was traveling faster or slower than normal.

The results surprised me. Immersed in the rich detailsof my own inner state, it was difficult to draw my atten-tion to the watch on my wrist. It seemed one of thousandsof options to explore and I would get to it soon. In fact Iwould get to it NOW! And then I looked at my watch.

The watch was running at normal speed. But I wascompletely straight. I closed my eyes and re-entered thepsychedelic state. But every time I tried to look at mywatch it brought me down. It was impossible for me to betripping and to do science. I did this three times and gaveup. The universe (or a deeper part of Nick) was showingoff its peculiar sense of humor.

MMMMM

OnOnOnOnOn


Then it came and tried to get me. I felt myself dissolv-ing around the edges, vaguely uneasy. This was no longerfun. Whatever it was that made me ME was somehowfragmenting away. The foundations of who I was werecrumbling. I didn’t like this one bit.

I asserted myself. And it brushed me aside. I pulledmyself together. And it scattered me into pieces.

Then I realized (again with a bit of humor) that I wasfighting with something that knew all my tricks. All mydefenses were useless because the enemy (enemy?) wasalready inside the walls, could read all my codes, knew allof my weaknesses, and could see through my pretensions.

I laughed. And dissolved into nothingness. No Nick. Iemerged again. Only to be swept under once more.

The best way I can describe this state is that there isno Nick. But there is still a very intense awareness, aperception. But it’s entirely impersonal. What’s left ofNick is a terror that the LSD has wrecked his mind andthat he’s going to exist in this state forever. If this state isthe ego loss that the Buddhists so earnestly seek, it’sabsolutely worthless. There’s no one to enjoy it.

I have experienced this state more than once on

it is folly to lock up scientists for their choice of tools. Anynation that imprisons its scientists for investigatingpsychedelic drugs belongs in the Middle Ages. As aphysicist I question the powers-that-be: “If you trust mewith Plutonium, why not LSD?”

a scientific research tool, LSD is particularlyinteresting because it alters not merely perceptions

but the very entity doing the perceiving. Most of thesestates are ineffable, and cannot be described because oftheir strange variations on the experience/experiencersplit. It’s not like watching movies. Sometimes it’s morelike having the movies watch you. Looking in a mirror onacid is particularly informative.

In addition to my many teachers, friends and guides,three of the most important influences on my life havebeen Catholicism, quantum physics and LSD. The firstgave me an appreciation for the spiritual side of life, thesecond an appreciation for the mysterious complexity ofthe material world and the third an appreciation of theunexplored depths of subjective experience.

It‘s not like watching movies.

Sometimes it‘s more like having the movies

watch you. Looking in a mirror on acid

is particularly informative.

subsequent acid trips and always find it terrifying,although not as frightful as that first wholly unexpectedego dissolution in Rae Larson’s comfortable living room.

Before I tried acid I was entirely ignorant of the rangeof states of mind it is possible for humans to experience.One of these experiences is an immense gratitude forbeing allowed entry into this world of expanded aware-ness. I am glad that I have been given the opportunity toexperience these states; it would have been a real shame tohave died without ever having known that such unusualexperiences were possible.

What was the nature of this powerful mind-manifest-ing molecule? How did it work? I needed professionalhelp. I would ask a Stanford doctor; there were plenty athand. My friend Bob Erickson, then in Stanford medicalschool, summed up the science side for me. “You tell mehow ordinary consciousness works, Nick, and I’ll tell youhow LSD modifies that.” Thanks, Bob. Forty years later,scientists know so precious little about ordinary aware-ness that taking LSD is still experimenting at the veryedges of human knowledge.

The essence of science is unfettered inquiry. Espe-cially in an area so full of ignorance as the nature of mind,

Like many a psychedelic veteran I keep sewn insidemy imaginary flight suit the words of psychologistWilliam James (a pioneer tripper on mescaline andnitrous oxide):

“Our normal waking consciousness, rational con-sciousness as we call it, is but one special type of con-sciousness, whilst all about it, parted from it by thefilmiest of screens, there lie potential forms of conscious-ness entirely different. We may go though life withoutsuspecting their existence, but apply the requisite stimu-lus, and at a touch they are there in all their completeness.No account of the universe in its totality can be finalwhich leaves these forms of consciousness quite disre-garded.” •

Nick Herbert is the author of Quantum Reality, Faster Than Light,Elemental Mind and a chapbook Physics on All Fours. He devised theshortest proof of Bell’s Theorem, had a hand in the Quantum No-CloningRule and is presently obsessed with Quantum Tantra. Nick’s home pageresides at: members.cruzio.com/~quanta

1. Posted on the MAPS website at maps.org/psychedelicreview

AAAAAsssss


ometimes, my work seems to begthe question of people: Where doesthis come from? And the answer

may be: from a process of self-discoveryand personal inquisitiveness. Aren’t therevisionary states involved? Don’t you gethigh? I mean, how does anybody thinkthis stuff up? In short: Yes and no. Mostlyjust breathing and being.

Psychedelics have helped to open meup to the possibilities contained withinmy own psyche, have helped me to gainsome understanding of the presence that isoutside of myself, and have given morethan just a little push toward understand-ing that those two things are one in thesame. Of course, yoga has helped this too.As has meditation, walks along the beach,dancing, painting, in short: LivingConsicously. My work is born from apractice of continual self-discovery andbeing open to the messages that are beingspoken by the universe.

Psychedelics are helpful in uncoveringthe layers of the self. In my early twentiesthey helped to blast open the doors. But, sodid the music, the dancing and the intensemotivations. What I mean to say is whathas already been said before: set andsetting are as important to the process asthe drug itself. Your very own mind helpsto provide that set and setting. This iswhere intentions find importance. A solidspiritual practice based on compassion andwisdom (not dogma) is more than justuseful, it is intrinsic to the process. Oncethat self, that identity, has been uncov-ered, the actual work of deconditioningand deconstructing can begin. Until wehave pulled the wool away from our eyesand truly looked at our minds and heartsas they are and not as we would like themto be can we really begin to make anyprogress on this path of self discovery.

Focus was the first painting I painted.I’d done nothing but move, party, seepeople, women, etc, for months and I wasa frenzied burning flame that needed tosettle, ground out, and, well, get focused. Ihad grand visions inside myself, I could

Editor’s note:

After we settled on “Focus”for the front cover of thisissue, we invited its creator,the artist Michael Brown,to write an article onpsychedelics, self-discovery,and art. We were amazedat Michael’s profoundresponse, and to learnthat “Focus” was actuallyMichael’s first painting.

feel them reeling about in there, allscreaming to be let out, but that processrequires stillness and presence of mind. Inan exercise in catharsis, I let loose into thecanvas, and all the fire and wind pouredout until the clear line appeared. Thewriting on the wall, in the flames,emerged and dashed itself across myvision.

Shortly thereafter I went to New YorkCity for a business trip with a businesspartner of mine. We stayed in downtownManhattan at the Sheraton way up abovethe noisy city streets. After a couple daysof work we each took a liberal amount ofLSD and went to the MOMA, that vault ofModern Art, to pay homage to the mastersof the previous century.

The acid came on strong and prettysoon I was standing in awe before Monet’sthree panels of clouds and water lilies. Atthat time it was located in the five storyatrium opposite Barnett Newmans’“Broken Obelisk.” I went to the third,fourth and fifth floors so I could get abetter view of the painting, only to haveto head back down to standing 12 inchesin front of it again just to examine thetexture and details. It opened up beforeme, blasting open my mind. I saw the truedepth of this masterpiece, the vastlifetimes contained with in it, the mul-tiple moments of NOW. The sadness andawe, romance, war, faces, memories,French powder rooms and uptightsummer garden parties, every face ofevery person I have ever known. It was ajaw-droppingly inspiring experiencebecause this artist, in a painting with asubject matter so simple, managed tocapture the infinite.

But it opened my mind a bit TOOmuch. I was cracked open, and, by doingso, the demons that had been hiding,lurking in dungeons, locked away for toolong, were set loose in the corridors of mymind. I spent the next six hours in ourhotel room, dying, being reborn, passingout to fall slam! to the floor, livingthrough multiple realities, coming back,

Art, Being, and Self-DiscoveryMichael Brown

S


still in the hotel room, going nuts with thedemons of my mind. I always droppedback inside, back to breathing, back tofocusing on the path.

Afterwards, while room service didn’thave too difficult of a time cleaning up theroom, it took me a while to pick up thepieces of my mind. While some might findsuch an experience frightening enough tonever touch psychedelics again, this iswhere I find psychedelics to be the mostuse and where they inform my creativeprocess the most. There are many peoplewho decide that, since some demon rearedits head, or they saw some ugly part ofthemselves they would rather forgetabout, then the ‘fun’ isn’t there, and,therefore, the drug is not a good thing totake. Or, they say, “I had a bad trip once…”or “It was too much once.” I bet it was. Ittakes some time to really lift the veil, and,if we don’t go in with the right intentions,it is liable to happen against our will. Afterall, it is our will holding down the veil tobegin with. Many times, people dive intopsychedelics because they promisediversion.

e could go all over the place out there in the world, and completely

deny that any of it has to do with us. Butwhen it comes to our own minds, there isno denying what lies there. That inabilityto disassociate from the actual stuffmaking up our identities is where it getsscary for some people. In reality, this iswhen the medicine is finally working.

Psychedelics are a tool to help unlockdoorways that seem otherwise obscured oreven hidden. Once opened it takes astrong will to work with what is uncov-ered. When we come back here, to thisnow, we cannot always assume that thework we did while high is complete. Wewill uncover a demon perhaps that haslurked there since before we were evenborn. Or we may uncover vast untoldtreasures of bliss. One way or another,it is up to us to integrate these newfoundconcepts into our lives.

Here is where my work as an artist ismost relevant to my spiritual path. Thecreative process helps me to explore myself, my visions, my personal experiencesand my relationship to the divine. I don’tmake artwork as a recreation of somehallucination. And I don’t takepsychedelics merely to have a vision whilein an altered state. Rather, psychedelics aretools to help with the uncovering of thelayers of the self and their relationships tothe rest of the world. Art is a way to bothcontinue exploring those layers andrelationships and to seek out new ones.

Still, though, there is a third compo-nent that, without it, the other two of artand psychedelics are like a map and acompass without any North or South polesto align themselves to. That third tool ismeditation. In meditation, we set inten-tions, we dig up our dirt, we explorerelationships of thoughts and emotionsand reactions, we pay attention to our-selves and our relationship to the world atlarge. Painting and psychedelics are a partof the same path for me, but both areuseless as forms of self-discovery withoutthe simple practice of meditation. Medita-tion is how we learn to relate to ourselvesat a very simple level.

If we just take our body, plop it downon a pillow, sit for a while, all sorts ofthings come up in our minds. Now, if wewere to do that for two, three, four days —suddenly we have some food for thought.Suddenly, it won’t quiet down. And whocan keep a straight face then?

So we learn how to breathe. How tosit. How to walk or stand still. Throughyoga we learn how to hold ourselves, howto sit, how to stand. Through meditationwe learn how to navigate our minds.Then, once in a while, it’s good to rockthe boat a little, see what is hiding inthere, and remind ourselves why we dowhat we do.

This process of learning how to be ahuman being: that is the process of self-discovery. •

Once opened

it takes

a strong will

to work with

what is

uncovered.

w


Almost three years ago I had the opportunityto live with a spiritual teacher who was gifted in workingwith the sacred medicines–everything from LSD tomushrooms to MDMA to ayahuasca. At a particularpoint in my spiritual work with her, she suggested that itwas time for me to experience MDMA as a way ofopening myself ever more deeply to my own heart.

In my life to that point I hadhad little experience withanything other than marijuana,aside from one divine experiencewith mushrooms. I was nervous,yet could feel at 47 years of ageafter decades of dedication to myown awakening process, theappropriateness of the timingand my own readiness.

When the day came, we sattogether within the sacred spaceshe had set for my experience. Itook the little white pill and satback to see what would happen.I was nervous, nervous, nervous.

My teacher could tell when the medicine was justbeginning to come on and suggested I lay back, covermy eyes with a blindfold and try to relax into what wasabout to happen. As I lay back and just tried to breathe, Isuddenly felt the medicine kick in. I experienced myselfimmediately moving fluidly out of my body and into astate of pure love, bliss, and joy like I had never beforeexperienced. It was not that I was feeling emotionalstates; this state of being was pure love, bliss, and joy.All of my doubts and questions about my worthinessdisintegrated in an instant that lasted for hours. I simplymelted into this “Is-ness” that was me, everything, andnothing all at the same time. For the first time, Onenessbecame more than just a concept and a dream and avague knowing. I was it; and yet there was no “I.” Self-perception, yes, but in the context of “The All Which Is.”

Needless to say, I was profoundly changed by thisexperience. I went on to have many other experienceswith my teacher and many other medicines as I steadily,

GratitudeTrinity Heartsong

profoundly, and intensely awoke to more levels. It soonbecame clear that I was diving into the most profoundpart of my own ongoing journey toward Wholeness. Inever saw this coming. Never. And yet, when I went intoeach and every experience with medicine, it always hada bit of a familiar flavor to it for me. It was as if I hadbeen doing this my whole life and had simply forgotten

who and what I was. It was likewaking from a deep, long sleepthrough which I had beendreaming a dream of suchhardship, pain, and suffering.

These experiences havechanged how I experienceeverything: myself, “others,” whatwe call “reality,” and what ispossible for us to awaken to,experience and know. My path ofservice has radically changed overthese years. I now commit myselfand my “life” to my own contin-ued and limitless awakening, and,

through the embodiment of these experiences, tosupporting those who find their way to me in midst oftheir own unique and beautiful process.

I will always hold such deep gratitude for myteacher, who had the wisdom to know when the timewas right. Also, for the medicines, who are so dedicatedto helping human beings re-connect to their humanbeingness again. Finally, to myself, who found thecourage to say “yes” and the will to stay the path nomatter how frightening, arduous, or challenging I mayhave made it for myself.

Thank you for the opportunity to write just a smallbit of what has transpired for me over these years. I havenot written any of this down as of yet. This feels like awonderful place to have started.

Thank you also for the immensely important workyou do to bring the awareness, acceptance, and trueknowledge of these medicines and all that they arecapable of offering, to the world at large. It is valuablebeyond measure. •

It was like waking from

a deep, long sleep

through which I had

been dreaming a dream

of such hardship, pain,

and suffering.


I took out my few remaining psilocy-bin-containing mushrooms and ponderedthem. Though it may seem counter-intuitive, I soon came to understand thatthe clearest way to ask that question andreceive an answer was to ingest them. Ihave always found it beneficial to go intoany psychedelic experience with a focusedquestion on the mind. While I neverreceive an answer in clear plain English,in the days following the experience Icome to understand how the experienceheld relevance to the question in mymind. Sometimes I forget the questiononce the trip takes hold, but then the nextmorning I realize that the hours spentcontemplating a penny did indeed showme how to understand and come to termswith the dualities of our human existence,for example.

For all that I had asked these sub-stances in the past–and I am indeed awell-traveled psychonaut–it had neveroccurred to me before to ask them ofthemselves. But now, in my darkestmoment, it was all that I could think toask. I set a kettle to boil and arranged myapartment for the trip with low lights and

Why Do I Take Psychedelics?

calming music. I sat and cleared my mindof all but the question at hand. The kettlewhistled and I brewed the mushroomsinto a tea, sipping it slowly.

The question slipped slowly out of mymind as the sensory aspects of the experi-ence became gradually overwhelming. Islowed my breath to calm my quickeningheartbeat and tried not to let myselfbecome too distracted by the visual flurriesthat began to permeate the physical worldaround me. I grew heavier, and, com-pletely overwhelmed, sank to the floor. I

I have always found it

beneficial to go into any

psychedelic experience

with a focused question

on the mind.

Daniel Elder

A few months ago, I had a moment of terrifying doubt thatwas in turn part of a turbulent sequence in my life. Every momentfound me asking myself that most eternal question, “Who am I?”For so long, I had used psychedelics as a guiding tool, a way of de-fragmenting my overloaded mental hard drive in order to gain aclarity of perspective on myself in the larger scheme of things. Butnow, disconnected from my love who was halfway across theworld on her own adventure, and from my father who had sup-ported me for so long, in a moment when guidance was my great-est need, I began to doubt whether anything could help me, evenpsychedelics. I thought of them often, and I began to ask myself,“Why do I take psychedelics at all?”


lay there, staring at the ceiling for aneternity, feeling a gentle yet pressingurgency grow. I knew I had to close myeyes, and did.

I had asked the mushrooms why Iever took them. In the confusion sur-rounding that question, I hadn’t stoppedto consider that it was the mushroomswho would take me.

With eyes closed, I set out upon ajourney. From a first-person perspective, Izoomed throughout my own body. Therewere the insides of my hands, there wasmy thumping heart. There, my stomach,churning. There, my lungs, rhythmic. Andthere, the base of my spine, like the foot ofsome great Incan temple.I began to ascend.

I climbed the steps of my spine, andon either side I saw my life. The faces ofmy family encouraged me, as did friendsboth current and long lost. Work, love,longing, despair, every emotion I experi-enced and every facet of my life expresseditself in the manifestation of shapes andcolors. The staircase shook as I climbedhigher and higher, and bursting fireworksof color exploded up beyond the peak likesome chemical volcano. At the center ofthese explosions, some glowing thing wasspinning gyroscopically. The object grewuntil finally I was before it and it was as ifI had fallen to my knees on themountaintop. There at last.

Upon lifting my eyes I saw that theglowing object was a molecule. It did notmatter which one it was. It was not anymolecule; it was every molecule. I watchedit for what felt like a lifetime, rotating andglowing, and felt as if I was looking uponthe face of the godhead. I rose, and turnedto let my eyes follow the tendrils I sawrunning away from it. They ran like a weband bonded to all the things I had passedon my journey to this altar inside mymind. Ropes of energy connected all theaspects of my life, each to the molecule,and each to one another, and I saw thatone of them ran directly to me as well.

I had been so alone, so lost, when Iembarked on the journey. And yet herewas the answer to my lonely question.

The experience reminded me that allthings are connected, and that sometimesloneliness and despair can be a sort ofhubris. To think one is alone, at any point,is an affront to the interconnected natureof all things. It was humbling and gratify-ing to see and understand that the smallestof things, this psilocybin molecule ingestedinto my body, could reveal to me theconnections that were always there butthat I had somehow forgotten.

When I finally opened my eyes, Icould not for the life of me remember whatloneliness felt like. The world around me,which I had felt so withdrawn from,seemed now to be connected to every fiberof my being. My sleep that night wasamong the most peaceful that I have everknown.

Yet, it has taken time for me to learnthe true lesson imparted to me by thisexperience. It has been eight months sincethat night. In that time, I have become avoracious reader of drug- and drug policy-related literature. I am coming to under-stand that, as Terence McKenna once said,

“The mind rests upon a foundation ofchemical machinery. This is not to say thatthe mind is chemical machinery.”

I find myself feeling more stronglynow about the need for drug law andpolicy reform than I have ever felt a drivefor before. It has become my life’s passionto work toward educating society at largeabout the safe and responsible manner inwhich psychedelics can be ingested to gaininsight into ourselves and our relationshipwith the world around us, and about thedifference between drug use and drugabuse. My experiences have taught me thatpsychedelics can be important tools, andthat–like any tools–your intentions affectthe outcome of your using them. I can onlyhope and strive toward my goal: that in mylifetime, I will see the stigma against thesesubstances torn down so that people maygain both medicinal and spiritual benefitsfrom these powerful molecules that havebeen unfairly demonized for so long.

Why do I take psychedelics? It turnedout that the answer is in the question, andI will never cease to ask it. •

My experiences have

taught me that

psychedelics can be

important tools,

and that–

like any tools–

your intentions

affect the outcome

of your using

them.


The Influence of Psychedelics on my Personal Development

Psychedelics

reveal to me,

like applying

heat to invisible ink,

the strands

that connect

all the matter

and ideas in

the universe.

2) Everything is connected.Psychedelics reveal to me, like applyingheat to invisible ink, the strands thatconnect all the matter and ideas in theuniverse. The patterns of connection arebeautiful and fascinating. I believe there isvaluable carryover in terms of lateralthinking ability in my normal life.

3) Music is fantastic. Related to bothpleasure and connectedness, psychedelicshighlight patterns in music, impart to menew appreciation of and openness to avariety of musical types, which has mademe a better musician.

4) Nothing matters. The whole ball ofwax - the societal facades that try to keepus behaved, the structures our own egoshave made to make ourselves important -none of it matters, none of it meansanything, there is no god, everything isridiculous.

5) Opposites are often both true. Yes,everything is connected, but we are alsoall alone, just a solitary consciousness herein the command center trying to makesense of chunks of sensory input that havebeen hurled over the wall. Yes, nothing

Aaron Long

Like many people, I first tookpsychedelics in college when my life wasalready very much in flux and exposed tomyriad influences. I began (and finished)college as a writing major, so it wasn’t as ifI was majoring in warmongering, tookLSD, saw the light, and switched to thehumanities. And this is the thing: I havenever had one of those watershed mo-ments where a major life shift was spurredby psychedelics. Yet I would put thepsychedelic experience right near the topof the list of the most important thingsever to happen to me. I pondered on thisand decided that it would be instructive tofocus on the commonalities of my psyche-delic experiences:

1) Pleasure. I find psychedelicsintensely pleasurable and fun. This aspectof psychedelics often seems to be theelephant in the corner in this publication,understandable given that MAPS wants tobe taken seriously in its quest for thelegalization of psychedelics for medicaluse, though perhaps this circumspection istaken too far. I posit that fun is an under-rated medicant.

While at first blush it seems obvious to me that psychedelics

have been important to my personal development, the firm

believer in the scientific method that I am hesitates. Can I

really ascribe changes to certain aspects of my personality to

the influence of psychedelics? Experiences, aging, family,

friends, lovers, books, music, and pure chance also all seem

like strong causal candidates. Had I never had a psychedelic

experience would I be very different? Would I be more conser-

vative, more narrow-minded? Would I be less kind? Would I

have a different job? Would I be married and have children?

Would I find long, meandering guitar solos disagreeable?


I find psychedelics

intensely pleasurable

and fun.

This aspect

of psychedelics

often seems

to be the elephant

in the corner

in this publication...

matters, but also every-thing matters becauseeverything is connectedand thus we are all a partof everything, so reallythere is just one thing-everything-ergo, you andeveryone and everythingelse are god.

Those are the things Icommonly experiencewhile tripping. What do Ibring back with me fromthe other side of the doorto everyday life? Whathave I brought back thathas influenced mypersonal development?

I think I can sum it up like so:winning stopped mattering very much. Iwas born with a very competitive nature. Iplayed all sorts of sports and games, Iloved to argue, I loved to stand out in class.All of it mattered a lot: I hated to lose. Ibelieve psychedelics have softened myedge. Psychedelics revealed via the“nothing matters” factor that things likewinning and losing, winner and loser, aremostly counter-productive societalconstructs (based on innate Darwinianinstincts) that lead us to compete selfishlyfor resources rather than to share them forthe common good. I still love sports andgames, but now the love is for the playing.I still like a good argument, but have cometo believe that the happiest interpersonalrelationships result from achievingconsensus rather than proving that youare righter than everyone else. I still like toperform well in my endeavors, but I cutmyself some slack.

I must acknowledge that theargument could also be made thatpsychedelics have hurt my competitiveedge, which possibly has had negativerepercussions in matters of career andmating. Maybe so, but I think I am akinder, happier, better-balanced indi-vidual than I used to be, which I thinktallies as a win.•


AS I DROVE MY CAR

from Connecticut to Cali-

fornia, the radio played “When you go to San Francisco,

be sure to wear some flowers in your hair.” It was fun to

imagine that I was making this countercultural trek to the

Mecca of hippiedom, but flowers weren’t for me. I was on

my way to start a doctoral program in Educational Admin-

istration at Stanford and pick up an MBA on the side. The

neonate field of computer-assisted instruction caught my

mind’s eye, and I thought that after finishing these degrees

I’d work for General Electric, Westinghouse, or another

company developing this new kind of teaching machine.

Summer 1967

Thomas B. Roberts, PhD

If psychedelics

allowed us

to use our minds

in a different way,

were there other

techniques too,

other ways?

From “Flowers in your Hair”to Ideas in my Mind

From “Flowers in your Hair”to Ideas in my Mind


In the course “OrganizationalBehavior” in the School of Business, wehad a case study of Ashtok Rajguru, abright, hard-working Indian who cameto America but whose work deterio-rated. Using Maslow’s needs hierarchy,we interpreted his problems to the lackof the emotional support he had beenembedded in while living in India. Ihad another paper due in educationaladministration and found Maslow’sideas useful there too. Then anotherMaslow paper, and another. I decided towrite my dissertation showing how thisset of ideas could be used in education.Psychedelics were in the air around theBay Area, but still not for me.

Someone told me that there was a professor,Willis Harman, in an oddly named department, Engineer-ing Economic Systems, who was studying Maslow’s needshierarchy, and he taught a Graduate Special course “TheHuman Potential.” I put myself on the waiting list, andafter several quarters passed, I finally enrolled. Theseminar course considered meditation and yoga, parapsy-chology, and states of consciousness, among other things–all very “fringy” then.

One week a graduate student couple describedtheir first LSD experience the previous weekend. Clearly,words couldn’t do it justice, and much to my surprise they

thing. Intimations of what? As anintuitive thinker, I like to make senseof things, see their implications, andconnect the dots. Wonderful as thissight was, this was more than a feastfor eyeballs. But what was it, and whatwere its implications? Other sessions,other days, and in other places raisedmore questions. How could I remem-ber things so forgotten from my past?What did those feelings of portentous-ness and sacredness mean? Ifpsychedelics allowed us to use ourminds in a different way, were thereother techniques too, other ways?How does one even go about thinkingabout these things? What idea-quests

lay hidden in these experiences? And the idea that hasmost occupied my life: how can these benefit humanity,particularly Western culture?June 1972.

By one of those lucky, life-directing cosmic coinci-dences, I was in Bifrost, Iceland, attending a conferenceon psychobiology and transpersonal psychology. Theconference organizer was Icelandic, and it was a naturalmeeting ground for Europeans and North Americans. Ihad no idea who these people were. Joseph Campbellenthralled us with a slide lecture going up the Hinduchakras and down the Tibetan Buddhist chakras. Heexplained that this was not just a collection of religiousideas and iconography, but a map of the human mind,experiences that went far beyond our ordinary conscious-ness. Huston Smith talked about the mystical traditions ofworld religions and how LSD, peyote, and mescalinemight sometimes be used to experience mystical oneness.It wasn’t the experience itself that mattered most, he said,but what one understood and how one lived one’s lifeafterwards.

Finally,

here were

sets of ideas

I could use

on my

idea quest.

to Events in my Careereven seemed rational, not like the vampire-toothed, bug-eyed picture of slovenly drug fiends that the media andgovernments were pushing. Most of my classmatesnodded their heads understandingly and talked aboutmeaningfulness, sacredness, plastic perceptions, andmoments of insight. How could a group of highly selected,hard working, bright graduate students from departmentsacross Stanford have taken mind rotting drugs and still befunctional, even approving of others doing so? This didn’tfit in with what I had been taught about drugs.

Later that quarter, one of my classmates had a ticket tohear Alan Watts (whoever that was) speak. He couldn’tuse the ticket and gave it to me, so I went. Here was anerudite, idea-stretching, articulate, charming priest-scholar comparing Eastern and Western religions andtelling how psychedelics gave depth to one’s understand-ing of spiritual development, including, of all things,mystical experiences. Another hearty swig of cognitivedissonance.February 1970.

The rolling clouds in the sky and their reflectionsmirrored in Lake Tahoe fascinated me, not so much forwhat I was perceiving but because they intimated some-

Stanislav Grof described his work originally inCzechoslovakia and Baltimore, and outlined his new mapof the human mind. From music therapy, through bodywork, and analytic therapy, therapists described theirwork with alcoholics, neurotics, and other categories ofpatients. Other speakers told how they used meditation,yoga, dreams, and other disciplines.

Finally, here were sets of ideas I could use on myidea quest. There were many other ways to use our minds,and for me psychedelics opened a door to them. When Ireturned that summer to Northern Illinois University, Iadded a section on transpersonal psychology to mymaster’s-level educational psychology course, and a coupleyears later transpersonal educational psychology com-

to Planting Cultural Seeds


prised one quarter of my anthology Four PsychologiesApplied to Education.Summer 1981.

After following up on the Iceland-inspired readings,conscientiously reading the Journal of TranspersonalPsychology and Brain-Mind Bulletin, taking a sabbatical tovisit the California Institute of Transpersonal Psychology,taking a course at the Institute for Asian Studies, doing amonth-long seminar with Stan Grof at Esalen and devour-ing his writings, especially Realms of the Human Uncon-scious, I decided to take the plunge. Inthe summer of 1981, I offered a specialtopics course, “Psychedelic Research.”

Northern Illinois University is notnoted for being a hotbed of educationalinnovation, but after a bit of academicfolderol, they let me teach it. Soon afterI posted notices of the course onbulletin boards, my Assistant Depart-mental Chair received a call from theAssistant Provost inquiring whetherthis was an appropriate topic for auniversity course. Luckily, the paper-back edition of Grinspoon and Bakalar’sPsychedelic Drugs Reconsidered with its40-page annotated bibliography hadjust been published. I photocopied thebibliography and sent it along with anote to the Assistant Provost sayingthat I didn’t see censorship as part of hisjob description and that I thought thecontent of courses was a departmental decision. If hewanted to discuss this, I offered, I thought we should do soat a full and open meeting of the University Council. Hereplied, via my assistant chair, that his inquiry was merelyin response to a question someone else had asked.

“Psychedelic Research” has gone through severalname changes, always taught as a special topics course,until 2006 when it was approved as the first catalog-listedpsychedelics course in an American college or university. Ihad hoped that “Psychedelic Mindview” (an interimname) would break the ice and encourage professorselsewhere to offer similar courses, but so far no luck. As“Foundations of Psychedelic Studies,” I teach it in ourHonors Program once a year. Maybe now that it’s estab-lished as a regular course at NIU, this seed idea will bearfruit at other universities.

Summer 1993.

I wrote a draft of a paper on psychedelics and religionand sent it to Shasha Shulgin. He put Bob Jesse and me incontact, and in 1995 the Council on Spiritual Practicesand the Chicago Theological Seminary co-sponsored theconference “Psychoactive Sacraments.” I hope religiousstudies programs will offer psychedelic courses too, andsociety may be undergoing a long transition into experi-ence-based religion rather than text-based religion. If so,churches and/or religious orders will do well and do good

by figuring out how to incorporatepsychedelics.March 2006.

Psychedelic-inspired questionsmorphed into broader mindbodyquestions, ones that look at manymindbody psychotechnologies besidespsychedelics. The how-humanity-can-benefit question grew with it andbecame a theme idea in my bookPsychedelic Horizons.Summer 2007.

I don’t see psychedelics’ bestlocation as part of an underground,subculture, or counterculture. How canthey enrich dominant cultures andimprove institutions? Besides educa-tion and religion, how might societybenefit from psychedelics most effi-ciently and effectively? Other drugs(medicines) are expeditiously devel-

oped by corporations, and we recognize this establishedpath of medical advance. Could psychedelics be adoptedinto mainstream culture this way too? I think so.

In medicine and psychotherapy, responsible scientificwork is starting again, and in the two volume anthologyPsychedelic Medicine, Michael Winkelman and I collectedchapters ranging from cluster headaches and PTSD toaddictions, psychotherapy, and–most intriguing of all–cases of healing that seem impossible.March 2008.

To encourage more movement along these and otherpsychedelic lines, next March I’ll be chairing a “RisingResearchers” session World Psychedelic Forum 2008.

I could write on about how psychedelics helped meappreciate additional arts and ideas, but for now it’senough to be grateful to psychedelics for giving me a lifethat integrates experience with ideas, personal meaning-fulness with professional direction. •

I don’t see

psychedelics’

best location

as part of an

underground,

subculture,

or counterculture.


An Interview with Ann Shulginon Psychedelics and Self-Discovery

Sarah: Can you discuss the influenceof psychedelics on your own personalgrowth? Are there specific psychedelicsthat you consider particularly helpful toolsfor self-discovery?

Ann: Every single human body hasa different chemistry.So, just because aparticular drug orvisionary plant is myfavorite, or has taughtme a great deal, doesn’tmean it’s going to be sofor anyone else.

In one recent case,I said often, too often,that something called2CB Fly was absolutelygreat for me. To me, it’sthe loveliest thing,especially for eroticism.But I found out that it’snot interesting toanybody else. I realizedthat having said that, Iwas putting things inmotion. The Internetwas full of 2CB Fly, andpeople were askingabout it and I thought“uh-oh.” It turned outthat it’s a disappoint-ment to most otherpeople. So if I say whatmy favorite psychedelicsare, it’s almost meaning-less for other people,because they have tofind their allies verycarefully.

For example, 2CB, I think, is one ofSasha’s really great inventions, and I thinkthat 2CB is a pretty good friend to mostpeople. But you come to something likeayahuasca–a close relative of mine feelsthat it’s the greatest teacher that she’s evercome across in the psychedelic world–andI can’t take it. Sasha and I had two inter-esting experiences with ayahuasca. Wewent to a special place where the cer-

emony was conducted by very dear friendsof ours, and it was a lovely experience.Sasha has totally different kinds ofexperiences than I do, but both of us feltthat it was not going to be a dominantthing in our lives, although it was pleasant

and we had enjoyed it.So we were quite readyto try it again sixmonths later. We wentto the same place withthe same people, andwe took a very smallamount. We werebeing very cautious,because we usually are.I spent the entire timeholding onto my seat,hoping that I wasgoing to survive,because I was beingrun over by a train.There was no way tolearn anything, excepthow to stay alive.Sasha had a totallydifferent experience,which was just asnegative in its ownway. He did a lot ofvomiting, while I didnone at all. Toward theend of my train ride, avoice in my head said,“Don’t come hereagain.”

I thought, “Uh-oh,well I’m not liable to,actually.”

But then the nextday, when everyone was having thesecond session, we decided we wouldparticipate. But, we decided to take aminiscule amount, just a half or third ofwhat we took the day before, which was apretty minor amount in the first place.The train started coming at me again, andthe whole thing repeated for both of us,except it didn’t last quite as long. And thevoice came back, and it said, “Didn’t you

Editor’s Note:

This past summer, theSybil Society and MAPSco-sponsored the Women’sVisionary Congress, a uniquegathering of women workingto implement realisticalternatives to drugprohibition and to re-definesociety’s understanding ofpsychedelics. Prior to theCongress, several interviewswere conducted with elderstateswomen unable toattend in person. Theinterviews were recordedon video and shown at theconference. MAPS stafferand Bulletin co-editor SarahHufford took part in aninterview with Ann Shulgin,a portion of which istranscribed below. Formore information aboutthe Women’s VisionaryCongress, including audioand video of conferencepresentations, seevisionarycongress.org.

They teach you

that you’re much saner

than you thought, and

that you probably are

much stronger,

mentally, than

you suspected...


hear me the first time?”At which point I said, “Okay, alright!”

I’ve never taken it again, and don’t intendto do so. Ayahuasca is one of the best alliesof a lot of people I know, but it’s not ours.

Marijuana is the same thing. It wouldbe great to be able to enjoy marijuana,because you could take it everyday, and weknow a lot of people who do. Also, I don’tlike alcohol at all, so there’s nothing I cantake every evening if I feel like it. Butmarijuana is also something that neither ofus can enjoy. Sasha feels that it’s a waste oftime because he doesn’t learn anything. Ifinally found out from my daughter, what Ihad not understood, which was that noteverybody has my marijuana experience.What happens to me is that I have a full-blown psychedelic experience, only withparanoia. And that’s not much fun. So allI’m learning is, number one, how to get outas soon as possible, and, number two, notto take it again. Yet, marijuana is thefavorite plant or drug of a tremendousnumber of people.

So, it comes down to experimenting,carefully, on yourself. Please always have ababysitter, no matter how experienced youare-always. I won’t go into the things thatcan happen to hard-headed people withgreat experience who think that they cando it all by themselves and run intotrouble. Always have a babysitter who isfamiliar with the territory, and who cancome in and hold your hand, or say theright thing. I think that psychedelics are

great spiritual tools, but like a lot ofspiritual experiences, they can take you tovery, very dark places, and you can spendquite a lot of time wondering if you’regoing to get through some of theseexperiences. So, be careful and be veryrespectful of your mental, emotional, andphysical health. Take care of your body,and don’t take a powerful drug or plant ifyou’re not well.

As for the effect of psychedelics on mylife, I couldn’t begin to tell you, because Ihave no idea what my life would be likewithout them. Since I had major spiritualexperiences starting when I was an infant,I assume I would have found my way tosome sort of spiritual searching or explo-ration without their assistance.

Psychedelics teach you about time.They teach you about the different levelsof reality that aren’t available to yourconscious mind most of the time. Theyteach you that you’re much saner thanyou thought, and that you probably aremuch stronger, mentally, than yoususpected, and that you are capable ofquite extraordinary things. I think thatpsychedelics are wonderful. But they arealso not for everyone. Not everyone findsthem an ally, and keeping that in mindthose people should study hypnotism andlearn the trance state, which opens thesame doors. No human being is limited toone means of self-discovery. Usepsychedelics only if you are quite sure thatthey are your path.•

Use psychedelics

only if you are

quite sure

that they are

your path.


E-ticket to Dharmaland

long out-dated Sunday school myth, Ifinally opened up to my own numinousexperience. To paraphrase the great RudolfOtto, the “Numinous” can be described as adistinctive experience of God, ineffableand transcendent, the primary source ofbeauty and love. Feelings of awe, fascina-tion and elements of overpowering-ness,urgency, and that which is “Wholly Other”are present in the psychedelic experience.

Fate would have it that I quickly metmore folks in the underground thatenjoyed entheogenic compounds. I beganexperimenting and researching. Soon I wasoff to my first psychedelic conference,ironically held on the conservativeChristian campus of Chapman University.It was there I met several mentors andfriends that would pop up again and againin my life, among them the late TerenceMcKenna, who dubbed me “TheShamanatrix.” Before leaving, I picked up apublication called Psychedelic Illuminations.In it, I found an article written by RickDoblin, talking about his experience as asubject in a psychedelic study. In the sameissue, I found an ad seeking subjects for anupcoming MDMA study at UCLA, spon-sored by MAPS and headed by CharlesGrob, MD. Inspired by Doblin, I myselfbecame a subject in the study.

Ingesting MDMA

was a gift that

put me on the

neon yellow brick road

to self-discovery

and renewed

my lost lease

on spirituality.

We struck up a conversation andsomehow landed on the topic of MDMA.I expressed my interest and my fears. I’dheard about Ecstasy in college, but NancyReagan and McGruff the Crime Dog, aswell my staunch Republican, right-wing,evangelical Methodist local magistrate of afather all conditioned me to “Just Say NO!”I was 23 and I hadn’t ever even smokedweed. I barely dropped Tylenol when Ihad a headache! However, as he describedhis experiences with the substance, I wasintrigued.

“And the best place to do it,” he said,slyly smiling, “Disneyland.”

We exchanged numbers and contin-ued to converse and hang out over thenext couple of days and soon set a date togo to the happiest place on earth and gethappier.

That day in Disneyland was a much-needed reminder that there was an unseenworld around me. I felt a oneness with notonly the crowds of people waiting in lineat Space Mountain but with the universe-at-large. Ingesting MDMA was a gift thatput me on the neon yellow brick road toself-discovery and renewed my lost leaseon spirituality.

Rather than hoping to find throughfaith a belief in someone else’s story in a

I was living–if you can call it living–in Los Angeles at the cornerof atheism and agnosticism. It was the end of 1990. I had justmoved to the “left coast” from a tiny hamlet in Lancaster County,Pennsylvania, a rural area filled with Amish people, horses andbuggies, and lots of mullet hair and ill-cut acid wash jeans. As youcould imagine, I had to get out. I found myself sitting at a coffeehouse I frequented on La Brea on open-mic night to kill sometime rather than myself. The guy I’d run away with to La-La-landhad just dumped me, but I was getting over both him and thedevastation. I couldn’t help but notice over the bad poetry, theintense eyes of a dark, curly-haired artsy dude who bore some-what of a resemblance to Tim Burton staring back at me. Duringthe intermission, I slid onto the stool next to him at the bar.

Sara Tonin


Soon I saw how the Buddhist andpsychedelic paths share certain common-alities in the expansion of consciousnessin both theory and practice. Both philoso-phies can serve to make one a morecompassionate, sentient being. Practice inBuddhism’s mindfulness, like well-planned and intentioned sessions withpsychedelics, give people the power toovercome habitual behaviors and attach-ments.

The heart-centered serenity feeling Ifirst felt in the dark cave from MDMA(what is sometimes referred to as the“Buddha-drug”) loosens the bondage ofindividual ego and clears the pathway toan unusually high level of honesty,intimacy and communication. Ifpsychedelics do correspond with mysti-cism and esoteric Buddhism, some arguethat the empathogen MDMA could beseen as the bodhisattva’s pharmaceutical.In my own research, I’ve encounteredmany folks that have included the sub-stance in their personal practice of loving-kindness.

I remember an old Tricycle magazineinterview written by Robert Forte I’d readsome time ago, which resurfaced in AlanHunt Badiner’s book, Zig Zag Zen, in whichpsychedelic shaman/researcher/BuddhistJack Kornfield said:

“It is important to say that there is noBuddhist point of view on psychedelics.They are rarely found in the Buddhisttradition, if at all, and generally would belumped in the precepts under ‘intoxi-cants.’”

Kornfield feels officially that there isno common traditional point of viewabout the use of psychedelics in Buddhismitself, as there is very little written aboutthem. Forte reminds Kornfield of a story ofsomeone asking the Dalai Lama if onecould use drugs to attain enlightenment.His Holiness joked, “I sure hope so.” Thebasic training precepts in Buddhism tellthe practitioner not to kill, steal, lie orengage in sexual misconduct, and lastly, torefrain from using intoxicants to the lossof mindfulness or loss of awareness.

But entheogens can help createawareness. Using attorney or teenagerlogic, one could interpret that as “notsaying not to use them.”

Without question, psychedelic usage,like crossing the street, can be dangerous.But I agree with Dr. Charles Tart–notusing them can also be dangerous.Psychedelics alter the senses and canchallenge notions of authoritative control.They promote a worldview from a differ-ent vantage point than so-called “normal”western society. Then again, so doesmysticism. The left-hand path can be fullof disappointment, disassociation, anddelusion. Wacky things happen to eventhe most substance-free meditative mindwhen isolated.

But we humans are wired for suchstates in our neurophysiologic makeup.Dimethyltryptamine (DMT), for example,is a powerful entheogenic substance thatexists naturally in the mammalian brain. Ifis already inside of us, is it really anintoxicant to be avoided?

Regardless of whether it is induced bymeditation or chemicals, what is reallyhappening when we have transcendentalexperiences? From the materialist’sviewpoint, mystical experiences aresimply a result of pathological and delu-sional brain dysfunction. Recent evidence,however, supports the hypothesis that thehuman brain’s temporal lobe plays a keyrole in producing mystical states ofconsciousness. Dr. Rick Strassman pointsout that certain brain centers and neuraltransmitters are mobilized in altered statesof consciousness and spiritual awareness,regardless of whether they are induced bythe ingestion of substances or by a controlof will.

Fast forward through my own longstrange trip and I currently find myself nota casualty of a drug war, but an adventurecapitalist: a responsible co-head of afamily, a business owner and founder of anon-profit organization. The psychedelicpath led me to my current status as a gradstudent getting my masters in Conscious-ness Studies, wherein I look less for God,but find G.O.D., the works of a GrandOrganizing Designer. I can now access myinner pharmacy through mindfulness,meditation and yoga. I had to lose myspirituality to find it. When I moved West,my heart and mind migrated East. Like Ifelt in the cave, it’s a small world after all. •

Without question,

psychedelic usage,

like crossing the street,

can be dangerous.

But I agree with

Dr. Charles Tart–

not using them

can also be

dangerous.


Rick Doblin, MAPS founder andPresident, earned his Ph.D. in PublicPolicy from the Kennedy School ofGovernment at Harvard University.Doblin was also in Stan and ChristinaGrof’s first training group to receivecertification as a Holotropic Breath-work practitioner.

Valerie Mojeiko, Director ofOperations and Clinical ResearchAssociate, coordinates projects atMAPS’ Love Creek office and facilitatespsychedelic research around the globe.She is currently a student at theCalifornia Institute of Integral Studies.

Josh Sonstroem, TechnologySpecialist and Events Coordinator,earned his B.A. in Philosophy andReligion from New College ofFlorida and is a chef, musician,poet, technologist, and masseuse.He immensely enjoys the depthsof existential experience.

Jag Davies, Director ofCommunications, has been workingat MAPS since 2003, where hecoordinates outreach projects,research advocacy, and educationalmaterials, including the MAPSBulletin, monthly email news, andwebsite content.

Sarah Hufford, Membership andSales Manager, joined the MAPSstaff in the Fall of 2005, after receivingher bachelor’s degree in psychologyfrom New College of Florida. Shevalues psychedelics and marijuanaas powerful medicines, and hopesto help integrate their safe andconscientious use into our society.

Troy Dayton has worked in thedrug policy reform movement forover 12 years. He is committed toremoving coercion from societyand views the Drug War as the mostinsidious example of governmentforce. Troy’s mission is to helppeople who agree with drug policyreform find their individual capacityto make a difference.

Rick

Valerie

Josh

MAPS IS A MEMBERSHIP-BASED ORGANIZATION

working to assist researchers worldwide to design, fund,

conduct, obtain governmental approval for, and report on

psychedelic research in humans. Founded in 1986, MAPS

is an IRS approved 501 (c)(3) non-profit corporation funded

by tax-deductible donations from members.

“Most of the things worth doing in the world

had been declared impossible

before they were done.”

– Louis D. Brandeis

If you can even faintly imagine a cultural reintegra-tion of the use of psychedelics and the states of mind theyengender, please join MAPS in supporting the expansionof scientific knowledge in this area. Progress is possiblewith the support of those who care enough to takeindividual and collective action.

THE MAPS BULLETINEach Bulletin reports on MAPS research in progress.

In addition to reporting on research both in the UnitedStates and abroad, the Bulletin may include featurearticles, reports on conferences, book reviews, HeffterResearch Institute updates, and the Hofmann Report.Issues raised in letters, calls, and e-mail from MAPSmembers may also be addressed, as may political develop-ments that affect psychedelic research and use.

Jag

MAPS: Who We Are

©2007 Multidisciplinary Associationfor Psychedelic Studies, Inc. (MAPS)

10424 Love Creek Road,Ben Lomond, CA 95005Phone: 831-336-4325

Fax: 831-336-3665E-mail: [email protected]

Web: www.maps.org

Sarah

Troy


YES, I would like to join MAPS and receive the MAPS Bulletin!

❏ Student/Low-income $20 – $34*

Student/Low Income members will receive the tri-annual MAPS Bulletin.

❏ Basic Member $35 – $49*Basic members will receive the MAPS Bulletin.

❏ Integral Member $50 – $99*Integral members will receive the MAPS Bulletin and their choice of one ofthe books MAPS has published.

❏ Supporting Member $100 – $249*Supporting members will receive the MAPS Bulletin plus their choice ofone of the books MAPS has published.

❏ Patron Member $250 or more*Patron members will receive the MAPS Bulletin plus their choice of two booksMAPS has published. Patrons may also request copies of back issues andresearch updates on matters of personal interest.

* Outside the U.S. please add $15 to cover additional postage.

CARD NUMBER EXPIRATION DATE

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TOTAL $ enclosed. Donations to MAPS are tax-deductible.

❏ Enclosed is my check or money order payable to MAPS

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❏ Please renew my membership automatically each year.

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A L S O A V A I L A B L E F R O M M A P S

MAPS (Multidisciplinary Associationfor Psychedelic Studies, Inc.)10424 Love Creek RoadBen Lomond, CA 95005Phone: 831-336-4325Fax: 831-336-3665E-mail: [email protected] VIA THE WEB!www.maps.org(secure web site transactions)

SHIPPING FOR BOOKS: U.S. and Canada – Priority mail (3–7 days): $6.00, add $2.50 per additional book.Overseas airmail rates (7–10 days): $12.00, add $10.00 per additional book.

The Ultimate Journey:Consciousness and the Mystery of Death by Stanislav Gof, MD, 356 pgs, $19.95

LSD: My Problem Child by Albert Hofmann, PhD, 232 pgs, $12.95

The Secret Chief Revealed: Conversations with a Pioneer of the Underground PsychedelicTherapy Movement by Myron Stolaroff, 176 pgs, $12.95

Ketamine: Dreams and Realities by Karl Jansen, MD, PhD, 355 pgs, $14.95

Drawing It Out: Befriending the Unconscious (A Contemporary Woman’s Psychedelic Journey)by Sherana Harriette Frances, 128 pgs, $19.95

Ecstasy: The Complete Guide Edited by Julie Holland, MD, 281 pgs, $19.95

Shivitti: A Vision by Ka-Tzetnik 135633, 144 pgs, $15.95

Ibogaine: Rite of Passage DVD $20

Higher Wisdom edited by Roger Walsh and Charles Grob, 267 pgs, $24.95

TRIPPING An Anthology of True-Life Psychedelic Adventures, Edited by Charles Hayes, 486 pgs, $22.00

NEW – Signed by Author! Marihuana, The Forbidden Medicineby Lester Grinspoon, MD, and James B. Bakalar, JD, 296 pages, $19.95

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HORIZONSContemporaryPerspectives onPsychedelicsSaturday October 27 2007 1pm-6pmJudson Memorial Church55 Washington Square SouthNew York, New York 10012

Featured Speakers:Kenneth Alper, MDRick Doblin, PhDNeal Goldsmith, MDAlex & Allyson GreyJulie Holland, MDHoward LotsofAllison McKimMichael Mithoefer, MDEthan Nadelmann, PhDAndrew Sewell, MD

Info&Tickets:horizonsnyc.org





Saturday October 27 2007 1pm-6pmJudson Memorial Church55 Washington Square SouthNew York, New York 10012

Saturday October 27 2007 1pm-6pmJudson Memorial Church55 Washington Square SouthNew York, New York 10012

Half the proceeds from the sale of this originalPablo Amaringo painting will benefit MAPS.

Acclaimed Peruvian artist, Pablo Amaringo, isrenowned for his intricate, colorful depictions of hisexperiences from drinking the psychedelic plant brew,ayahuasca.

From Pablo’s desciption of this painting:“…The master and his students are receiving manydivine teachings, feeling physically, emotionally,visually and mentally all the virtues of this sacredplant. This is a picture that takes care of people in

every enterprise/business because it carries beingsthat take care of the world and the universe.”See maps.org/catalog for purchase information andto read the full description in Spanish and English.

A variety of Pablo Amaringo limited edition,archival quality gicleé prints, greeting cards, book-marks, etc are also available, with full proceeds toPablo. Please go to www.yashpal.com/amaringo.htm,email Pablo at [email protected] or call360-356-1008 for more information and ordering.

“Aralim – Los Tronos” Pablo Amaringo, 52cm x 64cm ~ $8,000

Original Pablo Amaringo Painting Offered • Proceeds to Benefit MAPS

Special Edition: Psychedelics & Self-Discovery“Riverine Reverie” ©2007, Mark Henson

VOLUME XVI I NUMBER 2 • AUTUMN 2007

MULTIDISCIPLINARY ASSOCIATION FOR PSYCHEDELIC STUDIESMULTIDISCIPLINARY ASSOCIATION FOR PSYCHEDELIC STUDIESMULTIDISCIPLINARY ASSOCIATION FOR PSYCHEDELIC STUDIESMULTIDISCIPLINARY ASSOCIATION FOR PSYCHEDELIC STUDIES

multidisciplinary association for psychedelic … · she was buried there exactly 100 years ago, in...

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