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MOM CRIMES

INSPIRED BY AN EXCERPT OF AMY POEHLER’S BOOK “YES PLEASE”, ABOUT “WOMEN-ON-WOMEN CRIME” AND DRIVEN BY OUR INSATIABLE CURIOSITY TO STUDY HUMAN BEHAVIOR, WE’VE DECIDED TO

DIG INTO THE SUBJECT OF MODERN-DAY PARENTHOOD.

WE’VE BEEN STUDYING THE SUBJECT THROUGHOUT THE YEAR THROUGH CONTEXTUAL RESEARCH AND CONDUCTED A PANEL DISCUSSION TO BRING SOME OF OUR HYPOTHESES TO LIFE.

WHAT RESULTED WAS A CANDID DISCUSSION ABOUT NEGOTIATING THE ROLE OF ‘MOM’...

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Amy DenbyAuthor  of  “Dear  Babies,  Crazy  

Life,  Simply  Explained”

Elissa SpencerSpecial  Education  Teacher  

at  PS321

Jessica Shevitz RauchFreelance  Writer

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MODERN DAY MOTHERS ARE NAVIGATING A CULTURE OF POLARITY

These  women  observe  a  culture  of  extremes  in  point  of  view  and  behaviors  

around  parenting  today.

It  just  seems  like  there  has  to  be  a  ‘versus’  between  us.Jessica

I  7ind  the  more  polarizing  the  piece  I  pitch  to  editors,  the  more  likely  it  will  get  picked  up.  ‘Why  having  twins  is  easier  than  one’  or  ‘Why  it’s  better  to  have  a  boy  than  a  girl.’

Amy

In  the  digital  age,  there  is  so  much  information  to  process,  that  this  black  and  white  view  seems  to  rise  to  the  surface.  

vs.Helicopter Parent

Attachment Parenting

Stay-at-Home Moms

‘No Rescue’ Parents

Free Range Parents

Working Moms

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THERE ARE POWERFUL EXTERNAL DRIVERS IN THIS CULTURE OF POLARITY

Generations  ago,  women  were  homemakers  like  Donna  Reed.  Then  came  the  working  mother  in  her  white  sneakers;  now,  it’s  nebulous:  you  can  work,  you  can  work  3  days,  you  can  this,  you  can  that...  

there  are  so  many  choices.Jessica

For  better  or  worse,  the  fact  is  that  social  media  provides  direct  access  to  the  lives  of  

other  people  and  the  ability  to  compare  yourself  to  them.

In  a  modern  culture  that  generally  accepts  and  supports  women  who  make  these  various  choices,  there  is  still  a  lot  of  judgment  that  “feels  very  

intense  and  real.”

FREEDOM OF CHOICE ACCESS TO COMPARISON

Our  parents  didn’t  have  as  many  people  to  compare  themselves  to;  they  had  their  neighbors  or  friends.  Now  you  go  online,  and  you  see  Giselle  with  her  perfect  body,  doing  a  headstand  on  the  

beach  next  to  her  2  kids.Amy

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AS WELL AS INTERNAL DRIVERS: THE IDENTITY STRUGGLE PLAYS A BIG ROLE

Your  life  is  changing.  You  de7initely  go  through  a  time  when  your  identity  changes.

Jessica

‘Mom’  is  a  really  intense  title.  It  can  conjure  up  this  image  of  a  Kathy  cartoon,  but  it’s  also  this  enormous  responsibility.

Amy

“I’m  a  stay  at  home  Mom...  but  I  used  to  write  for  Seventeen  magazine!”  Amy

Being  a  mom  is  only  one  part  of  who  women  are,  even  though  it  often  times  feels  like  it  consumes  their  identity.

They’re  introducing  themselves  when  they’re  out  to  dinner  and  Ninding  that  they  have  to  explain  themselves  with  a  qualiNier:-­‐ I  live  in  the  suburbs,  but  I  used  to  live  in  the  city-­‐ I’m  home  with  my  kids,  but  I  used  to  write  for  a  magazine  

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AND THIS SAID, ‘WOMEN-ON-WOMEN CRIME,’ OR‘MOM CRIMES’ ARE OFTEN THE RESULT

‘Mom  crimes’  aren’t  seen  as  malicious  attacks  on  other  moms.  It’s  simply  an  understanding  that  everyone  is  negotiating  their  choices  and  

can’t  stop  comparing...

...And  everyone  has  all  of  these  choices,  but  why  can’t  we  be  okay  with  one  another’s  choices?  I  think  it  goes  back  to  our  own  insecurity.

Jessica

It’s  like  in  high  school.  We  form  these  cliques...  They’re  great  and  supportive,  but  we  also  make  ourselves  easy  targets.

Amy

Mom  crimes  are  also  seen  to  be  less  about  how  someone  feels  about  another  woman’s  choices  and  more  about  a  particular  personal  insecurity  or  the  need  for  validation  of  one’s  own  personal  choices.

JUSTIFYING ONE’S OWN INSECURITIES CAN BECOME A VICIOUS CYCLE

“You work 5 days a week? I don’t know how you do it being away from your kids so much?”

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‘MOMS’ ARE AN EASY TARGETThe  universal  truths  that  surround  the  parenthood  role  make  ‘Mom’  an  easy  target  for  brands.  These  women  feel  that  the  ‘Mom’  label,  when  applied  by  brands,  feels  like  it  is  diminishing  the  other  aspects  of  her  life.  Or  just  generally  “pisses  us  off”.

Moms  need  a  rebrand...  I  should  be  able  to  say  I’m  a  mom  and  for  it  to  be  cool.  You  get  this  title  of  ‘mom’  that’s  all  encompassing:  ‘Moms  Weekend,  Moms  Night  Out,  Moms  Getting  Wild...’  It’s  still  me  -­‐  I’ve  always  liked  to  have  a  glass  of  wine  with  my  

friends.Amy

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AND ‘MOM’ GENERALIZATIONS CAN BE A SELF-FULFILLING PROPHECY

It’s  undeniable  that  becoming  a  mother  is  a  vulnerable  time  and  that  what  a  woman  sees,  what  she  experiences  and  how  she’s  perceived  can  shape  a  woman’s  identity  

and  perception  of  self.

There  is  something  about  being  seen  as  one  way  and  how  it  changes  your  perception  of  yourself.Elissa

As  a  result,  generalizations  can  sometimes  become  something  women  internalize  for  themselves.

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WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR BRANDS

MARKETING TO MOMS?

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DON’T MAKE ‘MOM’ A LABELOn  the  playground,  I’m  7ine  with  being  Josie’s  mom.  That  feels  right.  But  when  a  

brand  calls  me  ‘Mom’  -­‐  Ew...

I  don’t  mind  that  these  products  are  targeting  moms;  it’s  the  insinuation  that  it’s  all  on  you.  And  that’s  dif7icult  to  swallow  as  

women  are  negotiating  their  choices.Elissa

DEAR  BRAND:  “Me  being  a  mom  has  nothing  to  do  with  our  relationship...”Elissa

These  women  feel  like  brands  are  often  speaking  to  the  lowest  common  denominator  when  they’re  targeting  ‘mom.’

While  these  women  talk  about  the  amazing  experience  of  having  children,  the  ‘Mom’  generalization  isn’t  the  persona  to  which  they  aspire.

Putting  her  in  this  box  is  the  exact  thing  she’s  working  to  avoid  as  she  tries  to  maintain  her  identity  and  navigate  the  modern  reality  of  parenthood.

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P.S. I  just  wish  brands  would  show  me  something  my  friends  without  kids  won’t  roll  their  eyes  at...

Elissa

thank you. happy mother’s day.cara@thesoundhq.com

RESOURCES

RESOURCES - Images

COVER https://typicaltracy.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/vintage-laundrytwo.jpg

SLIDE 1 http://www.uft.org/news-stories/special-education-reform-concerns-uft-members

SLIDE 3 http://api.ning.com/files/uJ5YXrME*U-MynPW-z2i*IKJpz6sazgVnC-rN*FZ6Krejunibof-UjWo8dsr35Ebwh4ptkvLQ5ZJdvrAUpYg1bx3lrhzF0L9/woman_reading_newspaper.jpg

SLIDE 4 https://definingwonderland.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/tv-housewives.jpg

SLIDE 4 http://img1.nymag.com/imgs/fashion/daily/2014/11/21/21-working-girl-melanie-griffith.w750.h560.2x.jpg

SLIDE 4 http://www.hypepotamus.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/question-mark-chalk-board-woman-thinking-hplead.jpg

SLIDE 4 http://www.celebritybabyscoop.com/files/2014/03/AG024803_21-960x1351.jpg

SLIDE 4 http://www.celebritybabyscoop.com/files/2012/11/FFN_JolieAngelina_KidsSet1_FF7_031112_8860241-960x1320.jpg

SLIDE 5 http://www.usmagazine.com/uploads/assets/articles/77315-bethany-mota-youtube-my-own-boss/1410370315_seventeen-you-tube-issue-bethany-mota-zoom.jpg

SLIDE 6 http://s57.photobucket.com/user/lizcoolmompicks/media/CMT_13/ScreenShot2013-05-10at73515AM_zpsa637b2d5.png.html

SLIDE 7 http://i.huffpost.com/gen/2474512/images/o-WOMAN-WALKING-ON-A-SIDEWALK-facebook.jpghttp://www.hot1005.com/upload/Jock%20Pages/Corey%20Alt%20Posts/kick-me1-1024x672.jpg

SLIDE 8 http://www.bluntmoms.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/mcx-tina-fey-moments-snl-mom-jeans-xln.jpg

SLIDE 9 http://happybirthdaypage.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/happy-birthday-mom-21.jpg

SLIDE 10 http://sixtyn.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/photodune-216208-angry-and-frustrated-woman-screaming-m.jpg

SLIDE 11 http://s19.postimg.org/5xhrkywwz/mum_and_kid.jpg

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