March 16-31, 20151212

March 16-31, 2015 13News in Pictures

Family members of 18-year-old Ted Albano (2nd from left), a senior at DeMatha High School, smile for the cameras after his solo piano recital held recently in Gaithersburg, MD. Joining him on stage are, from left, cousin Marcelle Pasion, brother Marco, mother Rosanna, brother Lorenzo, Grandma Evelyn, Grandma Sally Rosal (Teds fi rst piano teacher when he was six) and father Ted Albano. Ted also plays drums, ukulele, marimba and fl uba. (Photo by Jon Melegrito)

Photojournalist Kim Komenich opened an exhibition of his works during the 1986 People Power revolt in the Philip-pines. Timed with the 29th anniversary of the People Power in the Philippines, photo shows (left to right) Washington Post editor William Bill Branigin, the San Francisco Chroniles Komenich, Philippine Deputy Chief of Mission Patrick Chuasoto and Amb. John Maisto, President of the US-Philippine Society cutting the ceremonial ribbon during the opening and reception of the exhibit Revolution Revisited. Branigin who was the Washington Posts bureau chief for Southeast Asia and covered the People Power revolt in Manila shared his experiences as a foreign journalist in the Philippines in the 1908s. Maisto was instrumental for helping convince former strongman Ferdi-nand Marcos step down and restore democracy in the Philippines. (Photo by Bing Cardenas Branigin)

Photo shows, from left, National Federation of Filipino American Associa-tion (NaFFAA) Capital Region Chair and Manila Mail editor Bing Cardenas Branigin; KAYAs Katrina Dizon; and Jason Alinea Tengco, Senior Advisor at the White House Initiative on Asian American and Pacifi c Islander at the University of Maryland College Park, Filipino Cultural Associations 5th Biennial Filipino American Studies Program Gala held last February 28.

Fil-Am activists (from left) Marlan Maralit of Center of Community Change, Johanna Puno Hester, Pres-ident of the Asian Pacifi c American Labor Alliance (APALA), and APALA Exec. Director Greg Cendana played leadership roles at the recently-con-cluded AFL-CIO Organizing Insti-tute, which was attended by more 700 labor activists nationwide. (Photo by Jon Melegrito)

Md. gala raises funds for scholarshipsBy Maurese Oteyza Owens

COLLEGE PARK, Md. Fili-pino American students at the University of Maryland College Park (UMCP) held the 5th Bien-nial Filipino American Studies (FAST) Gala here last Feb. 28 and raised funds for two important scholarship programs.

Organized by the Filipino Cultural Association (UMFCA), the events goal was to raise funds for the Philip Vera Cruz Outstanding Community Ser-vice Scholarship and the Major General Antonio Taguba Pro-fi les in Courage and Leadership Scholarship.

Launched in 2009, the schol-arships, said UMFCA president Jonathan Reyes, offers not just fi nancial aid to deserving appli-cants but also offer validation and recognition for going above and beyond, both in and out of the classrooms.

The Philip Vera Cruz Out-standing Community Service Scholarship ($500 per recipient) is named in honor of the Filipino labor leader, farm worker, and leader in the Asian American civil rights movement.

Recipients must be an undergraduate enrolled in Asian American Studies who per-

sonifi es the vital relationship between a college education and the human condition through service to the under-served and under-represented.

The Major General Antonio Taguba Profi les in Courage and

Leadership Scholarship seeks to recognize undergraduates who demonstrate scholarship and leadership and who are consid-ering a future in federal public service, both civilian and mili-tary. ($1,500 award).

More information is avail-able at http://www.aast.umd.edu/scholarships/scholarship-program.

The afternoon event held at Orem Hall in UM College Park, was an uplifting three hours of song, traditional and modern dance, inspiring speakers and

networking opportunities. Sponsors of the event

included the Philippine Ameri-can Foundation for Charities, Asian American Studies Pro-gram and the Department of American Studies.

Keynote speaker Maryland Delegate Kris Valderrama urged the Filipino American students to participate in the political pro-cess by exercising the right to vote and by running for offi ce.

Rita Cacas of The Rita M .Cacas Foundation, Inc., spoke about the need to preserve the history of early Filipino Ameri-cans in the Greater Washington, D.C. area.

Major General Antonio Taguba called on the audience to get involved in the Filipino Veterans Project that aims to

AWO2 Joseph Dandrea (right) demonstrates the electro-optical camera of the P-8A Poseidon to Philippine Lts. Paat and Arquillo during a bilateral patrol mission. US Navys Patrol Squadron 45 operated out of Clark Air Base in support of the 7th Fleet Commanders objectives aimed at strength-ening maritime partnerships in the Pacifi c Region (US Navy photo)

gain national recognition for the Filipino American World War II soldiers for their wartime contri-butions.

Together their messages called upon the students to rec-

ognize and honor our Filipino

American history and contribu-

tions and to continue the journey

with determination and excel-

lence.

US Army Maj. Gen. Antonio M. Taguba (Ret.), at the 5th Biennial Filipino American Studies Gala, sponsored by the University of Maryland-College Park Filipino Cultural Association last February 28. (Photo by Bing Carde-nas Branigin)

March 16-31, 2015 17

The system is not the problem

MANILA.

The opportunists here call-ing for President Benigno Aquino IIIs resignation claim that our system of govern-ment is the problem and they want to change it.

Heres shocking news for these people: Its not the system thats causing all our miseries.

No system of government is perfect, whether its presidential, parliamentary or any combina-tion of these. The authoritarian form that Ferdinand Marcos introduced in 1972 wasnt, and isnt, the right one, either. Or the totalitarian one that enamors the Left.

A system will only work if the people running it are com-petent, guided by the right prin-ciples, and driven by love of country.

Weve existed as an inde-pendent nation for more than a half-century and were still mired in a quicksand of despair, in a rut of economic underdevel-opment, in a malaise caused by never-ending political and social strife, and in the exploitation by the ruling class.

We dont want to succeed as a sovereign nation aspiring to join the modern world in pros-perity. We refuse to let go of our culture of squabbling among ourselves, quarreling among ourselves for advantage.

And were not fi t to manage our affairs of state. Theres an absence of cooperation, a collec-tive desire to improve our lot.

We ourselves have allowed our collective lot to be in a con-tinuing state of decay, impover-ishment, and misery.

We weaken our bureaucracy by stuffi ng it with incompetent and corruptible workers. We make our educational system useless by making do with improperly trained teachers and, as a consequence, we produce

hundreds of thousands of half-baked graduates every year. We abhor rigor in our work and are content with mediocrity. We like to improvise and resort to short-cuts.

We construct buildings, roads and bridges that crumble after only a few years. We over-price such projects and charge the bill to the national treasury while those who pocketed the over budget wallow in unde-served luxury.

We steal the peoples money with impunity without a trace of guilt feelings. Look at all the politicians who live in large estates, driven in fancy vehicles, and vacation in the posh spots of the world.

Election after election we vote crooks and criminals into offi ce so they can continue steal-ing the peoples money. Election after election we send them back to Manila or the governors man-sion and city/municipal hall so they can perpetuate their dynas-tic hold on power.

A system can only be as good as those who run it. Our politicians, most of whom are incompetent and unprincipled, have used the system to sus-tain their greed and lack of con-science.

But, in the end, whose fault is it that theyve been able to commit plunder through all these years? Who voted for these thieves and opportunists? It is us, of course.

Dont blame the system, thats barking up the wrong tree. Thats pointing the fi nger at the wrong culprit. Thats just a con-venient excuse.

The politicians can be rightly blamed for the infernal abyss into which we the people have fallen. But we are all to blame for allowing it to happen.

Its not the system that needs changing, its us.

On the Legacy of a War

Not just a war, but World War II, the confl ict that affected most of the countries on earth in the 1940s, following three decades later the fi rst global turmoil dubbed by historians as the war that will end all wars. Wars among and between nations never end; dis-putes arising from claims of geo-graphical border-trespassings and other so-called confl icts of interest and which are not settled by peaceful means inevitably end always in massive deaths and destructions. Throughout all the recorded global confl icts, the Philippines has never been an adversary, but she, for a time in her dark period, was a victim.

Japan, a major participant in the Second World War, brought deaths and destructions to the Philippines, following the land-ing of Japanese forces on Decem-ber 10, 1941 at Aparri in north-ern Luzon. The invasion was swift. Bataan and Corregidor, the remaining defensive strong-holds of Filipino and U.S. sol-diers, were overtaken ending in the hasty departure of General McArthur for Australia. Before leaving, he promised to return and to liberate the whole coun-try.

On December 20, 1944, the liberation begun when the U.S. 6th Army, with 174,000 strong, poured men and equipment on the island of Leyte. Refl ecting the tenet of Carl von Clausewitz, a noted theoretician, that the conduct of war is determined by the speed of the mode of trans-portation used, brought with them several hundreds of small, general-purpose vehicle with 80-inch wheelbase, four-wheel drive, and a loading capacity of one-fourth of a ton. And like the mythical bird arising from the ashes of war, the jeep has been the Phoenix hovering around the hearts and minds of the Filipinos since then.

The war ended; peace was declared and settled. The with-drawing U.S. forces left with them a surplus in several hun-dred s of these small all-terrain vehicles. Within a few months, realizing the immediate needs of the people to move from one area to another, business-minded Fili-pinos took possession, and cou-pled with the inherent ingenuity of the others, came up with the Jeepney, a small jitney vehicle converted from a jeep that can carry passengers on a small fare, on a regular route, and on a fl ex-ible schedule.

To increase the load, the wheelbase was stretched to accommodate 17 to 18 paying passengers of regular built and

size, one half sitting elbow to elbow on one side facing the other half. On a regular trip, a passengers need to get to ones destination more often than not overrode the need for comfort. The conversion followed the designs for an oval-shaped roof as a protection from the ele-ments and for the installation of heavy-textured curtains, usually of canvas, which can be rolled up or down depending on the presence of rains or sunrays. Some of the outside parts were replaced by chromes, the wind-shield wipers were upgraded, and spaces visible from the out-side were painted over in entic-ing colors and designs to make it appear cozy inside.

No part of the original jeep was left untouched. The hood was reconfi gured to accom-modate chrome linings and the front is topped by a fi gure, also in chrome, of a charging stallion, a rooster, or an eagle on wings. To those mostly manifesting Fili-pino folk psyche, a Sarimanok, in shiny metal plating, is the pre-ferred ornament. Sarimanok, a mythical bird, is associated with the culture of Mindanao, the southern part of the Philippines. Even the radio antenna was not spared; the attached colorful streamers would wave like fl ags when rustled by the wind. Inside, there would be on the dashboard a small altar, with a cross and a small fi gure of the Our Lady of Good Voyage, the patron saint of travelers. Always, there would be a garland of Sampaguita fl ow-ers, serving as decorations and as a deodorizer.

The number of these vehi-cles grew. They are everywhere; no major road or street, or even highway, has not been plied by any of them. In Metro Manila alone, a census conducted as late as 1990 counted them at around 50,000 weaving their way through and around traf-fi cs. Their ubiquity, along with the added Sarimanok and Sam-paguita fl owers, make them cultural icons. The Philippine government, when invited to participate in international cul-tural festivals, along with other artifacts and iconic cultural samples, would also send over a

functioning jeepney, with all the trimmings and colorful designs. The recent participation of the Philippines at the Smithsonian Folk Festival gave the Filipino-Americans, living and working here in the United States, a rare chance of viewing glimpses of life in the Philippines.

When my wife and I, along with our three kids, went to Paris for the fi rst time on a short vaca-tion, the exposure to European culture, the peoples way of life, their language, their food, and the advanced designs of their clothes, although some of them we took in as somewhat pecu-liar-looking, overwhelmed us to a point that at the end of a day we longed for, hunkered, for a difference in taste, especially for something Philippines. After several inquiries, we learned that in the middle of Paris, tucked in at a historic-looking building was a small restaurant offer-ing Filipino dishes, which we later learned was owned by the famous Filipina chef, Nora Daza. But what surprised us most, when we fi nally located the res-taurant, was a jeepney parked in front of it. No doubt, we looked at and accepted it as a travelling Philippine treasure.

The jeepneys, long may they live, are the driving, living sym-bols of the Filipino inventive-ness, of how a visiting calamity like the destructive effects of a war, could be turned into an opportunity for survival. The fact that in this modern, upscale, time, the jeepneys are still around speak eloquently of the peoples resilience and, and born of the colonizing infl uence of the Spanish temperament, of a mata-dor facing a charging bull. They are a legacy of the past preserved for the future. The onslaught of new models of SUVs, mini-vans, and pickups now being mar-keted in the Philippines cannot stop the demands for these small vehicles. Sarao Motors, in Las Pinas, which stopped production in 2000, after 44 years of service, gave the chance to others, like Francisco Motors and Serrano Motors, to take over in meeting the continuing demand for the converted jeeps.

March 16-31, 20151818

Here Comes Spring & the Jobs Report

It sure doesnt feel like spring on the east coast. However, our calendar tells us that it is March and we have two impor-tant events Daylight Saving Time started on March 8, which means we must turn our clocks forward and we have another jobs report being released.

It seems like we just had a jobs report to comment on, but we must remember that Febru-ary is a short month.

The jobs data has been so strong lately, our guess is that projections are starting to creep up. There was a time not long ago in which 200,000 jobs added was considered a fantastic month. Now 200,000 may be considered a disappointment.

If we continue to add jobs at the rate of 250,000 per month, it is possible that the Federal Reserve

Board will raise short term rates more quickly than anticipated.

Evidence the fact that rates moved up signifi cantly during the week of the last jobs report. The move was not enough to shake the markets nor enough to deter consumers from purchas-ing homes.

However, that does not mean another strong report could not move rates up another notch.

The real estate data released in the past week was not espe-cially strong with existing sales slightly lower than expectations and new home sales slightly higher than expectations.

Even though the data was not strong, the numbers con-tinued to be improved on a year-over-year basis thus the market is moving in the right direction and the very strong pending home sales numbers released on Friday confi rms that assessment.

Ramon M Llamas, NMLS#: 483757, has been in the lending business for more than 20 years. He has helped thousands of homeown-ers saved money in their mortgage needs, purchase or refinance. Any mortgage question or free personal mortgage analysis, please email him at homemortgage101@yahoo.com or call his cellphone at 703.980.3984.

The Greatness Behind the Human Mind

RICHMOND, Virginia.

Behold the human brain, Gods beautiful, intricately designed masterpiece.Despite only making up two

percent of our body weight, our brains demand 15 percent of our total heart output and 20 percent of our total oxygen to function. Scientists say the average human brain has between 50 and 100 billion neurons and 1000 trillion connections when our synapses are all fi ring.

Thats a lot of power to punch behind the human brain despite just weighing a measly three pounds. With all that said its pretty safe to say that she is perhaps the most complex yet important and vital part of our bodies. She also gives the God-given ability to think, create and act on our ideas, which is the true blessing of the human brain after all.

In the past few articles, I have talked about how we all have ideas, but what separates the great ones from the regular ones is what makes extraordi-nary individuals stand out from the rest. Itseparates the Steve Jobs and Warren Buffetts from the Average Joes of this world.

To some degree everyone wants to leave their mark with their own great ideas which gives us all an itch at some point in our lives to share them with others and even take on the Big Machine a.k.a the game of busi-ness. Unfortunately it takes a lot to even get our ideas out in the fi rst place let alone start a busi-ness, but what prevents us all from taking our own walk with greatness?

I believe it all starts with Fear. The funny thing about fear is he can creep up into our lives and hit as in an instant out of nowhere. What starts as something so small can suddenly send us in the middle of an ocean with waves crashing mightily. Fear is what keeps entrepreneurs from actually taking the fi rst step merely dipping our feet in shal-low waters.

Fear also creates doubt and leaves us prisoners to our own thoughts. How often do we see a person with a great idea just sit and become complacent, think-ing and second guessing himself

over and over until the idea just fades into the dark?

The mantra is always have a winning mentality, never let yourself get boxed in and always think outside the box. As you can see my secret weapon is broken down in three parts but if you take a closer look it focus on one common goal which is essentially beating that Fear.

Not that I am trying to step on Tony Robbins shoes, but if you think about it most business owners struggle taking fi rst steps into taking on the Big Machine, because they have already been defeated before they even start. Most of us are also intimidated by the fear of competition, and how others are far better and more superior than us.

Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine per-cent perspiration, said Thomas Edison. Everyone has to start somewhere and even the great-est of them have to work hard through blood, sweat, and tears with their craft.

I have seen this so many times, people enamored with their own ideas that number 2 and 3 of my mantra become more like a two-headed mon-ster. Take one of my past clients for instance. He was a success-ful Italian restaurateur, having established a chain of very popu-lar New York Style Pizza.

After winning them over with his pizza, he decided to scale a different mountain the Italian Sicilian Pizza. In his mind he wanted to share to his custom-ers a real and authentic style of pizza. His team would use mar-keting taglines buzzword like the real pizza or viva la pizza aka forever live tawayizza. He stopped listening to his custom-ers and even his own team advis-ing him that his fi rst take at the Italian Pizza may be missing ingredients or a new approach.

Sales never hit the mark but he kept driving the same pizza and it was driving business away. The moral of the story? He let himself get boxed in and stopped thinking outside the box.

Number one, there is no such thing as a fi nished prod-uct which is why we should always strive to better our ideas

Parole in place

The USCIS on November 15, 2013 issued a Policy Memorandum clarifying the treatment of alien relatives of United States military personnel.

Spouses, parents and chil-dren of active duty service members, including veterans and reservists, who are pres-ent in the United States without valid immigration status will be granted parole status.

This temporary status will shield qualifi ed aliens from deportation. Unless the alien has been convicted of serious crimes, it is likely that parole will be granted. It is given on yearly increments.

Under current law, aliens who enter the country without inspection ordinarily would not qualify for adjustment of status unless granted parole. For instance, the spouse of an active duty soldier who crossed the border into the US would not be able to adjust to permanent resi-dent without exiting the coun-try to apply for an immigrant visa. The problem however is that once the alien exits the US, he/she may have to wait for an indefi nite time before being granted an immigrant visa to return.

Whether or not the alien will qualify for adjustment of status in the US without exiting the

country would depend upon the status of the US military member. Only immediate relatives of U.S. citizens will qualify for adjust-ment of status and these are spouses, parents and children under 21years. Parole does not erase other grounds of inadmis-sibility like failure to maintain continuous lawful status since entry into the US, unless the

alien is an immediate relative of a US citizen or falls under other exemptions designated by law.

If the US military member is only a green card holder, the better way to proceed would be to wait until the military member, reservist or veteran obtains US citizenship.

(Questions may be addressed to 703 893 0760)

VISA PRIORITY DATES FOR THE PHILIPPINESMARCH 2015

FAMILY-SPONSORED PREFERENCES First: Unmarried sons/daughters of US citizens Feb. 01, 2005Second:A: Spouses/minor children of permanent residents: Jun 22, 2013B: Unmarried sons/daughters 21 years of age or older of permanent residents Mar. 22, 2004Third: Married sons/daughters of citizens Aug. 01, 1993Fourth: Brothers/sisters of citizens Sep. 08, 1991

EMPLOYMENT-BASED PREFERENCESFirst: Priority workers CurrentSecond: Professionals holding advanced degrees or persons of exceptional ability CurrentThird: Skilled workers, professionals Jun. 01, 2014Other Workers Jun. 01, 2014Fourth: Certain Religious Workers CurrentFifth: Employment creation/ (Million or half-million dollar investor) Current

and number two, it helps to listen and to trust, being open to others. And lastly it is lack of trust in ourselves and others that

keeps us complacent with our own ideas.

Do yourself a favor and let out what you have been keeping

in all these years. Its time to take that plunge and share your great ideas to the world great ideas to the world.

March 16-31, 2015 19

VEGETABLE PATTIES

During Lent season, I am so passionate to serve my family and visiting friends with delicious vegetarian dishes they have not tried before. As a meticulous and creative master chef, as well an artist, I always believe that exploring, inventing and re-engineering recipes is a never-ending art for me. Try this one, my newly cre-ated light recipe, that is surpris-ingly good to munch any time of the day. These patties can be eaten as is or with your favorite sweet and sour sauce or home-made combined honey and mus-tard.

Yields 4-6 patties

Ingredients:2 cups chopped fresh kale1/2 cup fi nely chopped

onions1/2 cup tiny diced carrots1/2 cup tiny diced potatoes1/4 cup tiny diced sweet

potatoes1/4 cup tiny diced red bell

pepper1 teaspoon chopped thymeSalt and pepper to taste4 eggs, slightly beaten

Methods:Using a skillet, slightly wilt

the kale without any oil over medium heat and set aside to cool.

Wipe clean the same skillet and saut the onions with a dash of vegetable oil until soft (about 2 to 3 minutes). Add the carrots

and potatoes to cook half-done. Add the sweet potatoes, red bell pepper and thyme; season with salt and pepper and continue to cook for another 2 to 3 minutes. All the vegetables should be cooked but still crunchy. Trans-fer to a platter to cool completely.

In a mixing bowl, transfer

the vegetables, including the kale, and fold the eggs into this mixture (do not overbeat) and blend the ingredients gently.

Clean the same skillet or use a 12-inch frying pan instead to cook the patties. Preheat the skillet with 2 to 3 tablespoons of vegetable oil over medium heat; using a soup ladle, scoop about 2 to 3 patties, pressing them slightly with the back of the ladle to create a slightly bumped round shape (about 3 or 4 inches in diameter). Cook one side about 3 to 4 minutes and fl ip over the patties to cook for another 2 to 3 minutes or until cooked through.

Served hot or chilled.Editors Note: Master Chef

Evelyn --100 Most Influential Fili-

pina Women in the U.S., 2009, Fili-pina Womens Network; MHC Most Outstanding Migrant Award in Culinary Arts, 2011; PAFC Dakila Special Achievement Award, 2011; Owner/Master Chef, Philippine Oriental Market & Deli, Arlington, Virginia; Founder and President of CHEW (Cancer Help Eat Well) Foundation, a 501 (c) (3) public charity formed to help and cook pro-bono for Filipino-Americans who are afflicted with cancer and other serious illnesses; Culinary writer; Member, Les Dames dEscoffier International, Washington DC Chapter; Member, International Cake Exploration Society, Member, Culinary Historians of Washington, D.C.; Master Chef, French Cuisine and Patisserie, Le Cordon Bleu, London.

BIBLE CLASS

A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class.

As she ran she prayed, Dear Lord, please dont let me be late! Dear Lord, please dont let me be late!

While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again!

As she ran she once again began to pray, Dear Lord, please dont let me be late... but please dont shove me either!

ROMANTICThe wife texted her hus-

band:My love. if youre sleeping,

send me your dreams. If youre smiling, send me your smile.

If youre crying, send me your tears. I love you.

He replied: Im in the toilet. What would you like me to send you?

BOYFRIENDA 5-year-old boy went

to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, Grandma, how come you dont have a boyfriend now that

Grandpa went to heaven?Grandma replied, Honey,

my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the com-edies make me laugh. Im happy with my TV as my boyfriend.

Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fi x the problem.

The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandmas minister.

The minister said, Hello son, is your Grandma home?

The little boy replied, Yeah, shes in the bedroom bangin her boyfriend.

The minister fainted.

CONSIDERATEAn old guy is in Costco

pushing a cart around, when he collided with a young guy also pushing his cart. He said to the young guy, Sorry about that. Im looking for my wife and I guess I wasnt paying attention to where I was going.

The young guy says, Thats OK. Its just a coincidence. Im looking for my wife, too. I cant fi nd her and Im getting a little

desperate.So, the old guy says, Well,

maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?

The young guy says, Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blond hair, green eyes, long legs, big boobs and shes wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?

The old guy replied, Doesnt matter. Lets look for yours.

ANO BAAnak : Tays! Kakains nas

tayos!Tatay: Hoy! Tigilan mo yang

kalalagay mo ng S sa mga sina-sabi mo ha! Ano ba ang ulam ?

Anak: Bangu na may kamati, ardina na may ibuya!

HONEYMOONBride: Kinakabahan ako...

baka di ko makaya. Parang natatakot ako.

Groom: Kaya mo ito. Di ba dati may alaga kang ahas?

Bride: Oo nga, pero takot talaga ako sa uod!

BAWAT BUTILTeacher: Children, alam

niyo ba na ang bawat butil ng palay ay galing sa dugot pawis ng mga magsasaka?

Mga bata: Eeewwww!

BEERSabel: Sabi nung friend ko,

nakakalaki daw ng tiyan ang beer.

Carol: Bakit mo naman nasabi yan?

Sabel: Kasi noong minsang nalasing siya, nabuntis siya!

ENTRANCE FEEWalang entrance fee ang

sinumang may dalang pana-bong. Dahil gusto ni Juan na makalibre, pumasok siyang may dalang inahin.

Bantay: (Sinita si Juan) Ano yan?

Juan: (Galit pa!) Manok!Bantay: Alam ko. Eh bakit

inahin?Juan: May laban ang mister

niya, siyempre kailangan niya ang moral support... bobo ka talaga!

DI PUWEDEDoray: Mare, kulang pa

kami ng isang miyembro. Baka gusto mong sumali sa paluwa-gan.

Pinang: Hindi pa ako

puwede, mare.Doray: Bakit naman, mare?Pinang: Virgin pa kasi ako

eh.

VOGUEAmo: Inday, kunin mo nga

yung VOGUE magazine!Inday: Mam, Vogyu hindi

Vog.Amo: Inday, Vog ang

tamang pagbigkas.Inday: O sige na nga Mam,

Vog na... theres no need to arg.

PIZZAWaiter: Sir, gusto po niyo

i-cut ko ang pizza niyo into 4 slices or 8 slices?

Kaloy: Into four na lang, masyadong marami yung eight... baka di ko mauubos.

LAGING MALIAnak: Wala akong kuwen-

tang anak para sa inyo! Lahat na lang ng ginagawa ko puro mali ! Lagi na lang ako mali! Di niyo na ako mahal!

Ama: Nagkakamali ka anak.Anak: O ayan! Mali na

naman ako!

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