Loneliness Literature Recommendations Dale Carnegie

How to Win Friends and Influence People (Book)

Ben Sasse

Them: Why We Hate Each Other and How to Heal

(Book)

Ethan Kross

Social Rejection Shares Somatosensory

Representations with Physical Pain (Peer Reviewed

Study)

Passive Facebook Usage Undermines Affective Well-

Being: Experimental and Longitudinal Evidence (Peer

Reviewed Study)

Cal Newport

Digital Minimalism (Book)

Deep Work (Book)

The Doctors Farmacy with Mark Hyman (Podcast)

Jonathan Haidt

Coddling of the American Mind (Book)

Joe Rogan Experience (Podcast)

Johann Hari

Chasing the Scream (Book)

Lost Connections (Book)

Joe Rogan Experience (Podcast)

“The Likely Cause of Addiction Has Been Discovered,

and It Is Not What You Think” (Huffington Post

Article, 1/20/2015)

Jean Twenge

iGen: Why Today's Super-Connected Kids Are

Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less

Happy--and Completely Unprepared for Adulthood--

and What That Means for the Rest of Us (Book)

Cliff Nass

Multitasking research

Sophie Leroy

“Why is it so hard to do my work? The challenge of

attention residue when switching between work

tasks” (Published Journal Article July 2009)

Robert Putnum

Bowling Alone (Book)

Yvonne Kelly, Afshin Zilanawala, Cara Booker, and

Amanda Sacker

Social Media Use and Adolescent Mental Health:

Findings From the UK Millennium Cohort Study

January 4, 2009 (Peer Reviewed Study)

Sarvada Chandra Tiwari

“Loneliness: A Disease?”(Published Journal Article,

2009)

Cigna – Loneliness Survey

Cigna Loneliness Survey #1

Cigna Loneliness Survey #2

Cigna Loneliness Survey #3

Abraham Maslow

Hierarchy of Needs

Rat Park Studies

Professor Bruce K. Alexander

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Please power off your cell phones and place them out of

sight.

Justin Gephart MPH, CHES

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What is Loneliness?“According to psychologists, loneliness is not merely isolation or an individuals “perception of being alone and isolated,” but rather the “inability to find meaning in one’s life.” Sociologists sometimes describe the concept as “a subjective, negative feeling related to deficient social relations,” or the “feeling of disconnectedness” from a community of meaning.” Ben Sasse, Them, Sarvada Chandra Tiwari, “Loneliness: A Disease?”, 2009 (1)

Loneliness survey from Cigna

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Loneliness survey from Cigna

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Loneliness survey from Cigna

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Main Themes of Discussion:Lack of social/

human connection Lack of

communities to belong to

What we do about it

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

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Seven Dimensions of WellnessPhysicalEmotional Intellectual Social SpiritualEnvironmentalOccupational

Lack of Social/ Human Connection

Social Media Social Networking Applications (Facebook, Twitter,

Instagram, etc.)

“Social” networks not social Facebook “randoms” and response

Hope to build a “community” or a “network” (“friend” requests, follow, “connect”, etc.)

The more social media interaction you have, the less interaction you ACTUALLY have in person because of a false sense of connection. (Cal Newport, Ethan Kross) Accomplishes the opposite and provides further push to

isolation and loneliness

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Social Media Dating apps Skewed and unhealthy view of others/ potential

mates? Window shopping No emotional connection, strictly physical (Swiping)

Further isolation. So many options, so little connection. Ability to disconnect the flat words on a screen from an

actual human being behind it. Can this lead to a dating app culture (“hook up” apps)

of self satisfaction, which furthers loneliness and isolation??

Ethan Kross B.A. from the University of Pennsylvania and M.A. and Ph.D. from Columbia University. Professor in the Psychology Department at the

University of Michigan Director of the University of Michigan Emotion and

Self-Control Laboratory.

Ethan Kross 1. Passive Facebook Usage Undermines Affective

Well-Being: Experimental and Longitudinal Evidence

Study 1: They manipulated whether participants used Facebook passively or actively in the laboratory, and examined the immediate and delayed effects of this manipulation on subjective well-being.

Study 2: 1-week experience sampling study to examine how active versus passive Facebook use impacts subjective well-being over time in daily life.

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Ethan Kross Examined the longitudinal implications of

Facebook use for two components of subjective well-being: How people feel moment-to-moment How satisfied they are with their lives.

Findings: The more people used Facebook during one time

period, the worse they subsequently felt The more they used Facebook over 2-weeks, the more

their life satisfaction levels declined over time.

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Ethan Kross Why might passive Facebook usage undermine well-

being? On Facebook, people tend to portray themselves in

overly flattering ways. They also communicate positive life developments

more frequently than negative ones. Theoretically, continually exposing oneself to positive

information about others should elicit envy, an emotion linked to lower well-being.

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Ethan Kross 2. Social rejection shares somatosensory

representations with physical pain How similar are the experiences of social rejection

and physical pain? Kross et. al demonstrate that when rejection is

powerfully elicited—by having people who recently experienced an unwanted break-up view a photograph of their ex-partner as they think about being rejected—areas of the brain that support the sensory components of physical pain become active. The overlap demonstrated by using functional MRI. (5)

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Ethan Kross The Physical Pain task consisted of two types of

trials: Hot trials, in which participants experienced unpleasant thermal stimulation on their left forearm, and Warm trials, in which participants experienced more comfortable thermal stimulation in the same area.

To sum this up, experiences of social rejection elicited from sufficiently intense stimulus, recruit brain regions involved in both the affective (moods, feelings, and attitudes) and sensory (physical) components of physical pain.

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Ethan Kross QUESTION: Given the fact that “we are what we learn

to be” and past experiences shape our physiological response to future experience, could it be possible that “sufficiently intense stimulus” could be different for each individual? Lack of text message response, being denied a job, etc.?

Additionally, as humans we naturally try to avoid what causes us pain, right? So if we are continually rejected socially, does it make sense we eventually evolve to the point of avoiding it?

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Ethan Kross

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How do you feel/ how have you felt about being separated from your

phone?

Cell phones Creates the situation where we are “alone together” Buried in phones, not talking

Unaware of your surroundings, environment, and the present.

The gym Perpetuating the disconnect between people by drastically

reducing the need for face to face and in person communication.

“If you don’t use it you lose it” If the requirement to communicate in person dissipates or disappears entirely, does our ability to communicate in person with other people erode like other skills we do not use? Hockey

Cal Newport Cal Newport is an associate professor of computer

science at Georgetown University and writes about the impact of technological innovations on our culture. Newport is the author of six books, including Digital Minimalism and Deep Work.

Dr’s Farmacy Podcast with Mark Hyman

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Cal Newport Myth: If you're not on social media, you can not maintain

healthy social life. No evidence to support. In fact, opposite is probably true.

Compared to isolation, only a few things on social media make you happier and it has come from REAL friends and family.

The more you use it, the less happy you are (Ethan Kross) Our brain has evolved to utilize a lot of brain power to

process complex social cues (voice, facial expressions, movements, posture, etc.) This function and capability of the brain is left impoverished when you take away that rich stream of information by utilizing cell phones and/ or social media. Who here has ever had their intentions misunderstood via text

message? (6)

Cal Newport Who would be willing to

read (page 175) for me?

Cal Newport Social media, cell phones, and technology are having

an impact on peoples ability to concentrate, both personally and professionally.

Getting used to having these distractions (new tab opening, facebook, ect.) and stimuli.

Tool does not even have to be in front of you. It can still impair the ability to focus.

Intense, addictive forms of distraction have long term effect on cognitive health.

Has professional impact: these issues WILL make you worse at what you do if you have a knowledge sector job. (6)

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Cal Newport Cliff Nass Stanford University

Former professor of communication at Stanford University Renowned authority on human-computer interaction.

Known for his work on individual differences associated with multitasking.

Multitasking is not possible, just distracted work 2009 paper “Why Is It So Hard To Do My Work?”

Attention Residue – Sophie Leroy, business-school professor at the University of Minnesota

A context switch leaves attention residue, which is time required to refocus, which cuts productivity.

How many different tasks do you do per day NOT to completion?

The amount of time on task we lose can be significant. (6)

Cal Newport Social media is DESIGNED to be addictive

Plays off the reality of moderate behavioral addictions, i.e. cell phone in your pocket 24/7. Makes it very difficult to not use it (FB for example) a lot.

Highjacking of psycological vulnerabilities: FB notifications : RED The “endless scrolling” notion. Social approval indicators; tagging, “likes”, etc.

immediate feedback instant gratification.

Nearly impossible to ignore messes with the dopamine/ reward system in the brain.

On Social media platforms, YOU are the product. No eyes = No money. (Lack of CONNECTION!) (6)

Cal Newport Cal’s Suggestions: Good to be bored more often. Stay away from the internet tools that try to steal and

profit off of your attention. Start with figuring out your life’s values, then utilize

technology to help further those specific values. IGNORE EVERYTHING ELSE! (Digital Minimalism)

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“Bowling Alone”

“Bowling Alone” stats about tv and civic disengagement (2000) Page 231

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Food For Thought: If TV caused this much harm PRIOR to the age of cell

phones and social media, how much MORE harm are we doing to our ability to connect?

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Lack of Communities to Belong to

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Decline of American Community Decline in Community

Organizations: “Between 1975 and 1995,

membership in social clubs and community organizations such as

PTA, Kiwanis, and Rotary plummeted. Same with labor union

membership and regular church attendance. (Recently, overall

participation in youth sports leagues has dropped as well.) Locally

organized churches declined, with more anonymous, commuter

megachurches absorbing their members.” Ben Sasse, Them, Robert

Putnum, Harvard Social Scientist

*From in person to dues paying(1)

Decline of American Community Lack of similarities: I love Lucy (1951 debut) 70% of the population Beverly Hillbillies (1960s) 33% of population Sunday Night Football

(2014) 14% of the population Hannity (most popular

cable “news”) 3.2 million or 1% of

population

1963 had 4 channels (CBS,NBC,ABC, local non profit) Similar experiences

and watercooler talk Currently, most

Americans have 500+ channels and unlimited other options at fingertips. Drastically reduces likelihood of similar experiences. –Ben Sasse, THEM

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Did You Know?“…Americans consume 99% of the worlds hydrocodone and

81% of the worlds oxycodone. A New York Magazine journalist laid out how these drugs are often used to dull something more than physical pain – what he calls “existential pain”. “The oxytocin we experience from love or friendship or orgasm is chemically replicated by the molecules derived from the poppy plant. It’s a shortcut – and an instant intensification –of the happiness we might ordinarily experience in a good and fruitful communal life.”…“Take away the stimulus of community and all the oxytocin it naturally generates, and an artificial variety of the substance becomes much more compelling.” – Ben Sasse, Them, Andrew Sullivan, New York Magazine, 2018

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“Chasing the Scream” Johann Hari

Swiss-English writer and journalist. Has written for the Huffington Post and The Independent

Focus on depression, drug addiction, and social connection

Chemical addiction - Hospital Use Vietnam heroin use

Heroin was “as common as chewing gum” among U.S. soldiers: 20 percent of U.S. soldiers had become addicted to heroin there,

according to a study published in the Archives of General Psychiatry.

95 percent of the addicted soldiers — according to the same study — simply stopped. Very few had rehab. They shifted from a terrifying cage back to a pleasant one, so did

not want the drug any more. (10)

“Chasing the Scream” Rat Park (Canadian Psychologist Professor Bruce Alexander, 1970’s-

1980’s) He wanted to know, if you fall into that state of addiction, is your brain

hijacked, so you can’t recover? Do the drugs take you over? The rats seemed to have a few twitches of withdrawal, but they soon

stopped their heavy use, and went back to having a normal life. The good cage saved them.

Professor Peter Cohen (Director of the Centre for Drug Research in Amsterdam) argues that human beings have a deep need to bond and form connections. It’s how we get our satisfaction.

If we can’t connect with each other, we will connect with anything we can find — the whirr of a roulette wheel or the prick of a syringe.

He says we should stop talking about ‘addiction’ altogether, and instead call it ‘bonding.’ A heroin addict has bonded with heroin because she couldn’t bond

as fully with anything else. So the opposite of addiction is not sobriety. It is human

connection.(10)

“Chasing the Scream” Portugal 2001 1% of the population addicted to heroin. Tried a drug war but problem kept getting worse. Radically different approach: decriminalize all drugs Transfer all the money they used to spend on arresting and jailing drug

addicts, and spend it instead on reconnecting them — to their own feelings, and to the wider society.

The most crucial step is to get them secure housing, and subsidized jobs so they have a purpose in life, and something to get out of bed for.

One example was a group of addicts who were given a loan to set up a removals firm. Suddenly, they were a group (community), all bonded to each other, and to the society (community), and responsible for each other’s care.

An independent study by the British Journal of Criminology found that since total decriminalization, addiction has fallen, and injecting drug use is down by 50 percent. (2001 – 2015) (10)

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“Chasing the Scream” We have created an environment and a culture that cut us

off from connection, or offer only the parody of it offered by the Internet.

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What do We do About it?

“If we want to make friends, let’s put ourselves out to do things for other people – things that require time, energy, unselfishness and thoughtfulness.” - Dale Carnegie, “How to Win Friends and

Influence People”

“The deepest urge in human nature is the desire to be important.” – John Dewey, American Philosopher, Dale Carnegie, “How to Win Friends and Influence People”

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What do we do about it? Spend time with trusted friends, family and loved ones.

Blue Zones like Ikaria, a small island in Greece where one in three make it into their 90’s, have a strong sense of community as an overwhelming characteristic that defines their lifestyle (trust)- Jeffery Bland, The Disease Delusion

Think how your words and actions impact and influence others (Kross brain images of rejection and How to Win Friends and Influence People)

Honor your word by doing what you say you are going to do Be open, honest, and trustworthy. Respond accordingly

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What do we do about it? “Your smile is a messenger of your good will. Your

smile brightens the lives of all who see it. To someone who has seen a dozen people frown, scowl, or turn their faces away, your smile is like the sun breaking through the clouds. Especially when that someone is under pressure from his bosses, his customers, his teachers, or parents or children, a smile can help him realize that all is not hopeless – that there is joy in the world.” - Dale Carnegie, “How to Win Friends and Influence People”

“Inside the Mind of a School shooter” story from NPR

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What do we do about it? Call individuals by name Spend time becoming a part of your community Volunteer Spend time in community establishments Meet the neighbors Run for office Join a church Be a presence! TALK IN PERSON!

What do we do about it? Fulfillment. It is the end all be all of what we

seek. Social connections, family connections, children,

experiences are what provide the fulfillment we seek. Anything that distracts us from those things

(technology, social media, material possessions/ short term highs, etc.) can further suppress and slow the attainment of that fulfillment.

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Parting Thoughts:

Sources:1. Sasse, B. E. (2018). Them: why we hate each other--and how to heal. New York, NY: St. Martins

Press.2. (2018). Cigna 2018 U.S. Loneliness Index. CIGNA 2018 U.S. LONELINESS INDEX. CIGNA. Retrieved

from https://www.cigna.com/assets/docs/newsroom/loneliness-survey-2018-fact-sheet.pdf3. Mcleod, S. (2018, May 21). Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Retrieved from

https://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html4. Verduyn, P., Lee, D. S., Park, J., Shablack, H., Orvell, A., Bayer, J., … Kross, E. (2015). Passive

Facebook usage undermines affective well-being: Experimental and longitudinal evidence. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 144(2), 480–488. doi: 10.1037/xge0000057

5. Kross, E., Berman, M. G., Mischel, W., Smith, E. E., & Wager, T. D. (2011). Social rejection shares somatosensory representations with physical pain. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 108(15), 6270–6275. doi: 10.1073/pnas.1102693108

6. (2019, February 6). The Doctor's Farmacy with Cal Newport. Retrieved from https://drhyman.com/blog/2019/02/06/podcast-ep39/

7. Putnam, R. (2000). Bowling Alone. Simon & Schuster.8. PowerfulJRE. (2019, January 7). Joe Rogan Experience #1221 - Jonathan Haidt. Retrieved from

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FG6HbWw2RF49. Ucl. (2019, January 8). Depression linked to social media twice as high among girls. Retrieved from

https://www.ucl.ac.uk/news/2019/jan/depression-linked-social-media-twice-high-among-girls-010. Hari, J. (2016). Chasing the scream. London: Bloomsbury.11. Carengie, D. (1936). How To Win Friends And Influence People (1st ed.). Simon and Schuster.12. Bland, J. (2015). The disease delusion: conquering the causes of chronic illness for a healthier, longer,

and happier life. New York: HarperWave, an imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers.13. Dominus, I. S. (2013, November 1). Randi Zuckerberg: 'I Really Put Myself Out There'. Retrieved

from https://www.nytimes.com/2013/11/03/magazine/randi-zuckerberg-i-really-put-myself-out-there.html

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Jonathan Haidt American social psychologist and

Professor of Ethical Leadership at New York University's Stern School of Business.

Author of: The Happiness Hypothesis The Righteous Mind The Coddling of the American

Mind

Three terrible ideas have become increasingly woven into American childhood and education: What doesn’t kill you makes you weaker; always trust your feelings; and life is a battle between good people and evil people.

Embracing these untruths—and the resulting culture of safetyism—interferes with young people’s social, emotional, and intellectual development.

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Age 10 - 14

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Facebook Founded: 2004

iPhone Release Date: 2007

Facebook PreDownloadedon Mobile Phones: 2013

Social Media and Depressive SymptomsBritish study of 11,000 14 year olds and their depressive

symptoms (1/4/2019): Girls are twice as likely to show signs of depressive

symptoms linked to social media use compared to boys. Girls were heavier users of social media:

Two fifths of them using it more than three hours per day One fifth of boys using it more than three hours per day

Only 4% of girls reported not using social media compared to 10% of boys.

12% of light social media users and 38% of heavy social media users (five or more hours a day) showed signs of having more severe (clinically relevant) depression. (Kross)

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Social Media and Depressive Symptoms Smart phones and anxiety

The book iGen by Jean Twenge and her assessment of the mental health crisis caused by these phones. (Cal Newport)

Social Media and Depressive Symptoms “This important new research confirms that we

need to increase awareness and understanding amongst parents, schools and policy makers about the role of social media in our young people’s mental health, particularly taking into account the increased risks for girls.” - Shirley Cramer, Chief Executive, Royal Society of Public Health

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Ethan Kross Randi Zuckerberg (sister) New York Times article

November 2013: “What are you most guilty of on Facebook?” “I’m a marketer, and sometimes I almost can’t take it

out of my personal life. I’ve had friends call me and say, ‘Your life looks so amazing.’ And I tell them: ‘I’m a marketer; I’m only posting the moments that are amazing.’”

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Cal Newport Non Industrial Productivity

Throughout this entire period (growing cell phone use, social media, connectivity, etc) productivity has been stagnant when it should be skyrocketing given the new tools and capabilities.

Given the experiences of the new, upcoming generation with technology and social media, the productivity in the future is likely to decline.

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