limericks galore
DESCRIPTION
A book of LimericksTRANSCRIPT
R
O
Limericks Galore
By Peter [email protected] : +27 82 4982560http://limericksgalore.blogspot.com
Limericks GaloreCopyright © 2009 by Peter FinlaysonAll rights reserved.
Cover art and illustrations courtesy of : Google Images and MS Clipart
Foreword
This book is a collection of fun limericks and the theme is a global one. Each limerick makes reference to a country or city in different parts of the world. The chapters are broken down into continents and sub-continents. There are 70 limericks is this book.
ENJOY !!
Limericks GaloreCopyright © 2009 by Peter FinlaysonAll rights reserved. http://limericksgalore.blogspot.com
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Sub-continent
Europe
South America
Australasia
Asia
Africa
North America
Crossword
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Limericks Galore
Limericks GaloreCopyright © 2009 by Peter FinlaysonAll rights reserved. http://limericksgalore.blogspot.com
There was once a man from Calcutta
Who never enjoyed eating butter
He would cover his bread
With jam instead
And throw the butter in the gutter
There was a young lad from DubaiWho never would laugh or cry
They told him a jokeAnd gave him a poke
And still he stood by and by.
There was a deaf chap from Iran
Who’s son was his greatest fan
Together they would talk
And go for a walk
It was good they were from the same clan
There was a young man from Lahore
Who chose to be round, not tall
He ate lots of curry
In a real great hurry
And now he looks just like a ball
A baseballer from Pakistan
Was determined not to be outdone
He batted with grace
And ran for home base
And often he’d hit a home run
A soldier who fought in Sri Lanka
In his youth was a star slam dunker
He would dodge the grenades
And hit them straight back with spades
As he took cover in his military bunker
A sherper who lived in Tibet
Claimed the mountain for him was no threat
Up Everest he’d climb
Through the snow and the slime
And would always proclaim it “No sweat”!
There was a clown from Nepal
Who really was on the ball
He would juggle cups and plates
While the audience awaits
For the cups and the plates to fall
There was a tramp from Bhutan
I believe his name was Dan
He roamed the plains
Amongst the ruins and remains
Looking for scraps for his clan
An athlete from Bangladesh
Needed to cool and refresh
He was on a long run
And it wasn’t for fun
And sprinkled water onto his flesh
There was a young lady from Spain
Who loved to dance in the rain
One very wet day
She fell into the bay
And never went dancing again!
There was a meat eater from Cork
Who loved his beef and his pork
He would eat with his hands
With his plate in the sands
And not use a knife or a fork
There was a man from Gibralter
They had which had caused them to falter.
Cause of too many rows
They retook their vows
Who led his wife to the alter
There was a hunter from Kiev
And the buck he was forced to leave
And his knife got stuck
He crept up to a buck
Who kept a knife up his sleeve
With her friends on a plot
A very young girl from Helsinki
Her name I believe was Minki
She played quite a lot
And their names were Dinki and Pinki
and enjoyed life thereafter in peace.
There was a young sheep in Greece
Who was lacking a warm woolly fleece
He was given a coat
From a friendly goat
There was a painter from Warsaw
Without any blemish or flaw
On the top of a mountain
He sketched a large fountain
Who loved to paint and to draw
because he never knew which way he went.
There was a young swimmer from Kent
Who had a back that was bent
In lane one he would dive
And end up in five
There was a bird from BernWhich I believe was a ternIt would fly round the city And take great, great pityOn the heads of the statues in Bern
And threw it with force at a boa
There was a young guy from Genoa
Who was a very good thrower
He was scared of a snake
So he picked up a rake
There was once an old man from Rome
Who decided to light up his dome
He struck a match
On his very bald patch
And set fire to his dome and his home
There was a cheese-maker from Harlem
As he raced down the ice shute in tandom
Which he ate at high speed
He loved cheddar cheese
Who loved to ride the slalom
There was a chef from Belgrade
And he’d dish up his stew with a spade
His soups were like sand
His food tasted bland
Who battled to make the grade
A winemaker who came from Lisboa
Till the rain came down slower and slower
In a vat he’d remain
It started to rain
He thought his name was Noah
There was a strongman from Brussels
And frighten his eight jack russell’s
And cause his biceps to grow
He would put on a show
Who loved to flex his muscles
There was an old granny from Eira
“Who’s name by the way, was Sarah”
She made up her face
And dressed in fine lace
And now looks so much fairer
As on top she decided to dance.
There was a young damsel in France
Who really enjoyed a good prance
She climbed Notre Dame
And came to no harm
Who was good at playing the tuba
And said goodbye to her past
There was a young lady from Cuba
She took a very long blast
As she swallowed the tuba in Cuba
There was a pirate from Peru
Who was very rude to his crew
They shot him with a blank
And made him walk the plank
And served him up in the stew
There was another man from Peru
Who stuck his fingers with glue
It happened at night
He got one hecka’ve fright
And he didn’t have a clue what to do
A volleyball player from Brazil
Was blessed with a great deal of skill
He spent time on the beach
And the youngsters he’d teach
And spectators he managed to thrill
A zoo-keeper from Argentina
Needed to feed a hyena
He stepped into the cage
Caused the hyena to rage
And the keeper pranced like a ballerina
There was a jockey from Chile
Who loved to ride on a filly
He took part in a race
They came in first place
And the crowd went all crazy and silly
In Paraguay there lived a clown
Around the town he’d walk up and down
He’d laugh at the people and crack a joke
They’d laugh at him back and give him a poke
But this happy clown would never frown
A goal-keeper from Panama City
Was short, stocky, strong and gritty
He played many a match
But was unable to catch
A ball, which was a great pity!
In Colombia there was a man with a sword
Who never liked being ignored
He would love to taunt
And his long sword flaunt
And think of nothing untoward !!
There was a gal from Bolivia
Whose christian name was Olivia
And in the end it was all trivia
She would make a huge fuss
About riding on a bus
There was once a granny from Perth
as she sang of her life on this earth.
and she created a thrill
Her voice was quite shrill
who sang for all she was worth
An Aussie man had no heart
He started to fall apart
He needed an op
But started to pop
And the doctors never knew where to start
An accountant from downtown Brisbane
Drank a bottle and a half of champagne
He felt nothing at first
And then an insatiable thirst
And his head was in considerable pain
An organ donor from Sydney
Decided to pass on his kidney
He went for the op
But the surgeons had to stop
‘cause his wife started screaming like a banshee!
A rally driver from Darwin
Took his 4X4 for a spin
He went seriously off-road
nearly drove over a toad
Which almost jumped out of its skin!
A rugby player from Tonga
Could not seem to wait any longer
He loved being in the scrum
Alongside his chum
Who was bigger and broader and stronger!
A poor hobo who lived in Dunedin
Used to eat what came out of a bin
He’d spend his time having many fits
Looking around for tasty titbits
And often he just couldn’t win!
There was a bright girl from Pekingwho was allergic to a bee stingshe once got a biteand got quite a frightas her arm was put in a sling
There was once a young man from Hong Kong
off the stilts he bought for a song.
and took many a fall
he wanted to be tall
who was neither short nor long
There was once a big man from Japan
Who ate his rice from a pan
He also loved fish
Which he ate from a dish
And sushi and noodles from a can
An apprentice chef from Korea
Caused his customers to get diarrhea
He made a mistake with a cake
He used a dirty garden rake
And he really had no idea !
A ping pong player from Singapore
Always battled to remember the score
He had a great serve
Which caused the ball to curve
And his opponent would fall on the floor !
A soldier from Southern Vietnam
Was part of a military scam
He crept out one night
And ran back in full flight
In search of a battering ram
There was a young lad from Libya
Who fell and fractured his tibia
There was quite a crack
When he fell on his back
While running down south in Namibia
The was once a young man from Mali
With his spar mate who was a Bengali
‘cause he would fight all day
They nicknamed him Clay
Who believed he was the great Ali
There was a young boy from Uganda
As it only liked staying on the veranda
which was really quite grim
He taught it to swim
Who’s favourite pet was a panda
There was a young girl from Sudan
And was soon the star of her clan
And lots of money she’d make
A cake she would bake
who conjured a masterful plan
There was an old man from Zim
.
On an outdoor safari
They went to Harare
Who had a friend called Jim
And saw Tim and his twin brother Wim
In far north-eastern Botswana
Lived a seamstress by the name of Jana
She would always impress
With a beautiful dress
And a matching colour bandana
Just off the coast of Morocco
Was found a rather large mako
It had swum onto ground
And never made a sound
And was found by a fisherman called Jaco
There was a thief from Gabon
Who proved to be quite a con
The locals he’d attack
And steal clothes off their back
And sell them for close to a song!
Near the great lakes of Wisconsin
And came out as clean as a pin
In Lake Michigan
He went for a swim
Lived a hillbilly named Johnson
Was a cowboy named Abe Johnson
And missed the show and the swansong!
And went totally off course
He fell off his horse
On the way to a show in Wisconsin
There was this young guy from Missouri
And ended up in front of a jury.
He drank beers through the day
It was no work and all play
Who worked in the local brewery
There was an ape from Montana
And her owners called her Joanna
She liked lots of fruits
And she also ate roots
But her favourite food was a banana
There was a bird from Kentucky
He was obviously not very lucky
And became Kentucky fried
But one day he died
Who was known to be very plucky
There was a rancher from Texas
And injured his solar plexus
When it quickly changed course
He fell off his horse
Who rode a horse called Lexus
There was a man from Dakota.
Or if it was a Ford or Toyota
Or run into the ground
Whether his car was sound
Who didn’t care an iota
A hiker from Colorado
And only drank pino-colado
Without too many smiles
He hiked twenty miles
Decided to prove his bravado
There was a Scot from Kansas
Made of plastic, nylon and canvas
So he lived in a tent
His budget was spent
Whose name was Billy St Angus
There was a young girl from Nevada
For chillies and spiced enchillada
Which put them in the mood
They both liked hot food
Who married a man called Estrada
There was a young girl called Dinah
And was the cause of a huge angina.
To eat lots of meat
She thought it a feat
Who was born in North Carolina
In far away Pennsylvania
He would send it to outer Tanzania
And he claimed to have said
He loved to make bread
Lived a baker called Alfred Dania
In the State of Oklahoma
And it gave off a fantastic aroma
Which tasted real good
He cooked some great food
A chef achieved his diploma
There was a farmer from Maine
That he went short of wheat and of grain
And there was many a day
His crops washed away
Who experienced a great deal of rain
Way down in Mississippi
And then he felt far from zippy.
Until he was finally broke
A pipe he would smoke
Lived a down and out old hippy
until she fell into a louvre
There was a dancer from Vancouver
Who proved to be quite a mover
She pranced up and down
All the streets in the town
Way down South in Arizona
And together then invented the sonar
Whose name was Tim Procter
She worked for a doctor
Lived a young nurse called Ramona
An actor from Idaho
Who was kidnapped and left in the snow.
Was to rescue a dame
His main claim to fame
Was chosen to be in a show
and eat pork with a knife and a fork
There was once a beggar in New York
Who never could find any work
He’d laze around all day
Without any pay
A pretty actress called Diana
And was forced to wear a bandana
At the back of the bed
She bumped her head
Was born in the state Lousiana
An IT student from Utah
And he needed some help from his tutor
Who said “That’s enough!!”
He went to his Prof
Managed to crash his computer
There was a horse from Wyoming
And look forward to its daily combing
Like a captive horse freed
It would trot at great speed
Who loved to go a-roaming
1 2 3
4
5
6
7
Across :
1. The man from Calcutta liked eating _ _ _ _ _ _.
5. This Sri Lanka soldier was a good_ _ _ _ dunker.
6. A boxer from _ _ _ _ , thought his name was Ali.
7. A young girl from Helsinki called_ _ _ _ _ .
Down :
1. A strongman from _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _, liked to flex his muscles.
2. A rancher from _ _ _ _ _, fell off his horse Lexus
3. An old man from _ _ _ _ , lit up his dome.
4. A volleyball player from _ _ _ _ _ _ .6. A deaf _ _ _ from Iran.
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Fun CrosswordComplete the crossword from the limerick readings in the previous chapters. Send the 3 letters (in the orange blocks), in order from top to bottom to email address [email protected], and if correct, receive a free copy of my ebook,
“Limericks from the United States of America”.
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The End
Limericks GaloreCopyright © 2009 by Peter FinlaysonAll rights reserved.
By Peter [email protected] : +27 82 4982560http://limericksgalore.blogspot.com