Life consists not in holding good cards

but in playing those you hold well.

Its all about living your life not spending it

Dr. Smaranika Tripathy

Clinical Psychologist

Colombia Asia Hospital, Kolkata

Add life to the days not days to the life…

Definition of Life Skills

Life Skills means "abilities for adaptive and positive behavior that enable individuals to deal effectively with

the demands and challenges of everyday life

Exploring Life Skills

What Skills Do I Have?Objectives

To explore the concept of life skills.

To know the life skills used by the people in

their day-today life

Exploring Life Skills

“All of us have”, “Some of us have” and

“None of us have”.

Human for the sake of getting a living forget to

live.....

Failing to Plan is Simply Planning to Fail

• Health, Family, Vacation, Hobbies/Stress Relief

• Deadlines, Workload, Overtime, Training

.To ignore or deny this balance is setting yourself for disappointment and dis-ease

• Work Career Plan - Technical, Management

You must always be training for the next level up if you wish to advance

Life is like a game of tables, the chances are not in our power, but the playing is

Communicating Skills• Listening to understand - accept, clarify,

ask, summarize• Conveying Ideas - state purpose &

intent, convey meaning & feeling clearly, check for understanding, focus discussion, summarize

• Different communication styles• Negotiated problem solving - focus on

situation, not on personalities, specific examples to substantiate, rely on behavioral language, be patient, summarize & check for understanding frequently

Dig Your well before you are thirsty

NETWORKING

• Why, with whom, what will I be able to contribute, gain?, when/where

• if you help others, they will be more likely to help you

• follow up with leads, acknowledge sources

• thank contacts • do what you promised to do• keep your antenna up

Leadership is not about position; it’s about doing

• Live & work with paradoxes• push the frontiers rather than follow• promote innovation• influence and guide• act as catalysts• champion causes• have that invisible something that

attracts followers• articulate a vision and make it happen• focus on customers

• Anticipate the future• stick your neck out• focus on the real work, not the

mundane• deal with ambiguities - can you

rationalize fuzzy data

Conflict Holds Creative Potential

• Win/Win - Conflict can be healthy when it brings out new ideas & relationships

• Win/Lose - distrust, anger, withdrawal

Conflict is Unavoidable & Common

Negotiation is primary key to resolve

Conflict & Negotiation are central parts of Organizational Life

Conflict - in everyday Life

• Intrapersonal• interpersonal• Intra group• intergroup• Intra organization• Inter organization

Handling Conflict

• Competing-assert your position w/o opposing view points

• Avoiding-stall, ignore, sense of timing

• Collaborating-fully satisfying both sides (relationship is important)

• Accommodating-forgoing (your) concerns (selfless)

• Compromising-negotiating, finding middle ground

Do Not Over Use Anyone

Office PoliticsYou have to play politics always. Remember, there is good politics &

there is bad politics.

• managing your boss• managing your peers-relations w/ coworkers trickier than managers• who are your angels?• Nobody wins unless everybody wins• Don’t just ask for opinions, change them• Everyone expects to be paid back• Success can create opposition• Don’t ignore the aftermath of success

What is your brand?

- When you have Joe’s word, you can take it to the bank- No matter when I go and what question I have, Mary has given me satisfactory answer almost all the time on this project- When you see my name on a technical document, it comes with100% guarantee - no equivocation!- When you assign testing to Kumar, good as gold.- Russ’s thought process, judgment & communication at right time has never let me down- When in doubt, I always count on Dawn for my answers- Wow, you make a great teacher/mentor/debugger .. You cannot be all things to everybody. Understand your strengths & create a positive branding of you

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff • Avoid Weatherproofing• Choose your battles wisely• Praise & blame are all the same• Do one thing at a time• Just for fun, agree with criticism directed towards you (& watch it go away)• Surrender to the fact that Life isn’t fair• Look for the extraordinary in the ordinary• Give up on the idea that More is Better

…. And it is all small stuff …..

Now, the Big Stuff Now, the Big Stuff • Differentiate & understand Headlines vs. Trendiness• Don’t Burn Your Bridges• Learn to Prioritize• “And then more” – Overachieve on expectations• Milk a cow, Don’t milk a duck• Time Management - front loading, & multi-tasking• Time Management, Relationship Management, Career Management, Anger Management• Money, Money, Money

-Power of Compounding - Save $$$$ .. Did you know ..?- good credit(student loan, buying a house) & bad credit (car, furniture, ..)

• Member of a Professional Society• Quality of Life for You and people around You• Disillusionment at Work-

too much idealism gets in the way of progress; be philosophical in approach

…… if you screw up, go back & ask:What can I do REGAIN your confidence in me?

…. And it is Big stuff …..

… and some more

01. ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY

When people accept additional responsibility they are actually giving themselves a promotion. People who don’t accept responsibility shift the blame on others. Petty minds are busy passing the buck rather than doing what needs to be done. For evils to flourish, good people have to do nothing & evil shall flourish02. CONSIDERATION Show consideration, courtesy & politeness. Thoughtfulness shows a caring attitude. 03. THINK WIN/ WINWhen we serve our family. Customers, employees etc. We must think win/ win. The result is happiness, prosperity & gratification

… and some more 04. CHOSE THE WORDS CAREFULLY: It is said that spoken words can not be retrieved. A fool speaks without thinking while a wise man thinks before speaking. The way parents speak to their children in many instances shapers their destiny. 05. DO NOT CRITICIZE & COMPLAIN: We should criticize with a spirit of helpfulness rather than as a put down. Criticize the behavior but not the person. The right to criticize comes with a desire to help. Some people are chromic complainers. If it is hot, it is too hot of it is cold. It is too cold. Everyday is a bad day. They complain even everything goes right. If the complain is done in a positive way it becomes very useful.

… and some more 06. SMILE & BE KIND: A smile costs nothing, but it creates much. It improves the face value. A smiling face is always welcome. 07. BE A GOOD LISTENER: Listen shows caring, when we show a caring attitude towards another person, that person feels important, as result he gets motivated & more receptive to your ides. Listen to the feeling, is not just words08. BE ENTHUSIASTIC: Enthusiasm inspires confidence, raise moral, builds loyality & priceless. You can feel enthusiasm the way a person talks, walks & shakes hands. 09. WHEN WE MAKE MISTAKES, ACCEPT IT: Some people live & Learn, while other live & never learn. Mistakes are to be learned from. The greatest mistake a person can make is to repeat it. When you realize your mistake, it is a good idea to accept it.

… and some more 09. GIVE HONEST & SINCERE APPRECIATION: One of the deepest desires of human beings is the desire to be appreciated. The feeling of being un wanted is hurtful. Sincere appreciation is one of the greatest gifts one can give to another person. It makes a person feel important.“The biggest disease to day is not Leprosy or tuberculosis but rather the feeling of being unwanted.”11. DO NOT ARGUE:There are some personalities that can be labeled as argumentative & that shows in their behavior & relationship. The best way to win an argument is to avoid it. An argument is one thing you will never win. If you win, you lose: if you lose, you lose. It may so happen that you can win an argument but loose a good job, customer, a friend & even marriage etc.

… and some more 12. DO NOT GOSSIP: It is a fact that people who gossip with you also gossip about you in your absence. Gossip can lead to slander defamation of character. People who listen to gossip are as guilt as those who do the gossiping. 13. BE GRATEFUL & DO NOT EXPECT GRATITUDE: Gratitude improves our personality & builds character. It is a feeling of thankfulness to words others. When people ask others to do something’s for them by using the phrase “By the way can you do this for me ? They undermine the importance of doing or not doing. I have found that if we have to do any thing for any one it is never by the way, it is always “Out of the way”

… and some more

14. BE DEPENDABLE & PRACTICE LOYALITY: “An ounce of loyalty is worth more than a pound of clearness” is Universal & eternal. If you have some one with all the ability but he is not dependable, do you want him to he part of your team. No not at all. 15. FORGIVE & FORGETWhen a person refuses to forgive, he is looking doors that some day he might need to open. It is believed that “Forgive the other person but do not forget their names. It means that you should not get cheated twice. 16. PRACTICE HUMILITYConfidence without humility is arrogance. Humility is the foundation of all virtues. It is sign of greatness.

… and some more 18 TO HAVE FRIEND, BE A FRIEND: We keep looking for the right employer, right employee, spouse, parent, child & so on. We forget that we have to be the right person too. Experience has shown that there is no perfect person, no perfect job etc. When we look for perfection, we are disappointed. A fair weathered friend is like a banker who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shinning & takes it back the minutes it rains. We must learn to recognize counterfeit relationship. True friends do not want to see their friends hurt. True friendship gives more than if gets & stands by adversity. 19. SHOW EMPATHY: The wrong we do to others & what we suffer are weighed differently. Empathy alone is a very important characteristic of a positive personality.

… and some more

20. PRACTICE COURTESY ON A DAILY BASIS: A courteous person, who is not very sharp, will go further in life than a discourteous but sharp person. It is the little things that make a big difference. Have you ever been bitten by an elephant? The most obvious answer is no. Have you ever been bitten by a mosquito? Most of us have. It is the little irritants that test patience. Courtesy is made of nothing moral than many petty scarifies. Courtesy is an offshoot of deep more behavior. It costs nothing but pays well.

When we share sorrow, it divides when we share happiness, it multiplies

All About Choices

Choosing friends

Choosing how you think/feel

interpretation of criticism/feedback (watch out for recreational critics !)

spending time

equipping yourself with occupational armor - training,

network,

nurture peer & boss relationships

choosing assignments

Make the Right Choices

The query: “At Auschwitz, tell me, where was God?”And the answer: “Where was man?”

You have a role to play in this world-a reason for being here. But it is up to you to find your

part and direct your future.You alone determine your destiny through your

own efforts. Accept this responsibility-not just for yourself, but for us all. You have the power to change your life and the lives of others as well. Don’t back away from the

exercise of this power or wait for some one else to act. Of course you can get what you want, but part of what you want should be

to help others along the way.The good life is not a passive existence where

you live and let live. It is one of involvement where you live and help live.