leading through conflict presented by barry l. davis, ms, ctc, mcdp - career coach | speaker |...
TRANSCRIPT
Leading through
Conflict
Presented by Barry L. Davis, MS, CTC, MCDP
- Career Coach | Speaker | Blogger | Minister | Marathoner
Conflict is unavoidable
. . . actually necessary, even critical to success
. . . a commitment to avoid conflict can be
catastrophiccatastrophic
Conflict is unavoidable
. . . actually necessary, even critical to success
Bay of Pigs vs. Missiles of OctoberBay of Pigs vs. Missiles of October
Role of PresidentRole of PresidentPresent at all meetings Deliberately absent at times
Role of ParticipantsRole of Participants
Advocates for particular depts. Skeptical generalists
Group NormsGroup Norms
Defer to experts, protocol Minimize status/rank
Conflict is unavoidable
. . . actually necessary, even critical to success
Bay of Pigs vs. Missiles of OctoberBay of Pigs vs. Missiles of October
Involvement of ParticipantsInvolvement of ParticipantsExtreme secrecy, top level Direct contact, various levels
Use of SubgroupsUse of Subgroups
One small group, autonomous Two subgroups, debating
Consideration of AlternativesConsideration of AlternativesNo competing plans Alternatives discussed
Institutionalized DissentInstitutionalized DissentNo “Devil’s Advocates” Two assigned this “role”
Leading through
Conflict3 Basic Approaches . . .
The DemagogueThe Demagogue
The ManagerThe Manager
The MediatorThe Mediator
Leading through
ConflictThe DemagogueThe Demagogue
•Leads through fear, threats, intimidation
•Turns opponents into scapegoats
•Uses lies and propaganda to dehumanize the Other
•Resorts to violence to dominate or destroy the Other
Leading through
ConflictThe ManagerThe Manager
•Operates on an exclusive, limited definition of “us”
•Defines purpose in terms of the self-interest of own group
•Cannot/will not deal with the issues, decisions or conflicts that cross boundaries
•Is productive and effective only on home turf
Leading through
ConflictThe MediatorThe Mediator
•Strives to act on behalf of the whole, not just a part
•Thinks systematically, committed to ongoing learning
•Builds trust through bridges across dividing lines
•Seeks innovation and opportunity to transform conflict
1. Integral Vision1. Integral Vision
Committing ourselves to holding all sides of the conflict, in all their complexity, in our minds and hearts
•Check your vision
•Don’t swap boundaries
•Watch your language
•Visit the Balcony
•Develop a mature mind
•Learn to see through walls
Mediating through Conflict – the 8 tools
2. Systems Thinking2. Systems Thinking
Identifying all (or as many as possible) of the significant elements related to the conflict and understanding the relationship between
them
•Keep it simple
•Think systematically about your role
•View from “outside of the box”
•Ask, “And then what?”
•Think twice before naming enemies
Mediating through Conflict – the 8 tools
3. Presence3. Presence
Applying all our mental, emotional, and spiritual resources to witnessing ourselves and the conflict of which we are now a part
•Find your own path
•Practice presence, even in the face of fear
•Become a reliable witness
•Pay attention to energy
•Clarify your motivation
•Promote presence at meetings
•Cultivate quiet presence
Mediating through Conflict – the 8 tools
4. Inquiry4. Inquiry
Asking questions that unlock essential information about the conflict that is vital to understanding how to transform it
•Make questions count
•Interrogation is NOT inquiry
•Lean questions toward the light
•Don’t blame, listen more deeply
•Practice especially with those you hate – and love
•Take listening tests
•Learn from Master Mediators
•Listen especially to those who have no voice
Mediating through Conflict – the 8 tools
5. Conscious Conversation5. Conscious Conversation
Developing our awareness of the full range of choices about how we speak and listen
•Go beyond Robert’s Rules
•Set ground rules beforehand
•Make rules owned by all
•Let go of “winning” arguments
•Replace abstractions with relationships
•Leave your comfort zone
Mediating through Conflict – the 8 tools
6. Dialogue6. Dialogue
Communicating in order to catalyze the human capacity for bridging and innovation
•Seek the Ripple Effect
•Uncover assumptions
•Make hidden agendas visible
•Equalize power relationships
•When necessary, add action to dialogue
•Rebuild trust when it runs low
•Challenge arrogance with dialogue
•Use respect to dissolve stereotypes
Mediating through Conflict – the 8 tools
7. Bridging7. Bridging
Building actual partnerships and alliances that cross the borders that divide an organization or community
•Build bridges one step at a time
•Bridge idealism and practicality
•Build from the middle, not just from the top
•Think like a minority
•Raise the level of the game
•Learn to bridge by doing it
•Think webs, not walls
Mediating through Conflict – the 8 tools
8. Innovation8. Innovation
Catalyze social or entrepreneurial breakthroughs that foster new options for moving through conflicts
•Don’t seek the limelight
•Practice collaboration, don’t just preach it
•Emphasis coleaders and teams, not individuals
•Fix the process as well as the problem
•Ensure fair rules
•Learn to dance
Mediating through Conflict – the 8 tools
Conflict – Affective vs. Constructive
Before
Rulesestablished in advance
Rolesclarified for each individual involved
Respectbuild mutually, considering cognitive styles
During
Reframerecast in a different light
Redescribepresent ideas, data in novel ways
Revisitbasic facts and assumptions at impasses
After
Reflectevaluate process, learn
Repairdamaged relationships and hurt feelings
Rememberand celebrate successes
Some excellent resources on the subject . . .
Leadership and Self-Deception
The Arbinger Institute, 2002
Leading Through Conflict: How Successful Leaders Transform Differences into Opportunities
Gerzon, Mark, Harvard Business School Press, 2006
Why Great Leaders Don’t Take Yes For An Answer
Roberto, Michael, A., Wharton School Publishing, 2005
The Wisdom of Crowds
Surowiecki, James, Doubleday, 2004
Leading through Conflict
Barry L. Davis, MS, CTC, MCDPGift of Self Career Services, LLC -
https://www.facebook.com/GiftofSelf
http://www.linkedin.com/in/barrydavismcdp
http://twitter.com/bl_davis
Blogs for the New Workplace: http://bdavismcdp.wordpress.com/
717.283.5760 cell