leadership from the inside out: interpersonal mastery€¦ · interpersonal skills were at the 90th...
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Leadership from the Inside Out:
Interpersonal Mastery
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• 66% of the leaders in the top quartile for possessing both Focus on Results and Interpersonal Skills were at the 90th percentile in terms of their overall leadership effectiveness.
• 13% of leaders with Focus on Results alone were in the 90th percentile.
• 9% of leaders with Interpersonal Skills alone were in the 90th percentile.
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Task vs. Relationship
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What have been your “Ten, Bob!” moments?
What are the situations that most inhibit your
authentic voice?
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“Life’s most urgent question is, ‘What are you doing for
others?’” - Martin Luther King, Jr.
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Interpersonal Mastery
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1. Criticizing2. Name-Calling3. Diagnosing4. Praising Inappropriately 5. Ordering6. Threatening7. Moralizing8. Excessive/Inappropriate Questioning9. Advising10. Diverting11. Logical Argument12. Reassuring
Barriers to Communication
Judging
Sending Solutions
Avoiding the Other’s Concerns
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Non-VerbalTone of Voice
Content
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1. Know Yourself Authentically.2. Listen Authentically3. Influence Authentically4. Appreciate Authentically5. Share Stories Authentically6. Serve Authentically
Six Points for Authentic Interpersonal Mastery
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1. Discuss and develop strategies for improving one (or more) of your more underdeveloped areas of interpersonal mastery.
OR
2. Learn and practice a specific technique for having difficult/challenging conversations (strengthening assertiveness).
Choose Your Own Adventure!
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Interpersonal Effectiveness
Staying true to yourself and your values.
Getting your objectives or goals
in a situation.
Obtaining or maintaining a good
relationship.
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Getting Your Objectives or Goals in a Situation• Obtaining your legitimate rights.• Getting someone else to do something.• Refusing an unwanted or unreasonable request.• Resolving an interpersonal conflict.• Getting your opinion or point of view taken seriously. .
Questions:1. What specific results or changes to do I want from this
interaction?2. What do I have to do to get the results?
What will work?
Objectives Effectiveness
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Obtaining or Maintaining a Good Relationship • Acting in such a way that the other person respects you.• Balancing immediate goals with the good of the
long-term relationship.
Questions:1. How do I want the other person to feel about me after the
interaction is over?2. What do I have to do to get (or keep) this relationship?
Relationship Effectiveness
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Staying True to Yourself and Your Values• Respecting your own values and beliefs; acting in a way
that is congruent with your values. • Acting in a way that makes you feel capable and
effective.• Authenticity
Questions:1. How do I want to feel about myself after the interaction is over?2. What do I have to do to feel that way about myself? What will
work?
Self-Respect Effectiveness
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D = DescribeE = ExpressA = AssertR = Reinforce
M = Mindful A = Appear ConfidentN = Negotiate
Objectives EffectivenessDEAR MAN
Broken RecordIgnore
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G = GentleI = InterestedV = ValidatingE = Empathic
Relationship EffectivenessGIVE
No AttacksNo ThreatsNo Judging
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F = FairA = Apologies (none)S = Stick to ValuesT = Truthful
Self-Respect EffectivenessFAST
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D = DescribeE = ExpressA = AssertR = Reinforce
M = Mindful A = Appear ConfidentN = Negotiate
G = GentleI = InterestedV = ValidatingE = Empathic
F = FairA = Apologies (none)S = Stick to ValuesT = Truthful
Putting It All Together
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For Next Session:• Pick ONE area of Interpersonal Mastery OR one
Barrier to Communication to focus on strengthening during the next two months.
• Be prepared to share what you did differently and how things went.
Action Items
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For Next Session:• Practice using Dear Man Give Fast in your
interactions with others – particularly the interactions that you have been avoiding, dreading, etc.
• Be prepared to share one example in which you used Dear Man Give Fast and how it went.
Action Items