keeping cool when angry – keeping control in conflict!

Keeping Cool When Angry Keeping Cool When Angry – Keeping Control in – Keeping Control in

Conflict!Conflict!

Judicial Affairs Education Session Series

Anger and other Anger and other Definitions Definitions

What is Anger?What is Anger? Anger is normal – everyone Anger is normal – everyone

gets angry from time to gets angry from time to timetime

Anger is a feeling. Anger is a feeling. Anger can affect the way Anger can affect the way

we act. we act. Anger makes us feel Anger makes us feel

emotional. emotional. Anger makes us act in Anger makes us act in

certain ways based on what certain ways based on what we have learned in the past. we have learned in the past.

Anger can be connected to Anger can be connected to other emotions, like fear, other emotions, like fear, frustration, hurt, pain, and frustration, hurt, pain, and helplessness. helplessness.

What is Anger What is Anger Management?Management?

Problem-solving Problem-solving Not being a slave to your Not being a slave to your

emotions emotions Learning to identify the Learning to identify the

source of your anger and source of your anger and respond constructively.respond constructively.

Learning how not to get Learning how not to get angry very often or for angry very often or for very long very long

Anger and other Anger and other Definitions Definitions

What are the physical effects of What are the physical effects of anger?anger?

your heart rate increases your heart rate increases your facial expressions change your facial expressions change

your face might turn red your face might turn red your breathing will change (speed up) your breathing will change (speed up)

your muscles may feel tight your muscles may feel tight you might shake or feel numb you might shake or feel numb

your voice may get louder your voice may get louder

Fight Fight

or or

FlightFlight

Causes of AngerCauses of Anger

ExternalExternal FrustrationFrustration IrritationsIrritations AbuseAbuse UnfairnessUnfairness

InternalInternal Value JudgmentsValue Judgments ExpectationsExpectations Private SpeechPrivate Speech Tension/StressTension/Stress

Have You Slept?

Have you Eaten?

When does anger become a When does anger become a problem?problem?

Too frequentToo frequent Too intenseToo intense Lasts too longLasts too long Leads to aggressionLeads to aggression Disrupts work or relationshipsDisrupts work or relationships

Getting Angry?Getting Angry? Gain and Maintain Control Gain and Maintain Control There is a symbiotic relationship There is a symbiotic relationship

between the physiological and the between the physiological and the emotional effects of Angeremotional effects of Anger

Unravel the Fight of Flight Reaction

Getting Angry?Getting Angry? Gain and Maintain Control Gain and Maintain Control Cool off and keep you coolCool off and keep you cool Stop and count to 10 before you say or do Stop and count to 10 before you say or do

anything. anything. Leave the situation and take a "time out". Leave the situation and take a "time out". Control your breathing: breathe in for 5 Control your breathing: breathe in for 5

counts through nose, exhale for 5 counts counts through nose, exhale for 5 counts through mouth (repeat 3 times.) through mouth (repeat 3 times.)

Stretch to help relax your muscles to help you Stretch to help relax your muscles to help you feel calmer. feel calmer.

Use imagery by visualizing a relaxing Use imagery by visualizing a relaxing experience. experience.

Return to the situation when you feel able to Return to the situation when you feel able to resolve things constructively. resolve things constructively.

Getting Angry?Getting Angry? Gain and Maintain Control Gain and Maintain Control Assess what’s bugging youAssess what’s bugging you Identify the source of your angerIdentify the source of your anger Once you've identified the source you're Once you've identified the source you're

more capable of managing your anger more capable of managing your anger Don’t be afraid of humility – the source Don’t be afraid of humility – the source

might involve some internal factors. might involve some internal factors. If anger is not recognized and managed If anger is not recognized and managed

it can continue to build and cause much it can continue to build and cause much distress. distress.

Getting Angry?Getting Angry? Gain and Maintain Control Gain and Maintain Control Resolve the source of your irritationResolve the source of your irritation Commit to confronting your angerCommit to confronting your anger Own your anger. It is yours to deal with. Own your anger. It is yours to deal with. Be careful not to blame others for your Be careful not to blame others for your

angeranger Determine what you can and cannot control.Determine what you can and cannot control. Try to communicate constructively.Try to communicate constructively. Write it down. It helps organize thoughts Write it down. It helps organize thoughts

and diminishes frustrations.and diminishes frustrations. Do something you like while you think things Do something you like while you think things

through.through.

Tips for Navigating a Conflict - Tips for Navigating a Conflict - Be Be in Controlin Control Manage the situation and Manage the situation and

get what you wantget what you want Remain Calm when you express your Remain Calm when you express your

concerns. Why?concerns. Why? Avoid making them defensiveAvoid making them defensive Increase the likelihood they will listenIncrease the likelihood they will listen Increase the likelihood they will remain Increase the likelihood they will remain

calm as wellcalm as well Decreases the likelihood they will Decreases the likelihood they will

misinterpret what you are sayingmisinterpret what you are saying

Tips for Navigating a Conflict - Tips for Navigating a Conflict - Be Be in Control in Control Manage the situation and get Manage the situation and get

what you wantwhat you want Be aware of your body language. Why?Be aware of your body language. Why? Body language can send messages to Body language can send messages to

others you are not aware of, can betray others you are not aware of, can betray your feelings.your feelings.


what you wantwhat you want Don’t accuse – tell them how the problem Don’t accuse – tell them how the problem

is affecting you. Why?is affecting you. Why? By sticking to how you are affected, By sticking to how you are affected,

you will avoid saying anything personal you will avoid saying anything personal about them.about them.

Will disarm them if they are defensiveWill disarm them if they are defensive It is difficult to argue with a statement It is difficult to argue with a statement

about how you are impacted. about how you are impacted.


what you wantwhat you want Stick to the Facts – Beware of the Stick to the Facts – Beware of the

Assumption trap! Why? Assumption trap! Why? Assumptions are necessary, but recognize Assumptions are necessary, but recognize

them for what they arethem for what they are Don’t confuse them with conclusionsDon’t confuse them with conclusions Most disputes/conflicts are bolstered by Most disputes/conflicts are bolstered by

erroneous assumptionserroneous assumptions


what you wantwhat you want If someone approaches you remain calm If someone approaches you remain calm

and relaxed, avoid becoming and relaxed, avoid becoming defensive. Why? defensive. Why?

So you can maintain control and So you can maintain control and deescalate themdeescalate them

To avoid the action/reaction To avoid the action/reaction escalation that so often happensescalation that so often happens


what you wantwhat you want Listen and let them know you are listening. Listen and let them know you are listening.

Why?Why? Because most likely they are making Because most likely they are making

assumptions about you assumptions about you If you can unearth the assumptions and If you can unearth the assumptions and

address them you might end the dispute.address them you might end the dispute. Because maybe you did something to affect Because maybe you did something to affect

them and don’t know itthem and don’t know itHow?How? Reframe most effective de-escalation tool Reframe most effective de-escalation tool

there is!there is! You don't have to agree, but let them know You don't have to agree, but let them know

you understand their perspective.you understand their perspective.


what you wantwhat you want If you feel yourself getting angry end it If you feel yourself getting angry end it

and talk another day. Why?and talk another day. Why? So you avoid losing control and So you avoid losing control and

falling into the escalation cycle.falling into the escalation cycle.

For more information on Anger/Anger For more information on Anger/Anger Management, or to speak to someone one-Management, or to speak to someone one-

on-one about it, visit:on-one about it, visit:

The Centre for Student The Centre for Student Development (CSD)Development (CSD)

McMaster University Student’s McMaster University Student’s CentreCentre

Room B107Room B107Phone: (905) 525-9140 ext. 24711Phone: (905) 525-9140 ext. 24711

Fax: (905) 528-3749Fax: (905) 528-3749Teletype: (905) 528-4307Teletype: (905) 528-4307Email: Email: [email protected]@mcmaster.ca

keeping cool when angry – keeping control in conflict!

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