PAGE 1 JUNGLE TALK APRIL 2009

APRIL 2009

J UNGLE TALKJ UNGLE TALK

District A-16 Region 18 Zone 18 West

Volume 08-09 Issue No.8

Markham Lions Club:

PRESIDENT:

Lion Jack McBride

88 Fincham Ave.

Markham ON L3P 4E1

(905) 294-7842

SECRETARY:

Lion Ken Drynan

53 Drakefield Road

Markham ON L3P 1G8

(905) 294-4088

TREASURER:

Lion Ken Tranter

31 Donna Lee Trail

Stouffville ON L4A 1K3

905 642-6159

BULLETIN EDITOR:

Lion Dave Galloway

66 Wootten Way North

Markham ON L3P 2Y7

(905) 294 4256

District Officers:

DISTRICT GOVERNOR

Lion Mike Springford

1645 Hwy #9, RR #2.

Newmarket ON L3Y 4V9

905 895-3039

VICE-DISTRICT

GOVERNOR:

Lion Barry Tate

12 King Street, P. O. Box 543

Fenelon Falls, ON K0M 1N0

Res.: (705) 887-5220

REGION CHAIRMAN:

Lion David Hitchen

75 Fred Varley drive

Unionville ON L3R 1S6

(647) 208-3312

ZONE CHAIRMAN:

Lion Carl Vanseader

19 Galsworthy Dr. Markham ON L3P 1S7

(905) 201-9269

PRESIDENT’S MESSAGE

As I look out my window today on April 6, and see white

stuff floating to the ground and not turning into water, I

question quite seriously if Spring is truly ―just around the

corner‖. It seems to have been a long, nasty winter or is

that my old age just catching up with me. I have never

been a big fan of winter, derived I suppose, from my early

childhood in Hamilton where the dampness and cold got

into your bones and made your fingers and toes ache for

hours (or so it seemed). My Montreal experience of seeing

it snow for 62 straight days in 1971 did little to endear me

to this frozen season either.

But enough self-doubting…. Spring must be there some-

place because Lion Jack Dawson handed out the Spring Flower sales sheets at the last

meeting and Lion Jim Wicks talked about the Pancake Breakfast and Lion Larry Tod did

18 at Rolling Hills.

Lots of things have been happening around the Club since the last report.

In March the Club played host to two district functions; the Camp Kirk Directors meet-

ing and the Joint Zone meeting. Both groups were very grateful for the way the Club wel-

comed them. Thanks to all 19 Markham Lions that attended the JZ meeting as you once

again proved that you overwhelmingly support District activities.

April 3rd was our annual Dinner Theatre night with 16 members, spouses and friends in

attendance. The group reported

that they enjoyed the evening even

if they had heard some of the jokes

before and thanked Lion

George and his committee for

their efforts.

On a windy April 4th , Lion

Ron led a contin- gency of 16 Li-

ons, spouses and friends to Oak-

ville to attend the LFC Dogguide

Open House. Sev- eral hundred lo-

cal visitors at- tended and they

all got an inside glimpse of ―one of

Oakville’s best kept secrets‖.

Every time I go there, I always learn something new about this amazing facility. This

time we saw the hearing, personal assistance and epilepsy dogs in action and their capa-

(Continued on page 9)

PAGE 2 JUNGLE TALK APRIL 2009

1 President’s Message

2 Bits and Bytes

3 The Roving Eye—Part One

4 Eyeglass Collection Locations

5 Fireworks and Tax Time

6 LCIF Annual Report

7 The Lighter Side

8 Recruiting, Mentoring and Retaining

9 President’s Message (Cont’d)

10 The Roving Eye — Part Two

11 Two Men

12 Calendar of Events/ Editorial

IN THIS ISSUE

Bits and Bytes

OAK BROOK, IL USA, and Geneva, March 27, 2009 – The Inter-

national Association of Lions Clubs (LCI) and the International

Federation of Red Cross and Red Crescent Societies (IFRC) have

joined forces in order to strengthen the essential role volunteers

play in preparing for disasters and in responding to emergencies at

the community level.

At a ceremony to mark the signing of a Memorandum of Under-

standing between the two institutions, Albert F. Brandel, president

of the International Association of Lions Clubs, said: "Lions Clubs

International and its network of 45,000 clubs in 205 countries have

long provided relief to victims of natural disasters. The Memoran-

dum between Lions Clubs International and the International Fed-

eration will further strengthen our ability to respond in time of

need, and should be viewed as mutually beneficial." ……………..

4,000,000 — The number of children from nearly 100 countries

who have participated in the Lions International Peace Poster

Contest during the last 20 years. Through their art, they have

learned to express their feelings about peace in the world.

Seniors are more likely to be targets of crime than people in any

other age group, York Regional Police said.

Most of the time, seniors are victims of fraud by telephone, on the

Internet or even in person.

Here are a few tips to help reduce your risk of being victimized by

fraud:

Home Repair/Service Call Fraud

• Ask for and check identification of anyone coming to your door;

• If you are unsure, do not let the person in;

• Call the company to ensure it has representatives in your com-

munity;

• Check references;

• Always get a second quote or estimate;

• Be wary of any company asking for money up front;

• Talk to a friend or family member or have them with you when

you are arranging services

• Do not rush your decision. Do your research and;

• Never leave anyone alone in your home

Title: Scotch Nosing

Contact: Sharon Lions Club (email: sharonlions @ rogers.com)

Details: 5th Annual Scotch Nosing

Did you know that LCI currently supports the eleven following lan-

guages: Cantonese, English, Finnish, French, German, Italian,

Japanese, Korean, Mandarin, Portuguese, Spanish, and Swedish.

PAGE 3 JUNGLE TALK APRIL 2009

THE ROVING EYE PART ONE

PAGE 4 JUNGLE TALK APRIL 2009

MARKHAM LIONS

EYEGLASS COLLECTION LOCATIONS

(Submitted by Lion Bill Hosking)

NOTE: In the mall, Pearl Vision, Sears and Lenscrafters have their own programme.

To Be Delivered to Medical Ministry International, 363 Arvin Avenue, Stoney Creek.

Take QEW, exit at Centennial Parkway, BUT do not go onto Centennial Parkway, go onto the South Service Road, travel about

4 km to Millen Road. Take Millen about 1 block, turn right onto Arvin. Number 363 is a warehouse, no name on it. Go along the

side to the back door. Enter and you will find rows of truck engines. Find someone and he/she will know what you are talking

about. They will have someone open the front door for you.

Walmart Markville Mall

M-F 10:00 am – 8:00 pm

Frames of Mind Optical Markville Mall

2nd Floor east side at entrance north of Gap

905-415-9345

Eye Right 4997 Hwy 7, South of Markville Mall

M - F 10:00 am – 6:00 pm

Markham Optometric 4997 Hwy 7, South of Markville

Mall

Onyx Optical l549 Bur Oak CLOSED Jan

08?

Dr. Lyn Kuhn 5990 Sixteenth Ave.

(North west corner 16th & Hwy 48)

Markham Vision Centre 9275 Markham Rd. (north

side of Garden Basket)

Heritage Eye Care 381 – 383 unit 6 Main St N.

(S.E. corner 16th & Hwy 48)

Dr. MacDonald 262 Main Street North

Grace Church 19 Village Parkway

Towne Optical 117 Main St. N

Dr. Walji 6633 Hwy 7 Ashgrove Medical Centre

(S.W. Corner 9th Line/Hwy 7)

M – W 12:00 - 8:00 T – F 9:30 4:00 905-

471-3937

Dr. Virgin 5873 Hwy 7

(just west of Hwy 48)

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are

seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way.

The pilot and co-pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin

walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be

blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and

left as he stumbles down the aisle. The co-pilot is using a guide dog.

Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses.

At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort

of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving,

and the airplane begins moving down the runway.

The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start

whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses

for reassurance.

Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking.

Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to

the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysteri-

cal.

When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sud-

den change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once. At

the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne.

Up in the cockpit, the co-pilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot:

"You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and

we aren't going to know when to take off!"

Lion Bill Hosking presents a Certificate of Apprecia-

tion to Christine Pafomow of Town Optical

PAGE 5 JUNGLE TALK APRIL 2009

Editor’s Note: The following is from

Wikipedia the on-line encyclopaedia and

may be of interest.

A firework is classified as a low ex-

plosive pyrotechnic device used pri-

marily for aesthetic and entertain-

ment purposes. The most common

use of a firework is as part of a fire-

works display. A fireworks event

(also called a fireworks show or

pyrotechnics) is a display of the

effects produced by firework devices.

Fireworks competitions are also

regularly held at a number of places.

Fireworks (devices) take many forms

to produce the four primary effects:

noise, light, smoke, and floating mate-

rials (confetti for example). They may

be designed to burn with colored

flames and sparks. Displays are com-

mon throughout the world and are

the focal point of many cultural and

religious celebrations.

Fireworks were originally invented in

ancient China in the 12th century to

scare away evil spirits, as a natural

extension of the Chinese invention of

gunpowder. Such important events

and festivities as Chinese New Year

and the Mid-Autumn Moon Festival

were and still are times when fire-

works are guaranteed sights. China is

the largest manufacturer and ex-

porter of fireworks in the world.

Fireworks are generally classified as

to where they perform, either as a

ground or aerial firework. In the lat-

ter case they may provide their own

propulsion (skyrocket) or be shot

into the air by a mortar (aerial shell).

The most common feature of fire-

works is a paper or pasteboard tube

or casing filled with the combustible

material, often pyrotechnic stars. A

number of these tubes or cases are

often combined so as to make, when

kindled, a great variety of sparkling

shapes, often variously colored. The

skyrocket is a common form of fire-

work, although the first skyrockets

were used in war. The aerial shell,

however, is the backbone of today's

commercial aerial display, and a

smaller version for consumer use is

known as the festival ball in the

United States. Such rocket technol-

ogy has also been used for the deliv-

ery of mail by rocket and is used as

propulsion for most model rockets.

FIREWORKS AND TAX TIME

Some people think the government owes them

a living. The rest of us would gladly settle for a

small refund.

Whomever said that truth never hurts

never had to fill out a T1 General.

There are two types of people who complain

about paying their income tax. Men and

women.

A lot of people still have the first dollar they

ever made. The government has the rest.

Isn't it appropriate that the month when the

taxes are due begins with April Fool's Day and

ends with cries of "May Day!"?

A man, called to testify at the IRS, asked his

accountant for advice on what to wear.

"Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him

think you are a pauper."

Then he asked his lawyer the same ques-

tion, but got the opposite advice. "Do not

let them intimidate you. Wear your most

elegant suit and tie.

Confused, the man went to his rabbi, told

him of the conflicting advice, and requested

some resolution of the dilemma.

"Let me tell you a story," replied the rabbi.

"A woman, about to be married, asked her

mother what to wear on her wedding night.

'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that

goes right up to your neck.' But when she

asked her best friend, she got conflicting

advice: 'Wear your most sexy negligee, with

a V neck right down to your navel.

The man protested, "What does all this

have to do with my problem with the IRS?"

"No matter what you wear, you are

going to get screwed."

PAGE 6 JUNGLE TALK APRIL 2009

RECRUITING, MENTORING AND RETAINING

On page 8

PAGE 7 JUNGLE TALK APRIL 2009

THE LIGHTER SIDE

Two young boys were discussing their

ailments together in the children's ward.

"Are you medical or surgical?" asked the

first, who had been in the ward for a

week.

"I don't know what you mean," replied

the second.

"It's simple," replied the first. "Were you

sick when you came in here? Or did they

make you sick when you got here?"

Dog looks at human and thinks:

"My hero, my friend, my buddy."

Cat looks at human and thinks:

"My can-opener."

A rather awkward freshman finally got

up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a

dance at the homecoming.

She gave him the once-over and said,

"Sorry, I won't dance with a child."

"Please forgive me," responded the un-

derclassman. "I didn't realize you were

pregnant."

The happy couple were being inter-

viewed on their Golden Wedding

Anniversary. The society reporter

asked, "In all that time, did you ever

consider a divorce?"

"Oh, no, not divorce, we're too old

fashioned for that," the husband re-

plied.

"Murder sometimes," the wife offered

"but never divorce."

Nancy, a city girl, married a farmer. One

morning, before the farmer went out to

the field, he said, "Honey, today the

artificial insemination man is coming

over to impregnate one of the cows. I

put a nail in a two-by-four over the stall.

Please show him which one it is."

When he arrived, Nancy led him down

the row of stalls until she saw the nail.

She pointed to the stall and he asked

her, "Are you sure?"

"It's the one with the nail," said Nancy.

"What's the nail for?" asked the man.

"I guess it's to hang your pants on," re-

plied Nancy.

Two elderly women were out driving

in a large car-both could barely see

over the dashboard. As they were

cruising along they came to an inter-

section. The stoplight was red but

they just went on through.

The passenger turned to the other

woman and said, "Mildred! Did you

know we just ran a red lights! You

could have killed us!"

Mildred turned to her and said "Oh,

am I driving?"

Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away

with stealing several paintings from the

Louvre. However, after planning the

crime, getting in and out past security,

he was captured only 2 blocks away

when his van ran out of gas.

When asked how he could mastermind

such a daring and otherwise brilliant

crime and then make such an obvious

error...

... He replied: "I 'ad no Monet to buy

Degas to make de Van Gogh."...

A couple drove several miles down a

country road, not saying a word. An

earlier discussion had led to an argu-

ment, and neither wanted to concede

their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules

and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked,

"Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."

A couple just started their Lamaze class

and they were given an activity requiring

the husband to wear a bag of sand - to

give him an idea of what it feels like to

be pregnant. The husband stood up and

shrugged saying, "This doesn't feel so

bad."

The instructor then dropped a pen and

asked the husband to pick it up.

"You want me to pick up the pen as if I

were pregnant, the way my wife would

do it?" the husband asked.

"Exactly," replied the instructor.

To the delight of the other husbands, he

turned to his wife and said, "Honey, pick

up that pen for me."

A boy was watching his father, a pas-

tor, write a sermon. "How do you

know what to say?" he asked.

"God tells me."

"Oh, then why do you keep crossing

things out?"

In Africa, some of the native tribes have

a custom of beating the ground with

clubs and uttering spine chilling cries.

Anthropologists call this a form of primi-

tive self-expression.....

In Markham we call it golf.

PAGE 8 JUNGLE TALK APRIL 2009

RECRUITING, MENTORING AND RETAINING

Cont’d from page 6

PAGE 9 JUNGLE TALK APRIL 2009

PRESIDENT’S MESSAGE/ YOUR HEALTH

bilities are a living tribute to the outstanding dedication of the dog-training staff. While there, we took

the opportunity to present a cheque for $6,000 to Julie Jelenek, Manager of Development and Commu-

nications. Ms. Jelenek thanked the Markham Lions for their continuing, outstanding support of the

facility’s efforts and invited us back to see our sponsored dog graduate.

It’s onward into Spring with a kick-off in Oshawa at the A-16 Convention on April 17. Convention

Chair George tell us that there will be 17 members and 8 spouses/friends attending this year and we

are looking forward to having a great time socializing with the many Lions in our District. On Sunday,

Lion David will hopefully be elected to 1st Vice District Governor and we wish him all the best in the

election. Lion David sends along his per-

sonal thanks to all the Markham Lions

that supported him by accompanying

him on his campaign around the District.

Speaking about thanks, the Mark-

ham Food Bank ap- preciates all the ef-

forts of the 17 Lions that have donated

their time to this community effort in

the last two weeks. With a little over

one week to go, it ap- pears that we will

hit close to 100 hours of community ser-

vice. The Club’s re- sponse is truly re-

markable and shows that we really care

about our disadvan- taged citizens.

This years Flower Sales and Fireworks Sales could be tough sledding in this down-economy. With this

in mind, the Communications Committee thought it to be appropriate to publicly thank Markham in a

newspaper ad for their past support and also remind them that we can help the community only

through their continued support. The ad will appear twice in the Economist and Sun and was funded

through this Committee’s budget.

Flower Sales will need an extra effort this year on the part of all members so get out early and often.

Don’t rely on your old standbys; they may let you down. Tackle new neighbourhoods and ask for their

business. You will hear many ―no’s‖ but when you get an order, it makes it all worthwhile. Good luck

and let’s prove that we can set a new record high in a down-year.

Until next month,

Yours in Lionism,

Lion President Jack

(Continued from page 1)

A young couple on the brink of di-

vorce visit a marriage counsellor. The

counsellor asks the wife what is the

problem.

She responds " My husband suffers

from premature ejaculation."

The counsellor turns to her husband

and inquires "Is that true?"

The husband replies "Well not exactly,

it's her that suffers not me."

PAGE 10 JUNGLE TALK APRIL 2009

THE ROVING EYE PART TWO

PAGE 11 JUNGLE TALK APRIL 2009

TWO MEN

(Submitted by RC Lion David Hitchen)

It will take just 40 seconds to read

this and change your thinking.

....sometimes I wonder ...Which

man am I ?

Two men, both seriously ill,

occupied the same hospital

room.

One man was allowed to sit up

in his bed for an hour each af-

ternoon to help drain the fluid

from his lungs. His bed was

next to the room's only win-

dow. The other man had to

spend all his time flat on his

back. The men talked for hours

on end. They spoke of their

wives and families, their homes,

their jobs, their involvement in

the military service, where they

had been on vacation.

Every afternoon, when the man

in the bed by the window could

sit up, he would pass the time

by describing to his roommate

all the things he could see out-

side the window.

The man in the other bed began

to live for those one-hour peri-

ods where his world would be

broadened and enlivened by all

the activity and color of the

world outside.

The window overlooked a park

with a lovely lake. Ducks and

swans played on the water while

children sailed their model

boats. Young lovers walked arm

in arm amidst flowers of every

color and a fine view of the city

skyline could be seen in the dis-

tance.

As the man by the window de-

scribed all this in exquisite de-

tails, the man on the other side

of the room would close his

eyes and imagine this pictur-

esque scene.

One warm afternoon, the man

by the window described a pa-

rade passing by. Although the

other man could not hear the

band - he could see it in his mind's eye as the gentleman by

the window portrayed it with

descriptive words.

Days, weeks and months passed.

One morning, the day nurse ar-

rived to bring water for their

baths only to find the lifeless

body of the man by the window,

who had died peacefully in his

sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to

take the body away.

As soon as it seemed appropri-

ate, the other man asked if he

could be moved next to the

window. The nurse was happy

to make the switch, and after

making sure he was comfort-

able, she left him alone.

Slowly, painfully, he propped

himself up on one elbow to take

his first look at the real world

outside. He slowly strained to

turn to look out the window

besides the bed.

It faced a blank wall.

The man asked the nurse what

could have compelled his de-

ceased roommate who had de-

scribed such wonderful things

outside this window. The nurse

responded that the man was

blind and could not even see the

wall.

She said, 'Perhaps he just

wanted to encourage you.'

Epilogue:

There is tremendous happiness

in making others happy, despite

our own situations. Shared grief

is half the sorrow, but happiness

when shared, is doubled. If you

want to feel rich, just count all

the things you have that money

can't buy.

Today is a gift, that is why it is

called

―The Present.‖

PAGE 12 JUNGLE TALK APRIL 2009

It is hard to

believe the

Masters has

come and

gone —

spring is

here and

the golf

courses are open.

I’ve always thought the Mas-

ters with the Azaleas and ap-

ple blossom background really

marked spring. For me it is

time to work on the lawns

and get the golf clubs ready.

It also means, of course, that

it is time for spring plant

sales. With a new computer

and new software it may well

be time for me to pray that

my flower data base works

correctly as well. It appears

to but it needs a tougher test

which all the sales you make

will give it.

It gets an early test in that

there are extra plant colours

etc this year.

I got started on this because

of an interest in the power of

databases. At the office we

were building large ones using

consultants and some smaller

ones ourselves. You see their

use on many TV shows these

days — the ability to deter-

mine some fact from a search

of several million records in

seconds. It seems to me a bit

overdone but not a lot.

International has worked on

these Lions as well — each

clubs puts in their member-

ship information, for example,

and then it can be sorted by

Zone, Region, District, multi-

ple District etc.. It can be

sorted many other ways as

well, members age, national-

ity, sex etc..

They also have an activity re-

port which can be interro-

gated to determine how much

is donated to given groupings

such as vision, hearing, Quest

etc.

There are always a few bugs

in new systems but these

have worked very well I be-

lieve. One problem I did see

last year was that Mandy put

the club officer information in

the database but it didn’t

seem to get to the District. It

was necessary to inform them

separately, when we found

Lion Mandy was still listed as

Secretary.

Nevertheless it is a great im-

provement over the manual

systems such as Lion Grant

(and Eleanor) did for the first

few years of plant sales.

Three Month Calendar

7--General Meeting

Grace Anglican

4--General Meeting

Heritage United

Elections

4-- Annual Picnic

14--Board of Director’s

Police Station

4 to 7--MDA Convention

North Bay

7-- 10 International

Convention, Minnesota

21--General Meeting

St. Andrew’s United

11--Board of Director’s

Police Station

9 -- Board of Director’s

Police Station

18--General Meeting

St. Andrew’s Presbyterian

Ladies and Installation Night

MAY JUNE JULY