joshua quinn - ascension

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Copyright © 2006 by Joshua Quinn. All rights reserved.

Prepared for John [email protected]

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EFFECT You announce that you'd like to put your intuitive skills to a real, measurable test. In order to do that, you explain, you need some sort of benchmark to compare them against. There are various items that could serve this purpose, from tarot cards to personality tests. But because you like to set the bar high, you've chosen the divinatory tool which, throughout the history of esoteric practice, has generally been regarded as the most trusted source of metaphysical wisdom and insight into the human condition: a horoscope mini-magazine, direct from the supermarket checkout counter.

You give such a magazine to a volunteer, pointing out that it deals with four distinct areas of life: love, money, health, and leisure. You then turn your back and ask her to look up her horoscope -- either for the current month (if it's far along enough to get a good sense of how it's turning out), or for the previous month (if it's too soon to tell how this month is going yet). In either case, she silently reads her horoscope. When she's finished, you ask her to consider how accurate it seems in hindsight. She does, and arrives at a "percentage score" for the magazine's accuracy, which you write down. No matter what it is, you say you think you can do better.

You then turn to face the volunteer again, and proceed to give her a disarmingly accurate and insightful description of her personality and her current situation in life. You relay a wealth of specific information that you had no way of knowing, including personal details about her character, actions, and circumstances. You then wrap things up by revealing her zodiac sign. With that, not only have you done better than the magazine, but you've given the volunteer an intimate, inexplicable experience that she'll never forget.


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METHOD There are 10 types of mentalists in the world: those who will get the crux of the method from this statement, and those who won't... The participant and the rest of the audience believe that every horoscope in the magazine deals with the same four categories. This is almost, but not quite, true; they all deal with the same four general topics, but there are variations in the actual names of the categories. As a result, each sign has its own unique combination of category names. Therefore, when the participant says the names of the categories in her horoscope (while assessing its accuracy), she unknowingly reveals which sign she's looking at. Once you know her sign, you know what her horoscope says. And by comparing what it says with how accurate she deems each part of it to be, you get a very good idea of what kind of month she's having – and by extension, what kind of person she is. DETERMINING THE SIGN Each of the four categories can have one of two possible names, as follows: • The first will be either Love or Romance. • The second will be either Finance or Money. • The third will be either Health or Wellness. • The fourth will be either Leisure or Recreation. While introducing the proceedings, you'll describe each category in a way that will seem congruent with either of its possible names. (More on this later.) To get the information you need, all you have to do is get the participant to say the names of each of the four


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categories she's looking at. I'll discuss various presentational angles for this later, but for explanatory purposes, the simplest way is to ask her to "go through and rate each of those categories based on how accurate they turned out to be. On a scale of one to five, with five being very accurate, three being so-so, and one being not even close, how would you rate each area?" Then openly write down her responses, ostensibly to create a kind of "score sheet" against which you can later compare your own performance. Something like this: Love - 3 Finance - 5 Wellness - 2 Leisure - 1 Once you have the category names, checking them against the following key will tell you her sign: Love, Finance, Health, Leisure – Aries Love, Finance, Health, Recreation – Taurus Love, Finance, Wellness, Leisure – Gemini Love, Finance, Wellness, Recreation – Cancer Love, Money, Health, Leisure – Leo Love, Money, Health, Recreation – Virgo Love, Money, Wellness, Leisure – Libra Love, Money, Wellness, Recreation – Scorpio Romance, Money, Health, Leisure – Sagittarius Romance, Money, Health, Recreation – Capricorn Romance, Money, Wellness, Leisure – Aquarius Romance, Money, Wellness, Recreation – Pisces So in the above example, the participant would be a Gemini. You could memorize all that, but since you're writing things down anyway, there's no reason not to keep the key


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on a crib sheet. You’ll probably want to save space by using abbreviations rather than whole words, i.e. “LFHL – Ari” rather than “Love, Finance, Health, Leisure – Aries.” Samples are provided a bit later. DETERMINING WHAT THE HOROSCOPE SAYS Once you know the participant's sign, figuring out what her horoscope says is simple. But before I explain it, I first need to talk briefly about the layout of the magazines. As you can see, there are four of them – one for each season. You'll only use one at any given time, and the working is the same for all of them. The point to remember for now is that each magazine contains three months' worth of horoscopes. The spring magazine contains the months March, April, and May; summer contains June, July, and August, etc. Now, with that out of the way, here's how you learn what the horoscope says. While all the forecasts in the various categories are different, they can all be summed up in one of two sentences: either, "This area of your life will be good," or, "This area of your life will be bad." Of course they all say those things in different ways, and they have some platitudinous advice thrown in to flesh them out, but they all boil down to one of those two sentiments. The distribution of good and bad categories is different for each sign and each month. There are two ways to determine which categories are good and which are bad in your participant's horoscope: work it out in your head, or get it from the crib sheet. First I'll explain how to do it mentally, then how to encode it on the crib. The letters in the name of the participant’s sign (Pisces or Virgo or whatever) will tell you whether each category is good or bad. You'll look at four consecutive letters, each corresponding to a different category. So you'll start with a


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certain letter, and it will tell you about the Love/Romance category. The next letter will tell you about the Finance/Money category, and so on. The simple rule is: Early = good; Late = bad. What that means is, if a letter is in the first half of the alphabet (A through M), the category that corresponds to it is good. If a letter is in the latter half of the alphabet (N through Z), the category that corresponds to it is bad. Now all that's left is to determine which letter you'll start with, which depends on what month you have your participant looking at. If she's looking at the first month in the magazine (March for spring, June for summer, etc.), you start with the first letter in the sign. If she's looking at the second month, you start with the second letter, and if it's the third month, you start with the third letter. If that sounds complicated, this example should clear it up. Suppose the participant is a Pisces, and you're using the fall magazine, which deals with September, October, and November. If she's looking at the September horoscope, that's the first month, so you use the first four letters: PISC. So, P is late, which means the Romance reading is bad; I is early, so the Money reading is good; S is late, so the Wellness reading is bad; and C is early, so the Recreation reading is good. Pretty straightforward. Now suppose she's looking at October, the second month. In that case, you start with the second letter, the I. So your key letters are ISCE. I is early, so the Romance reading is good; S is late, so Money is bad; C is early, so Wellness is good; and E is early, so Recreation is good. Finally, if she's looking at November (the third month), you start with the third letter, so the letters are SCES. S is late, so Love is bad; C is early, so Romance is good; E is early,


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so Wellness is good; and S is late, so Recreation is bad. The only snag in this system is that with the shorter sign names, occasionally you'll run out of letters. When that happens, start again at the beginning. Take, for example, Virgo. For the first month, you'll use VIRG. Second month, IRGO. But with the third month, you'll use R, G, O, and then start over with the V, so the sequence is RGOV. Since Leo is only three letters long, you'll do this every time. The first month will use LEOL; the second, EOLE; and the third, OLEO. If all this seems hopelessly confusing, you can rejoice in the fact that you can put it on your crib sheet and never have to think about it again. And even when you understand it, the danger of messing up the steps in the heat of performance is a real one, so including the info on your crib sheet is probably not a bad idea anyway. There are two ways to notate the information, depending on your preference for convenience versus foolproof-ness. The more foolproof way is to make three separate crib sheets – one for the first months, one for the second months, and one for the third months – and use whichever one goes with the month you're dealing with at the time. This gives you all the information you need, and none that you don't. (In other words, assuming you have the right crib sheet, there's nothing to mess up.) The more convenient way is to have a single crib sheet with three separate good/bad columns – one for each set of months. This gives you only one sheet to keep track of, but creates the opportunity for error if you look at the wrong column. On the following pages are some sample crib sheets – individual ones for the first, second, and third months, and then one that combines all three.


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First months (March, June, September, December): L F H L – Ari – GBGG L F H R – Tau – BGBB L F W L – Gem – GGGG L F W R – Can – GGBG L M H L – Leo – GGBG L M H R – Vir – BGBG L M W L – Lib – GGGB L M W R – Sco – BGBB R M H L – Sag – BGGG R M H R – Cap – GGBB R M W L – Aqu – GBBG R M W R – Pis – BGBG Second months (January, April, July, October): L F H L – Ari – BGGB L F H R – Tau – GBBB L F W L – Gem – GGGB L F W R – Can – GBGG L M H L – Leo – GBGG L M H R – Vir – GBGB L M W L – Lib – GGBG L M W R – Sco – GBBB R M H L – Sag – GGGB R M H R – Cap – GBBG R M W L – Aqu – BBGB R M W R – Pis – GBGG


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Third months (February, May, August, November): L F H L – Ari – GGBG L F H R – Tau – BBBB L F W L – Gem – GGBG L F W R – Can – BGGB L M H L – Leo – BGGB L M H R – Vir – BGBB L M W L – Lib – GBGG L M W R – Sco – BBBG R M H L – Sag – GGBB R M H R – Cap – BBGG R M W L – Aqu – BGBG R M W R – Pis – BGGB Combined: 1st: 2nd: 3rd: L F H L – ARI – GBGG, BGGB, GGBG L F H R – TAU – BGBB, GBBB, BBBB L F W L – GEM – GGGG, GGGB, GGBG L F W R – CAN – GGBG, GBGG, BGGB L M H L – LEO – GGBG, GBGG, BGGB L M H R – VIR – BGBG, GBGB, BGBB L M W L – LIB – GGGB, GGBG, GBGG L M W R – SCO – BGBB, GBBB, BBBG R M H L – SAG – BGGG, GGGB, GGBB R M H R – CAP – GGBB, GBBG, BBGG R M W L – AQU – GBBG, BBGB, BGBG R M W R – PIS – BGBG, GBGG, BGGB This last one, incidentally, is how the crib sheet on the back cover of the magazines is set up. (Did I mention there was a crib sheet on the back of the magazines? More on that later.)


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LEARNING DETAILS ABOUT THE PARTICIPANT In practice, the process that has just taken me four pages to explain requires about two seconds to execute, after which you have a great deal of useful information. Not only do you know the participant's sign, but you know whether all four of the magazine's forecasts were good or bad. Furthermore, you know how accurate each of those forecasts turned out to be, because she's just told you and you've written it down. From there it's a short leap to determine what kind of month your participant is having in each area. For example, assume her Love forecast was good. If she rated it as very accurate, then obviously her love life is going quite well. If she rated it as somewhat accurate, things in the romance department are probably just okay – neither stellar nor awful. If she rated it as not at all accurate, then chances are that either there's simply nothing happening, or else someone is sleeping on the couch. And of course if the forecast was bad, you simply apply the same logic in reverse. Do that with all four categories, and you'll have a lot of information. Combine those pieces of information together to see what else you can infer from them, and you'll know more about the participant than you would be likely to learn at a job interview, first date, or reality show audition – all from just a few words. Once you've got the information, turning it into a compelling presentation is then up to your own performance skill and showmanship. Cold reading abilities will obviously help augment what you already know, but even if you have no experience in that area, you still know enough to give an uncannily accurate and impossible-seeming reading. Even if you did nothing but feed back the bare bones information ("Your love life was so-so, and your finances sucked. But your health was great, and your leisure time was pretty decent. Oh, and you're an Aries."), you would at least get credit for having some measure of


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intuitive insight, along with being a wretched performer and generally horrid person. At first read this might seem like a lot to keep track of, but in practice it's quick and straightforward and requires very little in the way of memory. To see what I mean, follow me through... A HYPOTHETICAL EXAMPLE From the top: You go through your spiel, get a volunteer, give her the magazine, have her read her horoscope, and ask her to rate the categories. She does, and you write down what she says. Suppose she rates them as follows: Love - 4 Money - 5 Health - 1 Recreation - 2 You check the names against your crib sheet, and find "LMHR – Vir – BGBG." This tells you that she's a Virgo, and that her categories are in "bad, good, bad, good" order. In other words, Love is bad, Money is good, Health is bad, and Recreation is good. Now you compare those against her accuracy ratings to arrive at some tentative conclusions. Her Love forecast was bad and she gave it a 4 out of 5 for accuracy, so things probably haven't been up to par in the romance department. Her good Money forecast was spot-on with a 5, meaning she's probably having quite a lucrative month. Her bad Health forecast was way off with a 1, meaning she's probably feeling fine with no medical problems. And her good Recreation forecast only rated a 2, so she probably doesn't have a lot of free time at the moment and isn't getting to have much fun.


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By putting these pieces together, you can start to form a fairly complete picture. You have someone who's doing well financially and is in good health, but lacks free time and doesn't have a particularly stellar love life at the moment. It's a reasonable guess that her job takes up most of her time, leaving little leftover for herself or for a relationship. Someone in this situation is probably smart, capable and motivated, but may tend to bite off more than she can chew. And remember, you've gotten this much without any feedback from her at all. By starting from this point and using whatever cold reading skills you've acquired – observing her appearance and her verbal and non-verbal reactions, employing a bit of linguistic chicanery, etc.1 – you may be able to glean a good deal more, such as: whether she enjoys devoting so much time to making money, or would prefer a change; whether her unsatisfying love life is due to a lack of relationships, or a relationship that's not going well; and whether her health is good most of the time, or is sometimes adversely effected by being constantly on the go, etc. For the kicker, wrap things up with some inspiring and complimentary observations, and proclaim that it all bears the mark of a Virgo. With that, you've just told her more about herself than anyone could possibly know unless they were psychic (right?). Wait for her reaction, then finish by referring back to the ratings card, and asking if you were more accurate than the magazine. Obviously you should 1 Details of these and other cold reading techniques are beyond the scope of this manuscript. If you’re new to cold reading, there are many resources available to help you learn – and just about as many opinions as to which one is the best place to start. Rather than give you my opinion, I'll recommend you look at Doug Dyment's cold reading resource web page at http://www.deceptionary.com/aboutreading.html. It provides a comprehensive list of print, audio and video publications, with helpful commentaries and availability information for each title.


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get not just a yes, but hopefully a spontaneous, gushing rave about your piercing insight and astonishing sense of intuition. DESCRIBING THE CATEGORIES The only real swindle this effect requires is to subtly convey the false impression that all the signs deal with the same four categories. This deception has to be perpetrated on the participant, who's actually looking at the magazine, and on the audience, who will never see the magazine up close but will hear the categories as she announces them. This is accomplished through the use of subtly ambiguous language. In a nutshell, you'll describe each category with a statement that includes both of its possible names, but uses them in such a way that each one could be perceived either as a label or as a descriptor. Your participant will then resolve the ambiguity about which is which according to her own expectations. In other words, the word that she expects to be the category name (because she's looking at it in the magazine) will come across as the category name, and the other word will come across as a descriptor. Here is the script I use: "Each horoscope is divided into four different sections. The first one tells you about your love life – romance, how you'll fare in matters of the heart. Then there's the financial category, how you'll do with money. The next one deals with your health, or 'wellness' as some people insist on calling it these days. And finally there's the recreational category, your leisure time, and how much of it you'll have to enjoy." Of course you can and should adjust this to fit your own speech. But to do so, you need to understand exactly how each statement works. Therefore, at the risk of driving the point into the ground, I'm going to go through them


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individually and break down how the different interpretations are elicited. "The first one tells you about your love life – romance, how you'll fare in matters of the heart." If your participant hears this statement and sees that the category is Love, it sounds congruent because that's the first thing you said: "The first one tells you about your Love life." The rest of the sentence is then perceived merely as further elaboration. The statement could be paraphrased as, "The first one is Love category. It deals with romance and how you'll fare in matters of the heart." But if the category is Romance, it's also congruent, but in a different way. In that case, when she hears, "the first one tells you about your love life," she interprets that as a description of the category rather than a label for it. The label comes next, with the word, “Romance,” and again the rest is further elaboration. It would be paraphrased as, "The first one tells you about your love life. It's the Romance category. It tells you how you'll fare in matters of the heart." "Then there's the financial category, how you'll do with money." If the category is Finance, the first part of the sentence seems to confirm it because, in this context, there's no significant difference between the words "finance" and "financial." The paraphrase would be, "Then there's the Finance category. It tells you how you'll do with money." But if the category is Money, again the first part seems like a description leading up to the actual name: "Then there's the financial category, which tells you how you'll do with Money." "The next one deals with your health, or 'wellness' as some people insist on calling it these days." This one works slightly differently. If the category is Health, then the first part is obviously stating what the category is, and the rest is just a slightly humorous but essentially meaningless quip. Paraphrased, it's, "The next one is Health, even though


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some people insist on calling health 'wellness' these days." But if it's Wellness, then you're pre-defining the term before you say it by name. "The next one deals with something that most people call health, but that some, including the magazine, insist on calling Wellness." "And finally there's the recreational category, your leisure time, and how much of it you'll have to enjoy." This one is functionally the same as the Finance/Money statement. But note that their placement relative to each other is no accident; they're the two most similar statements, so they're separated by the one that's the most unlike the others. If I'm doing this effect one-on-one or with a small group in an intimate setting, I'll deliver the above spiel to the participant just after she turns to the proper page in the magazine. Then while she reads her horoscope, I'll either simply remain quiet, or else improvise something else to say to the rest of the audience to fill time while she reads. But in a parlor or stage context, I'll deliver the spiel to the audience while the participant reads, prefaced with something like, "While she's reading, let me tell you about how the horoscopes are organized in this particular magazine." In either case, what I say while she's reading is delivered in a softer-than-normal voice bordering on a stage whisper. This lets her know, without actually saying so, that what I'm saying at the moment isn't directed at her and isn't important to her, so she shouldn't let it distract her from what she's reading. PRESENTATION AND HANDLING OPTIONS Ascension is flexible enough to be presented in just about any way you like – straight or humorous, light or serious, onstage or one-on-one or anywhere in between. If you're the sort of performer who wishes to perpetuate the belief that people’s aptitudes, tastes, and compatibilities really are


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affected by miniscule fluctuations in the position of our little chunk of cosmic rock relative to some unimaginably distant balls of burning gas at the arbitrary moment we emerge from the womb, Ascension can help you do so. If you'd prefer to illustrate the unlikelihood of such a notion, it can help you do that as well. Or if you don't care to project a stance on the matter either way and simply wish to use it as a strong piece of mentalism, that's an equally viable option. The one thing your presentation must do is justify the presence and use of the magazine. There are various ways of going about this. My own approach is with the rather tongue-in-cheek but faux-serious premise outlined in the effect description. The bit about using “the divinatory tool which, throughout the history of esoteric practice, has generally been regarded as the single most trusted source of metaphysical wisdom and insight into the human condition: the venerable horoscope mini-magazine, direct from the supermarket checkout counter,” is straight out of my real-life script. But you could just as easily set up the effect as a serious demonstration of the difference between “junk” readings (the magazine) and the “real” stuff (your own technique or system, whatever it may be). Or if astrology is your hook, you can demonstrate the difference between bad astrology (generic magazine/newspaper horoscopes) and good astrology (the kind of detailed, personalized reading you can provide). Now that you understand what happens in the effect, here’s the handling I use in real life. In the magazines, each category has a small graphic symbol next to it: a heart for Love/Romance, a dollar sign for Finance/Money, a stick person in a kind of dancing pose for Health/Wellness (which was the most common image I found when I Googled "health logo"), and a smiley face for Leisure/Recreation. As I describe the categories, I draw the corresponding symbols in a vertical column on the paper


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that will become the score sheet. This serves a couple of useful psychological purposes. First, it helps the audience keep track of what I’m saying. Second, it subtly reinforces the idea that I’ve told them what the four categories are, and have put them in writing. (The beauty is that by writing a symbol rather than a word, I’ve reinforced the concept without tying it to a specific term.) Then when the participant rates the categories, I simply write each number next to its corresponding symbol. However, I write the number in a way that will remind me which category name she used. To do this, I think of each pair of names in terms of their alphabetical order, so each name is either first or last alphabetically. (Love is first, Romance is last. Finance is first, Money is last, and so on.) Then when she says the categories, if she calls one by its first name, I make a small ink blotch or tick mark at the beginning of the number as I write it; if she calls it by its last name, I make a mark at the end of the number. That way if I forget what she called the categories, I can remind myself by looking at the formation of the numbers. The numbers below indicate “first, first, last, last,” which translates into “Love, Finance, Wellness, Recreation.”


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Doing it this way also has the advantage that if someone later looks at the sheet while flipping through the magazine, the sheet is less likely to give the game away. I should also note that when I ask the participant to rate the categories, I do it much more conversationally than described earlier. Typically it goes something like this: “Now, out of the four categories in the horoscope, which one would you say was the most accurate? Look at them again if you don’t remember… Wellness? So if you were going to rate it on a scale of 1 to 5, with 5 being really accurate, 3 being so-so, and 1 being not even close, what would you give it? A 4? So not dead on, but pretty close. [At this point I write a 4 with a tick mark at the end next to the appropriate symbol.] Okay, now look at the categories again, and tell me which one was the least accurate? Finance? Okay, and on a scale of 1 to 5, what would you give it? A 1? So it wasn’t even in the ballpark. [I write a 1 with a tick mark at the beginning.] And I guess the two other categories were kind of in the middle, but what order would you put them in as far as which was more accurate than the other? Recreation was better than Love? So what kind of number ratings would you give them?” I write the appropriate numbers with the appropriate tick marks in the appropriate places. Then I add all the numbers up and turn the total into a percentage – the above example would be 12 out of 20, or 60% – which becomes the number I focus on “beating.” This draws attention away from the individual number ratings. Points to notice: asking specific questions, one category at a time, makes the participant feel less “on the spot” than asking her to talk about all of them at once. Also, the requests to keep looking at the magazine insure that she’ll use the right name, rather than going from memory and possibly using the wrong word (with disastrous results).


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Note that my back is turned to the participant during the entire exchange. I make it clear at the beginning that I’m going to keep my back to her the whole time she’s looking at the book, because I don’t want her to accidentally give anything away – I don’t want to accidentally see her sign or what section of the book she’s looking at or anything. Clarifying this at the outset prevents it from seeming awkward during the later conversation. As far as whether to use the current or previous month, my cutoff date is the 20th. If it’s later than that, I have the participant use the current month because “even though this month isn’t quite over, it’s close enough that you have a pretty good sense of how it’s going.” If it’s before, I have them look up the previous month because “it’s too early to really tell how this month is going yet,” or what have you. Finally, a word about the order of things. Once you have the information, of course you can present it in whatever way and whatever order you like. However, I strongly suggest saving the zodiac sign for the end, for two reasons. First, it provides a theatrically solid conclusion to the routine. You've been gleaning bits and pieces of the participant's life and personality, and by apparently putting those pieces together to divine her sign, you bring things to an obvious end which is both theatrically satisfying and congruent with the initial premise. The unspoken subtext is that not only do you not need to know her sign to tell her about herself, but you can see into her personality so acutely that you can determine her sign from that. The second reason is that saving it for last makes the whole routine look more like a feat of pure intuitive reading, and less like what it really is from a technical, methodological standpoint, which is a book test – and for that matter, one with a very small book that you provide. If you begin by announcing her sign, the message you send isn't, "I can tell you about yourself," but rather, "I know what page you were just looking at." From that starting point, an


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intelligent and analytical spectator could easily think, "I'm not sure how he knew she was a Scorpio, but once he knew that, he'd be able to figure out the rest from what she told him if he had that little book memorized." And they would be essentially right. Putting things the other way around will prevent this line of thought from ever occurring.


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THE BUILT-IN CRIB SHEET Here’s the back cover of one of the magazines:

As you can see, the crib is disguised as a simple chart to look up which dates go with which signs. The columns of brackets ( < and > ) are where information is encoded. The column in between the dates and the signs tells you the participant's sign, and the three columns to the right of the signs tell you the good/bad configurations. (If a spectator ever asks about them, you can say you “think they might be some kind of runic symbol,” though I have yet to have


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anyone question them.) We'll deal with the sign column first. In order for it to make sense, it will help if you think of the opening brackets ( < ) as arrows pointing backward, and the closing brackets ( > ) as arrows pointing forward. The four brackets represent the four category names based on their alphabetical order, as in the second handling described earlier. A backward arrow indicates the first possibility, and a forward arrow indicates the last possibility. So for example, " < > < < " translates into "first, last, first, first." To put it into practice, suppose you get the categories, "Romance, Money, Wellness, Leisure." You notate them as "last, last, last, first." That means you'll look for the corresponding sequence of arrows, ".>.>.>.<.". You find that on the chart, and see that it's next to Aquarius, so that is your participant's sign. Now for the good/bad status. The idea is the same, only now the < arrows represent good, and the > arrows represent bad. (This follows the rule: Early = good; Later = bad.) As in the combined crib sheet described earlier, the first column is for the first month in the magazine, the middle column is for the second month, and the last column is for the third month. So, continuing with the previous example... you've learned that your participant is an Aquarius, and suppose she's looking at the July horoscope. July is the second month, so you look at the middle column in the Aquarius row, and find ".>.>.<.>.". That translates into "bad, bad, good, bad." So Romance is bad, Money is bad, Wellness is good, and Leisure is bad. I should point out that I didn’t originally plan on putting a crib sheet on the cover because it would require you to handle the magazine in mid-effect, thus weakening it unnecessarily. I included one anyway because, despite my solid reasoning, everyone I shared the effect with still wanted one. Then Jheff from Marketplace of the Mind


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pointed out that if you initially displayed two magazines (one for this season and an “old” one from last season), you could use the “extra” one as the crib. If you’re going to use the built-in crib, I strongly suggest this is how you do it, and I thank Jheff for allowing me to include his fine idea here. Now please excuse me while I go kick myself for not thinking of it on my own… ASSEMBLING THE MAGAZINES Before I explain how to print and assemble the magazines, I must tell you that most people find the process a good deal more difficult, time-consuming, and frustrating than they thought it would be. In fact, that’s the very reason I started offering this as a complete effect with the magazines included, rather than selling it solely as an e-book as per my initial plan. So if, once you read this, you decide that making your own magazines isn’t worth your while after all, you can take part in my “upgrade offer” and get a set of pre-printed magazines for only $20 + $5 shipping. That’s the price difference between the e-book and the complete package, and it’s $10 off the regular price of a set of magazines. If you’d like to do this, send the payment via PayPal, with “Upgrade offer” in the subject line, to [email protected], With that out of the way, I'll explain the most efficient way of putting the magazines together, thereby saving you from all the mistakes I made. Besides a computer and a printer, you will need the following: Glossy paper for the covers. Not photo paper, which is thick, but rather the kind that's sometimes called "presentation paper" or "brochure paper." In fact, you want the thinnest, cheapest glossy paper you can find. Many copy shops will sell it to you by the sheet, which is good since you only need one sheet per magazine (and a whole


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packet won't come cheap). However, be sure to get the right kind for your printer, because if you try to use glossy laser paper in an inkjet printer, it won't be a good day. Regular paper for the rest of the pages. Originally I used actual newsprint paper, which is what real mini-magazines are printed on. Then I realized that no one was going to spot the difference between real newsprint paper and cheap copy paper that had been colored to look like newsprint paper. Any sort of general-purpose 20-lb white printer paper or copy paper will do the job. A stapler. But not just any stapler; you need one with a four-inch "throat depth," which means it can put a staple four inches inward from the edge of a page. Most office staplers are made this way, but most "home" models aren't. If you don't have one that fits the bill but you don't want to buy one, any copy shop should have one you can use. A razor knife. I recommend the kind with the snap-off blades, since cutting paper will dull them quickly. A T-square. While you could theoretically get by with just a straight edge, a T-square makes the construction so much easier that you'd be foolish not to get one. I use a three-dollar plastic one from Office Depot, and it works like a charm. Once you've got all these, you're ready to go. The order of the steps might seem counterintuitive, but trust me, it's the best way. You're going to print first, then fold, then cut, then staple, then cut again. First, the printing. How you handle the pages will depend on what kind of printer you have. For our purposes, desktop printers can be broadly divided into two kinds: the kind where the paper is loaded into the top, which I’ll call “top loaders”; and the kind where the paper is loaded into the


26

front, which I’ll call (you guessed it) “front loaders.” With top loaders, the paper comes out facing the same direction as when it went in. But with front loaders, the paper gets flipped over as it’s printed, so the side that’s facing up when the paper goes in will be facing down when it comes out. Because of this, some steps will have different directions for front loaders and top loaders. For explanatory purposes, let's assume you're starting with the spring magazine. We’ll start with the outside and inside covers, which are on pages 34 and 38 of this document, respectively. (The inside covers only appear once, since they’re the same in all the magazines.) It’s best to print the inside covers first because they put less ink on the page, which warps the paper less, which makes it easier to feed back through the printer a second time. So load a sheet of glossy paper into the printer and print page 38. Important note: assuming you’re using Adobe Reader, make sure the “Print Scaling” option in the print dialog box is set to None, and the “Auto-Rotate and Center” box is checked. Once page 38 is printed, load that same sheet back into the printer, oriented so that the other side of the page will now be printed. If you have a top loader, that means put it in with the blank side up; if you have a front loader, put it in with the printed side up and the blank side down. Also, make sure you orient it with the top edge of the paper going in first (no matter which kind of printer you have). Then print page 34. Obviously, make sure you print the cover in color, and use the highest quality print setting. Now for the body pages. Load the plain paper into the printer and hit Print. In the Adobe Reader print dialog box, select the option to print “Odd pages only” under the Subset menu. Next, if you’re using a front loader, check the “Reverse pages” box, which will cause the pages to print in reverse order; if you’re using a top loader, leave the box unchecked. Then print pages 39 to 76. When they’re finished printing, let the ink dry for a few minutes, then


27

load the whole stack back into the printer to print the other sides. Again, if you’re using a top loader, put them in blank sides up; if you’re using a front loader, put them in printed sides up. And whichever type you’ve got, make sure the top edges go in first. Then hit Print again, and this time when the dialog box comes up, change the Subset menu option to “Even pages only.” Also, make sure the “Reverse pages” box in NOT checked, regardless of printer type. Then print pages 39 to 76 again. When the printing is finished, you should have all the pages printed on both sides, and in the correct order; one of the outer-facing pages should show the table of contents and an advertisement, and the one on the other side should show pages 38 and 39 (of the magazine, not this document). Next comes the folding, which is easy because you can pretty much do it all at once. Take the entire stack of pages except for the cover, and fold them in half lengthwise. (Reality check: make sure you fold them so the contents page ends up on the outside, and pages 38 and 39 become the centerfold.) Once you’ve got a good crease in them, separate them into packets of 4 or 5 pages and sharpen the creases, then reassemble them. Then fold the cover the same way, by itself, and put it over the rest of the pages. What you would like to do next is staple the pages together, but unfortunately you can’t, because a standard office stapler is about a quarter of an inch too short. So first you have to cut away part of the pages to allow the stapler to reach its target. To do this, unfold the stack, and lay the whole thing face-down onto your cutting surface, with the cover on top and the fold sticking up into the air. Press the stack down as flat as it will go, making sure the folds stay lined up. Then take the T-square and put the T along the top edge of the pages, so that the straight edge lines up with the short black lines indicating the right edge of the cover. Then take the razor knife and start slicing through the stack, cutting from the top edge of the paper down to just


28

below where the graphics end. This will leave a whole booklet’s worth of narrow strips along the edge, which will just get in your way, so tear them off. Now you have enough room to staple. Again make sure the folds are aligned, and put two staples through the center of the magazine, about a third of the way in from the top and bottom. The tricky part is that the staples have to go right through the fold. If you’re off by an eighth of an inch, that’s no good, and you’ll have to pull them out and start again. To avoid this, it’s best to practice first by putting some staples through lines on a piece of scrap paper, so you can learn exactly where the staples come out of your stapler. (And if practicing your stapler accuracy makes you feel a bit foolish, that’s the price you pay for doing this yourself.) Once they’re in, the booklet should close normally. Finally, the rest of the cutting. Flip the booklet over so the back cover faces up. Off to the left side you’ll see two short black lines indicating the top and bottom edges of the magazine. Get the T-square, put the T against the spine of the booklet, line up the straight edge with the bottom edge mark, and slice all the way through the booklet. Then do the same thing with the top edge mark. Cutting through this many pages is trickier than you’d think, but patience is the key. Make many strokes with light pressure rather than trying to slice through the whole stack at once. The trickiest part will be the “armpit” of the T, and you may need to flip the booklet over to get all the way through that spot. Once you’ve got the top and bottom edges cut, flip the booklet over to the front. Line up the T against the top edge, with straight edge just slightly inside the right edge of the cover, and slice through the whole stack again to even up the right edges of the pages. Ta-daa! With that, you've got yourself a genuine horoscope mini-magazine.


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PARTING THOUGHTS If you’re working on developing your cold reading skills, this effect can serve as a useful training tool, as it gives you an excellent opportunity to practice with a very large safety net in place. With so much solid information at your disposal, you can afford take some chances, knowing you’ll have plenty to fall back on if they miss. You also have the option of taking down the necessary information, but then starting your reading genuinely cold and seeing how you do. Then you can “heat it up” with information from the effect as needed, to enhance (or bail out) what you get (or don’t get) on your own. Another point to mention: since you never have to see the magazine, it’s possible to perform Ascension over the phone. Of course this involves sending one of the magazines to someone, so you won’t be doing it for every random person. But for someone who’s worth going out of your way to impress – a potentially lucrative client, a radio or TV host, etc. – I know of no other over-the-phone effect that can compare. (And I say that as a certified phone effect junkie. Don’t get me wrong, there are some fine ones out there. But as conventional mentalism wisdom dictates, there’s simply no way that telling someone what randomly-selected number or card or word they’re thinking of, even under the most impossibly remote conditions, can compare to telling them intimate details about their own life.) My suggestion is to send a package with the magazine in a separate envelope inside, with instructions not to open it until the recipient speaks to you. Then once you‘ve got her on the phone, have her open the envelope and do the routine as usual. If you’re afraid she might start poring over the magazine later, here’s a ploy to destroy the evidence. Once you’ve got what you need, say, “All right, so you’ve read what the magazine has to say, now I’d like you to forget about it. Put it out of your mind completely, because if you’re thinking about it, that will interfere with


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what we’re trying to do. In fact, to help you do that, go ahead and tear up the magazine. Seriously, we don’t need it any more, so just rip it up into little bits. The symbolism of destroying it will help clear your mind, and make it easier for us to form a connection…” I should point out that the magazines are designed so that a casual glance through them will hide the differences in category titles. The graphic image next to each category is larger, bolder, and closer to the edge of the page than the name of the category. So as someone flips through the magazine, their attention is drawn to the consistent images rather than the inconsistent text:

Also, a note about the covers: Among the various astrology-related mini-magazines published in the U.S., there really is a series called Your Spring Horoscope, Your


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Summer Horoscope, etc., available at finer supermarket checkout counters everywhere. Not coincidentally, they're the same size as the magazines used here. That means that if you like, rather than using the supplied covers, you can just go to your local supermarket, buy the current issue, take off the cover, and staple it onto your magazine. Although I'm proud of the covers I’ve created, and I firmly believe that they capture, with verve and aplomb, the quintessence and aesthetic sense of a genuine, cheaply produced mini-mag, I confess that in practice, I just use the ones from the real magazines. Finally, for those who didn’t get the line about “10 types of mentalists,” it’s an adaptation of an old math geek joke: “There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.” Because a 1 followed by a 0 is how you write the number 2 in binary. And the method for this effect relies on a binary process. So it’s funny, dammit. Sad humor aside, this effect, performed properly, is as powerful as any in mentalism. Enjoy it, and use it well. If you have questions, comments, suggestions, or stories about how Ascension has worked for you, I’d love to hear them, so don’t hesitate to email me at: [email protected] – Joshua Quinn, May 2006


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CREDITS AND THANKS The main inspiration for this effect came from Leo Boudreau’s brilliant but largely overlooked work with binary codes, primarily from his book Skullduggery (1989, currently available in electronic format from Lybrary.com). Many thanks to Leo for his support and for sharing his thoughts. To my knowledge, the only remotely similar effect in the literature is Edward Stein’s Astrostar (2001, available in the U.S. from Stevens Magic), though I wasn’t aware of it when I created Ascension. It uses a related prop (a hardback astrology book) to achieve a somewhat related effect (divining someone’s birth date) via a partially similar method (which you’ll have to buy it to learn). Thanks to everyone who allowed me to use their name, image, and web site address in the “ads,” thus enabling me to produce an authentically cheesy looking magazine without violating any copyrights. And speaking of gratuitous ads in the back pages of booklets…


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Begin Spring


AriesMar. 21 - Apr. 19

As the month gets going, get ready for some tremendous sparks to fly. You may even surprise yourself with the excitement you cause. This is genuinely one of those times when things just seem to click into place, and your good feelings rub off on everyone around you -- most of all, the lucky guy or girl who gets to reap the benefits!

Some months, everything in your financial life just seems to go right. Unfortunately, this doesn't look to be one of those months. Play things close to your vest, and you'll be able to

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ride out the challenges of this difficult period. Better luck is surely around the corner, probably by sometime next month.

No news is good news on the health front, and lucky for you, that's just what you can expect the entirety of this month. You've generally been taking good care of yourself, and as long as you keep it up, you shouldn't have any problem keeping the doctor away.

Even though you’ve got business to take care of, there’s some rejuvenating R and R in store for you this month. Fun comes in many forms, guises, and budget levels, and as long as you bear that in mind, you should have plenty of opportunities for lots of it throughout the month -- so don’t skip out on them!

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easing your monetary worries. Be sure to stay wise and make the most of it.

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You can expect some frustrations in the romance department this month. You might find yourself feeling like you’re having trouble connecting with someone. While this is bound to be dissatisfying, remember that not everything is in your control, and this too will pass.

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Good news: beneficial things await your pocketbook. If you’ve been working toward some sort of payoff, you can expect to start reaping the rewards this month. And if you haven’t, then prepare yourself for a pleasant

You’ve been taking pretty good care of yourself lately, so your good sense of all-around well-being should come as no surprise. Stay with it and you’ll continue to feel generally perky and in tip-top shape health-wise, and it’s sure to spill over into other areas of your life too.

Unfortunately, the stars don’t show a whole lot of leisure time in store for you this month. Despite your best efforts, you’ll feel like you can never quite get caught up. This is natural for Pisces this month. Don’t let it get you down, and hold out for improvements next month.

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monetary surprise! Whether or not you’ve seen this bit of success coming your way, you certainly deserve it, so enjoy it.

This looks to be a breezy month with no complications for you, health-wise. Of course the stars can't give you an iron-clad guarantee that you won't have so much as a sniffle or a bruise, but indications are that on the whole you're in good shape, with all systems go.

The success you’ve had in other areas may mean you have to give up some of your free time this month, but don’t despair. The groundwork you’re laying now is what will allow you to kick your feet up and relax once things settle down a bit. Keeping your nose to the grindstone this month will pay off soon.

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PiscesFeb. 19 - March 20

You can expect things to be running a little slow in your love life this month. This is bound to be a little disheartening, but look for the silver lining. A little space to yourself could turn out to be just what you need to figure out what you really want, and how best to achieve it.

You'll find yourself on a bit of a roll financially this month. Even if things have been a little lean lately, you can expect to catch a break that will go a long way toward

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This month you're a romantic force to be dealt with, and you're loving every delicious minute of it! You've taken some important steps on the right course lately, and the groundwork you've laid will have you ready for the feast of love that's coming your way. Remember to use your best judgement, and some incredible times will be yours.

You’ve been enjoying some monetary success, and the good news is, there’s more where it came from. Things are looking up for you financially, and as long as you keep making

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a be expected for Pisces at this time of the year, although that doesn’t make it any less frustrating. Stay focused and keep your wits about you, and you’ll be able to hang through this challenging time.

If your doctor is the sensitive type, he might start to worry that you don’t like him anymore -- because he won’t be hearing from you this month! Nothing but good health awaits you as the weeks pass. Enjoy your well-being, and use it to your best advantage.

The stars say there’s some leisurely fun in store for you this month. Although you’re busy, you’ll still find plenty of time to kick back, relax, and enjoy yourself. Doing so will give you a renewed perspective, and help generate some positive ideas.

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You’ve definitely grabbed the interest of a certain special someone lately, and you can look forward to spending this month enjoying it to the hilt. In fact, you’d almost let it give you an ego if you were less modest. But don’t let that humility get in the way of all the pleasure you’ll be getting from this guy or girl’s company.

Financially this isn’t shaping up to be a stellar for you, and you might find yourself having to cut back on a few things. This is to

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l those wise decisions and being smart about your finances, there’s no reason they should take a downturn.

Things definitely stand a chance of getting a little bumpy with your physical wellness this month. Don’t be surprised to find yourself down and out for a bit. But above all, make sure you don’t worsen things by ignoring them. Taking care of yourself is the key to recovery.

This looks to be an excellent month for an exciting little adventure with someone close to you. You finally have the opportunity to let your hair down and have some fun, so take advantage of it. Even if you don’t manage a major excursion, recreation will be a key point for you this month.

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HEALTH


TaurusApr. 20 - May 20

Unfortunately, this is a month looks to be a challenging one for your love life. You've been feeling more than a little far away (in many ways), but don't worry, this won't last much longer. Keep your chin up, and hold out for when your situation gets better by the end of next month.

This is one of those months when all your financial dealings just seem to click into place, and you come out ahead with hardly any effort. This doesn't mean you should go on a

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b with a little left over to spare). Stay cautious, and keep working to insure your good fortune doesn't turn out to be a fluke.

There are months when you’re feeling great, the picture of perfect health... and then there are months like this one. You’ll be facing some difficulties this month, but they don’t have to get the best of you -- especially if you’re smart about taking care of yourself, and keep a positive attitude.

Whatever other problems may exist, the stars indicate that leisure will be easy and abundant for you this month. Plenty of chances for fun are yours for the taking, so go ahead and take. Doing so will help you maintain a level head, and keep you focused and energized for dealing with other matters.

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Unfortunately, the stars indicate a lull in your love life this month. Despite your best efforts, you’ll probably find it frustratingly difficult to make the kind of romantic connection you’d like. Remember this too shall pass, and don’t let yourself settle for something that you’ll end up regretting later on.

Your finances are treating you pretty well this month. Projects that you've had in the works will finally start to show results, and you'll find yourself solidly in the black (maybe even

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l reckless spending spree, if there’s something you’ve had your eye on for a while, go ahead and splurge -- you’ve earned it.

You can expect to run into some complications this month. Nothing too severe, but serious enough that if you don't see a doctor, you'll end up wishing you had. Nipping the problem in the bud is the best way to make sure it doesn't get worse than it needs to, so don't procrastinate.

While you could stand to catch up on some R&R, unfortunately this doesn't look to be a good month for it. You're busy being responsible and taking care of important things at home or at work, which doesn’t leave much time for fun and games. This is a good month to keep your eyes on the prize.

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Romance is in the air for you this month, and if there's someone you'd especially like to draw closer to you, the odds are you just might. Your misgivings will melt away as you find your very own inner flirt, and your special friend -- or friend-to-be -- is going to love it.

Challenges await you in the money department this month, but don't fret, they may seem worse than they really are. This turn of events will be frustrating, but with some creative thinking, you’ll be able to keep

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b form of some positive cash flow. Stay smart about it, and you’ll continue to reap the benefits


Despite any other problems that may crop up, you’ll have ample opportunity for recreation this month. Getting out of the house and doing something you enjoy is a great way to clear your head and let you see things from a new perspective -- and that can help you out in all aspects of your life.

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it from turning disastrous. Stay focused and think things through before you act.

Unfortunately this looks to be a somewhat challenging month for you, health-wise. The stars indicate some problems that aren't life-threatening, but are more than a mere nuisance to be ridden out. Paying attention to your body and making sure you seek the right care is the surest way to set things right.

Some months are for cutting loose and having fun, and some months are for laying the groundwork that will let you cut loose in the future. This month is one of the latter. Fortunately, while months like these aren't very exciting, they don't have to be negative either. Remember, months like these make the more adventuresome times possible.

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AquariusJan. 20 - Feb. 18

Unfortunately, you can expect some pot holes on the road to love this month. While keeping your eyes peeled will naturally help you dodge a few of them, you're bound to hit some of them head on. While this is sure to be frustrating, remember it's up to you to change your circumstances if things aren't going the way you know you deserve.

It looks like things are finally starting to go your way financially this month. The steps you’ve taken are yielding some very positive results, and you’ll be seeing the payoff in the

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This has traditionally been a difficult month in the love lives of most Taurans. Whether it's a specific setback or a general sense of distance, you're likely to find yourself lacking a feeling of real closeness with anyone. Instead of getting frustrated, use this as a time to reflect on your real romantic goals and how to achieve them.

This month you might join the ranks of those who think money is the root of all evil -- or at least, the root of all frustrations. Just remember that problems can lead to

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b feeling a bit of a pinch because of it. No major disasters, but you might need to tighten your belt a notch or two until next month.

Unfortunately, you can expect recreation and free time to come at a high premium this month. You might find that despite what you’d prefer, you have to be a little bit of a hermit in order to get things taken care of. This isn’t a crime, and those close to you will understand.

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Your medicine cabinet is going to be feeling neglected this month! Bad for it, but great for you as you experience a breezy month free from concerns about your health. That means you’ll be able to focus your attention where it’s needed -- so get to it!



You may find yourself feeling a little bit solitary and disconnected this month, as something that seemed sure and comfortable turns out to be not quite what you expected. There may be a lesson or two to be learned from this challenging time, to take a few moments to reflect on your own needs and actions.

This is shaping up to be a tricky month for you financially. Some things that you thought were in the bank turn out not to be quite as sure as they seemed, and you’ll find yourself

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k opportunities, and with good judgement this could turn out to be a window that let you effect a much-needed transformation.

Some trials await you in the health department this month. If you don't have a physician that you see regularly, this would be a good time to ask around and find one, because some of these problems aren't the kind that go away on their own. A positive attitude will help speed your recovery.

Your lack of free time this month might be frustrating, and justifiably so, but it's important not to let yourself get too negative about it. Enjoy the knowledge that with some good judgement and responsible decisions, this challenging time will give way to a more positive situation by next month's end.

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GeminiMay 21 - June 21

You've been musing about you and a particularly outstanding guy or girl, and lucky you, they're musing right back. So don't be shy! Whenever you take charge of the situation and grab the reins, you're sure to see some of those dreams transform into magnificent real life events. By month's end you'll thank yourself for it (and you won't be the only one).

Even if things have been a little tight in the financial department lately, this month you can expect some good news. The vision

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c perseverance will get you through until things start to pick up for you again, probably by next month.

It looks like you’re headed for a rough patch with your health some time this month, so take care of your body and do what you can to minimize it in advance: Once the problem arrives, don’t wait for it to go away on its own; the longer you wait, the more you’ll wish you hadn’t.

This month should offer plenty of chances for you to put your feet up and get in some recreation and relaxation. Taking some time to enjoy life with someone close to you will provide exactly the sort of refreshment you’ve been looking for, and help you keep things in perspective.

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Your charms have been working overtime lately, and lucky for you, it hasn’t been for nothing; someone special is taking extra notice of you. How you take advantage of that is up to you, but be sure to make the most of it. You feel like you deserve a little loving care in your life, and you know what? You’re right! So enjoy it for all it’s worth.

Aquarians traditionally find this to be a tough month financially, so you might want to be prepared to tighten the old belt a little and cut back on a few things. Your natural

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k you've been pursuing is finally paying off, and you'll start to see some tangible, positive results. Stay on top of things, but at the same time, enjoy your success.

If you have any health concerns at all this month, they should be very minor -- a sniffle here or a bruise there, but nothing more serious than that. Otherwise, your body is well-tuned and ready to go, so get out there and make the most of it.

This looks to be a good month for you to catch up on some much need R&R, be it near by or far away. Whatever challenges exist in your life, you'll have ample opportunity to set them aside for a little while and enjoy yourself. Treat yourself to an adventuresome outing; it will do you tremendous good.

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Wow -- this is absolutely your hunka hunka burnin' love month! In spite of your busy life, you'll experience more than a few excitement-filled moments with a charming guy or girl. Be sure not to let negativity from the past get in the way of the opportunities you have now, and this will be a month worth remembering.

Make sure the kitchen knives are sharpened, because you're eating steak this month! Things are going your way, and you'll likely find your wallet a little thicker and heavier

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c making any rash decisions. Use your best judgement, and things should start to smooth out sometime next month.

Get ready for your close-up, because this month you could be the poster boy or girl for good health. No obstacles await your well-being in the near future. Furthermore, if you treat yourself as well as you have been, you could extend this healthy streak for some time to come.

Even if you have to get creative with the financial end of things, you’ll still find plenty of ways to get out there and have a little fun this month. There are lots of leisurely, entertaining activities that won’t break the bank, and if you look, you won’t have any problem finding them.

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CapricornDec. 22 - Jan. 19

Whether it's a specific setback or a general sense of distance, there’s a good chance you'll find yourself lacking a feeling of real closeness with anyone this month. Use this as a time to reflect on what you really want out of your love life, out of a potential romantic partner, and out of yourself.

Unfortunately, it looks like you might be feeling a little pinch in the pocketbook this month. If you find yourself coming up shorter than you expected a time or two, don’t panic. Just hold tight, and avoid

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j than usual. Take this opportunity to plan your next move, so the advances you've made can keep on giving.

Your toes will be tapping this month, as any health physical problems you may have had give way to a clean bill of health. That’s no reason to stop being vigilant and taking care of yourself, but as long as you do the right thing, your body will continue to be as good to you as you are to it.

With so many other things working out for you, your opportunities for recreation will suffer a little bit this month. But remember, it’s a small -- and temporary -- price to pay. Keep on top of the important stuff this month, and by the end of next month you’ll be able to start relaxing.

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This month you'll find yourself passing time with a guy or girl who makes you feel beautiful, worthwhile, and mainly marvelous. So even if circumstances beyond your control make you testy a time or two, keep that 1,000-watt smile turned on -- you're going to light some lucky soul's heart on fire with it.

You’ll hear the sound of cash registers ringing this month as you experience a monetary lucky streak. But luck is only a fairly small part of the answer -- most of this success is

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FINANCE

MAY

18

c for. Even if it’s a bit of a tight month, it’s important to stay focused and keep your wits about you.

Things could get a little rocky this month as far as your health is concerned. It might be a new development or an old problem creeping back, but either way you’re likely to have at least a few days of feeling down and out. Rest and the proper care will make sure it’s as few days as possible.

You’ll be looking at plenty of chances for little adventures this month, whether they’re far away or something quick and close to home. Remember that “vacation’ doesn’t have to mean “costly and time consuming,” and you'll be set for a month full of leisurely fun.

A

HEALTH

RECREATION

59



58

j down to your hard work finally beginning to pay off like you’ve known it should. Keep up the good work, and your success will continue to grow.

Your health will require more attention than usual this month. Whether it’s a new problem or an old difficulty coming back to haunt you, you’ll want to make sure you seek out the right kind of care. Be vigilant, and don’t put off dealing with the matter.

Keep your eyes open for the opportunities for excitement in store for you this month, because there will be lots of them. Even if you've been busy lately, the groundwork you've laid will open up the possibility for a marvelous, fun filled break or two, so enjoy it!

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It’s time to saddle up for a for a wild, love-filled month. The sparks will be flying hot and heavy between you and someone lucky, so be careful not to set off the fire alarm and sprinklers! This is the perfect month to just go with the flow, and enjoy the easy, effortless way you connect with your special friend.

You know worthwhile efforts are never easy, but this month financial matters may seem even more difficult than you had bargained

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MONEY

APRIL


CancerJune 22 - July 22

Even if your love life has led to some frustrations lately, these next few weeks will see your situation getting much, much warmer. The positive steps you make will naturally take you (and a very lucky guy or girl!) to whole new places. You know when you've got it good, so go out and enjoy yourself and that special friend.


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FINANCE

MARCH

20

d spending foolishly; it’s always better to be prepared for the unexpected than to get caught short.

Unfortunately, this doesn’t look to be an outstanding month for you health-wise. Nothing too serious, but you’re likely to find yourself feeling more than a little worse for wear in one way or another, and it might not be an easy thing to shake. Take the time to treat yourself well, and you’ll be rewarded.

You can expect to find yourself pretty well tied up for most of this month. Important business beckons, and taking care of it will be worth sacrificing some of your usual leisure activities. This may not sound like a whole lot of fun, but in the end it will prove to be worth it.

A

HEALTH

RECREATION

57



Whether your love life has been warm or cold lately, the coming month will see things heating up for you. You’ve made some personal progress lately, and it will pay off for you and a very lucky guy or girl! You know when you've got it good, so enjoy yourself with that special friend.

You’re feeling pretty flush this month -- enough so that you’re able to spread the good cheer around a little bit. By all means, make the most of your good fortune, but don’t start

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q ROMANCE

MONEY

MARCH

56

j form of some positive cash flow. Stay smart about it, and you’ll continue to reap the rewards.

Things could get a little rocky for you on the health front this month. Not terrible, but serious enough to require some professional attention and care -- this isn’t the month to try to sort out the problem yourself (or even worse, ignore it altogether).

Remember, a vacation doesn't have to be a long trip to a far away place; a quick adventure close to home can be just as refreshing, and you'll have the chance for plenty of those this month. Bear that in mind, and you'll be set for a month full of leisurely fun.

A

WELLNESS

RECREATION

21



Get ready for a rambunctious, romance-filled month! There’s a veritable truckload of mutual attraction between you and someone lucky, and it’s going to set off some major sparks. You’ll both want to mark off some time in your calendars to make the most of this love-fest, and by month’s end, you’ll be glad you did.

Any worthwhile effort takes time, but this month your effort could take longer than usual to yield a positive result, and leave you with a frustrating amount of "month left over at the

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q LOVE

FINANCE

APRIL

22

d like you’ve known it should. Keep up the good work, and your success will continue to grow.

It might take more than an apple a day to keep the doctor away this month. Some health challenges are coming your way at some point, and they might be nothing to sneeze at. To keep the disruption as minor as possible, pay attention to your body and tend to little problems before they get big.

With all that you’ve got going on, it’s no wonder your opportunities for recreation will suffer a little bit this month. But remember, it’s a small -- and temporary -- price to pay. Keep on top of the important stuff this month, and by the end of next month you’ll be able to start relaxing.

A

HEALTH

LEISURE

55


SagittariusNov. 22 - Dec. 21

Wow -- this is your hunka hunka burnin' love month! In spite of your busy life, you'll experience more than a few excitement-filled moments with a charming guy or girl. Be sure not to let negativity from the past get in the way of the opportunities you have now, and this will be a month worth remembering.

This month you’re on a streak that will have you hearing the sound of cash registers ringing. But luck is only a fairly small part of the answer -- most of this success is down to your hard work finally beginning to pay off

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q ROMANCE

MONEY

MAY

54

i end of the money." You might have to tighten your belt, but keep your wits about you and you'll avoid any major blunders.

If you happen to see your doctor this month, he’ll commend you for taking good care of yourself, while secretly grumbling behind your back for not giving him anything to bill you for! Keep up the good work and your health will continue to be on the up-and-up.


A

WELLNESS

RECREATION

23



MAY

24

dDoes Cupid’s arrow just seem to be missing your heart this month? If so, don’t dwell on the negative. Instead, take this opportunity to think about what you really want out of your love life, and consider what you can do to make it happen -- and bring this unlucky streak to an end!


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LOVE

FINANCE

q

53

you'll start to see some tangible, positive results. Stay on top of things, but at the same time, enjoy your success.



A

HEALTH

LEISURE



APRIL

52

i

25

spending foolishly; it’s always better to be prepared for the unexpected than to get caught short.

Your good sense of all-around well-being should come as no surprise, since you’ve been taking quite good care of yourself lately. Stay with it and you’ll continue to feel in tip-top shape health-wise, and it’s sure to spill over into other areas of your life too.

You can expect to find yourself pretty well tied up for most of this month. Important business beckons, and taking care of it will be worth sacrificing some of your usual leisure activities. This may not sound like a whole lot of fun, but in the end it will prove to be well worth it.

A

WELLNESS

RECREATION

Good news: that special guy or girl you’ve been daydreaming about has been dreaming about you too. So don't be shy! Whenever you take charge of the situation and grab the reins, you're sure to see some of those dreams transform into magnificent real life events. By month's end you'll thank yourself for it (and you won't be the only one).

Even if things have been a little tight in the financial department lately, this month you can expect some good news. The vision you've been pursuing is finally paying off, and

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q ROMANCE

MONEY


LeoJuly 23 - Aug. 22

If you detect a whiff of something sweet in the air, it’s because romance is in full bloom for you this month. Your charms have been working, and someone special is really taking notice of you. You feel like you deserve a little sweetness in your life, and you know what? You’re right! So enjoy it for all it’s worth.

Although you’re certainly not greedy, there’s a certain comfort that comes with financial security. And lucky for you, you’ve got that in spades this month. If you’ve been

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q LOVE

MONEY

MARCH

26

e find your wallet a little thicker and heavier than usual. Take this opportunity to plan your next move, so the advances you've made can keep on giving.

You’re in for an uneventful month on the health front -- and we mean that in the best possible way. Keep taking good care of yourself like you’ve been doing, and you shouldn't have any problem keeping the doctor away.


A

HEALTH

LEISURE

51



Has your romance cup just not been running over lately? If not, don’t dwell on the negative. Instead, take this opportunity to think about what you really want out of your love life, and consider what you can do to make it happen -- and bring this unlucky streak to an end!

Make sure the kitchen knives are sharpened, because you're eating steak this month! Things are going your way, and you'll likely

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q ROMANCE

MONEY

MARCH

50

i having money worries, they'll quickly get sorted out, leaving you with peace of mind and a little left over to spend too!

Things could get complicated with your health this month. Not emergency-room complicated, but enough to interfere with other areas of your life in ways you don’t need, unless you take steps to remedy the situation. Take those steps, and you’ll keep the problem down to a minimum.

You’ll have some time to kick back and relax this month, and you should definitely take advantage of it. Taking a couple days or nights (or both) to show yourself and someone close to you a good time will have just the sort of energizing effect you’ve been looking for.

A

HEALTH

LEISURE

27



A certain someone is showing a good deal of interest in you lately, and you’re loving every minute of it. In fact, you’d almost let it go to your head if you were less humble. But don’t let that modesty get in the way of all the enjoyment you’ll be getting from this guy or girl’s company. You’ve earned it, so don’t be afraid to make it count.

Leos traditionally find this to be a tough month financially, so you might want to be prepared to tighten the old belt a little and cut back on a few things. Your natural

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q LOVE

MONEY

APRIL

28

e could turn out to be a window that lets you effect a much-needed transformation.

Don’t let your health concerns get you down any more than necessary. You’ll probably have some complications this month, but the key to minimizing the damage is early action and a positive attitude. Keep those in mind, and you’ll be able to put this unpleasantness behind you ASAP.

This looks to be an good month for you to catch up on some much need R&R, be it near by or far away. Whatever challenges exist in your life, you'll have ample opportunity to set them aside for a little while and enjoy yourself. Treat yourself to an adventuresome outing; it will do you tremendous good.

A

WELLNESS

RECREATION

49


ScorpioOct. 24 - Nov. 21

48

h perseverance will get you through until things start to pick up for you again, probably by next month.

If you’re looking to play hooky from work or school this month, you’d better be a good actor, because your health will give you no excuse! Unless you count the slight possibility of a brief sniffle, nothing will interfere with your wellness.


A

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LEISURE

29

You can expect to run into some obstacles in the romance department this month. You've been feeling more than a little far away (in many ways), but don't worry, this won't last much longer. Keep your chin up, and hold out for when your situation gets better by the end of next month.

Don’t be surprised if things get a little tricky on the financial front this month. Just remember that problems can lead to opportunities, and with good judgement this

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MONEY

MAY





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MONEY

MAY

30

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47

possibly in an unexpected way. So stay positive and bide your time.

Your health will require some looking after this month, so be prepared to put the needed time and effort into taking care of yourself. If you don’t, something that starts as a mere nuisance could turn into a more serious problem as the days go by. Don’t let that happen, and you’ll be back on top before too long.

This is looking like one of those busy months, where you the groundwork that will let you cut loose and have fun in the future. Which means it probably won’t be terribly exciting, but it doesn’t have to be negative either. Remember, months like these make the more adventuresome times possible.

A

WELLNESS

RECREATION



This is shaping up to be a romance-filled month, and if there's someone you’ve got your heart set on getting closer to, chances are you just might. Your hangups will disappear as you find your very own inner flirt, and a very special guy or girl is going to be loving every minute of it.

Troubles await your financial dealings this month, but don't worry, they may not be as bad as they seem at first. The rough patch you hit will be a challenging one, but you might be able to turn it to your benefit,

$

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MONEY

APRIL

46

h with a little left over to spare). Stay cautious, and keep working to insure your good fortune doesn't turn out to be a fluke.

Either you or someone close to you has been taking good care of you, and your body is reaping the rewards; you’re the picture of good health all through this month. Keep it up, but at the same time, use that energy to deal with things that might need more of your attention.


A

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LEISURE

31


VirgoAug. 23 - Sept. 22


You'll find yourself on a bit of a roll financially this month. Even if things have been a little lean lately, you can expect to

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MONEY

MARCH

32

f all, there’s no point in earning it if you can’t enjoy it a little.

Your health will be more of a concern for you than you’re used to this month. You can expect an issue that requires attention, even if it seems like just a minor nuisance at first. The surest way to let little issues fester into nasty complications is to ignore them, so take care of yourself and don’t fall into that trap.

With so many different things going on in your life, leisure time will come at a high premium this month. You’ve got a lot of irons in the fire, and tending to them all won’t leave you with a lot of time left over for R&R. So this is a good month to keep your eyes on the prize.

A

WELLNESS

RECREATION

45



Some frustrations are in the picture for you in the romance department this month. You’ll probably find yourself feeling like you’re having trouble connecting with someone. While this is bound to be dissatisfying, remember that not everything is in your control, and this too is temporary.

Your financial dealings will really click into place this month, and with a little effort you should come out ahead of the game. Don’t let it go to your head, but do go ahead and reward yourself -- sensibly! -- for your success. After

$

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MONEY

MARCH

44

h catch a break that will go a long way toward easing your monetary worries. Be sure to stay wise and make the most of it.

This month you may experience some setbacks with your well-being that are beyond your control. Be attuned to what your body is telling you, and remember it’s not as resilient as it was when you were a teenager! Take steps to right whatever is ailing you, rather than just letting it go.

You have the means and opportunity to make your leisure time quite enjoyable this month -- and that's enough of a motive all by itself! Plenty of chances for fun are yours for the taking, so go ahead and take. By month's end, you (and the people close to you) will be glad you did.

A

HEALTH

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33



You’re feeling a real romantic connection with someone special this month. Whether it’s a hot new flame or an established relationship, the sparks between the two of you are sure to be flying fast and furious. You’ll be loving every minute of it, and so will your lucky partner.

Unfortunately, it looks like you might be feeling a little pinch in the pocketbook this month. If you find yourself coming up shorter than you expected a time or two,

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q LOVE

MONEY

APRIL

34

f ride out the challenges of this difficult period. Better luck is surely around the corner, probably by next month.

No need to worry about your health this month, as everything seems to be doing exactly what it should be. Your good habits have been paying off in the form of a clean bill of health. As long as you keep them up, you should continue to reap the rewards.

Although you’ve got important things to tend to, there’s some rejuvenating recreation in store for you this month. Fun comes in many forms, guises, and budget levels, and as long as you bear that in mind, you should have plenty of opportunities for lots of it throughout the month -- so don’t skip out on them!

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43


LibraSept. 23 - Oct. 23

You know what you need out of romance, and lucky you, you’ve got someone who’s happy to deliver! Thus month will be a bona fide feast of love for you and the current Mr. or Ms. Right. Try to keep your head on your shoulders throughout all this excitement, but at the same time, you owe it to yourself to make the most of it.


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MONEY

MAY

42

g don’t panic. Just hold tight, and avoid making any rash decisions. Use your best judgement, and things should start to smooth out sometime next month.

Have you been eating your apple a day? It seems like it, because no worries about your well-being await you this month. Pay attention to your body and keep treating yourself right, and you should continue to feel healthy and have plenty of energy for the important stuff.

You’ve got quite a bit on your plate at the moment, and taking care of some genuinely important business might have to take precedence over fun outings this month. Be prepared to make the most of the little bit of leisure time you do have.

A

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RECREATION

35



Things might seem a little slow for you in the romance department this month. This is bound to be frustrating, but look for the silver lining. A little space to yourself could turn out to be just what you need to figure out what you really want, and how best to achieve it.

You’ll be seeing green this month, and it won’t be because of jealousy! Your financial situation is looking good, and you should find yourself feeling pretty flush -- enough to

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MONEY

MAY

36

f those wise decisions and being smart about your finances, there’s no reason they should take a downturn.

Things definitely stand a chance of getting a little bumpy with your physical health this month. Don’t be surprised to find yourself down and out for a bit. But above all, make sure you don’t worsen things by ignoring them. Taking care of yourself is the key to recovery.


A

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41



Get ready for some amazing sparks to fly this month. You may even surprise yourself with the excitement you cause. This is genuinely one of those times when things just seem to click into place, and your good feelings rub off on everyone around you -- most of all, the lucky guy or girl who gets to reap the benefits!


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MONEY

APRIL

40

g spread the wealth around a little bit, if you’re so inclined. Think about how to parlay your success into something even better.


The stars don’t show a whole lot of leisure time in store for you this month. Despite your best efforts, you’ll feel like you can never quite get caught up. This is natural for Virgos this month. Don’t let it get you down, and hold out for improvements next month.

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37



Lucky for you, it seems like there’s romance everywhere you turn this month. Someone is going out of their way to make you feel special, beautiful, and all-around fabulous -- and they’re doing a darn good job of it! Let them know you appreciate it; a little positive reinforcement can go a long way!



This looks to be a fairly breezy month with no complications for you, health-wise. Of course the stars can't give you an iron-clad guarantee that you won't have so much as a sniffle or a bruise, but indications are that on the whole you're in good shape, with all systems go.

The good fortune you’ve had in other areas may mean you have to give up some of your free time this month, but don’t despair. The groundwork you’re laying now is what will allow you to kick your feet up and relax once things settle down a bit. Keeping your nose to the grindstone this month will pay off soon.

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38 39

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Begin Summer





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6




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DECEMBER

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69





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DECEMBER

68




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JANUARY

10




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67





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FEBRUARY

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64




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DECEMBER

14




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DECEMBER

62




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JANUARY

16




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FEBRUARY

60




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FEBRUARY

18




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JANUARY

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FEBRUARY

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FEBRUARY

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joshua quinn - ascension

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