Recommended Reading•Proverbs, Jonah•Joel*, Titus•True to the Last•Hand on the Bridle•The Lamplighter•Teddy’s Button•The Basket of Flowers•Little Threads

Instructional

•Education of a Child by Fenelon•Let Go by Fenelon•Families Where Grace is in Place•How to Act Right When Spouse Acts Wrong•War of Words by Welch

Angry Jonahby Mark Hamby

www.lamplighterpublishing.com1-888-246-7735

Lamplighter Ministries

Lamplighter MinistriesSeminars

TheatreGuildPublishing & Bindery

Last night my kids had the choice of watching a half an hour of TV, playing video games for half an hour or having me read an extra half an hour to them and they chose reading a Lamplighter book. I was very excited to have my 9, 7, 5 and one of our neighbors kids (also 5) all want to sit around my living room while I read a couple chapters of Basket of Flowers and the Giant Killer. If they could have stayed awake, we would have read until midnight. These books are having a tremendous, positive effect on me and my family. Grace is flourishing in our home.

George

LAMPLIGHTER.NET

Character Comprehension Quizzes

Jonah and the ???

David and ???

How do you respond when God asks you to do something uncomfortable?

When you feel dishonored, rejected, despised, humiliated, misunderstood,

and used?

But it displeased Jonah exceedingly, and he was very angry. And he prayed to the Lord and said, “I knew if I obeyed you that this would happen! These wicked Ninevites are getting off scott free!” For I knew that you are a gracious God, and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness…Therefore now, O Lord, take, I beg you, my life from me; for it is better to die than to live.

H. A. L. T.If you are:

1.Hungry or high stress2.Afraid or Angry3.Lonely or4.Tired

Conflicts will look bigger than they are!

d.r.

4 Main Causes of Anger

•Fear (skunk, 5 yr. old.)

•Frustration (warrant for arrest)

•Hurt (home late)

•Selfishness (Jonah)

God said, “Jonah, do you have good reason

to be angry?”

And Jonah said, “yes, even unto to death!”

Jonah rose up to flee;

from the presence

of the Lord.

From the presence of the Lord He went down

And went down

From the presence of the Lord

But God sent out/hurled a great wind on the sea and there was a great

storm on the sea so that the ship was about to

break up.

In the day of prosperity rejoice;

in the day of adversity consider;

God has appointed both.

Ecc. 7:14

Be angry and sin not; ponder in your own hearts on your beds,

and be silent.

Psalm 4:4,5

Be angry, and do not sin: do not let the sun go down upon your wrath, nor give place to the devil.Ephesians 4:26-27

But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. Jas 3

Two Warnings:

1. Eph 6:4 – provoke not

- proximity, alongside, lit. from side of.

- to be passionate, enrage, to anger (from root word orgy - violent passions and perverted sexual relationships) abhorrence, vengeance, wrath, punishment.

Remedy: bring them up – to nurture, rearing to maturity, to cherish, train, nourish, reference to nursing.

Two Warnings:

1.Col 3:21 – provoke not (root word ) to stimulate, irritate, embitter, rouse to anger or fight, to be quarrelsome, perverse, to make resentful, to stir up for combat, i.e. to excite a bull for the arena.

- a child frequently irritated by over-severity or injustice to which, nevertheless, must submit, acquires a spirit of sullen resignation leading to despair. (Abbott)

Two Warnings:

Lest they be discouraged:from the root word - passion, fierce indignation, breathe hard, smoke, slaughter, sacrifice, kill, slay.

- negative particle that denotes without passion, spiritless.

Progressive Warning and Consequence:

In Ephesians, there is a warning with a remedy.

The child has a spirit to fight back.

In Colossians, there is a warning with consequences.

The child has lost his spirit.

The Wildest Horse in the West

&

Boundaries

The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous

in mercy.

He has not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to

our iniquities.

Like as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has

compassion on them that fear him.Psalm 103: 8, 10, 13

For the wrath of man works not the righteousness of God.

James 1:20Proverbs 15:18

…do you not know that the goodness of God leads you to

repentance?Romans 2:4

However the men rowed…

Then they cried out unto God.

And the Lord appointed

a great fish.

Then Jonah prayed,

and said, “I cried in my affliction…I cried and you

heard me…”

And the Lord said, Go to Nineveh and preach…

And Jonah cried out…

…the people of Nineveh believed God, and proclaimed a fast…and there was a decree proclaimed and published by the King and nobles saying, Let neither man nor beast, herd, nor flock, taste any thing: let them not feed, nor drink water: but let man and beast be covered with sackcloth, and… Jonah 3:8

AND CRY MIGHTILY UNTO GOD.

And God saw their works, that they turned from their evil way; and God repented of the

evil, that he said that he would do unto them; and he did it not.

But it displeased Jonah exceedingly, and he was very angry.

And he prayed unto the Lord, and said…I knew you were a gracious God, and merciful,

slow to anger, and of great kindness, and would change your mind of the evil you would

do to these wicked people. Therefore, take my life!

The said the Lord, Do you have good reason to be angry?...And the Lord God prepared a gourd to give Jonah protection from the sun.

Then God said to Jonah, “Do you have good reason to be angry about the gourd?” And he said, “I have good reason to be angry, even unto to death.”

Selfishness leads to anger, prolonged anger leads to depression, depression removes hope, and a lack of hope makes one ashamed, setting the stage for a life

filled with self-centeredness, self-injury, or violent behavior. Anger, anxiety, and anguish come from the

same Latin root angere, meaning to “choke,” or “to give pain by pushing together.” The noun form is angustus,

meaning “narrow.” Anxiety and anger constricts and limits life.

God had prepared the waves, the wind, the whale, a worm, and even a wonderful shade from the weather; God prepared RESISTANCE for Jonah—to help him to see the needs of his own heart.

When prideful stubborn people experience resistance, they usually entrench themselves into willful rebellion or revenge.

1. God rejects the proud…

2. Agree with quickly your adversary!

And should not I spare Nineveh, that great city, wherein are more than sixscore thousand persons that cannot discern between their right hand and their left hand; and...

And also many cows?

I sought the Lord and He heard me and delivered me from all my fears.

This poor man cried and the Lord heard and delivered him from all his troubles.

“The righteous cry, and the Lord hears, and delivers them out of all their troubles. The

Lord is near unto those who are of a broken heart and saves such as be of a contrite

spirit.

Many are the afflictions of the righteous; but the Lord delivers him out of all.”

Psalm 34

Fund Development Counsel

$20. BillRecently, the Lord gave me a wonderful opportunity to demonstrate the power of His awesome grace to one of my sons. This son phoned me at the bookstore one day and said, "Guess what, mom... I found a $20 bill in the pocket of one of my pairs of shorts." Immediately I discerned that what he was telling me probably wasn't the truth. But I congratulated him on finding the lost money and we speculated that it was probably some forgotten birthday money. End of phone call. When I hung up the phone with him I tried to remind myself to check in a drawer at home to see if a $20 bill was still there. It is a drawer that the older boys know about... where my husband and I stash extra cash for emergencies. That night I forgot to check, but a few days later I remembered and saw that it was missing. My husband hadn't taken any money from it... and money had never been missing before. I knew I had to talk to my son. What a flashback to my childhood!!

Fund Development Counsel

My son was from my blood, for sure. But he didn't have the desperate, driving need for money that I thought I had as a child... or did he? I remembered the guilt and shame... and the loss of trust with my parents as I stole time and again and was caught and disciplined for it. I remembered how it felt... how I knew I lost their trust so I didn't care after awhile... Oh, no. I don't want my dear son feeling that way or taking that path!

I brought him into a quiet room away from his brothers and we sat down together. I told him I wanted to tell him a story... and I proceeded to tell him about when I was a little girl and I had taken a $10 bill from my mother's wallet. My mother found the money missing very shortly afterward and was distraught. It was the only money we had for groceries that week! I felt so terrible... and I really wanted to return the money. But how? I decided to make up a story to cover my sin. I went outside to where the sprinkler was watering the lawn and I pretended to find the money under the sprinkler. I went in the house, triumphant that I had "found" the (now wet) missing money, eager to hand it over to my distraught mother and make things right again.

Much to my dismay, I was met with an angry parent who vowed that I was lying... that I had stolen the money... and that I could never be trusted. I sank deeper into my sin, believing that I might as well be what she claimed I was. It didn't matter anymore.

Fund Development Counsel

I knew that I wanted this encounter with my son to be very, very different. So I told him the story while holding him in my arms and rubbing his back. Then I let him know that I was missing $20 and I asked if it was possibly the $20 that he had found in his pocket. He immediately said, "No, mom... I did find that in my pocket."I was so pleased that God was in control!!! It was at this point that I got the awesome opportunity to heal a great wrong in my life... simply by treating my son (in his sin) the way that I had only dreamed of being treated. I said to him, "I BELIEVE you."

I hugged him and sent him on his way.Later that night I mentioned to him that we needed to put the $20 up on

his "chart." We keep a running account of the younger children's money on a chart on the refrigerator. Then we keep the cash for them so they don't lose it. They do this by choice, and he had already given me the $20 bill the day he had called me to say he had found it in his pocket. They usually keep smaller amounts in their wallets, but the bigger amounts they give back to us and write up on their "account."

I had joyfully written the $20 entry on his account. I felt such peace... such joy. Conviction of sin was up to the Holy Spirit alone!! I had done the only job required of me... I had lavished "prodigal" grace on my son.

Fund Development Counsel

I call it prodigal grace because prodigal means "reckless, lavish, wasteful." The father in the parable of the "prodigal son" was actually the one who was reckless, lavish, and wasteful!! He "wasted" the fatted calf on his wayward son; he "lavished" an undeserved gift of a robe and a ring. He recklessly ran down the road to meet him. He poured out unconditional love. Yes -- that is what I lacked as a child. That is what I wanted my son, yet in his unrepentant sin, to experience. A few hours later I was preparing to read aloud a book to the boys. My heartbroken son came into the room and burst into tears at my side. I hugged him. I asked him if he would like to tell me something.

"Yes...", he stammered, "I.... I did take that money out of your drawer, Mom."

What joy in my heart to see the Holy Spirit bring about the work of repentance totally unhindered by me!!!

I said this to him...”Oh, my dear son... I LOVE you. I am so proud of you for telling me the truth. That took SO much courage. I believed you when you told me that you didn't take the money because I really trust you. I'm so glad I can trust you to tell me the truth. I know that was a hard thing to do.

Fund Development Counsel

I do want you to know something. All that I have is yours. If you ever feel like you need money you just come and tell me. I don't ever want you to feel like you have to steal. And I want you to keep that money... I don't want it back. I'm just so glad you let the Holy Spirit work in your heart."

Yes... I wanted him to keep the money. And no one else in our household knows what happened. I covered over his sin for a very good purpose --- so that he will never forget what that kind of love feels like.

I don't believe I'll ever deal with this issue with him again. And for that very reason... it was worth it to be a prodigal mom. God's love is so radical toward us... so incredibly unbelievable!!

But God demonstrates His ownlove toward us, in that while we wereyet sinners, Christ died for us.Romans 5:8God’s "amazing grace",Heather

shoes

Aspirin

Cell phone

DOES GRACE REALLY WORK?

Dear Mr. Hamby,…When our first child was born 7 years ago, I looked and looked for Christian teaching on discipline and raising godly children. I settled on a "first-time obedience" approach that was popular. My husband willingly went along with it, being as uncertain as I was about how to raise godly children.

I carried a lot of anger and resentment toward my children. I viewed their disobedience as a personal offense against me. I was exasperated by their lack of self-control and emotions. My oldest daughter is very strong-willed, and her temper tantrums were outrageous. The tantrums were not used as a tool to get attention in public or to manipulate me, but they were always directed at me (rarely her father)… Her behavior outside of the home was impeccable. It made it very hard to talk with anyone about this problem.

No one believed there WAS a problem, or passed it off as an isolated incident or a “stage.” And no one ever, ever challenged me to remove the log in my own eye. She did not sleep well at night since very early on. She was defiant and talked back a lot. My daughter never completed a chore without intervention from me. She was determined to have her say when corrected. It was an uphill battle all the time, and quite frankly I didn't enjoy her at all.

…I had found a discipline style that suited me early on...but I had not truly searched the scriptures to find how to reach my children’s hearts. While I thought I was following God's lead, I realize that I had my own agenda and it was a self-righteous one that didn't require me to change. I wasn't willing to consider that my convictions were selfish ones. I confessed my sin to the Lord and began to show more tenderness and self-control with my daughter. I still fell into the old ways often, though.

When I listened to your message, I could have put my name in your place. I was ALWAYS correcting my daughter, ALWAYS finding fault with her endeavors, ALWAYS saying her name in a way that implied disapproval or correction, ALWAYS fussing about undone chores. I had placed responsibility over relationship. I had a child who was fearful of my correction - that's the root of the sleep problem, and the reason for her unwillingness to try so many things. I was not casting out fear with love.

…I realized that little Sarah had very little chance of earning my approval. I stopped getting angry every time a simple chore was left undone. I stopped spanking. I stopped lecturing. I started cleaning her toys up outside without asking her to help. I went upstairs and made her bed in the morning. She spent a Saturday morning with me to run errands. I asked her what she wanted to do, and that's what we did. The errands got done another day. She loves flowers and gardens; I bought her a ton of seed packets and helped her plant them. She loves to paint; I started painting with her several times a week. I started hanging a butterfly on her closet door at night after she fell asleep, so if she woke up she would KNOW that I had kept my promise to check on her. I started hugging and kissing her intentionally.

In a matter of days, the most remarkable thing happened. I was doing some cleaning, and I asked my youngest to do a small chore, which she did willingly. Without my asking for help, Sarah set about doing chores—big chores that required a lot of effort on her part. She dusted, swept, and washed dishes. She straightened up and put things away properly. It was then I realized what a different child she had become. She sleeps better at night. She laughs more, and she is not as angry.

She takes offenses from her younger sister better. She handles disappointment with grace and not anger. She says “yes ma'am” and “no ma'am” consistently. She accepts my correction willingly and changes her behavior when necessary. She cleans up her outdoor toys without being told. She wants me to read to her now instead of just tolerating it. And best of all, she has started talking about the things that are in her heart, and she wants ME to hear them.

When I started trying to disciple Sarah the way Jesus would, she bloomed. She is a joy to be with, and I have lost my anger and impatience. When those feelings do try and creep to the surface I can label them, confess them, and deal with them before they control me.

…God allows us to remember our sins, not so we condemn ourselves repeatedly, but so we can show others what he has delivered us from. …Our God is a GREAT God.

Resistance is Designed by God

In the day of prosperity rejoice;

in the day of adversity consider;

God has appointed both.

Ecc. 7:14

So what shall we do in the day of adversity? Jonah 1:11

Mark, This is going to be hard for me to write. I've wanted to for quite a while but have procrastinated. I'll openly admit that one of my struggles is "approval of men" and I've held back from sending it for that reason. I've been very fortunate in this life. God has blessed me with a beautiful wife and soon to be six wonderful kids. We go to a church I love and have made friends with couples that I care deeply for. I've been allowed and privileged to meet some incredible men and women who deeply love God, you being one of them. And I have the honor of watching my wife's dream of helping other women become real. I don't know what kind of impression you had during your short visit with us, but hopefully some of who my family really "is" came across. However, a message I'm trying to share with those that come to know me is that but for the grace and love of God, I would have lost everything. I've made some serious mistakes in my life. Four and a half years ago, on Monday, October 16, 2000, I found myself at rock bottom. Sunday, the night before, Marybeth and I had a horrible fight. In a rage, I lashed out and shoved her back into a table and then left the house to spend the night at my mom's. I was arrested that next afternoon in our previous church's parking lot. (I was on the way into a counseling session for her and I.) Because there was physical evidence of abuse, the state took over and began prosecuting me for violence against a female. I spent that Monday night in jail (hell) completely separated from any sort of love. I had lost my wife, my children (she had me served with a restraining order that night), my church, and my friends. And unfortunately, that's just the beginning. Besides anger, I had been struggling with pornography all my life, had become addicted to the 'net, had been having an affair, and had severe financial difficulties. I spent that night in jail barely able to breath, alone in the darkness of a loveless place, crying out to God to forgive me. I couldn't have put it into words at the time, but now I realize just how deeply angry at myself and ashamed of myself I had always been.

My father bailed me out the next day. The very second I pulled his car door shut, I began sobbing. Things were very hard for me (thankfully) after that. I had to complete a year of anger management class for the state of NC and also began seeing a Christian counselor. In January of 2001, I began meeting with a group of seven other guys at the Barnabas Center, a counseling center in Charlotte. It lasted for over two years. God also brought other "messengers" to me who shared wonderful stories of God's love and grace. I slowly began to rebuild my life. Things are much better now. I don't deserve any of what I have - I've learned a lot about brokenness, humbleness, forgiveness, and redemption. Our marriage has it's ups and downs, but Marybeth is my best friend. I'm a better father to my children. I have guy friends now - guys I can actually talk to. I don't have life "figured out." I still have to be careful. But most of the time, I feel hopeful. At this point in my life, I'm doing all I know how to do to share with others what I've been through and all that I've learned over the past 4 ½ years. I've been able to help some couples at church with money issues and marital issues, and also become involved with our church's men's ministry. I'm going to keep pushing my life in the direction of helping people, hoping that one day I'll figure out a way to do it full time. It's my heart's desire to tell others about the amazing grace that saved a wretch like me. And I think I know why I specifically wanted to send you this. Your message of God's love - the story of a father who's willing to do anything to restore the relationship with his son - touches something in my soul that leaves me breathless. Do you struggle with whether you're saying the right thing? I hope not. I'm here to tell you that as a prodigal son, I would want a father such as you (I have one by the way. My dad's love is very similar to yours.) After living a life eating the remains of the pigs' supper, I believe with all my heart that God's love is just as you describe it. Yes, God is a God of judgment. But His grace is greater then I could ever imagine or deserve. Thank you.

Progressive Warning and Consequence:

In Ephesians, there is a warning with a remedy.

The child has a spirit to fight back.

In Colossians, there is a warning with consequences.

The child has lost his spirit.

Fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and

admonition of the Lord.Ephesians 6:4

Provoke: to anger, alongside, enrage

Deliberate thoughtSpills over to rage

Two Warnings:

1. Eph 6:4 – provoke not

- proximity, alongside, lit. from side of.

- to be passionate, enrage, to anger (from root word orgy - violent passions and perverted sexual relationships) abhorrence, vengeance, wrath, punishment.

Remedy: bring them up – to nurture, rearing to maturity, to cherish, train, nourish, reference to nursing.

Two Warnings:

1.Col 3:21 – provoke not (root word ) to stimulate, irritate, embitter, rouse to anger or fight, to be quarrelsome, perverse, to make resentful, to stir up for combat, i.e. to excite a bull for the arena.

- a child frequently irritated by over-severity or injustice to which, nevertheless, must submit, acquires a spirit of sullen resignation leading to despair. (Abbott)

Two Warnings:

Lest they be discouraged:from the root word - passion, fierce indignation, breathe hard, smoke, slaughter, sacrifice, kill, slay.

- negative particle that denotes without passion, spiritless.

REACTIONS OF RESISTANT,RESENTFUL CHILDREN

POWER → pride, protectionREVENGE → hurt (Razor Reservoir)ATTENTION → insecureINADEQUACY → ashamed, lack of character, self-discipline, handicap (emotional, physical and mental)

Dear Dad: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing's, and the fact that she is much older than I am.But it's not only the passion...Dad, she's pregnant. Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your

grandchildren.

Love, Your Son, John

PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card, that's in my center desk drawer.

I love you. Call me when it's safe to come home.

Perspective