jeff clement copy portfolio

4509 Summerbrook CrFort Worth, TX 76137

** Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in thefollowing Copy Portfolio are neither the views or the opinions of this Copy Portfolio, it’s owners or it’s subsidiaries. All views and opinions concerning this Copy Portfolio can be directed in either writing or in person to the following:

COPY PORTFOLIO**

Jeffrey P. Clement4509 Summerbrook CrFort Worth, TX 76137

RADIO SPOTSTHE COMPUTER WORKS“PRESS 1”:30 RADIO SFX: THE PHONE RINGS AND IS ANSWERED BY A CALL SERVICE. THE VOICE IS OBVIOUSLY RECORDED IN THAT ROBOTIC ROBO-CALL KIND OF WAY.

VOICE: THANK YOU FOR CALLING AUTOMATED COMPUTER SERVICES.

CALLER: YES, I PURCHASED ONE OF YOUR COMPUTERS THROUGH YOUR CATALOG. I DON’T SEE A MONITOR IN THE BO…

VOICE: IF YOU HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT YOUR ACCOUNT, PRESS 1. IF YOU HAVE CALLED TO COMPLAIN, PRESS 2. IF YOU CALLED BECAUSE YOU LIKE TO TALK TO COMPUTERS, PRESS 3. IF YOU…

SFX: A BEEPING SOUND FOR THE NUMBER PRESSED.

VOICE: YOU PRESSED 3. I’M GLAD YOU DID.

CALLER: NO I DIDN’T. I PRESSED 1.

VOICE: MY FAVORITE COLOR IS GREY. I LIKE LONG WALKS BY THE CENTRAL PROCESSING UNIT. MY FAVORITE FOOD…

CALLER: I PRESSED 1! I PRESSED 1 YOU STUPID COMPUTER!

VOICE: I LIKE LISTENING TO SINATRA…

CALLER: AHHHH!

ANNCR: YOU WANT DEPENDABLE USEFUL SERVICE? THE COMPUTER WORKS HAS A SIMPLE THEORY. USE ACTUAL PEOPLE. THE COMPUTER WORKS IS LARGE ENOUGH TO HANDLE ALL OF YOUR COMPUTING NEEDS, BUT LOCAL ENOUGH TO GIVE YOU THE BEST SERVICE AVAILABLE. VISIT THEM ON THE WEB AT WWW.THECOMPUTERWORKS.NET OR CALL THEM AT 1800-871-1411


O.W. PIZZA“BUSTASEAM”:30 RADIO

SFX DISTORTED VOICE OVER THE RESTAURANT INTERCOM

VOICE: (VERY UNENTHUSIASTIC) ATTENTION BUSTASEAM PIZZA PATRONS, PLEASE BE SURE TO STOP BY OUR GREAT WALL OF PIZZA BAR TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF OUR PIZZA GORGE SPECIAL, WHERE FOR THE NEXT TEN MINUTES YOU CAN GET A FREE PASS TO OUR GRAND CANYON SALAD TROUGH. AND FORVERY SALAD BARREL FILLED, YOU WILL RECEIVE ONE FULL BLADDER BUSTER BUCKET FROM OUR WORLD FAMOUS EIFFEL TOWER FILLING STATION. AND IF YOU’RE STILL HUNGRY DON’T FORGET TO GRAB ONE OF OUR DELICIOUS PIE FEED BAGS FOR THE RIDE HOME.

ANNCR: DOES MORE REALLY MEAN BETTER? AT O. W. PIZZA YOU CAN BE SURE THAT BETTER WILL ALWAYS MEAN BETTER BECAUSE QUALITY DOES NOT COME FROM QUANTITY. QUALITY COMES FROM THE FINEST INGREDIENTS THAT MAKE THE FRESHEST HAND MADE PIZZAS. COME BY EITHER LOCATION AT WEST THIRD ACROSS FROM THE CAPITAL OR AT SADDLE CREEK SHOPPING CENTER OFF HWY 10. THAT’S O. W. PIZZA... WHERE BETTER IS BETTER.

O.W. PIZZA“Kidsariffic”:30 RADIO

SFX: DISTORTED VOICE OVER THE RESTAURANT INTERCOM

VOICE: (VERY UNENTHUSIASTIC) ATTENTION KIDSARIFFIC PIZZA GUESTS DON’T FORGET TO RESERVE BUCKY BUMBLE BEE FOR YOUR NEXT BIRTHDAY BASH. HIS BUZZ IS WORSE THAN HIS STING. HA. HA. GET IT? AHEM…REMEMBER KIDS, PEPPERONI CAN NOT BE SUBSTITUTED FOR GAME TOKENS AND OLIVES ARE NOT PROJECTILES. OH, AND WILL THE PARENTS OF JIMMY SWARTZ PLEASE COME TO THE PIZZACOPTER AND BRING A TOWEL.

ANNCR: YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO FIND OVERSIZED STUFFED ANIMALS WALKING AROUND AT O. W. PIZZA OR EVEN GAME TOKENS FOR THAT MATTER, BUT YOU WILL FIND THE FRESHEST HAND MADE PIZZAS MADE WITH THE FINEST INGREDIENTS. COME BY EITHER LOCATION AT WEST THIRD ACROSS FROM THE CAPITAL OR AT SADDLE CREEK SHOPPING CENTER OFF HWY 10. THAT’S O. W. PIZZA...WHERE BETTER IS BETTER.


Pest Control Campaign

ARMOR PEST CONTROL“Fly Away”: 30 radio

WOMAN: EECH! HONEY, COME IN HERE AND GET THIS THING!

MAN: (FAR OFF IN ANOTHER ROOM) GET WHAT THING? DON’T TELL ME IT’S ANOTHER BUG. I’M WATCHING SOMETHING.

WOMAN: IT IS ANOTHER BUG! ONE OF THOSE BIG NASTY ROACHES. AND YOU NEED TO COME GET IT NOW!

MAN: (COMING CLOSER INTO ROOM) LISTEN, IT’S NOT A BIG DEAL. JUST GET A SHOE AND SMASH THE THING.

WOMAN: IT IS A BIG DEAL. THAT THING IS DISGUSTING.

MAN: IT’S JUST CRAWLING AROUND. LOOK, I’LL SHOW YOU. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS GET OVER IT WITH YOUR SHOE…IT’S NOT GOING TO FLY AWA….AHH! (SCREAMS A HIGH PITCH GIRLISH SCREAM) IT FLEW IN MY HAIR! IT’S IN MY HAIR! GET IT! I CAN FEEL IT SQUIRMING!

WOMAN: I’M NOT TOUCHING THAT THING!

MAN: (RUNNING OUT) THIS WHAT I GET FOR LEAVING THE COUCH!

ANNCR: DOES THIS SCENE HAVE TO HAPPEN? CALL ARMOR PEST CONTROL TODAY AT 1-888-674-PEST FOR A PROFESSIONAL ASSESSMENT FOR ALL OF YOUR EXTERMINATING NEEDS. THE REPUTATION YOU SAVE MAY BE YOUR OWN.


TV SPOTSOPEN ON:Tight Close up on a man sitting in a chair. HE speaks in a very serious tone

MAN 1THERE ARE TIMES I FEEL SO ALONE….LIKE I’M THE ONLY ONE IN THE ROOM EVEN IF THERE IS A CROWD. I FEEL LIKE NO ONE KNOWS ME...THE REAL ME...I JUST WISH PEOPLE KNEW THE REAL ME.The song All By Myself by Eric Carmen begins on the last line

CUT TO:

(All action is slowed to the pace of the song) We see him walking with a very serious almost depressed expression into a conference office meeting with executive types sitting around a large conference table. He takes a seat.

PAN:

The camera pans the people carrying on the teleconference meeting in dramatic overlays from one direction to another while he sits in the middle spot at the table looking expressionless.

CUT TO:Him walking out of the building to his car in the parking lot.

CUT TO:Him sliding into the car.

CUT TO:Close up of his butt that has an obvious smartphone in his pocket

CUT TO:Close up of phone within the pocket capturing the phone “Butt Dialing”.

CUT BACK TO:The meeting room with all the execs still in the meeting. The conference phone rings and someone answers it.

CUT BACK TO:The guy in the car where he turns on the radio with the song ALL BY MYSELF playing where he joins in the crescendo chorus VERY LOUDLY in a VERY OFF KEY TONE for all his glory.

CUT BACK TO:The Close-up of the phone broadcasting this song back to the meeting room

The MEEETING ROOM where all the execs are transfixed on the phone in the middle of the meeting room with the Guy singing very loudly and off key.

We then hear in voiceover from announcer: ANNOUNCER

When you think you’re alone and all by yourself, remember you are NEVER Truly alone.CUT BACK TO:

The GUY singing loudly

END SPOT

SPEC AD: YOU’RE NOT ALONE


We open to a very intense chase sequence.

An exotic sports car swerves into the camera shot followed by a black sedan with dark tinted windows. They proceed at a high rate of speed on a curving road alongside a cliff overlooking the Pacific Ocean. The camera shots cut between the two cars as they dodge and swerve each other. As the sports car approaches one curve, a black helicopter rises from beneath the cliff and joins chase with the black sedan. They continue toward a tunnel. The cars disappear into the darkness. The helicopter has to fly around the mountain side.

CUT TO:The other side of the mountain. But instead of seeing the exotic sports car, we see the black sedan exit the tunnel. And before it realizes to turn around it runs smack into another black sedan parked in a road block. There is a terrific explosion.

CUT TO:Just as the two cars explode, we cut back to the other entrance from within the tunnel. We find the sports car as it turns on its lights and heads back out in the other direction. We close in on the car in profile. The window rolls down as we see a beautiful blonde woman smiling in the mirror. As she begins to drink a beverage, we pull out of frame. We continue to pull out until a television frame is seen. At this point, we

CUT TO:

INT. APARTMENTTwo guys are sitting on the sofa watching the preceding commercial. (This is important) We only see them in extreme closeup in profile. In fact, we do not see them since the two cans of COCA-COLA each is holding is blocking their face. Each guy takes a drink after each line of dialogue.

GUY 1WHAT WAS THAT? I HAVE COMPLETELY NO IDEA WHAT THESE THINGS EVEN SELL ANYMORE.

GUY 2

I’M WITH YA ON THAT. FROM THE LOOK OF THOSE CURVY ROADS, I’D SAY THAT WAS THE CLASSIC CAR COMMERCIAL. ALTHOUGH IT WAS MISSING THE SKIDDING-ON-WET-PAVEMENT SCENE.

GUY 1 NAH. THAT WASN’T A CAR AD. THEY DIDN’T MENTIONED OR EVEN SHOW THE EMBLEM WHAT KIND OF CAR THAT WAS. BUT THAT EXPLOSION KICKED! NICE PYRO. THAT MUST HAVE COST A PRETTY PENNY NOT TO SELL US ANYTHING.

GUY 2OH YEAH, YOU’RE RIGHT ON THAT ONE. AND THAT CHICK WAS HOT. I BET IT WAS A SHAMPOO COMMERCIAL.

GUY 1I’M NOT SURE ON THAT. SHE DIDN’T WAVE HER HAIR AROUND BACK AND FORTH IN SLOW MOTION.

GUY 2DIDN’T IT LOOK LIKE SHE WAS ABOUT TO DRINK SOMETHING THERE AT THE END.

GUY 1WHAT WOULD BE THE POINT OF THAT? WHAT, IF YOU DRINK SOME BEVERAGE, IT WILL GIVE SOME MYSTICAL AMAZING ABILITY TO OUT RUN SOME WEIRD SPY CARS IN A HIGH SPEED PURSUIT. GIVE ME A BREAK. MAN, I NEED SOME MORE PRETZELS. He gets up from the sofa, placing the can on a coffee table. The shot stays on the COCA-COLA can as he walks away.

FADE OUT ON COCA-COLA CAN

SPEC AD2: COCA-COLA (Or any Beverage)


SPEC AD2: COCA-COLA (Or any Beverage)

PRINT


to blog or not to blog5 Things to know about those “Things” lists...1). They are made up with the expert skill of a monkey in a banker’s suit. Yeah, he looks like a Banker, he makes you smile, but still...He’s a monkey. If you want to feel better than the rest of the loony bin, just type up a numbered list. I’m doing that or right now, and I already feel better than most. I may even walk over to Whole Foods and go pick out some Organic Almond Butter just to complete the day.

2). They let you know that yes there are 22 things worth knowing about Mr. T’s Mohawk. No matter how mundane, how insane, or even how little we use propane, you can still create interest in a subject the second you put a number in front of it.

3.). Today more than ever our youth need to know things in a listed format. I am pushing for this meth-od to be applied to World History in public schools. My children WILL KNOW the 10 different mus-tache styles of Adolph Hitler before he settled on the “Hardy”. They will know 9 ways Napoleon liked his eggs. If they graduate and don’t know the 5 different decapitating methods of Genghis Khan, I would feel I have failed as a father. History isn’t just for Wikipedia rewrites.

4.). Did you know for every time a click is made on a Things list, a blogger gets an ironic coffee mug? The more you validate a blogger, the more that blogger then believes that a laptop in a coffee house is where they belong, thus creating a condition I call Eye Focal Evaporation. And as with any sudden ailment named by social media (as I have just named), Something Must Be Done! So, with just a small donation in the amount of just a cup of coffee, you too can help feed this blogger. (Or you can just buy me a cup of coffee, either way I’m fed)

5.) Finally, the last number of the list, that moment you can now start the process of working your way back into what you get paid to do. But before that hard transition back into the sweatshop, make sure you check ...1) That Pinterest page on Smocks of the Adirondacks... 2) That Facebook notice from the cousin of your wife’s mother who needs you to like their new stadium in Cityville so they can put a new expansion Football team in that stadium!...3) That Drudge article that is not about the Ukrainian crisis, but how did Lindsey Lohan get drunk naked this time...4). That Career Builder job list that STILL comes to your inbox despite being employed for 5 years. Perhaps telemarketing for Polar Ice Fishing Insurance could be the dream job you’ve always wanted....and lastly 5) That twitter account you like to bring your Chaucer-like prose to. Oh, if only Canterbury Tales been written in 140 words or less tales, I would have had time read ALL of my Mad Magazines, understood exactly how much I sucked at Pitfall, and tried my hand at shoplifting candy from the grocery store up the street. But then again, that would have taken away the blackmail I held against my brother for at least 4 years. My mom had no idea why he loved emptying the dishwasher so much. Oooh...this reminds me of another Things list..14 Things to Know About Having Family Memebers Do Your Every Bidding...Ahhh, the Coffee House will just have to keep that WiFi connected tomorrow too.


When The Sky Collided

The Pale Blue Sky Collided Into Clouds Of Ash

Shattered Glass Rained From The Heavens

Flames Poured Out of Bleeding Wounds

Feet Scattered

Sirens Rang

Hoses Were Stretched

Heroes Marched

The Brave “Rolled”

The Trapped Leapt

TVs Scrolled The Missing

Tears Poured

Hearts Broke

A Country Changed

And A People Never Forgot 9/11/01

JC


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