january 2013 censor this

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Our Tabloid Issue Volume 8, Issue 4 CENSOR T HIS ! BREAKING NEWS FROM KSS & BEYOND! January 23, 2013 WHO FATHERED THIS BABY? MR. M C CONNELL MOVES TO THE... SIDE! DARK GRAD 668 6 Free SCANDALS AT KSS http://www.kss.sd23.bc.ca/About/CensorThis/Pages/default.aspx January 23,2013 Cut out for Biebs?

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January issue of KSS Censor This!

TRANSCRIPT

Page 1: January 2013 Censor This

Our Tabloid IssueVolume 8, Issue 4

CENSOR THIS!BREAKING NEWS FROM KSS & BEYOND!

January 23, 2013

WHO FATHERED THIS BABY?MR. MCCONNELL MOVES TO THE...

SIDE!DARK GRAD

668 6

Free

SCANDALSAT KSS

http://www.kss.sd23.bc.ca/About/CensorThis/Pages/default.aspx

January 23,2013

Cut out for Biebs?

Page 2: January 2013 Censor This

2 JANUARY 23 2013 CENSOR THIS

Who is Censor This?General Editor: Renee BergerJournalism crew: Brienne Welton, Danielle Beleutz, Zoë Shay, Lauren Boyd, Mishka Miller, Mary Bunka, Harsha Bharma, Sarah Thorburn, Esme Jackson, Kolby Zinger-Harris, Julia Roigk, Mackenzie Schermann, Jayden Craigie, Jess D’Vaz, Mr. Manderioli.

4-5: News6: Super Girl7: Grad Scandals8: Pact with Satan9: Apocalypse Survival Stories10: Dear Daisy11: Youtube Sensations12: Grad Sleepover13: Cut for Bieber 14: Bilingualism15: If these two had children.... 16-17: Entertainment18: Candids20: Joke Off

Inside this Issue:

4 8

The holidays are over and thankful-ly we all survived the apocalypse. That just means that it's time to study for exams. Censor This! has decided to take on the role of a tabloid this month to give you some-thing entertaining to read between assignments. Want to hear the latest news on the NHL lockout? Check out page 4. We have uncovered the shocking truth about the grad presidents, all will be revealed on page 7. On pages 8 and 9 discover which teacher made a pact with the devil and how fellow students and staff survived the 'apocalypse'. Take a look at page 15 for an extra laugh as we show you what your fellow teach-ers and students children would look like. We have everything from book reviews to album reviews on our entertainment pages, which can be found on pages 16 and 17 this month. To finish off, we once again have our joke off, starring myself and the lovely Ms. Bede, and mini horoscopes all on page 19. Censor This! would love to hear from you! So if you have any stories, pictures, or artwork to submit send them to Mr. Manderioli in room 231 or to [email protected]. Make sure to check out our next issue on February 27th and good luck on your exams!

Editor’s Message....

-Renee Berger XOXO

6

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CENSOR THIS JANUARY 23 2013 3

15

+

=

12 17

DON’T MISS

Wednesday January 30th

KSS GRADFASHION

SHOW

MPR @ 7 PM

THE

-Renee Berger XOXO

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4 JANUARY 23 2013 CENSOR THIS

Krokodil,acousintomorphineandcheaperalternativetoheroin,haswormeditswayintotheveinsofRussiandrugsaddictsoverthepast4yearsanditsuseisbecominganation-alepidemic.TimeMagazineaswellasTheIn-dependenthavedrawnattentiontothisgrowingissue,hopefullysheddingsomelightwiththeirsurprisingfactsandinterviews.CensorThis!istakingtheopportunitytoshowcasethestruggleagainstthisdirtydesignerdrug. Withapproximately2millionheroinusersinRussiait’snowondersomeofthemareturningtoacheaperandmoreconvenientalter-native.ThesideeffectsofKrokodil,ordesomor-phine,areterrifyingandgruesomeyetRussianyoutheverywherearerunningtotheirlocalphar-maciestopickuptheingredientsfortheirfix.Ironically,allthecomponentsofKrokodilarefoundinapharmacyandcanbepurchasedbyvirtuallyanyone,evenlittlegirlsorelderlycitizens.Themainingredient,headachepillsthatcontaincodeine,areavailableverycheapandwithoutprescription.Otheringredientsincludegasoline,paintthinner,hydrochloricacid,iodineandredphosphorouswhichisscrapedfromthestrikingpadsofmatchboxes.Allthecomponentsarecombined,boiled,distilledandtheninjectedintothebloodstreamviasyringe. Krokodilwasn’tgivenacreepyreptiliannamefornoreason-theskinaroundtheinjectionsiteontheuser’sbodybecomesgreenandscaly,aresultofthebloodvesselsbreakingandtheskindecomposing.

Othermajorsideeffectsincludegangrene,whichoftenleadstoamputations,andthedissipationofbonetissue.EvenafterusingKrokodilforashortperiodoftime,opensoresandabscessescanbeseendecoratingthebodiesofRussianyouth.TheaverageKrokodiluserisn’texpectedtolivepast2-3years. Thishiddenepidemiciskillingthousandsofpeople,andensnaringhundredsofthousandsmore.PharmacyclerksaresellingRussianpeopletheingredientstoslowlykillthemselves.Theroadtorecoveryisalong,dark,andverypainfulone.Krokodiladdictsthatgointoareha-bilitationcenterexperienceextremewithdrawalsymptoms,manyofthepatientsneedingtran-quilizerstopreventthemfrompassingoutduetotheimmensepain.Patientsaregiventwoweekstorecoverfromtheinsomnia,nauseaandotherwithdrawalsymptomsbeforegivensmallchoresaroundtherehabcenter. Forsomerecoveringaddicts,desomor-phinewillleavethemwithspeechimpediments,restrictedmotorskills,thedazedmoodofalobotomizedvegetable,andfortheunluckyfew-amputationsandscars. ThankfullywehaveyettoseeKrokodilaffectothercountriesthewayithasscarredRus-sia.Theingredientsaren’tsoreadilyavailabletoothernations,andbecauseRussiahasthemostheroinusersintheworld,drugaddictsinothercontinentsarelesslikelytoturntoKrokodil.HopefullyRussiawillbegintooffersupportandhealthcaretothedrug-taintedyouthsquattinginabandonedbuildingsalloverthenation.

LIFE SAVERS

RUSSIA’SVERYOWNZOMBIEAPOCALYPSE

LifeSaversisagroupinourownschooldistrictspreadingawarenessaboutteensuicide.Manyculturalassembliesareusuallyforgottenminutesafterwalkingoutofthedoors,buttheLifeSaversassemblyonNovember26thwasoneIremembered.Itwasfilledwithinspiringstoriesofovercomingdifferentstrugglesinyourlife. Manylikemeoftenthinkthatsome-thinglikethatwouldneverhappentomeandmyfriends.ButIrealizedyoujustneverknow.Smallandsimpleactsofrandomkindnesscanchangesomeoneorevensavealife.Iguessthisissueisoftenoverlookedbecauseit’ssodrasticbutit’soutthere. Inoursocietymanyareonlyconcernedwiththeirwell-beingandthat’sokbecausethat’sjustusbeinghuman.TheLifeSaverswasaneyeopenertome--asitwastomany--tonotbesoquicktojudge.Highschoolisaplaceofjudgementbutitcanalsobeasafehavenwherewecangotohavefunandbeourselves.Yet,manypeoplehidebehindmasksscaredtoshowtheir“truecolours.” Duringtheassemblyastorywassharedofsomeone’sextremelybravebattlewithcanceranddepression.ThesearethepeopleIlookuptobecauseofalltheirstrengthandcourage.Intheendthisassemblywasgreatandifyouwanttogetinvolvedyourselfyoucanvisittheirweb-

by Jess D’Vaz

by Zoe Shay

The pictures above show Krokodil ingredients and the cooking process. All pictures taken from Google.

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CENSOR THIS JANUARY 23 2013 5

126DAYSOFNOHOCKEYYes,saytheplayersandowners.Asthecol-lectivebargainingagreement(CBA)ranoutinSeptember,theNHLandtheNHLPAmetbehindthenegotiationtableswithvaryingsuccess.Morethanonceinsidesourcesspokeofpromisingproposals,whichwereonlyshotdownagainintheend.Finally,after113daysofmeetings,stoppagesofcontactand16-hourpowersession,thetwosidesreacheda‘tentativeagreementonatenyearCBA’.Thenewdealsplitstherevenue50%-50%betweenownersandplayers,whichisareces-sionof7%forthelattergroup.Otherchangesincludesternerrulesregardingthesalarycapwithpunishmentfortryingtocircumventitbygivingplayersmulti-milliondealswithyearsofonly$1milliontackedtotheendtokeepthecaphitdown.Thedealwasalmostlastminute;onlyafewdaysmoreandtheentireseasonwouldhavehadtobecancelled.TheNHLsetthedeadlineforanagreementforJanuary11,reasoningthatiftheycouldn’tstartbyJanuary19,theseasonwouldbetooshort.Theseasonisshortenedasitiswiththe30teamsplaying48gameseachinsteadoftheusual82beforetheplayoffs.

by Julia RoigkWhatdetermineswhoplaysintheplayoffsthisyearisn’thowlongtheteamscanendureandhowwelltheycanpreservetheirenergy.Thisyearwhatmattersishowwelltheteamstartsoffatthebeginningoftheseason.Sincethereislesstimemoreback-to-backgameswillbeplayed,invitinginjury.Someteamsalsohavethead-vantageofplayerswhoarealreadywarmedup,havingplayedinSwitzerlandlikePatrickKane(ChicagoBlackhawks)andTylerSeguin(BostonBruins),GermanylikeClaudeGirouxandDanielBrière(PhiladelphiaFlyers)ortheKHLassev-eralRussianstarssuchasAlexanderOvechkin(WashingtonCapitals)orEvgeniMalkin(Pitts-burghPenguins)havedone.Onequestion,however,remains:Willthefanscomeback?Thereactionsweremixedafterthelockoutendedtwoweeksago.Somefanswereoverjoyedthathockeywasback.Somewere,mayberightly,notsoamusedwiththeNHL’santics.GaryBettman,commissionerfortheNHLandoneofthetwomainfiguresinvolvedinthelock-outbusiness,hasalreadyapologized.Sohavesomeoftheteams.Butwillitbeenough?Willasimpleapologygetbackfanswhohavebeenangeredbythesecondlockoutin8years?

SEMI FORMAL!

FEBRUARY13MPR-DOORSOPENAT6:30

STARTSAT7

GRAD

don’t

miss

it!

2013 ~See you at The “Westerns”Feb. 7, 8, 9, at KSS

Photo taken by Joel Todd

Editor’sNote:AsofJanuary21,itseemsthatthefansarewillingtocomeback.Severalgamesthispastweekendweresoldout,andCSNhadmoreTVviewersthaneverforaregularseasongame.

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6 JANUARY 23 2013 CENSOR THIS

There is new evidence circulating that a teacher actually lives at our school. Unusual blankets piled in a corner under the stairs, dirty plates piled in the sinks of the foods room long after class is done, security cameras picking up dark shadows flitting around corners at night and a large onesie hanging in the multipurpose room. This can only mean one thing -someone is liv-ing at our school and this mysterious teacher is none other than the biology teacher Cory Lesiuk! Living at school can bring up a number of problems. Where to shower? Which room would be the perfect bedroom? And the best question of all, who would want to live at school in the first place? Mr. Lesiuk has solved these problems with the change room show-ers and a mattress in the darkroom. Lesiuk’s daily diet living at school consists of whatever can be scrounged up in the foods room, steal-ing other people’s lunches at lunch time, and pizza delivery for dinner. Who would want to live at school? Well a teacher would, of course. But why does Mr. Lesiuk live at school? When asked this baffling question he responded, “I use to spend so much time at school anyway; I’d get there at the crack of dawn in the morn-ing and stay late into the night marking. One night I decided to stay here and it was great!” Last; why does Lesiuk never get kicked out by the janitors in the night? For all the conspiracy theorists out there, perhaps the janitors and Lesi-uk are in cahoots. In exchange for keeping quiet about his new abode, Lesiuk keeps quiet about who is actually writing on the bathroom stalls…

Lauren Boyd is not just your average grade 11 student. She is a mutant from the planet Omarz.We have been hanging out for a while and she trusted me enough to reveal her true self to me. Obviously I have betrayed her trust by publishing this in the school newspaper.Her powers consist of flying, x-ray vi-sion, mind reading and super speed.She, however, does not abuse them or use them unnecessarily and tries her best to keep them under control. Believe it or not she is the rea-son Kelowna is a safe place. In the wee hours of the night, when this small town is asleep, she walks Bernard Avenue looking for trou-blesome individuals and prosecutes them.

At school she pretends to be the aver-age teenager, ones who does her work and through the ropes. Lauren even became a vic-tim of bullying once but she never reacted. I did some research on her family history and I found out that she is from the lineage of Super-man, Wonder Woman and other great superheroes.

by Lauren Boyd

Superman is her great-grandfather, Superwoman is her great-aunt and she is the second cousin of Thor. Her current relatives, howeverm are not su-per humans, the powers skipped a few gen-erations so she is sometimes treated as an out-cast by her own relatives because of this. It is highly likely that her children will not have superpowers but her grandchildren might.

I urge you not to mess with Lauren be-cause when she gets angry she is uncontrol-lable; she is also distant relatives with Hulk.

Lauren once said to me “it’s not easy be-ing a superhero but somebody has to do it.”With this knowledge that you now have try to treat her as normal as you did before.

I just felt like the school body had a right to know.

Heroes & the Homeless at our School!The shocking truth! A Censor THIS! exclusive!Lauren: KSS’ Own Super Girl!

“It’s not easy being a super-hero...”

T e a c h e r LIVES at KSS!

by Mishka-Gaye Miller

Lauren is responsible for saving the lives of over 23 people to date but is best known for pre-venting the UFO’s over Glenmore from invad-ing K-town this past Christmas Eve.

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CENSOR THIS JANUARY 23 2013 7

Well, it was fun, but it seems to be the end of an era. Say goodbye to your skinny jeans, ev-eryone. They’ve been outlawed from the halls of KSS. During a meeting over the break, KSS Admin decided that skinny jeans will be banned starting February 1. The ban will also include “jeggings” and “pajama jeans.”

“Skinny jeans and jeggings may cover all of the leg, but they are so tight that students may as well be wearing no pants at all. It’s a gross violation of our dress code here at KSS. Stu-dents are paying more attention to each oth-er’s legs and bums than to their lessons. This must be remedied,” stated Mrs. Kintzinger.

When questioned about pajama jeans, which are not as provocative as skinny jeans and jeg-gings, Kintzinger stated that “pajama jeans are simply too ugly and unfashionable to be worn at school. We have standards here, you know.”

A grade 12 student who would prefer to remain anonymous was, like many students, outraged. “This is so unfair! What are they going to do next, demand we wear shirts with straps? We should totally stage a protest or something.” In fact, this student would like to take the opportunity to call out to KSS. “If you feel this ban is unfair, please help me in fighting it. Wear red skinny jeans and a black shirt on the first day of the ban to fight back.”

Beginning on February 1, any student, male or female, that is caught wearing the banned attire will be given a “more modest” clothing substitute to wear for the remainder of the day. SD23 has provided KSS with $2,500 to purchase parachute pants for those that cannot comply with the ban.

Parachute pants were tested in ten Vancouver high schools and were found to reduce sexual tension by 56% and improve students’ con-centration on their studies by a massive 73%. “You can’t argue with the numbers,” said Dr. Mod Esty, chief of parachute-pant implementa-tion in BC. “Moving away from skinny jeans is the best thing that this school district has done since switching KSS to the semester system.”

by Mary Bunka

S k i n n y J e a n s Banned!

GRAD SCANDALS!B i g f o o t ! I m m o r t a l s ! What KSS Hoped You’d Never Find Out!

He’s big, he’s hairy, and we have an explanation for you! Liam Bergin is inevitably Kelowna’s very own half-breed Sasquatch, or as it’s better known: ‘Bigfoot.’ Casually seen walking through woodland areas and leaving behind footprints too large for any human, Bergin is determined to be the mysterious large figure that has been photographed running through our mountain habitats.The world famous sasquatch species is said to be living in the northwest pacific, an area ranging from southern BC to upper Oregon. It is believed that multiple Bigfoot type figures live in the area, finding shelter on the mountain ranges, and eating the natural resources available. Several sightings have been issued in Kelowna, with time periods ranging in the last three years. The idea is plausible. Half-sasquatch, half-human, Liam Bergin may be the first sasquatch hybrid that Canada has seen. So what’s your verdict, KSS? Liam Bergin, a modern day monkey? Blago Hristovski knows it all; he plays the saxophone, he scuba dives, and yet he still manages to get the grades. So you have to wonder, when did he learn it all? Who has the time to excel in so many different things? Well, you wouldn’t have trouble with time if you had an eternity to live. And so, it all makes sense… Blago Hristovski is an immortal. If you’d like to get technical, you may say he has a strange case of enhanced regeneration. This is the ability to heal from any ailments, which basically grants immortality. Though, we aren’t able to explain his youth. I’m afraid that for now, that will remain a mystery, KSS.

Blago played as

defenseman on KSS’

1921 Boys’ AAA Bas-

ketball Team.

by Esme Jackson

OMG! It’s Liam!

Page 8: January 2013 Censor This

DiD Dave McconnellSEll HIS SOUL TO

SATANSurvivors of the apocalypse

ManystudentsknowwhoMr.McConnellis,butthereisonethingthathehasmanagedtokeephiddenfromthem.Ontheoutsideheseemslikeanordinaryguy;hemakesalivingteachingEnglishandPsychologyandinhisfreetime,heplaystheblueswithhisbandDownhome Dave and the Dynamite.PeoplewhoknowMr.Mc-Connellknowthathegenerallyisn'tveryserious,butdespitethat,hismusicisactuallyquitegood.SohowdoessomeonelikeMcConnellhavesomuchbluestalent?There'sonlyoneanswer,hesoldhissoultothedevil.FromtheverystartwhenMr.McConnelllivedintheMississippiDeltaandworkedasasharecrop-per,healwayslovedtheblues,butsadlyhehadzerotalent.Nomatterhowmuchhepracticedhenevergotanybetter.Onmanyoccasionshewasbooedoffofthestageandafewtimesrottenfruit

wasthrownathim,dirtyinghisnewclothes.Afteroneparticularlybadshow,herecalledthemyththatatthecrossroadsyoucansellyoursoultothedevilandreceivemagicalbluestalent.Withhisspiritscrushed,McConnelldidn'tthinkthatanythingcouldbeworsethanwhathesuf-fered,sowithnothingbuthisguitarandharmon-icahestartedwalkingtowardshislasthope:thefamedcrossroadsbetweenhighway49and61inClarksdale,Mississippi.Ashecontinuedalonghestartedtoregrethishastydecisionbuthebelievedthatnothingmatteredanywaysifhecouldn'tplaytheblues.Finallyhearrived.Sweatwasdrippingslowlydownhisfaceasthefearsankin.Heknewthough,thathewouldneveramounttoanythingifhedidn'tgothroughwithit.Hebegantoplayhisguitarandsoonenoughadarkfigureap-

pearedbeforehim. "Withtalentlikethatyousureneedmyhelp,"Satanlaughed.McConnellnoddedsheep-ishlyandonceagainregrettedhisdecisionbutitwastoolatetobackdown. "Doyouagreetothetermsandcondi-tions?"Satanasked.ImmediatelyMcConnellrepliedwithasolemnyes.Thedeedwasdoneandtheyproceededtosliceopentheirpalmsandshakehands. "I'llseeyouintheafterlife,"Satansaidsmugly.Suddenlyhevanishedandallthatwasleftinhisplacewasacloudofsmoke.McCon-nellreturnedhome,contentthathecouldnowplaythebluesbutterriblyafraidforwhatawaitedhim.Intheendthough,hestillwoundupasaschoolteacher(evenSatandidnotforeseethis.)Seemsasifhesoldhissoulfornothing...suchasadturnofeventscouldgiveanyonetheblues.

byReneeBerger

Photo credits to Renee Berger, Lauren Boyd and Harsha Bharma.

eXCLUSIVE NEVER-SEEN-BEFORE PICTURES OF mR. mCcONNELL!

“Whatdoyoumeanyoudon’tknow?Didn’tIteachyouanything?”

Mr.McConnellandhisfriendBeyonce “GETOUT!!!”

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DiD Dave McconnellSEll HIS SOUL TO

SATANSurvivors of the apocalypse

hermindandcometotermswith'theend'shegatheredanamplecollectionofphilosophicalpublicationsbysagesinstructingpeopleonhowtocopewiththeendoftimes.Arecommenda-tionbyMs.Bede:lotsofchocolate.Alongwithgoodbooksandmusic,comfortfoodisessentialforsurvival.KD,gyoza,perogees,poutineandcheesewereafewoftheitemsonhermenu.Wastingawayinaprotectedundergroundbaseorcavewasnotthewaytostayalive.AccordingtoMs.Bedelivingoutintheopenair,eatingwellandreadingphilosophicalworksisthekeytosuccess!Onethingwe'velearnedfromthisapocalypse:everyonemusthaveasurvivalstrategyreadybeforehand.Keepthesesurvivaltechniquesinmindbecauseyoujustneverknowwhenyou'llneedthem!

"Grabbedallmycomfortfoodsandwater.ThenIdugaholetolivein."

"Stoleallthecheesiesintheworldandatethemall."LiamFindlay

CristinaCondotta

"DrummedasloudasIcouldwiththewin-dowsopen."

KellyGrant

"AtealltheicecreamIcouldfind!"

AdrianaParker

ThebiggestquestionofDecember2012was"HowamIgoingtosurvivetheapocalypse?"Whentheworldendedincolossalcatastropheonthe21,millionsofunpreparedpeopleperished.Thisdemonstratedtheimportanceofagoodsur-vivalplan.CensorThis!canexclusivelyrevealthefool-proofmethodsofsomeofoursuccessfulteachersurvivorswhowerereadyfortheendoftheworld. Astheworldfellapartandsocietyasweknewitwasdestroyed,KSSEnglishteacherMs.Lemongrabbedherwaterpurifierandback-packinggearinpreparationforhersurvival.Herdestination:asfarawayfromthecitiesandtheremainingpeopleaspossible.Afterleavingplentyofextrafoodforhercatthatsheunfortu-natelyhadtoleavebehind,Ms.Lemontookhergearandherlovedonestothecountryside.The

keyofthisoperationwasfindingaplacewherepeoplecouldliveindependentlyoffofthelandbyfarmingandgathering.SomeadvicefromMs.Lemon:wheninapanickedcrowdextractyour-selfbyrunningintheoppositedirectionofthemob. ThesecretofMr.Brown'ssurvivalwaspre-apocalypticresearch.TheFrenchandSocialStudiesteacherspentmanyhoursleadinguptotheendoftheworldwatchingapocalypsemov-ies.SurvivaltacticsgatheredfromfilmssuchasIamLegendandCastawayhelpedhimtocopyasuccessfulstrategyofsurvivalfromthecharac-tersofthesefilms.Astheworldwasendingteacher-librarianMs.Bedetoastedtoagoodlifeingratitudeforthefortunatelivesweledinthiscountry,asopposedtolessfortunatethirdworldcountries.Toease

What did these students do at the end

of the world?

These Three Kss Teachers survive end of The World!byBrienneWelton

MEET THE

Ms. Lemon Mr. Brown Ms. Bede

eXCLUSIVE NEVER-SEEN-BEFORE PICTURES OF mR. mCcONNELL!

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10 JANUARY 23 2013 CENSOR THIS

The Very Unexpected Life of Our Head Custodian...

by Kolby Zinger-Harris.

Hey It’s Daisy!! Not feeling well? Something’s got you down? Have no one to talk to? Well now you do! Contact Daisy and she will give you the best advice around because she cares.

You might have seen Kelowna Secondary's Head Custodian Steve Fuller keeping a close eye on the school's halls. However, many people are unaware of the life he hides behind an obscure mask of lies. Fuller has recently revealed that being Head Custodian is the perfect front for a spymaster plan-ning to take over the world. "World domination is a very ambitious undertaking, to say the least," explained Fuller to an undercover correspondent. "The trick is to never go to sleep so you can stay awake and plot. While the quest for domination has been long and arduous, it never fails to put a smile on my face," Fuller assured. "There's something about spreading my totalitarian reign across the globe that keeps me on my toes." Our correspondent dug in to find out the details of Fuller's intricate plan. He explained that his position at KSS plays an essential role in the path to total control. "Working in a high school is the best way to learn about dictatorship and oppression. The fact that no one would ever suspect a custodian is just an added bonus." It's clear that it won't be long now before he owns all of us. The only question that remains is what will be the title of this new ruler. "This is something I've been thinking a lot about," said Fuller excitedly. "At first I thought High Emperor would be best, but now I'm considering His Liege, King Steve the Conqueror." Keep your eyes open for this uprising tyrant who'll be reigning over you soon! Censor This' last bit of advice: run!

Dear Daisy: I used to date this boy for a little a while and we are no longer together again. He seemed like a nice person when we were dating but it was not working out because we had too many differenc-es. He is now telling all his friends that he had sex with me but I did not. What should I do?P.L.

Dear P.L,In situations like this all you can do is try to clear the air by explaining the truth and if that doesn’t work just ignore the negative co doesn’t work just ignore the negative com-ments. As long as you know the truth that’s all that matters.Daisy.

Dear Daisy: My little sister is constantly in my room and going through my stuff. She even tries my makeup and she is only 9 how do I get her to stop?K.P

Dear K.P: Maybe your little sister finds you interesting! Right now you might be the coolest person she knows and she aspires to be like you. That’s why she goes through your stuff and tries them on. Don’t be so hard on her and try to let her understand you don’t like her go-ing through your stuff! Try to spend more time with her though and let her try on your stuff every once in a while.Daisy.

Dear Daisy: My parents recently got divorced and they keep on try-ing to make me pick sides on who is right and who is the better parent. I love them both equally so I'm con-fused, what should I do?T.M.

Dear T.M: I am sorry to hear that your parents got divorced and they are trying to make you up pick sides, they really shouldn’t do that. Try to explain to them how it makes you feel and ask them to stop be-cause that is really not fair to you.Good luck!Daisy.

“The world is MINE!!”

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Sensations

Study Tips for Test Survival

This Month’s

Well, it's that time of the year again. The semester is about to end and provincials are just around the corner. Some of you might be stressing out for your provincials but no need to worry. I have some very helpful tips for studying either alone or in big/small groups. The most important tip is do not procrastinate. Studying the night before the exam and pulling an all-nighter is not a good strategy. You won't get enough sleep and exhaustion will re-duce the amount of information you remember.

If you're going to study alone, first of all you need to learn to prioritize your time. Unless you make a plan for you goal it will be very hard to achieve it. Then you should get rid of all the things that are distracting for you and find a quiet place to study such as your "study" room or the library. You should also take breaks every two hours because if you just study for six straight hours then you won't remember anything you’ve just read. If you’re reading a textbook, use funny accents or make weird voices to have fun while you're studying.

Just for fun change your place of studying. Move around every half hour to gain more focus and less distraction by sitting in one spot. Getting hungry while you're studying will drive your focus away. Have some snacks that are high in vitamins rather than high in calories. Avoid potato chips, coca cola drink or sour patches. Instead eat fruits, vegetables or a salad. If you have a really boring subject to study for then get that over with first because you will just end up procrastinating. While you're studying use acronyms and index cards, they are your BFFs. Index cards are actually known to be more helpful than you think. The greatest tip of all? Go to class! Staying home or skipping out most of your classes is not beneficial to you at all. Finally, if you want all that hard work to pay off: get enough sleep.

Some think that studying alone is really hard, and prefer to work in groups. If this applies to you, here are some tips. First of all, pick a group that will actually study and not fool around otherwise it's pointless. Your study group should be a source of encouragement when you're losing your motive to study. Make sure that there's at least one person in the group who knows what's going on. Share your notes because someone else might have more information than you which will be beneficial to you. Most importantly, stay focused! It will be pointless if all of you get distracted. If you want to re-member anything you studied then get enough sleep. Studying sounds very hard but once you break it down it's very simple, all you need is motivation. Best of luck for you exams, Owls!

by Harsha Bhamra.

by Danielle Beleutz.

Psy Gangnam Style Justin Beiber ft Ludacris Baby Jennifer Lopez ft Pitbull on the floor

Eminem ft Rhianna Love the way you lie Lmfao Party rock anthem Lady Gaga Bad Romance

1 2 3

4 5 6

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12 JANUARY 27 2013 CENSOR THIS

Were you at grad “no sleep”over?

All pictures taken by Dylan Draper

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No drugs, no alcohol, and for some no promiscuous sex, caf-feine, prescription medication or animal products- think you could handle that? The straight edge subculture made itself known in the mid 1980's hardcore music scene, stemming from a band called Minor Threat, and has been going strong ever since. Being straight edge is a big commitment that isn't taken lightly in the hard-core scene. A lot of young adults have "claimed edge" and are en-couraging others to do so. Censor This! asked George, a straightedge 19 year old what he would like to convey to high school students about the straight edge culture.

"Straight Edge is a life com-mitment. Being straight edge really opened my eyes and made me realize being sober is the right thing to do. Life is too beautiful to be staying at home, drunk or high, wasting away. Straight Edge is more than just a vow though, it's a community. Thousands of people take the pledge and we are all here for each other no matter what. If you're straight edge and you feel

Living Clean and Poison-Freeby Zoe Shay

Cut For Bieber?

Photo from google.com This is a picture of a straight edge tatoo. The letter X is the most known symbol for straight edge. It’s worn as a marking on both hands but can be dis-played on other body parts as well.

by Sarah Thorburn

Obsessive fans have always been known to go to extremes to get the attention of their idols, but Justin Bieber fans have taken their commitment to a disturbing and shocking level.The #CutForBieber tag trending on Twitter is pretty sick. The whole cut for Bieber issue start-ed by the GNAA which are a group of hackers. After Justin was caught on camera holding what seemed to be marijuana, they started a disturbing ad called “Cut for Bieber,” influencing young Beliebers to self-harm in objection to his sus-pected drug use. The sickening prank all started with a harmful disgusting message board. "Let's start a cut yourself for Bieber campaign,” a twisted user posted on 4chan. “Tweet a bunch of pictures of people cutting themselves and claim we did it because Bieber was smoking weed. See if we can get some little girls to cut themselves.""@justinbieber stop smoking weed or I might actually kill myself," one fan tweeted, tweet-ing a ghastly photo of a teenage girl's slashed up arm. Fans of the singer uploaded photos of cut wrists and the campaign went viral immediately.

It appears that the campaign worked, as fans devastated by the news that their idol smoked marijuana began posting photos of their own self-harm. As people started to catch on, the hash tag started trending in the United States. Even Miley Cyrus had a quick reaction to the fans responses to Justin's marijuana use. Miley posted #cut4bieber “Cutting is NOT something to joke about. There are people who are actually suffering from self-harm, this is so disrespectful."Censor this agrees with Miley Cyrus. Self-harm is not something to be taken lightly and we are extremely disappointed in the internet users that thought it would be funny to start this campaign.

alone, realize you aren't! There are bunches of us and we all got your back through thick and thin."Every edge kid has his own per-sonal reason for claiming. When asked, George explains his decision:"When I was 15 I was already drinking. Bad move. After I saw my uncle, who was also like my best friend, pass away, it scared me. I eventually got into the hardcore scene and when I did, I met some straight edge kids who introduced me to the lifestyle. I claimed that summer. I'm almost 20 now and I wouldn't change it for the world!"

If you think this lifestyle might be for you, talk to some other people who are interested or committed and do a trial run. Be-ing straight edge is a whole new world with tons of others to wel-come you and help you along. As always, be respectful of those with different beliefs than you. Don't expect to see the straight edge way of life die out anytime soon, these individuals are head-strong and dedicated to living life poison-free.

Were you at grad “no sleep”over?

Photo from google.com Straight edge is life commitment. Being Straight edge is a great choice that can brighten people’s future and divert their mind from the bad examples in television and movies.

Justin Bieber allegedly smoking weed. Pictures taken from Google.

*TRIGGER WARNING*

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The Idiot’s Guide to Debt...Are you tired of being around friends who are in debt? Do you feel left out among your peers? Well, here are a few tips to get into debt using your credit card. You can start off by using your credit card for everyday purchases: items like food, clothing, car expenses and even gas. Us-ing your credit card as a substitute for cash is a habit that can quickly lead to debt. Second, use your credit card to buy things you can’t afford. If you can’t afford the purchase today, chances are you won’t be able to afford it next week or even the next month. So why not live the lifestyle you have always wanted with your credit card? If you max out your card then get a new one. Having multiple credit cards can help you get into debt a lot faster than you expect.

by Harsha Bhamra

If all of that isn’t working then go to the mall and look at the best deals for the new-est LCD HD 52'' TV. And since you're al-ready there why not get the newest Blue Ray player and don't forget the latest home theatre system. And the DVD's you'll want to watch tonight will also take you spiral-ing into debt. As you know now, there are many ways to get into debt. So go out there, spend some money and join your friends!

If credit cards aren’t working then create a new obsession for shoes or purses. Purses and shoes are some of those items that don't increase in value over time. Creat-ing a collection for those is a great way to lose your money. Have you ever wanted to gamble or buy one of those lottery tickets?

Now you can. They are very bad habits and can turn into great obsessions over time. If obsessions aren’t really your thing then try expensive hobbies. Hobbies tend to be money traps sometimes, and since you can't pick your favorite hobby then blow your money on all of your hobbies.

By Julia RoigkDo you speak a second language? It’s not that uncommon in Canada, with its two official languag-es, but here some little known facts and truths that you may not be aware of. The brain learns a second language differently depending on your age.When you grow up with two languages from infancy on, the brain treats the two languages like one, storing information about them in the same area in the brain. For bilinguals who learned their second language when they were older, there exist two close, but completely separate areas, seeing as the area which would usually be used for storing had already been occupied by a language by the time the foreign language was learnt.Learning a second language early allows you to circumvent the problem faced by many students that learn a language with foreign sounds in adolescence: Pronunciation. It’s why German-speakers have such a problem distinguishing between the ‘v’ in vest and the ‘w’ in west, or why Japanese- speaking students have a hard time forming an ‘l’ or an ‘r’. Their brains simply were not trained to hear the difference between those sounds, because there doesn’t exist a difference in their first lan-guage. And it is hard to change this inconvenience later on.But even people who start during adolescence have something positive. As mentioned above, the second language is stored separately, which makes recovery of speech in the case of a stroke or severe accident more likely. A young Vietnamese woman, having grown up with English and Vietnamese, started learning French just before she suffered a severe car ac-cident. She lost the ability to use either of her native tongues, but could still use the French she had acquired in adulthood.Learning a second language is beneficial for your overall life experience, too. You can not only converse with more people and make new friends, but a big vocabulary also allows you to express yourself freely. And knowing more than one language gives you more than one set of words, expressions and idioms to use.So what are you waiting for? Start learning a foreign language! It’s never too late.

Facts about Bilingualism

German exchange student Julia Roigk is fluent in German and Eng-lish and has an extensive knowledge of Latin, Spanish and Japanese. Photo by Brienne Welton.

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If These two had a baby...

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ENTERTAINMENT

TWILIGHTPRINCESS

..THE GAMEA game review by Renee Berger

Twilight Princess is one of the many games in the Legend of Zelda series. It was released in 2006, and even though a few games have been released since then, Twilight Princess is still one of the favorites among Zelda fans. People familiar with the Zelda games know that most of them are done in a more cartoonish style, but in Twilight Princess the developers rede-signed the graphics and made everything more realistic. They also put a slight twist on the clas-sic story with the introduction of the “Twilight Realm” and Link’s wolf transformation. These features make the game feel like it’s not just tar-geted to children, and all in all the game is very well designed. The game starts off like most Zelda games do. Link is just an ordinary guy living an ordinary life. When suddenly everything goes awry and suddenly Link discovers that he is the chosen hero and it’s up to him to save Hyrule. Twilight Princess is different in the way that at the beginning of the game, vast twilight encloses all of Hyrule and upon entering the twilight

Link is transformed into his spirit form, a wolf. This just means that there are all new controls to learn, because many parts of the game are played in wolf form. The first time you enter the Twi-light realm, you meet one of the Twili. Her name is Midna, and throughout the game she assists you in your quest to save Zelda. Other than that the game follows the Zelda theme quite closely. As Link, you fight through various temples (forest, water, desert, etc.) and complete many side missions to save your friends and to rescue Princess Zelda and ultimately save Hy-rule. At the end of the game, after beating many dungeons and various bosses, one last fi-nal, and epic, battle ensues. After defeating Zant, leader of the Twili/Twilight Realm, you go on to fight Ganondorf, who caused all the problems in hopes to take over Hyrule. There are four unique stages to this battle and after defeating this battle you get to watch one final shocking cut scene, and thus the game ends.

I have to say that this is definitely my favorite game of all time. The Legend of Zelda is my favorite series and this game just takes the cake. I love the storyline in this game, it is so unique and interesting and it never gets dull. I also really enjoy the gameplay; it’s challenging but not too difficult. As well, the new style of graphics adds something to the game: it makes it friendly for all ages. All in all I think that this is a really great game, I can’t think of anything I wish was done differently. This game gets a 20 out of 10 on my standards and I suggest that you get yourself a copy of this game!

Author Stephen Chbosky highlights the feeling of growing up through the eyes of Char-lie, a fifteen year old boy in his freshman year of high school. While Charlie’s middle school friends have changed over the summer, Charlie is still recovering from the suicide of his best friend. The Perks of Being a Wallflower, while set over ten years ago in 1991, still conveys the same message, and holds the same relevance. Ch-bosky’s tale describes growing up; love, loss, peer pressure, and finding yourself. The popular 2012 film adaption of this book was a hit, earning over $17 million dollars to date, and stayed to the story of the book quite nicely; however, several small things in the book were left out, or changed slightly.

Chbosky’s writing style highlights the innocence and sincerity of Charlie’s words and actions, as well as the regret and loneliness. He skillfully weaves Charlie’s tale into letters, sent to be a form of release and freedom. He uses quality, and now well recognizable, quotes to add depth to the novel, such as “We accept the love we think we deserve.” Goodreads, a website used to review and recom-mend books, has given the book a 4.15 out of 5, and the feedback on the book was overall out-standing. I would recommend this book to anybody, young or old, a sci-fi lover or a romance lover, because this book resonates, and strikes a certain chord within all of us.

THE PERKS OF BEING AWALLFLOWER a book review by Mackenzie Schermann

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In society today, celebrities are some of the most influential people. Some of the most popular and well known people in the world are today’s celebrities. Taylor Swift is one of the most well known celebrities of this decade. Taylor Alison Swift, born December 13, 1989, now 23, is an American singer-songwriter. She was raised in Wyomissing, Pennsylvania, and she moved to Nashville, Tennessee at the age of fourteen to pursue a career in country music. She signed to the independent label Big Machine Re-cords and became the youngest songwriter ever hired by the Sony/ATV Music publishing house. On her fan site, there are a few personal details. Her favourite number is 13, she has a cat named Meredith, and her biggest fear is getting bad news, or letting someone down. It also says that she goes into a trance when she’s in an antique store

The release of her debut album in 2006 estab-lished her as a country music star. She is the youngest person to single-handedly write and perform a number one song on the country chart. She received a Best New Artist nomination at the 2008 Grammy Awards. Her second album be-came the top-selling album of 2009 and was sup-ported by an extensive concert tour. The record won four Grammy Awards, with Swift becoming the youngest ever Album of the Year winner. Swift’s third album, Speak Now sold over one million copies in its first week of US release and was supported by the thirteen-month Speak Now World Tour. Swift’s fourth album, Red, was re-leased in 2012. Its opening US sales of 1.21 mil-lion were the highest recorded in a decade, with Swift becoming the only female artist to have two million-plus opening weeks. The Red Tour is scheduled to begin in March 2013.

As a songwriter, she has been honoured by the Nashville Songwriters Association and the Songwriters Hall of Fame Taylor Swift is known for her hook-laden, narrative songs about her ex-periences as a teenager and young adult. Swift’s achievements include 6 Grammy Awards, 11 American Music Awards, 7 Country Music As-sociation Awards, 6 Academy of Country Music Awards and 13 BMI Awards. She has sold over 26 million albums and 70 million songs down-loaded worldwide. In addition to her music career, Taylor Swift has appeared as an actress in the crime drama CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (2009), the comedy Valentine’s Day (2010) and the animated film The Lorax (2012). Forbes estimates that she is worth over $165 million. As a philanthropist, Swift supports arts education, children’s literacy, natural disaster relief, LGBT anti-discrimination efforts, and charities for sick children.

IT’S ALL ABOUT TAYLORby Jayden Craigie

“HAYLOR” BREAK UP? Just weeks after breaking it off with Conor Kennedy, Taylor Swift made headlines with a new romance: this one with a certain British band member. Taylor, famous for her breakup songs and list of exes, was reportedly going out with One Direction’s own, Harry Styles. Many feared-knowing about Harry’s multiple flings-that he would break Taylor’s heart. The 18 year old, already well known in the U.K. for his relationship with 32 year old Xtra Factor presenter Caroline Flack, has had a history of being linked to any woman he is seen walking down the street with. After a mere 38 days, rumors swirled around the couple, saying that, during a roman-tic holiday, they had a massive fight, causing the relationship to be called off and Taylor to fly back to the USA by herself. These rumors were all but confirmed January 6th, when she tweeted, “…’ ‘til you put me down,” a line from her recent hit single, “I Knew You Were Trouble.” While the split has not been “officially” confirmed by the pair, the media has already begun attempting to figure out what went wrong. Some might say that Haylor ended... swiftly.

article by Mackenzie Schermann

Harry and Taylor spotted together.All pictures taken from Google.

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Chersjuges,chersparents,chersprofes-seurs,etchersamis,l’élevageintensifestunfaitdenosjoursetnousdevonsvivreaveclesrésultats.Plusque95%desanimauxquisontélevéspourlanourritureauCanada,sontélevésintensivement.C’estuneformed’élevagein-dustriellequiestleproduitdelatechnologie,lasurpopulationetunmanquedeterre.C’estditquelesanimauxsontmaltraitésquandilssontélevéesintensivement,maislesfermierssaventqueleursanimauxproduisentmoinsquandilssontstresséalorspourquoivoudraient-ilsblesserlesanimaux?Est-cequel’élevageintensifestvraimentmauvais? PeterSinger,unphilosopheetunprofes-seurdebioéthiquesditque“l’élevageintensifestcontrelamorale.”etçasepeutqu’ilaraison.Lesméthodesd’élevagevoientl’animalcommeunemachineaviandesurpattes.Lescochonsetvachesdelaitsontgardésdansdescagesquisonttropétroitespourlesanimauxdetournerenrondoumarcherquelquespas.Lesvaches/bœufsdoiventpasserleursviesdeboutdansdufumier(manure)quivientàleurschevilles.Lespoulesd’œufsnepeuventpasétirerleursailes,carilyatropdepoulesdanschaquecage.Touslesanimauxsontnourrisdeshormonesextrapouraugmenterlaproduction.Lesvachesdelaitsontdonnéesdeshormonesquiaugmentleurproductiondelaita10foisplusquenormale.Enplusieurscas,celarésulteenungonflementdelamamelle,causéeparl’infectionbactérien–mas-tite.Lestechniquesmodernesd’agricultureontpresqueéliminélesfaminesetdepluslenou-veausystèmeestefficace.Lefermagetradition-nelexposelesanimauxàtoutsortdedangerscommelesprédateurs,lesmaladiesetletemps(weather).Avecl’élevageintensiflesanimauxsontprotégésdanslesécuriesetc’estplusfacilepourlesfermiersdelesnourriretdelesdonnerdebonssoins.Seulementlesanimauxsainspeu-ventêtrevendusetmangé.Lesfermiersveulentfaireungrandprofitalorsilsdoiventprendresoindeleursanimaux.Mêmesicen’estpasgen-tildegarderlesanimauxàl’intérieurpourtoutesleursvies,jecomprendsquel’élevageintensifestnécessairepourlasurviedelapopulation.Lamajoritédesfermiersessayentdeleurmieuxdeprendrebonsoindeleursanimaux.Leurbutdanslavien’estpasd’abuserleursanimauxnidenousrendremaladeaveclavi-ande.Lesfermiersveulentsimplementgagnerd’argentetd’aiderànourrirlemonde.Oui,moijepréféreraismangerlesproduitsdesanimauxbiologiquesetquisontlibreabougé,maisjenesuispascontrel’élevageintensif.Peut-êtrequelesystèmeabesoindequelquesaméliorations,maisl’élevageintensifestlefuturd’agricultureetjepensequec’estletempsd’acceptercechangement.

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par Makiah Knight Lespouletsavecleshormonesadditionnellesagrandissenttroprapidement.Souventleursjambescassent,carleursosnesontpasencoreassezfortpourappuyerleursmasses.Pourempêcherlamaladiedanslesanimauxentas-sésilssontdonnésbeaucoupd’antibiotiquesquisont,plustard,transmisauxgensquilesmangent.Toutcelapourraitposerdesproblèmessanitairespournous.Sionregardelesproduitsquisontvendusaumagasin,ilsportentdesbellesimagesdesanimauxquisontdeboutdansunchampvertavecdespetitesfleursetlesoleilquibrille.Aucuncontenantneporteuneimagedel’élevageindustrielle,alorsonpeutconclurequel’industrieagricoleapeurquelepeupleachèteramoinsdeleursproduitss’ilssavaientcequiar-rive. Denosjourslapopulationaugmentrapidementetplusde90%delapopulationenAmériqueduNordnevitpassuruneferme.Pendantlesannées1900,100%delapopula-tionproduisaitlanourriturepoursurvivre.Aujourd’huienviron2%delapopulationessayedenourrir4foislenombredepersonnesqu’ilyavaitpendantlesannées1900.Sioncombinetoutcelaaveclefaitquel’espacesurlaTerreestlimitée,casemblequel’élevageintensifestlaseulemoyennepournourrirtoutlemonde.“Lesfermierssontsimplemententraind’utiliserl’éducationetlatechnologiepourfaireleurtra-vaillemieuxquepossible.”BarbLiebenstein. Makiah Knight. Photo by Brienne Welton.

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ANDIDSSSKK

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God Jul

Frohi Wiehnachte

Feliz Navidad

CENSOR THIS! JOKE FF: LA TERCERA PARTE

RENEE’S JOKES MS. BEDE’S JOKES1. How come the librarian slipped and fell? Because she strayed into the non-friction section

2. What do you do if your pet starts eating your library book? Take the words right out of their mouth.

3. What would you get if you crossed a locomo-tive with the author of Tom Sawyer? A choo choo Twain.

4. What’s a flea’s favorite science fiction book? The Itch-hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

5. What’s a man eating monster’s favorite book? Ghouliver’s Travels.

6. Do you know how many librarians it takes to change a light bulb? No, but I know where you can look it up!

7. What does the mummy do when he goes to the library? He gets all wrapped up in a good book

8. What has a spine but no bones? A book.

Aries: The solution to your woes lies in the sacrifice of a frog under the light of an LED desk light.

Cancer: Remember, if you’re parked on a hill make sure you have your handbrake on.

Libra: Work will be long and hard today. To be really happy and fulfilled, you must sit in a sauna dressed as a chicken.

Taurus: You may be feel-ing sad and depressed, but don’t worry, you can have a meaningful con-versation with plants.

Gemini: Beware of people wearing mous-taches and door-to-door-salesmen.

Leo: Today is a good day to power-walk. It not only looks silly, it is silly.

Virgo: Itchy nose day, again. Just be glad you don’t have to wear a spacesuit!

Scorpio: Try to work the words “happen-stance” and “ineffable” into your conversation today.

Sagittarius: Don’t trust your new neigh-bor; she just wants your new table cloth.

Capricorn: You still have way too much to do. If you were any more behind, you would be able to kick yourself.

Aquarius: Today is a good day to decide what to be when you grow up -possibly a yo-deling oceanographer.

Pisces: A scruffy-look-ing fellow who you’ve never seen before will come up and offer you a very strange-looking raisin muffin.

Mr. Bakker’s jokes featured in our December issue were indeed funny, but “La Bergs” was simply too comical for the “Punster King.” Indeed Mr. Bak-ker’s defeat was as dignified as it was sudden and complete…a shame, really. This month, your zany staff at Censor This! brings you the humor of KSS teacher–librarian, Sharon Bede. Can Bede’s jokes outmatch Renee’s? Or will “La Bergs” take a page from Bede’s book? Read below and find out….

1. Why can’t elephants go on the beach? Because they can’t keep their trunks up

2. What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasa…bi?

3. I went to the zoo. There was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu.

4. What moisturizer do bullfighters use? Olay

5. What do you call a snake who loves dessert? A Piethon

6. What do you call a nun in a wheel chair? Virgin mobile.

7. What did the fish say when it swam into a wall? Damn!

8. What do UFO’s and smart blondes have in common? You keep hearing about them, but never see any.

OSCOPES

Check out our next issue on Feb. 27th!

ODD-