IT’S CALLED A BREAKUP BECAUSE

ITS BROKEN

Brittany Minatee:minateeb1@mail.montclair.eduAracelis Montalvo : montalvoa1@mail.montclair.edu

Kate Minervini : minervinik1@mail.montclair.edu

INTRODUCTION & BOOK

DESCRIPTION

Summary: It’s Called A Break Up Because its Broken is a book written for women who have just come out of a serious relationship, whether they ended it or their partner did. The book focuses on ways to help a woman get over their ex by explaining that the relationship ended because it was not working. Instead of trying to fix, or dwell, on this past relationship the authors instead say to look for something new. Using both the authors advice and short excerpts from the people they surveyed, this book is witty and helpful in order to get over your Mr. Wrong.

THE BREAKUP :or how the hell did a kick-ass lady like myself end up in this agonizing Nightmare!

AUTHORS: Greg Behrendt & Amiira Ruotola Behrendt

MAIN THESIS:THIS BOOK AIMS TO HELP WOMEN GET OVER THEIR EX’S BY PROVIDING ADVICE FOR POST-BREAKUPS. GREG AND AMIIRA ENCOURAGE THEIR READERS THAT THEIR RELATIONSHIPS HAVE ENDED AND THERE IS NO FIXING THEM. JUST MOVE ON! FOR EXAMPLE!! DEAR GREG,MY BOYFRIEND AND I BROKE UP ALMOST A YEAR AGO AND IT STILL HURTS! WE WE’RE ONLY TOGETHER FOR A YEAR AND A HALF, SO SHOULDN’T I BE OVER THIS? THEY SAY IT TAKES HALF THE TIME OF THE TOTAL LENGTH OF THE RELATIONSHIP TO GET OVER IT, BUT THAT EQUATION HASN’T WORKED FOR ME. I SWEAR IT HURTS AS MUCH TODAY AS IT DID A YEAR AGO! I STILL THINK ABOUT HIM EVERYDAY, AND THINK ABOUT ALL THE GREAT MEMORIES WE HAD TOGETHER, AND IT MAKES ME SO MAD THAT HE JUST THREW ALL OF THAT AWAY! HOW LONG IS IT GOING TO HURT AND HOW DO I GET OVER THIS? LAUREN

DEAR TIME STANDS STILL,I DO BELIEVE THAT SOMEONE SAID THAT IT TAKES HALF THE TIME OF A REALATIONSHIP TO GET OVER IT. THERE’S ANOTHER FORMULA, THOUGH, THAT MAY BE MORE ACCURATE; IF YOUR PET HAMSTER DIES, YOU COUNT THE NUMBER OF YEARS IT WAS ALIVE, DIVIDE THAT BY ITS NUMBER OF PAWS, AND FIND THE SQUARE ROOT. OR!!!, MAYBE MATHEMATICAL EQUATIONS DO NOT APPLY TO THE HEART. I THINK THE TIME IT TAKES TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT THE BREAKUP, HOT STUFF, IS DIRECTLY PROPORTIONAL TO THE TIME IT TAKES YOU TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF. WHEN YOU FEEL BAD ABOUT YOURSELF, YOU REPLAY LOOPS IN YOUR HEAD. YOU GO BACK OVER THE MISTAKES YOU MADE, “IF ONLY I’D BEEN SKINNY, SEXY, OR WHATEVER”, TO “WHAT ABOUT THAT TIME I SET HIS CAR ON FIRE….” (UH OKAY SOMETHINGS MAY HAVE BEEN A FACTOR). SO YOU SIT AROUND AND DEVALUE YOURSELF. IT’S CALLED A BREAKUP BECAUSE IT’S BROKEN. IT CAN’T BE FIXED, SO YOU HAVE TO LET IT GO, AND ONLY THEN WILL YOUR PAIN BEGIN TO SUBSIDE. GREG

Demographic Trends- Current Divorce Rate is 50% for

first marriages- Women in the labor force- Greater acceptance

“Examination of the impact of demographic, relationship and personality variables showed that current dating status was significantly associated with all three symptom measures” (Boelen and Reijntjes, 2008).

Contextualizing break-ups

DATA

A. Greg and Amiira did a great job collecting data to support their opinions in the book…NOT! This stupendous book has something even better! The awesome break up stories from women around the country just like YOU !! With the help from these women’s stories Greg and Amiira was able to give us awesome advice on how to get over these useless relationships!

BEST DAY OF THE WEEK TO BREAK UP 19% SAY MONDAY

WORST PLACES TO BREAK UP 37% SAY PUBLIC PLACE, 25% SAY WORK

AVOIDING THEY PERSON YOU BROKE UP WITH 43% OF PEOPLE SAY THEY AVOID AT ALL COSTS

WAYS TO COPE WITH A BREAK UP 59% SAY FOCUSING ON WORK

WAYS TO PREPARE YOURSELF TO BREAKUP WITH SOMEONE

42% SAY EXERCISING BEFORE THE CONVERSATION

OTHER WAYS TO COPE WITH A BREAKUP 45% SAY TAKING A VACATION & 50% SAY EATING

http://dating.about.com/od/datingresearch/qt/breakupseason.htm

C. -Yes, the data was reputable. The survey was conducted by  Opinion Research Corporation CARAVAN for the Yahoo! Personals website.-It was a national survey open to ages 18 and over through the Yahoo! Personals. Participants were invited to take part in the survey via a link on the website.-The data was compiled from June 28-July 2, 2007 and July 7th-July 11th 2007.- A total of 3,087 men and women participated in the survey.

RESULTS

A. The data we found supports the data used to support the thesis of our book. The Yahoo survey states that break up comforts included focusing on work (59%), taking vacation (45%) and eating sweets (50%). Many of the stories and letters submitted in our book are from girls who could not find comfort in any thing but food. That was when the authors told us to pick up a stick of celery and go for a walk! After all, looking and feeling good is the least we can do for ourselves! The survey also told us that most people (43%) avoid the person they are breaking up with before ending it. From the authors personal experience, his girlfriend ignored his calls, moved out of the apartment they both shared, and even moved to another city before ending it !One girl wrote in to tell the authors that her boyfriend ignored her and even avoided confrontation when she asked about their relationship and said things were just fine. In reality, according to the authors, many people avoid their significant other before the break up because they don’t know how to do it, and they don’t want to actually hurt us.

B. We thought that book was helpful to an extent- It helps the broken hearted be more realistic with themselves. (It’s over! Now GET over it!)- It lets the reader know that things sometimes just don’t workout, and that’s not a reason to stop living life to the fullest. -It could be the slap in the face that some people need to snap them out of their rut. - However, it obviously shouldn’t be used as a rule book. - Sometimes things CAN work out after a break up- Not every situation described in the book will be exactly the same situation that you’re going through.  C. No, the authors are not properly trained to write a self help book - Both authors are in fact writers, however, they even state that they wrote their book based on a survey that they did, but mostly based on personal experience. - Greg Behrendt is actually best known for being a comedian-His wife, Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt was a music executive before becoming a writer - They are not professionals, they have not been studying relationships for decades, nor have they gotten any kind of schooling on relationships. - They are merely two people who have been through the best and worse when it comes to relationships, and they have opinions about how people should deal with them after learning from their own experiences.

DISCUSSION & CONCLUSION

B. In the future….If there was to be another self help book written about how to move on from a break up some research in the book would be nice about what is actually the most effective way to go about doing so. The only problem with that is…THERE IS NO BEST WAY. All of the data that we came across in our scholarly research article and the data we found only states common characteristics of breakups. The data that we found would support most of the ideas that the book concluded because the types of behaviors and coping methods for breakups were very common to the stories in the book.

A. We have found that most people who breakup with their partner have a hard time moving on from the situation. It is not something that you just never think about again. In regards to “recovery” time, everyone is different and you can’t base someone else’s situation on your own!

The book did not use any type of data to support their

opinions. They gave their advice from their own experiences and personal knowledge to those people who wrote into them. The data that we found does support some of the ideas that the authors were depicting. The book is representative of larger trends such as divorce trends because the book shows that a lot of people are dissolving relationships and ending relationships are very similar to ending marriages especially if the couple was cohabiting.

EXAM QUESTIONS

1.What do Greg and Amiira Behrendt encourage their readers to do in the after math of their break-up? A. Try to fix the relationship B. Get over it and move on C. Apologize until they take you back D. Stay home and dwell on what could have been.

2. Which is NOT a break up comfort?A. EatingB. Going on vactionC. Calling your ex repeatedlyD. Indulging in work

3. The authors of “It’s called a breakup because it’s broken” are a married couple?A. TrueB. False

REFERENCES

Albo, B. (n.d.). Breakup survey shows how people cope. About.com. Retrieved April 14, 2011, from http://dating.about.com/od/datingresearch/qt/breakupseason.htm

Behrendt, G., & Behrendt, A. (2005). It's called a breakup because it's broken: the smart girl's breakup buddy. New York: Broadway Books.

Boelen, P, & Reijntjes, A (2008). Negative cognitions in emotional problems following romantic relationship break-ups, Journal of the International Society for the Investigation of Stress, (25) 11-19.