DM Masterclass

Damian O’BroinAsk Direct

Creating persuasive messages and writing great copy for direct marketing

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What was...

...The last movie you saw

...The last novel you read

Once upon a tim!...

€250,000 target met.

10% increase on 2009

(so far...)

Propositions

A journey back in time to the centre of the brain....

The most effective messages appeal

here

“Researchers have demonstrated that [we] make decisions in an emotional manner and then justify them rationally”

– Renvoisé & Morin, Neuromarketing

Rational

Emotional

Switch - Chip & Dan HeathThe Happiness Hypothesis – Jonathan Haidt

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“When people ask me what difference a donation can make, I reply that

donations to Starship transform lives. Parents have told me with tears in

their eyes what it means to know their child is receiving the best possible care

at Starship.

And behind every one of these children there are compassionate

people like you dedicated to helping.

Your donation will help Starship support children and their families at their moment of greatest need. It is at these moments, when a child’s life can

hang in the balance, that your donation becomes truly

transformational.”

Old Brain New Brain

Emotional Rational

Automatic Reflective

Elephant Rider

The Six ‘Old Brain’ Stimuli

1. Self-Centred

4. Beginning & End3. Tangible Input

6. Emotions

2. Contrast 5. Visual Stimuli

Self-Centred

Visual Stimuli

TangibleEmotions

Contrast Implied Beginning & End

Diagnose the

PAINDifferentiate your

CLAIMDemonstrate the

GAIN

Deliver to the

OLD BRAIN

What is the need?Why is this a problem for your

supporter?

Why is your organisation best placed to

address the need?

How are you going to make things better?

And why does this matter to your supporter?

Deliver to the

OLD BRAIN

Create

STICKY MESSAGES

SUCCES

implenexpectedoncreterediblemotionaltories

heathbrothers.com

Simple

J FKFB INAT OUP SNA SAI RS

JFK FBI NATO UPS NASA IRS

Simple

Unexpected

Concrete

“Twelve pennies will give a poor child a day’s treat.”

Irish Independent, May 1905

Concrete

1450 LODESTAR ROAD, UNIT 18TORONTO, ON M3J 3C1

1010943

YOUR 1 DOLLAR = 2 MEALS

Credible

Emotional

“P.S. As a token of our appreciation for your gift, we will add your name to our supporter dedication

wall which will be featured on the real Rainbow

Warrior. Your name will stand alongside others

from around the world who are prepared to contribute

to a greener world.”

The Mother Teresa Principle

If I look at the mass, I will never act. If I look at the one, I will.

Every year, 15 million children die of hunger

Rebirth

Tragedy

Comedy

Voyage and Return

The Quest

Rags to Riches

Stories

Overcoming the Monster

Renvoisé & Morin Heath Bros. Cialdini

Self-centred Simple Reciprocation

Contrast Unexpected Consistency

Tangible Input Concrete Social Proof

Beginning & End Credible Liking

Visual Stimuli Emotional Authority

Emotions Stories Scarcity

Propositions

Writing direct response copy

Geroge OrwellPolitics and the

English Language(1946)

‣ Never use a metaphor, simile or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.

‣ Never use a long word when a short one will do.

‣ If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.

‣ Never use the passive where you can use the active.

‣ Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.

‣ Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.

What makes a good story?

Beat target

by 33%

DEMENTIANURSEAPPEAL

This Spring, let’s not forget the 72,500 people with dementia in Scotland.

What’s missing?

“With over 72,500 people in Scotland needing the support and understanding of a Dementia Nurse, and that figure expected to double over the next 25 to 30 years, it’s essential that this appeal is

a success.”

More than 70,000 people in Scotland need the the support and understanding

of a Dementia Nurse. That’s 70,000 mothers, fathers, wives or husbands.

Perhaps one of them is even someone you know.

And the shocking news is that over the next 25 years, the number of people with dementia is set to double. That’s going to put intense pressure on our

services. We need your support now so that we can ensure every person with

dementia receives the care and support they need.

Four times as much money raised

Copywriting Case Study

Helpline Number1800 341 900

Content warning

Clear, tangible, early ask in standfirst

Starts telling the story…(visual descriptions)

Letter mentions “you”, “your” or “yourself ” 11

times on first page.

Detail (credibility)

Emotion

“you” / “your” mentioned a further 8

times here

Deadline to build urgency

Need emphasised

Personal testimony to build credibility

Specific ask linked to benefits

Emotion (Anger)

3rd Ask

Benefit / Solution

Personal and emotional

Benefit / Solution

Thanks

Specific examples of what your gift will do

4th Ask

5th Ask

Prominent reference to €250 tax efficient giving

level

Repeat of call to action from Margaret

Helpline Number1800 341 900

Data capture at top

The Results…

New donors recruited: 196 (30% ahead of target) (36% more than 2009)

Average Gift: €141 (Increase of 67% on 2009)

Net cost per acquisition: €0 (down from €121 in 2009)

Up 84%

year-on-year

2009

2010

General Monthly Gifts Top Donors

General Cash +28%

Monthly Gifts +88%

Top Donors +227%

Not just tangible - restricted

Increased focus on top donor segments

Core service - familiar, understandable topic

Emotional, donor-centred,visual, great story

Clear need & achievable solution

“You” or “Your” is repeated 14 times on Page 1

(and donor’s name appears four times)

Visual stimulus

Articulation of need

Thanks donor and demonstrates impact

Introduces story...

Donor focused solution

Clear target

What you need to know about direct response copy

‣ Long copy almost always beats short copy

‣ Use ‘I’ and ‘You’ but mostly ‘You’

‣ Use active rather than passive language

‣ Keep the language simple, the sentences short and avoid jargon like the plague

What you need to know about direct response copy‣Make it sounds like someone is taking

‣ Appeal on the basis of benefits, not needs (or features)

‣ Tell people exactly what you want them to do (make a gift of €25; email your local TD)...

‣ ... And make it as easy as possible for them to do it.

What you need to know about direct response copy

‣ You can drive up response by using...

- urgency

- deadlines

- targets

What you need to know about direct response copy‣ Tell stories

‣ Use emotion

‣Make it personal

‣ PS: Always include a PS - it’s usually read first and most often

Make it easy to read

‣ Use a large font (12pt or larger) and a serif typeface

‣ Indent paragraphs and vary their length

‣ Break up the text with sub-heads, bold, underline, italics, images, handwritten notes

Make it easy to respond

‣ Be clear what you’re looking for

‣ Large donation forms and plenty of room to write

‣Make forms easy to negotiate

1. Headline/Standfirst / Johnson Box2. First page3. PS4. Call to action on response device

Copy Exercise

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