infinite grace faeeza fakir infinite graceinfinite grace a miraculous awakening infinite grace...

I n f I n I t e G r a c e a m i r a c u lo u s a w a k e n i n g

inf

init

e g

ra

ce

Yv

on

ne

Bu

sis

iwe

kg

am

e

Yvonne Kgame is a professional with twenty eight years of experience as a media leader, manager and specialist in local and international print publishing and public broadcasting. Her work and compassionate service arise from her life-long dedication as a teacher.

She has served on the boards of various international and local media organisations.

She is married to Peter Kgame and is mother to three adult sons. She and Peter live in Johannesburg, South Africa.

Boundless Grace is a celebratory and inspiring story about a soul’s awakening and a second chance at life. After surviving a double stroke caused by a very large Glomus Tumour, Yvonne Kgame, a driven, self-confessed workaholic in the pressurised world of broadcasting, pondered the universal questions: Who am I? Why am I here and how do I fulfill my life purpose?

No road map or GPS was required to navigate this second chance because from the moment she surrendered herself to the universe with the words, “Let it be”, opportunities arose for deeper self-love, healing and living with purpose. A hidden hand of divine grace guided her through a series of illuminating realisations.

Deep self-reflection provided the light that led her to discover her truth. Encounters with medical doctors, holistic healers, masters, teachers and gurus brought wisdom and healing to Yvonne’s life. This journey helped her to discover the ‘PIN code’ that gave her access to a heightened state of love and grace and a renewed commitment to serve.

Her determination to heal body, mind and spirit is a fearless expression of her choice to live and to do so with a deep sense of purpose.

Yvonne’s profound experience will take you to the edge of your own moment of grace and bring you back, transformed and inspired.

“As a spiritual healer my experience with Yvonne is unique. My view of Yvonne is that she has

the ability to heal herself and others through her understanding and application of faith and

divine love for mankind. She is selfless in all her actions, a true “guru”. Yvonne has a gift to

help others recognise their true talents. Her divine energy can be seen and felt by many. When

speaking to an audience, she touches everyone’s heart. One can see that Spirit talks through her

and divine healing occurs. This beautiful soul came to me for healing and guidance, and through

her spiritual nature unveiled healing and light in my family. Yvonne is a perfect example of an

Earth Angel, channelling God’s love, light and healing. Words cannot express the gratitude we

have for her influence in our lives.” Faeeza Fakir

I n f I n I teG r a c e

a M I r a c u l o u s a w a k e n I n G

Y v o n n e B u s I s I w e k G a M e

“Yvonne is a

perfect example

of an earth angel,

channelling god’s

love, light and

healing”

9 780620 527583

ISBN 978-0-620-52758-3

“Every human being has a unique genius,

our individual inner power and infinite

wisdom is always with us. All we need

do is to tap into it if we are to stay aware

and fully embrace the call to dance to

our inner rhythm and the rhythm of the

universe to be free. Let it Be and so Be it.”

Yvonne Busisiwe kgame

Cover_Finished_Art.indd 1 2012/02/29 11:51 AM

i n f i n i t e g r a c ea m i r a c u lo u s a w a k e n i n g

y v o n n e b u s i s i w e k g a m e

The essence of life’s journey is communication with our Creator in order to accomplish His

Purpose. Quite often, we go placidly through life without hearing Him.

Mum Vonnie heard Him and responded, thus consummating her relationship with

Him. judge bakone justice moloto, former south african lawyer, now a judge

at the international criminal tribunal for the former yugoslavia (icty), in

the hague

I know what it is like to battle with every part of your body, willing it to live whilst aware that

death could be very close by. This book helps the reader to understand what it is to walk the

tight-rope, battling for your life. We get to understand why Yvonne had to fight for life and

why she chose faith and prayer as her weapon through the long journey.

Infinite Grace is a meditation on loving, healing, and prayer. Yvonne’s book is a mantra

on how to believe, trust, and accept the gift of life. Indeed, it is through God’s Infinite

Grace. lauretta ngcobo, novelist, feminist writer and activist, author of cross

of gold and and they didn’t die, editor of let it be told and fiki learns to like

other people

I have never had the thought that this is “a man’s world,” and that we as women cannot

succeed. However in today’s world, true success will require constant courage and complete

honesty on our part. dadi janki, administrative head of the brahma kumaris world

spiritual university. from wings of soul, in honour of infinite grace

I used to say to Yvonne, “As a teacher and a writer, you can change the world through books

and education.” Infinite Grace will begin to do just that. francie shoniwa, friend and

publishing colleague

The work Yvonne has done is astounding and will definitely inspire others to action when in

such a situation. dr s r pillay, surgeon, wits donald gordon medical centre

I am ever so proud of Yvonne; she is courageous, wise, and extremely generous to share

her life’s journey and healing with us in Infinite Grace. Through her illness and miraculous

recovery, we can all share her life lesson as we read about her journey to healing in Infinite

Grace.

God wants us to learn something from Yvonne’s illness, and I have learnt that our lives

are in God’s hands. I give gratitude to God as I say “How Great Thou Art.”

I celebrate Yvonne’s life, love, energy, uBuntu bakhe, her humility, and

graciousness! emma mashinini, pioneer of the formation of the congress of

south african trade unions (cosatu), author of strikes have followed me all

my life, awarded the national order of luthuli in south africa and present

at the adoption of the freedom charter at the people’s congress, kliptown,

johannesburg

Being a young woman, I am delighted that I have had the opportunity to have a taste of

Yvonne’s wisdom and life experiences through Infinite Grace as these contribute to my

personal growth. Infinite Grace is a book that every individual can learn from because

Yvonne highlights many aspects that people are faced with that may be holding them back

from moving towards something great in their lives. The book brings out the meaning of

forgiveness very strongly, reminding me of what I have learned from my own parents: I am a

soul beyond race, colour, creed, or gender.

Infinite Grace opened my eyes to considering new ways of healing. It has taught me how

wide the world of alternative healing is and that it may be one of the best ways of healing

physically, emotionally and spiritually. philia kaya, family friend

praise for infinite grace

part title here

Infinite Grace, A Miraculous Awakening

First Edition Copyright © Yvonne Busisiwe Kgame 2012

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored

in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means,

whether electronic, mechanical, photocopying or otherwise without

the prior written permission of the publishers.

Published by Rantho Trust

www.infinitegrace.co.za

ISBN: 978-0-620-52758-3

Disclaimer: The author of this book does not dispense medical

advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment

for physical or medical problems without the advice of a physician,

either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to share

information to help the readers in their quest for emotional and

spiritual well-being. In the event that they use any information in

this book for themselves, which is their right, the author and the

publisher assume no responsibility for their actions.

Whilst every care has been taken in the compilation of this

publication and information is believed to be accurate at time of

going to print, no liability can be accepted by the publishers for any

errors or omissions.

Edited by: Gloria Britain

Photographs: Supplied by author unless otherwise indicated

Production: Jive Media Africa (www.jivemedia.co.za)

Front cover flap photo: John Hogg / Africa Media Online

Dedicated to the memory of my first teacher; my maternal

grandmother, Kotini Leah Ndinisa, the only grandparent I knew; and

in acknowledgement of my other grandparents who departed this life

before I was born.

To my parents who against all odds gave me my zest for life and

faith and inspired in me a love of learning, even though their own

opportunities to learn were limited.

With gratitude to my parents-in-law and the Kgame family, for

embracing me as a blessing and teaching me acceptance.

To my husband Peter, sons Thokozane, Tshepo and Katlego, my

daughters, Thuso and Lesego, my daughter-in-law Ntsiki, my sisters

and their beloved husbands, my brothers and their beloved wives,

and my extended family: thank you for choosing me. Thank you for

taking this journey with me, for allowing me to be ME, for loving and

supporting me unconditionally in every way possible.

A special thanks to my soul daughter, Michelle Rees, for her love,

compassion and support, and for accepting me without judgement.

dedication

foreword 8

conscious, graceful living 10

part 1 awakening my soul chapter 1 A One-to-One with my Creator 14

chapter 2 Gift of Grace 24

chapter 3 Unconditional Love 38

chapter 4 The Journey Inwards 48

chapter 5 Strong Leader with a Big Heart 60

part 2 essence of belonging chapter 6 Live While You Are Alive 72

chapter 7 Living Fully, Dying Gracefully 80

chapter 8 The Greatest Reward of Love is Love Itself 88

chapter 9 Who Am I? 98

chapter 10 Meant to Be 114

contents

part 3 sacred encounters

chapter 11 You Are More Than What You Have Become 126

chapter 12 The Mystic Messenger 136

chapter 13 The Magnificence of Spirit 140

chapter 14 The Call of Time 144

chapter 15 A Friend till the End 152

chapter 16 Images and Voices of Hope 160

chapter 17 The Guiding Light 164

chapter 18 Ultimately we are All One 172

part 4 grace, gratitude and sacred service chapter 19 Expressing Grace and Gratitude through Service 180

chapter 20 Service to Self 188

chapter 21 Service to All Living Beings 196

chapter 22 Service to Community 202

chapter 23 Service as Global Citizens 208

chapter 24 Infinite Grace: Nolitha’s 12 214

acknowledgements 218

about the author 220

references 222

index 224

98

“will you accept a heart that loves, but never

yields? and burns, but never melts? will you be at

ease with a soul that quivers before the tempest,

but never surrenders to it? will you accept one

as a companion who makes not sl aves, nor will

become one? will you own me but not possess me,

by taking my body and not my heart?”

kahlil gibran

It all started with a phone call from my wife. She said: “Don’t worry,

I am fine. I am at the hospital and being taken into the Intensive Care

Unit.” This contradictory statement was made by someone who I had

known to be fearless in any set of circumstances.

But this was just the start of what was to become the worst of

times for us. I was numbed by the news that, after having suffered

a double stroke, she might die at any time and that it was best to

“make her as comfortable as possible to face the inevitable.” During

the process of recovery, Yvonne explored ways that might provide

fuller healing. Her realisation that medical science could provide

just one part of her healing set her on a journey that would lead to

restoring her body, mind and spirit. Her healing has been remarkable

to witness and I can only put this down to God’s grace and the power

of her positive thinking.

Today we walk together as a tightly woven unit. In times of

turmoil and confusion we have learnt to count our blessings …

one by one.

Yvonne’s journey to healing has been an amazing one and this

journey is at the heart of this fascinating story.

forewordby peter kgame

1110

Our modern physicists tell us that we are living in a “participatory

universe”. Even the act of observing and examining the world is an

act of creation. This means that we are creating our experience as

well as experiencing what we have created.

Everything that happens to us is brought about by us and is

the direct product of our Consciousness. The problems in our

personal lives, as well as in the world – diseases, divorces, wars,

unemployment, violence, sexual abuse, ecological destruction – can

be traced back to the (un-)conscious levels of humans.

For humanity, the shift to a higher level of Consciousness cannot

happen passively. The transformation of Consciousness requires

effective personal work that includes engagement with the physical

(our bodies), psychological (our thoughts, emotions and beliefs) and

spiritual (who we really are as well as our purpose for being here).

Our Western culture has conveniently eliminated the aspect of

spirituality from daily life. In order to be part of the modern world,

we have forfeited our capacity for intimate exchanges with the

spiritual realm. Such an exchange requires silence, introspection and

meditation, receptivity and reciprocity, imagination and creativity.

It is our almost tragic fate that while we long for a deeper and

more spiritual life, all that we receive is the unsatisfactory and

limited techno-scientific explanation for our existence.

It is time for us to transform the earth and its human habitants,

through reconciling the spiritual with the physical domain,

incorporating it into our way of being in the world, acknowledging

the existence of a domain in which matter, space, time and

Consciousness are interrelated. Higher Consciousness provides us

with the recognition of who we truly are, and thus exposes us to a

grander experience of our true Self, a larger awareness of Life and our

place in it. Higher Consciousness offers us a greater sense of unity

and connectivity to every aspect of creation.

Infinite Grace is Yvonne’s personal testimony to the above. Let it

be a spiritual inspiration for humanity, as we are all in great need.

Be blessed

dr baruch banai

At first impression, Infinite Grace is about e Yvonne Kgame, her

particular life journey and the significant events that occurred.

However, it is much more than an autobiography: it is an in-action

testimony to our collective human search – a search in which we

aspire to become more than the way we have been shaped by society;

a search for a humane meaning for our temporary, ever-changing and

death-facing existence.

I met Yvonne for the first time in 2004 when she attended our

personal transformation workshops. All I knew about Yvonne was

that she occupied a high position (hence a celebrity of a kind) in the

national broadcaster.

During that first intense encounter, I experienced Yvonne as being

open, humble, extremely modest, and above all, willing to confront

the many aspects of what she called “my life”. There was no typical

behavioural display of a person in a high social position. Much has

been and will be said about Yvonne Kgame as a person in the domain

of relationship as well as in her role as a representative leader in the

community.

Yvonne proceeded to our second level workshop, one that requires

intimate cooperation among the participants. She created the slogan

“Unity is Power,” under which her group operated with great success.

Infinite Grace is about the search for raising the level of our Human

Consciousness, not just for a particular individual, but also for the

collective at large.

So what is Consciousness? Consciousness is the creative power

in and of the universe. Every aspect of the universe is created by

Consciousness.

conscious, graceful livingby dr baruch banai

awakening my soul

“we have a great purpose in life –

a mission, vocation, and calling.

we are here to grow, to evolve,

to reach our full potential

and contribute to the betterment

of the world.” marc allen

part 1

Ro

be

rt I

ng

lis

awakening my soul







a one-to-one with my creator 15

In the same way that I opened my eyes on the morning of Friday, 14th

June 2007, the eyes of my soul were about to be opened in ways that

I could not have imagined possible. It was the day I was to start a

journey towards breathing infinite grace.

Other than a lingering headache which had started two days

previously, it was business as usual for me as I prepared to do my

presentation at a break-away strategic planning session that day.

We were thirteen years into South Africa’s transition from

apartheid to democracy. At this time, the country’s public broadcaster

was engaged in an intense process of change. We were driven by a

sense of urgency to bring South Africa’s vision and its people to the

world and the world to South Africans in new and exciting ways. The

South African Broadcasting Corporation faced two major challenges.

The first was responding to a detailed and challenging public

mandate to create a South African-ness in the country, whilst at the

same time, establishing its own financial sustainability. This was an

chapter 1

a one-to-one with my creator

“how would i l ive out this day if i knew it was my

l ast and what would i be grateful for?”

robin sharma, the saint, the surfer and the ceo

part 1

16 awakening my soul

awakening my soul








During the call, he said that he would be home and waiting for

me.

After speaking to Peter, I got into my car and headed for home.

I turned out of Vereeniging, joined the N1 highway which took me

from the south through central Johannesburg to the north where I

lived.

As I drove along the highway, still preoccupied with the past three

days’ deliberations, I suddenly felt the left side of my body going

numb. My left eye started to feel weak and my whole face started to

feel odd. I felt the strength draining from my body which, by then,

had started to feel foreign, as if it was on its own mission. This all

started so suddenly.

I recognised, almost immediately, that this was a significant

moment for me. This realisation was deep and unmistakable.

I knew, by instinct, that I was no longer going home to my family,

my weekend plans and all my favourite home comforts that evening.

I fleetingly recalled my many one-to-one meetings with my

seniors at work. It was often impromptu, urgent, always about a

matter that needed immediate attention.

Somewhere in my mind, I made the connection between what

was happening to me and the call to a one-to-one on an urgent

matter at the office. “Drop everything and come and see me,” was the

tone of those calls, and this experience felt very similar.

At a time like this, what was in the diary was irrelevant. What was

more important was to acknowledge the urgency and respond. In

this instance, my Creator was calling me by name to a one-to-one in

a very physical way, and I knew, without a doubt, that a conversation

unprecedented position to be in for the broadcaster; and as General

Manager of Content, I was right at the epicentre of these challenges.

It was about sunset when I completed the rather tough and

exhausting three-day session with my colleagues in Vereeniging,

south of Johannesburg.

Like everyone else, I was looking forward to going home to a

relaxing bubble bath, sleeping between my own sheets and spending

a lovely weekend with my family.

Before leaving, I called my husband Peter to tell him that I was on

my way home and would see him at eight.

The previous couple of days had not been particularly good

between us. I had allowed the stress and tension of my work, and

the constant headache I was having, to get to me, and I had unfairly

transferred this to Peter through our conversations on the phone. He

was in Cape Town on a business trip and I in Vereeniging. We had

agreed that when I got home that evening, we would talk.

Peter Kgame, husband

“… my creator was calling me to a one-to-one in

a very physical way, and i knew, without a doubt,

that a conversation was urgently needed …”

part 1


awakening my soul








When I arrived at the hospital, the doctor told me that

Yvonne had had a stroke – in fact it had been a double

stroke. peter kgame

When I got to the hospital and saw her face, I was

shocked. Later, I overheard the doctors talking about this

possibly being fatal. I went quiet, I was scared and in

shock. katlego kgame, 3rd-born son

“Hi boy, how are you? I am at Sunninghill Hospital. I am

being taken into the Intensive Care Unit. But don’t worry,

I am fine.”

These were the words I heard my mother saying on

the phone that evening.

In that moment, my whole world slowed down as

I tried to make sense of what she had just said. How

could someone be going into the Intensive Care Unit but

be ‘ok’ at the same time?

The drive to the hospital with Ntsiki, my fiance at the

time, was the longest I have ever taken on that highway, in

my life! Try as I might, I just could not get to grips with what

I had just heard. I tried over and over to picture my mother

and the condition she could be in.

I tried to figure out how one deals with a person who has

had a stroke; more so, what that would be like, if it was your

own mother. Was she going to be completely bed-ridden?

Was this the end of her daily routines as we had gotten

used to?

Questions of how life would be from there on started creeping into

my mind, along with fear and anger.

was urgently needed. What was the purpose and nature of our

conversation? I was yet to find out.

While all of this was going on it didn’t cross my mind to stop and

call for help although I knew, without a doubt, that this was quite

serious. The intense pain in my chest was way beyond anything I had

ever experienced. I knew that I had to get myself to a hospital as soon

as possible.

In a strange way, while all this was happening, I didn’t panic.

Instead, I felt a mysterious and all-encompassing calming energy

around me. It was as if every decision and action that transpired from

then onwards, was of another force. I like to picture this moment as

one where I was shrouded with angels, protecting me with love and

light as I made for the hospital.

I took the off-ramp at Rivonia Road in Sandton which would take

me to the Sunninghill Hospital.

I managed, with great difficulty, to get out of my car and walked,

in high heels, towards the entrance of the hospital. I checked myself

in, filling in all the required forms.

Within moments I noticed a sudden sense of urgency and

scurrying around me, none of which made sense to me, nor did I

realise that this urgency had to do with my arrival.

A doctor came over to attend to me. He was very calm. “Mrs

Kgame, we have to take you for an urgent brain scan.” Simultaneously

they phoned the neurologist who was on call to come immediately.

I remember reaching for my mobile and calling Peter. “Don’t worry

about me,” I heard myself saying. “I am fine. I am at the Sunninghill

Hospital and I’m being taken into the Intensive Care Unit.”

“ … as if every decision and action that transpired

from then onwards, was of another force …”

From top to bottom:Katlego Kgame, 3rd-born son; Thokozane,1st-born son; Tshepo, 2nd-born son.

part 1


awakening my soul








movies. My mind was fighting my heart as it tried to rationalise what

the possible outcome of this event might be.

When I saw her, I didn’t know what to do but I knew I would give

her one hundred and ten per cent of whatever it was that she

needed. tshepo, 2nd-born son

My nephew was born on 14 June 2007. I was so excited, I asked

Thokozane to meet me at the Garden City Hospital to see the

newborn.

After the hospital visit, Thokozane followed me home in his car. As

I parked my car in the garage, he came over to me and said: “Baby, I

just received a call from my mother. She said they are taking her into

the ICU.”

Thokozane looked as if he had just seen a ghost. I quickly replied,

“We need to be at the hospital, by the sounds of things.”

On arrival at the hospital, I became even more confused at

the sight of her chatting and what seemed to be, her being her

normal self.

It was not until I got back home with my brothers and father, later

that evening, that I really began to come to grips with the reality and

what this all could mean.

The worst for us, in terms of the diagnosis, still lay

ahead. thokozane, 1st-born son

I was at a “pens-down” party after exams when I received a disturbing

phone call from my older brother, Thokozane. I was spending the

night with friends.

“Do you have a medical aid card?” he asked me. “Never mind,” he

said before I could answer,” and by the way, mum is in hospital, but

she will be ok. Don’t come home. Enjoy the rest of your night,” he

said and hung up. I took his advice, only to awaken to the real horror

of the story the next morning.

When I heard what had happened to my mom, I felt overwhelmed

with emotions and questions.

The first thought I had was: “How could they?” I started recalling

what I had learnt at law school and began to draw out a mental plan

as to how to make the doctor pay dearly for this mistake.

At this time, the reality had not set in; I was overcome and

blinded by rage and thoughts of revenge.

All these thoughts came to a screeching halt when I saw my

mother in her bed at the hospital. Her face was lopsided, consistent

with the signs of a stroke. This was something I had only seen in

Ntsiki, daughter-in-law, on the occasion of her traditional wedding ceremony.

“my mind was fighting my heart as it tried to rationalise

what the … outcome of this event might be.”

part 1


awakening my soul








Seeing him so strong, positive and focused really inspired

me to be more positive myself and to send Yvonne positive

energy too. ntsiki, daughter-in-law

On that fateful day, I recall receiving an sms from a colleague which

read: “Yvonne had a stroke and is in hospital. I was completely

shocked. I immediately contacted Kamscilla Naidoo, a colleague, who

I knew would have more information.

From that moment on everything felt like a daze.

It was hard to see this strong robust woman lying in a hospital bed

and I was incredibly fearful of what was to come. michelle rees,

colleague

I remember clearly when I heard the news that Sis Yvonne was

admitted to hospital. It was around 7 p.m. that evening and I was

with my family, at another hospital visiting my sister who had given

birth to her first-born earlier that day. Thokozane, Yvonne’s son and

Ntsiki were also at the hospital to see the new baby.

We were shocked and disturbed by this news. Sis Yvonne, the

woman I had grown to love as a colleague, mentor, mother and friend

was gravely ill. The first thought I had was that I could not imagine

life without her and I knew that I simply would not cope with this. My

own mother had only just passed away a few months previously.

I called my dear friend Lerato who was a colleague both to Yvonne

and me. Together we went to see her in hospital a few days later.

To our surprise we found a strong, upbeat and positive Yvonne who,

instead of us giving her our love and support, gave us strength and

hope. jacqui hlongwane, colleague and friend

Thokozane insisted that he drive, and that drive through to the

hospital felt like going at a real snail’s pace. Maybe this was because

I was feeling anxious and wanted to get to the hospital as quickly as

possible to see how she was.

On arrival at Sunninghill, to my surprise, there she was, chatting

to the family who had arrived. But as I looked more closely at her, I

realised that the left side of her face looked strange. Although I tried

very hard not to show any emotion, it must have shown on my face,

because she looked over at me and said, “Everything will be fine;

don’t worry.”

We overheard the nurses talking amongst themselves. “It’s

amazing that she drove herself to the hospital and walked in, in those

high heels!”

Thokozane was the calmest I had ever seen him. I, on the other

hand, felt very anxious just watching him and imagining what was

happening inside him. Thokozane and his mom are close, they are

best friends and I could only imagine what was going on in his mind.

I had lost my mother just three years previously and I prayed that

he would not have to experience the same loss that I had just had.”

Main picture:Yvonne with USAID representative (far right) and SABC colleagues NicolaGalombik (right)and Gloria Britain (left); Top: JacquiHlongwane, colleagueand confidante; Above: VanessaJansen, colleague

“ … the woman i had grown to love as a colleague,

mentor, mother and friend was gravely ill … “

part 1

awakening my soul

awakening my soul







gift of grace 25

“the sun penetrates the thickest

cloud.” sri swami paramananda

The initial diagnosis was a double stroke, and the brain scan

revealed a dark cloud of blood on my brain. The stroke, it appeared,

was the tip of an iceberg, yet to be discovered.

I needed to understand what had happened to my body and so I

went in search of information. Firstly, I wanted to know what caused

the stroke. I found that a stroke happens when there is a sudden

death of brain cells caused by a lack of oxygen and flow of blood to

the brain. I read that symptons of a stroke were related to the area

of the brain affected. As I continued reading, I recognised my own

symptoms as they had appeared on that evening of the 14th June: the

weakness or paralysis of one side of my body, the weak facial muscles

and the numbness. All these had manifested themselves just as was

described in the article. I learnt that a stroke involving the base of

the brain, as mine did, can affect balance, vision, and breathing and

can lead to unconsciousness.

When I think back to that evening, and what might have

happened had my body succumbed to these symptoms as I drove

from Vereeniging, I know that the angels that had surrounded me

chapter 2

gift of grace

Mik

e J

oh

ns

on

part 1


awakening my soul







27

do to change what had happened and decided to stay focused on

the present rather than dwell on the past. I was thankful that at last

Sunninghill Hospital had discovered the cause of the problem.

During my time in the ICU, it occurred to me that the stroke

might have been connected to the problem in my left ear. As it turned

out, it was.

The diagnosis of the tumour shocked doctors and surgeons alike

and left my family reeling. Logic and science pointed to the fact that

this could not be reversed; only faith and God’s intervention could

remedy this.

When I looked at the scan in the doctor’s rooms and saw the size

of the tumour, I froze. I could not believe its size!

Although surgery had already been scheduled, Doctor Marus, the

brain surgeon, sat me down and said: “We have hit a wall, we cannot

help you. The radiologist’s report, post the angiogram report, says

that the tumour is benign yet vascular, and its position so close to the

brain makes it difficult to operate on. We just cannot take the chance.

I have to release you to go and be with your family. I am sorry. We are

willing to assist where possible if your family requires any support.

were the manifestations of grace and the benevolence of the Creator

who had begun the awakening of my soul in such a direct and

unambiguous way.

After numerous tests, I was informed that the cause of the stroke

was a massive tumour – a Glomus Jugulare Tumour, which occurs with

an estimated annual incidence of 1 case per 1.3 million people in the

world.

I had seen a neurologist in June 2002 for a problem I was having in

my left ear.

I had woken up at 4 a.m. one morning to go to the bathroom and

found that I could not keep my balance as I tried to walk from my

bed. The pain in my ear and the loss of balance were so severe that

I had to support myself by holding onto the walls to steady myself. I

had woken Peter who took me to the hospital.

The neurologist I was seeing could not find the cause of the loss

of hearing nor the reason for the pain I was constantly in. After

examining me and conducting numerous tests, he referred me to an

ENT specialist who also could not find the cause of the problem.

The neurologist then had an MRI scan done and again referred me

to the ENT specialist. No progress could be made on my condition

between 2002 and the stroke.

In June 2007, when I was in hospital after the stroke, the doctors

requested to see the scans taken by the neurologist in 2002. The

tumour was clearly evident on the scan, but had gone undetected by

both the neurologist and the ENT specialist.

On learning that my tumour had gone undetected for all this time,

I slowly came to terms with the fact that there was nothing I could

“logic and science pointed to the fact that this

could not be reversed; only faith and god’s

intervention could remedy this.”

“I felt as if we hadreached the end of the road ....”

Mik

e J

oh

ns

on

part 1


awakening my soul







gift of grace 29

strong.” I could see from his face that this was not making any sense

to him. He wanted to hear a different prognosis.

In the course of these thoughts I realised, with complete clarity,

how I had come to be attached to the people in my life and the work I

was doing, and how irrelevant many things were compared to what I

was facing. Almost in that one instant, I realised what mattered most

to me.

Coming to terms with the news of my mother’s stroke and the

discovery of the tumour was made even more uncomfortable by the

concerned looks on the doctors’ faces as they tried to make their

diagnosis. This became even more frightening as the truth about this

monster became more real in my mind.

This was probably the most ambiguous day of my life. I did

not know whether to be happy because she was alive and doing

reasonably well under the circumstances, or whether to be mad at

the world because we had just effectively been told she should go

home and prepare for her death. The internet is a great source of

knowledge but as I read up about my mom’s tumour, it was more like

a hand twisting the dagger after it has been pushed in so deeply that

there was no more flesh to penetrate.

During those days of uncertainty, I became more fully present

with my mother than I had done with anyone else in my life. I made

a promise that I would make the most of the days we had and

experience each moment fully with her. thokozane

As I listened to Dr Marus’s voice and the words he was saying, I

looked at the brain scan again. I felt as if we had reached the end of

the road after so many consultations and opinions had been offered.

The only thing I wanted to do after hearing those words was to go

home and make peace with everyone and everything.

I said a silent prayer: “Give me strength and courage from here on

and give those I love the same strength and courage to walk with me

as I go from here.“

My thoughts shifted to my boys and what this would mean for

them and where they were in their lives at that point. I pictured the

faces of my husband, my family, brothers and sisters, friends and

soul-mates and how they would respond to this news.

I thought about my second family – the 106 members of my team

at the SABC. I felt a great deal of sadness about not being able to

follow through on everything we’d set in motion together and had

been working towards since 1998. Even though I had full confidence

that they could carry on this vision, I felt an acute sense of loss that I

would not be there to see the results and achievements of our efforts.

I remember the moment with Peter when I was telling him what

the scan had revealed. I remember prefacing my news with “be

“my thoughts shifted to my boys and what this

would mean for them, and where they were in their

lives at that point.”

Thokazane, Tshepoand Katlego

part 1


awakening my soul







31

I was discharged from hospital on Wednesday and went to see Doctor

Pillay the next day. He expressed surprise at the fact that I was still

around to keep the appointment. He wondered out loud what exactly

was keeping me alive. He requested my permission to do some

research into my condition, which I agreed to.

As I left this consultation with him I remember feeling light and at

peace with my future – whatever it would bring.

For two months, Doctor Pillay consulted with his peers and

specialists both nationally and internationally. His research

culminated in a seminar held at the University of Witwatersrand

where my condition was discussed at length by top surgeons and

doctors in the field.

While Doctor Pillay researched a possible course of action, I spent

most of my time in meditation. Only God knew what kept me alive

during that time. Miraculously, there were no further complications.

I attribute my healing to my faith, my choice to let it be, my will

to live, the medical interventions I underwent, and my openness to

receive grace and blessings from various Divine sources. The love

and support of everyone around me provided me with courage and

strength and were in answer to my prayers. One of the greatest gifts

I received from my illness is that I was afforded an opportunity to go

deeper within myself, and discover the truths of my life and the grace

that was available to me at a time when I needed to see beyond what

was obvious and inevitable.

When I was discharged from the hospital, I left with a sense

that loving grace was being extended to me by my Creator. He had

allocated this time to me in his infinite wisdom and love. It was a

My stroke and tumour were such a shock to all of my siblings and I

could see each and every one of them wondering if their sister would

die. I saw them united in action as our mother would have loved to

have seen us all, had she been there to experience this.

Dr Baruch Banai visited me while I was in the ICU. We had

met when I attended his personal transformation courses at the

Centre of Light. “Focus your attention on the tumour and imagine it

disappearing,” he told me. “You can heal yourself and you know that.”

I felt so helpless when I heard the news. I just wished I could have

exchanged places with Yvonne. I thought about the fact that she

was still young, I thought about her children, her career, and I was

overcome with emotion. But you can’t change places. All I could do

was to watch, love and support her. It wasn’t easy.

jabu, yvonne’s sister

Doctor Marus consulted Doctor Pillay, the ENT surgeon at WITS

Donald Gordon Medical Centre, about my tumour. The advice offered

was that conducting an operation was not an option. Dr Pillay

requested that I come and see him after being discharged from the

hospital.

Even though I had told Yvonne that there was nothing that

could be done, I had the distinct feeling that she didn’t believe

that the inevitable was about to happen to her. I read the

courage and strength in her face. She was still positive about the

situation. dr pillay

“when i was discharged from the hospital , i left

with a sense that loving grace was being extended

to me by my creator.”

part 1


awakening my soul







gift of grace 33

paid this much attention to my life before and I had to learn how to

do this very quickly.

I realised that I had been to so many places in the world and I had

done so many things, but there were so many places inside myself

that I had not been to yet and I felt that this was the time to go there

with deep love and purpose.

I suggested that we relax, take a holiday, and take our minds off

the situation.

We never mentioned the fact that this could possibly be the last

time we went on holiday together, but it became the elephant in the

room which we learnt to live with.

Many people questioned the rationality of going on holiday at

such a time. But, between Peter and me, we knew that it was the right

thing to do.

Yvonne loves nature. So we all went down to Durban to spend time

at the beach. This was a very special time for us as a family and

everybody seemed to forget about the uphill battle we were about

sign that I needed to make the most of the time I had left, however

long that was. I love music; there is nothing else that makes my

spirit soar so much, and I listened to music during that time, as I had

never listened before. I read a lot, especially the Bible, and I created a

Gratitude Journal for my daily use.

During the next period, I had a strong need to say everything I felt

I needed to say. To complete the uncompleted conversations, to fill in

the blanks and to say the things I had found difficult to say before.

And I realised how much there was left unsaid. Firstly, there were

things I needed to acknowledge to myself. Then there were the things

I needed to say to others to make things whole again. The flood gates

opened and I poured out all I could find to say.

I spent a lot of time expressing my grace and gratitude in every

way possible. I counted my blessings every day.

I started to give away material things that I had accumulated:

clothes, shoes, handbags, jewellery, ornaments, couches and many

other things that I had cluttered my life up with.

I found that I could tune in to others at a deeper level when

they spoke, which in turn, opened me up as I realised that I had

not listened to my soul as deeply as I could have previously. All

expectations disappeared and I found myself living in every moment

available to me.

I learnt acceptance and made myself available in every sense to

those I spent time with during those days. While this may sound

simple as I write about it here, all of this was new to me. I had not

“i had a strong need to say everything i felt

i needed to say. to complete the uncompleted

conversations, to fill in the bl anks and to say the

things i had found difficult to say before.”

Yvonne in London

part 1


awakening my soul







gift of grace 35

after the radiation treatment. Delayed or late reactions are normally

permanent and can be progressive. These could vary from mild

to severely decreased intellect, memory impairment, confusion,

personality changes, among other changes. All of these symptoms

would depend on the amount of healthy tissue destroyed by the

radiation.

Peter and I spoke about this at length. We wondered whether my

body would be able to withstand the treatment, given the effects of

the stroke. We discussed what possible side effects could result from

the surgery. I expressed reservations about surviving the surgery or

becoming a vegetable for some time after and going through a slow

process of suffering before the inevitable. I prayed very hard about

this. We all prayed.

Doctor Pillay suggested that it would take two weeks to undertake

the necessary preparation, and then Dr Robbie de Muelenaere, an

oncologist at Sandton Clinic, would be ready to do the surgery.

We spent a lot of time at the hospital before the start of the

radiosurgery. There were lots of calls going on between the

to face when we went back. At the back of my mind, I kept thinking;

“Please, if this is going to be the last time we do this together, let it be

the best.” peter

After our time at the seaside and my surrender, I received a message

from Doctor Pillay. He had found a solution. He proposed that I

consider undergoing stereotactic radiosurgery for treating the

tumour.

He explained the radiosurgery to us as a treatment for brain

disorders with a precise delivery of high dosages of radiation to the

affected part of the brain. The focused radiation beams are delivered

to a specific area of the brain to treat the tumour. It does not remove

the tumour or lesion, but distorts the DNA of the tumour cells. The

tumour reduction occurs at the rate of normal growth for the specific

tumour cell. For benign tumours and vessels, this will usually be 18

months to two years.

The doctor cautioned that radiation treatment affected all cells

that were being targeted. This meant that since normal healthy cells

were targeted along with tumour cells, there would be injury to the

healthy cells. Acute reaction would occur during or immediately

“my mom was not one for water, but at the

beach one day, she walked into the water,

threw her arms up into the sky and surrendered

herself to the universe saying, ‘whatever will

be, will be. let it be. ’” tshepo

“Whatever will be, will be. Let it be.”

Mik

e J

oh

ns

on

part 1


awakening my soul







37

her condition was still difficult, she never gave up but rather lived in

the moment and “let it be,” as she came to start saying of life and the

situation. She seemed to be improving as time passed and this gave

us the confidence to feel that she was doing well and the treatment

was taking good effect.” thokozane

When she got home after the treatments, that’s when she was very

sick. I used to have to support her as she went up the stairs to her

bedroom. I prayed to God to give me the strength to walk this road

with her, right up to the end. I prayed for courage and love. And we

walked the road to the end. vuyo, helper at the kgame home

I encountered much of Peter’s greatness, availability, hope, care,

compassion and strength more deeply than before while we were

facing this trauma. There were times that I thought that any husband

would welcome his wife’s death, so that he could be free from the

constraints and challenges of marriage. But when I took ill, I realised

that this was far from my husband’s mind. Instead, I came to see how

deeply he loved and cared for me.

surgeons. A number of specialists were called in. Then there were

more consultations. The situation became more worrying. We

heard conversations about preserving as many of the good cells as

possible.” peter

The radio surgery took a lot out of her; she could hardly walk when

she came out of the theatre and I could see how tired she was. But

she was very brave and faced each one with lots of courage and

determination.

After the first series of treatments, I could see that Yvonne was

just plodding along, putting one foot in front of the other as she went

the distance to complete the series. One day she said: “I don’t know

why I am doing this. But I am going to follow through on the last few

days of this treatment. I’m going right to the end of the track with

this.” peter

Being with my mom after her radiation therapy treatments inspired

me as I witnessed her strength and resilience. Even when physically

spent she was always fighting that extra bit to be available to us and

those around her. Her display of determination to get to the end of

the treatment and her belief that she would beat “this thing” was

amazing and helped to make it so much easier for all of us.

I have not encountered anyone who has had her faith challenged

as much as my mother. During the moments when acceptance of

“her belief that she would beat ‘this thing’ was

amazing and helped to make it so much easier for

all of us.”

part 1

awakening my soul

awakening my soul







unconditional love 39

My time in hospital and the subsequent period at home brought to

light the reasons for my soul being awakened.

I recall lying in the ICU bed and asking Thokozane when he was

going to get married. I think I was asking out of fear that this would

be my end and I’d miss my eldest son’s wedding. He and Ntsiki

married, just two years later in February 2009. I felt so blessed to see

them married in the eyes of God and grateful that I was alive and

well to witness it.

One of my most important awakenings was the realisation that

I had placed my career above my family and loved ones. I lived for

my career. I gave everything to any role I was given, and for this I

paid a heavy price. My children bore the brunt of this choice because

I was away from home on business trips for much of the time. I

missed many of my children’s birthdays. My son’s teacher noticed the

behavioural problems when I was away. I also missed watching the

boys play sport and they were all such good sportsmen.

chapter 3

unconditional love

“a person who doesn’t genuinely show who they

are to the world also becomes invisible, mere

figments of their real selves.”


part 1


awakening my soul








When I wasn’t travelling, I was at work until late in the evening.

Sometimes the boys waited up for me at night so that we could spend

time together, but I often found them fast asleep when I got home. I

realised how much I had let them down.

By comparison, my own parents had been very present in my

life. I learnt from their lives because they taught by example. Their

lives were their teaching. I realised that I had missed important

opportunities with my children.

One day, I came across a handmade Mother’s Day card given to me

by Katlego, my youngest child, which drove home what I was missing

out on.

Only One MotherHundreds of stars in the pretty sky

Hundreds of shells on the shore together

Hundreds of birds that go singing by

Hundreds of lambs in the sunny weather

Hundreds of dewdrops to greet the dawn

Hundreds of bees in the purple clover

Hundreds of butterflies on the lawn

But only one MOTHER the wide world over.

george cooper

I feel that this child, of all my children, has suffered the most.

When he was just a year old, a crucial time in a child’s life, I selfishly

decided to live in England for a year whilst I completed a course at

the Thames Valley University in London.

It is not necessary to re-explain what happened. The most important

thing is the lesson taken from the experience. Growing up, I did not

get the opportunity to spend a great deal of time with mom. Missing

her became very taxing and I missed her more and more after each

trip. It began to show in my school work and sports.

Katlego at 2 months

Then, after her stroke happened, everything made a complete

turnaround. We became closer than ever and spent more time

together having fun, sort of like best friends, but just better. For me,

that was the best thing to come out of this. I guess I can consider it a

blessing in disguise. katlego

It was frustrating having to share my visiting hour with other visitors

whilst my mum was in hospital. Then it struck me, my mum’s life

had touched many others. She was very forgiving. No matter who or

what anyone had done to her, she would still invite them home.

I remember having a dream about the surgery. I dreamt that it

didn’t take place. The doctor attempted to drive the scalpel into my

mum’s head and the blade broke. For me it signified the fact that

she was not going to be operated on. I told her about this dream

while she was ill. I didn’t want to hold back anything and create any

part 1


awakening my soul








negative vibes between us. Through this experience, I learned to open

up to her and love unconditionally.

I shared in the experience of most of the healing processes with

my mum. It was both enlightening and painful to me to watch her,

but it helped me to break through some of my own barriers.

If there is one thing I know that my mother loved with all her

heart, it was her profession. I began to understand that her work was

her service – using creativity to contribute to building a better world.

No matter how we criticised her working hours and workspace,

how she was treated and the challenges she faced, I came to the

conclusion that this was her calling and that is who she is. tshepo

One night it became clear to Tshepo that studying law was not his

passion. He decided to follow a totally different path. When he told

me what he wanted to do, I encouraged him “to follow his passion”

Yvonne with sons Katlego and Tshepoat Katlego’s Matric dinner in 2009

and to “live his dream and be who he was meant to be.” I feel that this

conversation brought us closer together.

My children, Thokozane, Tshepo and Katlego are God-sends in

more ways than just the traditional. They are each unique and very

set in their own ways, yet their love for each other creates a special

bond.

They lovingly tended to me day after day, ensuring that my basic

needs were taken care of. They drove me to and from hospitals and

doctors’ rooms for months and I am eternally grateful and blessed

to have sons who care, love and understand that mothers have their

own unique journeys. But most of all, I am eternally grateful to have

sons who accept me so unconditionally.

It doesn’t matter how old our children are, they are still affected

by what happens to us. I wonder how many parents have asked

themselves what it means to our children when tragedy strikes and

how they are affected by it? Given the chance, what would they

say, how would they feel, what would they have learned from these

experiences and what would keep them moving forward?

I thought about what my absences did to my children. I was

running around in various ways on behalf of my very important

position at work. How could I have guided and nurtured them if I was

never home?

I regret investing so much in my profession and so little in my

family.

At the time of my stroke, Peter and I had been together for twenty

seven years. During this time, I had come to know Peter as a humble

man. He has a big and open heart and cares for everyone. He is filled

with love and feels deeply, is a good provider and no matter what, has

stayed the distance. He is a flexible man and accepts me as I am. The

“most of all , i am eternally grateful to have sons

who accept me so unconditionally.”

part 1


awakening my soul








stroke taught us some valuable lessons. It taught us not to postpone

speaking your truth, forgiveness, letting go and clearing the air before

it could be too late.

Peter has never judged me for my shopaholic tendencies during

that time. What man would put up with a wife who has only two feet

and 200 pairs of shoes? Although I gave away as many as I bought, it

was still quite extravagant. Yet, Peter has never held this against me,

even when I had clever excuses and long-winded explanations for all

my purchases.

I remember a very embarrassing moment when my son Katlego

said to me after a long and exhausting shopping spree: “Mom, Dad is

home already, are we taking all the bags in, or will we leave some in

the car for later?”

My poor sons spent many an afternoon sleeping on the floor

of a shop as I went about my shopping extravagances. I still have

vivid recollections of all the interesting defences I used to justify my

excessive shopping sprees.

I stopped going to confession at church, because I had become far

too busy with my life. There was no time for confession as I inwardly

and outwardly hoarded things to fill up something I was not even

sure about, but knew needed filling.

In the famous words of Julie Andrews: “These are a few of my

favourite things.” No, no, I am not that clichéd! I won’t sing the whole

song to you. I believe that a woman, proud, empowered, with honour

and dignity has to have a few favourite things. Even whilst being a

mother and a wife, I am still enchanted by the spirit of feminity and

love every minute of it. So you want me to get straight into it? Well,

here goes!

What I’ve always loved most were shoes. I love wearing stylish

shoes. Handbags to me were not just a fashionable accessory as I

walked the corridors of the SABC from meeting to meeting; no, they

were a necessity!

Another favourite of mine were pink, purple, green or white body

suits and camisoles. I loved any brand of clothing that was soft with a

bit of lace. I loved push-up bras because they fitted so well! It was my

justification for buying a new bra every month.

I enjoyed all types of perfume and believed that every woman

should complement her own scent with perfume.

I love Mother Nature and still do. To celebrate her, I surround

myself with lovely fresh flowers to keep me in touch with nature and

sustain my spirits.

Music is my passion, so I enjoy different types of music

artists such as Brook Benton, The Spinners, Hlengiwe Mhlaba,

“peter … accepts me as i am. … what man

would put up with a wife who has only two feet

and 200 pairs of shoes?”

Yvonne and colleagues

part 1


awakening my soul








One positive thing about Yvonne’s illness is that it brought the

family closer to each other. I had never seen the family working

together as a team as much as they did during this time. Usually I

would get to the house and everyone would be doing their own thing,

sometimes watching TV in their bedrooms. Now they sit together and

talk and support each other. It made me appreciate the people in my

life more. I learnt that every moment is important and that we have

to appreciate each other while we have the chance. ntsiki

Ringo Madlingozi, Letta Mbuli, Caiphus Semenya, Hugh Masekela,

Vuyo Mokoena, Aretha Franklin, Miriam Makeba and of course Milly

Jackson and Liquid Deep. The first thing I used to do when I got home

from work was to put the CD player on and dance around to the

rhythm of the beat.

I love nothing better than to have a long, hot and luxurious bath,

adding aromatherapy oil to the water to soothe my soul.

Reading is a balm to my soul and I particularly enjoyed books like

Joy by Osho, The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer, Awakening the

Real You by Nancy C. Pohle and Ellen L. Selvover, and what you will

always find in my bag is A Special Gift of Peace & Calm by Helen Exley.

I loved nothing more than sitting down at the table to have

dinner together with the family, connecting and sharing our day’s

experiences at a table bedecked with another of my favourite things:

a snow-white embroidered table cloth along with a few candles to set

the mood.

My all-time favourite is white linen bedding – I love the luxury of

slipping between those sheets.

These were my indulgences and I enjoyed the comfort and beauty

of these favourite things.

I met mom Yvonne for the first time at Thokozane’s 21st birthday

dinner. From that day I became her daughter. I discovered that my

mother knew mom Yvonne. She looked at a photo of her and said,

“She is still so beautiful.”

“one positive thing about yvonne’s illness is that

it brought the family closer to each other.”

Thokozane and Ntsiki at their wedding with Yvonne and all her sisters

part 1

awakening my soul

awakening my soul







the journey inwards 49

The awakening of my soul to recognise my priorities and choices

regarding my family and career was just the start of a series of

deeper insights into my life.

Awakening to new meanings of what guilt and forgiveness were

all about was something I was obviously meant to learn during this

time. My strong Catholic upbringing had shaped my understanding

of forgiveness in a particular way and as I reflected in the ICU in my

moments of quiet solitude, facing the uncertainty of what lay ahead;

I realised that I was carrying a heavy load – a load of guilt about what

I had or hadn’t done in my life.

I had been reading Count Your Blessings, a book Dr John Demartini

had given to me before my stroke. It was to this book that I turned

while in ICU. I was drawn to the chapter entitled “There is Nothing to

chapter 4

the journey inwards

“deep inside a huge potential beckons, waiting to

open us to the infinite wisdom, freedom and love

within. this presence is calling you home right

now, longing to set you free.” brandon bays

Mik

e J

oh

ns

on

part 1


awakening my soul








Forgive” and I found myself reading it over and over again, reflecting

on what it meant for me.

I came to understand that we generally know very little about the

big picture or the grand design of life and the universe. Since all of

existence is part of this master plan, everything and everyone who

exists is part of this perfection – even our illnesses and disease. In the

long run, there are no mistakes; everything is perfect as it happens.

At first, this was a hard concept for me to accept because, as a

Catholic, I was constantly praying for forgiveness. As a young girl I

attended confession regularly. This made me feel that I was a sinner:

why else would I have to go to confession all the time? A sense of

guilt had built up inside me over many years. The guilt led me to

internalise a whole lot of fear.

Dr Demartini’s book taught me that life was a balance and that I

should let go of the fear I was harbouring.

After I had read this, I felt a great sense of release and readiness to

let go of the guilt I was feeling and unconsciously holding on to.

I came to realise that in order to forgive someone, you must first

have judged something they did as bad or wrong, and to assume

judgement was to behave as if you knew everything there was to

know about a person or a situation.

I began to think that our limited vision and self-centred

perspectives may sway us to believe that what we saw and

experienced was all bad and wrong, but the universe always

maintains a perfect balance. Everyone who exists, and everything

that occurs, is an integral part of the master plan to help us learn

lessons of unconditional love and realise our true potential.

I started to ask myself, “Who am I to judge the workings

of the universe?” When I was able to humble myself, I clearly

“i felt a great sense of release and readiness to

let go of the guilt i was feeling …”

comprehended that all of my perceptions,

beliefs, knowledge, and wisdom only amounted

to a grain of sand in the vast ocean of conscious

possibilities. That’s why it’s much wiser to

reserve judgement and look for the balance of

benefits in every so-called negative person and every event that

we encounter.

Wow! What a comforting moment of realisation and truth this

was for me. I began to see how I could liberate myself from the guilt I

had been feeling and the way I had conducted my life so far.

It was amazing that, just at the time I was discharged from the

hospital in June 2007 to spend a weekend at home with my family,

Dr Demartini happened to be in the country and I was blessed

to meet him. He met me for one hour at the Park Hyatt hotel in

Rosebank. At this stage the doctors weren’t sure if they would go

ahead with the surgery or not. Deep in my heart I knew that I didn’t

want to be operated on.

He was positive that there was something else that I needed to

do. He suggested that I needed to express my creativity. We didn’t

“Dr Demartini focused on the need for creativeexpression.”

“I needed to expressmy creativity.”

Mik

e J

oh

ns

on

part 1


awakening my soul







53

talk about the tumour at all, but focused on the need for creative

expression. I cried uncontrollably during the entire time we were

together.

As I spoke about my thoughts and feelings about the operation, he

looked me straight in the eye with so much love that the tears started

rolling down my face again. He asked me very simply: What do you

want?

After I had completed several Breakthrough programmes with

him, Dr Demartini advised me to meet with Clarissa, his ambassador

in South Africa, to do some further exploration and tap into my

unique inner power, a power we all possess.

During my session with Clarissa, I realised that there was much

that I still had to contribute to awaken and unleash the magnificent

creative genius of Africa. When I left the session with her, although

my body was ill, my spirits were soaring with the vision of what it

was that I had to live for.

Tanasa Mageza, Cordelia Mageza, Molly Mageza (sisters-in-law),

Maseboge Lefoka and Lulama Zabala, who were all friends and

soul sisters, came to visit me just after I was discharged from the

hospital. The news of the tumour, and that there was nothing further

medically that could be done for me, hovered over us like a menacing

dark cloud before a typical Highveld summer storm.

I vividly recall it was a Sunday when they all arrived to pray and

meditate with me. Molly and Tanasa told me about a programme

called The Journey, which they advised me to attend. They were

emphatic about this.

The Journey, I discovered, was a healing programme offered by

the internationally acclaimed mind-body-healing expert Brandon

Bays who, after being diagnosed with a tumour herself, undertook a

healing process to heal herself. What caught my attention about the

programme was that it was described as a unique tool for awakening

and liberating human potential. Thousands of people worldwide, who

had taken the programme, have testified to freeing themselves from

fear, anxiety, stress, depression, low self-esteem, chronic anger and

rage, physical illnesses and disease.

Molly repeated: “You must go,” and before leaving, presented me

with a book and DVD about Brandon Bays.

In August 2007, after having started the radiosurgery, I became

quite ill. I had lost my sense of balance and could not stand up on

my own. I was constantly dizzy and had no appetite. I heard that

Brandon Bays was in the country and, despite my condition, I was

inspired to attend The Journey.

Tanasa and her son, Tsakane, collected me and took me to the

venue where the programme was being held. Even though Tanasa

had already completed The Journey, she attended for the sole purpose

of supporting me.

I clearly remember the looks of sympathy from other participants

over lunch as I managed to eat only five strips of potato chips.

Tsakane was a precious gift to me. After completing The Journey, he

visited me often and assisted me to live what I had learnt. I started to

let go of anger and embrace the process of forgiveness.

Tsakane, a young, strong and great person reminded me how

much I could learn from my children and the younger generation. My

encounter with him taught me not to allow the past or the future to

keep me from enjoying the present. It was such a blessing to receive

deep love from this great soul. He taught me to love and trust without

reservation or doubt.

The gifts I took with me from The Journey were meant to nurture

my soul, to remind me to drink lots of water and to stop and breathe.

But most of all, I learnt that our bodies integrate and process what

we go through emotionally and psychologically.

“i started to let go of anger and embrace the

process of forgiveness.”

part 1


awakening my soul







55

I realised that the stroke and the discovery of the tumour were

indeed gifts because they served as the wake-up call that would bring

me to discover my deeper purpose.

In the weeks that followed, I learnt many different ways to

experience the Source of Life instantaneously. The physical journey

towards healing felt relatively easier after I have gone through the

emotional journey. It was like being guided through the unreal, like a

fairy tale or an internal adventure of sorts.

Prior to attending The Journey event, Tanasa had recommended

that I do a one-to-one session with one of The Journey teachers, Angie

Jameson. My son Tshepo drove me there as I was still very weak and

unbalanced. This turned out to be one of the deepest journeys my

soul would ever experience and I could feel it from the moment I met

with Angie as she opened the gate for us.

Up until then, I had also been living with Type 2 Diabetes and a

fatty liver for seventeen years. All of these afflictions of the body

disappeared after my encounter with The Journey and The Art of

Living. Dr Sindeep Bhana, BSc, MB, BCh, FCP, an endocrinologist

in private practice at Melrose Arch and Chris Hani Baragwanath

Hospital, who had diagnosed the fatty liver, reported a perfect blood

profile in March 2008.

In just under a year after the stroke, I had fully recovered from the

traumatic impact of the tumour, and the hearing in my left ear had

been restored by sixty percent.

Here is Angie’s account of The Journey:

“i realised that the stroke and the discovery

of the tumour were indeed gifts because they

served as the wake-up call that would bring me to

discover my deeper purpose.”

Preparation: The facilitation room is ready, clean, pristine, warm,

fresh flowers (sometimes even just “a” flower) water to drink,

cushions fluffed up – soft and welcoming. After all, “who is really

arriving soon?” I chase out the cat – maybe she is cat allergic! “Sorry

Imu.”

Certainly I have little idea of what is really going on in the body,

mind, being of my next client.

My prayer is simple. A deep breath – eyes closed. “May the highest

and the deepest be present, so that whatever needs to take place for

her highest good, on a cellular, molecular, physical, mental, emotional

and spiritual level, by the grace of God, can and will be healed.”

A hundred times before ... The same honesty ... love and

acceptance ...

And then the surrender –

Tshepo arranged to pick up his mother later ... Two or three hours

or so, I said. I took his cell phone number and looked into his eyes ...

The unthinkable was happening to this young man.

As his mother, obviously very ill yet calm, took a seat: “Hello

Yvonne.”

“The facilitation room is ready, clean, ... fresh flowers”

Mik

e J

oh

ns

on

part 1


awakening my soul








Her smile, half a mile wide, yet distorted, lop-sided, her eye closed

and her jaw pulled to the side, speaking words softly yet audible,

from a hideous contortion of a woman’s face …

“As you can see, my dear ... the tumour, its devastating effects ...”

All I saw was perfect, a glimpse of perfect, the being behind the

mask. I felt her awareness …

“Well, the doctors said … go home and put things in place. Say

everything you need to say to your husband, your sons. Put order in

whatever life you have left.”

I could not feel the “life you have left” part. Yvonne had an

extraordinary presence ...

She continued: “My husband and sons came to fetch me from the

clinic, after the news; I felt their fear and anxiety ... we drove silently

until I asked him to drive me to a place where I could buy music,

CDs.”

“My son said, ‘Mom, you have been sent home because they can’t

do anything further for you and … and you want me to drive you to

a music shop? To buy CDs ...?’” he asked, with disbelief in his voice.

They bought music she just did not have time for previously. Too busy

at SABC, too late coming home, no self-time.

After telling Angie my story, the session continued.

Yvonne closed her eyes and settled down – I could hardly hear her

voice.

We went deeper. Feel the feeling ... fear, and sadness. Let the story

go ... She softened, let it all go, there is only now. A tear rolled down

her face – one tear.

Say what can’t be said. “I am not ready to go anywhere, I belong

here, and there is much for me still to do.” An inner conviction kept

Yvonne as a young child

coming through about this “timing” and an unwillingness to accept a

decision taken by others about her life – or at least the ending of it.

I guided her through her rising emotions – we were in this

moment together. On some level I just knew Yvonne wasn’t ready to

go anywhere except maybe home to listen to music … I believed her.

I had learned from my journey training: the most vulnerable

parts of our self are linked to a name or pet name given fondly to us

in childhood ... “What name did the family call you when you were

growing up?” I asked.

Yvonne responded, “Vontiti!! Von.”

The little child began to show up. She spoke about her relationship

with her grandmother, who was a strong mentor with a strong, loving

spirit ... her belief in her little granddaughter’s gifts of sight, intuition,

knowingness, believing her granddaughter when she saw and

communicated with the departed family.

“i am not ready to go anywhere, i belong here, and

there is much for me still to do.”

part 1


awakening my soul







59

Yvonne said: “My grandmother never doubted me, what I knew,

who I had seen, even though members of the family had recently

passed on, like my uncle Madwaleni, who told me during that fateful

night, ‘Say goodbye to your mother for me’ ...”

Her mother, bless her, was astonished when the news of her

brother’s death arrived by usual means, the following morning.

During Yvonne’s process, as she revealed more of her childhood,

her sensitive nature as a young girl became apparent and also

revealed a possible clash of values and belief systems within the

family she was born into. The church’s condemnation and parental

disappointment: “... But my grandmother knew me very well.” The

adult woman sitting next to me, eyes closed, dropped her head and

sadly remembered, “They just didn’t know what to make of me.”

We continued the journey process work for several weeks in the

quiet surroundings of her home. Pouring out memories of the church,

guilt, doubt blocking the gift, betrayal in adulthood, overwork and so

neglecting her relationship with her boys. How they had pleaded with

her to watch them play rugby, sports. “Just be there, Mom” they said.

She never did see them win, or even play.

One morning in her bedroom, the music system switched on

independently, we heard her mother’s favourite piece of music

playing. “She’s here,” Yvonne said. She remembered why she was even

born ... “I know why I’m here,” she said. The system switched itself off.

Another six or seven sessions took place in her home. I never ever

felt she was home to die, but to live. And live in a way she had never

been able to fulfil before.

Weeks into her journey, I began to see the distortion in her face

transform. A shift began to take place.

All therapies contributed and after all the trauma, underneath

all the layers of physical, mental and emotional pain, a deep and

profound experience of source took place. Yvonne was surrendering

into an experience of love that was indescribable, everywhere and

unlimited.

“This is all there is.” … “This is who I am, I’m home,” she said. “I’m

home.”

Perhaps we forget to pray “in gratitude” for the wholeness that

is already present. And instead lower ourselves into pleading and

begging for what is unconditionally ours to use every day, with faith

and trust that “it is already done”.

So be it. angie

The process of The Journey opened up a whole lot of blessings and

grace for me. The process removed all the blockages and many things

started happening: more doctors came to me, I was introduced to

The Art of Living, and I received more grace and light from all sorts of

sources.

“ yvonne was surrendering into an experience

of love that was indescribable, everywhere

and unlimited.”

part 1

awakening my soul

awakening my soul







strong leader with a big heart 61

The great awakening in my career was to transform my workaholism

into purpose and bring greater clarity and focus to what I was already

doing. “I may have a small problem with overwork,” we like to tell

ourselves, “but I am not really a workaholic.” Working at the public

broadcaster was challenging, and my body, mind and soul were all

affected by this time of transition in South Africa. I did public service

as if there was no tomorrow. In my arrogance I believed that no one

could do things in the manner that I did, so I pushed myself to do

everything.

Something I had learnt from my mom was to ask myself every

night before I went to bed: “In whatever I did today, in whatever

conversations I had today, have I contributed to the development of

my fellow human beings? Have I managed to touch anyone today? …

If so how? If not, what stopped me?”

chapter 5

strong leader with a big heart

“although you have been told that nothing

succeeds like success, i say to you that nothing

fails like success. happiness has nothing to do

with success.” osho

part 1


awakening my soul








Yvonne is a very driven woman, yet she never put herself

first. Her service was to South African audiences. When her father

was ill, she dutifully took turns with her family members to see

him at the hospital, and then would be back at work. On the day he

passed away, she was at work.

Despite suffering continuous pain in her ear, she didn’t take time

off from work. Yvonne was not just a leader and a manager, she

was a friend. She cared about everyone and took an interest in our

lives. kamscilla naidoo

Yvonne and I first met when we worked together for a publisher in

1995. It was serendipity that brought us back together again when

I joined the SABC as her secretary in Educational Programming in

2002. We have worked together ever since.

Yvonne is a strong-minded individual with clear ideas about

how she wants things done. Be it the way a document is structured

and packaged, the way tea is served to guests at our offices, or the

way her desk has to be cleaned. She could be pedantic about these

seemingly inconsequential things. This was draining at times, but

over the years I have come to understand and accept her and her

idiosyncrasies.

Yvonne’s mind worked so quickly that, more often than not, she

did not complete her sentences before moving onto the next topic

and many were left wondering what the conclusion was to the

previous sentence. As much as Yvonne is kind and generous, there

have been many occasions over the years when I’d have to count to

ten and pray for strength to endure her temper – albeit not often. but

when it did happen, it was explosive. Yvonne’s anger changed her

completely – it’s as if she was a different person.

She was a total workaholic and used to work straight through

lunch and didn’t leave the office before eight in the evening. She

would be on her feet the entire day. This destructive behaviour had to

stop sometime, and the stroke definitely stopped it.

It was hard to see this strong, robust woman lying in a hospital

bed. Her faith was so strong that instead of me comforting her, she

was comforting me. When I visited her, I read her favourite Bible

passages to her and the words, it seemed, flowed into her and gave

her strength.

I am pleased to note that she now looks after herself so much

better in that she takes breathers throughout the day, has lunch, and

leaves the office when the sun is still up.

“it was hard to see this strong, robust woman

lying in a hospital bed. her faith was so strong

that instead of me comforting her, she was

comforting me.”

Main picture: Yvonnewith Kamscilla and other SABC colleagues

Top: Kamscilla Naidoo,Above: Michelle Rees

part 1


awakening my soul








Even though she had a brain tumour and suffered a stroke, her

faculties and memory remain intact. She diarises in her head and

doesn’t forget anything – she always remembers exactly what she has

asked for, although names elude her at times. Yvonne’s outlook on

life has changed dramatically and she now balances her life. She does

everything in moderation and constantly lives in awareness, being

fully present and fully accepting of everything in life.

Considering what she has lived through, and despite the reality

of her near-death experience, Yvonne does not live in fear, nor is she

preoccupied with her illness. She takes responsibility for her illness

and doesn’t blame anyone for causing it. Yvonne is a big person with

an even bigger heart and she has touched me in ways words can’t

describe. michelle

Yvonne and the SchoolTV Pezoolies

In August 2004, my principals recommended that I attend a course

at the Insight Training Centre. These courses empower individuals to

face challenges at the workplace through personal transformation.

For some reason (which I now know was divine guidance), my leaders

wanted me to attend these courses. I whole-heartedly embraced the

idea without fear or doubt.

It was only when I was in the ICU that I realised how blessed I

am to have worked with bosses that were not only interested in my

performance but in my well-being and that they connected with me

more deeply than just as an SABC employee.

They came to visit me at the ICU immediately when they heard

the news. I believe that they are my soul mates. When I needed them,

they were there. I felt so encouraged and inspired to see them that I

saw myself out of the ICU and back at the SABC.

It dawned on me that my role at the SABC was a beautiful gift that

I had been given when I was first employed in 1998 as the Editor of

Children and Schools Programming. The greatest gift to me was the

space to manifest who I am through the work I was doing. The SABC

also gave me a gift when they made a documentary out of my story,

“Strokes of Grace,” as part of a series called It Happened to Me that was

shown on TV channels in October 2008.

Sometime in early 2006, just before I was to get my Moment of

Grace with my Maker, a Commissioning Editor within the SABC

Content Hub (where I was the General Manager at the time)

named Anu Nepal told me about the Art of Living Foundation and

encouraged me to attend their breathing classes. I scoffed at the

thought and doubtfully told her that I could never take so much

time off work for a silly course. Little did I know that the Art of Living

would contribute to changing my life.

“the greatest gift to me was the space to manifest

who i am through the work i was doing.”

part 1


awakening my soul








There is no doubt in my mind that Kamscilla, who joined the

SABC in November 2004, needed to be there. The reason was not

clear, but I knew she had to be there.

It was very clear to me that our relationship was dictated by

God and she was sent to guide and strengthen me. I watched how

she related to me and the kinds of things she said. She was always

worried about my health and advised me to look after myself. She

was one of the first people to see if there was something physically

bothering me, just by looking at my face, skin texture or eating habits.

I am amazed when I look back at the physical and spiritual gifts

she gave me. They all have to do with love, higher consciousness and

deep faith. I still enjoy reading all the books she gave me. Each time

she gave me something to read, I met myself in these books.

The last book I received from her was Leadership for an Age of Higher

Consciousness, by Swami Krishnapada It is an amazing conversation

advising us to approach “the threshold of the 21st century with our

spirit and understanding reshaped, refashioned, reorientated and

remade.” As he says in his chapter on developing skills, “human

beings are co-creators with God, reflecting the fact that they are

made in the image of God. The thoughts they think and the words

they speak today are constantly creating their tomorrows … those

who learn to control their thoughts and words, control their future.”

Kamscilla has a unique and interesting soul. She is direct, firm,

a real disciplinarian, strong and – unlike me – quite formal in her

approach. Yet on the other hand, she is kind, generous, caring and

available. We can differ, fight, and argue, it doesn’t change the fact

that we are soul mates.

“when i was in hospital , she spoke to me saying,

‘ you have to make a choice about whether to die or

live. ’ … she instructed me to choose life.”

Kamscilla ran the race with me. She saw me at my worst in the

hospital ICU, supported me through the healing and acted in my

position at work during the time I was ill.

When I was in hospital, she spoke to me saying, “You

have to make a choice about whether to die or live.” In her

particular “Kamscilla style”, she instructed me to choose life.

My journey with Sis Yvonne spans many years. During this

time, we shared many good experiences as well as some of

life’s challenges.

The news of her illness and hospitalisation left me feeling

anxious and sad. But, as the saying goes, everything happens

for a reason – the reason is seldom understood when the

incident happens, but with time comes comprehension of the

lessons. verona

Work was a complex place to be in. To say it was stressful would

be a major understatement, but interestingly enough there were

friendships irrespective of the tensions. This is what I felt with

Yvonne; she was not just my boss, but a dear friend too.

When I learnt about Yvonne’s stroke, I was shocked into

silence. I had just returned from a very enriching trip, which she

asked me to take on her behalf. I imagined how much worse the

situation could have been if Yvonne had taken that extremely long

flight. Could the stress have been too much? It had indeed been a

blessing that it had been me instead of her who took the stress of

that long journey. It dawned on me that Yvonne had somewhere deep

inside known that going all the way to Canada was not something

she could have done. Her body just couldn’t have taken the pressure.

It has always been Yvonne’s intuitiveness that amazed me, she sees

much more than she speaks.

Top: VeronaDuwarkahBelow: Kethiwe Ngcobo

part 1


awakening my soul







69

The Content Hub was severely shaken by her absence. What

would happen now? Who would take the lead? How would we cope

without her leadership? Would she get well? I was intensely worried

and troubled. Every night I prayed and thought about all that we had

gone through with Yvonne. It filled all my thoughts. The news didn’t

get better.

Eventually I plucked up the courage to go and see Yvonne.

Over the next few weeks and months we met fairly regularly, and

each time our bond grew stronger. She wasn’t just my boss, she was

a soul sister. We laughed; we listened to music and talked in hushed

tones when we gossiped. We could spend nearly a whole day together

and it felt as if we had only spent an hour together.

Each time I met her I felt an intense inner dialogue was taking

place. She was willing herself better and positively affirming her

health. And the more we met, the more I knew she would survive and

thrive.

Over the next few months she willed herself well. Yes, there was

major medical intervention, but to me she was just beating it flat

out. But in a way, I didn’t pay as much attention to that as her own

ability to heal herself. And that’s exactly what she did. The illness

has actually been a blessing; it has led her to a space of deep inner

healing. kethiwe

“each time i met her i felt an intense inner

dialogue was taking pl ace. she was willing herself

better and positively affirming her health. …

i knew she would survive and thrive.”

As I saw her lying in her room at the time of her healing, a few weeks

after she was diagnosed with the tumour, I reflected on the energy

and passion of Yvonne, a soul I knew was not of this world because

for me, she belonged beyond time and space.

While I sat with her I said: “You are the Mother … You are our

mother. You have to live because your calling is a greater one. You are

the Healer, the Light Bringer and the Knower … the knower of truth.”

In her current form as Yvonne, I sensed that her role is to serve,

guide and be the instrument of change wherever she is placed. Today

it may be the corporate world … Who knows about tomorrow?

That afternoon, in a candle-lit room, Verona, Lerato and I prayed,

massaged her, held her as she often held us; and as the ancient

Sanskrit sounds echoed in the room, taking us all into a space of joy,

the energy of healing filled the air so that we were not of this body or

form. We became One and that alone mattered … no past nor future,

but just that moment. yashika

During the time I was recovering from the stroke, I came across a

quotation by Theophile Obenga, a leading Senegalese intellectual,

writing about Africa’s renaissance in the 21st Century.

This quotation stayed with me and as I started out on my new

path, I allowed these thoughts to guide my steps.

“Any Renaissance must correspond to a period of strong emotions,

intensive creativity … – an exceptional period when a generation’s

creative genius discovers its mission, fulfils it to its best … It

should correspond to great moments in history and great works. All

peoples want re-birth after misfortune: wars, genocide, holocaust,

ignorance, obscurantism, colonialism. Rebirth is a positive attitude of

hope.” theophile obenga”

essence of belonging

“it is not what you are called, but what

you answer to.” african proverb

part 2

Mik

e J

oh

ns

on

part 1


awakening my soul







live while you are alive 73

The family unity should remain intact. This injunction is nowhere

more beautifully expressed than in the words; “Bambanani njenge

nyanda yezinkuni ebophene,” like a bundle of sticks tied together for ”

firewood that cannot be broken when they are bound.

These words belonged to my mother and passed on to us, when

she was ill and dying. She called me to her bedside where I sat,

carefully writing the letter she wanted her children to receive as her

parting words. As the writer in the family, my duty was to ensure

that her words were carefully noted and communicated. Before she

left this world, my mother wanted us all to know that she loved us

equally and did not have any favourites.

My mother was carrying on a tradition that her mother had

started thirty one years previously when she wrote a letter to her

children when she was about to pass on.

chapter 6

live while you are alive

“‘bambanani njenge nyanda yezinkuni ebophene’

– like a bundle of sticks tied together for firewood

that cannot be broken when they are bound.”

Joh

n I

ng

lis

part 1

74 essence of belonging

awakening my soul








Vicky Nomsa, the eldest, was the first sister to survive after my

mother had lost three children at birth. She has lived up to her name

of having an open and caring heart and reminds me of my mother

in so many ways. During my illness she touched me most when

she prayed over water for me to drink which I believe helped in my

healing. Her warm sincerity radiated faith and hope. We were both

professional teachers but, inspired by our mother, she took on the

additional role of healer in our family, a role that became increasingly

meaningful both to me and the rest of the family.

Jabu, the second-born, was out of the country when the trauma

occurred. She was a second mother to us all and I knew that my

news would cause deep anxiety to this beloved sister because of her

motherly role. From the day she returned, she stayed close to me,

staying by my side daily, assisting me with all that I needed. Even

though I was not allowed to eat peanut snacks and chocolate, she

would sneak them to me when no one was looking, making me feel

like we were just two little girls again, doing things that sisters would

do. Jabu’s acts of kindness fed my soul and lifted my spirit during

those dark days.

Jabu took care of meals by either delivering cooked food or

cooking in our kitchen for the family. She was always the last to leave

at night, once again taking on a motherly role to my sons. She was a

pillar of strength to Nomvuyo Jula, our family helper. Vuyo, as we call

her, has been with us since Katlego’s first year. She was orphaned at a

young age and never attended school. I took her through adult basic

As the news of my stroke reached my siblings and the drama

and uncertainty of my life became known, my mother’s words were

brought to mind as the family gathered around me.

The stroke and the discovery of my tumour sent shock waves

through the family. I could read disbelief on the faces of siblings,

nieces and nephews and read the question on their faces: “Will our

sister and aunt live?” During the time of my illness, I experienced

them united in action, just as our mother had painstakingly urged us

to do from her death bed.

Even though we were all very different, our mother’s words spun

a golden thread of unity, holding us together at a time when we all

needed the solidarity. The essence of this unity was the values of

grace, love and respect instilled in us by our parents.

My nieces and nephews did as their mothers did. They supported

me in whichever way they could and I will hold them dear. So, love,

respect, grace and gratitude to you all.

“even though we were all very different, our

mother’s words spun a golden thread of unit y,

holding us together at a time when we all needed

the solidarit y.”

Yvonne’s brothers, Shadrack (left) and James (right) and all of her five sisters: Victoria, Jabu, Joyce, Maureen and Pinky

part 1


awakening my soul








occupied a very special place in my mother’s prayers. She always

prayed for blessings and grace for her only son.

James, a quiet and deep person, spoke to me through the prayers

he offered on my behalf. I observed Madison, an energetic, action

loving, positive person, become calm and quiet during the times he

visited me. One day, when I gave him some furniture, he wanted to

know whether these were my parting gifts to him.

I was touched by Maureen’s willingness to travel with her soulful

son, Mohato, from the East Rand to my home in the north, sometimes

twice a day. Her role was to remind me of the power of prayer as

practised in the Catholic tradition. She was reconnecting me with

this gift from our mother. Maureen was a number cruncher and

understood mathematical language and applications. I could see her

using her mathematical sense to calculate the effects of the stroke

on all of us as families adjusted their lives to be around me. Her

presence reminded me to keep a clear, uncluttered mind and to stay

education and now she reads and writes. She has been with us for

nineteen years and is regarded as a family member.

Vuyo, although a strong character, was devastated to see me in

the physical condition I was in after the stroke. It was wonderful to

witness Jabu being a source of strength to Vuyo.

Jabu continues to live her calling as a psychologist and social

worker. Even as a young child she relieved some of my parents’ stress

by taking responsibility for the younger siblings. She bathed us,

cooked for us, made sure we had pocket money and dropped us off at

school.

It was difficult to talk with her about accepting what was

happening and to convince her that all would be well in whatever lay

ahead. She is a compassionate and sensitive soul and lived her life as

my mother did; serving those in need. It was as painful to both of us

as I spoke of what might happen.

Shady Nhlanhla, the third-born and our only biological brother,

was the “leader of the pack” together with his wife Phumza, and with

James and Madison, our cousins, raised as our brothers after our

aunt’s passing. As sisters, we sometimes overwhelmed Shady with

our vibrant and diverse personalities and female energy. Shady loved

us all and quietly assumed his brotherly role and duties in our female

dominated family.

During the time between the diagnosis and the surgery, Shady

withdrew into silence. It was clear that he was hurting. However,

he remained available and supportive in every way he could. Shady

“her presence reminded me to keep a clear,

uncluttered mind and to stay focused during

a time when i needed to be avail able to those

around me …”

Yvonne, Vuyo and Thokozane

part 1


awakening my soul







79

“It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to

know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been

opened by life’s betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of

further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own,

without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.”

oriah mountain dreamer

At this point in my awakening, Oriah’s words unearthed my

aching for intimacy with myself, with others and with the sacredness

of existence. The question that touched my soul to the extent that

I could not breathe was, “Can you see and touch the Divine that is in

everything?”

I woke up to this question day after day.

Another question from the book took me right to the core of my

call on the night of the fourteenth of June.

“… I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool, for love, for your

dream, for the adventure of being alive.”

My soul kept being asked the question, in a clear and

unambiguous tone: “Do you want to live? Or do you want to die?”

This hard yet tender question remained in my mind in the

days and nights that followed, returning me again and again to

experiencing the awakening of the original and unique rhythm of my

body, mind and soul.

I had reached my turning point. My decision was made and I

chose life.

The bonds of love shared with my family were the wind beneath

my wings that brought me to a place of choice. And how I needed to

reach that point!

focused during a time when I needed to be available to those around

me and to try and ease what they were experiencing.

Joyce Zanele was the auditor in the family. I witnessed her

shift from shock and upheaval at the news to using her auditing

skills to think about possibilities and probabilities as outcomes to

the situation. Her continuous running around to make sure that

everything was taken care of and that I was comfortable, brought

peace of mind to us as we held together in our bundle of love and

positive energy.

Pinky Phumulile, our beautiful youngest sister, carried blessings

with her as bequeathed to her by our maternal grandmother. Our

grandmother told my pregnant mother that she knew that she would

die before Pinky was born. She saw a beautiful daughter wearing a

white coat being born to my parents and predicted that Pinky would

be the last child. My grandmother passed away in January and Pinky

was born just two months later in March.

Just as my grandmother had predicted, Pinky became a neo-natal

specialist, her vision to save the lives of new-born babies realised. I

have no doubt that her vision was born out of the experience of our

family having lost four babies.

Pinky brought our grandmother’s spirit of faith and resilience

to my healing process. She gave me a copy of the international,

bestselling book entitled The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer.

The chapter that stayed with me long after I had read it was entitled

“The Sorrow,” and it called me back to read it again and again.

Here is the beautiful gem by Oriah, passed on through Pinky my

sister and, I believe, channeled by my beloved grandmother.

“… i want to know if you will risk looking like a

fool , for love, for your dream, for the adventure

of being alive.” oriah mountain dreamer

part 1


awakening my soul







living fully, dying gracefully 81

Since I was about seven years old, I remember these words being

constantly spoken by my mother. They proved to be amongst the best

inheritances I received from her and became the principle by which

I strive to live my life. But I discovered that trying to live by these

words was easier said than done.

“Every time you do something, add an ounce of passion,” she

would say: “Do it like you are putting on a world class show and

chapter 7

living fully, dying gracefully

“everything you do in this house must be done

with passion, focus, energy and pride! a simple

thing like making a cup of tea must be turned

into a show. from the way you prepare your cups,

saucers, teapot and teaspoons to the way you

prepare and hold your serving tray. i don’t care

if the tea is cold and weak or even if it spills in

the tray as you bring it to me, as long as it shows

that you have done your best!” mma margaret sesana chirwa

Ga

llo

Im

ag

es

/ D

es

tin

y /

Pa

tric

k T

os

ell

i

part 1


awakening my soul







living fully, dying gracefully 83

her specialities, and sadly, none of us mastered her secret way of

preparing them.

My mother lived with cancer of the kidneys for many years. Even

though the doctors gave her a short time to live, she endured for a

year and a half after their pronouncement. During this time, she kept

her faith, laughter and love for life. I am grateful that I could be by

her side as she took her final steps. Little did I know at the time, that

she was teaching me something that I would need to know and apply,

just ten years later. She was demonstrating how to live fully and die

gracefully, and it was when I was facing my own possible end that my

experience with her became a source of wisdom to draw from.

I never questioned her about how she knew it was time for her to

die. She seemed to know because she died just a week later than she

had predicted.

By the time I was born, my mother had already lost four beautiful

daughters in their infancy, which left her physically fragile. In order

to protect and nurture me, and out of compassion for her daughter,

my grandmother raised me for the first five years of my life.

I vividly recall my grandmother’s green and white clothes, which

she wore most days. She loved wearing a green doekiii.

It was only when I explored the meaning of colour during my

own healing, that the significance of the colour green became clear

to me. The association between my grandmother and the colour

green provided a source of inspiration for me. Green symbolises life,

nature, well-being and balance. It also represents learning, growth

iii Head scarf

imagine that after every show, your audience has been moved

by the meticulous manner in which you applied yourself”.

As I get older, I am grateful for the lessons I learnt from my

mother, not as textbook knowledge but as practical life lessons learnt

at her knee. These words inspire me to live a life I am proud of and to

be passionate about what I do and who I am.

My mother, Margaret Sesana Chirwa (nee Bracks) passed away

on the 17th of January, 1997, yet I still hear the echo of her laughter,

feel her warm hand touching my forehead, and hear her gentle voice

saying: “Thoba ntombazane.i” I still picture her beautiful smile as she ”

said those words.

My mouth waters when I think of her meat and fish pies, pickled

fish, scrumptious mashed potatoes, homemade ginger beer, domboloii,

ginger and coconut biscuits, jam tarts and the wonderful Ideal

Milk fruit pudding she made for Sunday lunch dessert. These were

i humble yourself

ii steamed bread

“i vividly recall my grandmother’s green and white

clothes, … the colour green provided a source of

inspiration for me.”

Main picture:Yvonne’s mother, MargaretSesana Chirwa;Above: Yvonne’s grandmother, Kotini Ndinisa

i

by the m

part 1


awakening my soul







85

As time passed by, she noticed that the fence was beginning to fill

up with nails.

One day, as the boy noticed how many nails he had knocked into

the fence, he realised that it was time to start undoing them.

As the days went by, he began to say more and more loving things

to people, and started removing more and more nails from the fence. One

day, he looked at the fence and saw that he had removed all the nails.

He went to his mom and asked, “I don’t really understand what is

behind this game of knocking in and removing of nails”.

His mom, once again, drew him to her bosom where he loved to be

and explained, “Every time we say something hurtful and unpleasant to

others, their hearts bleed. We walk away, feeling as if we have achieved

something by having put them right in their place. This is what the

knocking in of the nails is all about.”

“When we go back to the person and humbly apologise and they

accept the apology, we are removing the nails from the fence.

So, what did you notice about playing this game?” she asked him.

The little boy looked sadly at the fence and replied: “The fence has

so many holes in it now.”

“Yes,”said his mother, “the holes are the scars that we leave behind

when we don’t treat others with respect, love and compassion.”

When I was ready to start school, my grandmother passed away. It

was as if she saw her role and duty as my protector and teacher as

complete.

and harmony. Green symbolises the master healer and life force, it

contains the powerful energies of nature and symbolises change and

transformation which are necessary for growth and sustainability.

My grandmother had all these characteristics. Grace and gratitude

to her yesterday, today, tomorrow, in this life and always.

My grandmother taught me about life through the power of story

telling and she taught us to co-create and act stories. I cherish the

stories my grandmother shared with me. Here is one I remember

well.

There was once a farmer who had a beautiful wife and son. The

son was an aggressive and unhappy child because he was lonely. He

complained that he had no friends, no one special to play with. No one to

swim in the river with, to play ball with or to laugh, fight or go to sleep

with at night.

You see, this boy was selfish. He always wanted to get what he

wanted and didn’t care about anyone who stood in his way. This boy

was the best at horse-riding, swimming, stick fights and the best at

everything. His dad was the best in many things, and he wanted to be

like his dad.

One day, putting his head on his mum’s bosom, smelling the scent

of her warmth, comfort and security, he told her about his aggressiveness.

He told her how he had hurt others. His mother listened to him and then

she said, “Let’s play a little game together. I will give you some nails and

a hammer and a part of the fence in the backyard.”

Although puzzled, the boy listened because he knew that everyone

in the village thought of his mother as a woman of wisdom.

“The rules are simple, son” she said. “Whenever you are angry,

upset, or have a fall-out with someone, instead of saying hurtful things

that you will regret, go and knock a nail in the fence and see how you

feel.”

“Every time you say something special and loving to someone,

remove a nail from the fence”.

The boy didn’t play the game for a week. He wasn’t sure that

it would work. In her infinite wisdom and love, his mother patiently

encouraged him to knock the first nail into the fence.

“the little boy replied: ‘the fence has so many

holes in it now.’ ‘ yes,’said his mother, ‘the holes

are the scars that we leave behind when we don’t

treat others with respect, love and compassion.’”

part 1


awakening my soul







87

GLORY BE to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit. As it was

in the beginning is now, and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.

These were the prayers I heard my mother pray, day after day, year in

and year out. As a child, I didn’t appreciate these prayers, I wanted to

get them over and done as quickly as possible. It has only been of late

that I realise the value, intensity, power and beauty of these prayers.

My mother was and still is our voice and image of faith, hope and

unconditional love. She taught us to be unselfish and left us with

a deep understanding that many of our miseries arise from self-

interest. Everything I remember of her, her dignity, her presence in her

absence, her values of courage, strength, care and compassion, live on

in my life.

She remained generous of spirit and nurtured us all until she let

out her last breath. My mother’s passing has made me more aware of

life and death. I am grateful that I was born to such a humble, serving

teacher.

I was thirty six years old when she died.

I dedicate my faith, wisdom and zest for life to my mother who

taught me that life is a show! She taught me to carry my big bust with

dignity, tuck my tummy in and walk tall despite my ‘X’ shaped legs.

Facing what seemed like my final days on this earth, I drew

strongly on the wisdom of my mother and how she had conducted

herself during her final days. I realised, when I reflected on

my mother’s passing, that with her example of courage and

determination to live fully and die gracefully, I had no reason to fear

death, knowing that our bodies are not monuments.

By far the greatest gift I received from my mother was the gift of

prayer. She remained constant in prayer and never missed her church

service on Sundays or any special days such as Good Friday and

Christmas. Sick or busy, in cold or wet weather, she never missed a

service. She stopped attending services during the last few weeks of

her life. When this happened, I knew she was nearing the end. Every

night, she would bid each and every one of us “Good night and God

Bless.”

When we were growing up, my mom’s prayers seemed like

rhetoric and paranoia. Today we know that it was her source of faith

and her way of finding answers and meaning in life.

She left with us the divine gift of prayer rooted in our Catholic

tradition. This gift and tradition were to carry me through the

difficult time I was to face in my own experience.

I BELIEVE IN GOD, the Father Almighty, Creator of Heaven and Earth.

And in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord, Who was conceived by the

Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate; was

crucified, died, and was buried. He descended into Hell. The third day He

rose again from the dead. He ascended into Heaven, and sits at the right

hand of God, the Father Almighty. He shall come again to judge the living

and the dead. I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy Catholic Church, the

communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body,

and life everlasting. Amen.

OUR FATHER, Who art in Heaven, Hallowed be Thy Name. Thy kingdom

come, Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day

our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who

trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from

evil. Amen.

HAIL MARY, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among

women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of

God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

“my mother was and still is our voice and image of

faith, hope and unconditional love.”

part 1


awakening my soul







the greatest reward of love is love itself 89

My father helped me to understand what love is all about. He

demonstrated his love for me by being the kind of father he was. He

was blessed to live fully for ninety four years. Today, I still draw on his

wonderful saying: “The greatest reward of love is love itself”.

“Love expands beyond the boundaries of the people in the

relationship,” he once told me and I carried that with me even though

I only understood it fully much later. “Love,” he continued, “is not a

feeling or a doing, it is awareness,” and I held this truth even closer as

I witnessed the outpouring of love by my family and friends as they

streamed in and out of the house after I was discharged from the

hospital. My father’s words resonated deeply as I saw more and more

gifts of love arriving at the doorstep to my heart.

What a beautiful gift from a loving, quiet, wise man I was

fortunate enough to call “Father.”

My first recollections of giving and receiving love were with my

grandmother, parents and siblings. Later the love of my husband,

chapter 8

the greatest reward of love is

love itself

“except for love, there is no greater gift one can

give to another.” william chisao chirwa

part 1


awakening my soul








My father was a man of vision, encouraging us to be the best

we could possibly be. He inspired us to step outside of our comfort

zones. When I completed my teaching diploma, he said: “This is just

the starting point, my child, do more.” When Pinky told him of her

intentions to become a vet, he simply said: “Africa needs doctors.”

Like my mother, my father did a lot to keep us together and to

create a sense of family. We did everything as a united family through

his guidance and influence.

My father was world-wise. He served in the Second World War

and shared stories of African leaders and African historical events

such as Uhuru, Aluta Continua and Ujama with us. He would tell us

stories about Nelson Mandela and encouraged us to be brave and

courageous as he was.

He was a proud African, with a freedom fighting spirit and clued

up on politics. He was very principled, to the point that he was

prepared to sacrifice his job to stand up for what he believed in. He

was a free thinker and an optimist about the continent.

At the time my father came to South Africa, Malawi was close

to achieving its independence, which he celebrated in South Africa.

He lived in South Africa for more than seven decades, much longer

than he had lived in Malawi, his home country. Yet he never forgot

his roots. He would fondly tell us about Malawi and the relationship

between the two countries and was loyal to both. He also spoke

Tonga, his home language, with absolute passion till the end.

The fool speaks, the wise man listens. – Ethiopian Proverb

children and extended family expanded my understanding of what

love is. Still later, the beautiful earth angels I encountered throughout

my healing journey drew my attention to yet other forms of love as I

walked the road to healing.

What you help a child to love can be more important than what you help

them to learn. – African Proverb

My father shared some powerful pearls of wisdom with us during

his lifetime. Amongst them was the power of silence. He had a gift

for listening very intently and in the process created a space of deep

silence in the course of the conversation. He also shared with us the

importance of being decisive and encouraged us with the words:

“Never get stuck, just decide and move on.”

By example, he taught us to prioritise. No matter how much we

wanted fashionable “Boot Joys”, he would not show any interest in

our wants but instead he prioritised purchasing our school stationery,

uniforms and books. We learnt very quickly from this experience to

focus on the important.

“my father was a man of vision, … a proud african,

with a freedom fighting spirit … a free thinker

and an optimist about the continent.”

Yvonne with three of her sisters

part 1


awakening my soul







93

“God had something to say so he sent an angel my way. A grandson to

love directly from heaven above.” – Unknown

My eldest son, Thokozane, was very dear and special to his

grandfather from the day he was born. My father was more like a

father than a grandfather to Thokozane.

One day Thokozane visited his grandfather wearing a pair of jeans

that showed off his physique. My father greeted him and quietly went

off to his bedroom and came back with a beautiful new suit from his

wardrobe. “Thokozane,” he said,” this is what lawyers should wear.”

The suit didn’t fit him because Thokozane was much taller than

his grandfather. My father, a little bit disappointed, told Thokozane

to collect him as early as possible the next day so that they could go

into Johannesburg to a special shop called “Light Bodies”. My father

always shopped there and now he was taking his grandson to the

same shop to buy him a suit that fitted him and made him look like a

lawyer.

With my father, it did not end at just the suit; their purchases

included a shirt, ties and cufflinks and matching shoes. Thokozane

still has that lovely outfit.

Those two loved each other so much and were always available for

each other.

During his last month alive, my father would ask where

Thokozane was from whoever was visiting him. When we asked

why he specifically asked for Thokozane when he had fifteen

My father, being the good listener that he was, listened very carefully

to our stories and would sometimes shock us when he pointed out

inconsistencies in the story when we retold them with different facts.

It was from him that I learnt the art of listening. Learning to

listen opened me up to being more reflective in my conversations

and aware that I could be wrong sometimes. It led me to the

understanding that I had to learn before I could teach. I came to

value this so much more when I became a teacher.

My father always reminded me that I needed to spend time in

silence, especially in times of turmoil. It was to the silence that I

turned when I was searching for peace after I had been discharged

from the hospital. My father’s wisdom made it easier for me to access

a place of silence in my mind and soul.

While the quietness of the inner spirit in a turbulent world may

be misconstrued as weakness, his view was that there was nothing

as strong as gentleness. Seeing inner peace and tranquillity as

compassion in the face of adversity and chaos was another gift I

came to cherish from him. I learnt that it takes a lot of courage to be

serene.

My father was known for using simple and direct words. For

example, when my mother told him that I would not be going to

university because I was pregnant, he said to me: “I love you very

much, my child, but finish your degree.” That’s all he said on the

matter.

When I was a newlywed, and still trying to understand what this

kind of life was all about, I would often complain to my father about

how difficult the adjustment was. He would smile at me and say: “So

why are you still there? You have a choice. If it’s not what you want,

then simply move along.”

This was a very different approach to that taken by my mother.

When sharing my complaints with her, she in turn would say: “Stop

it – don’t be negative. Have faith and focus.”

All these gifts from my father took me more than four decades to

understand, accept and apply to my life.

I am grateful for having had him as my father and mentor.

“while the quietness of the inner spirit in

a turbulent world may be misconstrued as

weakness, [my father’s] view was that there was

nothing as strong as gentleness.”

part 1


awakening my soul








We discovered that numerology is a language of numbers used to

describe a person and their characteristics. Each number has its own

vibratory influence on individuals. This influence is read from the

date of birth and the name of the person.

In numerology, the number twelve translates into three (1 + 2). The

number three symbolizes infinity, oneness, creation, preservation and

dissolution. The number three is represented by a spiral, indicating

no beginning and no end to life.

Thokozane related significant passages from Bible scripture

that he found when he searched for the meaning of 12.12.12 while

preparing to say farewell to his beloved grandfather.

“The number twelve is a prime example of spiritual significance used by

God to show us spiritual truth in its application.

grandchildren, he would laugh and say that Thokozane was the

youngest of the grandsons – when in fact he was the eldest grandson

– and that was why he needed to take extra care of him.

When my father passed away, Thokozane expressed that he had

not only lost a grandfather but also a friend, a confidante and a

mentor.

My father told me, his “Editor Daughter”, just before he died, that he

didn’t want long speeches at his funeral. He didn’t want a written

programme, or too much said about him either. His reason was that,

at the age of ninety four, most of his contemporaries had already

passed away and so he couldn’t see who would want to listen to the

stories about him at his funeral.

Thokozane and his cousin, Morwesi, were the only ones asked to

speak at the funeral and in this way, we honoured his wishes. As was

his life, so he wanted to be buried, without fuss or too many words.

It was while preparing for my father’s funeral that it came to my

attention that the number twelve featured quite significantly in his

life. He was born on the12.12.12 and died on 12.12.06. The number

twelve is also significant in my life. I was born on 12.02.1960.

Thokozane searched for the meaning of the number twelve when

he was preparing the eulogy so as to understand the significance of

this number in relation to my father’s life and death.

We had not paid attention to numerology before and keenly

looked around for information that would help us to make sense of it.

“it was while preparing for my father’s funeral

that it came to my attention that the number

twelve featured quite significantly in his life.”

Yvonne’s parentswith Yvonne andThokozane

part 1


awakening my soul







97

He was a man of style and simple sophistication who often

conducted his affairs and those of his family with meticulous love and

attention.

We will be forever grateful to our grandfather who instilled in us

the values of love for oneself and family, giving of oneself selflessly and

most importantly to be your brother’s keeper.

With the twelve Angels he can rest assured that the lessons learnt

and love given will not be lost.”

Thokozane’s tribute to his grandfather left us feeling that we had

indeed been blessed to have such a man as our father.

My father’s wise words about love and life still linger with me

today:

“Finding love is finding you, so it is not a choice but an imperative. We are

love, so look for love no further than within you so you are able to give and

receive love with ease.”

I am grateful that my father lived with us for all of ninety four years

and I am grateful, too, for his gift of helping me to understand love in

its true sense.

“Everything in the Universe is within you.

Ask all from yourself.” – Rumi

One example is the twelve brothers, the sons of Jacob, who

preceded the twelve tribes of Israel. These tribes were the Old Testament

congregation or children of God. These twelve children were not just a

coincidental number, but a number ordained by God.

The significance of the number twelve is carried on after the

crucifixion as the twelve disciples became the twelve apostles in the

New Testament. The apostles carried the responsibility of being God’s

messengers.

The same spiritual number is attached to God’s congregation on

either side of the crucifixion. The book of Revelations 21:21 sets this

significance out even more as it describes the kingdom of God: “… and

had a wall great and high and had twelve gates and at the gates twelve

angels and names written thereon, which are the names of the twelve

tribes of the children of Israel.”

Throughout the Bible, the number twelve brings out significant

messages from God about his loved and chosen ones. In Mark 5:42, Jesus

raises a damsel from the dead. “And straight away the damsel arose and

walked for she was of the age of twelve years and they were with great

astonishment.”

Thokozane wrote and read the following as a eulogy at his

grandfather’s funeral:

“Our grandfather was a hero to us, a guiding light who was forthright

and honest in dealing with others and especially us as his children.

He was a driven man with fierce resilience who endeavoured that

his children empower themselves with education and to never be in want.

He was a great believer in the preservation of family. Even in

his old age, his ice breaker for each of his visits was the all too familiar

“Banjani ekhaya?i” and he would engage you on the well-being of each

family member by name.

Some of you might remember him as a disciplinarian of note who

was headstrong, but this trait was counter-balanced by his often tongue-

in-cheek humour.

i How are they all at home?

“we are love, so look for love no further than

within you …”

part 1


awakening my soul







who am i? 99

I was born into a family of six girls and one boy in Kagiso, an

industrial township west of Johannesburg.

I spent my early childhood, up to the age of five, with my

grandmother in a place called Witbank east of Johannesburg.

One of my fondest memories of that time was watching while my

grandmother cooked papi for us every morning. After patiently

stirring the pap in the pot, she would dish it into a bowl, pour milk

over it and then set it down infront of me with so much love.

My grandmother was always in prayer. I remember listening to her

voice as she prayed. There were always many people she was praying

for at any one time.

As the time drew near for me to start school, my grandmother

very gently suggested that I go back home to be with my parents.

i maize porridge

chapter 9

who am i?

“all of us need to give all of the people around us

permission to be their true selves … you were born

to present your gifts to the world.”


part 1


awakening my soul







who am i? 101

My parents were an interesting looking couple. My mother was

fair skinned and my father was dark as a berry. This combination

gave life to an interesting breed of children who differed not only in

personality, interests, talents and characters but also by skin colour,

hair texture, height and weight. These physical features brought

an interesting dimension to our family and, at the same time,

attracted a lot of discrimination and gossip amongst some within

our community. My mother and a few of my sisters were sometimes

called “Boesman”iii (Bushman) and a few times my father was referred

to as amakwerekwereiv.

At the height of the apartheid era, we learned to have an attitude

of openness and acceptance of differences and to recognise that

we were all human beings, no matter what our experiences, values,

traditions, languages and cultures were.

iii South African derogatory term for people of mixed race

iv A xenophobic term for people who come to South Africa from other African

countries

Shortly after I went back home, she passed on. It seemed she had a

premonition that it was time for us to part at that point.

I was too young at the time to understand what had happened to

her and why I couldn’t be with her anymore. I felt abandoned by her

and I struggled to come to terms with why she had left me. It was

only after I did The Journey that I realised that she had never left me.

My parents visited me often while I was with my grandmother and

I sometimes felt that I was the link that kept us together.

While telling me about my childhood, my mother shared with me

how she had lost four beautiful children in their infancy. Three had

died before she gave birth to my eldest sister Nomsa, and one more

died before I was born. This is how we ended up being a family of

seven children.

She told me that it was because of her prayers that her fourth

child, Nomsaii, lived. She told me that she had learnt the importance

of prayer and of talking to God about her unborn children.

Subsequent to establishing her conversations with God, four of her

children survived. Every experience with prayer helped her to trust

and as she trusted, she witnessed the survival of another child.

When I was born, she considered my survival as God’s blessing

and answer to her prayers. This is how I came to be named Busisiwe –

Blessed.

ii Grace

Yvonne’s mother, Father and sister, Jabu. “My parents were an interesting looking couple. Mymother was fair skinned and myfather was dark as aberry.”

“when i was born, she considered my survival as

god’s blessing and answer to her prayers. this is

how i came to be named busisiwe – blessed.”

part 1


awakening my soul







who am i? 103

and embraced having six daughters and I am proud of living in a

country which has begun to embrace diversity in all its forms.

I have many fond recollections of my childhood spent in the kitchen

with my mother and siblings, bonding whilst we shared the tasks of

preparing a meal together. The love generated in that room could be

tasted in the food we later sat around the table to enjoy. My mother

encouraged us to eat healthy, fresh food, something I have carried

through with my children. Junk food and sweets were never part of

our diet.

A typical child, I looked forward to special days and the traditional

meals we would have on those occasions. After spending Good

Fridays praying at each Station of the Cross in church, we would

go home to delicious pickled fish, mashed potatoes and rice. As we

walked from one station to the next, my mind would skip ahead

to the pickled fish, remembering the smells that wafted from the

kitchen the night before whilst my mother prepared the meal before

going to bed. The rising and falling of the choir’s voices always

brought me back into the moment.

Christmas at our house was exciting and my highlights were

opening gifts, wearing new clothes and the laughter and conversation

over a table laden with my mother’s cooking and being surrounded

by loved ones.

I attended Catholic boarding school for most of my schooling

years. My parents made sure that while I was away from home I

It is through the combination of all these factors that this

dynamic and vibrant family learnt the value of true acceptance.

My parents impressed on me on countless occasions that I was a

soul and that I was not bound by race, colour, creed or gender. This

idea formed the basis of my interaction with others and as the years

passed, I came to hold this value more closely as we moved away

from our apartheid past and worked our way towards an open and

equitable society.

My mother reminded us constantly of the principle of accepting

what you cannot change, a value which cannot be traded on the

stock exchange. It became part of my pact with life that has helped

me to be content with who I am and has brought me into a state

of peace. I have realised that I have a responsibility to continue the

lessons received from my parents and I am grateful for this beautiful

heritage.

I am grateful and proud of the beautiful, diverse blood that flows

in my veins. I am proud to have been a daughter to a man who loved

Yvonne’s maternal grandfather, Peter Bracks

“i am grateful and proud of the beautiful , diverse

blood that flows in my veins. … i am proud of

living in a country which has begun to embrace

diversit y in all its forms.”

part 1


awakening my soul







105

didn’t ever think of herself as beautiful in that way. In her modesty,

she discouraged people from referring to her beauty and so we never

spoke of nor commented on her physical beauty.

A happy man marries the girl he loves, but a happier man loves the girl

he marries. – African proverb

My mother was from Swaziland and classified as “Coloured”v

according to the South African Population Registration Act of 1949.

My father was a professional ballroom dancer and my mother a

staunch Catholic who spent much of her time at church, praying for

people in need, visiting the sick and looking after adopted children.

She didn’t have the time to dance with my father.

It was very clear that my parents accepted each other and their

divergent interests. She accepted that he didn’t attend church or was

not inclined to giving a sick person a bath. He accepted that she was

not a dancer.

My parents were blessed to have been married for 60 years.

Despite the size of our immediate family, our house was always filled

with our cousins and children from the neighbourhood whom my

parents treated as their own. Whilst only seven children survived,

there were always more than ten children living in our house at any

given time. When my mom died, she still had children in her care, a

sign of her love for children.

Being raised in this kind of environment taught me to share

my blankets, food, clothing, home, parents, and love generously.

This generosity of spirit I now know was the reason our family was

blessed with abundance and why we never went without anything we

needed.

Where there are many, nothing goes wrong. – Swahili Proverb

v The definition of “Coloured” referred to people of mixed descent

always had everything I needed, which gave me a sense of confidence

and a clear understanding that they meant for me to succeed.

We would all come home at mid-year and year-end. The first day

home was always a day of great excitement in the Chirwa home.

Our parents made sure that we had all the special treats we enjoyed

waiting for us and we savoured the attention and excitement of being

home and the joys of reunion.

My parents were truly present in all aspects of our lives;

something that I struggled to do with my own children. Our home

was a warm one where everyone was welcome. Even though, I am

sure, it was difficult raising seven children with the limited resources

my parents had, we did not lack love and comfort, scrumptious food,

love, laughter, music, and dancing. My sister and I used to laugh so

much, we drove our mother mad!

I regard myself as a gift of love from grandparents and parents

who cared for me twenty four hours a day, for seven days of the week.

With them I felt safe and loved and always surrounded with so much

laughter.

My father was a visionary who was meticulous and always strived

for the best in everything he did. His vision, insightfulness and

wisdom led him on a dangerous and formidable journey from Malawi

to South Africa in his quest to fulfil his vision for a better life. Here he

became a migrant labourer at a very early age.

He later met and fell in love with my mother, whom he proudly

described as an irresistible, remarkable and beautiful woman. At

her funeral, everyone commented on how beautiful she was, yet she

“i regard myself as a gift of love from

grandparents and parents who cared for me …

i felt safe and loved and always surrounded with

so much l aughter.”

part 1


awakening my soul







who am i? 107

five of seven siblings placed me in the midst of the diverse and strong

personalities of my siblings. Being somewhere in the middle, I had to

learn to contend with my older siblings and at the same time, nurture

the ones who came after me.

In the Chirwa family we dealt with issues of diversity of age,

gender and other differences before we even knew how to pronounce

the word. Being a girl in the Chirwa family meant that you were part

of a majority, as the women outnumbered the men. We learnt how

to be sensitive to my only brother and to play down the dominance

we enjoyed as the females. I am grateful for the awesome privilege

of sharing my life with a humble soul like my brother, who is

understanding, loving, and easy-going. He never judges or criticises

us and celebrates our family, just as we are.

In an interesting twist, I am now the one woman outnumbered

in my home by four men. I am living my brother’s experience as the

“only other” in our family.

He/she who thinks they are leading and has no one following them is only

taking a walk. – Malawi

Whenever one of us moaned and groaned to my mother about

another sibling’s irritating habits, she would tell them, in your

presence, what you had gossiped to her about. She encouraged us

to find common ground and clear the air. Just imagine this scenario:

you are expecting your mother to side with you and to support

you in your view, but instead, she plays Truth and Reconciliation

Commission and arbitrates between two views to arrive at some

consensus. These initial difficult lessons proved to be blessings in

disguise. I quickly learnt not to judge or try to recreate souls into

my clone. Instead, I began to see that being different and coming up

against challenges was a chance to learn to understand, “the other.”

My mother’s philosophy was, “fight with dignity, ensuring that at

the end of the fight, both people can walk away with their dignity and

integrity intact”. Her idea was not to instil pain and to destroy but to

build and teach.

I am privileged that this philosophy was firmly planted in my

head at an early age by a mother who practised what she preached.

She would invite me for tea or dessert after having scolded me to

illustrate that she was fighting an issue and not her daughter.

I still hear her sweet voice: “I hate what you have done; you are my

child and I love you dearly. That will never change. However, I will not

condone misconduct in the name of love.” I am grateful for this life

lesson.

Instead of trying to change my sisters and brother, I learnt

to celebrate their diverse natures and characteristics and the

magnificence we enjoyed as this wonderfully mixed bunch of people

called the Chirwa family.

There was definitely no shortage of lessons in tolerance in our

family and my threshold was tested to the maximum. Being number

“i just always knew my destiny was to learn and

teach, and i recognised this as my life’s calling.”

Yvonne doing practical teaching in London in 1993

part 1


awakening my soul







109

I discovered that even while I was living my passion every day

in my professional life, during my years of being a workaholic I had

somehow lost the practice of asking myself these questions. I had

gone off-track.

After the stroke, I went back to regular reflection and found

myself on the way back to realising my purpose in a more meaningful

way.

My parents put a lot of emphasis on education even though they

had just basic formal education themselves.

My father was a personnel officer in the mines for many years and

my mother worked for twenty five years in a tobacco factory, where

she sustained a kidney injury which ultimately led to cancer, which

was the cause of her death.

Before she went to work, my mother would wake us up with a kiss

and a warm hug before she left for work at 4 o’clock each morning.

She would only be back after six in the evening. This was her routine,

Mondays to Fridays. She taught us never to leave your family without

saying goodbye, no matter what time it was.

Her morning prayer was the same each day:

“I know that I will die,

I do not know where, how and when,

but all I ask you, my God, is to be with me and keep me aware.”

My mother left us in the safe hands of Ma Thwala, Ma Mapulane,

Ma Mphahlwa and Ma Nkuna, who cared for us whilst my mother

was working those long hours. I remain grateful to these women who

became our mothers and who kept us safe.

But there were others who cared for us while our parents were

away at work. Baba Thwala, our next door neighbour, was his

“brother’s keeper” and he took it upon himself to look after us. When

any boy would visit he would interrogate him as if he were our

father. Being a family of girls, everyone soon learnt that Baba was an

invincible force and that you could not easily get past him if you were

interested in any of the Chirwa girls.

Often the visitor was a classmate who came to do homework or

borrow a textbook. Baba Thwala would insist, “These girls are not

I recognised my calling at an early age and understood the power

of knowledge and wisdom. There was never confusion as to what I

would do. I just always knew my destiny was to learn and teach, and I

recognised this as my life’s calling.

My favourite game as a young girl was role playing “teacher” with

my siblings and friends.

After school, I studied and became a teacher. Later, I moved to

educational publishing and, much later, educational broadcasting. As

my professional role changed in the SABC, so did my perception of

the purpose of teaching. As the dimensions of my role in my job and

my perspective on my purpose began to stretch both deep and wide, I

realised that my role was beyond the classroom and a curriculum.

I try the best I can, despite all the challenges, to live out my life’s

purpose in everything I do. Whether I am having a conversation with

my husband or disagreeing with my boys or anyone else, or applying

myself to different situations that I feel God requires me to touch, I

see my purpose as a teacher being fulfilled.

My purpose is supported through my mother’s wise advice. She

said: “Ask yourself this question before you go to bed each night:

In whatever I did today, in whatever conversation I had today, have

I contributed to the development of my fellow human beings? Have I

managed to touch anyone today? If not, what stopped me?”

Although I had embraced this practice during my years

of teaching, it somehow slipped through the cracks as my

responsibilities increased.

“i realised that my role was beyond the cl assroom

and a curriculum.”

part 1


awakening my soul







who am i? 111

For our annual picnic, the nuns would ask us: “Ice cream or boys

for the picnic?” In a chorus we would shout: “Ice cream!” Out of

revenge the boys, when they found out that we were depriving them

of having a picnic with girls, would shower us with vegetables during

the film screening.

School, however, provided us with a solid foundation for life,

grounded us and provided us with life skills that helped us to

navigate our lives.

My life as a Catholic followed the norms and traditions of what

was expected. I was baptised at birth, attended Catholic schools from

Grade 1, took confirmation classes, and was confirmed at the age

of eighteen. I have a fond memory of walking to Mass with over one

hundred girls at 6 a.m. in complete silence and bliss!

Although I completed high school with good grades which

provided me with a wide choice of careers, I chose to teach. I enjoyed

teaching complex concepts and challenged my students to apply

their minds.

As a young teacher, barely older than some of the students in

my class, I tried to make learning fun. I used games to teach, and

encouraged students to find their own genius.

teachers and this home is not a library! “He was an incredible father

figure, yet he never told our parents about the afternoon activities at

our home.

I was focused on my school work and passing every grade was a

breeze. I enjoyed the arts, debating, drama, being a drum majorette

and dancing. I was never an athlete, but I participated in physical

exercise. I was a diligent student and a prefect in senior high. I

enjoyed being a leader and took this responsibility very seriously.

During the time I was at school, I had friends who were very

different from me, but I stayed true to myself and never forgot who I

was.

We were fed starchy foods at boarding school and as a result,

many of us put on weight. We were regularly sent for pregnancy tests

to ensure that it was, in fact, weight we were gaining. This practice

broke our faith and trust and belief in the school and what it stood

for. It taught us to do things to please others and we soon became

resentful of the practices imposed on us.

I had a curious mind and a good sense of humour and was

too outspoken for my own good at times. I remember making my

teachers very uncomfortable by asking probing questions about how

Jesus could have been raised from the dead and how it was possible

that he ascended to heaven.

Catholic school had its lighter moments. In order to get the

obligatory confessions out of the way, a group of us would repeatedly

make the same confessions week after week and every time we went.

Eventually, Father worked out what we were up to and would utter

the words “Your sins are forgiven,” just as soon as we entered the

confessional box.

“i had a curious mind and a good sense of humour

and was too outspoken for my own good at times.”

Marianhill Monastery, Pinetown, where Yvonne attendedboarding school.

Ro

ge

r d

e l

a H

arp

e /

Afr

ica

Im

ag

ery

/ A

fric

a M

ed

ia O

nli

ne

part 1


awakening my soul







who am i? 113

My father had a huge role in influencing and shaping my ideas

about education. He shared his views on what should be taught in

schools with me. Having been educated in Malawi; he had come

through schooling which was far more liberating and enriching.

After grappling with these issues over many years in my teaching

career, I left to take up a position in educational publishing. I felt the

need to work on a much bigger canvas and worked for Macmillan

South Africa. But my canvas was to be expanded even wider when

I was invited to join the SABC’s educational programming business

unit.

There are so many lessons I still carry today, learnt from my parents.

Lessons such as: “count your blessings;” “you are here to learn from

others as well as to teach others;” “start the day knowing that not

everything you do will be the right thing to do, because this enables

you to stop, take stock, refocus and correct mistakes.”

My parents encouraged me to believe and place my trust in God.

They taught me to ask God for everything that I needed, for God

answered every prayer if it was sincere and if we truly believed in

Source.

What a beautiful inheritance from Sesana and Chisao, my beloved

parents.

“I count my blessings daily … The more I am grateful, the more I have to

be grateful for.” – Dr John Demartini

A number of mentors in the field of education inspired me to

take a Bachelor’s degree, followed by a BA Hons at the University of

Witwatersrand, which was an exciting place to be at the time. I was

so enthusiastic that I completed a two-year BEd course in one year.

In retrospect, I realise that I had started my search for meaning

and purpose during this time. I lost myself in studies, driving myself

to find and complete more and more degrees. This is how I ended up

in London doing yet another course and, in the process, abandoning

my youngest, Katlego, while I was still breastfeeding him. This

separation affected our relationship at a deep level.

As the years progressed, I seemed to have more and more

difficulty in teaching what was laid out in the inferior curriculum

that was set out by the Department of Education at the time. I didn’t

believe in what I was supposed to be teaching those young minds.

I subsequently became an active member of the teacher’s union

NEUSA (National Educators Union of South Africa), which later

became the South African Teacher’s Union of South Africa and played

an active role in rebelling against Bantu Education.

Yvonne as a young teacher

“start the day knowing that not everything you

do will be the right thing to do, because this

enables you to stop, take stock, refocus and

correct mistakes.”

part 1


awakening my soul







meant to be 115

These words are indicative of my relationship with my husband,

Peter Kgame.

I was touched by the love, compassion, care and his extraordinary

presence when I needed him most. What a fantastic friend and soul

mate to share this life with. But make no mistake; he is firm, frank,

fair and fun-loving, and very set in his ways.

He married me because he loved me, of this I am sure. When he

proposed he made it clear that he only wanted to get married once

chapter 10

meant to be

“it was the best of times, … it was the age of

wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the

epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulit y,

it was the season of light, it was the season of

darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was

the winter of despair, we had everything

before us …” charles dickens

part 1


awakening my soul







meant to be 117

His tolerance with my interpretation of reaching out and serving is

evident in the way he deals with my project – teaching and mentoring

domestic workers in our neighbourhood. I can see how it drives him

mad when there is a constant flow of ladies in and out of the house

on different days for different reasons. One day he turned to me and

asked: “Babes, how many helpers do we really have?”

Peter is a deep, alert and sensitive man who is wise and a good

listener. I have a very volatile temper and explode from time to time.

Peter has the kind of patience that allows me the space to explode, to

“get it off my chest”. When I have calmed down, he voices his opinion

and we are able to clear the air.

From the first day I knew that he was a good man, but only

truly realised his greatness, availability, hope, care, compassion and

strength when we faced those dark days of my stroke.

In the thirty years that we have been together, I have come to

know him as a humble man, with a big, open and caring heart. He

feels deeply, is a good provider and no matter what, has stayed the

distance. He is a flexible man to the point that he accepts me just

as I am. During my entire journey to grace, he has stayed alongside

and asked me to consider his proposal carefully and to be absolutely

sure that I wanted to marry him. Although his marriage proposal was

in line with our Catholic upbringing, I was surprised by this modern

man holding such a fundamental, seemingly old-fashioned principle

so dear.

Peter and I have many things in common. We have both been

raised by staunch Catholic parents and attended Catholic schools. We

love holidaying by the seaside. It is as if both our souls are connected

to the sea. We both love staying home, cooking good food and being

in the company of our friends and family. But Peter and I are also

very different. Enjoying music is one of my passions. I love all types of

music and play it very loudly for hours on end, which drives Peter to

distraction.

Peter has a witty sense of humour which I enjoy and find

appealing. Peter is an avid reader. He has a passion for reaching

out and serving people but we have very different views on what

this actually means. He thinks that the way I do “reaching out and

serving” is a little bit crazy; nevertheless, he smilingly tolerates me

doing it my way, even though I sometimes notice the smile turning

into a fearful grimace.

Peter has been a pillar of strength to his family. He maintains

the bonds of love and security with his brother Phologo and sister

Mamiki and their children.

He is a compassionate man. This is evident in his commitment

to attending funerals of old friends, family members, both close and

distant. He provides support to those bereaved with much love, pays

tribute to the departed souls and does not make a fuss when I can’t

do so as often as he does.

“peter has been a pill ar of strength to his family.

he maintains the bonds of love and securit y with

his brother phologo and sister mamiki.”

Peter’s parents withhis sister Mamiki andbrother Phologo

part 1


awakening my soul







meant to be 119

Painful thought it was, I came to accept and embrace this as a gift

which I valued as part of my growth. My mother-in-law was firm in

ensuring that I understood that I was the one that needed to fit in

with her family, and not the other way around.

My mother-in-law never allowed me to change them, and now

that I have a daughter-in-law I understand the principle of entering a

new family and what that means.

My father-in-law was more than a father-in-law to me, he was

a soul mate. He embraced me as his own daughter, supported and

complimented me on many things I did and on my achievements.

When I was in hospital, his prayer was, “God please, leave my

beautiful daughter and take me.” This prayer touched me deeply and ”

created an even greater bond between us. As I pondered over this

prayer, I wondered how many fathers would surrender their lives for

a daughter that was not even their biological child. His words were

often the ones that reached into my soul, and helped me to hang on

whenever I was in pain and considering giving up and letting go.

Steve Kgame died in June 2008, exactly one year after my trauma.

It might be that God gave me more days to live, and to him the rest

he had asked for. We will never know.

I give grace and gratitude to my parents-in-law, who accepted me

as their daughter and loved me with deep conviction.

Peter and I share a spiritual connection and we both have the

mission of serving others. We execute our understanding of serving

differently, and support each other every inch of the way as we claim

the beautiful gift of grace that has become so embedded in our lives.

me, and taken every step with me through the known and unknown,

allowing us to reach a higher point in our relationship.

My parents did their best for each of us as we got to the stage of

marriage. They guided, supported and showed so much love as we

chose our life partners. They prayed that each of their children would

keep their vows made in marriage, especially the vow, “until death do

us part.”

When I married Peter, the lessons I learnt from my mother’s

example of compassion and unconditional love were my guiding

lights that steered me into embracing my new parents, Macho

Kgame, the teacher, and Steve Kgame, the journalist. With love, I

embraced them for who they were.

I loved my mother-in-law for consistently speaking her truth. She

loved me dearly and made me feel close to her through her constant

compliments. But there were times that her honesty touched my

vulnerabilities and brought me to tears. She was very clear that, as a

newcomer to the family, I was to weave myself into what existed as

the Kgame family. I learnt that I could not change her son and that I

needed to humble myself and integrate into my new family.

“his words were often the ones that reached into

my soul , and helped me to hang on whenever i was

in pain and considering giving up and letting go.”

Peter as a babywith his father, Steve Kgame

part 1


awakening my soul







meant to be 121

being busy with our busyness. My love for him was rekindled in a

new way and I was secretly thrilled and excited and humbled to hear

him sharing his feelings for me in the documentary of my journey,

Strokes of Grace, during the broadcast in October, 2008.

What a divine gift from my Creator to have someone who is not

just a husband but a true soul mate, and who complements me in

amazing ways. What I lack he has and where I lack, he is strong.

We have a good partnership. He brings the genius, strength, power,

courage, understanding and perseverance to love me regardless.

These are words I wrote to Peter, in a birthday card on 30th

September, 2006, just a few months before the stroke:

I’ve needed you and found your arms around me,

Laughed with you and seen clouds disappear,

Leaned on you and felt your strength surround me,

Shared rough times with you and felt no fear;

Believed in you and seen my trust rewarded,

He understands my desire and need to be following this path and I

understand his.

Peter understood my desire to continue learning after we were

married. He was particularly supportive of me while I was completing

my honours degree in education.

Peter adores his sons and pays a lot of attention to what they are

doing.

He ensured that Katlego, who was just a year old when I studied

overseas, was cared for. He ensured that the boys had everything they

needed during the times I worked late, travelled extensively, attended

courses and wrote examinations.

He has instilled in our boys a culture of writing plans and

strategies for their lives, and of reflecting on them and writing reports

on how they were doing. He instilled consciousness and discipline in

a way that helped the boys to obtain their MBA in the school of life.

Peter realised that I loved learning and he supported me in

following this passion. It was only when I approached my fifth degree

that he gently asked: “How much longer? How many more courses?”

I prioritised my own education and, as a result, put the needs of

my children second. As I reflected on this period in my life I realised

the repercussions of doing so with regret.

Like many couples, after a few years of marriage, we had stopped

sharing our feelings with one another, getting into the rut of life and

“what a divine gift from my creator to have

someone who is not just a husband but a true soul

mate, and who complements me in amazing ways.

what i l ack he has and where i l ack, he is strong.

we have a good partnership.”

Peter and Yvonne Kgame

part 1


awakening my soul







123

“Marriage is the union of two divinities … It is the union of two souls in

a strong love for the abolishment of separateness. It is the higher unity

which fuses the separate unities within the two spirits. It is the golden

ring in a chain whose beginning is a glance, and whose ending is Eternity.

– Kahlil Gibran

My life with Peter so far has been one of beauty and grace. I

look forward to the many more years to come. It has been a well

orchestrated symphony.

What more is there to say?

Dreamed with you and seen my dreams come true,

Loved you and seen every day grow sweeter.

Each day I found more happiness with you.

Because of all the thoughts and feelings that only we can share, because

of all that you alone bring to my world, I know that we have the kind of

love that really is unique … and I know the most important person in my

life is you.

I ended off by saying, “Please read this – I mean it.”

Peter and I are the proud parents of three calm, loving, easy-going

and unique boys. I am a wife to a supportive and loving husband who

I am blessed to have as a life partner and share a beautiful journey

with.

As I slowly moved from the day of my stroke to the possibility

of my healing, I felt the support of the four men in my life, guiding,

protecting, serving, loving and sometimes carrying me. Looking back

now, I think that they have taken over the role of those angels who

surrounded my car on the N1 highway that almost fateful evening.

Our family is completed by Nomvuyo Jula, our helper. She is our

strength and courage, mother and father to our children for the

past nineteen years. She is diligent and dedicated and has taught us

humility and unconditional love. Despite my exaggerated cleanliness

and strange preferences she has stayed with us for such a long time

and has demonstrated incredible commitment to our family.

“My life with Peter so far has been one of beauty and grace. I look forward to themany more years to come. It has been a well orchestrated symphony.”

Joh

n I

ng

lis

sacred encounters

“at times our own light goes out and

is rekindled by a spark from another

person. each of us has cause to think

with deep gratitude of those who have

lighted the flame within us.”

albert schweitzer

part 3

Mik

e J

oh

ns

on

part 1

sacred encounters

awakening my soul







you are more than what you have become 127

Our parents are always our first teachers but we are not complete

until we have others who guide us. Reflecting on the journey of my

soul in search of love, peace and grace has been long and at times

arduous. But nothing can compare to the rich, rewarding encounters

that opened my consciousness to Divine Love. I travelled this long

road in the company of earth angels, encountering their unique gifts

of healing. These Great Souls brought me into the light and birthed

me into the place of divine grace. We are never alone …

The following chapters tell the story of the earth angels who

guided me towards healing.

Although my whole life could be considered as one continuous

journey toward grace, August 2004 was a milestone of note. It was to

be the first of many sacred encounters that would bring me closer to

my purpose and truth.

chapter 11

you are more than what you have

become

“what do you want in life? who are you

authentically? are you manifesting your

vision?” baruch banai

Ro

be

rt I

ng

lis

part 1

128 sacred encounters

awakening my soul







you are more than what you have become 129

During the Joy Spring part of the course, I was inspired when asked

to role-play Miriam Makeba, a well known South African diva, known

also as Mama Afrika and the Empress of African Song. In 1963 she had

testified about apartheid before the United Nations and as a result

the South African government had revoked her citizenship and right

of return. Finally, in the late 1980s, she returned to her homeland as a

free South African.

This role-play made me realise that, like Miriam Makeba, I too had

the responsibility of telling the African story. This was the beginning

of the process of clarifying my purpose.

I felt a sense of personal loss when Miriam passed away on 10th

November 2008, because I had been drawn to Miriam since I was a

teenager. I was captivated by her voice, especially in Pata Pata, a world

renowned song enjoyed globally. It was during the workshop that I

began to understand why I appreciated her music so much.

I met Dr Baruch Banai through a soul-mate; Chantal Sturkenboom,

who introduced his work to my leaders at the SABC. The Insight

Training Centre offers personal transformation programmes, aimed

at guiding people from all walks of life to discover their authentic

selves and their unique purpose in life.

Dr. Banai’s personal vision is to work towards elevating the level

of human consciousness, “in order to make our world conducive for

children to be born into.”

For some reason (which I now know was divine guidance) my

leaders encouraged me to attend these courses, which I whole-

heartedly embraced without fear or doubt.

I completed the three courses offered by the Centre of Light:

Turning Point, Joy Spring, and The Mile with zest and zeal which

undoubtedly changed my life and the way I came to think about

myself. The courses gave me the rare opportunity to perceive and

examine my attitude to my life, and assisted me with defining who

I really am. I am one of thousands who have been touched directly

through this work and, since completing this unique experience, I am

more aware of who I am. I was so inspired and I radiated the light,

encouraging many friends and colleagues to attend these courses.

They were all willing to receive this gift.

Three years later when I was in the ICU I realised how blessed I

was to have worked with people who were interested not only in my

professional performance, but in my wellbeing, and connected with

me at a deeper level than just an employee/employer relationship.

“this role-pl ay made me realise that, like miriam

makeba, i too had the responsibilit y of telling

the african story. this was the beginning of the

process of clarif ying my purpose.”

Above: Dr BaruchBanai

Left: “I felt a sense of personal loss when Miriam passed away ... because I had been drawn to Miriam since I was ateenager.”

Ro

be

rt I

ng

lis

part 1


awakening my soul







131

1. You are neglecting your family – you don’t care.

2. You have no emotion – you are dead.

3. You are fat and you eat junk food.

4. You hurt your husband and children – you don’t care, yet you try

to do good for the world.

This realisation, although shocking, was indeed a moment of

grace. Those truths opened my eyes to wanting to be a better mother,

wife and a healthy person. I accepted the fact that I was not available

to myself, let alone my husband and my sons. Yet I was so committed

to doing public service. What a contradiction!

In my arrogance I believed that in my professional work no one

could do things in the manner that I wanted them done, so I pushed

myself harder and harder to do everything myself.

It is my prayer and heartfelt wish, that mothers take the time

to reflect on their situation so that they can make it better for

themselves, their children and families and not wait for a traumatic

event to shake them into action.

The Mile experience helped me to define “success” for my life.

A few months later I did the last part of the series, The Mile. One of

the lessons for me on The Mile was the power of intention and what

happens when you document the intention with honesty and trust.

The Mile programme required me to run one mile every morning

for six days. I remember that on every morning of the course, I would

collapse at the end of running. Lerato Moruti, a soul daughter and

colleague at the SABC, would always be at the end to support me

as I finished. She did so in complete silence, which added to the

profoundness of presence in those moments.

Little did I know that I was carrying with me, as I ran on each of

those mornings, the massive tumour in my head. When the doctors

looked back at my 2002 MRI scan, they discovered that the tumour

had already grown quite substantially. I am still amazed at how I was

able to run as I did in this condition.

During The Mile, I wrote down four things that I felt were my

truths. Looking back at them now, I regard them as shocking

discoveries about my life.

Mik

e J

oh

ns

on

“The courses gave methe rare opportunity to perceive andexamine my attitudeto my life, and assisted me with defining whoI really am.”

“it is my prayer and heartfelt wish, that mothers

take the time to reflect on their situation so

that they can make it better for themselves, their

children and families and not wait for a traumatic

event to shake them into action.”

part 1


awakening my soul







133

that this was going to be easy. Little did I know that it would feel like

being struck by lightning every time I worked to achieve any of these.

The letters were posted by Dr Banai after we had completed the

course, and arrived months later.

Hi Superstar,

By this time you probably have made so many alterations to your clothes!

Tell me that diabetes is history. I want to commend you for your courage

and power to ditch security to follow your dream. You are my hero. Keep

the Good Work up.

Let others learn from you and sing Halleluja. I love you! You are the best,

most powerful person I have ever met. Enjoy your good health.

Ha! Sure you miss comfort food!

After completing The Mile, Baruch gave each of us a letter in which he

acknowledged the wonderful journey we had taken together over the

period of the three courses. In his letter he encouraged us to keep the

I identify success for my life as:

To build a state-of-the-art, powerful, vibrant, healthy, free, fun haven

of creativity that:

• promotes unity

• celebrates diversity

• harnesses innovation

• upholds human rights

• creates peace and justice

• encourages collective effort

• engenders hope and resilience

• embraces individual expression

• engenders confident pioneers of love who are committed to

weaving a dream together

• shapes individuals, families, communities and nations to

emerge as dignified, respectful and trustworthy ambassadors

of wisdom

• encourages avid readers of note who are intellectually

developed, physically fit, spiritually conscious, emotionally

balanced and aesthetically astute.

My emotions flowed freely as I wrote these words. It felt as if a

floodgate had been opened.

At the end of The Mile, we wrote letters to ourselves as a reminder

of the commitments we had made going forward. The letter I wrote

contained three of the main desires I recognised during that week:

to be healthy, to lose weight and to learn to love myself. I thought

“The Mile experience helped me to … build a haven of creativity.”

“i want to commend you for your courage and

power to ditch securit y to follow your dream”

Ro

be

rt I

ng

lis

part 1


awakening my soul







135

Baruch spent the whole day with my family and me on 14th June

2009. His visit took place exactly two years after my stroke. What a

beautiful day of blessings that was! The day and his visit brought

back vivid memories of what had happened two years before and

I will always remember his teachings: unity of purpose, boundless

possibility, collective energy, seizing personal power and believing

that hope lives in souls.

promises made to ourselves. This letter did not touch me more deeply

then than it does today, long after it was written.

My personal encounter with Dr Banai and my experience of

personal transformation brought me to the realisation that teaching

is not just a profession for me, but the reason I am who I am and the

reason I am on this planet.

I finally came to understand my life purpose.

I am grateful to Bernadette and Eckhard who attended the course

with me.

I am grateful for the awesome life-changing experience made

available to me by Dr Banai, Maria (his insightful wife), Royee (his

son, a visionary and awakened soul), and Ephrat (his daughter, a very

powerful soul).

“… my experience of personal transformation

brought me to the realisation that teaching is not

just a profession for me, but the reason i am who

i am and the reason i am on this pl anet.”

“One of the lessonsfor me on The Milewas the power of intention and whathappens when you document the intention with honesty and trust.”

Mik

e J

oh

ns

on

part 1

sacred encounters

awakening my soul







the mystic messenger 137

In December 2008 Tanasa, a soul sister, introduced me to the

Ancient Health Care Therapy Centre. What an amazing experience

it was to meet “our divine gift Shamsa” who could “see” health needs

without touching. This was yet another gift from my angel friend that

gave me the strength and physical fitness to keep on. This gift was to

lead to an encounter with a mystic messenger.

After one of my therapy sessions at The Ancient Health Care

Centre, as I was leaving, I was stopped by a fifty-two-year-old man,

“Amin,” whom I had never met before. I was curious as to the

meaning of his name, which he explained as “Truthful” or “Honesty.”

He didn’t seem interested in my name, where I was from and why

I was there. But when he started to speak, I felt as though he already

knew who I was and what I needed to hear. It felt such a strange

encounter!

His first question to me was: “Does this therapy help you?”

We spoke on the pavement for an hour during which time he

shared life lessons with me. He spoke as though he was reading from

a book.

Here are the key things I took from him:

chapter 12

the mystic messenger

“matters of the heart are more important than

anything else.”

Ru

by

Gil

l

part 1


awakening my soul







139

11. Nourish your body, mind and soul so that you lead a balanced

life. No medicine can heal your soul.

12. Drink lots of water, more than one litre a day.

13. Exercise daily. Do whatever works for you such as walking. I

recommend swimming as it oxygenates your whole body.

14. Eat healthy food; balance your diet, because what you enjoy

eating is not necessarily healthy for you. Eat according to your

blood group and observe the foods that go well with you.

15. Matters of the heart are more important than anything else.

Then he wanted to know my name and what I did. When I told him

about my new Innovation Project at the SABC, to drive the broadcast

of images and voices of hope in Africa, his response was “Ah, you are

doing the right thing.”

I thanked him and told him that I had taken note of what he had

shared with me.

He responded with: “All the best. May God bless you. Take one step

at a time; practise little by little as it is more important than trying to

do too much.” I really needed to hear this over and over again, as this

is my Achilles heel.

We parted and have never crossed paths again.

This was an encounter that left an impression on me and I tried

to imbibe it with love and deep understanding – this simple yet

profound conversation with a complete stranger.

1. You should try to do a blood test to check the level of your

blood platelets, as they are the ones that form clots in your

blood and can result in a stroke.

2. Lead a balanced life; too much of a good thing is bad for you,

including the therapy that you have just attended. (I killed

myself laughing at this observation as I knew that I had an

issue with overdoing things.)

3. Free yourself from stress. Stress is very dangerous and causes

many diseases.

4. Lead a simple life. Don’t be driven by material things and the

beliefs of others about what you should be doing. Listen to

your heart. It says you are all Wisdom and Knowledge.

5. You are your own doctor; listen to what your body says. “The

most qualified doctors can be very stupid too,” he said with a

laugh. It was as if he knew what had happened to me.

6. Inner peace is the beginning of acceptance and the end of

your worldly stresses. But only you can find it for yourself. No

church, no doctor, nor any teacher can give it to you.

7. Start your day by expressing gratitude to your Creator – not

only for what has been done for you, but for what is. Your

breath and every little gift of life needs to be given thanks for

at every minute.

8. Don’t take revenge when people treat you badly. Forgive and

move on.

9. Don’t judge people. Look for the good in them, even the drunk

man has wisdom to share.

10. Don’t rely too much on medication and the doctor’s diagnosis.

It may not be accurate or suitable for your body.

“inner peace is the beginning of acceptance and

the end of your worldly stresses.”

part 1

sacred encounters

awakening my soul







the magnificence of spirit 141

In 2006 I was referred by Tanasa to Peter Attwood who taught me

the power of Sound Therapy. I found him to be an extraordinary and

gentle earth angel. I enjoyed every deep sacred moment with him

during the course of the therapy.

Through this encounter, I discovered that sound can be used as

a tool to create marked and measurable physical, emotional and

spiritual transformation in ourselves.

Extreme states of distress and imbalance caused by emotional

traumas, stressful thought patterns and existential crises can be

alleviated through the power of sound, restoring a balance in the

energy network of our bodies.

With Peter, I experienced a range of particularly uplifting and

soothing sounds, which felt like a cellular massage. It “tuned up” my

body, mind and spirit.

Peter’s calling as a clairvoyant took me into a direct conversation

with my parents, grandparents and others in my past, connecting me

to Source, Divinity, Energy and God.

It was through this experience that I reawakened my own gift of

intuition and extraordinary perception.

chapter 13

the magnificence of spirit

“be a light in the world, a beacon of wisdom in an

uncertain pl ace, a missionary for change and love

where you go.” robin sharma, the saint, the surfer and the ceo

Joh

n I

ng

lis

part 1


awakening my soul







the magnificence of spirit 143

himself. The film documents his strong-willed and creative efforts to

regain his life.

I was so touched by the power of resoluteness in this story and

how Paul fought for his life that I stood up at the end of the screening

and said, “Thank you, you are my teacher.” Little did I know that Paul

would in fact be my source of inspiration a year later when I had to

confront my own life and death.

It was a moment of pure joy when I met Paul after viewing the

documentary. The intimate connection with him has stayed with me

ever since. We spent the rest of the time in Taipei being very close to

each other. Before we parted, he wrote a message of encouragement

for me in my diary and signed it.

I had very vivid recollections of Paul’s story during the time of

my stroke. He came through as an image and voice of hope, courage,

strength and deep faith at that time.

As I write this, I have a great sense of gratitude and humility

and I am pleased to tell you that, like Paul Nadler, I too have made

it. Together we have emerged as winners in the school of life, with

sharper minds, broader shoulders and a deeper love and devotion.

These three amazing encounters were ones that brought me

into direct contact with the connectedness of body, mind and spirit.

Grace and Gratitude

God, the source of my inspiration,

Thank you for your ever-flowing river of grace

From which I can quench my thirst for healing, love, joy, and wisdom,

Thank you for my awakening, thank you for my awareness of this

moment,

Thank you for the experience of freedom and warmth.

Thank you for silence, a practical and immediate outlet.

yvonne’s prayer

Breath of Fresh Air Buli Maliza, an inspirational soul I met at the

SABC, made time to visit me immediately after my stroke and

recommended that I see Dr Stephano who offered Oxygen Therapy.

Oxygen Therapy is the administration of oxygen as a medical

intervention, for a variety of purposes in both chronic and acute

patient care. Oxygen is essential for cell metabolism, and in turn,

tissue oxygenation is essential for all normal physiological functions.

My therapy included the use of Oxi-gin which is a unique

formulation of energy enhancing blends and contains a fortified

multivitamin formulation with essential and non-essential amino

acids. It acts as an energiser and supplies the body with the building

blocks to facilitate oxygenation. It aids the body by providing

essential nutrients to combat daily fatigue. I really enjoyed the

Oxygen Therapy and always left feeling fresh and relaxed.

Violet Light Liz Conache was introduced to me by Beather Baker, at

colleague at the SABC, late in 2006. From the time we met, Liz and I

became sisters and still are. I believe she is an earth angel sent to me

by God. With Liz, I experienced violet light healing. The therapy gave

me strength and brought back my sense of balance.

The colour purple heals emotional problems, rheumatism,

epilepsy; it helps in reducing pain, in deep tissue work and in healing

bones. The Violet Flame is supposedly charged with the light of divine

freedom and is used to burn off karma generated from other lifetimes

on all levels.

Adventure of Faith In May 2006, I travelled to Taipei to attend INPUT

(the annual International Public Television Screening Conference)

which is an event that focuses specifically on innovative programmes

produced by public broadcasters.

I felt particularly inspired to attend a screening of a documentary

showcasing the healing journey of Paul Nadler, who was the subject

of “Brain damadj’d … Take II.” Paul was a firebrand artist in the world

of television before suffering severe brain damage in a near-fatal car

accident. This accident in the mid-1990s forced Nadler to re-invent

“paul would be my source of inspiration when i

had to confront my own life and death.”

Paul Nadler

part 1

sacred encounters

awakening my soul







the call of time 145

In June 2006 I was invited to attend the Call of Time, a retreat

organised by the Brahma Kumaris World Spiritual University. The

focus of the University is to help people explore their inner qualities

as a basis for developing their highest level of personal integrity and

achieving self-mastery

The retreat was designed to provide space for one-on-one

conversation, small group dialogue and generous time for silent

reflection and meditation.

During the retreat, I met the most beautiful soul, Dadi Janki,

one of the leaders of the Brahma Kumaris. She was 90 years old

at the time we met. She is a spiritual teacher and leader whose

life and personal well-being reveal a holistic approach to health,

physical, mental and spiritual well being. She recognises that while

technological advances in diagnosis and treatment are essential

and need to be shared globally, many health problems arise from

emotional suffering and need to be addressed at a deeper level.

Dadi Janki gave me the most amazing gift of life and kept regular

contact with me.

chapter 14

the call of time

“do good, and it will turn out good.”

dadi janki

Ru

by

Gil

l

part 1


awakening my soul








attached to someone or something, then you cannot take love from God

and give that experience to others.

This message was received just three weeks before my stroke.

It was really humbling to again receive a beautiful email message

from Dadi on 30th June 2007 saying, “I am thinking today about

the power of love. When you are a magnet of love, anyone who is

defaming you will bless you. If you stay double light – that is, if you

fill yourself with light and keep lightness in your attitude – anyone

who is heavy will be transformed. To be double light is the fruit of

love. There should be no labour involved. God makes us so sensible

with love that peace merges within us. Without love and peace, our

inner sense doesn’t flow and when we become loving, we get more

peace.”

One of the most unforgettable teachings I received from her was

that, “I need to make true efforts, and to make true effort I need a

vision of my own original, true state of being.”

She shared some truths with me: simple changes in the way we

think and feel will secure a healthy future for humanity, and a better

world. Filling one’s mind with positive self-awareness creates an

environment of love and care, which in turn helps others to regain

physical strength.

Meditation and rediscovering the inner self are the two main

tenets Dadi Janki taught at the retreat.

Throughout my trauma I always felt supported by the prayers and

meditations of the South African members of the Brahma Kumaris.

Dadi Janki sent me an email on 23rd May 2007. In it she said:

“The most elevated service we can do at this time is to become

instruments for God’s work in the world. To become true instruments,

go into silence every day and experience the stage of being detached

and the stage of being beyond this world. Become an observer,

“saakshi” in Hindi, and be God’s companion, “saathi”. Your vision and

attitude will change and you become “upraam”, which means “not in

this physical world.” In this stage God can use you for His work. Your

mind should be such that the mind of anyone coming in front of you

forgets their sorrows and sufferings.

The first lesson in becoming an instrument is to become detached from the

body. Unless you have learned this lesson, you cannot have a connection

with God. When you want to connect two electrical wires together, you

have to remove the rubber coating first, otherwise the power can not pass

through and there won’t be any light. Similarly, become detached from the

body and then connect with the light from the Power-house. If you are still

“filling one’s mind with positive self-awareness

creates an environment of love and care, which in

turn helps others to regain physical strength.”

“I am thinking todayabout the power of love … God makes us so sensible with love that peace emergeswithin us.”– Dadi Janki

Ru

by

Gil

l

part 1


awakening my soul








through a nomination to serve on the board of the Parliament of

World Religions. The Parliament is an organisation of many faiths

throughout the world, bringing together thousands of people.

In 2006, Pratiba engaged in an ambitious project of the Brahma

Kumaris called Serve Africa, a project aimed at bringing the gift of

meditation to countries within Africa. The project provides spaces

and processes for people to re-discover or deepen their experience

of their inner selves and connection with God. It has always been

a passion for Pratiba. She believes it is through this that real

empowerment and the unfolding of the individual’s true potential

can occur.

I would like to thank Brahma Kumaris Sisters Dipti and Belinda

for their sisterly caring for me. Sister Dipti has been involved with the

BK movement for many years and is a school counsellor and Human

Values Educator. She has appeared on several television programmes

and has taught corporates how to implement human values in

business and other fields of endeavour. She conducts Raja Yoga

meditations and is well known for her self-help approach to healing.

What a beautiful moment of grace. When I returned to work in

February 2008, I found that she had sent me lovely gifts of a light and

a shawl. I was deeply touched by this.

The symbolism was not lost on me: the light signifies possessing

vision, wisdom, and foresight; and I was told that, by presenting

someone with a shawl, honour, gratitude and respect is given.

Along with these lovely gifts, she sent me a beautiful message:

“Yvonne, you embrace the word in the tenderness of recognising

how God considers each soul”.

I do my breathing and pray with this shawl and light every day of

my life. Each time I do, I envision this beautiful soul of light.

Dadi Janki, at the Call of Time retreat, gave me a card, as is

customary at the end of a retreat. On the card was a message that

read: “You brighten the world through your silent heroism and

genuine humility!”

“Spirituality can bring social change. It is spirituality that can

bring a sense of responsibility.”

Another beautiful soul I encountered through the Brahma

Kumaris is Sister Pratiba Daya.

Pratiba was introduced to the Brahma Kumaris World Spiritual

University whilst still at high school. She was motivated to explore

spirituality as a means of serving humanity in a meaningful way, and

the approach and practices of the Brahma Kumaris appealed to her in

bringing spirituality to practical living.

After completing her degree she came to Johannesburg, where

she assisted in co-ordinating and opening branches of the University

in Daxina (Lenasia South) and Randburg. In 1999 she was honoured

“spiritualit y can bring social change. it

is spiritualit y that can bring a sense of

responsibilit y.”

Pratiba Daya

part 1


awakening my soul







151

all life’s hidden treasures and God’s Greatness are discovered – where

the creative genius of the soul is unplugged, where deeper awareness is

invoked by the wave of silence.

In silence, new sources of energy emerge. I journey to deeper places

in God’s companionship in total ecstasy. Laughing hilariously, hearing

unsung songs of life, seeing invisible pictures, hearing new voices,

smelling fresh fragrances, feeling amazing happiness and tranquillity,

being stirred by truth and honesty, connecting intimately with God.

At this place I am in unison with creation. I am totally aware. I

see, I hear, I feel. It’s about everything within me and everything around

me. In this place I see through the dream and concede that life has

meaning beyond myself. This gives me no choice but to ask deeper and

more difficult questions about my life and my relationship with God, in

the company of the Soul.

She met with me several times and has always heeded my call

in emergencies, wherever she was. She works with disadvantaged

communities regularly and is always filled with love, quietness

and an incredible sense of calmness. She is soft-spoken and truly

dynamic and we are blessed and proud to have daughters of the soil,

like her.

During my illness, Dipti and Belinda would travel from Cape Town

to do meditation and pray with me. It is this type of selflessness that I

will carry with me forever.

Thanks also to Sister Jayanti who is the European and Middle East

Director of Brahma Kumaris. Sister Jayanti is an emissary for peace

and has a unique ability to impart the deepest spiritual truths with

the utmost clarity. She sees the erosion of spiritual values at the

heart of the underlying cause of the crises that the world is facing

today.

I was overwhelmed when I returned to work at the SABC

(January 2008) by one of the administrators who used to work in my

department, Johannah Sithole. She came to greet me and she said

that she had read an article I had written after I attended the Call of

Time in Port Alfred in June 2006. She told me how inspired she was by

my words.

During my experience at the Call of Time, I was motivated

to capture in writing some of the thoughts and feelings I was

experiencing at the time.

REFLECTIONS (Grace and Gratitude for the Gift of Life)

01/07/2006 … 16h00

The experience, journeying together through the world of silence,

what a pleasure! An enviable space to be and a haven of creativity. This

is a space for intimate connection with my God, a direct channel for me to

express my love for God, a time for Grace and Gratitude for my life. It is a

moment of truth, a sacred contract between me and my God.

The destination is like a mirage. It is not a place but rather a

heightened consciousness, reawakening, rebirth, renewal, revival where

“in silence, new sources of energy emerge.

i journey to deeper pl aces in god’s

companionship …”

part 1

sacred encounters

awakening my soul







a friend till the end 153

Reading inspirational books became more and more important and

a source that fed my personal transformation. A number of people

gave me books on aspects of transformation that became beautiful

encounters of love and knowledge.

I was introduced to Tanasa Octavia Mageza through an intimate

friend and great soul, Cordy Mageza. Cordy and I were neighbours in

Buccleuch from 1989 to 1998.

Tanasa became a special friend over the almost twenty years

we knew each other before my stroke. Our relationship has been

so strong that I have no doubt in my mind that our connectedness

spans hundreds of years. We both felt we had a soul connection.

Tanasa is a stereotypical Aquarian, friendly and a total

humanitarian. What an honest, loyal and authentic soul. I found

her to be inventive in the face of adversity. Tanasa connected me to

healers and books when I needed it most and her timing was always

chapter 15

a friend till the end

“a friend is someone who knows the song in your

heart, and can sing it back to you when you have

forgotten the words.” unknown

Ro

be

rt I

ng

lis

part 1


awakening my soul








A few months after I had had the stroke I remembered one of

the teachings from this book. Chopra’s advice is not to fear death.

He invites us rather to anticipate it as a miraculous encounter with

eternity: “Prepare to be awakened.”

In many ways, this book made me fall in love with the Vedanta

which says there is a continuum to life. Every quality in you is a

soul quality. The continuum for me was contained in the following

sequence of words: content, happy, thrilled, overjoyed, and blissful.

The combination of my life experience and the messages in this

reading taught me that when we are in touch with our souls, it is

possible to access compassion, strength, harmony, gratitude, truth,

bliss, beauty, love, wisdom and power at a much deeper level.

On reflection, I see how my two compassionate soul sisters,

Tanasa and Cordy, gave me a baton with which to run my marathon,

and I did so with courage, regardless of the fear and doubt that

sometimes haunted me.

I received another book as a gift from Tanasa, titled A Course in

Miracles: Foundation for Inner Peace. This book is significant in that it

begins with a decision by two people, Helen Schucman and William

Thetford, Professors of Medical Psychology at Columbia University

of Physicians and Surgeons in New York City, to write this book as a

common goal.

I read this book after my stroke and was deeply touched by the

following: “Nothing real can be threatened; nothing unreal exists, and

herein lies the peace of God.”

The book answered a question I had been thinking about: “Is

healing certain?”

spot on, to the extent that I feel that she is one of God’s messengers

to me.

Her gifts of books always steered me in a direction that I needed to

go or introduced me to concepts that were life-changing.

On my birthday on 12th February 2007, Tanasa gave me a book

by Deepak Chopra titled Life after Death. This book is a compelling

portrait of the after-life. At that point, little did I know that this book

would prepare me for an experience that would change my life

forever.

I thought it quite interesting that she gave me a book about death

on the day of my birthday. It seemed like a contradiction. This book

saw me drawing on Deepak Chopra’s ancient wisdom and the Vedic

philosophy more and more. It helped me to overcome my fears and

consider all the remarkable possibilities that may await me in the

after-life. I truly feel that my illness was the death of the old and the

rebirth of a new transformed Yvonne. I had a different body after the

stroke, yet came to recognise my soul in a different way.

“she gave me a book about death on the day of my

birthday. my illness was the death of the old and

the rebirth of a new transformed yvonne.”

Main picture: “I truly feel that my illness was the death of the old and the rebirth of a new transformedYvonne.” Above: TanasaMageza

Mik

e J

oh

ns

on

part 1


awakening my soul








the book, she wrote: “To my Teacher and Guru. Let the whole world

benefit from your wisdom.”

This book led me to reading more of Robin Sharma’s books. I went

on to read his Who will cry when you die? I read it over and over again

because it gave me exactly what I needed at that time, which was

to replace the empty feelings inside me with a deep sense of peace,

passion and purpose.

In this book Robin Sharma writes about transforming the

corporate and personal life into a path of high vision and integrity.

I read this injunction, “you should live fully so you can die happy,”

over and over again.

There were other appeals by him that spoke to me very deeply

such as, “When you lie on your death bed, taking your last breath,

there will be only three questions at the forefront of your mind.

These are what I call a person’s final questions. Since they will be

the most important considerations at the end of your life, why

not exercise the personal bravery to make them most important

considerations today?”

Sharma’s words compelled me to ask myself the three questions

from the book in a very honest manner:

• Did I live wisely?

• Did I love well?

• Did I serve greatly?

What stayed with me from this remarkable story by Robin Sharma

about living your heart’s desires, is:

• Each day do something significant to deepen yourself.

• See your life as a fantastic growth school.

• Be true to yourself – the best life is the authentic life.

• Remember, what we collect we project.

• We see the world not as it is but as we are.

• Live in your heart – its wisdom never lies.

• Stand in the curiosity of life.

• Do something each day to nurture your mind, body and spirit.

• Dedicate yourself to deepening your bonds with the people

around you.

The authors suggest: “Healing is always certain. It is impossible for

illusions to be brought to truth and for one to keep the illusions.”

“It is not the function of God’s teachers to evaluate the outcome

of their gifts. It is merely their function to give them. It is the

relinquishing of all concern about the gift that makes it truly given.

And it is trust that makes the true giving possible. Healing is the

change of mind that the Holy Spirit in the patient’s mind is seeking

for him.”

The concept of certain healing had become my compass. It gave

me the hope that with God all things were possible.

What more could I ask for?

“Tune your instrument, restore inner harmony and the world

becomes a wonderful place.”

In 2009, Tanasa showed up again, this time to connect me to

something else that would contribute to my healing.

She spoke to me about joining her to meet Christopher Tokalon,

the “Sound Man.” Christopher took me through a deep experience of

sound therapy and healing.

A saxophonist and flautist, Christopher uses sound and voice as

tools to bring about transformation, release and community building,

as well as a means for self-expression and teamwork.

Sound Therapy works by creating waves that move through our

bodies from cell to cell, restoring harmony in and between the cells,

by vibrating them into re-alignment. These waves of harmonious

sound have the capacity to “shake loose” trapped stress and trauma.

My journey of sound led to greater healing.

In February 2009, Tanasa gave me a copy of The Saint, the Surfer andf

the CEO by Robin Sharma for my birthday. Inside the front cover of

“tune your instrument, restore inner harmony and

the world becomes a wonderful pl ace.”

Christopher Tokalon

part 1


awakening my soul







159

My journey with Tanasa has clearly been one of those that would

teach me that there are no coincidences. Everything happens for a

reason. My interaction with her was indeed one of the most amazing

sacred encounters I was privileged to experience.

The Divine Spirit had planned my sublime encounters with

earth angels, long before I had my stroke. I am convinced that God

has a global positioning system which checks where we are so that

we can never get lost. He sends us messages either through other

human beings or through events in our lives. In this phase of my

journey, angels such as Tanasa, Cordy and Christopher assisted me

in strengthening my mind and body in preparation for what was to

come.

I have no doubt that the deepest longing of the human heart is the

need to live for a cause greater than oneself.

Tanasa also gave me a book titled A School Called Earth, by Luis

Miguel Falcao. It was reassuring and somewhat comforting to find

that this man and I had similar journeys.

At the age of thirty, Luis was diagnosed with a brain tumour which

made him search the spirit world for answers. We met and meditated

together and I felt humbled and blessed to have experienced that.

As I was going through the trauma of physical and sometimes

mental pain, I found many moments of tears of joy even during those

most painful moments.

The magnificent book Resurrection of Love: Finding Hope beyond our

Tears, by Trevor Hudson, is a gift that I have to share. A very simple

lesson I took from this book is: “Tears represent the beginning of

healing and transformation in our lives; they clear the dust from our

eyes and help us to see things differently.”

Our tears make us receptive to the presence of angels and

surprising resurrection encounters. This is what happened for Mary

Magdalene when she met Jesus on Easter Sunday.

Learn to live positively, not out of blissful ignorance but out of

deep conviction that Christ represents the ultimate hope.

“tears represent the beginning of healing and

transformation in our lives; they clear the

dust from our eyes and help us to see things

differently.”

“The deepest longing of the human heart is the need to live for a cause greater than oneself.”

Eu

rop

ea

n S

pa

ce A

ge

nc

y &

NA

SA

part 1

sacred encounters

awakening my soul







images and voices of hope 161

I met Judy Rodgers when I attended a Call of Time retreat in June 2006.

She touched me in ways that I cannot describe. Judy is a writer,

consultant, and social entrepreneur who spends her life working at

the intersection of media, education, and business.

In the 1980s and 1990s she worked with best-selling authors,

creating media projects to educate leaders in business.

Her meeting with Dadi Janki inspired her to study and practise

Raja Yoga, a form of meditation which is intended to connect human

beings with God. The practise of this form of meditation marked a

shift in her focus, and she began to consider the relationship between

awareness, thought, ways of seeing, language, and action.

My moment of grace with her was when she told me that I was

nominated to receive an Image and Voices of Hope Award as part

of Creative South Africa: a strategy to realise the Media’s Creative

Potential to Transform the Public Space (in appreciation for work

that extends a new vision of a better world).

The journey with Judy and Raja Yoga was deep and special. It

was yet another healing moment where I, this time, experienced

chapter 16

images and voices of hope

“the horns cannot be too heavy for the head of

the cow that bears them.” kenyan proverb

Joh

n I

ng

lis

part 1


awakening my soul







images and voices of hope 163

• Count your blessings, not your troubles.

• Your presence is a present to the world.

• Do ordinary things in an extra-ordinary way.

• You’ll make it through whatever comes along.

• Take the time to wish upon a star and don’t ever forget for

even a day… how very special you are.

the power of silence transforming the human soul and, in turn, the

natural elements.

The power of silence is pure thought, pure feeling and the

language of the eyes. With pure thoughts you can rid yourself of

wasteful thoughts. With pure feelings you can create in others the

feelings of love, and through making soul contact through a steady

gaze, you can take others to a place of inner contentment.

These experiences in silence are real because I emerged from

that journey with twelve things that I will always remember:

• Realise it’s never too late.

• Take the days one at a time.

• Within you are so many answers.

• You are unique and one of a kind.

• Have health, hope and happiness.

• Understand, have courage, be strong.

• Your life can be what you want it to be.

“with pure thoughts you can rid yourself of

wasteful thoughts. with pure feelings you can

create in others the feelings of love, and through

making soul contact through a steady gaze, you

can take others to a pl ace of inner contentment.”

Judy Rodgers

“… the power of silence transforming the human soul and,in turn, the natural elements.”

Joh

n I

ng

lis

part 1

sacred encounters

awakening my soul







the guiding light 165

My noble mentor is His Holiness Sri Sri Ravi Shankar (Guruji). Guruji

is the founder of the Art of Living and the International Association

for Human Values. He has inspired a global phenomenon of caring,

sharing and service which has spread to more than 150 countries.

It is said that his programmes and the activities of the Art of Living

have benefited over 30 million people across the world.

The Art of Living Foundation is an international non-profit

educational, charitable, and humanitarian organisation, dedicated

to serving society by strengthening the individual. This is done

by offering programmes that eliminate stress, create a sense of

belonging, restore human values, and encourage people from all

backgrounds, religions and cultural traditions to come together in

celebration and service.

Sometime in early 2006, before I was to have my moment of grace

with my Maker, a Commissioning Editor in the SABC Content Hub

chapter 17

the guiding light

“a smile that comes from the depth of an innocent

life, the freedom you are able to feel in life …

these are the signs of success.”

his holiness sri sri ravi shankar

Mik

e J

oh

ns

on

part 1


awakening my soul







the guiding light 167

By the end of the week-long programme at the Art of Living, my

balance had returned, I could “almost smile” again. My symptoms

after the stroke had improved by almost 70%. I was encouraged by

my boys saying, “the ‘old Yvonne’ is back!”

I continued with the breathing practice I had learnt on

the course every day without fail, and have not skipped a day

since 28th October 2007.

I began to see how much I had to live for, so much so that I forgot

that I had been declared terminal. I made a conscious choice to focus

on living.

As I am still mastering the Art of Living practices, I realise that the

destination is never a place but new growth and development; and

so I do breathing every morning and go for breathing practice every

Monday, attending Satsang (knowledge and Sanskrit chanting) as

frequently as I can. I have found much deeper passion in completing

service, something I have always done but revere much more now as

(where I was the General Manager at the time), Anu Nepal, told me

about the Art of Living Foundation and encouraged me to attend their

breathing classes.

I turned the thought over in my mind and doubtfully told her that

I could never take so much time off work for a silly breathing course.

Little did I know that the Art of Living would contribute to changing

my life.

I feel as if I was destined to meet Vanishree Pavadai, a senior

faculty member at the Art of Living who turned out to be an amazing

teacher, healer, mentor, soul mate and friend.

Vani’s own life changed in 1998 when she came into contact

with Sri Sri Ravi Shankar. Inspired and trained by him, she left her

corporate job at the tender age of twenty four and went to work as a

volunteer setting up the Art of Living Foundation for Southern Africa,

and began teaching the programmes in various countries on the

continent.

My interaction with Vani taught me to believe in myself, face

every moment in life as a new opportunity and to see it as a chance

for me to grow and make a mark with the full knowledge that I had

the ability to succeed in all that I do. I now believe in myself with

deep understanding and humility, and acceptance that I can turn my

darkness into light. When doubts set in, I can look at them and turn

them around and leave with conviction that is strong and true.

“i now believe in myself with deep understanding

and humilit y, and acceptance that i can turn my

darkness into light. when doubts set in, i can

look at them and turn them around and leave with

conviction that is strong and true.”

Main picture: His Holiness Sri Sri RaviShankarAbove: Vanishree Pavadai

part 1


awakening my soul







169

appreciation and love goes to my husband Peter and my three sons,

Thokozane, Tshepo and Katlego. I can only imagine how terrifying

it must have been for them to know and accept that there was a

strong possibility that I would not be with them for much longer. But

through all of this, they showed such bravery, resilience and love. I

acknowledge my extended family, friends and colleagues for their

prayers and support throughout my ordeal.

Here are some of the benefits I have derived from my encounter with

the Art of Living:

Physical health benefits

• Reduced stress

• Improved health and well-being

• More energy

• Strengthened immune system

• Reduced cholesterol levels

Mental health benefits

• Greater creativity

• Greater clarity of mind

• Improved sleep

it brings me strength and renewal. My family has been amazed at the

number of times I have repeated the courses, but I find that I draw

a different kind of energy from the course each time I attend. Each

time there is a paradigm shift for me, deeper healing, new knowledge

and the beam of light radiates more brightly.

I enjoy the company of truth so I am delighted by all the

breathtaking moments and being part of a wonderful journey with

all the beautiful soul mates that I encounter each time I go. Most

importantly, my grace and gratitude go out to all those who have

touched my life in many ways. I bow to light and acknowledge the

Divine through the morning prayer that I was taught, when I was

growing up, by my mother and grandmother, both devoutly faithful

women who had pure intimate relationships with God.

Three weeks after my first course, I went to my scheduled medical

appointment. My doctor, stunned by the results, told me that the

tumour had disintegrated! I then went on an advanced Art of Living

course which offered me deeper meditation techniques. After

completing this course, much of my hearing returned. In February

2008, after seven long months of practising meditation and breathing,

I drove myself back to work in good health. And I have never looked

back since, and continue to enjoy good health.

I express with deep faith and gratitude that, prior to my trauma,

a wise and worthy mirror of my soul journey was reflected through

what I call “sacred encounters” with enlightened beings who gave me

the wisdom, courage and light to face the challenge of healing with

courage, strength, acceptance, calmness, faith and hope.

I would like to express my deep gratitude and recognise the

role that my family played in my journey to healing. My sincere

“i went to my scheduled medical appointment. my

doctor, stunned by the results, told me that the

tumour had disintegrated!”

“At this moment I endeavour to createBeauty, Harmony andPerfection.”

Ro

be

rt I

ng

lis

part 1


awakening my soul







171

At this moment I endeavour to create Beauty, Harmony and

Perfection. In all areas of my life, I understand fully that my body is

not a monument that will last forever; when my purpose on planet

earth is complete I will die gracefully.

There is no need to fear – the Lord God will lead us and protect us

every moment of every minute!

Guruji’s poem gives us a deep understanding of the power of

intention. This poem really gave me the audacity of hope.

Promise

If I had to promise you something, what would it be?

I can’t promise that you would always be comfortable …

Because comfort brings boredom and discomfort.

I can’t promise that all your desires will be fulfilled …

Because desires whether fulfilled or unfulfilled bring frustration.

I can’t promise that there will always be good times …

Because it is the tough times that make us appreciate joy.

I can’t promise that we will be rich or famous or powerful …

Because they can all be pathways to misery.

I can’t promise that we will always be together …

Because it is separation that makes togetherness so wonderful.

Yet if you are willing to walk with me,

If you are willing to value love over everything else –

I promise that this will be the most rich and fulfilling life possible.

I promise your life will be an eternal celebration,

I promise you I will cherish you more than a king cherishes his crown,

And I shall love you more than a mother loves her newborn.

If you are willing to walk into my arms,

If you are willing to live in my heart,

You will find the one you have waited for forever …

You will meet yourself in my arms …

I promise.

his holiness sri sri ravi shankar, founder – the art of

living & the international association for human values.

with permission from the author

• Enhanced brain function

• Improved ability to manage challenging situations

Improved interpersonal relations

• More ease, joy and harmony in personal and work

relationships

• A deeper sense of community

• Increased awareness both of self and surroundings

• Improved patience

• Increased confidence and self-esteem

Psychological benefits

• Relief from anxiety and depression (mild, moderate, and

severe)

Spiritual benefits

• Enhanced yoga and meditation practices

• Experiencing a deep inner peace of mind.

There’s no doubt in my mind that my healing was due to faith, my

will to live, the medical interventions I underwent and the alternative

methods of healing and prayer I practiced and received from across

the globe. Many people become so involved with trying to cope with

catastrophic events that they tend to shut themselves down at these

times. I have learnt to open myself up to the love and support that I

was surrounded with. I received very simple and practical breathing

techniques, yet they were mystically healing.

I believe that this played a major role in my recovery, along with

the power of silence and my humility in letting go and surrendering

to the infinite and eternal Source.

The great lesson I learnt from Dr Demartini began to arise for

me again: “No matter how much I have blundered throughout my

life, I have the right to receive grace and unconditional love without

judgment.”

This experience taught me never to give way to discouragement or

doubt and to find in God new Courage, Light, Strength, Wisdom and

Fearlessness.

part 1

sacred encounters

awakening my soul







ultimately we are all one 173

My face-to-face encounter with Dr Nokuzola Mndende, a sangoma

(African traditional healer), happened in 2006 at a SABC Religion

Conference at the OR Tambo Airport in Johannesburg.

At the conference, I received many blessings from African Religion

Ambassadors. I connected with Dr Nokuzola Mndende, from the

Icamagu Institute. She presented herself as non-Christian but not

anti-Christian. Her words to me then were: “If a person gets healed,

it doesn’t really matter who one believed the healing came from, a

Christian God, a sangoma or the ancestors.”

Her words led me to think quite deeply. As I look back on

the diverse sacred encounters of healing I had the privilege of

experiencing, I do believe that Dr Mndende had a point. What

mattered most was that I had experienced a true and deep

chapter 18

ultimately we are all one

“like the bee gathering honey from different

flowers, the wise man accepts the essence of

different scriptures and sees only the good in all

religions.” the srimad bhagavatam 11.3

Gu

y S

tub

bs

/ A

fric

a M

ed

ia O

nli

ne

part 1


awakening my soul







ultimately we are all one 175

Mam Yvonne Kgame first met His Holiness Sadhu Rangarajan in

South Africa at a gathering at my home in May 2009.

The Sadhu is known as Sadhu Prof V. Rangarajan, a teacher,

scholar and spiritual guru from the Bharatamata Ashram in

Bangalore, India. He is the founder of the Sister Nivedita Academy –

an institution devoted to and dedicated to serving the ideals of the

Sanathana Dharma – the ancient, Vedic or Hindu Religion and value

systems.

The Sadhu is regarded as a renaissance thinker. Sadhu Rangarajan

shares deep insights into ancient Vedic spirituality and universal

human values that breathes new life into the eternal essence of Unity

in Consciousness.

Rising above the narrow considerations of caste, colour, religion

and background, Sadhu shares insightful wisdom on the eternal

questions of life: Who am I? Where did I come from? What is my

ultimate destiny? Such areas of deep reflection Sadhu answers with

connection with Source through all the earth angels I had

encountered.

The ancient wisdom traditions of the world have always

acknowledged the ancient teachings of Africa. It is said that the

destiny of humanity lies in Africa and the eternal timekeepers of Her

wisdom will be reborn in many places of varied origins.

Through the centuries Africa has faced many conquests and

onslaughts but, despite this, has always opened her arms to the world

to be a part of its peace, harmony and the celebration of diversity. It

was here that the values of Umoja (unity) and Ubuntu (“I am because

you are … you are because I am”) were born.

My encounter with the sacred reveals no boundaries; once we

enter into the domain of Spirit, there is no black or white, or race or

ethnicity but a deep recognition of the Soul in its journey to reclaim

itself. The African concept of the Ultimate Reality is that one Divine

Spark permeates everything and we are all part of that One. The

rootedness of being African gives permission to all to share in its

beauty, its natural wonders and its essence of the Divine connection.

Yashika Singh, my beautiful angel of light and colleague, invited

me to attend a satsang at her house with an esteemed Guru who was

visiting from India. This is how she tells my story:

“… once we enter into the domain of spirit, there

is no bl ack or white, or race or ethnicit y but

a deep recognition of the soul in its journey

to recl aim itself. the african concept of the

ultimate realit y is that one divine spark permeates

everything and we are all part of that one.”

Yvonne with His Holiness Sadhu Rangarajan

part 1


awakening my soul







177

Sadhuji’s good-humoured nature attracts all those he comes into

contact with and shares anecdotal, yet life-changing insights into

topics such as how to live a good life, how to achieve the Art of Living,

and understanding the rules of life in order to play The Game of Life

with the saying, “Life is a game, play it …”

Perhaps one of the great gifts that day was the affirmation that we

are spiritual beings living a human experience and that ultimately we

are All One. Yvonne’s own growth into a profound journey has been

attributed to many factors: her stroke, hospital and her grey hair.

Yet beyond the stroke lies a soul that yearns for its connection to the

eternal Source.

That beautiful Sunday, Yvonne lived, breathed and smiled like an

innocent child on encountering a Father after a long time.

The space of a Guru is always about a personal connection, like a

deep breath that is so intrinsically our own, yet passes on.

The Guru reminded us of our ultimate essence, that there is only

Oneness. This message served as a reminder that mam Yvonne is a

teacher, a guide, and her encounter with Sadhu Rangarajan was a

calling to the inner teacher to recognise the Essence in All.

yashika singh

profound humility and with such clarity of thought, sometimes

leaving the audience spellbound.

He recognises the diversity of thought, culture and religion

in South Africa and shares profound insights on the comparison

between African traditional ways of worship and Hinduism, natural

healing, Ayurveda and indigenous knowledge-based systems as well

as issues in ethics and morality.

Yvonne decided to seek the grace and wisdom of this well-

known Sadhu. The day was characterised by the attendance of a few

influential friends who are some of South Africa’s leading women

and men in business, health and media. Yvonne arrived late, as usual,

probably because she sees herself beyond time and space!

As she entered the gates, one could hear peals of laughter echo

and then, immediately, the sombre mood and atmosphere changed!

The Sadhu, with a twinkle in his eye, welcomed her and the others

and as he blessed her, said: “Be Happy!”

“… the eternal questions of life: who am i? where

did i come from? … what is my ultimate destiny?”

“… beyond the strokelies a soul that yearnsfor its connection tothe eternal Source.”

NA

SA

, E

SA

, a

nd

H.

Ric

he

r (U

niv

ers

ity

of

Bri

tis

h C

olu

mb

ia)

grace, gratitudeand sacred service

“the real voyage of discovery consists

not in seeking of new landscapes but

in having new eyes.” marcel proust

part 4

Ro

be

rt I

ng

lis

part 1

grace, gratitude and sacred service

awakening my soul







expressing grace and gratitude through service 181

As I reflect on the road I have travelled, I realise that this

magnificent journey of recovery is an unforgettable moment in the

history of my life. It has been a gift of a noble opportunity to search

my soul and cleanse the blockages in body, mind and soul at a deep

level, some of which I was not even aware of. This journey provided

me the opportunity to face my fears, self-doubt, the not-good-enough

perception I had of myself and the self-imposed limitations that

came as a consequence.

Today I am free and fully embrace the infinite grace granted to

me by the Divine. I am conscious of this abundant grace daily as it

surrounds me, as did those angels who guided and protected me on

the way to the hospital that nearly fateful night.

chapter 19

expressing grace and gratitude

through service

“i begin to realise that in inquiring about my own

origin and goal , i am inquiring about something

other than myself … in this very realisation i

begin to recognise the origin and goal of the

world.” martin buber

Ro

be

rt I

ng

lis

part 1

182 grace, gratitude and sacred service

awakening my soul








My experience of the Divine’s Infinite Grace could have ended as

a mere personal encounter, a private moment with my Creator and

the lessons I have had to learn. But I believe that my life’s purpose as

a teacher compels me to share my story with you. It is my hope that

you will find something that will resonate with you and, hopefully,

take you on your personal mission to find your own magnificence.

I have tried to give you a rich and authentic portrayal of my

experience, leading to the new place in which I find myself today.

What is left for me to do as I come to the end of my story here is to

share some of the insights and daily practices I believe have shaped

my transformation. I hope that these points of light will illuminate a

path to your own experience of the Divine. I also share with you some

of the messages from loved ones who have shared in my experience

and have witnessed the new light, love and laughter in me.

I consider the concept of Sacred Activism, developed by Andrew

Harvey, an appropriate framework to adopt as I move into this

beautiful and challenging new phase of my life. Sacred Activism has

I am more in tune with the rhythm of the universe and my

new dance with life is one of joyful gratitude. I am overjoyed by

the opportunities given to me to enjoy the gift of living in better

alignment with the energy of the cosmos. It is indeed true that when

we are in alignment with the universe, it has no choice but to grant

its infinite grace to us.

I have come to accept that being true to my journey means

having to leave behind some of those who once walked with me in

the past, and joining with new souls who will walk with me on the

new journey that lies ahead. My gift of grace has brought about

acceptance of the changes in my life as I surrender to the Divine.

I have come to realise that we are not confined to the events in

this lifetime only. Our knowledge, wisdom and power gathered over

time and space are woven together into a vast tapestry, creating

intricate designs on our lives from which we can learn. What is

required of us is an openness to explore that which we already have

within and to align this with our divine purpose. When we do this, we

begin to see the infinite possibilities that fill every precious moment

of life.

This journey of grace continues to be an extraordinary adventure

for me. I am aware of the myriad blessings streaming into my life

every moment of every day and I accept that I am blessed. The core

of my heart and soul has been opened and I feel, see, touch and

taste the vast source of love and grace available to me. I am enjoying

my rebirth and the divine gift of who I am, with the understanding

that when we compare ourselves to others we see neither ourselves

nor those we look up to. This is often the route that leads to our

discomfort with ourselves and self-doubt.

“i believe that my life’s purpose as a teacher

compels me to share my story with you.”

Yvonne with Ntsiki and Thokozane on their wedding day

part 1


awakening my soul








The journey my Creator began with me on 14th June 2007 has

reminded me of who I am and what I am here on this planet to

do. Our conversations have brought my being into harmony and

empowered me to go inside myself and accept who I am. This has

brought about a deep peace within me and I continue to strive to live

authentically despite the ups and downs of life.

Joy finds us and lifts us

Ma’m Yvonne is no ordinary human being. For me she is a

Messenger, the Knower of Truth. Her coming onto my path was

no accident but a gentle reminder of where our goals ought to be

manifested – in healing and helping.

Spending time at my home in the presence of His Holiness Sadhu

Rangarajan was a divine moment to witness Ma’m Yvonne imbibing

the grace and wisdom of His Holiness.

Yvonne constantly reminds me of the call to compassion and

widening my circle of giving and caring, urging me to live in such a

helped me to create ways in which to infuse the wisdom and love

of all the earth angels in my sacred encounters, and their life-giving

gifts, into a new way of being. Sacred Activism has provided me with

a rhythm with which I step out to dance with life.

Sacred Activism, in essence, is a commitment to combine

five integrated forms of service. The first is service through

connectedness to the Divine – whoever you perceive the Divine to be.

The second is service to yourself as an instrument of the Divine and

the work you are meant to do in the world. The third form of service

is to all sentient beings in your life. The fourth is service to your

community and encouraging interaction with those around you for

the greater good. Finally, recognising that you are a significant person

on this planet, being a sacred activist involves service as a global

citizen in the world.

Think of these five forms of service as the five fingers of your

hand stretched out to bless and help the world.

Service to the Divine

Without constant divine connectedness it is impossible to be a

sacred activist – especially in a world as challenging as the one we

live in. So turning to the Divine, in whatever way you imagine the

Divine to be, and serving it in devotion, adoration and gratitude is the

first step in service.

Ask the Divine to constantly provide you with sacred wisdom.

Keep your heart on fire with compassion for all living beings, and

keep filling your soul with sacred energy for the purpose you are

called to.

“ask the divine to constantly provide you with

sacred wisdom. keep your heart on fire with

compassion for all living beings.”

Yvonne with Yashika (back) and friends Verona Duwarkah and Shameema Shaik at Yashika’s house

part 1


awakening my soul








A great friend of substance

Where are friendships born? It could be at school, at work, at

a party or any other meeting place. My friendship with Yvonne is

unique – it was born in the “ladies” at Macmillan Swaziland offices.

The chemistry was awesome. We spoke about beauty; we joked and

laughed before we introduced ourselves to each other. We agreed on

one thing: “People meet and connect for a reason but fail to follow

through.” We promised to stay in touch – Yvonne was based in the

Johannesburg office and I was in the Swaziland office. When I reflect

on this chance meeting, I am always most grateful that our paths

crossed.

As a true friend would do, Yvonne has helped me grow

emotionally and spiritually. We have been through some tough times

but we have made it through by supporting each other. We celebrate

our individual and family successes together.

When Yvonne suffered her stroke, I saw another side of her. I

experienced a phenomenal woman of great courage, with no fear;

trusting and believing against all odds that all would be well. She

does not see problems, she sees challenges, and she believes with

every challenge lies a great opportunity. Yvonne is a great inspiration

to me and my family. I am truly blessed to have an awesome friend,

sister and confidante like Yvonne. francie shoniwa, friend

way that, as the Indian Master Sri Sathya Sai Baba says, “My life is my

message …”

“Do not live in silos,” Yvonne would advise daily. “You are bigger

than you think you are.”

Often when we prayed together (and we still do) the evocation of

the chants, mantras and readings from spiritual texts stirred deep

love within us.

As I saw her lying in her room at the time of her healing, a few

weeks after she was diagnosed with the tumour, I reflected once

more on the energy and passion of a Soul not of this world: for me,

one from beyond time and beyond space.

“You are the Mother … You are our mother. You have to live

because your calling is a greater one,” I whispered to her.

Her form as Yvonne is to serve, guide and be the instrument of

change wherever she is placed.

yashika singh – friend, colleague and soul sister

Peace

I first met Yvonne in a sombre atmosphere when we were both

supporting a bereaved family. For me Yvonne is the embodiment of

PEACE, she is about peace, she shares peace and she is peace. For me,

everything in her being says, “Be still and trust in God.”

I am grateful that God has made it possible for our paths to cross.

Yvonne, your aura inspires me.

Thank you, Yvonne, for making time for your fellow human

beings. Thank you for sparing a moment to constantly send us

inspiring messages.

Lots of love to you and your family.

Thank you to them for sharing you with us. mandisa mokgata

“this has brought about a deep peace within me

and i continue to strive to live authentically

despite the ups and downs of life.”

Top: Yashika SinghBottom: MandisaMokgata

y

Y hik Si h

part 1


awakening my soul







service to self 189

A sacred activist needs to be healthy to do the work they are called to

do. For the Divine to be present in the body requires that we treat the

body as a temple.

The tumour, although a traumatic moment in my life, taught me

that I needed to slow down and take care of my body, for without

it, I could not be an instrument of grace. My call by the Divine was

of a physical nature, taking me through this powerful process of

realisation and pointing to the importance of taking care of the

physical being.

One of the great lessons I take from this journey is to be in touch

with the Divine feminine, and to be a mother to myself. I have learnt

that the body I am in should be nurtured and treated with respect,

and taken care of with the tenderness of a mother. In daily practice,

this means a healthy diet, physical exercise, breathing techniques,

daily meditation and sufficient time for rejuvenation – all aspects of

service to self.

chapter 20

service to self

“ you are a l aboratory and every day is the

experiment. go and find what is new and

unexpected.” joel elkes

part 1


awakening my soul







191

my day. Most importantly, I have found that I am mastering the art

of saying yes when I mean yes and no when I mean no. I find that

giving feedback instantly and expressing my feelings and views in the

present moment is much easier.

In my daily practice, I remind myself constantly of the sacred

responsibility I have to my body. Here is a prayer which I offer to the

Divine to help me stay connected:

“Divine Mother, give me your eyes so I can see myself through them

and see how holy in your eyes is my soul,

and how holy in your eyes is my mind,

and how holy in your eyes is my heart,

and how holy and sacred in your eyes is my body.

Help me to be as merciful and generous with myself as You would

always want me to be;

help me to honour myself as I have found to my amazement You

honour me;

help me live and work from the peace and balance and compassion

from which You live and work and help.

Looking after oneself through service to self includes looking after

the soul through practices that nourish and inspire spiritual well-

being; looking after the intellectual aspects of self; and taking care of

emotional well-being through practising silence and meditation.

For many pursuing sacred experiences, looking after our bodies

is often a challenge. Many of us prefer to focus on the spirit, seeing

this as more important than the physical. This is one of the greatest

mistakes we can make. How can the body serve us if we do not love

and cherish it as a mother would her newborn? How can we work

with the Divine if we continue to be careless about how we treat our

physical being?

I have learnt, and continue to learn, to embrace new ways of

taking care of my body. In my daily practice I have adopted good

eating habits, continually try to create positive and harmonious

environments, and take time to rejuvenate through sleep and other

restful activities.

I have found that when I call on the Divine mother within me to

restore balance and peace, I receive the Divine energy to focus on my

purpose.

By removing the obstacles that prevent our bodies from

functioning at their best, we allow our bodies to renew themselves,

live in balance and perform at their peak. By honouring and taking

care of all aspects of ourselves, we pay honour to the Divine and open

paths to our truth. Our human self is the temple of our divine self;

and we need to honour it by being in the best state of health we can.

I have found that, as I take care of my body as an instrument of

the Divine, I am more patient and open to others as I go through

“our human self is the temple of our divine self;

and we need to honour it by being in the best state

of health we can.”

“How can the bodyserve us if we do not love and cherish it as a mother would her newborn?”

Ro

be

rt I

ng

lis

part 1


awakening my soul







service to self 193

Help me in these ways, Mother, so I can at last truly become the

instrument You need me to become,

the sacred instrument of your compassion in action that You

created me to be,

and that I already am in your holy and illumined eyes.”

This prayer has done wonders for me. I invite you to use it if it

resonates with you, or you may choose your own prayer. Creating

your own prayer is a practice which will inspire you and is a

wonderful healing process in and of itself; after all, each of us knows

our own needs better than anyone else. As you do this healing work,

be true and honest with yourself about the things that do not serve

you. Do not judge yourself, or analyse yourself, but merely look at the

truth of yourself.

In thinking about service and sacred activism for ourselves,

remember that we can only give to others what we ourselves already

have. By taking care of body, mind and spirit, we are in a better

position to take care of others.

I can only give thanks to my Creator, my parents, my ancestors,

my family, my teachers, my guardian angels, my leaders, my masters,

my gurus, my friends, my colleagues, my neighbours, my prayer

group and all the earth angels who guided and loved me back to full

physical recovery.

My journey was a calling to completeness and to fulfil my purpose

to make the world a place of grace. I understand this to be a deep

calling, beyond time and space, and I accept the service to which I am

called.

It is not always that we are called to take care of ourselves as I

was, through a dramatic awakening. Some of us may be called to an

awakening in gentler ways. What is important is that we recognise

the calling.

In my case, my awakening was the beginning of letting go of a

lifetime of layers of emotional pain, anger, guilt, resentment, betrayal,

self-doubt, rejection, and loneliness. It’s not as though I feel I have

arrived, but rather that I have started to live and express the Divine

through my new dance with life.

Where there was a dark cloud hanging over my head, now there is

light, love laughter, joy and celebration.

“some of us may be called to an awakening

in gentler ways. what is important is that we

recognise the calling.”

“By taking care of body, mind and spirit, we are in a better position to take careof others.”

part 1


awakening my soul







service to self 195

beginning to be felt by hundreds of people in South Africa, the

African Continent and across the globe.

She speaks her truth, gives generously, brings a smile and gives a

hug to all those she meets and makes you feel like you are the most

important person in the world when you are with her.

These days Sis Yvonne walks around with a sense of purpose;

she has the energy of a child; she makes every moment count. She

is a wonderful example of what it means to be alive in the present

moment. I love her and continue to be inspired by her and her

story. jacqui hlongwane

Blessed

A bright light that always shines, a flower always in bloom, a river

that always flows, spreading love, care and beauty, and treating

everyone with respect and dignity. This is how I have come to know

Yvonne.

It has always felt as if we had always known each other. Yvonne

supported me in difficult times; she taught me life’s lessons and led

me onto the road of personal transformation and into the world of

spirituality. Her stroke was indeed a stroke of grace; it brought her

closer to God, who unleashed deep healing spiritual forces within

her. Her positive outlook, positive energy, her love and truth created a

miracle – a message to the world.

She is a living example of how you can fight and cure negative

forces within yourself through the power of the mind and soul and

live life to the fullest

Yvonne you are blessed. Keep spreading your life energy and love

to others.

What an honour to have you in my life.

charles owen, colleague and friend

Through her illness Yvonne has taught me the power of surrender,

prayer, meditation, faith and love. Her recovery is nothing but a

miracle. Sis Yvonne spiritually transformed from a caterpillar to a

beautiful and bright butterfly. Her power to teach and heal is now

“her positive outlook, positive energy,

her love and truth created a miracle – a message

to the world.”

Jacqui and Yvonne

part 1


awakening my soul







service to all living beings 197

One of my true awakenings has been to look for the beauty in all

human beings with whom I come into contact every day and to

experience the Divine that is within each one. Whether it be the

woman begging at the traffic light, the child crying for a toy in the

supermarket, the colleagues struggling financially, our helpers who

contribute to the flow of our daily lives, the friends dealing with hard

times, family members going through various life experiences – all

are part of the Divine. The closer your relationship with the Divine,

the greater the tenderness and compassion you feel for all beings.

Close, intimate and meaningful relationships are hard to maintain

in our frenzied, spin-off-its-axis, stressful world. Relationships of a

warm and caring nature seem possible only in a by-gone era when

life was slower.

chapter 21

service to all living beings

“everything would change if only we could treat

every single being we meet, human or animal , as

who they really are – a disguise of god.”

Ro

be

rt I

ng

lis

part 1


awakening my soul







199

our own needs that are most important and that others exist only to

fulfil them in a manner that suits us.

In a society where nearly everything is based on immediate

gratification, we tend to see ourselves and everyone else as cogs in

a machine that has to be kept working relentlessly at all costs. The

price we pay for this kind of mechanical relationship is immense;

it numbs our souls and fills our bodies with stress and tension.

Practising respect for others sets us free from feeling trapped in the

cogs and allows us to be our own true selves.

My commitment to restoring my relationships is to slow down

each day, to take a moment to see each person as a divine presence,

and to respect the essence of who they are.

In my daily practice, I sometimes struggle to maintain the new

ways of relating to my family, colleagues and friends and even those

who casually come into my space. But I also see the difference that

slowing down has made in my approach to others and in encouraging

healthy, joyful and balanced relationships.

As I reflect at the end of my day, each day, scanning my

interactions with others, I often see opportunities for deeper

compassion and understanding. Committing to follow the simple yet

powerful practice of remembering that the Divine dwells in all, my

heart lights up and I can once again commit to embracing all living

beings as divine.

Performing service allows us to experience three related forces

that will strengthen and inspire us. These are: the force of our own

innate compassion, the force of the divine presence in every being,

and the force of the divine presence in our reality.

I urge women, especially in the roles we play in the lives of

others as mothers, wives, leaders, teachers, caregivers, mentors and

guides, to pay special attention to inviting and nurturing the Divine

in these relationships. This gesture will begin to shift your idea of

your relationship with God and expand it to include all who come

across your path. Make a commitment to remember that those whom

you deal with every day are all divine. Always return to tenderness

and compassion and you will see that over time these relationships

become transformed through love.

But it is not only your intimate circle that needs to be nurtured

in this way. In the course of our days we come into contact with

different people – taxi drivers, shopkeepers, waiters, bank tellers and

business associates. Remembering to treat everyone with respect is

sometimes difficult because of our egos. We tend to think that it is

“make a commitment to remember that those whom

you deal with every day are all divine.”

“One of my true awakenings has been to look for the beauty in all human beings.”

Ro

be

rt I

ng

lis

part 1


awakening my soul







service to all living beings 201

– and continues to do so – how to live a meaningful, fulfilling life,

because sometimes we forget. We forget that what we do doesn’t

make us who we are.

We forget that the soul is not dependent on the work we do. She

has found peace and a sense of strength that those who seek power

for its own sake will never have. She is my friend, teacher and a

profound leader. kethiwe, friend, colleague and soul sister

Sometimes we forget

Each time I met with Yvonne during her illness, I felt an intense

inner dialogue was taking place. She was willing herself better and

positively affirming her health. And the more we met, the more I

knew she would survive and thrive.

Over the next few months she willed herself well. Yes, there was

major medical intervention, but I didn’t pay as much attention to

that as to her own ability to heal herself. And that’s exactly what she

did. The illness has actually been a blessing; it has led her to a space

of deep inner healing.

She has moderated the kind of work habits that had been such a

great part of her life in the last few years. She protects her soul and

her centre by not getting too far into the middle of chaos – but she

remains present in our lives, perhaps in a bigger way than before.

Her illness was a miraculous turn-about. She looks so fantastic,

she looks so well and so in touch with life. She demonstrated to me

“she has found peace and a sense of strength

that those who seek power for its own sake

will never have.”

“She looks sofantastic, she looks so well and so in touch with life.”

part 1


awakening my soul







service to community 203

When my friends or colleagues ask me how I know that I have

found my life purpose, I say, “Look at what has caused you heart-

ache, or what you have tried to avoid in your life. Identify which one

of all the causes in the world really breaks your heart.” When you

have identified this, you have found your purpose and you will be

convinced by it through the energy and passion you feel as you work

with your purpose.

Once you have identified your purpose, put it into action

immediately, so that it doesn’t remain just an idea but becomes a

practice that you bring into the world every day, with those around

you and in your local community.

chapter 22

service to community

“nothing is more important than restoring public

service in our communities. it has never been more

essential for us to recognise that we are all in the

same boat and that our local communities reflect

the emotional, physical, social, political, financial

problems of the larger world.” andrew harvey

part 1


awakening my soul








Through our own deepest heartbreak, we connect with the

heartbreak of the divine feminine, and it recruits us to do our

particular work, and then fills us with the passion and hope to

undertake it, however big or small the challenge might seem.

Heritage Day is designated as a day when we as South Africans

celebrate the history and heritage of our country and its people.

One of my community activities has been with the Alexandra

Nursery School when we hosted an occasion attended by community

members including children, youth, the elderly, hospice patients and

over 100 children between 3 and 7 years old from the Nursery School

accompanied by their teachers and volunteers. We chose to host the

event at the hospice so that we could include the patients residing

at the venue. At the request of the hospice patients, I led a group

of women going ward to ward, visiting with individual patients and

praying with them and offering a blessing to each.

Here is a practice to help you identify your purpose and

experience the focus and empowerment it can give you.

Set your alarm to wake you up at 4:00 in the morning. (This early

hour of the morning is a particularly good time to do spiritual work

because the noise of the world is hushed and it is easy to feel alone

with your spirit and the Divine.) Sit peacefully and open your heart,

perhaps with a prayer, music or a mantra you love. When you are

peaceful, allow yourself to feel the pain of what is happening in the

world. Ask yourself: What is THE cause of all the causes I care for, that

speaks to me the most right now?

When you have identified your purpose; imagine that this purpose

is a light or flame that guides you down a staircase into a small, dark

cave. This small, dark cave represents the centre of your heart. By

the light in your heart, you see that there is a letter on the floor of

the cave with your name on it in your own handwriting. Praying for

courage and clarity, pick up that letter, open it, and read it.

What I found remarkable, in finding my purpose, was that I found

something real to do and I found something that I was passionate

about and felt energised and alive about. My life became a creative

place from which I could visualise a new world and a new way of

being for myself and others.

The world is somehow “designed” to break our hearts through the

reality of cruelty and suffering. I believe, however, that if each person

were to follow their personal heartbreak and then do something

about it in their community, a great lessening of pain would occur

and it would be replaced by an overwhelming surge of hope.

“… it is important for young people to

identif y with their cultures, l anguages, and

customary practices …”

Heritage Day celebrations at theAlexandra TownshipHospice

part 1


awakening my soul








This is the example that was set for all who watched. More than

that, during her period of extreme illness she reached out and gave

encouragement to those in far more trivial circumstances, and the

problems that she saw many of us facing were all work-related and

comparatively trivial. However, it was not about a judgement of the

circumstances, but a care for the person in those circumstances that

she gave counsel to.

She would sympathise and encourage, but try and ensure that we

began to focus on the bigger picture too – the kids at home, the life

we choose to live, the counsel we can give that can make a difference

to our immediate surroundings. This showed that even in illness she

had found a greater energy of purpose.

patricia van heerden, colleague and friend

We celebrated the occasion with song, dance, music, storytelling,

poetry and food, inspired speeches on the history of our country, the

history of Alexandra Township, why it is important for young people

to identify with their cultures, languages and customary practices,

information about Art of Living and the techniques they use in order

to live a healthy and balanced life. These were just some highlights of

sharing grace and love throughout the day. We also used drumming

as a healing tool, bringing peace and unity to individuals, families,

and the broader community. The health of South Africa, through

touching the community of Alexandra, was strengthened by this act

of service and my heart soars with hope as I continue to do service in

Alex.

The Bigger Picture

Illness is an obstacle, like other things in life that can reduce one

to complaining, but for Yvonne it became a journey of power – in

which she took back her family and re-focused her life. In a sense,

becoming the author of who she is and where she wants to be.

“she would sympathise and encourage, but try

and ensure that we began to focus on the bigger

picture too …”Yvonne with children at the Heritage Day celebrationBelow: Patricia van Heerden

part 1


awakening my soul







service as global citizens 209

The only possible response to interconnectedness is what the Dalai

Lama calls “universal responsibility”: the decision to be conscious, in

the core of our lives, of the effect of all our choices – economic, social,

political – congruent with our most compassionate beliefs.

What does this mean in practice to someone who wants to

be a sacred activist? It means always remembering to pray for the

happiness and safety of all living beings, both when you begin your

private spiritual practice and when you end it; it means dedicating

your practice, both at the beginning and at the end, to all other

beings everywhere; it means committing to being deeply informed

on the major crises afflicting our planet, especially our growing

environmental challenges; it means having the integrity to see

that your money is not invested in corporations that destroy the

environment or exploit sweatshop labour; it means buying a fuel-

efficient car and taking as much public transportation as you can; it

means becoming aware that our meat-eating habits not only cause

chapter 23

service as global citizens

“when you make service the sole purpose in life,

it eliminates fear, brings focus in your mind,

purposefulness in action, and long term joy.”

his holiness sri sri ravi shankar

Gu

y S

tub

bs

/ A

fric

a M

ed

ia O

nli

ne

part 1


awakening my soul








Deva, a member of the European Parliament and a member of the

Board of the World Forum for Ethics in Business, and Hans-Martin

Schempp, President of the International Association for Human

Values.

The Conference is part of the International Business and

Leadership Symposium and is an initiative of the International

Association for Human Values, a volunteer-based, charitable NGO

and sister organisation of the Art of Living Foundation dedicated

to the development and promotion of human values in society. I

addressed Heads of State, Parliamentarians, Scientists, Nuclear

Physicists, Physicians, business and religious leaders as well as youth

from over 40 countries about my life, trauma, and journey of healing.

This was well received and I was honoured with a standing ovation

from youth and others from over forty countries in November 2008.

This was followed by a humbling invitation to participate in the

World Cultural Festival.

I was humbled when I was given a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity

to lead the Gratitude Day in honour of Nelson Mandela as a world

ambassador of peace at the World Cultural Festival held in Berlin,

Germany on 2nd and 3rd July 2011. This was an event where 70 000

people from 151 different countries joined together to celebrate

culture and unity in diversity.

Pursuing one’s purpose should be done without self-righteousness.

Who of us, even the most conscious among us, does not collude in

some way with the very forces of greed, competition, and exploitation

that are destroying the world? Even the Dalai Lama takes planes.

Even Mother Teresa got driven around Calcutta in a car. Recognising

great pain to the animals we slaughter, but also engender massive

environmental abuse through the clearing of forest for agriculture;

hence choosing to limit our meat intake or go vegetarian is the way

to go.

It means honouring our duty as citizens in our various

communities and countries and voting for those officials whom we

consider best qualified to safeguard the planet and address the real

issues of financial hardship facing our world. It means scrutinising

our own consumerist habits. In a time when so many families are

going to bed hungry, it is morally imperative to simplify our lives.

Finally, it means being strongly critical of any opinion we hear in our

private circles that promotes intolerance of any religion or prejudice

against any group.

My opportunity to serve the global community came about when

I was invited by His Holiness Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, the founder of the

Art Of Living Foundation, to be Guest of Honour at the Conference

on Ethics in Business – Corporate Culture and Spirituality – at the

European Parliament in Brussels, Belgium. It was presented by Nirj

“in a time when so many families are going to

bed hungry, it is morally imperative to simplif y

our lives.”

World Cultural Festival in Berlin,2011

part 1


awakening my soul








Source of Life

Deepening the mystery of Creation is Science.

Deepening the mystery of Self is Spirituality.

Spirituality is the technology of the consciousness, and the whole world is

the play and display of consciousness.

What is not mystery in this creation?!

Birth is a mystery.

Death is a mystery.

Life is certainly a greater mystery!

The entire creation is an unfathomable secret!

h. h. sri sri ravi shankar

Yvonne’s enthusiasm is a joy to behold

Yvonne is a teacher, in the fullest sense of the word. She

inspires, instructs, questions, reveals, uncovers, creates, wonders

and muses. Most importantly – and this for me is the hallmark of

a true teacher – she is always learning and sharing the wonder of

having learned.

The enthusiasm Yvonne brings to the act of learning is a joy

to behold. I have witnessed her love of learning in the simplest

of daily rituals, and I have seen her make great, boundless leaps

of learning, full of creativity, awe and faith – and all of it always

wrapped in good humour and rolling laughter.

I have known Yvonne for almost a decade, and while our

friendship has been sustained by short visits, sometimes years apart,

I have been fortunate to have Yvonne share with me her own growth

and discovery – and in the process instruct me on my own.

robert knezevic, vice president, sesame workshop, new york

this inevitable collusion makes you humbler and kinder and more

aware of how hard it can be for many people – for all of us, if we are

honest – to make the way we live congruent in every way with what

we believe and hope for the future.

The greatest reward of trying to live congruently is that you begin

to respect yourself more. A major part of the hopelessness is the

unspoken belief that everyone is so involved in the “system” that it is

impossible to do something real or useful. This has, of course, some

uncomfortable truth in it. It is also true that we still have a great

many areas in which we can step up and make choices that make a

difference and give us empowerment, in both small and large issues.

It is essential to the success of sacred activism. It cannot be given to

you; it has to be earned individually.

Finding that you can become more congruent in all of your

choices restores to you a living sense that things in general can be

changed and that conditions in the world can be transformed.

As I look back on my life’s work, there are small victories left un-

achieved in pursuit of grand victories which will not be obtained in

the absence of small victories. Grand victories, big as they are, need

small victories to sit on so that their greatness can be clearly seen.

Small victories are great too: consider achieving them first. It’s like

the Kingdom of God: you can’t grasp its entirety without mastering

the daily acts of love and kindness towards one another.

My very latest appointment and call to service has been by His

Holiness Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, founder of the Art of Living, as director

to the board of the International Association of Human Values for

the Art of Living. This global organisation nurtures and promotes

basic human values and believes that unless an individual’s spirit is

uplifted one cannot be an instrument for positive change in society.

“the greatest reward of trying to live congruently

is that you begin to respect yourself more.”

Yvonne with Y ithRobert Knezevic

part 1


awakening my soul







infinite grace: nolitha’s 12 215

I am privileged and honoured to be entrusted with this awesome life

purpose of being a teacher. My service and where I go to from here is

to acknowledge my journey filled with all its lessons learnt, mistakes

made, successes and achievements, tears and smiles, pleasure and

pain.

I am inspired by the ancient wisdom contained in the symbol of a

cycle, the perfect representation of life – without beginning, without

end, through Birth, Death and Rebirth, all things begin and end, and

then begin again – as does the universe.

My personal charter, which I wish to leave with you, is contained

in the concept of NOLITHA’S 12. Nolitha is an isiXhosa word which

means Mother of Light, and the number 12 is a number of spiritual

significance. These are the pillars with which I start and end my

day and which have come to represent my acknowledgement of the

Infinite Grace of the Divine that has become ever-present in my life.

chapter 24

infinite grace: nolitha’s 12

“in the attitude of silence the soul finds the

path in a clearer light, and what is elusive

and deceptive resolves itself into crystal

clearness.” mahatma gandhi

Hil

ary

Kro

mb

erg

part 1


awakening my soul







217

5. Savouring the moment, sensing the wonder in now, singing our

song, serving fully, shaping up for the marathon of life, strengthening

our resources, standing up and being counted, satisfying our thirst

for life, sealing our divine contract, sharing our wisdom, stopping and

listening, smelling the roses, soothing our inner self daily, sparkling

and shining our light, steering ourselves in the right direction,

spraying our genius generously, stretching our mind, body and soul,

stripping away the small stuff, stroking grace in everything we do and

switching on to the truth

6. Listening to our inner voice and being still – taking ourselves to

our inner power and inner knowledge to look, love, light, learn, live,

leave a legacy, lead from inside, let go and let it be

7. Giving our body, mind and spirit balance and being fully aware of

every moment

8. Serving ourselves and others whilst living our best life and loving

ourselves and others

9. Focusing on our calling and doing what is true to us

10. Enjoying the moment: having fun and laughter, knowing that

every moment is special and cannot be repeated

11. Inspiring and creating our master plan, igniting our passion and

innovating our solutions in order to hold onto our character

12. Using our strength to change what we can, and our wisdom to

leave what we can’t change, and surrendering to our Creator.

Every human being has a unique genius. Our individual inner

power and infinite wisdom is always with us. All we need to do is tap

into it, if we are to stay aware and fully embrace the call to dance to

our inner rhythm, and the rhythm of the universe, and so be free.

N urture

O bserve

L isten

I nspire

T rust

H ope

A ct

S erve

The 12 pillars are a culmination of the lessons on my journey and

I believe that through a process of engaging them, they will support

your journey to awakening.

1. Acting audaciously, admitting the truth, accepting and

embracing what is, admiring our greatness and that of others

2. Radiating faith, trust and belief in the Divine while looking for

cues that assist us to make choices

3. Envisioning our destination and embarking on our lifelong

marathon with grace

4. Counting our blessings and having gratitude for what we already

have

let it be and so be it

love, light and l aughter

“every human being has a unique genius. … all we

need to do is tap into it …”

219218

Grace and Gratitude, Love and Light to all souls, past and present,

who journeyed with me to the Evolution of Higher Consciousness –

beyond space, time and bounds.

Eternal gratitude to my Gurus, Masters, Teachers, Medical Doctors,

Healers, Leaders, Pastors and Ambassadors of Hope from all walks of

life who walked the path with me. I am grateful for the knowledge,

wisdom, resources, techniques and tools that they shared with me.

They taught me about love, how I should live fully through prayer,

meditation and service to my Creator and my fellow souls. They are

true icons who literally and figuratively held my hand during my

healing journey.

In recognition of every soul who heeded the call and who prayed

for me across the globe. A special mention to: the Art of Living,

Brahma Kumaris, Demartini Institute, Insight Training Centre, The

Journey transformative techniques, the Catholic Church, the Anglican

Church, the Methodist Church, Hindu Temples, Zionist Churches,

Bronkhorstspruit Buddhist Temple and many others.

A special mention to Howard Thomas who inspired the vision of

an e-book and challenged my thinking to go beyond what I thought

was possible.

acknowledgements

love, light and laughter

A big thank you to my employer, the South African Broadcasting

Corporation, and especially all my bosses and colleagues, past and

present, for giving me the physical space to manifest who I am and

for the understanding, compassion and support that they showed me

whilst I was searching for my true path.

Thanks to Jive Media Africa for their patience and hard work, and

for shaping my story into a beautifully woven tapestry of Grace.

A special mention to Jethro Edwards of Punctu8 for doing such a

wonderful job on the website – I am in awe of his talent.

Gratitude to Gordon Franks and my nephew Nthatisi Mokoena for

turning the song in my heart into Rhythms of Grace. Gordon taught

me to listen to the sound of my heart and breath which forever

connect us to the Mother of all creation, and to the sounds of planet

Earth.

Thanks to Rehad Desai who translated my journey into visuals

that will live beyond my days. Rehad awakened rigorous honesty and

assisted me to confront my life with truth. He helped me to learn to

heal through tears, love and laughter.

I would also like to express my deepest thankfulness to my editor,

Gloria Ananda Britain and my Project Manager Monique Garden for

both being consciously blissful. Gratitude to them both for running

things with precision, sensitivity, humour and focus. Without their

openness, wisdom, willingness and patience this book would not

have been published. Their compassion, insight, intuitiveness, love,

skill and experience enabled my journey to move beyond being just a

story and to become the book you are holding today.

I would like to acknowledge the Readers who patiently waited

for my story to be told. It is my belief that the readers who are on

the same road that I was will be inspired and learn from my lessons,

from my faith and courage, from the mistakes that I made and the

vision I had. I trust that they will also learn from the successes and

hopefully receive insight, awareness and light from the in-between

moments. It is my sincere wish that as they engage my thoughts, they

rediscover their own healing solutions.

221220

Following her successful leadership in education broadcasting,

Yvonne headed up the SABC’s Content Hub, overseeing a broad

spectrum of programming genres. At the apex of work in this role,

she was overseeing the conceptualisation and broadcasting of more

than 800 programmes. During this time her work was recognised

through more than 80 local and international awards in just

over two and a half years. Amongst these are: an Emmy Award of

Recognition for Hosting the Semi-final round of the International

Emmys; FEPACI (Pan African Federation of Filmmakers): a Recognition

Award for services rendered. After her double stroke, Yvonne was

appointed Executive Manager: Innovation and Editorial. In this role,

she supports content houses across various media platforms which

express, celebrate and affirm South African and African stories.

Yvonne’s passion for weaving and positioning the African tapestry in

a global context represents her quest for making Africa’s great stories

widely known.

Yvonne’s academic qualifications include a Master of Arts

(University of Stellenbosch, South Africa), a Materials Development

Certificate (Thames Valley University, United Kingdom), Bachelor

of Arts Hons (Wits University, South Africa, 1992), a Bachelor of

Arts in Education (Honours) (Wits University), Bachelor of Arts with

distinction in Education (UNISA, South Africa), a Senior Secondary

Teachers Diploma (Soweto College). She has recently obtained

a Certificate in Occupationally Directed Education & Training

Development Practices – NQF 4 (Maccauvlei Learning Academy).

Yvonne has served as a board member of various international

and national boards, including: International Public Television; Basel

Forum; Sithengi Board (International Film and TV Festival); Academy

of Television, Arts and Sciences; Oscar Selection Committee; Chowac

(Christ Haven of Workers Adult Literacy Centre) and Chief Examiner

at the IEB. She has recently been appointed Chair of the Board of the

International Association of Human Values.

Yvonne Kgame is a professional with twenty-eight years of

experience as a leader and senior executive in local and international

print publishing and public broadcasting at the South African

Broadcasting Corporation (SABC). Yvonne is also a teacher, chief

examiner, mentor, inspirational speaker and researcher and is

currently The Executive: Innovations and Editorial Manager of Local

Content at the SABC.

During the period of South Africa’s transition to democracy,

Yvonne provided insightful leadership in educational broadcasting.

The collective work of her and the team she led has been recognised

through 150 international and local awards, and the development

of strategic partnerships resulting in a number of co-productions.

Among the most prestigious awards she has received are: the

Peabody Award, the CBA Broadcasting Award for Outstanding

Children’s programmes, and four awards in Italy including the Grand

Jury Prize. She was nominated for a South African Feather Award in

her personal capacity. She received an award from Images and Voices

of Hope, an international organisation focusing on International

Dialogues for Thought Leaders in Media – Journalism.

about the author

223222

Albom, Mitch. 2008. For One More Day. NewYork: Hyperion Books.

Allen, Marc. 2008. The Greatest Secret of All: Moving Beyond Abundance to True Fulfillment.Navato, CA: New World Library.

Allen, Marc. 2011. The Greatest Secret of All: Simple Steps to Abundance, Fulfillment, and a Life Well Lived. Novato, CA: New WorldLibrary.

Art of Living Foundation.

www.artofliving.orgBabits, Marty. 2009. The Power of the Middle

Ground: a Couple’s Guide to Renewing your Relationship. Amherst, NY: PrometheusBooks.

Bays, Brandon. 2002. The Journey: a Practical Guide to Healing your Life and Setting Yourself Free. New York: Atria. www.thejourney.com

Chopra, Deepak. 2006. Life after Death: the Burden of Proof. New York: Harmony Books.

Demartini, John F. 2006. Count Your Blessings: The Healing Power of Gratitude and Love. London: Hay House. See also www.drdemartini.com

Demartini, John F. 2009. Count your Blessings.London: Hay House.See also www.drdemartini.com

Drummond, Norman. 2004. The Spirit of Success: How to Connect your Heart to your Head in Work and Life. London: Hodder Mobius.

Exley, Helen. 2001. A Special Gift of Peace & Calm.Watford: Exley.

Falcao, Luis Miguel. 2007. A School Called Earth. Johannesburg: Zulu Planet Publishers.

Foundation for Inner Peace. 1992. A Course in Miracles. 2nd Edition. Glen Ellen, CA:Foundation for Inner Peace. See also www.facim.org.

Gautier, Francois. 2007. Guru of Joy: Sri Sri RaviShankar & the Art of Living. Carlsbad CA: Hay House.

Gibran, Kahlil. 1981. The Treasured Writings of Kahlil Gibran. Secaucus NJ: Castle Books.

Gibran, Kahlil and Bushrui, Suheil B. 2008.Kahlil Gibran: a Spiritual Treasury. Oxford: Oneworld Publications.

Harvey, Andrew. 2009. The Hope: a Guide to Sacred Activism. Carlsbad, CA: Hay House.www.hayhouse.com

references

Hudson, Trevor. 2004. Resurrection of Love: Finding hope beyond our tears. Farnham,Surrey: Struick Christian Books.

Hudson, Trevor and Kelsey, Morton T. 2000.Journey of the Spirit: Meditations for the Spiritual Seeker. New York: Paulist Press.

Icamagu Institute.

www.icamaguinstitute.co.zaInsight Training Centre – the Centre of Light.

Workshops: Turning Point®, Joyspring® and The Mile®. www.insighttc.org

International Association for Human Values.

www.iahv.org.Janki, Dadi. 2004. Inside Out: a Better Way of

Living, Learning, and Loving. New Delhi:Sterling Paperbacks.See also www.bkwsu.com.

Oriah Mountain Dreamer. 1999. The Invitation.San Francisco: HarperONE. The quote from the poem “The Invitation” by Oriah Mountain Dreamer is from this book. All rights reserved. Presented with permission of the author. www.oriah.org

Osho. 2004. Joy. New York: St. Martin’s Griffin.

Pohle, Nance C and Selvover, Ellen L. 1999. Awakening the Real You: Awareness Through Dreams and Intuition. Virginia Beach, VA:A.R.E. Press.

Sharma, Robin. 2002. Who will Cry when you Die? Life Lessons from the Monk who sold his Ferrari.Carlsbad, CA: Hay House.See also www.robinsharma.com.

Sharma, Robin. 2003. The Saint, the Surfer, and the CEO: a Remarkable Story about Living your Heart’s Desires. Carlsbad, CA: Hay House. See also www.robinsharma.com.

Sister Nivedita Academy.www.niveditar.tripod.com/main.htm.

Swami Bhakti Tirtha. (a.k.a. Swami

Krishnapananda) 1996. Leadership for an Age of Higher Consciousness. Washington DC:Hari-Nama Press.

Targ, Russell and Hurtak, J.J. 2006. The End of Suffering: Fearless Living in Troubled Times.Charlottesville, VA: Hampton Roads Pub.

224

Africa 15, 52, 61, 69, 91, 101, 104, 111-113,

139, 149, 161, 166, 172, 174-176, 195,

206, 208

Allen, Marc 13

Art of Living 54, 59, 65, 165-169, 177, 206,

211-212, 218, 222

awakened, awakening 13, 26, 39, 46, 49, 52,

61, 79, 134-141, 143, 155, 193, 197,

199, 216, 219, 223

Banai, Dr Baruch 10-11, 30, 127-129, 133-

135

Bays, Brandon 49, 52-53, 222

Bhana, Dr Sindeep 54

Bible 32, 63, 95-96

Bracks, Peter 82, 102r

Brahma Kumaris 2, 145-146, 148-150, 218

brain scan 18, 25, 28

brain surgeon 27

breakthrough 52

Britain, Gloria 22, 219

broadcaster 10, 15, 61r

Catholic 49-50, 77, 86, 103, 105, 110-111,

116, 218

Centre of Light 30, 128, 223

Chirwa 81-82, 89, 104, 106-107, 109

Chirwa, Jabu 30, 74-76, 101

Chirwa, Joyce 74, 78

Chirwa, Maureen 74, 77

Chirwa, Pinky 74, 78, 91

Chirwa, Shadrack (Shady) 74, 76

Chirwa, Victoria (Vicky) 74-75

Chopra, Deepak 154-155, 222

Consciousness 10-11, 66, 175, 218, 223

Content Hub 65, 68, 165, 220

Course in Miracles 155, 222

Creator 2, 6, 15, 17, 26, 31, 86, 120-121, 138,r

183, 185, 193, 217-218

Daya, Pratiba 148-149

Demartini, Dr John 49-52, 113, 170, 218, 222

Exley, Helen 222

forgiveness 3, 44, 49-50, 53, 86

Foundation for Inner Peace 155, 222

Galombik, Nicola 22

Gandhi, Mahatma 215

Glomus tumour 26r

grace 1-4, 6-7, 9-11, 15, 25-26, 31-32, 55,

59, 65, 74, 77, 84, 86, 100, 117, 119,

121, 123, 127, 131, 143, 148, 150, 161,

165, 168, 170, 176, 179, 181-183, 185,189, 193-194, 206, 215-219

Harvey, Andrew 183, 203, 222

heritage 102, 205-206

Hlongwane, Jacqui 22-23, 195

hospital 9, 18-23, 26-27, 30-31, 35, 39, 41,51-52, 54, 62-63, 66-67, 89, 92, 119, 177, 181

ICU 21, 27, 30, 39, 49, 65, 67, 128

Infinite Grace 10-11, 183, 215

Insight Training Centre 65, 128, 218, 223International Association for Human

Values 165, 211, 223

James 74, 76-77

Jameson, Angie 54

Janki, Dadi 2, 145-148, 161, 223

Johannesburg 3, 16-17, 93, 99, 148, 173, 187, 221-222

Kahlil Gibran 8, 123, 222

Kgame 4-5, 9-10, 16, 18-19, 37, 115, 118-119, 121, 175, 220-221

Kgame, Katlego 3, 19, 28, 40-44, 75, 112, 120, 168, 221

Kgame, Peter 5, 8-9, 16-19, 26, 28, 33-37, r

43-44, 115-123, 168, 221

Kgame, Phologo 116-117

Kgame, Thokozane 5, 19-23, 29, 37, 39, 43, 46-47, 77, 93-97, 168, 183, 221

Kgame, Tshepo 5, 19, 21, 28, 34, 42-43, 54-55, 168, 221

Knezevic, Robert 213

Krishnapada, Swami 66

London 33, 40, 107, 112, 222

Macmillan 113, 187

Madison 76-77

Mageza 52, 153-154

Mageza, Tanasa 52-54, 137, 141, 153-156, 158-159

Makeba, Miriam 46, 128-129

Mandela, Nelson 91, 211

Marianhill 111

Marus, Dr 27-28, 30r

Mashinini, Emma 3

Mokgata, Mandisa 186

Moloto, Judge Bakone 2

MRI 26, 130

Muelenaere, Dr Robbie 35

Nadler, Paul 142-143

Naidoo, Kamscilla 23, 62, 66-67

Ndinisa, Kotini 5, 82

neurologist 18, 26

Ngcobo, Kethiwe 67-68, 201

Ngcobo, Lauretta 2

Ntsiki 5, 19, 21, 23, 39, 47, 183, 221

Oriah Mountain Dreamer 46, 78-79, 223r

Osho 46, 61, 223

Paramananda, Sri Swami 25

Pavadai, Vanishree 166-167

Philia Kaya 3

Pillay, Dr S 3, 30-31, 34-35

radiologist 27

Ravi Shankar, His Holiness Sri Sri 165-167,

209-210, 212-213, 222

Rees, Michelle 5, 23, 62, 64

Rodgers, Judy 161-162

SABC 22, 28, 45, 56, 62, 65-66, 108, 113,

128, 130, 139, 142, 150, 165, 173, 220

Sacred Activism 183-184, 222

Sadhu Rangarajan 175, 177, 185

service 7, 42, 61-62, 86, 131, 146, 165, 167,

179, 181, 184, 189-190, 192-193, 197-

198, 203, 206, 209, 212, 215, 218

Sharma, Robin 15, 39, 99, 141, 156-157, 223

Shoniwa, Francie 3, 187

Singh, Yashika 69, 174, 177, 185-186

South African Broadcasting Corporation 15,

219-220

spirit 7, 9, 32, 44, 57, 66, 75, 78, 86-87, 91-

93, 105, 141, 143, 156-159, 174, 190,

192-193, 204, 212, 217, 222-223

spiritual 2, 4, 11, 55, 66, 95-96, 119, 141,

145, 148, 150, 170, 175, 177, 186, 190,

194, 204, 209, 215, 222-223

stroke 9, 19-20, 23, 25-27, 29-30, 35, 41,

43-44, 49, 54, 63-64, 67, 69, 74, 76-77,

109, 117, 121-122, 135, 138, 142-143,

147, 153-155, 159, 167, 176-177, 187,

194, 221

The Journey 6, 49, 52-54, 59, 100, 218, 222

therapy 36, 137-138, 141-142, 156

Tokalon, Christopher 156-157r

tumour 26-27, 29-30, 34, 52, 54, 56, 64, 69, r

74, 130, 158, 168, 186, 189

Vuyo 37, 46, 75-77

WITS (Witwatersrand University) 3, 30-31,

112, 221

World Cultural Festival 210-211

index


inf

init

e g

ra

ce

Yv

on

ne

Bu

sis

iwe

kg

am

e




Infinite Grace is a celebratory and inspiring story about a soul’s awakening and a second chance at life. After surviving a double stroke caused by a very large Glomus Tumour, Yvonne Kgame, a driven, self-confessed workaholic in the pressurised world of broadcasting, pondered the universal questions: Who am I? Why am I here and how do I fulfill my life purpose?

















“Yvonne is a

perfect example

of an earth angel,

channelling god’s

love, light and

healing”

9 780620 527583

ISBN 978-0-620-52758-3









Cover_Finished_Art_rev1.indd 1 2012/03/06 4:26 PM


inf

init

e g

ra

ce

Yv

on

ne

Bu

sis

iwe

kg

am

e





















“Yvonne is a

perfect example

of an earth angel,

channelling god’s

love, light and

healing”

9 780620 527583

ISBN 978-0-620-52758-3











inf

init

e g

ra

ce

Yv

on

ne

Bu

sis

iwe

kg

am

e





















“Yvonne is a

perfect example

of an earth angel,

channelling god’s

love, light and

healing”

9 780620 527583

ISBN 978-0-620-52758-3










infinite grace faeeza fakir infinite graceinfinite grace a miraculous awakening infinite grace...

Documents