humorous bumper stickers for adults and other idiots

Humorous Bumper Stickers!

For Adults & Other Idiots

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0 To 60 in 15 Minutes!

100% Irony Free

100,000 Sperm And You Were The Fastest?

186,000 Miles/Second: It’s Not Just A Good Idea, It’s The Law!

3 kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.

333: I'm only half evil.

7 Days Without Jesus Makes One Weak.

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Laughter Yoga | God Does Have a Sense of Humor | 1000 Hilarious Ways to Screw with People's Heads

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

A church alive is worth the surprise!

A clean car is a sign if sick mind.

A day without sunshine is like night.

A fool and his money are a girl's best friend.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

A Mouse Is An Elephant Built By The Japanese

A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.

A Waist Is A Terrible Thing To Mind

Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.

Above all else, sky.

According to my best recollection, I don't remember.

According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.

Adjure obfuscation.

Adrenalin is my drug of choice.

Adults are just kids with money.

Age is a high price to pay for maturity

Air Pollution Is A Mist-Demeaner

Alcohol and calculus don't mix. DON'T DRINK AND DERIVE!

All generalizations are false.

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.

All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets.

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All Men Are Idiots... And I Married Their King.

All my drinking buddies have a racing problem.

All stressed out and nobody to choke!

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

Allow me to introduce my selves.

Always Avoid Alliterations. Always.

Always Remember: You’re Unique, Just Like Everyone Else.

AMERICA-Love It Or Leave It!

Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it.

An Apple a day keeps Windows away.

And I Should Care, Why?

And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

ANGER IS MERELY DEPRESSION WITHOUT ENTHUSIASM!

ANKH if you Love Dianne.

Another brilliant mind ruined by higher education.

Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.

Anything Free Is Worth What You Pay For It

Anything not worth doing is not worth doing well.

Apathy: I could take it or leave it.

Archaeologists will date any old thing.

Are you following Jesus this close?

As a matter of fact, I DID sleep in these clothes.

As If!





As Long As There Are Tests, There Will Be Prayer In Public Schools.

Ask me about micro waving cats for fun and profit.

Ask me about my compost pile.

Ask me about my vow of silence.

Ass, gas or grass, nobody rides for free.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Auntie Em: Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. - Dorothy

Avoid Hangovers; Stay Drunk

Ax Me About Ebonics

Baby on bored.

Back the badge!

Back Up My Hard Drive? How Do I Put It In Reverse?

BAD COP! NO DONUT!

BARBIE AIN'T HERE!

Be alert. The world needs more Lerts.

Be Human.

Be nice society already sucks.

Be Nice To Your Kids; They’ll Pick Out Your Nursing Home.

Be the kind of friend you'd want.

Be the kind of person you always wanted your parents to be.

Be ye fishers of men. You catch them - He will clean them.

Beam me up Jesus.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...





Beer doesn't make you fat. It makes you lean… against doors, tables, walls.

Beer is now cheaper than gas. Drink, don't drive!

Beer: Helping people have sex since 1865.

Beer: It’s Not Just For Breakfast Anymore.

Beer: Making woman look better since 1965.

Beer: The Reason I Get Up Each Afternoon

Before giving someone a piece of mind be sure you have enough to spare!

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

Behind every successful man there is a woman, behind every unsuccessful man there are two.

Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!

Believe in Darwin; cancer cures smoking.

Better Cowboys Wear Bigger Hats!

Better half a slogan...

Bill Clinton 89% Fact Free

Bite Me!

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

Blondes Tease. Brunettes Please. But Redheads…

Blow your nose, your horn works fine.

Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel

Boldly Going Nowhere!

BOMB SQUAD: If you see me running you better catch up!

BooYah!





Born Free… Taxed to Death.

Boycott shampoo, demand real poo instead.

Boys Lie!

Buckle up... it makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your car

Bumper sticker in the year 2100: DISCO STILL SUCKS

But I Just Can’t Get My Head That Far Up My Ass!

Buy a gun support the constitution.

Buy a gun. Piss off the liberals.

Buy American!

Can I pay my Visa with my MasterCard?

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?

Can't Feed 'Em! Don't Breed Em'!

Careful, I’m not wearing clean underwear!

Carp In Denim = Fish in pants.

Cat: The Other White Meat

Cats make everything taste better.

CAUTION I BRAKE FOR HOOKERS.

Caution! Driver Legally Blonde!

CAUTION! I drive like you do!

Caution: I brake for no apparent reason.

CAUTION: This car will be left behind during rapture.

Change a life; make someone feel important.

Change is good… You go first!





Change Is Inevitable, Except From A Vending Machine!

Chaos, panic, and disorder… My work here is done.

Chemistry Professors Never Die, They Just Smell That Way!

Children are like farts: your own are just about tolerable but those of others are horrendous.

Clean up America. Kill a redneck!

Clones are people 2!

Coffee, Chocolate, Men. Some things are just better rich.

Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.

Cole’s Law: Thinly Sliced Cabbage

Conceive. Believe. Achieve.

Condoms are easier to change than diapers!

Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.

Confucius say "Man who stands on toilet is high on pot."

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Conserve toilet paper - use both sides.

Conserve toilet paper… Use a rabbit!

Conserve water - Shower with a friend!

Constipated People Don't Give A Shit.

Constipation causes people not to give a crap.

Corduroy pillows: They're making "Head" lines!

Could You Drive Any Better If I Shoved That Cell Phone Up Your Ass?

Cover Me I'm Changing Lanes!

Crap! This is a terrible time for the medications to wear off.





Custer got Siouxed.

Custer wore an Arrow shirt.

D.A.M.M.- Drunks Against Mad Mothers

DANGER: I drive like you do!

DARE to keep cops off doughnuts.

DARE to keep the CIA off drugs.

Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.

Death is life's way of telling you you're fired.

Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.

Death is the consequence of being alive.

Deep down, divers care.

Democrats = Bureaucrats: STUPID!

Despite The Cost Of Living, Have You Noticed How It Remains So Popular?

DETEST-de stuff de teacher gives de students when ya expect it de least!

Dewey, Skrewem, & Howe (Attorneys at Law)

Did you check if your horn works?

Did you just fart or did you always smell that way?

Diplomacy Is Saying “Nice Doggy” Until You Find A Rock!

Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way.

Disappointed? Too bad!

Divers get more tail.

Do I look like a freakin' People Person?

Do not believe in miracles - rely on them.





Do not believe in miracles? Pay Attention & Take Another Breath.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

Do not play a leap frog with a unicorn.

Do not put a question mark where God put a period.

Do they ever shut up on your planet.

Do unto others before they do unto you.

Do Vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Doctor's say I have a multiple personality, but we don't agree with that.

Does anal retentive have a hyphen?

Does The Name Pavlov Ring A Bell?

D'oh!

Don’t Drink And Drive! You Might Hit A Bump And Spill Your Drink.

Don’t Piss Me Off! I’m Running Out Of Places To Hide The Bodies.

Don’t Take Life Too Seriously; You Won’t Get Out Alive.

Don't Be Sexist1 Bitches Hate That!

Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.

Don't believe everything you think.

Don't bother honking or flashing your lights, I'm deaf and blind.

Don't come knocking if the car is rocking.

Don't delay, paint today!

Don't Drink and Drive!

Don't drink and park! Accidents cause people.

Don't drink to drown your sorrow. Sorrow knows how to swim.





Don't f*** with my head and I won't think with my dick!

Don't Follow me I am LOST!!!

Don't judge a book by its movie.

Don't laugh it's paid for.

Don't laugh; your daughter may be in back.

Don't let schooling get in the way of your education.

Don't make me go medieval on you.

Don't make me mad. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

Don't miss heaven for the world.

Don't play stupid with me... I'm better at it!

Don't rub the lamp unless you're ready for the genie.

Don't start with me you won't win!

Don't steal, the government hates competition.

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen.

Don't trust women.

Don't wish for it… Work for it.

Don't worry about life; you're not going to survive it, anyway.

Double your drive space. Delete Windows.

DRIVE IT LIKE YOU STOLE IT!

Driver carries less than $20 IN AMMUNITION.

Driver carries no cash. He's married.

Drop Dead!





Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.

Due to budget cuts, light at end of tunnel will be out.

Dyslexics are teople poo.

Dyslexics Have More Fnu.

Dyslexics of the world, untie!

Dyslexics Untie!

E. coli Happens

Each day is a gift. Know Who Gave It To You?

Eagles Don't Flock.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

EARTH FIRST! We'll log the other planets later.

EARTH FIRST! We'll strip-mine the other planets later.

Earth is full. Go home.

Earth Is The Insane Asylum For The Universe.

Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway

Editing Is A Rewording Activity.

Egrets? I've had a few.

Elvis has left the planet.

Elvis Is Dead And I’m Not Feeling Too Good Myself.

Energizer Bunny Arrested; Charged With Battery!

Enjoy life it's not a dress rehearsal.

Entropy Isn’t What It Used To Be

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.





ESCHEW OBFUSCATION. (means avoid confusion / over complication)

Eternity: Smoking or Non-Smoking?

Ever Stop To Think And Forget To Start Again?

Every silver lining has a cloud.

Every thing is on loan from the government until you can't pay your taxes.

Every time you open your mouth, some idiot starts talking.

Everybody looks brave holding a machine gun.

Everyone Has A Photographic Memory. Some Just Don’t Have Film.

Everyone Is Entitled To My Opinion!

Everything i need to know i learned in prison.

Everything is possible just not too probable.

Everything Is Somewhere.

Every time you speak you make someone dumber for listening to you.

Excess is never too much in moderation.

EXIT

F U Cn Rd Ths U Cnt Spl Wrth A Dm!

Faster than a speeding ticket.

Fat chicks make my car scrape!

Fat people are hard to kidnap.

Few women admit their age, few men act it.

Fight Socialism… Vote Republican!

First National Bank of Dad; Sorry, closed.

First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, and then the suffering...





First things first, but not necessarily in that order.

Fishermen don't die, they just smell that way.

Five days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.

Flies spread disease, keep yours closed!

FLORIDA: Home of Electile Dysfunction

FLORIDA: If you don't like the way we vote then take I-95 and visit one of the other 56 states.

FLORIDA: If you think we can't vote, wait till you see us drive.

FLORIDA: Relax, Retire, And Re-vote.

FLORIDA: We count more than you do.

FLORIDA: We're number one! Wait! Recount!

FLORIDA: Where your vote counts and counts and counts.

Follow that car, Godzilla! And step on it!

Follow your dreams, except the one where you’re at school in your underwear.

For a small town, this one sure has a lot of assholes!

For him to get an idea, it would take a surgical process.

Forbidden fruits create many jams.

Forget about World Peace… Just Visualize Using Your Damn Turn Signal!

Frankly, Scallop, I don't give a clam.

Friends don't let friends drive naked!

Friends don't let friends miss out on heaven.

Friends Help You Move. Real Friends Help You Move The Body.

Front Bumper: If you can read this, I didn't hit you hard enough.

Front bumper: Run, Hilary, Run!





Get over it!

Get Rid of the Bra! It will pull the wrinkles from your face.

Getting on your feet requires getting off your butt.

GIMMIEABRAKE!

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Give blood and you too can get a free bumper sticker.

Give Me Ambiguity Or Give Me Something Else

Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.

Go On, I will See You At The Next Light.

God Bless Our Troops.

God does not call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

God gave man a brain and a penis and only enough blood to operate one at a time.

God loves everyone, but probably prefers "fruits of the spirit" over "religious nuts!"

God made Adam and Eve NOT Adam and Steve.

God made us sisters; Prozac made us friends.

God Must Love Stupid People, He Made So Many

God wants spiritual fruits, not religious nuts.

Got Brains?

Got Goth?

Graduate Soon! Millions On Welfare Depend On You!

Gravity always gets me down.

Gravity is a myth. The Earth sucks.

Gravity: It’s not just a good idea, it's the LAW!





Gravity: It's not just a good idea. It's the law.

Grow Your Own Dope, Plant A Man!

Growing old is inevitable...Growing up is optional.

Gun control is a steady hand.

Gun control today, Total control tomorrow.

Guns don't kill people. Postal workers do.

Guys: No Shirt, No Service! Gals: No Shirt, No Charge!

Ham radio operators do it with greater frequency.

HANG UP & DRIVE!

Happiness is Clinton's face on a milk carton.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!

Have a nice day... somewhere else.

Have you bitch slapped an environmentalist today?

Have you ever had dejavu? Have you ever had deja vu?

Have you ever noticed how nothing is impossible for those who don't have to do it?

Have you seen Elvis? 1-800-GET-A-LIFE

HE IS ABLE WHO THINKS HE IS ABLE!

HE WHO ANGERS YOU, CONQUERS YOU.

He who angers you, controls you!

He who farts in church sits on his own pew.

He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit!

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

He’s Not Dead, He’s Electroencephalographically-Challenged





Heart Attacks ... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.

Heavily medicated for your safety.

Heck is for people that don't believe in Gosh.

Help Stamp Out And Eradicate Superfluous Redundancy

Help starve a feeding bureaucrat.

Help your local Search & Rescue. Get lost!

HELP, I AM LOST AND CANNOT FIND MY BEER!

Hey dumb ass I bought my own car, not mommy and daddy!

Hey idiot! You're driving a car, not a phone booth

Hey man, you live in America now... speak Spanish!

High beams were made to piss people off!

Hogwarts Dropout

HOME SCHOOL. Smarter than ever.

Honk If Anything Falls Off

Honk if the twins fall out.

Honk if you are a REAL blonde.

Honk if you hate noise pollution!

Honk if you hate peace and quiet.

Honk if you haven't slept with Clinton!

Honk if you like peace and quiet.

Honk if you love boy bands. Then drive into a tree.

HONK IF YOU LOVE GORE (use the button on your steering wheel)

Honk If You Love Peace And Quiet





Honk if you love Rush.

Honk If You Want To See My Finger!

Honk If you want to see my finger.

Honk if you've never seen a gun fired from a moving vehicle.

Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window.

Hope dies last!

Horn Broken ... Watch For Finger.

House Guarded By Shotgun 3 Days A Week. Guess Which Days.

Housework makes women ugly.

How about never? Is never good for you?

How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?

How do I set a laser printer to stun?

How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is lost?

How may I ignore you today?

How Much Deeper Would The Ocean Be Without Sponges?

How's my driving? Dial 1-800-YOU-SUCK

Huked on Foniks Werkd Fer Me.

Humpty Dumpty was pushed!

I admire gay men, they leave more women for me!

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

I always finish what I st

I am not infantile, you stinky poopy head.

I am not speeding I am qualifying.





I am overjoyed with whelm!

I am represented by the Law Firm of Dewey, Chedum, and Howe.

I am the English Teacher about whom your mother warned you.

I believe in getting in hot water; it keeps you clean.

I believe the Internet is an information source, not a lifestyle choice.

I Brake For No Apparent Reason.

I brake for…wait…AAAH!…NO BRAKES!!!!!

I break for........................OH S@#$% NO BRAKES

I can go from zero to bitch in 2.2 seconds.

I can handle pain until it hurts.

I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day and tomorrow doesn't look good either.

i can resist everything except temptation.

I can't get enough minimalism.

I can't go to work today. The voices told me to stay home and clean the guns.

I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.

I didn't believe in reincarnation in my last life, either!

I didn't climb all the way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To

I do work for food.

I Don’t Suffer From Insanity, I Enjoy Every Minute Of It

I don't decaf.

I don't do mornings.

I don't do requests.





I DON'T DRINK IT DULLS THE DRUGS.

I don't drive fast I fly low.

I don't find it hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.

I don't have a beer gut, I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs.

I don't have a license to kill, I have a learner's permit.

I don't know why I'm even out of bed.

I don't know, I don't care, and it doesn't make any difference.

I don't repeat gossip.

I don't think, therefore I am not.

I doubt, therefore I might be.

I drank what?

I drive far too fast to worry about cholesterol!

I Drive Like This To Piss You Off

I feel better after I wine a little.

I Feel Like I’m Diagonally Parked In A Parallel Universe

I fish! Therefore, I lie.

I fought the lawn, and the lawn won.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa all the time.

I gave up drugs, sex and booze. It was the worst 20 minutes of my life.

I Get Enough Exercise Just Pushin’ My Luck

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!

I Got A Gun For My Wife; Best Trade I Ever Made.

I got this car for my husband...not a bad trade.





I hate bumper stickers!

I have a degree in Liberal Arts! Do you want fries with that?

I have a perfect body. It's your vision that's defective.

I have always been crazy, but it kept me from going insane.

I have an attitude and I'm not afraid to use it.

I have an IQ in the top 2%. Who cares about the other 95%?

I have BAD PMS and GOOD BRAKES! You must be feeling very lucky today.

I have no desire for money. Its stuff that I want.

I have PMS and a handgun. Any questions?

I hear you lost your cat? Check under my tire.

I intend to live forever! So far, so good.

I just filled up my car with gasoline. Now it's worth $50.00.

I Just Got Lost In Thought. It Was Unfamiliar Territory.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.

I just love nonverbal communication!

I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?

I know my biology; it's your biology I don't know.

I Know What You’re Thinking And You Should Be Ashamed Of Yourself.

I know… I know… Pull over!

I laughed my butt off and I had a few inches to spare. Thanks!!

I left the womb for this?

I LIKE CATS! They taste like chicken.





I like you but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic particles.

I love animals - they taste great!

I love animals. I eat them and wear their skins.

I love animals. They're delicious.

I love my country but fear my government.

I love my job...shoot me now!

I love to give homemade gifts, which one of my kids do you want

I love Uranus.

I may be fat, but you're ugly and I can lose weight!

I may be slow; but I'm ahead of you.

I may have PMS, but you're still a dick!

I miss my wife, but my aim is getting better.

I Must Be A Proctologist Because I Sure Work With a Lot Of Assholes!

I must hurry! For there they go and I am their leader.

I need someone real bad. Are you real bad?

I Need Someone Really Bad. Are You Really Bad?

I never thought I'd miss Nixon.

I owe, I owe, so it's off to work I go.

I plan to live forever. So far, so good!

I poke badgers with spoons.

I press charges.

I pretend to work they pretend to pay me!

I put in contacts for this?





I R S: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

I read the Constitution for the articles.

I said "no" to drugs, but they didn't listen.

I see dumb people.

I should never have invented the electoral college. - Al Gore

i souport publik edekasion.

I still miss my ex-wife. But my aim is improving.

I suffer from a sexually transmitted disease: Children

I swerve for cats.

I talk to strangers!

I Think Feminists Are Cute!

I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.

I think your hard drive has a slipped disk.

I think, therefore I'm dangerous

I thought I was indecisive; now I'm not so sure.

I took a pain pill. Why are you still here?

I Took An IQ Test And The Results Were Negative.

I tried being normal once . . .I didn't like it.

I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

I Used To Be Indecisive. Now I’m Not Sure

I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.

I Used To Have A Handle On Life, But It Broke.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.





I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.

I used up all my sick days so I called in dead!

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

I WANT YOU to stay far away from me

I was an atheist until I realized I was.

I Was Born Brilliant; Education Ruined Me

I wasn't born a bitch; men like you made me that way.

I wish I could kill the sexiest person alive but suicide is a crime!

I wish I lived in New York, so I could have Voted Against Hilary!

I Wish I Was Barbie. That Bitch has EVERYTHING.

I wish I were a glow worm a glow worm is never glum, because how could you be unhappy when the sun shines out your bum?

I wonder if you would drive well if that cell phone were up your ass.

I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend On Me

I would give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

I would rather hunt with Dick Cheney than drive with Ted Kennedy.

I’m insured by the mafia, you hit me and we'll hit you.

I’m Just Driving This Way To Piss You Off.

I’m Not A Complete Idiot; Some Parts Are Missing.

I’m Out Of Bed And Dressed! What More Do You Want?

Iambic pentameter in motion.

I'd love to trade caller I.D. for "Caller I.Q."

I'd rather be a failure at something I love, than a success at something I hate.





I'd rather be fishing!

Idiots surround me!

If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport.

If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

If At First You Don't Succeed ... Blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.

If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0!

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving ain't for you.

If at first you don't succeed, why bother? Your honor student will take care of it.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

If catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults.

If Clinton is the answer, it must have been a stupid question.

If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane.

If God intended man to smoke, He would have set him on fire.

If God intended us to be vegetarians, why did he make animals out of meat?

If God is within, I hope he likes enchiladas!

If going to church makes you a Christian, does going into a garage make you a car?

If I get you advantage, can I take drunk of you?

If ignorance is bliss, then tourists are in a constant state of euphoria.

If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.

If I'm talking, everyone should be taking notes.

If It Ain’t Broken... Fix It ‘Til It Is

If it ain't broke, take it apart and fix it.

If it doesn't fit, force it; if it breaks, it needed replacement anyway.





If it is a man made world, why can't we remake it?

If it weren't for people like you, nobody else would have an above average IQ.

If it's not one thing, it's your mother.

IF ITS TOO LOUD YOUR TOO OLD

If it's tourist season, does that mean we can shoot them?

If life gives you peanuts, make peanut butter.

If life hands you a lemon, stuff your bra with it.

If life is just a game then I must have missed the kickoff.

If love is blind why is lingerie so popular?

If my car were a horse, I'd have to shoot it.

If something goes without saying… LET IT!

If the company's name is YELLOW, why are the trucks painted ORANGE?

If there is no God, who always pops up that next Kleenex?

IF THIS STICKER IS GETTING SMALLER, THE LIGHT IS PROBABLY GREEN

If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?

If We All Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?

If we are what we eat, I'm cheap, fast, and easy.

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?

If we outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns.

If you are feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.

If you are reading this you are reading off a gay internet site.

If you believe in telepathy, think about honking.

If you can do the time, you can do the crime.





If you can read this bumper sticker you are driving too close.

If you can read this I can deploy your air bag!

If you can read this I have lost my caravan.

If you can read this sign you must be a Florida Republican.

If you can read this thank a teacher.

If you can read this the bitch fell off.

If you can read this you are too close.

If you can read this you're in range.

If you can read this, I am parked.

If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.

If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.

If you can read this, roll me over.

If you can read this, THEN GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY!

If you can read this, you were hooked on phonics once.

If you can read this, you're not the president.

If you cannot convince them, confuse them.

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.

If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets.

If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.

If you can't read this, thank the teacher's union.

IF YOU CAN'T TAKE A JOKE TAKE A HIKE!

If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?





If you don't like my attitude, stop looking at my stickers!

If you don't like the news, go out and make some.

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.

If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.

If you feel attacked by feminism, it's probably a counter attack.

If you get any closer I'll fart!

If you have something to say, raise your hand. and place it over your mouth.

If you see this vehicle being operated in an unsafe manner, try to think of it as one more anomaly in the cosmic order.

If you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

If You Think I’m A Bitch, Wait Until You Meet My Mother!

If you think the car is dirty you should spend a night with the driver!

If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach you are aiming too high.

If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!

If you understand something today, it must be obsolete.

If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

If you were born again, would you have two belly buttons?

If you write "WASH ME" on my truck, I'll carve "RECESSITATE ME" on your chest!

If your gonna be a turd then go lie out in the yard.

If your ship hasn't come in… Swim out to it!

If you're against logging, try wiping your ass with plastic.

If you're happy and you know it see a shrink.

If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass.

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.





If you're rich, I’m single!

If you're stupid and you know it honk your horn.

I'll not stop!

Illiterate? Write For Free Help.

I'm 33 1/3 RPM in an iPod world.

I'm a member of the Redundancy Department of Redundancy.

I'm against ABORTION because I was once a fetus.

I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth!

I'm always late. My ancestors arrived on the June Flower.

I'm an English major: You do the math.

I'm an optimist, but I don't think it helps.

I'm back by popular demand.

I'm Canadian. It's like being American, but without the gun.

I'm Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult!

I'm feeling uppity!

I'm going compostal for the environment.

I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.

I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

I'm looking forward to regretting this!

I'm not a psychiatrist; I'm just an expert at being confused.

I'm not as dumb as you look.

I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

I'm not bossy, I just know what you should be doing.





I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.

I'm not driving fast… Just flying low.

I'm not littering.... I'm donating to the earth.

I'm not perfect, but I'm so close that it scares people.

I'm not really a driver I just play one on TV.

I'm not saying you're a monkey, but take this banana and scram.

I’m not tailgating I'm just trying to keep my bumper on.

I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

I'm not your monkey!

I'm objective; I object to everything.

I'm only a hypochondriac when I feel sick.

I'm only driving this way to piss you off.

I'm only here to ANNOY!!

I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?

I'm out of estrogen and I've got a gun!

I'm pink, therefore I'm SPAM.

I'm retired. Go around me.

I'm schizophrenic and so am I.

I'm serious; it was a joke.

I'm so far behind, I thought I was first.

I'm so hungry I am farting fresh air.

I'm still a hot babe, but now I come in flashes.

I'm supposed to back up my hard drive, but how do I put it into reverse?





I'm the kind of person my parents want me to stay away from.

I'm the product of a secret government project.

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't stick my head that far up my ass.

I'm with the band.

I'm wondering if you have any horns with goofy songs?

Impeach President Clinton and her husband too.

Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".

In America, anyone can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

In case of rapture, can I have your car?

In dog years, I'm dead!

In God we trust; all others must pay cash.

In theory, everything works.

Inflation is when the buck doesn't stop anywhere.

Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your kids!

Insanity: a small price to pay for sheer brilliance!

Inside every large program is a small program trying to get out.

Instead of concentrating on this bumper sticker, maybe you should be concentrating on the road!

IRS: Be Audit You Can Be

IRS: We’ve Got What It Takes To Take What You’ve Got.

Is it time for your medication or mine?

Is Uranus a black hole?





It could be worse. What if sex was fattening?

It doesn't matter what temperature a room is; it's always room temperature.

It takes a Viking to raze a village.

It takes more faith to believe that I came from a monkey than to believe that I came from God.

It took 40 years to make me look this good.

It’s been one of those days all week.

It’s Lonely At The Top, But You Eat Better.

It's a Macintosh; it's got an excuse.

It's a wonderful life.... With me.

It's all a pigment of your hallucination.

Its all fun and games until someone loses an eye.

Its always too early to quit.

It's bad luck to be superstitious.

It's been Monday all week.

It's easier to child-proof your gun than to bullet-proof your child.

IT'S IMPOLITE TO STARE

It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger.

Its not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't wanna be there when it happens.

It's not the size of the boat that matters; it's the motion in the ocean.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog!

It's time to pull over and let the air out of your brain.

I've been dieting for the past month, but all I lost was 31 days!!





I've given up trying to escape from reality; they always find me anyway.

I've heard about the evils of drinking beer, so I gave up reading.

I've lost my phone number. Can I have yours?

I've lowered my expectations to the point where they've already been met.

I've upped my standards, now up yours!

Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician

Jerry's dead, Phish sucks, get a job.

Jesus is coming. Look busy!

Jesus loves me, this I know. That is why I don't drive slow!

Jesus loves me. But you're his favorite.

Jesus loves you! Everybody else thinks you're a jerk.

Jesus saves lives and them redeems them for valuable prizes.

JESUS SAVES, he passes to Noah who shoots and SCORES!

Jesus saves. He uses double coupons.

Join the IRS (Be audit you can be)

Judge me all you want. Just keep the verdict to yourself!

Just be happy I'm not a twin.

Just be happy you are not a chicken!

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

Just plead the fifth, or drink it or either way.

Just say NO to negativity.

Just say no to sex with pro-lifers.

Karaoke bars combine two of the nation's greatest evils: people who shouldn't drink with people who shouldn't sing.





Keep America clean! Swallow your beer cans.

Keep honking while I reload.

Keep honking, I am reloading!

Keep on working, millions on welfare depend on you!

Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.

Kevorkian for Surgeon General

Kids in the back seat cause accidents. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

Kiss me, I'm toxic

Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and the world laughs at you.

Laughter: The Painless Heart Surgery.

Lawyers have feelings too (allegedly).

Learn from your parent's mistakes use birth control!

Learn Spanish! Jesus is coming.

Lets get along with me.

Let's skip the insults and get right down to your butt kicking!

Liberal Arts major: Will think for food.

Life is 10% what you make it and 90% how you take it.

Life is a glitch in the universal program; death is just the programmer's way of debugging.

Life is a lesson you'll learn it when you're through.

Life is a terminal disease.

Life is just one of those things.





Life is like a straw it sucks.

Life is short. So buy the shoes!

Life is too complicated in the morning.

Life is too short to worry about how short life is.

Life isn't weird; it's the people in it.

Life may suck, but it beats the alternative.

Life Sucks and it leaves some mean hickies!

Life would be easier if I had the source code.

Life. Its just a cereal.

Life's a beach, and then you drown.

Life's a bitch, and then you die.

Life's a garden, dig it.

Life's expensive; drive defensive.

Life's too short to dance with ugly people.

Life's way too short to stay on topic

Listen to the silence!

Live as long as you like. It won't shorten how long you're dead.

Live fast, die young, and leave a good-looking corpse behind.

Live long enough to be a problem to your kids.

Look before you open your eyes.

Look out! Behind you!

Lord, please save me from your followers.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.





Love for all, Hatred for none

Love is grand. Divorce is a hundred grand.

Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye opener.

Love: Where resistance is futile!

Low riders are for little boys who can't get it up.

LSD melts in your mind, not in your hands.

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

Make WAR, not SEX, it's safer!

Man made beer, God made pot you make the choice.

Maybe Jesus Loves You, But Everyone Else Thinks You’re An Asshole

Mean people suck.

Men are idiots and I married their king.

Men are like outhouse's, always taken or full of shit!

Men are like roses, watch out for all of the pricks.

Men are proof that women have a sense of humor.

MEN. Bigger. Stronger. Better.

Microbiology Lab: Staph Only!

Minds are like parachutes; they only function when open.

Mirrors can't talk. Luckily for you they can't laugh either.

Mistakes are proof that you are trying.

Money is the root of all evil. For more information send me $10.

Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch





Montana: At least our cows are sane!

Moooooove, I'm trying to speed!

Mop AND Glo: The floor wax used by Three Mile Island cleanup team.

Most Americans have Faith... You can tell by the Way They Drive

Most people planning to serve God at 11:00 die at 10:30!

Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young

Musicians Duet Better

My Airman fights for your honor student's freedom!

My boss is like a diaper; full of shit and always on my ass!

My car is a status symbol. The symbol of me being poor!

My child beat up your honor student!

My child is an honor student at the state penitentiary.

My child serves honor rolls at Baker College.

My child sold your HONOR STUDENT the answers to the test.

My child was inmate of the month at the County Jail.

My company treats me like a mushroom; they feeds me shit, and keeps me in the dark.

My dog can lick anyone!

My dog is smarter than your honor student.

My drinking team has a bowling problem.

My favorite color is chocolate.

My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom.

My idea of a team effort is a lot of people doing whatever I say.

My IQ came back negative!





My karma ran over your dogma.

My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.

My Kid Had Sex With Your Honor Student

My mind is like a steel trap; rusty and illegal in most states.

My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

My mother was a moonshiner, and I love her still.

My next car is a Bentley.

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

My other auto is a 9MM.

My other car is a piece of shit.

My other car sticker is funny.

My other ride is your mom.

My other toy has tits.

My other vehicle is a Romulan War bird!

My Reality Check Just Bounced

My son can kick your son's honor student butt.

My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her... or something like that.

My wife said "If you go hunting or fishing one more time I'm going to leave you" I'm sure going to miss her.

My wife said if I watch one more Yankees game she is leaving. God I'll miss her.

My wife says I should get up and go to work, but the voices in my head say I should stay home and clean my guns.

National Atheist's Day Is April 1





National Sarcasm Society. (Like we need your support)

National Spelling Bee Runer-Up

Nebraska: At least our cows are sane.

Never believe generalizations.

Never cut what you can untie.

Never eat more than you can lift.

Never judge a girl by her bumper sticker.

Never miss a good opportunity to shut up.

Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

New Mexico: Cleaner than regular Mexico.

Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

No glove no love.

No matter how bad it gets, It can always get worse.

No matter where you go; you're there.

No prohibiting allowed!

No Radio! Already Stolen!

No Sense Being Pessimistic. It Wouldn’t Work Anyway.

No soup for you.

Nobody's perfect. I'm a Nobody.

Nobody's ugly after 2 am!

Non-Partisan. Non-Republican.

Not a RULES type of girl.





Not all who wander are lost.

Nothing Is Foolproof To A Sufficiently Talented Fool

Nothing is illegal until you get caught.

Nothing is impossible to the person that doesn't have to do it.

Now That You Are Kissing My Bumper... Wanna Get Married?

Nuke the Whales! We'll hunt them at night.

NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezing, coughing, why-the-hell-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.

Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most!

Oh look! just 2,852,677 more days til I start caring what you think.

Oh well, I guess this is just going to be one of those lifetimes.

Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?

Old age comes at a bad time.

On a passing motorcycle: If you can read this, my wife fell off!

On the journey of life, I choose the psycho path.

On The Other Hand You Have Different Fingers!

On your mark, get set, go away!

One more repossession and I’ll be debt free!

Only in America can a Vietnam Vet live in a cardboard box on the street and a draft dodger live in the White House.

Optimism: Waiting for a ship to come in when you haven't sent one out.

Out of my mind! Back in five minutes.

Overdrawn? But I still have checks left!

Overpopulation: Too much of a good thing.





Pain is inevitable! Misery is optional.

Pardon My Driving. I’m Reloading

Park in rear

Pay good teachers good money or raise an idiot!

People before profits! Like that ever happens.

People like you are the reason people like me need medication.

People who think they know it all really annoy those of us who do.

People who think they know what they're doing are especially annoying to those of us who do.

Plagiarism is copying from one source; research is copying from two or more.

Please don't hit me I'm a pedestrian trapped in a car.

Please Tell Your Pants It's Not Polite To Point.

Please! Do not feed the politicians ego!

Police line. DO NOT CROSS.

Pol-I-Tics: Poly meaning many; ticks meaning small blood sucking parasites.

Practice safe government. Use kingdoms.

Practice safe lunch: Use a condiment.

Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.

Procrastinate now.

Proud mother of a delinquent child!

Proud parent of a honer student at Cutlery College.

Pull my finger. I Double Dog Dare You!

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

Quantum Mechanics: The dreams of which stuff is made.





Quiet brain! Or I'll poke you with another Q-tip.

Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.

Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.

Rap Is To Music What Etch-A-Sketch Is To Art

Rap: To lay one up side one's head!

Real Men Love Jesus!

Real women don't have hot flashes they have power surges.

Reality Is A Crutch For People Who Can’t Handle Drugs.

Reality is a figment of your imagination.

Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn't want to live there.

RECYCLE YOUR ANIMALS

Rehab is for quitters.

RELISH TODAY AND KETCHEUP TOMORROW

Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35 MPH Are Also Timed For 70 MPH.

Remember My Name! You’ll Be Screaming It Later!

Remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Repetition is always better the second time.

Rock is dead. Long live paper and scissors.

S.A.S.R.: Speeders Against Ski Racks

S.C.A.R.Y.: Southern Citizens Advocating the Relocation of Yankees

S.O.B.E.R.: Sick Of Banning Everyone's Rights

Sanity is back ordered. Sarcasm is in unlimited supply.

Santa’s Elves Are Just A Bunch Of Subordinate Clauses! Ha! Ha! Ha!





Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.

Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.

Save a tree! Eat a beaver.

Save on gas! Go fart in a jar.

Save the planet! Recycle an environmentalist.

Save the trees! Wipe your butt with a rabbit.

Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.

Save The Whales. Collect The Whole Set

Save Your Breath! You’ll Need It To Blow Up Your Date!

Saw It ... Wanted It ... Had A Fit ... Got It!

Say "NO" to drugs. That will bring the prices down.

Scixelsyd Etinu (backward)

Screw you guys, I'm going home!

Seen It All, Done It All, Can’t Remember Most Of It

Seen on an old beat-up car: "This is not an abandoned vehicle."

Senior Citizen: Give me my damn discount!

Sex is a misdemeanor! The more I miss it, the meaner I get!

She’s Always Late. Her Ancestors Arrived On The June Flower

Sheesh!

Short Chicks rock!

Simplify

Sleep well Mom.

Slow thinkers keep right.





Smile and act nice.

Smile and the world smiles with you, Fart and you stand alone.

Smile! Show off your teeth.

Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

SNIPER BAR & GRILL: All you need is one shot!

So close to read it!

So many cats, so few recipes.

So many cats.... So little time.

So Many Pedestrians! So Little Time

So many stupid people and so few asteroids.

So you're a feminist. Isn't that cute!

So you're kids no honor student. Society needs laborers.

Some days, it's not even worth chewing through the restraints.

Some have morals; some don't, and most simply ignore them.

Some People Are Alive Only Because It’s Illegal To Kill Them

Someday your prince will come. Mine got lost, took a wrong turn and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep!!

Sorry if I look interested, I'm not!

Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

Sorry, you are not a winner.

South Korea's got Seoul!

Spank Me!

Spare the fenders, save the trees, give the sober friend the keys.





Squirrel… It's what's for dinner.

Squirrels: Nature's speed bumps.

Stable relationships are for horses.

Sticker and watch the road!

Stop global whining.

Stop Reading My Bumper Stickers and DRIVE!

Stop repeat offenders. Don't elect them again!

Stoplights timed for 30 mph are also timed for 60 mph.

Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

Stupid is as stupid does.

Stupid should hurt!

Stupidity is not a crime so you’re free to go

Stupidity should be punished.

Stupidity: Too steep a price for marrying your sibling.

Suburbia: Where they tear out the trees and name streets after them.

Super Bowl is french for sitting on your ass and getting fat.

Support a cause stop plate tectonics.

Support bacteria! It's the only culture some people have.

Support publik edekasion.

Support yogurt, it's the only culture some people have.

Sure you can trust the government! Just ask a native American!

Sure, I believe in God. Did you get your next breath?





Surgeon Generals Warning: Smoking is bad for you. You always known that, just like everybody else. So if you do it for 20 or 30 years, don't come crying to the courts if it makes you sick. How stupid are you anyway?

T.G.I.F Thank God I'm Female.

Take me drunk I' m home.

Talk only if you can improve on the silence.

Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!

Ted Kennedy's car has killed more people than my gun.

Tell me to 'Stuff It'! I'm a taxidermist.

Tennis players have fuzzy balls.

Thank You… YOU MAY GO!!

Thanks for being a contestant.

That’s all I'm saying and I ain't saying no more.

That's not a haircut, it's a cry for help.

That's not relevant, and irrelevant is not a word.

The American Dream is a chicken in every pot. Why did we elect a chicken that smoked pot?

The beatings will continue until employee morale improves.

The Big Bang Theory: God Spoke and BANG it Happened.

The box said Windows 2000 or better. So I installed Linux.

The buck doesn't even slow down here.

The control key on the keyboard does not work.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

The Earth Is Full! Go Home!

The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name.





The fastest way to a fisherman's heart is through his fly.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

The generation of random numbers is too important to leave to chance.

The good thing about small cars is that you can fit twice as many into a traffic jam.

The horn blows! Does the driver!

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

The last time politics and religion were mixed, people were burned at the stake.

The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of the oncoming train.

The Lord made us all different... Democrats want to make us all the same!

The meek shall inherit the earth after we're through with it and it is renewed.

The meek will Internet the world.

The Moral Majority is neither.

The more I learn the less I understand.

The more I meet people the more I like my dog.

The More You Complain, The Longer God Makes You Live.

The more you listen, the more you know.

The number of people staring at you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your actions.

The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

The princess is in.

The road to hell is paved with democrats!

The Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography

The Second Place Is The First Loser

The Sex Was So Good That Even The Neighbors Had A Cigarette.





The sky is always bluer at the top of the windshield.

The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.

The squeaky wheel is often replaced.

The trouble with life is there's no background music.

The trouble with the gene pool is that there's no lifeguard.

The winner of the rat race is still a rat.

The world is coming to an end. Please log off.

Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.

There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary, and those who don't.

There are 2 types of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

There are 3 kinds of people: Those who can count & those who can't

There are only three things in life you can count on: Death, Taxes and God.

There are two kinds of drivers; those who make dust & those who eat it.

There is no shortcut to anywhere worth going.

There's no place like 127.0.0.1

There's no right way to eat a Rhesus.

They didn't let me out, they just gave me a day pass!

They keep saying the right person will come along; I think a truck hit mine.

They told me I was gullible and I believed them.

They're not hot flashes! They're POWER SURGES!

THINK before you ACT.

Think globally. Act galactically.

This bumper sticker intentionally left blank.





This car is constipated: It hasn't passed a thing all day!

This car is designed by computer, built by a robot, driven by a moron.

This car is protected by an anti-theft sticker!

This is not an abandoned car.

This is the rebel base.

This truck has been in 15 accidents and it hasn't lost one yet.

This vehicle insured by Smith and Wesson.

This was better than any diet I've ever been on.

This was only a test; if this had been a real emergency, you'd be dead.

This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me!

Those Who Live By The Sword Get Shot By Those Who Don’t!

Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening all at once.

Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students.

To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing.

To be loved, be lovable.

To be old and wise you must first be young and stupid.

To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.

To err is human, to forgive divine. Neither is government policy.

To err is human. To moo is bovine.

To err is human; to forgive is not Company Policy.

To you it's a six-pack; to me it's a support group.

Today's subliminal message is: ( )





Too many freaks and only 1 circus!

Too much Pluribus, not enough Unum.

Try it sober!

Turn Signals: Not just for smart people anymore.

U.S.M.C.: UNCLE SAMS MISGUIDED CHILDREN

Unless You're A Hemorrhoid, STAY OFF MY ASS!

Unlike the Internet, in reality, you can’t hit the back button.

Use the best: Linux for servers, Mac for graphics, Windows for Solitaire.

Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter.

Veni, Vedi, Visa: I Came, I Saw, I did a little shopping.

Veni, Vidi, VD. I came, I saw, I cankered.

Veni, Vidi, Velcro. I came, I saw, I stuck around.

Very funny Scotty; now beam down my clothes!

Visualize Whirled Peas

Vote BUSH/CHENEY? Why?

Vote Democrat: It's easier than thinking!

Vote Democrat: It's easier than working!

Want a little taste of religion? Bite the minister.

Want to be somebody? Don't drive after drinking.

Want to get laid? Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait!

Wanted: Meaningful Overnight Relationship

Warning! Dates on calendar are closer than they appear.

WARNING! Mental backup in progress.





Was today really necessary?

Watch out for the idiot behind me.

WATCH OUT! COMING THROUGH!

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

We are having EVER so much fun!

We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.

We are the people our parents warned us about.

We have enough youth. How about a fountain of "Smart"?

Welcome to California. Now go home!

Welcome to reality… Come again soon.

Welcome To Shit Creek! Sorry, We’re Out Of Paddles.

Well, at least the war on the environment is going well.

Well, isn't that special!

Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

We're not old people we're recycled teenagers!

West Virginia: One million people, and 15 last names.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

What I really need are minions.

What if the Hokey Pokey really is what its all about?

What If There Were No Hypothetical Questions?

WHAT IS THIS? BIZARROLAND?

What part of http://www.trutextads.com do you not understand?

What we need is a patch for stupidity!




http://www.trutextads.com/


What would Ashton do?

What would Gandalf do?

WHAT WOULD SCOOBY DO!

What would Xena Do?

What wouldn't Jesus do?

What you don't do is always more important than what you do do.

What? Are you stuck on stupid?

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

Whatever!

When all else fails, lower your standards.

When blondes have more fun, do they know it?

When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.

When I die bury me upside down so the world can kiss my ass.

When I married 'Mr. Right,' I didn't know his first name was 'always.'

When I want your opinion I'll beat it out of you.

When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout. That Helps a Lot.

When life hands you gators, make Gatorade.

When life is bad… Keep your head up. That way you don't see all the shit you've stepped in.

When The Chips Are Down, The Buffalo Is Empty.

When there's a will, I want to be in it!

When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Hand Basket?





Where in the nursery rhyme does say that Humpty Dumpty is an egg?

Where is the rapture when you need it?

Where There’s A Will, I’m In The Way.

Where there's a will there's a BEER!

Which came first, the woman or the department store?

Whitewater is over when the First Lady sings.

Who are these children, and why do they keep calling me Mom?

Who died and made YOU Darth Vader?.

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

Who needs this crap.

Who put a stop payment on my reality check?

Who were the beta testers for Preparations A through G?

Who's Your Daddy?

Why am I so thirsty when I drank so much last night?

Why are girls that way?

Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort you can be impossible?

Why be normal?

Why can't women learn to put the toilet seat back up?

Why did God give beauty queens one more brain cell than horses? So they wouldn't shit on stage.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Why do they call it a bumper if your not going to use it?

Why do we believe everything we see in newspapers but question what the Bible says?

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?





WHY ME?

Wink, I'll do the rest!

Without geometry life is pointless.

Without ME, it's just AWESO.

Without pain and suffering you have no choice!

Without sports, this bumper sticker would be about my honor student.

Women are born leaders, LOOK you are following one now!

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

Work is for people who don't know how to fish.

Wouldn't it be nice if there were an Escape key for all of our problems?

Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.

WWGD: What would Groucho Do?

WWJD: Who Wants Jelly Donuts?

Yea, though I walk through the valley of death, I will fear no evil, for I am the meanest son of a bitch in the valley.

YES this is my truck, NO I won't help you move!.

Yes, As A Matter Of Fact, I Do Own The Whole Damn Road!

Yes, in fact my father does own this road.

Yesterday I knew nothing. Today I know that.

You ain't seen nothin' yet!

You are 98% chimp. Or is it 98% Water?

You Are Depriving Some Village Of Its Idiot

You are driving to close I can see your bald spot.

YOU ARE HERE!





You Are Not Paranoid! It Is As Bad As You Think, And They Are Out To Get You.

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.

You are right where you belong, behind me!

You can pick your nose and pick your friends, but you can't wipe your friends on the couch.

You can't be late until you show up.

You Don’t Have To Be Dead To Have Your Organs Donated!

You get all this and my dads loaded.

You have been a naughty boy! Go to my room!

You Have The Right To Remain Silent. Anything You Say Will Be Misquoted And Used Against You.

You have to be really secure to be seen in this car.

You just lived your best moment. now GO live another!

You know your getting older when Happy Hour is a nap.

You May Want To Back Off! I Just Farted.

You probably don't recognize me without the cape.

You read my bumper sticker. That's enough social interaction for today.

You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.

You went on vacation and all I got was this stupid bumper sticker?

You! Off my planet!

You! Out Of The Gene Pool!

You’re Just Jealous Because The Voices Only Speak To Me

Your body would look good in my trunk.

Your Child May Be An Honor Student, But You’re Still An Asshole!





Your honor student deals the best drugs.

Your kid may be an Honor Student, but YOU'RE still an idiot.

Your lucky color has faded.

Your stupid!

Your such a Muggle!

YOUR TURN SIGNAL IS STILL ON!

Your village called, their idiot is missing.

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without hanging on.

You're not the boss of me!








humorous bumper stickers for adults and other idiots

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