LEE BAUCOM

Doctor Lee Baucom of Save the Marriage dot com. He became

disenchanted with the efficiency of traditional psychotherapy just

as he was finishing his PhD in training. He began to expand his approach at that time, 25 years

ago, to include coaching, paradigm theory, community

building, and mindfulness. Doctor Baucom expanded his expertise into the new fields of resilience and positive psychology; since

then, he's worked to help couples and individuals have thriving lives

and relationships. Now Doctor Baucom refers to himself as a

thriveologist, admitting he could also do a better job of thriving. After suffering a life-threatening

illness, he realized they needed to make important shifts in his own

life.

Now he's the creator of several online programs designed to save marriages and relationships, has authored the best-selling

book on marriage, has created several videos on dealing with stress, and shares two

podcasts each week; one on relationships, and one on thriving. He's married with two children, and in his spare time he trail runs,

paddle boards, and scuba dives.

There are lot of things that he thinks, they're not throwaways, but they're just kind of the world stuff. What he’s most proud of, he guess, is the relationships

they have in their family.

The most part of watching his kids grow up, he’s most proud of the relationship with his wife, he is proud of the bestseller stuff and things like that, but that for him, is kind of

the background noise to really having a thriving life. You've got to do these things to get through life, but what he’s really proud of

are the relationships.

His wife is a therapist, also. A lot of people go, "Oh, a few therapists. You must be doing the, “Oh, I hear what

you're saying, “kind of stuff.” But the reality is that it's a lot easier to be a kind

of dispassionate person when we're dealing with other people than when it's

your own life.

People would come into his office and say, “You know what? I've decided to quit

my job,” and he had no bearing. You know, nothing mattered what they said, and he was able to say, “Sure. If that's good for you, that's great,” but it's little different within a marriage, so he thinks

we have a great marriage, but every marriage has its struggles.

One of the things that he often tell

people is, “One hundred percent of marriages are

going to have difficult times.”

One hundred percent. About 50% are going to figure out some way to work through them. He never said, “Oh, you're going to have a perfect

marriage.”

Every marriage has its struggles and that's where you learn, so he thinks we have an outstanding marriage, but we always have the places where we've got to figure out a new way to find that

smooth surface when we're rubbing each other a little bit raw. How to use that more like smoothing down would with sandpaper, and he thinks that's

just kind of the nature of marriage. He thinks that's where you learn about each other, and

more than that he think that's where you learn about yourself.

50%

50%

There's some research about that. He thinks a lot of the research that really holds some water is, the spouse we find is usually a combination of both the good and bad elements, really of

both parents.

Certainly there's influence from the opposite sex parent; research shows that there's

actually more influence for women and their fathers than for men and their mothers.

But he does think we tend to find somebody that has some of those

pieces there, unfinished from childhood, and some of those places

where we felt most loved from childhood. He gets a little worried

when people boil it down to being that simple, kind of a parent issue, because there are also sibling issues and a lot of life experience issues that affect

that also.

If you'd like to hear the whole interview

(and more just like this)head to:

http://rachelrofe.com/subscribe