how to raise gifted children
TRANSCRIPT
HOW TO RAISE GIFTED CHILDREN
The Power of a Parent
Steve Jobs's adoptive dad taught him rudimentary electronics as a kid. It seems likely that
he couldn't have imagined how that time would pay off. Perhaps we all have the potential
to work miracles. Intelligence is 49 percent genetic and 51 percent stimulation, says
Lawlis. Other experts agree that, if anything, environment (read: parental influence) has
the edge. “We assume smart kids are born smart and you can tell practically out of the
womb,” says Rhee. “But I've seen it over and over again: You think a child will be a
superstar…and he isn't. Or a child who was written off achieves tremendous things.” It is a
close call, as Brenneman points out: “It may be genetic—or maybe he's been learning
from you.” Here's what you can do to help your child not only get better grades but have
more enthusiasm for learning.
Talk, talk, talk Ask your kid open-ended questions, like “What would happen if we
stopped for ice cream on the way to the beach?” Such questions help a child reflect on
what he knows and tell him his opinion matters. Don't worry if he's too young to
understand. Likewise, don't be afraid to use relatively sophisticated words, notes
Brenneman. He may not understand them, but he will figure it out if the words are used
multiple times in context. John Shotter, a dad in Seaford, NY, makes it a top priority to
talk to his son, Jack, 2, through daily activities. “We talk tools! I show him how the T-
square, drill, measuring tape, and hammer work.” The results are pretty impressive,
reports Jack's mom, Melissa. “He honestly knows the name of every tool, as well as
materials like Sheetrock, S packle, and drop cloth. He's also learning measuring, right and
left from turning a screwdriver, and colors from paint.”
Read, read, read Research has repeatedly shown that access to books and one-on-one
reading time is a predictor of school success. “Reading stimulates the brain to make
connections and builds background knowledge about the world,” says Kim Davenport,
chief program officer at Jumpstart, a national early-literacy organization. “Reading is the
foundation of all learning and will enable a child to absorb and apply content from all
areas, including math and science.” Modeling good reading habits may give him an edge.
“Seeing his parents reading for enjoyment will be contagious,” says Davenport. Invite
your child to cozy up on the couch with you to read. Keep books out—in baskets, on
shelves, and on coffee tables. And share what you're reading with your child, and ask him
to do the same. This will not only spark conversation but build his vocabulary and
comprehension.
Praise results Stick-to-itiveness is a quality that will endear your child to teachers—and
employers. We as a culture are so busy making kids feel good that we've lost sight of the
time it takes for them to actually become good, says Rhee. “My kids both play soccer, and
both stink. But judging by the trophies and ribbons that line their room, you'd think I had
the next Mia Hamms here,” she notes. It's hard to accept failure if you're constantly told
you're the best. When these kids go to school and get a problem wrong, they think “It can't
be me.” Giving the right props is key, says Stephanie Rosales, a licensed educational
psychologist in La Quinta, CA: “Children who are praised for solving a problem tend to
be more motivated in school than children who are told they're smart. The latter,
ironically, often become frustrated when something doesn't come easily.” So instead of
giving broad praise (“You're a star!”), give kudos for accomplishments (“I'm proud of how
you found a different way to get the answer”). And if you're going to hold up a gold
standard, make sure it's truly gold. Say “You're almost there. Keep trying.”
Celebrate curiosity Preschoolers very nearly glow with curiosity. But sometimes kids lose
that as they get older, says Brenneman. Keep them excited by honing in on what interests
them. If you ask questions about what they're playing with or talking about—“Yes, even if
it's Pokémon, as it was with my son,” says Brenneman—you've initiated a give-and-take
that will pay off in a smarter kid. Your child will ask questions and look for more good
stuff to share in return. Take time to turn your kid on to what you're excited about: Check
out a museum or watch an interesting show together, and tell your child what you like
about it and why. Rich Braun, a dad of two in East Islip, NY, used to work weekends. So
to be able to share his interests with his son, Erik, when he was in elementary school, he
occasionally pulled him out of school to visit a museum. His teachers always agreed, since
the next day he told the class what he had learned. “Erik felt like the expert for a day,
which over the years boosted his confidence and eagerness to learn more,” says Braun.
Seize teachable moments You can help your child sharpen school skills as you go about
your day. Say you drive by a windmill. Instead of saying “Hey, a windmill!” ask a
question: “What do you think they do?” Encouraging observation of details will help your
child do the same in class, says Rosales. And a trip to the store can be a chance to build
vocabulary, math skills, and money smarts. Tell a 2-year-old the names of fruits as you
bag them. Ask a 3-year-old to find four cans of peas. Have a 5-year-old write down which
cereal she wants. Older kids can compare prices and sizes, and sort coupons. Sarah
Brown, a preschool teacher in Hollywood, MD, had her 2-year-old students paint with
apples, bananas, and then skinny carrots. When her students advanced to the 4-year-old
group, the teacher noticed that they had better prewriting skills than the new students.
Whether your child is advanced or average, the best thing you can do is be involved.
Taking her on this journey of self-discovery is what'll drive her personal genius. In one
word: What do you most want your kid to be? Happy? Funny? Confident? Loved? We're
betting “Valedictorian” didn't pop to mind. Your goal is to help your child be the best he
or she can be, right? If you've read this far, you're both well on your way.
Thanks, Steve: Lessons from the Apple icon to pass on to your kids.
1. Love what you do. Clearly, passion fueled his genius, and he had his parents to thank.
Paul and Clara Jobs raised him in a supportive but hands-off environment. When kids are
allowed to experiment, creativity flows.
2. Think different. He never accepted the status quo. Next time your kid has a project to
do, help her brainstorm at least two other ways to attack it besides the first thing that pops
to mind.
3. Get it right. Jobs's perfectionism fueled anticipation for his covetable products. Resist
temptation to gush flattery to your child for every “OK” job; he'll learn stick-to-itiveness.
Check out how these game-changing luminaries started out. Hey, you never know.
Albert Einstein
Developed the theory of relativity; the father of modern physics
He hated school.
Oprah Winfrey
Media magnate; philanthropist
Her grandma taught her to read at age 3, which started her famous love of books.
Mark Zuckerberg
Internet entrepreneur; Facebook founder
His dad taught him Atari BASIC programming in junior high.
Jay-Z
Rap mogul; marketer
Unable to keep him from banging on the kitchen table, his mom got him a boom
box.
Gloria Steinem
Journalist and social and political activist
She attended school only sporadically until the age of 11.
Alexander Graham Bell
Scientist; innovator
After he built a wheat de-husker out of brushes and paddles at age 12, his friend's
father gave him a small workshop.
Toni Morrison
Pulitzer and Nobel Prize winner
Her dad told her folktales of the black community, which inspired her writings.