how to create healthy boundaries
TRANSCRIPT
COMPANY NAME www.nicecompany.com
How To Create Healthy Boundaries For Nonprofit
ProfessionalsPresented by : Sheena Greer
Welcome Everyone!
…But this work often takes a toll.
You’re incredibly busy making the
world a better place…
Definitions and different types of boundaries.
What We’ll Discuss Today
1 What are boundaries?
Some common traits and theories.
2 Why we’re vulnerable
Step-by-step ideas for creating change in your habits.
3 How to start naming & claiming
Some common workplace issues and how you can combat them.
4 Strategies for your workplace
A bit about me…
My name is Sheena Greer
- Held every kind of role, from programs to marketing to fundraising to making the coffee.
- Focus on simple, powerful communications.
- I also have a dark secret…
I’ve been working in the nonprofit
sector for the better part of a decade…
I HAVE SERIOUS
BOUNDARY ISSUES
Why?
Empathy ResponsibilityDisposition Problem Solving
(derp)
What are boundaries?
Definition
Personal boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that a
person creates to identify for themselves what are reasonable,
safe and permissible ways for other people to behave around
him or her and how they will respond when someone steps
outside those limits. They are built out of a mix of beliefs,
opinions, attitudes, past experiences and social learning.
Help build strong,
respectful
relationships.
Increase productivity
& create
transparency.
Build accountability
within the team.
Shared goals and
expectations.
Sets people at ease.
Improves
communication.
Prevents workplace
bullying.
Encourages team
members to think
for themselves.
Eases delegation
issues.
Minimizes
misunderstandings.
Four Flavours of Boundaries
Soft Spongy Rigid Flexible
Six Types of Boundaries
(your stuff)Material
(your space)Physical
(your feelings)Emotional
(your soul)Spiritual
(your body)Sexual
(your thoughts)Mental
Violations Can Be Confusing
Material Mental Emotional
(and sometimes difficult to put your finger on…)
The Right Distance
Family
Co -Workers
Friends
Strangers
Blurred Lines
Family
Co -Workers
Friends
Strangers
Do You Have Boundary Issues?
say yes when you mean no
feel guilty for saying no
act against your beliefs
stay quiet to keep the peace
over-giving to feel “useful”
Do You Have Boundary Issues?
allowing yourself to be
interrupted
allowing yourself to be overly
involved in problems
your needs come second to results
not expressing yourself if someone
says something you find offensive
accepting physical touch when
you don’t want it
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
Why are boundary issues huge in our sector?
Individuals + Systems
Who works for nonprofits?
Do-Gooder
Passionate
Hero
Community
Minded
Bleeding Heart Humanitarian
Selfless
SELFLESS
Dan Pallotta – Nonprofit Pathology
“Maybe people get into the compassion business full-time not
because they’re more compassionate than others but because
they’re codependent. Maybe the driving force is really inverted
narcissism — an unhealthy and unexamined addiction to care-
taking or to self-neglect.”
Dan Pallotta – Nonprofit Pathology
“Maybe people get into the compassion business full-time not
because they’re more compassionate than others but because
they’re codependent. Maybe the driving force is really inverted
narcissism — an unhealthy and unexamined addiction to care-
taking or to self-neglect.”
Dan Pallotta – Nonprofit Pathology
“Maybe people get into the compassion business full-time not
because they’re more compassionate than others but because
they’re codependent. Maybe the driving force is really inverted
narcissism — an unhealthy and unexamined addiction to care-
taking or to self-neglect.”
At some point,
we have to ask
ourselves why.
Why?
Empathy ResponsibilityDisposition Problem Solving
Common Nonprofit Challenges
No resources
Pay inequality
Leadership
Dysfunction
Silos Misconceptions
Wicked problems
People who are
prone to give
Systems that are
set up to take
Nonprofit Boundary
Issues
Let’s name & claim our boundaries
13 Steps To Better Boundaries
Know
Shift
Define
Communicate Prepare
Discuss
Structure
Manage Reward
Reciprocate
Flex
TrustRevisit
1. Know Thyself
What are your core values?
What brings you here?
2. Shift Your Mind
Repeat after me….
It is perfectly okay and absolutely
acceptable to have
boundaries.
3. Define Your Boundaries
What are your current boundaries?
Your “Top Fives”
4. Communicate Your Boundaries
Do some boundary homework
Define some past violations
Strategize and discuss
Expect this will be difficult
5. Be Prepared For Violations
Visualize your plan of action
Watch your number of apologies
6. Discuss Violations Directly
I.D.S.R.S
Be direct and concrete
7. Use Structure Wisely
Time limits
Agendas
Action items
8. Manage Your Time
When you’ve maximized your time, it will be harder for people to steal it from you!
9. Reward And Thank
Acknowledge their help
Encourage them to continue
10. Reciprocate
Examine your own practices
Be mindful of changing yourself
11. Stay Flexible
Healthy relationships are the goal
Sometimes this will require flexing
12. Be Patient And Gentle
Change takes time
Trust your instincts
13. Revisit On A Regular Basis
What has worked well?
What more needs to be done?
Common Workplace Issues
Squeaky Team Members
Personal boundaries encourage
team boundaries.
Unclear Job Description
ORG
CHART
Review your job description on a
regular basis.
Leaky Silos
Transparency.Always.
Useless Meetings
Insist on structure and say no when
possible.
Poor Leadership
Lead from the bottom up
(or the middle out)
Put a board member between
you and the problem.
Workplace Bullying
The Bully Dirty Dozen
Insults Invasion Contact Threats
“Jokes” Emails HumiliationPublic
shaming
Interruptions2-Faced
Attacks
Dirty
Looks
Silent
Treatment
Strong boundaries help
combat bullying.
Let’s Review…
Flexible boundaries are best
People in our sector are
prone to having
boundary issues.
Naming and claiming boundaries
takes time and commitment
Know
Shift
Define
Communicate Prepare
Discuss
Structure
Manage Reward
Reciprocate
Flex
TrustRevisit
Strong personal boundaries help you,
your team, and the entire
system.
www.colludo.ca 306.230.1951 [email protected]
@colludoswww.linkedin.com/in/sheenagreer
Stay In Touch!
COMPANY NAME www.nicecompany.com
Thank you for attending!