Helping Without Hurting

HELPING WITHOUT HURTINGWhat does the Lord require of you but to do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God

- Micah 6:8.

Be as wary as snakes and harmless as doves.

- Matthew 10:16

When is ‘help’ not really help?

When does ‘help’ actually hurt someone?

Have you ever been ‘helped’ in a way that left you feeling

like you had no dignity?

NOT ALL HELPING HELPS?

During the four decades beforeJanuary 2010, $8.3 billion in foreign aid

flowed into Haiti. Yet the country ended up 25 percent poorer than

before the aid began.

NOT ALL HELPING HELPS?

While one-way giving may seem like the “Christian” thing to do,

it can undermine the very relationship a helper is attempting to build.

- Robert D. Lupton

NOT ALL HELPING HELPS?

One Nicaraguan leader said, “You fly to our poverty-stricken villages, hearts full of pity and suitcases bulging with giveaway goods but you are only

turning my people into beggars.”

- Robert D. Lupton

NOT ALL HELPING HELPS?

$1 trillion in charitable aid has flowed into Africa over the past fifty years.

Intended to save lives, to cure diseases, bolster struggling economies, and

stimulate productivity, these streams of charity flowing in from prosperous

nations around the globe have produced the opposite effects. - Robert D. Lupton

NOT ALL HELPING HELPS?

Which of the following help you more:

Those who believe they know quick answers to all your problems?

Those who believe you have something to offer?

WHAT REALLY HELPS?

Which of the following would make you more likely to want to change:

Someone who thought they were smarter than you?

Someone who treated you as an equal?

WHAT REALLY HELPS?

Which of the following helps you more:

Being Listened To?

Being Told How To Fix Yourself?

WHAT REALLY HELPS?

When you want to talk about a deep terrible heartache which feels more helpful:

I know exactly how you feel.

I can’t imagine what you’re going through.

WHAT REALLY HELPS?

When you have just lost everything in a flood which would help more:

Receiving a ute load of chocolate and soft toys?

Someone visiting to ascertain your specific needs.

WHAT REALLY HELPS?

PITY or EMPATHY?

WHAT REALLY HELPS?

PITY looks down on the other person.

EMPATHY sees them as an equal.

WHAT REALLY HELPS?

PITY gives to feel good

EMPATHY gives to lift up the other.

WHAT REALLY HELPS?

PITY makes the other person a ‘recipient’

EMPATHY sees them in real a two-way relationship.

WHAT REALLY HELPS?

PITY likes to be thanked

EMPATHY does not need thanks.

WHAT REALLY HELPS?

PITY might be a quicker and easier

EMPATHY may take time

and commit you long term.

WHAT REALLY HELPS?

Which would you prefer to receive:

PITY?

EMPATHY?

WHAT REALLY HELPS?

WHAT REALLY HELPS?

Distinguish emergency relief from long term poverty or

disempowerment – different responses required.

IDEAS FOR REAL HELPING:

Practice self awareness.

IDEAS FOR REAL HELPING:

Remember that everyone has a right to feel safe all the time.

IDEAS FOR REAL HELPING:

Listen listen listen. Listen to what is not being said and beware of advice giving (that’s my advice to you).

IDEAS FOR REAL HELPING:

If it’s not an emergency it’s OK and even healthy to

make someone wait.

IDEAS FOR REAL HELPING:

Distinguish emergencies from long term

disempowerment/poverty.

Respond differently.

IDEAS FOR REAL HELPING:

Crisis intervention:

- Be clear about your role

- Focus on what needs attention now

- Focus on the core, decide what to do first

IDEAS FOR REAL HELPING:

Practical needs vs

Inner struggles.

IDEAS FOR REAL HELPING:

Help people discover and make use of resources.

IDEAS FOR REAL HELPING:

Don’t do it all for people.

Instead help them discover active steps (even if small) to

involvement in their own help.

IDEAS FOR REAL HELPING:

Limit one way givingto emergencies.

IDEAS FOR REAL HELPING:

Never do for the poorwhat they have the capacity to do for

themselves.

IDEAS FOR REAL HELPING:

Strive to empower long term poor through employment,

education, lending, investing to change systems.

IDEAS FOR REAL HELPING:

Be aware that we can never fully understand another’s world view.

IDEAS FOR REAL HELPING:

Identify unhealthy helpingrelationships and

withdraw strategically!

IDEAS FOR REAL HELPING:

AID VS PROCLAMATION

EMPOWER NOT DIS-EMPOWER

INDIGENISATION

LONG TERM RELATIONSHIPS

OTHER IMPORTANT IDEAS:

Identify unhealthy helpingrelationships and

withdraw strategically!

IDEAS FOR REAL HELPING:

- ALWS - Board for Mission- Finke River Mission (FRM) & Yirara- Asia Focus Australia- Compassion, World Vision, Salvos.- Wherever money is well spent.

SAFE EXCELLENT MISSION AND AID TO SUPPORT