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Effective Communication: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

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Page 1: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Effective Communication:Helping Parents Find Their Voice

Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D.

Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Page 2: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Focus of the Training

Adult Learning Strategies

Empowerment Communication

Page 3: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Adult Learning Strategies

Page 4: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Andragogy:“The art and science of helping adults learn.”

Page 5: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Keep in mind that adults generally remember …

10% of what they read

20% of what they hear

30% of what they see

50% of what they see and hear

70% of what they say and write

90% of what they say as they do(Explained by Edgar Dale –Dale’s Cone of Experience, 1960)

Page 6: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Cone of Experience, Edgar Dale (1946) in “AudioVisual Methods of Teaching”

Page 7: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Knowles, Holton and Swanson (1998) discuss six assumptions of andragogy:

The Adult’s Need to KnowThe Adult’s Self-ConceptThe Role of the Adult’s ExperienceThe Adult’s Orientation to Learning The Adult’s Readiness to LearnThe Adult’s Motivation to Learn

Page 8: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

The Adult’s Need to Know

Adults need to know why they should learn something and how it will benefit them.

Learning for immediate use is better than learning for future use.

What do you expect to learn?

How might the information be useful for them?

Page 9: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

The Adult’s Self-Concept

Adults resent and resist situations in which they feel others are imposing their wills on them.

Self-Concept as a learner is influenced by successes and failures in school.

Self-Concept as a learner is also related to the person’s level of empowerment and motivation.

Page 10: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

The Role of the Adult’s Experience

Based on a lifetime of experiences, adult learners are more heterogeneous than younger learners.

Adults’ personal identity is often tied to their experiences with biases and habits.

Reflective learning helps adults reassess the impact of experiences and prepare them for change.

Page 11: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

The Adult’s Readiness to Learn

Adults are ready to learn when they experience a need to learn something in order to cope with real life tasks or problems.

Page 12: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

The Adult’s Orientation to Learning

Adults are life, task, or problem-centered in their orientation.

Learning needs to use real life situations.

Flexibility in the lesson allows for personal experiences.

Page 13: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

The Adult’s Motivation to Learn

Adults’ internal priorities are more important than external priorities.

Incentives such as self-esteem, quality of life, and satisfaction are most important.

Adults’ input into the development of lessons or prioritization of topics can encourage adults to take ownership of the learning process.

Page 14: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

There are Four Elements to Learning

Motivation Retention Reinforcement Transference

Page 15: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Motivation A key aspect of learning.

Teaching to unmotivated adults is a waste of the instructor’s time.

A friendly and open atmosphere helps build motivation.

The learning environment needs an appropriate level of concern and stress.

Appropriate level of difficulty.

Provide relevance.

Page 16: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Retention

Practice through role play

Repetition

Sequenced lesson

Practical use experiences

Page 17: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Reinforcement

Encourage learning

Positive better than negative

Support for students

Page 18: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Transference Learners can associate new information with

something they know.

Learners can find similarities between the new information and something they know.

Learners have a high degree of original learning (self-discovery).

Learners need information for a critical reason.

Page 19: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Summary of Major PointsDiscover why adults would want to learn

something new.

Adults need to learn experientially.

Approach topic as problem-solving.

Repeatedly emphasize relevance of topic.

Involve the adult in the planning, learning and evaluation.

Adults will need to process and reflect.

Page 20: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Empowering Adults

Page 21: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Empowerment involves helping

others build their own power bases.

Page 22: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Empowerment is a feeling of capability.

Page 23: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

In Nurturing philosophy, empowerment is

referred to as Personal Power.

Page 24: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Personal Power is defined as “the life energy within

everyone that influences their quality of life.”

Everyone has Personal Power.

Page 25: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Personal Power is …The drive to accomplish

The choices we make

The will to love

The energy to explore, create and question

The commitment to nurture ourselves and others

Our personal perceptions and self-worth

Page 26: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Personal Power can be positive or negative.

Page 27: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Positive use of Personal Power enhances our

life, the lives of others, and builds positive self-

worth.

Page 28: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Negative use of Personal Power

detracts and injures our life, the lives of others, and builds

negative self-worth.

Page 29: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

The negative use of Personal Power is the mission of the victim

and perpetrator personality traits within all of us.

Page 30: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

The positive use of Personal Power is the

mission of the Nurturer and the

Nurtured personality traits within all of us.

Page 31: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Over time, personality traits turn into full-blown personalities

with diseased or healthy neurological

networks.

Page 32: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Powerlessness is a feeling of learned helplessness

which is related to drug and alcohol use, depression,

domestic violence, influence of peer pressure, high

levels of stress and anger, and family dysfunction.

Page 33: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Power struggles are the personal desires of

adults, teens and children to use one’s

life energy to influence their lives.

Page 34: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Ways to Build Personal Power in Self and Clients

Increase your level of self-awareness and model this behavior with your family and clients.

Page 35: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Ways to Build Personal Power in Self and Clients

Praise others for Being: unconditional regard. Often referred to as Unconditional Love.

Praise your self for Being and model this behavior with your family and clients.

Page 36: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Ways to Build Personal Power in Self and Clients

Praise others for Doing: conditional regard with focus on behavior.

Provide opportunities for success to boost self-confidence.

Praise your self for Doing and model this with your family and clients. Focus on your behavior – not your intentions.

Page 37: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Ways to Build Personal Power in Self and Clients

Brainstorm choices with clients and possible positive and negative consequences. Write these consequences down and give the list to the clients.

Page 38: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Ways to Build Personal Power in Self and Clients

Build anger management strategies:

- Increase understanding of anger.

- Focus on anger “cues” (related to attunement skills).

- Brainstorm with clients ways to express anger energy in healthy, positive ways.

- Emphasize the importance of modeling appropriate anger expression skills with children.

Page 39: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Ways to Build Personal Power in Self and Clients

Build stress management strategies:

- Increase understanding of stress and distress

- Focus on stress “cues” (related to attunement skills).

- Brainstorm with clients ways to express stress energy in healthy, positive ways.

- Brainstorm with clients ways to reduce stress.

Page 40: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Ways to Build Personal Power in Self and Clients

Increase self-awareness. List self traits that are desirable and undesirable and a plan to replace undesirable traits with desirable ones.

Page 41: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Ways to Build Personal Power in Self and Clients

Increase self-worth:

- Personal Power- Praise for Being and Doing- Self-Awareness- Accept praise from others- Offer self praise- Change negative self-labels for positive ones- Have appropriate and realistic expectations

for self

Page 42: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Ways to Build Personal Power in Self and Clients

Treat others with dignity by developing Empathy.

Page 43: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Empathy

Empathy is the ability to perceive and accept the subjective experiences of others and to respond in a caring, dignified way.

- Comes from the Greek word “empatheia” which means feeling into.

- Brainstorm with clients ways to build empathy: caring for objects (clothes, home, car, etc.); caring for self (hygiene, diet, exercise, personal references/labels, etc.); caring for others (plants, pets, children, etc).

Page 44: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Ways to Build Personal Power in Self and Clients

Build communication skills:

- Taking responsibility for one’s behavior: no blaming.

- Confronting and not criticizing: using “I” statements” and no name calling.

- Brainstorm possibilities/causes/reasons to situations and events.

Page 45: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Problem Solving and Decision MakingProblem Solving

- What is the problem? - Whose problem is it- What have you tried?

Decision Making- What would you like to see instead?- Brainstorm three ways you can achieve your goals.- Try your solutions and evaluate the effectiveness.- If the problem persists, begin the process over.

Negotiate and Compromise- When problem solving leaves both people at a stalemate.

Page 46: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Communication

Page 47: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Barriers to ListeningFocusing on Personal Agenda: Formulating our next thought

while speaker is still talking.

Emotional Noise: Appearance; non-verbal cues.

Criticizing Speaker: Focus on the message and not on the messenger.

Speech Rate v. Thought Rate: Speech rate (125 wpm) is much slower than the rate at which we think (500-800 wpm).

Information Overload: Too much information.

External Noise: TV, cell phones, too hot or too cold room.

Feeling Sick: Headache, stomach ache, pain, discomfort

Page 48: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Strategies for Listening

Focus on the person, their thoughts and feelings.

Pay attention to the person.

Listen for the essence of the message.

Be empathic and imagine how you would feel.

Ask questions for clarification.

Page 49: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Barriers to Accurate PerceptionsIntense emotional state: anger, sadness, fear, etc.

Holding preconceptions about people or events.

Misconceptions generated from making assumptions and ignoring details.

Focusing on the negative aspects is a common habit.

Assuming others have a similar interpretation without checking how others interpret a situation.

Sending or receiving incongruent communication (behavioral) cues, i.e. body language that contradicts verbal message.

Page 50: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Strategies for Improving Perceptions

Reality is nothing more than perceptions at moment.

All realities are the subjective interpretation of the moment. There is no objective world.

Question your perceptions and think about how they are formed.

Observe carefully and attentively – be completely involved in the moment.

Be aware of the meanings you attach to your perceptions.

Increased self-awareness will lead to awareness of the barriers used in perceptions.

Develop your level of empathy and work on focusing on others.

Page 51: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Barriers to Effective Verbal Communication

Lacking clarity and precision: vague, political-type responses

Using generalizations and stereotypes

Jumping to conclusions

Using disconfirming responses such as interrupting, making irrelevant responses, not saying anything at all

Lacking confidence due to shyness, low self-worth, low sense of personal power

Page 52: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Strategies for Effective Verbal Communication

Describe your own feelings and thoughts rather than evaluating others.

Focus in the issue rather than on the person.

Be yourself, honestly and openly but with dignity.

Empathize rather than remain detached.

Allow for other points of view.Continued

Page 53: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Strategies for Effective Verbal Communication

Value yourself and your own experiences.

Perceive and present yourself as an equal rather than a superior.

Respond to others in ways that acknowledge their experiences, opinions, values. This is not necessarily agreeing with the messages, but honoring their response.

Send consistent verbal and non-verbal messages.

Page 54: Helping Parents Find Their Voice Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ®

Adapted from Beebe et al. Interpersonal Communication: Relating to Others 2nd Canadian Edition, 2000; and,  Developing and Maintaining Professional Relationships, TRACE Workshops, 2002.

Additional concepts have been added by Stephen Bavolek, Ph.D., Family Development Resources, Inc., 2008