HAPPINESSEssential M indfulness Practices

HAPPI NESSEssential Mindfulness Practices

Thich Nhat Hanh

P A R A L L A X PRESS • BERKE LEY, C A L I F O R N I A

CONTENTS

I N T R O D U C T IO N ix

D A IL Y P R A C T I C E S 1

C o n s c io u s B re a th in g 3

S it t in g M e d ita tio n 9

W a lk in g M e d ita tio n 13

W a k in g U p 18

T h e Bell 20

T e le p h o n e M e d ita tio n 24

B o w in g 26

G a th a s 28

1 H a v e A rriv e d , I A m H o m e 30

T a k in g R e fu g e 33

T h e F iv e M in d fu ln e ss T ra in in g s 35

E A T IN G P R A C T I C E S 39

M in d fu l E a tin g 4 1

T h e F iv e C o n te m p la tio n s 45

T h e K itc h e n 4 7

T ea M e d ita tio n 49

vi Contents

P H Y S IC A L P R A C T I C E S 5 3

R e stin g an d S to p p in g 5 5

D e e p R e la x a tio n 58

M in d fu l M o v e m e n ts 6 3

R E L A T IO N S H IP A N D

C O M M U N I T Y P R A C T I C E S 6 7

C re a t in g an d M a in ta in in g a S a n g h a 69

B e g in n in g A n e w 7 2

P e a ce T re a ty 7 5

S e c o n d B o d y S y ste m 80

H u g g in g M e d ita tio n 82

D e e p L is ten in g an d L o v in g S p e e c h 84

T a k in g C a re o f A n g e r

an d O th e r S tro n g E m o tio n s 86

S h in in g L ig h t 92

W ritin g a L o v e L e tte r 9 5

E X T E N D E D P R A C T I C E S 9 7

So litu d e 99

S ile n c e 1 0 1

L a z y D a y 10 3

L is ten in g to a D h arm a T alk 10 5

D h a rm a D isc u ss io n 10 6

T o u c h in g th e E arth 1 0 7

T ra v e lin g and R e tu rn in g H o m e 1 1 0

M e tta /L o v e M e d ita tio n 1 1 2

Contents vii

U n ila te ra l D isa rm a m e n t 1

T a lk in g to Y o u r In n er C h ild 1

T h e Fo u rteen M in d fu ln e ss T ra in in g s 1

P R A C T I C I N G W IT H C H IL D R E N 1

L is te n in g to Y o u n g P e o p le 1

W a lk in g M e d ita tio n w ith C h ild re n 1

H e lp in g C h ild re n w ith A n g e r

and O th e r S tro n g E m o tio n s 1

F a m ily M e a ls 1

In v itin g th e Bell I

P eb b le M e d ita tio n 1

T h e B re a th in g R oo m 1

T h e F o u r M an tras I

T h e C a k e in th e R e fr ig e ra to r 1

O ra n g e M e d ita tio n 1

T ree H u g g in g I

T o d ay 's D a y 1

1 7

19

21

2 7

29

32

34

3 7

39

42

4 5

4 7

5 1

5 3

5 5

56

C O N C L U S I O N 15 8

INTRODUCTION

M in d fu ln ess is the e n e rg y o f b e in g aw are an d aw ake to the present. It

is the co n tin u o u s p ractice o f to u ch in g life d e e p ly in e v e ry m om ent.

P ractic in g m in d fu lness d oes not requ ire th at w e g o a n y w h e re d iffe r­

ent. W e can p ractice m in dfu lness in our room o r on o u r w a y from

one p lace to another. W e can do v e ry m uch th e sam e th in gs w e

.ilw ays d o — w alk in g , sittin g , w o rk in g , eatin g , ta lk in g— e x c e p t w e

do them w ith an aw aren ess o f w h at w e are d o in g.

Im agine yo u 're stan d in g w ith a gro u p o f p eo p le , c o n tem p latin g

.1 b eautifu l sunrise. But w h ile o th ers d rin k in the view , yo u stru ggle .

You're p re o c cu p ied w ith y o u r p ro jects and w o rries . You th in k about

the future and the past. Y ou 're not re a lly presen t to ap p rec ia te the

e xp erien ce . S o rath er than e n jo y the sunrise, y o u let th e rich n ess o f

the m om en t slip by.

Su p p o se, instead, y o u too k a d ifferen t ap p ro ach . W h a t if, as y o u r

m ind w an d ers, yo u d irect y o u r focus to y o u r in -breath and out-

breath? A s y o u p ractice b reath in g d eep ly , y o u b rin g y o u rse lf b ack

to th e present. Y ou r b o d y and m in d co m e to g e th e r as o n e , a llo w ­

in g y o u to b e fu lly ava ilab le to w itn ess, co n tem p late , and e n jo y the

scenery . B y "go in g h om e" to y o u r b reath , y o u regain the w o n d e r o f

the sunrise.

W e o ften b eco m e so b u sy th at w e fo rg e t w h at w e 're d o in g o r w h o

w e are. I k n o w m an y p e o p le w h o sa y th e y even fo rg e t to b reathe.

W e fo rg e t to lo o k at th e p eo p le w e lo v e an d to ap p reciate them until

th ey 're go n e. E ven w h en w e h ave som e leisure tim e, w e don 't kn ow

h ow to g e t in touch w ith w h at is g o in g on inside us. S o w e turn on

x Introduction

th e te lev isio n o r p ic k up th e te lep h o n e as if w e m ig h t b e ab le to

escap e from ourselves.

A w aren ess o f th e breath is the essen ce o f m in dfu lness. A c c o rd in g

to the Buddha, m in dfu lness is th e source o f h ap p in ess and jo y . T h e

seed o f m in d fu lness is in each o f us, but w e usu ally fo rg et to w ater

it. If w e k n o w h o w to take re fu ge in our breath , in our step, then w e

can touch our seed s o f p eace and jo y and a llo w them to m anifest

fo r o ur e n jo ym e n t. Instead o f ta k in g re fu ge in an ab stract n otio n o f

G o d , B uddha, o r A llah , w e rea lize that G o d can be to u ch ed in our

breath and o u r step.

T h is sounds easy, and e v e ry o n e can do it, but it takes so m e tra in ­

ing. T h e p ractice o f s to p p in g is crucia l. H o w d o w e stop? W e stop

b y m eans o f o ur in -breath , o u r o u t-b reath , and o ur step. T h a t is w h y

o ur b asic p ractice is m indfu l b reath in g and m indfu l w a lk in g . If y o u

m aster th ese p ractices, then y o u can p ractice m indfu l eatin g , m in d ­

ful d rin k in g , m indfu l co o k in g , m indful d riv in g , and so on , and y o u

are a lw ays in th e here and now.

T h e p ractice o f m in dfu lness (smrti in San skrit) leads to c o n c e n tra ­

tio n (sam a d h i), w h ich in turn leads to in sigh t (p r a jiia ). T h e in sigh t w e

gain from m in d fu lness m ed itation can liberate us from fear, anxiety ,

and anger, a llo w in g us to b e tru ly h appy. W e can p ractice m in d fu l­

ness usin g so m e th in g as s im p le as a flow er. W h e n I h o ld a flo w er

in m y h and , I'm aw are o f it. M y in -breath and ou t-b reath h elp m e

m aintain m y aw areness. R ath er than b ec o m in g o v erw h elm ed b y

o th er th o u gh ts, I sustain m y en jo y m e n t o f th e flow er's beauty. C o n ­

centration itse lf b ec o m es a source o f joy .

If w e w an t to fu lly e n jo y life's g ifts , w e m ust p ractice m in d fu l­

ness at e v e ry turn, w h e th e r w e re b ru sh in g o ur teeth , co o k in g our

b reakfast, o r d riv in g to w ork . E v ery step and e v e ry breath can b e an

o p p o rtu n ity fo r jo y and h ap p in ess. L ife is full o f su ffering . If w e don't

h ave e n o u gh h ap p in ess on reserve, w e have no m eans to take care o f

our despair. E n jo y y o u r p ractice w ith a re la x ed and gen tle attitude,

w ith an o p en m in d and a re c ep tive heart. P ractice fo r un d erstan d in g

Introduction xi

and n o t fo r th e form o r ap p earan ce . W ith m in dfu lness, w e can p re ­

serve an in n er jo y , so that w e can b etter h an d le the c h a lle n g e s in our

lives. W e can create a fo un d ation o f freed om , p eace , and lo v e w ith in

ourselves.

DAILY PRACTICES

CONSCIOUS BREATHING

In our d a ily life , w e b reath e, but w e fo rg e t that w e 're b reath in g . T h e

Inundation o f all m in dfu lness p ractice is to b rin g our atten tio n to our

m breath and out-b reath . T h is is c a lle d m in dfu lness o f b reath in g ,

hi co n sc io u s b reath in g . It's v e ry sim ple , but th e e ffe c t can b e v e ry

Hivat. In our d a ily life , a lth o u g h our b o d y is in o n e p lace , o ur m ind

Is o ften in another. P a y in g attentio n to o ur in -breath and out-b reath

brings our m in d b ack to o ur b od y. A n d su d d en ly w e are th ere , fu lly

present in th e h ere and th e now.

C o n sc io u s b reath in g is like d rin k in g a g lass o f co o l w ater. A s w e

breath e in, w e re a lly fee l th e a ir fillin g o ur lungs. W e d on 't need to

i ontro l o u r b reath . W e feel the b reath as it actu a lly is. It m ay be

long o r sh ort, d eep o r sh allow . In the lig h t o f o ur aw aren ess it w ill

natu rally b ec o m e slo w e r and deeper. C o n sc io u s b re a th in g is th e k e y

I n u n itin g b o d y and m in d and b rin g in g th e e n e rg y o f m in dfu lness

into each m om en t o f our life.

R egard less o f our internal w eath er— o u r th oughts, em o tio n s, and

p ercep tio n s— our b reath in g is a lw ays w ith us like a faith fu l friend.

W h e n e v e r w e feel carried aw ay, sunk in a d eep em o tion , o r cau gh t

m th o u g h ts ab out th e past o r th e future, w e can return to our b re a th ­

ing to c o lle c t and a n c h o r our m ind.

I )ractice

W h ile y o u b reath e in a n d out, feel th e flo w o f air co m in g in and

K oing out o f y o u r nose. A t first y o u r b reath in g m ay not b e re laxed .

4 D aily Practices

But a fte r p ra c tic in g co n sc io u s b re a th in g fo r aw h ile , y o u w ill feel

h o w ligh t and natural, h o w calm and p eacefu l y o u r b re a th in g has

b eco m e. A n y tim e yo u 're w a lk in g , gard e n in g , ty p in g , o r d o in g a n y ­

th in g at all, y o u can return to this p eacefu l so u rce o f life.

Y ou can sa y to yo u rse lf:

Breathing in, I know I'm breathing in.

Breathing out, I know I'm breathing out.

A fte r a few b reath s, y o u m a y w an t to sh orten this to: "In, O u t." If

y o u fo llo w y o u r in -breath and ou t-b reath all th e w a y th ro u gh , y o u r

m ind is no lo n g e r th in k in g. N o w y o u r m in d has a ch a n c e to rest. In

our d a ily life w e th in k too m uch. G iv in g o u r m in d a ch a n c e to stop

th in k in g is w on d erfu l.

Breathing in, I know I'm breathing in isn't a th o u g h t. It's a s im p le a w a re ­

ness th at so m e th in g is h ap p en in g , th at y o u are b re a th in g in and out.

W h en y o u b reath e in and b rin g y o u r atten tio n to y o u r in -breath ,

y o u b rin g y o u r m ind b ack to a reu n ion w ith y o u r b od y. Ju st o n e in ­

breath can h e lp th e m ind co m e b a ck to th e b o d y. W h e n b o d y and

m in d com e to geth er, y o u can be tru ly in th e presen t m om ent.

"B reath in g in, I kn o w I'm b re a th in g in" is a n o th e r w a y o f sa y in g

"B reath in g in, I feel a live ." L ife is in y o u an d life is aro und y o u — life

w ith all its w o n d ers: the sunshine, th e b lu e sky, th e autum n leaves.

It's v e ry im p ortant to go h o m e to the p resen t m om en t to g e t in touch

w ith the h ealin g , re fresh in g , and n o u rish in g e lem ents o f life inside

and around y o u . A lig h t sm ile can re lax all th e m uscles o f y o u r face.

Breathing in, I recognize the blue sky.

, Breathing out, I smile to the blue sky.

Breathing in, I am aware of the beautiful autumn leaves.

Breathing out, I smile to the beautiful autumn leaves.

You can sh orten this to "blue sk y " on th e in -breath , and "sm il­

ing" on the o ut-b reath . T h e n "autum n leaves" on the in -breath , and

D a ily Practices 5

"sm iling" on the ou t-b reath . W h e n y o u p ractice b re a th in g like this,

it puts y o u in touch w ith all th ese w o n d ers o f life . T h e b ea u ty o f

life is n o u rish in g y o u . You are free from y o u r w orries and fears. You

get in to u ch w ith y o u r b reath an d w ith y o u r b od y. Y o u r b o d y is a

w ond er. Y o u r e ye s are a wonder,- y o u need o n ly to o p en y o u r eyes

to be ab le to touch the parad ise o f form s and co lo rs that's availab le .

Your ears are a w ond er. T h a n k s to y o u r ears y o u can h ear all k inds

o f soun ds: m usic, b ird so n g , and th e w in d b lo w in g th ro u gh the pine

trees. W h e n y o u p a y atten tio n to y o u r in -breath and ou t-b reath ,

y o u b rin g y o u rse lf h o m e to the p resen t m om ent, to th e h ere and the

now, an d y o u are in tou ch w ith life . If y o u w ere to co n tin u e to be

lost in the past or run to the future, yo u 'd m iss all o f that.

Breathing in, I follow m y in-breath all the w ay through.

Breathing out, I follow my out-breath all the w ay through.

In the b eg in n in g , y o u m ay n o tice th at y o u r b reath in g m ay feel

labored o r aw kw ard . Y o u r breath is a result o f y o u r b o d y and fe e l­

ings. If y o u r b o d y has tension o r pain , if y o u r fee lin gs are painfu l,

then y o u r breath is a ffected . B ring y o u r attentio n to y o u r breath and

b reath e m indfu lly.

Breathing in, I know I'm breathing in.

Breathing out, I know I'm breathing out.

Breathing in, I smile to my in-breath.

Breathing out, I smile to my out-breath.

N e v e r fo rce y o u r breath . If y o u r in -breath is sh ort, let it be short.

II it's not v e ry p eacefu l, let it be like that. W e don 't in terven e, fo rce,

o r "w o rk o n ” o ur b reath . W e ju st b eco m e aw are o f it, and a fte r som e

tim e, th e q u a lity o f our b reath in g w ill im p rove naturally . M in d fu l­

ness o f b reath in g id en tifies and em braces our in -breath and out-

breath , like a m o th er g o in g h om e to h er ch ild and em b racin g h er

c h ild te n d e r ly in h er arm s. You'll b e surp rised to see th at a fte r one

D aily Practices 7

Later on, after y o u 'v e b een able to o f fe r that peace and h a rm o n y

to y o u r b ody, h e lp in g it to release the tension, then y o u can identify

yo u r feelings and em otions.

Breathing in, I'm aware of the painful feeling in me.

Breathing out, I smile to the painful feeling in me.

T here 's a painful feeling, but there's also mindfulness. M in d fu l­

ness is like a mother, e m b ra c in g the feeling tenderly . M in d fu lness is

alw ays m indfulness o f som ething . W h e n y o u breathe mindfully, that

is m indfu lness o f breathing. W h e n yo u w alk mindfully, that is mind-

lulness o f walking . W h e n y o u drink mindfully, that is m indfu lness o f

drinking. W h e n you 're mindful o f y o u r feelings, that's m indfulness

o f feeling. M indfu lness can be b ro u gh t to intervene in e v e ry physi-

cal and mental event, b r in g in g recogn it ion and relief.

I'd like to of fer y o u a practice poem y o u can recite from time to

time, w h ile breath in g and smiling:

Breathing in, I know I am breathing in.

Breathing out, I know I am breathing out.

As my in-breath grows deep,

M y out-breath grows slow.

Breathing in, I calm my body,

Breathing out, I feel at ease.

Breathing in, I smile,

Breathing out, I release.

Dwelling in the present moment,

I know this is a wonderful moment.

8 D aily Practices

You can shorten this to the w o rd s below, o n e w o rd o r phrase per

breath:

In, Out.

Deep, Slow.

Calm, Ease.

Smile, Release.

Present Moment, Wonderful Moment.

T h e present m om ent is the o n ly m o m e n t that is real. Your

most im portant task is to be here and no w and e n jo y the present

mom ent.

SITTIN G MEDITATION

m editation is a w a y for us to return h o m e and g ive full a tten­

tion and care to ourselves. E v ery time w e sit d o w n, w h e th e r it is in

uni l iving room , at the foot o f a tree, o r on a cushion, w e can radi-

ale tranquility like the Buddha sitting on an altar. W e bring our full

attention to w h at is w ith in and around us. W e let our m ind b ec o m e

• |>.u ious and our heart soft and kind. W ith just a few minutes o f s it­

ting in this way, w e can restore ourselves fully. W h e n w e sit d o w n

I h ace fully, breath in g and sm iling w ith awareness, w e h ave sover-

riHnty o v e r ourselves.

S itt ing m editation is v e r y healing. W e can just be w ith w h a te ve r

Is within us, w h e th e r it is pain, anger, irritation, joy , love, o r peace.

Wc are with w h a te ve r is there w ithout b e in g carried away. W e let it

• i tine, let it stay, then let it go. W e have no need to push, to oppress ,

• >i to pretend our th oughts are not there. Instead, w e can ob serve the

thoughts and im ages in our mind with an ac c e p t in g and lo v in g eye.

I >rspite the storms that arise in us, we're still and calm.

Sitt ing and breathing, w e pro duce our true presence in the here

rtiul the n o w and o ffe r it to our co m m u n ity and to the w orld . T h is is

i Ik purpose o f sitting: b e ing here, fully alive and fully present.

I'h ictice

Si l l in g m editation should be a joy. Sit in such a w a y that y o u feel

happy and relaxed for the entire length o f the sitting. S i t t in g is not

10 D aily Practices

hard labor. It's an o p p o rtu n ity to e n jo y y o u r o w n presence, the p res­

e nce o f y o u r fam ily or fe l low practitioners, the Earth, the sky, and

the cosm os. There 's no effort.

If y o u sit on a cush ion , be sure it's the right thickness to su p ­

port you . You can sit in the full- o r half-lotus position, a sim ple

cro ss- le gg e d position, o r h o w e v e r y o u feel m ost co m fo rtab le . K e e p

y o u r back straight and y o u r hands fo lded g e n t ly in y o u r lap. If yo u

sit in a chair, be sure y o u r feet are flat on the floor or on a cushion.

If y o u r legs o r feet fall as leep o r beg in to hurt during the sitting, just

adjust y o u r position mindfully. You can maintain y o u r con centrat ion

b y fo l lo w in g y o u r breathing, and s lo w ly and a ttentive ly c h a n g in g

y o u r posture.

A l lo w all the muscles in y o u r b o d y to relax. D on 't fight o r s tru g­

gle. T h e r e are p eop le w h o , after fifteen minutes o f s itting m ed ita ­

tion, feel pain all o v er their b o d y because they 're m aking an effort

to sit o r s triv ing to succeed in their s itting m editation. Just a l low

y o u rse lf to be relaxed, as if y o u w ere sitting b y the ocean.

W h ile sitting, beg in b y fo l lo w in g y o u r in-breath and out-breath .

W h e n e v e r a feeling c o m e s up, re c o g n iz e it. W h e n e v e r a thought

arises, identify it and rec o g n ize it. You can learn a lot from o b se rv in g

what's g o in g on in y o u r b o d y and mind during the sitting m e d ita ­

tion. M o st o f all, s itting is a ch an c e for y o u to do nothing. You have

noth ing at all to do,- just e n jo y sitting and breath in g in and out.

Breathing in, I know I'm alive.

Breathing out, I smile to life, in me and around me.

Being alive is a miracle . Just sitting there, e n jo y in g y o u r in-breath

and out-breath is a lready happiness. S in ce you 're breath in g in and

out, y o u k n o w that you 're alive. That 's so m e th in g w orth celebrating .

S o s itting m editation is a w a y to ce lebrate life w ith y o u r in-breath

and y o u r out-breath .

It's im portant to a l low y o u r b o d y to relax com plete ly . D on 't try to

D aily Practices 11

b ec o m e a buddha. Just e n jo y sitting and acce p t yo u rse lf as y o u are.

1 ven if there's som e tension in y o u r body, som e pain in y o u r heart,

.u cept y o u rse lf like that. W ith the e n e rg y o f m indfulness o f b re a th ­

ing, y o u em brace y o u r b o d y and y o u r mind, y o u al low y o u rse lf to be

in a re laxed position and e n jo y y o u r breathing.

Breathing in, I have arrived.

Breathing out, I feel at home.

You don't need to run any m o re . Your true h o m e is in the here and

ihe now. You are solid and free. You can smile, re lax ing all the mus-

i les in y o u r face.

W e need som e training to be successfu l in our sitting. W e're

so used to a lw ays d o in g s o m e th in g — w ith our mind, w ith our

b o d y — that s itting d o w n and d o in g n o th in g can be difficult at first.

W h e n N e ls o n M a n d e la cam e to France to visit French president

I rancois M itterrand , the press asked Mr. M a n d e la w h a t he'd like

to do the most. FHe said, "W h a t I w ant to d o the m ost is to just sit

dow n and do noth ing. S in c e m y re lease from prison, I've been so

busy w ith no time to sit o r breathe. S o w h at I w ant the m ost is just

to sit d o w n and not d o an y th in g ."

If w e ga v e N e lso n M a n d e la a few d ays to sit and d o nothing,

would he k n o w h o w to do it? Because s itting and d o in g noth ing

doesn't seem to be ve ry easy for most o f us. W e're used to a lw ays

do ing som ething . W e need som e training to be able to sit and e n jo y

the sitting, to do noth ing and e n jo y d o in g nothing. Each o f us has

the habit e n e rg y o f a lw ays h av ing to be d o in g som ething. If w e r e

not d o in g som ething, w e can't stand it. S o just s itting d o w n and

d o in g noth ing is an art, the art o f s itting meditation.

If you 're h av ing trouble con centrat ing , co u n tin g is an exce llent

technique. Breathing in, count "one." Breath ing out, co u n t "one."

Ilreathing in, count "two." Breathing out, count "two." C o n t in u e up

to ten and then start co u n tin g o v er again. If at a n y time y o u forget

11 D aily Practices

w h ere y o u are, beg in again w ith "one." T h e m eth o d o f co u n tin g

helps us refrain from d w ell in g on tro ublesom e thoughts,- instead w e

con centra te on our breath in g and the number. W h e n w e h ave d e v e l ­

o p ed som e contro l o v er our th inking, c o u n t in g m ay b ec o m e tedious

and w e can ab and o n it and just fo l lo w the breath.

If yo u ap p ro ac h m editation as a fight to arrive so m e w h e re and

yo u try hard to ach ieve success, y o u won't be able to relax. L o o k out

the w indow . Perhaps there is a linden tree o r an oak tree out there.

T h e tree is beautiful and healthy, b e in g entire ly itself. It doesn't seem

that the tree is m aking any effort at all. It a llow s itself to be— fresh,

green , stable. Perhaps the tree is on a m ountain . T h e m ountain is

s tron g and solid, sup p ort ing all kinds o f life w ith ou t strain o r effort.

W h e n y o u practice sitting m editation, yo u are stable and solid like a

mountain. You can practice like this-.

Breathing in, I see myself as a mountain.

Breathing out, I enjoy my solidity.

T o succeed in y o u r sitting, release the tension in y o u r b o d y and

in y o u r feelings. G e t c o m fo rtab le in y o u r seated body. W h e n yo u

begin to breathe in and out, e n jo y the breath in g in, the breath in g

out. G iv e up any struggle and e n jo y sitting and smiling. T h is is a

priv i leged m om ent, h av in g the o p p o rtu n ity to sit quietly like this.

You are y o u r o w n island. N o b o d y at this m o m e n t can ask y o u to do

anyth ing. N o b o d y will disturb you , no one has the right to ask yo u

a question, o r to ask y o u to g o and wash the pots or c lean the b a t h ­

room. T h is is y o u r precious o p p o rtu n ity to relax and be yourself .

WALKING MEDITATION

I he mind can go in a thousand directions.

Hut on this beautiful path, I walk in peace.

With each step, a gentle wind blows.

With each step, a flower blooms.

W e w alk all the time, but usually it's m ore like running. O u r hurried

steps print an x ie ty and so rro w on the earth. If w e can take one step

in peace, w e can take tw o, three, four, and then five steps for the

peace and happiness o f hum ankind and the Earth.

W a lk in g m editation is w a lk in g just to e n jo y w alking . W a lk in g

w ithout arriving, that is the technique. T h e r e is a Sanskrit w ord,

apranihita. It means w ishlessness o r aimlessness. T h e idea is that w e

do not put a n y th in g ahead o f ourselves and run after it. W h e n w e

practice w a lk in g m editation, w e w alk in this spirit. W e just e n jo y the

w alking, w ith no particular aim o r destination. O u r w a lk in g is not a

means to an end. W e w alk for the sake o f w alking.

O u r mind tends to dart from one th in g to another, like a m o n k ey

sw in g in g from branch to branch w ith out s to p p in g to rest. T h o u g h ts

have m illions o f p athw ays , and th ey fo rever pull us a lo n g into the

w orld o f forgetfulness. If w e can transform our w a lk in g path into a

lield for m editation, our feet will take e v e r y step in full awareness.

O u r breath in g will be in h a rm o n y with our steps, and our mind will

naturally be at ease. E v ery step w e take will re inforce our p eace and

joy and cause a stream o f calm e n e rgy to flow through us. T h e n we

can say, "W ith each step, a gentle w in d blows.''

14 D aily Practices

You can practice w a lk in g m editation a n y tim e y o u w alk, even if

it's o n ly from the car to the office o r from the kitchen to the l iving

room . W h e n y o u w alk an y w h e re , a l low e n o u g h time to practice,-

instead o f three minutes, g ive yo u rse lf e ig h t o r ten. I a lw ays leave for

the airport an extra hour early so 1 can practice w a lk in g m editation

there. Friends w ant to keep me until the last minute, but 1 resist. I tell

them that 1 need the time. W a lk in g m editation is like eating. W ith

each step, w e nourish our b o d y and our spirit. W h e n w e w alk with

an x ie ty and sorrow, it's a k ind o f junk food. T h e fo od o f w a lk ing

m editation should be o f a h ig h er quality. Just w a lk s lo w ly and e n jo y

a banquet o f peace.

A. J . M u ste said, 'T h e r e is no w a y to peace,- peace is the way."

W a lk in g in mindfulness brings us peace and joy , and m akes our life

real. W h y rush? O u r final destination will o n ly be the cem etery. W h y

not w alk in the direction o f life, e n jo y in g p eace in each m om ent

with e v e ry step? T h e re is no need to struggle. E n jo y e ve ry step yo u

make. E v ery step brings y o u h o m e to the here and the now. T h is is

y o u r true h o m e — because o n ly in this m om ent, in this place, can life

be possible. W e have a lread y arrived.

T h e Earth is our mother. W h e n w e are a w a y from m o th er nature

for too long, w e get sick. Each step w e take in w a lk ing m editation

a llow s us to touch our mother, so that w e can be well again. A lot

o f harm has been d o ne to m o th er earth, so n o w it is time to kiss the

earth w ith our feet and heal our mother.

S o m e o f us m ay not be able to walk. W h e n w e practice w a lk ­

ing m editation at our retreats, each person w h o can't w alk ch ooses

so m e o n e w h o is practic ing w a lk in g m editation to w atch and b ecom e

one w ith , fo l lo w in g her steps in mindfulness. In this way, he makes

peaceful and serene steps to g e th e r w ith his partner, even th oug h he

h im self c an n o t walk.

W e w h o have tw o legs must not forget to be grateful. W e w alk for

ourselves, and w e w alk for those w h o c an n o t walk. W e w alk for all

l iv ing b e in gs— past, present, and future.

D aily Practices 15

Practice

W h e n y o u beg in to practice w a lk in g m editation, y o u m ig h t feel

unbalanced, like a b a b y taking her first steps. F o llow y o u r breathing,

dwell m indfu lly on y o u r steps, and soon y o u will find y o u r balance.

Visualize a t iger w a lk in g slowly, and y o u will find that y o u r steps

bet o m e as majestic as hers.

You m ay like to start b y practic ing w a lk in g m editation in the

inum ing, a l lo w in g the e n e rg y o f the pure m orn in g air to enter you.

Your m o vem ents will b e c o m e sm ooth and y o u r mind will b ec o m e

•ilert. T h ro u g h o u t the day, y o u will find y o u h ave a h e igh tened

Awareness o f y o u r actions. W h e n y o u m ake decisions after w a lk in g

meditation, y o u will find that y o u are m ore calm and clear, and have

more insight and com p ass ion . W ith each peaceful step y o u take, all

beings, near and far, will benefit.

As y o u w alk, p ay attention to each step yo u make. W a lk slowly.

I )on't rush. Each step brings y o u into the best m om ent o f y o u r life.

In w a lk in g m editation, y o u practice b e in g aw are o f the num ber

itl steps y o u m ake w ith each breath. N o t ic e each breath and h o w

in.my steps y o u take as y o u breathe in and breathe out. In w a lk ing

meditation w e m atch our steps to our breath, and not the o th e r w a y

Mound. W h e n y o u breathe in, take tw o o r three steps, d e p e n d in g

on the ca p a c i ty o f y o u r lungs. If y o u r lungs w ant tw o steps while

li ic. ithing in, then g ive e x a c t ly tw o steps. If y o u feel better with

iluce steps, then g ive y o u rse lf three steps. W h e n y o u breathe out,

rtlso listen to y o u r lungs. K n o w h o w m any steps yo u r lungs w ant yo u

10 make w h ile breath in g out.

Your in-breath is usually shorter than y o u r out-breath. So , y o u

nn^ht start y o u r practice w ith tw o steps for the in-breath and three

Ini the out-breath : 2-3,• 2-3,• 2 -3 . Or, 3-4,• 3-4,• 3-4. As w e continue,

inn b reath in g naturally b ec o m es s lo w er and m ore re laxed If yo u

11 cl yo u need to m ake one m ore step w h ile breath ing in, then allow

yourself to e n jo y that. W h e n e v e r y o u feel that you w ant to make

16 D aily Practices

one m ore step w h ile b reath in g out, then a l lo w y o u rse lf to h ave one

m ore step b reath in g out. E v e r y step should be en jo yab le .

D o n 't try to control y o u r breathing. A l lo w y o u r lungs as m uch

time and air as th ey need, and s im p ly notice h o w m any steps y o u

take as y o u r lungs fill up and h o w m a n y y o u take as th ey em pty,

b e ing mindful o f both y o u r breath and y o u r steps. T h e link is the

counting.

W h e n y o u w alk uphill o r d ow nhill , the num ber o f steps per breath

will c h an g e . A lw a y s fo l lo w the needs o f y o u r lungs. O b s e rv e them

deeply. D o n 't fo rget to practice smiling. Your half-sm ile will bring

calm and d e light to y o u r steps and y o u r breath, and help sustain

y o u r attention. A fter pract ic ing for half an h our o r an hour, y o u will

find that y o u r breath, y o u r steps, y o u r counting, and y o u r half-sm ile

c o m e to ge th e r easily.

A fter som e time o f practice , y o u will find that the in -breath and

the out-breath will b ec o m e c loser in length. Your lungs will be

healthier, and y o u r b lo o d will circulate better. Your w a y o f b re a th ­

ing will have been transformed.

W e can practice w a lk in g m editation b y co u n t in g steps or b y using

w ords . If the rhythm o f our breath in g is 3 -3 , for exam ple , w e can

say, silently, "Lotus f lower b loom s. Lotus f lower b loom s/ ' o r "T h e

green planet. T h e green planet," as w e walk. If our breath in g rhythm

is 2 -3 , w e m ig h t say, "Lotus flower. Lotus flow er b loom s." If w e are

taking five in-breaths and five out-breaths, w e m ay say: "W alk in g on

the green planet. W a lk in g on the green planet." O r "W alk in g on the

green planet, I'm w alk ing on the green planet," for 5-6.

W e don't just say the words . W e really see flowers b lo o m in g under

our feet. W e really b ec o m e one with our green planet. Feel free to

use y o u r ow n creat iv ity and w isd o m to create y o u r ow n w ords . H ere

are so m e that I w rote :

D aily Practices 17

P eace is every step.

T h e shin ing red sun is m y heart.

E a ch flo w e r smiles w ith me.

H o w green, h ow fre sh a ll that gro w s.

H o w cool the w in d blow s.

P eace is ev ery step.

It turns the endless path to jo y .

I very d a y y o u w alk so m ew h ere , so a d d in g w a lk in g m editation to

yo u r life doesn't take a lot o f additional time or require y o u to go

•m ywhere different. C h o o s e a p lace— a staircase, y o u r dr ivew ay, or

I he distance from one tree to anoth er— to do w a lk in g m editation

• very day. E v ery path can be a w a lk in g m editation path.

WAKING UP

W e can start our day with the happiness o f a smile and the aspiration

to dedicate ourselves to the path o f love and understanding. W e are

aw are that to d a y is a fresh, new day, and w e h ave tw e n ty - fo u r p re ­

cious hours to live.

Practice

As y o u w ak e up in the m o rn in g and open y o u r eyes, y o u m a y like to

recite this short m indfulness verse, called a gatha_:

W akin g up this m orning, 1 smile.

T w en ty -Jo u r b ra n d -n ew hours are before me.

I v o w to live f u l l y in each moment

a n d to look at a ll beings w ith eyes o f com passion.

T h e last line o f this gatha c o m e s from the Lotus Sutra.* T h e one

w h o looks at all beings with e yes o f co m p ass io n is Avalokitesh-

vara, the b o dhisattva w h o listens d e e p ly to the cries o f the world .

In the sutra, this line reads: "Eyes o f lov ing k indness look on all

l iving beings." Lo v e is im possib le w ithout understanding. In order

to understand others, w e must k n o w them and be inside their skin.

T h e n w e can treat them w ith lov ing kindness. T h e source o f love is

our fully aw aken ed mind.

*S e e Thich N hat Hanh, Peaceful Action, Open Heart: Insights on the Lotus Sutra (Berkeley, CA :

Parallax Press, 2 0 0 8 ).

D aily Practices 19

A lte r y o u w ake up, y o u p ro b a b ly o p en the curtains and look

uiitside. You m a y even like to open the w in d o w and feel the coo l

m orn in g air w ith the d e w still on the grass. W h e n yo u o p e n the w in ­

dow and lo o k out, see that life is in finitely marvelous. A t that v e ry

mom ent, y o u can v o w to be aw ake all d a y long, realiz ing joy , peace,

11 ced o m , and harm ony. W h e n y o u do this, y o u r m ind b e c o m e s c lear

like a ca lm river.

Iry to get up from bed right a w a y after e n jo y in g three deep

breaths to bring yo u rse lf into mindfulness. D on 't d e lay w akin g. You

m ay like to sit up and g e n t ly m assage y o u r head, neck, shoulders,

.md arms to get y o u r b lo o d circulating. You m ight like to do a few

stretches to loosen y o u r jo in ts and w ak e up y o u r body. D rin k in g

,i cup o f w arm w ater is also g o o d for our system first th in g in the

morning.

W ash y o u rse lf o r do w h a t y o u need to before h e a d in g to w o rk

or school o r to the m editation hall. A l lo w en o u gh time so y o u don't

have to rush. If it's still early, e n jo y the dark m orn in g sky. M a n y stars

.ire tw inkling and gre et in g us. Take deep breaths and e n jo y the cool,

Ircsh air. A s y o u w alk s lo w ly to the car, to sch ool, to w ork , o r to

the m editation hall, let the m orn in g fill y o u r being, aw a k e n in g y o u r

b o d y and mind to the jo y o f a new day.

W h a t better w a y to start the d ay than with a smile? Your smile

.iffirms y o u r awareness and determ ination to live in p eace and joy.

I lo w m any d ays slip b y in forgetfulness? W h a t are y o u d o in g with

yo u r life? L o o k deeply, and smile. T h e source o f a true smile is an

.iwakened mind.

H o w can y o u rem em b er to smile w h e n y o u w ake up? You m ight

hang a rem inder— such as a branch, a leaf, a painting, or some

inspiring w o rd s— in y o u r w in d o w or from the cei l ing a b o ve y o u r

bed. O n c e y o u d eve lo p the practice o f smiling, y o u m ay not need a

sign. You will smile as soon as yo u hear a bird s ing or see the sunlight

stream through the w indow , and this will help y o u ap p ro ac h the day

with m ore gentleness and understanding.

THE BELL

So m e t im e s w e need a sound to rem ind us to return to our con sc ious

breathing, w e call these sounds "bells o f mindfulness." In Plum V i l ­

lage and the o th e r practice centers in m y tradition, w e stop w h e n e v e r

w e hear the te leph one ringing, the c lo c k ch im ing , o r the m o nastery

bell sounding . T h e s e are our bells o f m indfulness. W h e n w e hear

the sound o f the bell, w e stop talking and stop m oving. W e relax

our b o d y and b ec o m e aw are o f our breathing. W e do it naturally,

w ith e n jo ym en t , and w ith o u t so lem nity or stiffness. W h e n w e stop

to breathe and restore our calm and our peace, w e b ec o m e free, our

w o rk b ec o m es m ore en jo y a b le , and the friend in front o f us b ec o m es

m ore real.

So m e t im e s our bodies m a y be hom e, but we're not truly hom e.

O u r mind is e lsewhere. T h e bell can help bring the m ind back to

the body. T hat 's h o w w e practice in a temple. Because the bell can

help us to g o back to ourselves, back to the present m om ent, w e

co n sid er the bell to be a friend, a b od h isattva that helps us to w ake

up to ourselves again.

A t ho m e, w e can use the r inging o f the te lephone, the local

church bells, the c ry o f a baby, o r even the sound o f a siren or a car

alarm as o ur bells o f mindfulness. W ith just three co n sc io us breaths

w e can release the tension in our b o d y and mind and return to a

coo l , c lear state o f being.

In V ietnam , 1 w as used to hearing the sound o f the Buddhist te m ­

ple bell. W h e n I cam e to the W est there w as no Buddhist bell; I

o n ly heard the church bell. O n e day w h en I'd been in Europe for

D aily Practices 21

M'vcral years, I w as d o in g w a lk in g m editation in Prague. S u d d e n ly I

In .ini the sound o f the ch u rch bell, and for the first time I w as able

I n touch d e e p ly the soul o f ancient Europe. S in c e then, e ve ry time I

In .11 the ch u rch bell, w h e th e r it's in Sw itz e r la n d o r France or Russia,

I d e e p ly touch the soul o f Europe. For those o f us w h o don't train

i ii it selves, the sound o f the bell doesn't mean much. But if w e train

i mi selves, the sound will have a v e r y spiritual m ean ing fo r us, and

will w ake up the m ost w ond erfu l things inside us. b

In our tradition, w e don't say "striking" the bell,- w e say " invit ing

the bell to sound." A n d the person w h o invites the bell is the bell

m,is ter. W e call the w o o d e n stick that invites the bell, "the inviter."

I here are m a n y kinds o f bells: b ig bells that can be heard b y the

w hole v i l lage o r n e ig h b o rh o o d ; sm aller bells that ann o unc e ac t iv i­

ties and can be heard all o v e r the practice center,- the b o w l bell in

the m editation hall that helps us w ith the practice o f b reath in g and

sitting,- and then there is the minibell , one o f the smallest bells: it fits

in a p o cket and w e can bring it a lo ng w ith us w h e re ve r w e go.

It's v e r y im portant to train ourselves to be able to invite the bell. If

we're solid, awake, free, v e ry mindful, then the sound o f the bell that

we o ffer can help p eop le touch w hat is d eepest within them.

Practice

W h e n you 're a bell m aster and y o u w ant to invite the bell to sound,

the first th ing y o u do is b o w to the bell. T h e bell is like a friend w h o

helps y o u b ring y o u r mind back to y o u r body. W h e n mind and b o d y

are together, sud d en ly we 're in the here and now, and w e can live

our life deeply.

If y o u have a small bell that fits in y o u r hand, after y o u b o w to

the bell, take the small bell and hold it in y o u r open palm. Imagine

that y o u r h and is a lotus f lower with five petals, and the small bell is

like a je w e l in the lotus flower. W h ile y o u hold the bell like this, you

practice mindful breath in g in and out. There 's a poem that helps you

22 D aily Practices

to bring y o u r m ind back to y o u r b o d y so that y o u can be truly p res­

ent. If y o u are not truly present in the here and the now, y o u can't

be a g o o d bell master. S o after h a v in g breath ed in and out tw o times

w ith this p oem , you 're qualified to be a bell master.

B o d y , speech, a n d m ind in perfect oneness,

I send m y heart a lon g w ith the sound o f this bell.

M a y the hearers aw aken fro m forgetfulness

an d transcend the path o f a n x ie ty a n d sorrow.

Four lines: one line for b reath in g in, one line for breath in g out, one

line for b reath in g in, one line for breath in g out. If yo u don't re m e m ­

ber the gatha, it's okay. You can just b reathe in and e n jo y y o u r in­

breath, and breathe out and e n jo y y o u r out-breath . T h a t will m ake

y o u into a bell m aster also. But the gatha is v e ry beautiful. You are

n o w ready to invite the bell to sound.

M a k e a half-sound in o rd er to w ake the bell up, gently. It's a v e ry

im portant w a rn in g to the bell and the people . You're b e in g gentle

to the bell so that it doesn't h ave a surprise. A n d y o u w ant to warn

p eo p le that a full sound o f the bell is c o m in g , so th ey can prepare

them selves to receive it w ith their true presence. In a practice center,

the sound o f the bell is like the vo ic e o f the Buddha from w ith in us,

ca ll ing us hom e. W h e n y o u w ake up the bell, p eo p le will stop their

th inking and their talking, and will g o back to their breath in g w h ile

th ey w ait for the sound o f the bell. You h ave to a l low them en o u gh

time to prepare them selves for the full soun d o f the bell, so y o u g ive

them the time o f o ne in-breath and one out-breath to be ready. T h e y

m ay be exc ited , sa y in g som ething , or th ink ing about som ething . But

w h en they hear the half sound, th ey kn o w th e y should stop— stop

thinking, stop talking, stop d o in g things— and prepare them selves

to be read y to hear the bell.

T h e n y o u invite the bell to sound a full sound. Breathe in and out

d e e p ly three times. If y o u e n jo y b reath in g in and e n jo y b reath in g

D aily Practices 23

out, then after three in-breaths and three out-breaths y o u b ec o m e

relaxed, calm , serene, mindful. You can rec ite this poem to y o u rse lf

.1*. y o u b reathe in and out:

Listen, listen.

T h is w on derfu l sound

brin gs me back

to m y true home.

I isten, listen" means listen with all y o u r heart w h en y o u b reathe in.

"M y true h om e" is life, w ith all its w o n d e rs that are availab le in the

here and the now. If yo u practice well , the K in g d o m o f G o d and the

I ’ure Land o f the Buddha will be available w h e n e v e r yo u g o h o m e to

yourse lf w ith the sound o f the bell.

TELEPHONE MEDITATION

D on't underestim ate the effect y o u r w o rd s have w h en y o u use right

speech. T h e w o rd s w e speak can build up understanding and love.

T h e y can be as beautiful as gem s, as lo v e ly as flowers, and th ey can

m ake m a n y p eo p le happy. But often, w h en w e speak on the phone,

w e are too busy d o in g too m any things at o n c e to focus on our

speech.

T h e te lep h o n e is a v e ry co n ve n ie n t means o f com m u nicat ion , and

the cell p h o n e even m ore so. It can save us travel time and expense.

But the te lep h o n e can also tyrannize us. If it is a lw ays ringing, we

are disturbed and can no t acco m p lish much. If w e talk on the p h one

w ithout awareness, w e w aste precious time and m oney. O fte n we

say things that are not important, w h ile around us are all the jo y s o f

the present m om ent: a child w anting to hold our hand, a bird s in g ­

ing, the sun shining.

W h e n the te lep h o ne rings, the bell creates in us a kind o f v ib ra ­

tion, m a y b e som e anxiety : " W h o is calling? Is it g o o d new s o r bad

news?" T h e r e is a force that pulls us to the phone. W e can no t resist.

W e can b e c o m e the vict im o f our ow n te lephone.

Practice

T h e next time y o u r p h o n e rings, stay e x a c t ly w h ere y o u are, and

b ec o m e aw are o f y o u r breathing: "Breathing in, I calm m y body.

Breathing out, I smile." W h e n the p h o n e rings the seco n d time,

breathe again. W h e n it rings the third time, continue practic ing

D aily Practices 2 5

l*ic.tilling, and then pick up the phone. R em em ber, y o u can be y o u r

own master, m o v in g like a buddha, d w e l l in g in m indfulness. W h e n

s i mi pick up the ph one, y o u are smiling, not o n ly for y o u r o w n sake,

I >ui .1 Iso for the sake o f the o th er person. If y o u are irritated o r angry,

I In:* o th e r person will rece ive y o u r negativity. But s ince y o u are smil-

HiK, h o w fortunate for her!

Before y o u m ake a p h o n e call, breathe in and out twice, and recite

I his verse:

W ords can travel thousands o f miles.

M a y m y w ords create m utual understanding a n d love.

M a y they be as beautifu l as gems,

as lo v e ly as flow ers.

T h e n pick up the p h o n e and dial. W h e n the bell rings, perhaps

your fr iend is b reath in g and sm iling and won't pick up the p h one

iinlil the third ring. C o n t in u e to practice: "Breathing in, I calm

my body. Breathing out, I smile." Both o f y o u are on y o u r phones,

breath ing and smiling. T h is is ve ry beautiful! You don't h ave to go

into a m editation hall to d o this w onderfu l practice. It is ava ilab le in

y o u r house o r office. P ractic ing te lep h o ne m editation can co u nter­

act stress and depression and bring the Buddha into y o u r da i ly life.

BOWING

W h e n w e greet so m eo n e with a bow, w e have the ch a n c e to be pres­

ent with that person and a c k n o w le d g e the c a p a c i ty for full aw a re ­

ness w ithin us and within the o th e r person. W e don't b o w just to be

polite o r d ip lom atic , but to rec o g n ize the m iracle o f b e in g a live and

the potential each person has to be awake. T o b o w o r not to b o w is

not the question. T h e im portant th in g is to be mindful.

Practice

W h e n w e see so m eo n e jo in his or her palms to b o w to us, w e can

do the same. Jo in in g our palms and breath in g in, w e silently say, "A

lotus for yo u ." B o w in g our head and b reath in g out, w e say, “A bud-

dha to be." W e do this in mindfulness, truly aw are that the person

is there in front o f us. W e b o w w ith all o ur s incerity o f our heart.

So m etim es, w h en w e feel a d eep c o n n ect io n to w h at is there in front

o f us, a sense o f aw e at the w o n d e rs o f life— w h e th e r that be a flower,

a sunset, a tree, o r the coo l drops o f rain— w e m ight like to b o w in

this w a y as well , to o f fe r our presence and gratitude.

W h e n w e b o w to the Buddha w e are really a c k n o w le d g in g the

c a p ac ity to be aw ake inherent within ourselves. P a y in g respect

to the Buddha, w h en understood and practiced in this way, is not

m ere ly d evot ional but also a w isd o m practice. W h e n w e b o w to

the great bodhisattvas, w e touch d eep ly the qualities th e y re p re ­

sent and feel d eep gratitude for those w h o fo l lo w their exam ple . In

D aily Practices 2 7

iln >wing respect for the great bodhisattvas, we're also dem onstrat ing

tun c om m itm e n t to practice the b od h isattva path and cu ltivate the

i n r rg y o f understanding, love, and co m p ass io n in ourselves. B o w in g

In I his spirit is a practice o f meditation.

GATHAS

Breathing, sitting, and w a lk in g m editation are w onderfu l , but in our

daily life w e can be so b u sy that w e forget our intention to breathe

or w alk mindfully. O n e w a y to help us dwell in the present m om ent

is to practice with gathas o r m indfulness verses. G a th a s are short

verses that help us practice m indfulness in our da i ly activities. A

gatha can o p en and d eepen our e x p er ien ce o f sim ple acts that we

often take for granted. Focusing our mind on a gatha, w e return to

ourselves and b ec o m e m ore aw are o f each action. W h e n the gatha

ends, w e con tinu e our activ ity with h e ig h ten ed awareness. A t Plum

Village, w h e re 1 live in France, w e practice gathas w h en w e w a k e up,

w h en w e enter the m editation hall, during meals , and w h en w e wash

the dishes. In fact, w e recite gathas silently th ro u gh o ut the entire

d ay to help us attend to the present m om ent.

W h e n w e drive a car, s igns can help us find our way. W h e n w e see

a sign, it can guide us a lo n g the w a y until the next sign. W h e n w e

practice with gathas, the gathas can gu ide our daily activities, and

w e can live our entire d a y in awareness.

Practice

W h e n y o u turn on the w ater faucet, look d e e p ly and see h o w p re­

cious the w ater is. R em em b er not to waste a s ingle drop because there

are so m a n y p eop le in the w orld w h o don't have enou gh to drink.

W ater flo w s from high m ountains.

W ater runs deep in the Earth.

D aily Practices 29

M ir a c u lo u s ly w ater comes to us

an d sustains a ll life, o

W hile brush ing y o u r teeth, y o u can m ake a v o w to use lo v in g sp eech

with this gatha:

B ru sh in g m y teeth a n d rinsing m y mouth,

I v o w to speak p u re ly a n d lo v in g ly .

W hen m y mouth is fra g r a n t w ith right speech,

a flo w e r blooms in the g a rd en o f m y heart.

l!< lore turning on the e n g in e o f y o u r car, y o u can prepare for a safe

tourney b y rec it ing the gath a for starting the car:

Before starting the ca r

I k now where I am g o in g .

T h e c a r a n d I are one.

I f the c a r goes fa st, I g o fa st.

1 he gath a brings y o u r m ind and b o d y together. W ith a calm and

i lear mind, fully aw are o f the activities o f y o u r body, y o u are less

likely to get into a car accident.

G a th a s are nourishm ent for y o u r m ind and body, g iv in g you

peace, calm , and joy, w h ic h y o u can share with others. T h e y help

you to bring the uninterrupted practice o f m editation into e ve ry part

o f y o u r day. You can start w ith the gathas here, find m o re in the

b ook Present M om ent W onderful M om ent, o r y o u can w rite y o u r ow n.*

W rit ing y o u r o w n gathas is a lo ng stan d in g Z e n tradition, o n e that I

inherited from m y teacher and pass on to m y students.

* See T hich N hat Hanh, Present Moment Wonderful Moment: Mindfulness Verses for Daily Living and

Present Moment Wonderful Moment: 52 Inspirational Cards and a Companion Book (Berkeley, C A : Paral­

lax Press, 20 0 6 ).

I HAVE ARRIVED, 1 AM HOME

Im agine y o u are on a plane fly ing to N e w York. O n c e y o u sit dow n

on the plane, y o u think, "I h ave to sit here for six hours befo re I

arrive." S it t in g in the plane y o u think o n ly o f N e w York, and you

are not able to live the m om ents that are o f fe red to y o u now. But it

is possible for y o u to w alk on to the plane in such a w a y that you

e n jo y e v e ry step. You don't need to arrive in N e w York in o rder to be

peaceful and happy. As y o u w alk on to the plane, e ve ry step brings

y o u happiness, and y o u arrive in e ve ry m om ent. T o arrive means to

arrive som ew h ere . W h e n w e practice w a lk in g m editation, w e arrive

in e ve ry m o m e n t— w e arrive at the destination o f life. T h e present

m om ent is a destination. Breath ing in, I m ake a step and another

step, and I tell m yself , "I h ave arrived, I have arrived."

"I h ave arrived" is our practice. W h e n w e breathe in, w e take re f­

uge in our in-breath, and w e say, "I have arrived." W h e n w e make

a step, w e take refuge in our step, and w e say, "I have arrived." T h is

is not a s tatem ent to y o u rse lf o r anoth er person. "I h ave arrived"

means I h ave sto p p ed running, I have arrived in the present m om ent,

because o n ly the present m o m ent contains life. W h e n 1 breathe in

and take refuge in m y in-breath, I touch life deeply. W h e n 1 take a

step and I take refuge entire ly in m y step, I a lso touch life deeply,

and by d o in g so I stop running.

S t o p p in g running is a v e ry im portant practice. W e h ave been

running all our life. W e b el ieve that peace, happiness, and su c­

cess are present in som e o th e r p lace and time. W e don't k n o w that

D aily Practices 3 1

eve ry th in g — peace, happiness, and s tability— should be lo o ked for

m the here and the now. T h is is the address o f life— the intersection

• »t here and now.

W h e n w e practice this m editation, w e arrive in each m om ent.

< )iir true h o m e is in the present m om ent. W h e n w e enter the present

m om ent deeply , our regrets and sorrow s disappear, and w e d isc o ver

lile w ith all its w onders.

Practice

I h ave arrived . I am borne.

In the here, in the now.

I am solid. I am free.

In the ultimate, I dw ell.

I his verse is w onderfu l to practice during w a lk in g m editation. As

you breathe in, y o u say, "Arrived" with each step, and as y o u breathe

out, y o u say "H o m e" w ith each step. If y o u r rhythm is 2 -3 , y o u will

say, "Arrived, arrived. H o m e , hom e, hom e," co o rd in at ing the w ords

and y o u r steps a c c o rd in g to the rhythm o f y o u r breathing.

A fter practic ing “A rr ive d /H o m e " for a w hile , if y o u feel relaxed

and fully present with each step and each breath, yo u can sw itch to

"I lere/Now." T h e w o rd s are different, but the practice is the same.

T h is verse also w orks well in s itting m editation. Breath ing in, w e

say to ourselves, "1 have arrived." Breathing out, w e say, "I am hom e."

W h e n w e do this, w e o v e rc o m e dispersion and dwell peace fu lly in

the present m om ent, w h ic h is the o n ly m o m ent for us to be alive.

"1 h ave arrived" is a practice, not a statem ent or declaration. I

have arrived in the here and the now, and I can touch life d eep ly

with all o f its w onders. T h e rain is a wonder,- the sunshine is a w o n ­

der,- the trees are a wonder,- the faces o f ch ildren are a wonder. T h e re

are so m a n y w ond ers o f life around y o u and inside you . Your eyes

32 D aily Practices

are a wonder,- y o u need o n ly to o p en them to see all k inds o f co lors

and forms. Your heart is a wonder,- if y o u r heart stops beating , then

n o th ing can continue.

W h e n y o u g o h o m e to the present m om ent, y o u touch the

w o n d ers o f life that are inside y o u and around you . Just e n jo y this

moment,- y o u don't have to w ait for to m o rro w to have peace and joy.

W h e n y o u breathe in y o u say, "1 have arrived," and y o u will know

w h e th e r y o u h ave arrived or not, y o u will k n o w w h e th e r y o u are

still running o r not. Even sitting quietly, y o u m ay still be running in

y o u r mind. W h e n y o u feel y o u have arrived, y o u will be v e ry happy.

You must tell y o u r friend, "D ea r friend, I h ave really arrived." T h is

is g o o d news.

TAKING REFUGE

W h e n w e find ourselves in dangerous o r difficult situations, o r w hen

we feel like w e are los ing ourselves, w e can practice tak ing refuge.

Instead o f p an ick ing or g iv in g ourselves up to despair, w e can put

our trust in the p o w e r o f se lf-healing, se lf-understanding, and lov ing

within us. W e call this the island within ourselves in w h ic h w e can

take refuge. It is an is land o f peace, con fiden ce , solidity, love, and

freedom. Be an island w ithin yourself . You don't h ave to lo o k for it

e lsewhere.

W e w ant to feel safe and protected. W e w ant to feel calm. S o

w hen a situation seem s to be turbulent, o v erw h e lm in g , full o f suffer­

ing, w e have to practice taking refuge in the Buddha, the Buddha in

ourselves. Each o f us has the seed o f b u d d h a h o o d , the c a p a c ity for

b e ing calm , understanding, com pass ionate , and for taking refuge in

the island o f safety w ithin us so w e can m aintain our hum anness, our

peace, our hope^iPractic ing like this, w e b ec o m e an island o f peace

and com p ass ion , and w e m ay inspire others to do the same.

Practice

U se this gath a to return to yourself , w h e re v e r y o u are:

Breath in g in, I g o back to the islan d w ithin m yself.

T here are beautiful trees w ithin the island.

T h ere are cool streams o f water,

34 D aily Practices

there are birds, sunshine, a n d fresh air.

B reath in g out, I feel safe.

W e are like a boat cro ss ing the ocean. If the boat encounters a

storm and e v e ry o n e panics, the b oat will turn over. If there is one

person in the boat w h o can remain calm, that person can inspire

o th er p e o p le to be calm. T h e n there will be h o p e for the w h o le

boatload. W h o is that person w h o can stay calm in the situation of

distress? E ach o f us is that person. W e cou nt on each other.

THE FIVE MINDFULNESS TRAININGS

I lie l ive M in dfu lness Trainings are o ne o f the most c o n crete w a y s

in practice mindfulness. T h e y are nonsectarian and their nature is

universal. T h e y are rea lly the practices o f co m p ass io n and under-

'.i.mding. All spiritual traditions h ave their equivalent to the five

mindfulness trainings as guidelines, s ignposts for h o w to respond to

ill o f the var ied and som etim es un h ea lth y ch o ic e s that are available

m our society .

T h e first training is to protect life, to decrease v io le n ce in one-

'.<•11, in the family, and in society . T h e seco n d training is to practice

'.<>» lal justice, generosity , not stealing, and not exp lo i t in g o th e r liv­

ing beings. T h e third is the practice o f responsible sexual b eh av io r

in order to protect individuals , couples, families, and children . T h e

lourth is the practice o f deep listening and lov ing sp eec h to restore

i om m unication and for reconciliat ion to take place. T h e fifth is

.ibout m indful con sum ption , to help us not bring toxins and p o i­

sons into our body, our mind,- not to co n su m e television, m agazines,

films, and so on that conta in a lot o f po isons like v io lence , craving,

and hatred.

T h e F ive M indfu lness Trainings are based on the precepts d e v e l­

o ped d uring the time o f the Buddha to be the foundation o f practice

lor the entire lay practice com m unity .

I have translated these precepts for m odern times as T h e Five

M indfu lness Trainings because m indfulness is at the foundation of

< nch one o f them. W ith mindfulness, w e are aw are o f w h at is g o in g

on in our bodies, our feelings, our minds, and the w orld , and w e

36 D aily Practices

a vo id d o in g harm to ourselves and others. M in dfu lness protects us,

our families, and our society , and ensures a safe and h a p p y present

and a safe and h a p p y future. W h e n w e are mindful, w e can see that

b y refra ining from d o in g this, w e prevent that from h appening. Wc

arrive at our o w n unique insight, not so m e th in g im posed on us by

an outside authority. It is the fruit o f our ow n observation. Practic ing

the m indfu lness trainings, therefore , helps us be m ore calm and c o n ­

centrated and brings m ore insight and enligh tenm ent, w h ic h makes

our practice o f the mindfulness trainings m o re solid.

In the practice centers in m y tradition, both m onastic and lay-

p eop le agree to o b serve these trainings to support our practice ol

m indfulness and living harm on iously together. N o sm okin g , no

dr ink ing a lcoh ol , and no sexual m iscon duct constitute part o f T h e

Five M in dfu lness Trainings to be ob served at our practice centers.

A n y o n e at any time can d ecide to live b y T h e Five M indfulness

Trainings. W h e n w e practice T h e Five M in dfu lness Trainings, wc

b ec o m e bodhisattvas he lp in g to create harm ony, protect the e n v i­

ronm ent, sa feguard peace, and cu ltivate b ro th e rh o o d and sister­

hood. N o t o n ly do w e safeguard the beauties o f our o w n culture

but those o f o th er cultures as well, and all the beauties o f the Earth.

W ith T h e Five M indfu lness Trainings in our hearts, w e are already

on the path o f transform ation and healing.

Practice

THE FIRST T r a i n i n g A w are o f the suffering caused b y the destruc­

tion o f life, I v o w to cu ltivate com passion and learn w a y s to protect

the lives o f people , animals , plants, and minerals . I am determ ined

not to kill, not to let others kill, and not to c o n d o n e any act o f kill­

ing in the w orld , in m y thinking, and in m y w a y o f life.

THE SECOND T r a i n i n g A w a r e o f th e s u f f e r in g c a u s e d b y e x p l o i t a ­

t io n , so c ia l in ju st ice , s te a l in g , a n d o p p r e s s io n , I v o w to c u l t i v a t e lov-

D aily Practices 37

luy kindness and learn w a y s to w o rk for the w e l l -b e in g o f people ,

rtitlmals, plants, and minerals . 1 v o w to practice g e n ero sity b y shar­

ing m y time, energy, and material resources with those in real need.

I .mi determ ined not to steal and not to possess a n y th in g that should

belong to others. 1 will respect the p ro perty o f others, but 1 will

prevent others from profit ing from hum an suffering o r the suffering

nl o i l ie r species on Earth.

Ini THIRD T r a i n i n g A w are o f the suffering caused b y sexual mis-

i onduct, 1 v o w to cu ltivate responsibil ity and learn w a y s to protect

I In safety and integrity o f individuals , couples, families, and society.

I .mi determ ined not to e n g a g e in sexual relations w ith ou t love and

.i long-term com m itm en t. T o preserve the happiness o f m y se lf and

others, 1 am determ ined to respect m y co m m itm en ts and the c o m ­

mitments o f others. I will do e ve ry th in g in m y p o w e r to protect

( luldren from sexual abuse and to prevent couples and families from

b r in g broken b y sexual m isconduct.

I III FOURTH T r a i n i n g Aw are o f the suffering caused b y unmindful

•.|><Tch and the inability to listen to others, I v o w to cult ivate lo v ­

ing speech and deep listening in o rder to bring j o y and happiness

lo others and relieve others o f suffering. K n o w in g that w o rd s can

i urate happiness or suffering, I v o w to learn to speak truthfully, with

words that inspire se lf-confidence, joy , and hope. 1 am determ ined

not to spread news that I d o not kn ow to be certain and not to criti-

i i/e o r c o n d e m n things o f w h ic h 1 am not sure. I will refrain from

til lering w o rd s that can cause division or d iscord, or w o rd s that can

....... the fam ily o r the co m m u n ity to break. I will m ake all efforts to

reconcile and resolve all conflicts, h o w e v e r small.

l l l E FIFTH T r a i n i n g A w are o f the suffering caused b y unmindful

( onsum ption, I v o w to cultivate g o o d health, both physica l and

mental, for m yself , m y family, and m y so c ie ty b y p ractic ing mindful

38 D aily Practices

eating, drinking, and con sum ing . I v o w to ingest o n ly items that

preserve peace, w e ll-be ing , and j o y in m y body, in m y c o n sc io u s­

ness, and in the co l lec t ive b o d y and consc iousness o f m y fam ily and

society . I am determ ined not to use a lcoh ol o r any o th er intoxicant

o r to ingest fo ods o r o th er items that contain toxins, such as certain

t v program s, m agazines, books , films, and conversations . 1 am aware

that to dam age m y b o d y and m y consc iousness w ith these poisons is

to b etray m y ancestors, m y parents, m y society , and future g e n e ra ­

tions. I will w o rk to transform v io lence , fear, anger, and confusion in

m y se lf and in so c ie ty b y practic ing a diet for m yse lf and for society.

I understand that a p ro per diet is crucial for se lf-transform ation and

the transform ation o f society .

EATING PRACTICES

MINDFUL EATING

I'be bread in m y h an d is the b o d y o f the cosmos.

I ating is a m editative practice. W e should try to offer our full pres­

ence for e ve ry meal. As w e serve our food, w e can a lread y begin

practicing. Se rv in g ourselves, w e realize that m any elem ents, such

as the rain, sunshine, earth, and the care taken b y the farmers and

ihe cook s, have all c o m e to g eth er to form this w onderfu l meal. In

lact, through this food w e see that the entire universe is sup p ort ing

our existence.

H a v in g the op p o rtu n ity to sit and e n jo y w onderfu l fo od is s o m e ­

thing precious, so m e th in g not e ve ry o n e has. M a n y p eo p le in the

world are hungry. W h e n 1 hold a b ow l o f rice or a p iece o f bread,

I k n o w that 1 am fortunate, and I feel com p ass ion for all those w h o

have no fo o d to eat and are w ithout friends or family. T h is is a very

deep practice. W e do not need to go to a tem ple or a ch u rch in order

to practice this. W e can practice it right at our d inner table. M indfu l

eating can cultivate seeds o f com pass ion and understanding that will

strengthen us to do so m e th in g to help h u n g ry and lonely p eop le be

nourished.

Practice

Eating a meal in m indfulness is an im portant practice '/Turn o ff the

T V , put d o w n the newspaper, and w o rk to ge th e r for five o r ten m in­

utes, setting the table and finishing w h a te ve r needs to be d o n e .

42 Eating Practices

D u r in g these few minutes, y o u can be v e ry happy. W h e n the fo od is

on the table and e v e ry o n e is seated, practice breathing: "Breathing

in, 1 ca lm m y body. Breathing out, 1 smile," three times.

T h e n , lo o k at each person as y o u breathe in and out in ord er to

be in touch w ith y o u rse lf and e v e ry o n e at the table. You don't need

tw o hours in o rder to see an o th er person. If y o u are really settled

w ithin yourself , y o u o n ly need to lo o k for one or tw o seconds, and

that is e n o u gh to see y o u r friend o r fam ily member. I think that if a

fam ily has five m em bers, o n ly about five o r ten seco nd s is need ed to

practice this " lo o k ing and seeing."

A fter breathing, smile. S it t in g at the table with o th er p eo p le is a

ch a n c e to o f fer an authentic smile o f fr iendship and understanding.

It is ve ry easy, but not m a n y p eo p le do it. T o me, the m ost im por­

tant part o f the practice is to look at each p erson and sm ile . If the

p eop le eat in g to g eth er can no t smile at each other, the situation is a

v e ry d ang erous one.

A fter breath in g and smiling, look d o w n at the food in a w a y that

a llow s the food to b ec o m e real. T h is fo od reveals y o u r con nect ion

w ith the Earth. Each bite conta ins the life o f the sun and the Earth.

T h e extent to w h ic h our fo o d reveals itself dep end s on us. You can

see and taste the w h o le universe in a piece o f bread! C o n te m p la t in g

y o u r fo o d for a few seco nd s befo re eating, and eating in m indfu l­

ness, can bring y o u m uch happiness.

U p o n finishing y o u r meal, take a few m om ents to notice that you

h ave finished, y o u r b ow l is now e m p ty and y o u r hunger is satis­

fied. You can take a m om ent to be grateful that y o u have had this

nourishing fo od to eat, sup p ort ing y o u on the path o f love and

understanding.

T h e meal is fin ish ed, m y hunger satisfied,

I vo iv to live fo r the benefit o f a ll beings.

From time to time, y o u m ight w ant to try the practice o f eat in g in

s ilence w ith y o u r fam ily o r friends. Eating in silence allows us to see

Eating Practices 43

i lu- preciousness o f the fo o d and our friends, and also our c lo se re la ­

tionship w ith the Earth and all species. E v e ry vegetab le , e v e ry drop

of water, e v e ry p iece o f bread conta ins in it the life o f our w h o le

I'I.met and the sun. W ith each bite o f food, w e can taste the m ean ing

.mil value o f our life. W e can m editate on the plants and animals , on

i lie w o rk o f the farmer, and on the m any thousands o f ch ildren w h o

die each d ay for lack o f food. S i tt ing silently at the table w ith others,

we also h ave the o p p o rtu n ity to see them c lear ly and deeply , and to

smile to co m m u n ic ate real love and friendship. T h e first time y o u eat

in silence, it m ay seem aw kw ard , but after y o u get used to it, silent

meals can bring a lot o f peace, joy , and insight. It's like turning off

I he Tv befo re eating. W e "turn off" the ta lk ing som etim es in o rder to

en jo y the fo o d and the presence o f one another.

I do not rec o m m en d silent meals ev e ry day. I think talking to each

other is a w onderfu l w a y to be in touch. But w e have to distinguish

im ong different kinds o f talk. S o m e subjects can separate us, for

instance if w e talk about o th er people 's sh ortcom ings. T h e fo od that

has been prepared care fu l ly will have no value if w e let this kind o f

I.ilk d om inate our meal. W h e n instead w e speak about th ings that

nourish our awareness o f the fo od and our b e ing together, w e c u l­

tivate the kind o f happiness that is necessary for us to grow. If we

i om pare this exp er ience with the e x p er ien ce o f talking about o th er

people's sh ortcom ings, I think awareness o f a piece o f bread in y o u r

mouth is a much m ore nourishing exp erience . It brings life in and

makes life real.

I p ro po se that during eating, you refrain from discussing subjects

that can destroy y o u r aw areness o f the fam ily and the food. But you

should feel free to say th ings that can nourish awareness and h a p p i­

ness. For instance, if there's a dish that y o u like very m uch, y o u can

see if o th er p eop le are also e n jo y in g it, and if one o f them is not,

you can h e lp her appreciate the w onderfu l dish prepared with lov ing

care. If so m eo n e is th inking about so m e th in g oth er than the g o o d

lood on the table, such as his difficulties in the office or w ith friends,

44 Eating Practices

it m eans h e is losing the present m om ent, and the food. You can say,

"T h is dish is w onderful , don't y o u agree?" W h e n y o u say som ething

like this, y o u will draw him out o f his th in kin g and worries , and

b ring him back to the here and now, e n jo y in g you , e n jo y in g the

wonderfu l dish. You b ec o m e a bodhisattva , h e lp in g a l iving bein^

b ec o m e en lightened .

In our practice centers, w e invite the bell three times b efore ea t­

ing, and then w e eat in s ilence for about tw en ty minutes. Eating

in silence, w e are fully aw are o f our food's nourishm ent. In order

to d eepen our practice o f m indful eat in g and support the peaceful

a tm osphere , w e remain seated during this silent period. A t the end

o f this time, tw o sounds o f the bell will be invited. W e m a y then

start a mindful con versat ion with our friend o r b eg in to get up from

the table.

THE FIVE CONTEMPLATIONS

< o n t e m p l a t i n g o u r fo o d for a few seco nd s before eat in g and eat-

iiiK tn m indfulness can b r in g us much happiness. In our practice c e n ­

ters, w e use the Five C o n te m p la t io n s as a w a y o f rem ind ing us w here

utn lo o d co m e s from and its purpose.

T h e first co n tem p lat io n is b e ing aw are that our fo o d co m es

il ircctly from the earth and sky. It is a gift o f the earth and sky, and

•tl'.o o f the p eop le w h o prepared it. T h e seco nd co n tem p lat io n is

About b e in g w o r th y o f the fo od w e eat. T h e w a y to be w o r t h y o f our

lood is to eat m indfu lly— to be aw are o f its presence and thankful

I t ii h aving it. W e can no t a l low ourselves to get lost in our worries,

l « m i s , o r a nger o v er the past o r the future. W e are there for the food

because the food is there for us,- it is o n ly fair. Eat in mindfulness,

.mil y o u will be w o rth y o f the earth and the sky.

I he third con tem p lat ion is about b e c o m in g aw are o f our negative

tendencies and not a l lo w in g them to carry us away. W e need to learn

how to eat in m oderation, to eat the right am ount o f food. T h e bow l

ili.it is used b y a m onk or a nun is referred to as the "instrument o f

.tppropriate measure." It is v e ry im portant not to overeat. If y o u eat

-.lowly and c h e w v e ry carefully , yo u will get p lenty o f nutrition. T h e

li^ht am ount o f food is the am ount that helps us stay healthy.

The fourth con tem p lat ion is about the quality o f our food. W e

.ire determ ined to ingest o n ly food that has no toxins for o ur b o d y

.ind our consc iousness , fo o d that keeps us h ea lth y and nourishes our

com passion. T h is is mindful eating. T h e Buddha said that if y o u eat

m such a w a y that co m p ass io n is d e stro yed in you , it is like eating

46 Eating Practices

the flesh o f y o u r o w n children . S o practice eat in g in such a w a y that

y o u can keep com p assion alive in you.

T h e fifth con tem p lat ion is b e in g aw are that w e receive food in

o rder to realize som ething . O u r lives should h ave m ean in g and that

m ean ing is to help p eo p le suffer less, and help them to touch the

jo y s o f life. W h e n w e h ave com p ass ion in our hearts and k n o w that

w e are able to help a person suffer less, li fe b eg ins to h ave more

meaning. T h is is v e ry im portant fo od for us and can bring us a lot ol

joy . A single person is cap ab le o f h e lp in g m a n y liv ing beings. A nd it

is so m e th in g w e can do any w h ere .

Practice

T HE FIRST C o n t e m p l a t i o n T h is food is a g ift o f the w h o le universe:

the earth, the sky, num erous l iv ing beings, and m uch hard, loving

w ork .

T he S e c o n d C o n t e m p l a t i o n M a y w e eat w ith m indfulness and

gratitude so as to be w o rth y to receive this food.

THE THIRD C o n t e m p l a t i o n M a y w e re c o gn iz e and transform our

u n w h o leso m e mental formations, esp ec ia l ly our greed, and learn to

eat in m oderation.

T he Fo u r t h C o n t e m p l a t i o n M a y w e keep our com pass ion alive

b y eating in such a w a y that w e reduce the suffering o f l iv ing beings,

preserve our planet,- and reverse the process o f g lobal w arm ing.

T he F if t h C o n t e m p l a t i o n W e accept this fo od in order to nurture

our b ro th e rh o o d and sisterhood,- build our comminity,- and nourish

our ideal o f serv ing all l iv ing beings.

THE KITCHEN

In these fresh vegetables

I ve a green sun.

All Aharmas join together

Id make life possible.

I lie k itchen can be a m editative practice space. Let us be mindful

when w e are c o o k in g o r c leaning. W e can do our tasks in a relaxed

m d serene way, fo l lo w in g our b reath ing and k eep in g our c o n c e n tra ­

tion on the work.

I )ractice

In y o u r o w n kitchen, y o u m ight want to create a k itchen altar to

remind yo u rse lf to practice m indfulness w h ile co o k ing . It can be just

.1 small she lf w ith en o u gh room for an incense ho lder and perhaps a

small f low er vase, a beautiful stone, a small picture o f an ancestor or

.1 spiritual teacher, or a statue o f the Buddha o r a b odh isattva— w h a t­

ever is m ost m eaningful to you . W h e n y o u c o m e into the k itchen,

vou can b eg in y o u r w o rk b y o f fer ing incense and practic ing mindful

breathing, m aking the kitchen into a m editation hall.

W h i le co o k ing , a llow en o u gh time so y o u don't feel rushed. Be

.iware that you , and a n y o n e else you 're c o o k in g for, d ep end on

this fo o d for their practice. T h is awareness will gu ide y o u to c o o k

healthy fo o d infused with y o u r love and mindfulness.

W h e n you 're c lean ing the k itchen o r w ash in g dishes, d o it as if

48 Eating Practices

you 're c le a n in g the altar in the m editation hall or w ash in g the b.ihy

Buddha. W a sh in g in this way, y o u can feel j o y and peace radi.UI

within and around you.

Washing the dishes

is like bathing a baby Buddha.

The profane is the sacred.

Everyday mind is Buddhas mind.

TEA MEDITATION

|t it meditation is a time to be w ith our co m m u n ity in a jo y fu l and

atm osphere . Just to e n jo y our tea to ge th e r is e no u gh . It is

lil i .1 "go o d news" occasion , w h en w e share our jo y and happiness

III I M ing together.

Ai times, w h e n w e are d r in k in g tea w ith a friend, w e are not

IWiih* o f the tea o r e ven o f o ur fr iend sit t ing there. P ra ct ic in g tea

M ri l i i . i l io n is to be truly present w ith o ur tea and o ur fr iends. W e

In i ignize that w e can dw ell h a p p i ly in the present m o m e n t despite

rtll nl our so rro w s and w orr ies . W e sit there re laxed w ith o u t h av in g

| | y a n y th in g . If w e like, w e m a y also share a song , a s tory, o r a

•Unc c.

We m ay like to bring a musical instrument o r prepare so m eth ing

l l ir .u l o f time. It is an o p p o rtu n ity for us to w ater the seeds o f happi-

-md joy , o f understanding and love in each one o f us.

I ’hlitice

I I n c is the w a y w e o rgan ize a formal tea m editation in Plum Village.

( hlldren e n jo y this practice v e ry much. T h e y can he lp greet the

■Bents as th ey enter, and a ch i ld can be the one to of fer the tea and

n io k ie to the Buddha. S o m etim es the ch ildren organize their ow n

Inn onad e m editation to w h ic h they invite their parents and friends.

Nmi can m o d ify the tea c e r e m o n y to fit a n y occasion . Tea meditation

i .m be as sim ple as sharing a cup o f tea with a g o o d friend.

In a Tea C e re m o n y , e v e ry th in g is d one w ith mindfulness. T h e

50 Eating Practices

hosts for the Tea C e r e m o n y will need to c o m e to ge th e r as a team

well in advance . T h e y will need to prepare the tea and biscuits, the

m editation room , and them selves in m indfu lness in order to w e l ­

c o m e their h o n o re d guests.

H O S T S

Tea Master, Bell Master, Incense O fferer, Tea O ffe re r (w h o offers tea

to the Buddha), Tea Servers (d ep en d in g on numbers, usually tw o are

needed), Assistant Tea Servers (one for each Tea Server)

I T E M S N E E D E D

Incense, candles, matches, small bell, large bell, napkins (leaves can

be used), cook ies , tea and teapots, trays, p late with flower, tea and

co o k ie for o f fe r ing to the Buddha

W E L C O M I N G T H E G U E S T S

• T h e hosts for the tea m editation stand in tw o ro w s on each side

o f the entry d o o r and b o w to each guest as th e y enter the m ed ita ­

tion room . T h e guests pass betw een the hosts and sit in sequence

around the room fac ing inward, ushered to their cushions b y the

Tea Assistants. W h ile seated, e ve ry o n e e n jo y s sitting meditation,

fo l lo w in g their breath in silence.

• O n c e e v e ry o n e has been w e lc o m e d into the room , the hosts take

their seats. T h e Bell M aster w akes up and invites the small bell to

signal to p eo p le to stand up and face the altar.

I N C E N S E O F F E R I N G

• T h e Tea M aster and the Incense O ffe re r w alk m indfu lly to the

altar, and the Incense O ffe re r lights incense. A fter b o w in g to each

other, the Incense O ffe re r passes the incense to the Tea M aster

and stands to the side.

• T h e Bell M a ste r invites the large bell three times. T h e Tea M aster

chants the incense o f fe r ing b efore passing incense to the Incense

Eating Practices 5 1

O ffe r e r w h o places it at the altar. T h is is the time w h en , if w e

wish, w e can b o w to the Buddha and bodhisattvas .*

• T h e Tea M a ste r turns to face the c o m m u n ity and w e lc o m e s e v e r y ­

one to the Tea C e re m o n y . "A lotus for you , all buddhas to be!"

T h e Bell M a ste r invites the small bell, and e ve ry o n e sits d ow n.

( U T E R I N G F O R T H E B U D D H A

• A Tea Se rv e r m indfu lly pours tea into a cup to offer to the Bud­

dha and ho lds the deco rated plate/tray w ith tea and c o o k ie for

o f fe r in g at head level. T h e Tea O ffe re r w alks m indfu lly to the Tea

Server, b ow s, takes the plate, and walks m indfu lly to the Tea M a s ­

ter. T h e Tea M aster stands up, bow s, takes the Buddha's plate, and

walks m indfu lly to the altar, b ow s, kneels, and places the plate on

the altar. T h e Bell M a ste r invites the bell as the plate is p laced on

the altar. T h e Tea O ffe r e r and Tea M a ste r return to their cushions

and b o w to each o th e r b efore sitting d ow n. If a ch ild o r a y o u n g

person is present, th ey can be the one to p lace the o f fe r in g on the

altar.

S E R V I N G T H E G U E S T S

• The Tea Servers now pass the tray o f cook ies . A Tea S e rve r offers

the c o o k ie tray to an assistant. Sm il in g and offer ing a lotus in

gratitude, the assistant m indfu lly takes a c o o k ie and napkin,

places them on the floor, then takes the tray. T h e assistant now

offers a c o o k ie back to the Tea Server. T h e tray is then o ffered to

the person sitting next to the assistant. As described ab ove , each

person takes a c o o k ie and napkin b efore taking the tray and o ffer­

ing it to the next person in the circle.

• W h ile the biscuits are passed, the Tea Servers pour the tea (filling

as m a n y cups as there are p eop le present). W h e n the trays for

c o o k ie s are returned, the trays w ith teacups are passed around the

‘ See T h ic h N hat Hanh, Chanting From the Heart (Berkeley, C A : Parallax Press, 2007) p. 28.

5 2 Eating Practices

circle and received just like the cookies .

I N V I T A T I O N T O S H A R E

• O n c e the e m p ty trays are returned, the Tea M a ste r o ffers a gatli.i

on e n jo y in g tea and c o o k ie s and invites e ve ry o n e to e n jo y the n

tea and cook ie .

T E A G A T H A

This cup of tea in my two hands,

Mindfulness is held uprightly.

M y body and mind dwell

' In the very here and now.

A fter e n jo y in g tea in s ilence for a short while , the T ea Mastet

invites p eo p le to share songs, poem s, experiences , etc.

E N D I N G T H E C E R E M O N Y

T h e Bell M a ste r should ann ounce w h en there are five minutes left

b efore the end o f the cerem ony. T h e Tea C e r e m o n y ends w ith three

small bells. A t the first, e ve ry o n e stands up. A t the second, they

b o w to each other. At the third, th ey b o w to the altar. T h e hosts

then g o to the d o o r first and b o w to guests as they leave s lo w ly ami

mindfully.

PHYSICAL PRACTICES

RESTING AND STOPPING

W h en a forest animal is sick, it lies d o w n and does nothing. O fte n it

won't even eat o r drink. All o f its e n e rg y is d irected tow ard healing.

We need to practice this kind o f resting even w h en w e are not sick.

K n o w in g w h en to rest is a d eep practice. So m e t im e s w e try too hard

m our practice or w e w o rk too m uch w ith o u t mindfulness, and we

h ccom e tired v e ry easily. T h e practice o f m indfulness should not be

im ng, rather it should be energiz ing . But w h en w e re c o g n iz e that

we are tired, w e should find e ve ry means possible to rest. W e need

to ask for help, de legat ing tasks w h e n e v e r possible.

Practic ing with a tired b o d y and mind doesn't help,- it can cause

more problem s. T o take care o f ourselves is to take care o f our w h o le

i ommunity. R esting m ay mean w e stop w h at we're d o in g and take

,i l ive-minute w alk outside, or w e g o on a fast for a d ay o r two, or

it m ay m ean w e practice silence for a period. T h e re are m a n y w a y s

lor us to rest, so w e must p a y attention to the rhythm o f our b o d ­

ies and m inds for the benefit o f all. M indfu l breathing, w h e th e r in

the s itting o r in the ly in g position, is the practice o f resting. Let us

1 . 11 1 1 the art o f resting and al low our b o d y and our mind to restore

themselves. N o t th inking and not d o in g a n y th in g is part o f the art

' 'I testing and healing.

I he Buddha said that if w e have a w o u n d within our b o d y or

Within our mind, w e can learn h o w to take care o f it. W e kn o w

ili.ti our b o d y has the c a p a c i ty to heal itself, so w e should a l low the

Wound in our b o d y and soul to heal. But v e r y often w e stand in the

w.iv o f its healing. Because o f our ignorance, w e forbid our b o d y

56 Physical Practices

to heal itself; w e don't a llow our mind, our consc iousness, to lint!

itself. W h e n w e cut our finger, w e don't h ave to do much. We inti

clean the cut and a llow it to heal— m a y b e for one or tw o days. II w(l

tam per w ith the w ound, if w e do too m a n y things to it or w orry tun

m uch about it— esp ec ia l ly if w e w o rry too m uch— it m ay not he.il

T h e Buddha g ave the e x am p le o f so m e o n e w h o is hit b y an annWj

T h e person suffers. If, soon afterward, a seco n d arrow strikes him lit

e x act ly the same spot, the pain is not just double but ten times m old

intense. If y o u have a small w o un d within y o u r b o d y and you man

nify it w ith y o u r w o rry and y o u r panic, the w o u n d will bec o m e morfl

serious. It w o uld be helpful to practice b reath in g in and breathing

out and understanding the nature o f the little w ound. Breathing in,

w e think, "I am aw are that this is o n ly a physica l w ound. It will h c . i l "

If w e need to, w e can ask a friend o r a d o c to r to confirm that mu

w o u n d is o n ly minor, and that w e shouldn 't worry. W e shouldn't

panic, because panic is born from ignorance. W o rry and panic nuke

any situation worse.v W e should re ly on our k n o w le d g e o f our own

body. W e are intelligent. W e shouldn't im agine that w e are going in

die because o f a m inor w o un d in our b o d y or soul.

A w o u n d e d animal kn o w s that rest is the best w a y to heal. We.

dom is present in the animal's body. W e hum an beings h ave lost con

fidence in our body. W e panic and try to do m any different things

W e w o rry too much about our body. W e d o n ’t a llow it to heal itsell

W e don't kn o w h o w to rest. M indfu l b reath in g helps us to relearn

the art o f resting. M indfu l breath in g is like a lo v in g m o th er holding

her sick b a b y in her arms, say ing, "Don't worry, I'll take g o o d can;

o f you,- just rest."

Practice

If w e can't rest, it's because w e haven't s top p ed running. W e began

running a lo n g time ago. W e continue to run even in our sleep. We

think that happiness and w e l l -b e in g are not possible in the here and

Physical Practices 57

p tinw I hat bel ie f is inherent in us. W e received the seed o f that

i||H l i <>111 our parents and our grandparents. T h e y struggled all

lit* ii lives and b e l ieved that happiness w as o n ly possib le in the

IIIi* I hat's w h y w h en w e w ere children , w e w ere a lread y in the

]||i|l • 'I running. W e b el ieved that happiness w as so m e th in g to seek

In I he future. But the teach in g o f the Buddha is that w e can be

■ g | • |• s l ight here, right now.

Il you can stop and establish yo u rse lf in the here and the now,

l( | | i will see that there are m any elem ents o f happiness availab le in

||)|>) mom ent, m ore than en o u gh for y o u to be happy. Even if there

.i lew things in the present that yo u dislike, there are still p lenty

"I posit ive con dit ions for y o u r happiness. W h e n yo u w alk in the

0 i«nl< n, y o u m ay see that a tree is d y ing . You m ay feel sorry about

iImi ,t ml m ay not be able to e n jo y the rest o f the garden that is still

|h litMHul. You a llow one d y in g tree to d estro y y o u r appreciation of

[||l th< o th er trees that are still alive, v igorous, and beautiful. If y o u

p ink again, yo u can see that the garden is still beautiful, and yo u can

f| i|ov it. You can use these verses to he igh ten y o u r aw areness o f the

fltiiuic around you:

Aware of my ears, I breathe in.

Aware of the sound of rain, I breathe out.

In touch with pure mountain air, I breathe in.

Smiling with pure mountain air, 1 breathe out.

In touch with the sunshine, I breathe in.

Smiling with the sunshine, I breathe out.

In touch with the trees, I breathe in.

Smiling with the trees, I breathe out.

DEEP RELAXATION

Stress accum ulates in our body. T h e w a y w e eat, drink, and live take*

its toll on our w e ll-be ing. D e e p relaxation is an op p o rtu n ity for out

b o d y to rest, heal, and be restored. W e relax our body, g ive our attcn

tion to each part in turn, and send our love and care to e ve ry cell

If y o u have trouble s leep in g enou gh , d eep relaxation can com

pensate. L y in g aw ake on y o u r bed, y o u m ay like to practice total

relaxation and fo l low y o u r breath in g in and breath ing out. Some

times this can help y o u get to sleep. T h e practice is still v e ry good

even if y o u don't sleep, because it nourishes y o u and allows you in

rest.

You can use these tw o exercises to gu ide aw areness to any pail

o f the body-, the hair, scalp, brain, ears, neck, lungs, each o f the

internal organs, the d igestive system , pelvis,- any part o f the body

that needs healing and attention, em b ra c in g each part and sending

love, gratitude, and care as w e hold it in our aw areness and breathe

in and out.

PracticeD E E P R E L A X A T I O N 1

If y o u o n ly h ave a few minutes to sit o r lie d o w n and relax, yo u can

recite this verse:

Breathing in, I am aware of my eyes.

Breathing out, I smile to my eyes.

Physical Practices 59

I Ins is m indfulness o f our eyes. W h e n y o u generate the e n e r g y of

IIIHi.IIhI ness, y o u em brace y o u r e y e s and smile to them. You touch

■ in nf the co n d it io ns for happiness that exists . H a v in g e yes that are

lllll in g o o d con d it ion is a w onderfu l thing. A paradise o f forms and

1 1 ilius is available to y o u at a n y time. You need o n ly to open y o u r

• V * ‘ v

Breathing in, I am aware of my heart.

Breathing out, I smile to my heart.

W hen yo u use the e n e rg y o f m indfulness to em brace y o u r heart and

tnillr to it, y o u see that y o u r heart is still functioning normally, and

1 11>i i is a w onderfu l thing. M a n y p eop le wish they had a heart that

(int« tioned normally. It is the basic co n d it io n for our w ell-be ing ,

Another con d it ion for our happiness. W h e n y o u ho ld y o u r heart

with the e n e rg y o f m indfulness, y o u r heart is com forted . You have

in f le c t e d y o u r heart for a lo ng time. You think o n ly o f o th e r things.

Von mn after things that y o u believe to be the true co n d it io ns for

huppiness w h ile y o u forget y o u r heart.

| You even cause trouble for y o u r heart in the w a y y o u rest, work ,

i id .md drink. E v ery time yo u light a cigarette , y o u m ake y o u r heart

Miffcr. You c o m m it an unfr iendly act tow ard y o u r heart w h e n yo u

ili ink a lcohol . You kn o w that y o u r heart has been w o rk in g for y o u r

well b e in g for m any years, d ay and night. But because o f y o u r lack

ill mindfulness, y o u h ave not been v e ry helpful to y o u r heart. You

do not k n o w h o w to p ro tect the con dit ions o f w e ll-be in g and h a p ­

piness w ithin you .

You can continue to do this practice with other parts o f y o u r

hotly, like y o u r liver. E m b race y o u r liver with tenderness, love, and

i om passion. G e n e ra te m indfulness b y m eans o f mindful breath ing

«ind hold y o u r b o d y in mindfulness. W h e n y o u direct the e n e rg y of

mindfulness to the part o f y o u r b o d y that y o u are e m b rac in g with

love and tenderness, y o u are d o in g e x act ly w h a t y o u r b o d y needs. If

60 Physical Practices

a part o f y o u r b o d y doesn't feel well, y o u h ave to spend m ore time

h o ld in g it w ith m indfulness, w ith y o u r smile. You m ay not have time

to fo l lo w y o u r w h o le b o d y in this exercise , but o n c e or twice eat li

d a y y o u can pick at least one part o f y o u r b o d y to focus on and prac ­

tice re lax ing. If yo u h ave m ore time, try the se co n d deep relaxation

practice below.

PracticeD E E P R E L A X A T I O N II

G iv e yo u rse lf at least tw enty minutes. W h e n y o u do deep relaxation

in a group , one person can guide the exerc ise using the fo llowing

cues o r so m e variation o f them. W h e n y o u do deep relaxation on

y o u r ow n, y o u m ay like to record an exerc ise to fo l low as y o u prac

tice. D e e p re laxation can be d one at h o m e at least o n c e a day, w h e r­

eve r y o u h ave the space to lie com fortab ly . You can do it w ith others

in y o u r family, w ith one m em ber leading the session.

Lie d o w n on y o u r back with y o u r arms at y o u r sides. M a k e yoursell

com fortab le . A l lo w y o u r b o d y to relax. Be aw are o f the floor beneath

y o u . . . a n d o f the co n tact o f y o u r b o d y with the floor. (Breathe.)

A l lo w y o u r b o d y to sink into the floor. (Breathe.)

B ecom e aw are o f y o u r breathing, in and out. Be aw are o f y o u r a b d o ­

men rising and falling as y o u breathe in and out. (Breathe.) R is in g . ..

f a l l in g . . . r i s in g . . .fall ing. (Breathe.)

B reath in g in, b r in g y o u r aw areness to y o u r eyes . B reath in g out,

a l lo w y o u r e y e s to relax. A l lo w y o u r e y e s to sink back into your

h e a d . . . l e t g o o f the tension in all the t iny m uscles a ro un d youi

e y e s . . . o u r e y e s a l lo w us to see a parad ise o f form and c o lo r . . .

a l lo w y o u r e y e s to re s t . . . s e n d love and gratitud e to y o u r e y e s . . . .

(Breathe.)

Physical Practices 61

|ln til ling in, b r in g y o u r aw areness to y o u r mouth. Breathing out,

(tilt iw y o u r m outh to relax. R elease the tension around y o u r m o u t h .. .

ymn lips are the petals o f a f lo w e r . . . le t a gentle smile b lo o m on

V*mii l ip s . . .sm iling releases the tension in the hundreds o f muscles

in your fa c e . . . f e e l the tension release in y o u r c h e e k s . . .y o u r j a w . ..

ymir th ro a t . . . . (Breathe.)

Hi* Milling in, bring y o u r aw areness to y o u r shoulders. Breathing

mil, a l low y o u r shoulders to relax. Let them sink into the f lo o r . . .

I. i .ill the accum ulated tension flow into the f l o o r . . .y o u carry so

l|H lt h w ith y o u r s h o u ld e r s . . now let them relax as y o u care for yo u r

shoulders. (Breathe.)

Hi m i l l in g in, b ec o m e aw are o f y o u r arms. Breathing out, relax y o u r

til ms. Let y o u r arms sink into the f l o o r . . .y o u r upper a r m s . . .y o u r

e lb o w s . . .y o u r lo w er a r m s , . .y o u r w r i s t s . . .h a n d s . . . f in g e rs . . .all the

liny m u s c le s . . .m o ve y o u r fingers a little if y o u need to, to help the

muscles relax. (Breathe.)

Breathing in, bring y o u r aw areness to y o u r heart. Breathing out,

.illow y o u r heart to relax. (Breathe.) You have neg lected y o u r heart

I<ii a lo n g t im e . . .b y the w a y y o u w ork , eat, and m anage anxiety

,ind s t re ss . . . . (Breathe.) Your heart beats for y o u night and d a y . . .

em brace y o u r heart w ith m indfulness and te n d e rn e ss . . .reco nc il ing

iind taking care o f y o u r heart. (Breathe.)

Breathing in, br ing y o u r aw areness to y o u r legs. Breathing out, a llow

y o u r legs to relax. Release all the tension in y o u r l e g s . . .y o u r t h ig h s . ..

your k n e e s . . .y o u r c a l v e s . . .y o u r a n k le s . . .y o u r f e e t . . .y o u r to e s . . .a l l

the t iny muscles in y o u r t o e s . . . y o u m ay w ant to m o ve y o u r toes

,i little to help them r e la x . . . se n d y o u r love and care to y o u r toes.

(Breathe.)

62 Physical Practices

Breathing in, b reath in g o u t . . . y o u r w h o le b o d y feels l ig h t . . . l ik e a

w ater li ly f loating on the w a t e r . . .y o u have n o w h e re to g o . . nothing

to d o . . .y o u are free as the c lou d floating in the s k y . .. . (Breathe.)

(S in g in g o r music for so m e minutes.) (Breathe.)

Bring y o u r awareness back to y o u r b r e a t h in g . . .to y o u r a b d o m en ris­

ing and falling. (Breathe.)

Fo l lo w in g y o u r breathing, b ec o m e aw are o f y o u r arms and le g s . . .

y o u m ay w ant to m o ve them a little and stretch. (Breathe.)

W h e n yo u feel ready, s lo w ly sit up. (Breathe.)

W h e n y o u are ready, s lo w ly stand up.

MINDFUL MOVEMENTS

T h e Ten M indfu l M o v e m e n t exercises are easy to do at hom e, by

yourself, o r w ith others. You can do them inside y o u r h o m e o r o u t­

side in the park. You can do them e ve ry d a y or just o n c e in a while .

Practice

Stand w ith y o u r feet firmly on the ground. Y o ur knees are soft,

s l ightly bent and not locked . Stand upr ight in a relaxed way, with

your shoulders loose. Im agine an invisible thread is attached to the

lop o f y o u r head and it pulls y o u up tow ard the sky. K e e p in g y o u r

b o d y straight, tuck y o u r chin in s l igh t ly so y o u r neck can relax.

Begin b y practic ing a little bit o f con sc ious breathing. M a k e sure

your feet are p laced firmly on the earth, y o u r b o d y is centered, y o u r

back is straight, and y o u r shoulders are relaxed. A l lo w y o u r b re a th ­

ing to c o m e dow n into y o u r belly. You m ay like to smile and e n jo y

standing for just one m om ent.

MINDFUL M o v e m e n t ONE Begin with y o u r feet s l igh t ly apart, arms

.it y o u r sides. Breathing in, keep y o u r e lb o w s straight as y o u lift y o u r

.irms in front o f y o u until they're sh ou ld er level, horizontal to the

ground. Breathing out, b r ing y o u r arms d o w n again to y o u r sides.

Repeat the m o vem ent three m ore times.

M i n d f u l M o v e m e n t T w o Begin with y o u r arms at y o u r sides.

Breathing in, lift y o u r arms in front o f y o u in one continuous

64 Physical Practices

m ovem ent, b r in g in g them all the w a y up and s tretch ing them above

y o u r head. T ouch the sky! T h is m o ve m e n t can be done with youi

palm s e ither fac ing inward tow ard each other, o r fac ing forward as

y o u reach up. Breathing out, bring y o u r arms s lo w ly d o w n again to

y o u r sides. R epeat three m ore times.

MINDFUL M o v e m e n t T h r e e Breathing in, lift y o u r arms out to the

side, palms up, until y o u r arms are sh ou ld er level, parallel to the

ground. Breath ing out, ben d y o u r e lb o w s and touch y o u r shoulders

with y o u r fingertips, k eep in g y o u r up p er arms hor izontal. Breathing

in, open y o u r arms, ex te n d in g them until they're stretched out to a

horizontal position again. Breathing out, b en d y o u r e lb ow s , b r in g ­

ing y o u r fingertips back to y o u r sh o u ld e rs .W h e n yo u breathe in,

you 're like a f lower o p e n in g to the w arm sun. Breathing out, the

f lower closes. From this position with y o u r fingertips on y o u r sh ou l­

ders, do the m o vem en t three m ore times. T h e n low er y o u r arms

back d o w n to y o u r sides.

MINDFUL M o v e m e n t Fo u r In this exercise , y o u m ake a large circle

w ith y o u r arms. Breathing in, bring y o u r arms straight d o w n in front

o f yo u with y o u r palms together. Raise y o u r arms up and separate

y o u r hands so y o u r arms can stretch up o v e r y o u r head. Breathing

out, con tinu e the circle, w ith y o u r arms c irc l ing back, until your

fingers point d o w n tow ard the ground. Breathing in, lift y o u r arms

up beh ind y o u and reverse the circle. Breathe out as y o u bring your

palms to ge th e r and y o u r arms c o m e d o w n in front o f you . Repeat

three m ore times.

MINDFUL M o v e m e n t F ive A djust y o u r feet so they're shoulder-width

apart and put y o u r hands on y o u r waist. A s y o u do this exercise , keep

yo u r legs straight but not locked , and y o u r head centered o v er your

body. Breathing in, bend forward at the w aist and beg in to make

a c ircle to the back with y o u r upper body. W h e n you 're ha lfw ay

Physical Practices 65

through the circle, y o u r up p er b o d y leaning back, breathe out w h ile

y < m i co m p le te the circle, e n d in g with y o u r head in front o f y o u w hile

you're still b en t at the waist. T h e n circle, in the same w ay, in the

other direction. R epeat the series o f m o vem en ts three m ore times.

M i n d f u l M o v e m e n t Six In this exercise , y o u touch the sk y and the

i .nth. S tan d with y o u r feet h ip-w idth apart. Breathing in, b r in g yo u r

,ti ms up a b o ve y o u r head, palms forward. S tretch all the w a y up and

li ii >k up as y o u touch the sky. Breathing out, bend at the w aist as y o u

hi mg y o u r arms d o w n to touch the earth. If there is tension in y o u r

neck, let it go. From this position, breathe in and keep y o u r back

straight as y o u c o m e all the w a y back up and touch the sky. Touch

the earth and sky three m ore times

MINDFUL M o v e m e n t S e v e n T h is exercise is called the frog. Begin

with y o u r hands on y o u r waist, heels together, feet turned out to

lorm a V, so that th ey m ake a n in ety-d eg ree angle. Breathing in,

use up on y o u r toes, keep y o u r back straight, and bend y o u r knees.

K e e p in g y o u r upper b o d y centered, g o d o w n as low as y o u c o m fo r t ­

ably can, m aintaining y o u r balance. Breathing in, s traighten y o u r

knees and c o m e all the w a y up, still standing on y o u r toes. From this

posit ion, repeat the m o vem en t three m ore times, rem em b erin g to

breathe s lo w ly and deeply.

MINDFUL M o v e m e n t E i g h t Start w ith y o u r feet to geth er and y o u r

hands on y o u r waist. Begin b y putting all y o u r w e igh t on y o u r left

loot. Breathing in, lift y o u r right thigh as y o u bend y o u r knee and

keep y o u r toes pointed tow ard the ground. Breathing out, stretch

your right leg out in front o f you , k eep ing y o u r toes pointed. B reath­

ing in, b en d y o u r knee and bring y o u r foot back tow ard y o u r body.

Breathing out, put y o u r right foot back on the ground. N e x t put all

you r w e ig h t onto y o u r right foot and do the m o vem en t with the

other leg. R epeat the series o f m o vem ents three m ore times.

66 Physical Practices

MINDFUL M o v e m e n t N in e In this exercise, y o u make a circle with

y o u r leg. Begin with y o u r feet together and y o u r hands on y o u r waist.

Put y o u r w e igh t on y o u r left foot and, breath ing in, lift y o u r right

leg in front o f y o u and circle it to the side. Breathing out, continue

the circle to the back and bring y o u r leg dow n behind you, allowing

y o u r toes to touch the ground. Breathing in, lift y o u r leg up behind

y o u and circle it to the side. Breathing out, continue the circle to the

front. T h e n low er yo u r leg and put you r foot on the ground, allowing

y o u r w e igh t to again be on both feet. Stand feet together, w e ig h t on

both feet. N o w do the exercise with the other leg. Repeat the series

o f m ovem ents three more times.

MINDFUL M o v e m e n t T e n T h is exerc ise is d o ne in a lunge posit ion.

S tan d with y o u r feet s l igh t ly w id e r than shoulder-width apart. Turn

to the right and put y o u r r ight foot out in front o f y o u so y o u are in

a lunge. Put y o u r left hand on y o u r waist and y o u r right arm at your

side. Breathing in, bend y o u r right knee, b r in g in g y o u r w e igh t over

y o u r right foot as yo u lift y o u r r ight arm with the palm o f y o u r hand

fac ing outw ard in front o f you , and stretch it to the sky! Breathe out,

s tra ightenin g y o u r knee and bring ing y o u r r ight arm back to you r

side. R epeat the m o vem en t three m ore times.

S w itch legs, putting y o u r right hand on y o u r waist. R epeat the

m o vem en t on the left four times. T h e n b r in g y o u r feet back togeth er

again.

You have finished the Ten M indfu l M o ve m e n ts . Stand firmly on

tw o feet and breathe in and out. Feel y o u r b o d y relax. E n jo y you r

breathing.

RELATIONSHIP & COMMUNITY PRACTICES

CREATING AND MAINTAINING A SANGHA

In society , m uch o f our suffering co m es from feeling d isc o nnected

from o ne another. W e often don't feel a real c o n n e ct io n even with

people w e live c lose to, our neighbors, our co w orkers , and even our

lam ily m em bers. Each person lives separately, cut o f f from the su p ­

port o f the com m unity .

Practic ing mindfulness, w e beg in to see our co n n e ct io n with

oth er hum an beings. T o flourish in our o w n practice and to support

others, w e need a com m unity . In Buddhism, a practice co m m u n ity

is called a S a n g h a . T h e Buddha had a Sa n g h a o f m onks, nuns, lay-

w om en, and laym en. W e can m ake our families into a San gh a . W e

can m ake our w o rk p la ce into a San gh a , our n e ig h b o rh o o d into a

San gh a, local go v e rn m e n t into a San gh a , and even the C o n g re ss

cou ld turn into a Sa n g h a if e ve ry o n e kn ew the art o f deep listening

,ind lo v in g speech.

Being w ith a S a n g h a can heal these feelings o f isolation and se p ­

aration. W e practice together, som etim es w e eat side b y side and

i lean pots together. Just b y partic ipating with o th er practitioners

in daily activities, w e can exp er ien ce a tangible feeling o f love and

acceptance.

T h e Sa n g h a is a garden, full o f m any varieties o f trees and flowers.

W h e n w e can look at ourselves and at others as beautiful, unique

llowers and trees w e can truly g ro w to understand and love one

.mother. O n e flower m ay b loom early in the spring and anoth er

l lower m ay b loom in late summer. O n e tree m ay bear m a n y fruits

and an o th er tree m ay o f fe r co o l shade. N o one plant is g reater or

70 Relationship and Community Practices

lesser or the sam e as a n y o th e r plant in the garden. E ach member

o f the Sa n g h a also has unique gifts to o f fe r to the com m unity . Wc

each h ave areas that need attention as well. W h e n w e can appreciate

each member's contribution and see our w eaknesses as potential foi

g ro w th , w e can learn to live to g eth er harm oniously . O u r practice r.

to see that w e are a f lower o r a tree, and w e are the w h o le garden .is

well , all in terconnected.

T o be really means to inter-be. Just as a flow er relies on the sun

shine, on the c loud, on the earth in o rder to be, so it is w ith all o f us

N o n e o f us can be b y ourselves alone. Interbeing is the teaching til

the Buddha that e ve ry th in g is m ade b y and m ade up o f everythin^!

else. If w e return e v e ry th in g to its source, there's n o th ing left anv

more. If w e return the sunshine to the sun, the w ater to the cloud,

the soil to the earth, then there can no lo n g er be a n y flower. A flower

is m ade o n ly o f non -flow er elements. T h a t is w h y w e say a flowei

is e m p ty o f self,- it's e m p ty o f a separate self. It's full o f everything

and e m p ty o f a separate self. W e arc em pty, and w e are m ade of the

cosm os. L o o k in g at one person, w e can see the w h o le co sm o s and

all our ancestors. In each person, w e can see the air, water, journeys,

jo y s , and sorrow s that have c o m e before us. W e contain all infoi

mation needed for the understanding o f the cosm os. If w e can see

the nature o f interbeing, then w e will suffer m uch less and w e will

understand w h y it is im portant to be in com m unity .

In p ractic ing to geth er as a com m unity , our practice o f mindlul

ness b ec o m es m ore jo y fu l , relaxed, and steady. W e are bells o f mind

fulness for each other, supporting and rem ind ing each o th er alony

the path o f practice. W ith the support o f the com m unity ; we t on

practice to cultivate peace and j o y w ithin and around us, as a gift fm

all o f those w h o m w e love and care for. W e can cu ltivate our solid

ity and freed om — solid in our deepest aspiration and free from our

fears, m isunderstandings, and suffering.

Relationship and Community Practices 71

hictice

milling a Sa n g h a is like p lanting a sunflower. You need to be aware

I w hich co n d it io ns will support the flower's gro w th and w h ich

nmlitions will obstruct its g ro w th . You need h e a lth y seeds, skil led

HI t im ers, and p lenty o f sunshine and room to grow. W h e n yo u

iik ikc in S a n g h a building , the m ost im portant th ing to rem em b er

(hat w e are d o in g it together. T h e m ore y o u em brace the San gh a ,

Hr m ore y o u can let g o o f the feeling o f a separate self. You can

lax into the co l lec t ive w isd o m and insights o f the Sa n g h a and see

Ic.irly that the Sa n gh a e yes and hands and heart are greater than

• It'll of a n y individual m em b er o f the San gh a .

II you live with y o u r fam ily o r with c lose friends, this is a g o o d

I.it e to begin . Your fam ily and fr iends can be y o u r San gh a . You can

Uo i reate a "w o rkp lace S a n g h a ” b y pract ic ing love and understand-

m< w ilh c o w o rk ers and seeing each person as a b e lo ved bro th er or

K in You can practice w a lk in g m editation e ve ry time y o u m o ve

through a corridor.

II possible, sit, walk, o r eat m in d fu lly to g e th e r w ith o n e o th e r

|tr ison d uring y o u r breaks. You can invite the bell and invite others

lo do so w ith yo u , o r practice te le p h o n e m editation at w ork . A

S .m gha m a y start small,- it can be a Sa n g h a o f two. If even just tw o

people create a Sa n g h a and an a tm o sp h ere o f m indfu lness, the

pr. ice and h a rm o n y aro und y o u will g r o w and soon y o u r Sa n g h a

Will g ro w too.

BEGINNING ANEW

T o b eg in anew is to look d e e p ly and h o n e st ly at ourselves, our pnsl

actions, speech , and th oughts and to create a fresh b eg in n in g within

ourselves and in our re lationships with others. W e practice Begin

ning A n e w to c lear our m ind and keep our practice fresh. W h en .1

difficulty arises in our re lationships and o ne o f us feels resentment 0 1

hurt, w e k n o w it is time to beg in anew.

Beg in n in g A n e w helps us d eve lo p our kind speech and comp.is

sionate l istening because it is a practice o f recognition and appret 1.1

tion o f the posit ive e lem ents within our San gh a . R e c o g n iz in g others'

positive traits a llow s us to see our o w n g o o d qualities as well . Alonn

with these g o o d traits, w e each have areas o f w eakness, such as talk

ing out o f our a nger or b e in g cau gh t in our m isperceptions. As in .1

garden, w h en w e "w ater the flowers" o f lo v in g kindness and com

passion in each other, w e also take e n e rg y a w a y from the w eed s <>l

anger, jealousy, and m isperception.

W e can practice B eg inn ing A n e w e v e r y d a y b y express ing 01 1 1

appreciation to the p eo p le in our co m m u n ity .and a p o lo g iz in g right

a w a y w h e n w e do o r say so m e th in g that hurts them. W e can politely

let others k n o w w h en w e have been hurt as well . T h e health and

happiness o f the w h o le co m m u n ity dep end s on the harm ony, peace,

and j o y that exist b etw een everyo ne .

Relationship and Community Practices 7 3

I'hiL lice

At I Mum V il lage w e practice Beg inn ing A n e w e ve ry w eek . E v ery -

sits in a circ le w ith a vase o f fresh flowers in the center, and

W< lo l lo w our breath in g as w e w ait for the facilitator to begin . T h e

I f r e m o n y has three parts: f lower w atering , express ing regrets, and

i hpressing hurts and difficulties. T h is practice can prevent feelings

i >! hurt from b uild ing up o v e r the w eeks and helps make the situation

null lor e v e ry o n e in the com m unity .

I W e beg in w ith flower watering . W h e n so m eo n e is read y to speak,

sin loins her palm s and the others jo in their palms to sh o w that she

lins the right to speak. T h e n she stands, w alks s lo w ly to the flow-

| IV takes the vase in her hands, and returns to her seat. W h e n she

i"-.iks, her w o rd s reflect the freshness and b eau ty o f the flowers that

Mic in her hands. D u r in g flow er watering , the speaker a c k n o w le d g e s

th<' w h o leso m e, w onderfu l qualities o f the others. It is not flattery,-

We .l lways speak the truth. E v ery o n e has stron g points that can be

m i’ ll w ith awareness. N o o ne can interrupt the person h o ld in g the

llnwers. S h e is a llow ed as m uch time as she needs, and e v e ry o n e else

practices d eep listening. W h e n she has finished speaking, she stands

up .uid s lo w ly returns the vase to the center o f the room.

W e should not underestim ate the first step o f flower watering.

W hen w e can s incere ly re c o g n iz e the beautiful qualities o f o th er

people, it is v e ry difficult to hold onto our feelings o f a nger and

resentment. W e will naturally soften and our perspective will

becom e w id e r and m ore inclusive o f the w h o le reality. W h e n w e

,m no lo n g e r cau gh t in m isperceptions, irritation, and jud gm en t,

we can eas ily find the w a y to reconcile ourselves with others in our

i (im m unity o r family. T h e essence o f this practice is to restore love

and understanding b etw een m em bers o f the com m unity . T h e form

ili.it the practice takes needs to be appropriate to the situation and

people involved. It is a lw ays helpful to consult with others w h o have

74 Relationship and Community Practices

m ore ex p e r ie n ce in the practice and h ave go n e through similar dil

Acuities in o rder to benefit from their experiences .

In the seco nd part o f the cerem on y, w e express regrets for any'

th ing w e h ave d o ne to hurt others. It does not take m ore than one

thoughtless phrase to hurt som eone . T h e c e re m o n y o f Beginning,

A n e w is an o p p o rtu n ity for us to recall som e regret from earlier in

the w e e k and undo it.

In the third part o f the cerem ony, w e express w a y s in which

others h ave hurt us. L o v in g sp eech is crucial. W e w ant to heal the

com m unity , not harm it. W e speak frankly, but w e do not w ant to be

destructive. L isten ing m editation is an im portant part o f the prac

tice. W h e n w e sit a m o n g a circ le o f friends w h o are all practicing

deep listening, our sp eech b ec o m es m ore beautiful and m ore con

structive. W e never b lam e o r argue.

In this final part o f the cerem on y, co m p ass io n ate listening is cru

cial. W e listen to another's hurts and difficult ies with the willingness

to re lieve the suffering o f the o th er person, not to ju d ge o r argue

w ith her. W e listen with all our attention. E ven if w e hear som ething

that is not true, w e con tinu e to listen d e e p ly so the o th er person can

express her pain and release the tensions w ith in herself. If w e reply

to her or correct her, the practice will not b ear fruit. W e just listen. II

w e need to tell the other person that her perception was not correct,

w e can d o that a few d ays later, pr ivately and calmly. T h e n , at the

next B eg in n in g A n e w session, she m ay be the person w h o rectifies

the error, and w e will not have to say any th ing . W e c lose the ce r­

e m o n y w ith a so n g or b y h o ld in g hands w ith e ve ry o n e in the circle

and breath in g for a minute.

PEACE TREATY

Suppose our friend o r partner says so m e th in g unkind to us, and w e

le d hurt. If w e rep ly right away, w e risk m ak ing the situation w orse.

A no ther opt io n is to breathe in and out to calm ourselves, and w h en

we are ca lm enou gh , say, "D arling , w h at y o u just said hurt me. I

would like to look d e e p ly into it, and 1 w o u ld like y o u to lo o k d e e p ly

Into it, also. T h e n w e can m ake an a p p o in tm en t for som e time later

in the w e e k to look at it together." O n e person lo o k in g at the roots

ol our suffering is g o o d , tw o p eop le lo o k in g at it is better, and two

people lo o k in g to g eth er is best.

W e m ay be at w ar with ourselves inside, hurting our b od ies with

drugs or a lcohol. N o w w e have the o p p o rtu n ity to sign a treaty with

our bodies, our feelings, and our em otions. O n c e w e m ake a peace

treaty w ith them, w e can h ave som e peace, and w e can b eg in to be

reconciled with our be loved . If there is a w a r inside us, it is v e ry easy

to start a w a r with our b e lo ved , not to m ention with our enem ies.

I he w a y w e talk to our loved ones and the w a y w e act tow ard them

determ ines if w e are treating them as loved ones or as enem ies. If

our b e lo ve d is our enem y, h o w can w e h o p e to have p eace in this

( ountry and in the world?

W e all have the seed o f w isd o m in us. W e kn o w that pun ish ing

leads us n ow h ere , and y e t w e are a lw ays try ing to punish som eone.

W h e n our b e lo ved says o r does so m eth in g that makes us suffer, we

want to punish them, because w e bel ieve that b y pun ish ing them

we will ge t som e relief. T h e r e are times w h en w e are lucid and we

know that this is child ish and ignorant, because w h en w e m ake our

76 Relationship and Community Practices

b elo ve d ones suffer, th ey will a lso try to get so m e relief b y punishing

us in turn, and there will be an escalation o f punishment.

T h e Peace Treaty and the Peace N o t e are tw o tools to help us

heal a n g e r and hurt in our relationships. W h e n w e sign the Peace

Treaty, w e are m ak ing p eace not just with the o th er person, but

w ithin ourselves.

Practice

T h e text o f the Peace T reaty is below. It helps to really sign it, as

o p p o se d to just read ing about it. In the treaty, it suggests Friday

night as the night for discussion. You can p ick a n y night, but the

treaty suggests Friday e ve n in g is g o o d for tw o reasons. If it's Friday

a fternoon w h e n yo u begin , y o u can pick the fo l lo w in g Friday. First,

y o u are still hurt, and it m ay be too risky if y o u beg in discussing it

now. You m ight say things that will m ake the situation w orse . From

now until Friday even ing , y o u can practice lo o k in g d e e p ly into the

nature o f y o u r suffering, and the o th er person can too. W h ile d r iv­

ing, y o u will a lso have a ch a n c e to look d e e p ly into it. Before Friday

night, one o r b oth o f yo u m ay see the ro ot o f the problem and be

able to tell the o th er and a p o lo g ize . T h e n on Friday night, y o u can

have a cup o f tea to geth er and e n jo y each other. T h is is the practice

o f m editation. M editat ion is to calm ourselves and to look d eep ly

into the nature o f our suffering.

If b y Friday e ve n in g the suffering has not been transformed,

yo u will be able to practice the art o f A valokiteshvara: one person

exp ress ing himself, w h ile the o th er person listens deeply. W h e n y o u

speak, yo u tell the deepest kind o f truth using lo v in g speech , the

k ind o f sp eec h the other person can understand and accept. W h ile

listening, y o u k n o w that y o u r listening must be o f a g o o d quality to

relieve the o th er person o f his suffering. T h e seco n d reason for w a it ­

ing until Friday is that w h e n y o u neutralize that feeling on Friday

evening, y o u h ave Satu rd ay and Su n d a y to e n jo y b e in g together.

Relationship and Community Practices 7 7

P e a c e T r e a t y

In order that we may live long and happily together, in order that we may

continually develop and deepen our love and understanding, we the under­

signed vow to observe and practice the following:

I, the o n e w h o is angry, agree to:

I . Refrain from sa y in g or d o in g a n y th in g that m ight cause further

d am age or escalate the anger.

1 . N o t suppress m y anger.

3. Practice breath in g and taking refuge in the island o f m yself.

4. C a lm ly , within tw en ty- fo u r hours, tell the one w h o has made

m e an gry about m y an ge r and suffering, e ither ve rb a l ly or by

d e livering a Peace N o te .

5. A sk for an ap p o in tm en t for later in the w e ek (e.g., Friday e v e ­

ning) to discuss this m atter m ore th oro ugh ly , e ither ve rb a l ly or

b y Peace N ote .

6 . N o t say: "I am not angry. It's okay. I am not suffering. T h e re

is n o th in g to be a n g ry about, at least not enough to m ake me

angry."

7. Practice breath in g and lo o k in g d e e p ly into m y daily li fe— w h ile

sitting, ly ing d ow n, standing, and w a lk in g — in o rd er to see:

a. the w a y s I m yse lf have been unskillful at times.

b. h o w 1 have hurt the o th er person because o f m y o w n habit

energy.

c. h o w the s trong seed o f a nger in me is the prim ary cause o f

m y anger.

d. h o w the oth er person's suffering, w h ic h waters the seed of

m y anger, is the se co n d ary cause.

e. h o w the oth er person is o n ly seek in g relief from his or her

o w n suffering.

f. that as long as the o th er person suffers, I can no t be ta i ly

happy.

78 Relationship and Community Practices

8 . A p o lo g iz e immediately, w ith ou t w a it ing until the Friday e v e ­

ning, as soon as I realize m y unskillfulness and lack o f m in d ­

fulness.

9. Po stp o ne the Friday m eetin g if I do not feel calm en o u gh to

m eet w ith the o th er person.

I, the o ne w h o has m ade the o th er angry, agree to:

1 . R espect the o th er person's feelings, not ridicule him o r her, and

al low eno u gh time for him o r her to calm dow n.

2 . .N o t press for an im m ediate discussion.

3. C o n f irm the other person's request for a m eeting, either v e r ­

ba lly o r b y note, and assure him o r her that I will be there.

4. Practice breath in g and taking refuge in the island o f m y se l f to

see h ow :

a. I h ave seeds o f unkindness and anger as well as the habit

e n e rg y to m ake the o th e r person unhappy.

b. I have m istakenly th o ught that m aking the other person suf­

fer w o u ld relieve m y o w n suffering.

c. b y m aking him o r her suffer, I m ake m yse lf suffer.

5. A p o lo g iz e as soon as I realize m y unskillfulness and lack of

m indfulness, w ithout m ak ing a n y attem pt to justify m yse lf and

w ith ou t w a it ing until the Friday meeting.

We vow, with Lord Buddha as witness and the mindful presence of the

sangha, to abide by these articles and to practice wholeheartedly. We invoke

the three gems fo r protection and to grant us clarity and confidence.

Signed,

the______ Day of

in the Year________ in __

Relationship and Community Practices 79

Practice

T h is note can be used with the Peace Treaty. You can c o p y it and

keep b lank co p ies available in y o u r h o m e and w h e re ve r y o u need it.

P e a c e N o t e

Date:

Time:D ear_________________

This morning (afternoon), you said (did) something that made me very

angry. I suffered very much. I want you to know this. You said (did):

Please let us both look at what you said (did) and examine the matter

together in a calm and open manner this Friday evening.

Yours, not very happy right now,__________________________

SECOND BODY SYSTEM

In a large co m m u n ity o r even a large family, it isn't possible to always

be aw are o f w h at is g o in g on with eve ry o n e . S o in Plum V il lage we

have d e ve lo p e d so m e th in g called the S e c o n d B o d y system to help

build our San gh a . Your o w n b o d y is y o u r First Body, and som eone

else in y o u r fam ily or Sa n g h a is y o u r S e c o n d Body. Your Sec o nd

B o d y picks so m eo n e else to be her S e c o n d B o d y and so on until you

m ake a circle. In this way, e v e ry o n e has so m e o n e to look after, and

e ve ry o n e is looked after b y so m e o n e else.

L o o k in g after m eans taking care o f and h e lp in g our S e c o n d Body

w h en she is p h ys ic a l ly ill, aff licted in mind, o r o verw o rked . For

exam ple , w h e n w e are traveling together, w e are responsible to see

that our S e c o n d B o d y is not left behind. W h e n our S e c o n d Body's

spirits are low, w e can find a w a y to raise them. W h e n our Sec o nd

B o d y is not able to smile, w e can help her to smile. W h e n she has

the flu, w e can bring her fo od and m edicine. W e use the S ec o n d

B o d y system in all the Plum V illage practice centers, and it raises

the quality o f our happiness in l iv ing together. It can be a wonderful

w a y to stay co n n e cte d to the w h o le co m m u n ity b y taking care of

just one member. In large families, it w orks the same.

Practice

Your First B o d y is y o u r self. Your S e c o n d B o d y is ano th er person

w h o y o u lo o k after as an extension o f yourself . If yo u are m y Se c o n d

Body, then I am y o u r C a r in g Friend. E v e ry o n e ch o o se s one person

Relationship and Community Practices 81

to he his S e c o n d Body, and that person c h o o se s so m eo n e else,- so w e

c reate a co m p le te circ le w ith each person linked to the next. You

should feel v e r y c o n n e c te d to y o u r S e c o n d Body, as if he is a part

ol yo u rse lf that w e w ant to p a y attention to and care for. S o if y o u r

S e c o n d B o d y is not well , y o u find out h o w y o u can assist him, such

.is b r in g in g meals to his ro om and letting the co m m u n ity k n o w that

you r se c o n d b o d y is ill. If y o u notice that y o u r S e c o n d B o d y is less

than happy, b y asking and o b se rv in g y o u m a y see a w a y that y o u can

help. If y o u need to miss an activity, let y o u r C a r in g Friend know.

Your C a r in g Friend is not a po lice officer k e e p in g w atch o v er yo u r

activities, rather he is so m e o n e w h o sh o w s special care and con cern

lor you , and y o u in turn sh o w special care for y o u r S e c o n d Body.

R em em b er that each person has so m e w h a t d ifferent needs, so be

sensit ive and intelligent in h o w y o u sh o w y o u r care. So m etim es, a

few w o rd s o f kindness are needed, and at o th er times, d w e l l in g in

you r o w n island o f con sc ious breath in g is the best support for y o u r

friend.

C a r in g for our S e c o n d B o d y is a ve ry c o n crete practice for us to

stay c o n n e c te d to each o th er and to realize h o w w e are all truly parts

o f one body. E v ery o n e in the Sa n g h a has his S e c o n d Body. T h u s , the

person w h o m y o u r S e c o n d B o d y is taking care o f is y o u r T h ir d Body.

T h e re fo re , b y taking care o f y o u r S e c o n d B o d y yo u are tak ing care

o f the w h o le com m unity .

HUGGING MEDITATION

W h e n w e hug, our hearts co n n ect and w e k n o w that w e are not

separate beings. H u g g in g with m indfulness and concentration can

bring reconciliat ion, healing, understanding, and much happiness.

T h e practice o f mindful h u g g in g has he lped so m any to reconcile

with each oth er— fathers and sons, m others and daughters, friends

and friends, and so m any others.

Practice

You m ay practice h u g g in g m editation with a friend, y o u r daughter,

y o u r father, y o u r partner, o r even with a tree. To practice, first bow

and re c o g n iz e the presence o f the other. C lo s e y o u r eyes, take a

deep breath, and visualize yo u rse lf and y o u r b e lo ved three hundred

years from now. T h e n y o u can e n jo y three deep consc ious breaths

to bring ourselves fully there. Practice breath ing in and breathing

out to b r in g y o u r insight o f im perm anence to life. "Breathing in, I

k n o w that life is precious in this m om ent. Breathing out, I cherish

this m om ent o f life." Sm ile at the person in front o f you , expressing

y o u r desire to hold him o r her in y o u r arms. T h is is a practice and

a ritual. W h e n y o u bring y o u r b o d y and mind togeth er to produce

y o u r total presence, to b ec o m e full o f life, it is a ritual.

W h e n I drink a glass o f water, I invest one hundred percent of

m yse lf in drink ing it. You should train you rse lf to live every m om ent

o f y o u r da ily life like that. H u g g in g is a deep practice. You need to

be totally present to do it correctly .

Relationship and Community Practices 83

Then open y o u r arms and beg in h ug ging . H o ld each o th er for

three in- and out-breaths. W ith the first breath, y o u are aw are that

you are present in this v e r y m om ent, and y o u are happy. W ith

the se c o n d breath, y o u are aw are that the o th e r is present in this

m om ent, and th e y are h a p p y as well . W ith the third breath, y o u are

aware that y o u are here together, right n o w on this Earth, and yo u

feel d eep gratitude and happiness for y o u r togetherness. You then

m ay re lease the other person and b o w to each other to sh o w y o u r

thanks.

You can also practice it in the fo l lo w in g w a y : during the first in­

breath and out-brcath , b ec o m e aw are that y o u and y o u r b e lo ve d are

both alive,- for the seco n d in-breath and out-breath , think o f w h ere

you will both be three h un dred years from now,- and for the third

m-breath and out-breath , g o back to the insight that y o u are both

alive.

W h e n y o u h ug in such a way, the o th er person b ec o m es real and

alive. You do not need to w ait until one o f y o u is ready to depart for

a trip, y o u m ay hug right n o w and receive the w arm th and stability

o f y o u r friend in the present m om ent. H u g g in g can be a deep p ra c­

tice o f reconciliation.

D u r in g the silent h u g ging , the m essage can c o m e out v e ry clear:

"D arling, y o u are precious to me. I am sorry I have not been mindful

and considerate . I have m ade mistakes. A l lo w me to beg in anew."

Life b ec o m es real at that m om ent. A rch itects need to build air­

ports and rai lw ay stations so that there is en o u g h room to practice

hugging . Your h u g g in g will be deeper, and so will y o u r happiness.

DEEP LISTENING AND LOVING SPEECH

W h e n co m m u nic at io n is cut off, w e all suffer. W h e n no o ne listens

to us or understands us, w e b ec o m e like a b o m b ready to explode.

C o m p a ss io n a te l istening brings about healing. S o m etim es o n ly ten

minutes o f l istening d e e p ly can transform us and bring a smile back

to our lips.

M a n y o f us have lost our c a p ac ity for listening and using loving

speech in our families. It m ay be that no o n e is capab le o f listening

to a n y o n e else. S o w e feel v e ry lo ne ly even within our o w n families.

W e g o to a therapist, h o p in g that she is able to listen to us. But many

therapists also h ave deep suffering within. So m e t im e s th ey cannot

listen as d e e p ly as th ey w o uld like. S o if w e really love so m eo ne , we

need to train ourselves to be a deep listener.

W e also need to train ourselves to use lo v in g speech. W e have lost

our ca p a c i ty to say things calm ly . W e get irritated too easily. Every

time w e o p en our mouths, our speech b ec o m es sour o r bitter. W e

have lost our ca p ac ity for sp eak ing with kindness. W ith o u t this ab il­

ity, w e can n o t succeed in restoring harm ony, love, and happiness.

In Buddhism , w e speak o f bodhisattvas, w ise and com pass ionate

beings w h o stay on Earth to alleviate the suffering o f others. T h e

bodhisattva Avalokiteshvara, also called Q u a n Yin, is a person w h o

has a great c a p ac ity for listening with co m p ass io n and true pres­

ence. Q u a n Yin is the b odhisattva w h o can listen and understand the

sounds o f the w orld , the cries o f suffering.

Relationship and Community Practices 85

Practice

You h ave to practice b reath in g m in d fu lly in and out so that c o m p a s ­

sion a lw a y s stays w ith you . You listen w ith o u t g iv in g a d v ice o r p ass­

ing jud g m en t. You can say to you rse lf about the o th er person, "1 am

listening to him just b ecause I w ant to re lieve his su ffer ing .” T h is is

called co m p ass io n ate listening. You h ave to listen in such a w a y that

co m p ass io n rem ains w ith y o u the w h o le time y o u are listening. T h a t

is the art. If h a l fw a y through listening, irritation o r a nger c o m e s up,

then y o u can n o t continue to listen. You have to practice in such a

w a y that e v e ry time the e n e rg y o f irritation and a n g e r c o m e s up, yo u

can b reathe in and out m indfu lly and con tinu e to hold co m p ass io n

within you . It is w ith co m p ass io n that y o u can listen to another. N o

matter w h a t the o th er person says, even if there is a lot o f strong

inform ation and injustice in his w a y o f se e in g things, even if he

co n d e m n s o r b lam es you , con tinu e to sit v e ry quietly breath in g in

and out.

If yo u don't feel that y o u can continue to listen in this way, let the

oth er person know. Ask y o u r friend, "D ea r one, can w e con tinu e in

a few days? I need to renew m yself . I need to practice so that 1 can

listen to y o u in the best w a y I can." If yo u are not in g o o d shape, yo u

are not g o in g to listen in the best w a y y o u can. Practice m ore w a lk ­

ing m editation, m ore mindful breathing, and m ore sitting m ed ita ­

tion in o rd er to restore y o u r c a p ac ity for com p ass io nate listening.

TAKING CARE OF ANGER AND OTHER STRONG EMOTIONS

O u r anger is like a small ch ild c ry in g out for his mother. W h e n the

b a b y cries, the m o th er takes him ge n t ly in her arms and listens and

observes care fu l ly to find out w hat is w ro n g . T h e lo v in g action ol

h o ld in g her b a b y with tenderness a lread y soo th es the baby's suffer­

ing. Likew ise , w e can take our anger in our lo v in g arms and right

a w a y w e will feel relief. W e don't need to reject our anger. It is a

part o f us that needs our love and deep l istening just as a b a b y does.

A fter the b a b y has ca lm ed d ow n, the m o th er can feel if the b a b y has

a fever o r needs a c h a n g e o f diaper. W h e n w e feel calm and cool,

w e too can look d e e p ly at our an g e r and see c lear ly the conditions

a l lo w in g our anger to rise.

T h e b o o k Flow ers in the G ard en o f M ed itation con ta ins histories o f d i f­

ferent Z e n masters. O n e m aster says, if a m o n k gets angry, he should

not keep his a nger o v e r m ore than one night. In V ietnam children

say, "Be angry, sad, or a n n o y e d for five minutes." W e have the right

to be an g ry o r sad, but five minutes is enou gh . T h e master o f Flowers

in the G ard en o f M ed itation g ives us the right to be an g ry all night, but

the next m o rn in g our anger should have finished.

If w e practice b e ing present with our s tro n g em otions, the energy

o f lov ing k indness and car ing will reduce the anger or sorrow. E very

time a storm arises, w e k n o w to return h o m e and c lose all the w in ­

d o w s and d oors to prevent the rain and w ind from entering our

house and d e stro y in g it. If there is no electricity, w e light up candles

or oil lamps. If the w e a th er is cold , w e m ake a fire. W e create an area

o f sa fety inside w h ile the storms are h a p p e n in g outside.

Relationship and Community Practices 87

A s tro n g em otion is s im ilar to a storm, and it can create a lot o f

dam age. W e need to figure out a w a y to pro tec t ourselves, to create a

safe env ironm ent, and to w ait out the storm. W e can no t sit and wait

lor the storm to g o b y q u ick ly w h ile w e receive all the d a m a g e o f the

storm directly. K e e p in g our b o d y and m ind safe from the storm is

our practice. A fter each storm, w e b ec o m e stronger, m ore solid, and

soon we're no lo n g er fearful o f storms. W e no lo nger pray for a calm

sky and a calm ocean. Instead, w e pray that w e h ave the w isd om and

strength to deal w ith the difficulties that arise in life.

W e don't have to w ait until the em otional storm arises in us to

begin to practice. W e h ave to practice today, and e ve ry day, for five

to ten minutes. A fter a co u p le o f w eeks, w e h ave a handle on our

m eth od o f breathing, and w h en the em otional storms arise in us, w e

autom atica lly rem em b er to practice right away.

PracticeB E I N G W I T H A N G E R

W h e n y o u feel angry, it's best to refrain from say in g or d o in g a n y ­

thing. You m ay like to w ith d raw y o u r attention from the person or

situation that is w atering the seed o f a nger in you . Take this time to

c o m e back to yourself . Practice con sc ious breath ing and o utd o o r

w a lk ing m editation to calm and refresh y o u r mind and body. A fter

yo u feel ca lm er and m ore relaxed, y o u can beg in to look d e e p ly at

yourse lf and at the person and situation causing anger to arise in

you. O fte n , w h en yo u have a difficulty w ith a particular person, he

m ay have a characterist ic that reflects a w eakness o f y o u r o w n w h ich

is difficult to accept. As y o u g ro w to love and accept yourself , this

will naturally spread to those around you.

W a lk in g m editation can be v e ry helpful w h en y o u are angry. T ry

reciting this verse as y o u walk:

Breathing in, I know that anger is in me.

Breathing out, I know this feeling is unpleasant.

88 Relationship and Community Practices

A n d then, after a w h ile o f w a lk in g m editation:

Breathing in, I feel calm.

Breathing out, I am now strong enough to take care of this anger.

Until y o u are calm en o u g h to look d irectly at the anger, just en joy

y o u r breathing, y o u r w alking , and the beauties o f the outdoors. A fter

a while , the a nger will subside, and y o u will feel s trong en o u g h to

look d irectly at it, to try to understand its causes, and to b eg in the

w o rk o f transform ing it.

If, w h en y o u are angry, y o u practice s itting m editation, y o u can

m editate on this gatha:

Getting angry at each other in the ultimate dimension,

we should only close our eyes and look into the future.

In one hundred years from now,

where will you be, and where shall I be?

T h is is the insight o f im perm anence . W h e n y o u get an gry w ith the

one yo u love, y o u want to punish him to get relief. T h a t is a natural

tendency. But if y o u just c lo se y o u r eyes and visualize y o u rse lf and

y o u r b e lo ve d one hundred o r three hundred years from now, you

will get the insight o f im perm anence . Just one in-breath and one

out-breath is en o u gh for y o u to get the insight. W h e n y o u open

y o u r eyes, y o u o n ly w ant to do one thing, and that is to open y o u r

arms and h u g that person. T h a t is the o n ly th in g w orth doing, to

cherish his presence because o f im perm anence . It's o n ly w h en yo u

are unaware o f the nature o f im perm anence that y o u get angry.

You suffer not because th ings are im perm anent. You suffer because

th ings are im perm anent and y o u don't k n o w that th ey are im p erm a­

nent. T h is is v e ry important. So , it is v e ry helpful to practice mindful

b reath ing in o rder to gain the insight o f im p erm anence and keep it

alive. T h e n y o u will k n o w w h at to do and w h at not to do to make

Relationship and Community Practices 89

life m ore pleasant. L o o k in g into a flower, lo o k in g into a c loud , lo o k ­

ing into a l iv ing being, y o u touch the nature o f im perm anence . H o w

im portant is im perm anence? W ith o u t im perm anence , n o th in g can

he possible. D on 't com pla in about im perm anence . If th ings w e re not

im perm anent, h o w cou ld a grain o f corn b e c o m e a corn plant? H o w

cou ld y o u r ch ild g ro w up? Im perm anen ce is the ground o f life. But

.ilthough y o u live with the reality o f im p erm anence e v e ry day, yo u

deny it. W h e n y o u practice lo o k in g d e e p ly into things, yo u can d is­

c o v e r the nature o f im perm anence , and m ake it a l iv ing insight that

you carry w ith y o u in e v e ry minute o f y o u r life.

PracticeS T R O N G E M O T I O N S I

E very time sadness or an g e r or d isappointm ent surface, y o u have

the ca p a c i ty to deal with it. Because y o u r anger, y o u r d isa p p o in t­

ment, is part o f you , don't fight against it o r oppress it. T o do so is

to co m m it a v io len t act against yourself . Instead, each time a storm

o f s trong em o tio n co m e s up, sit quietly, keep y o u r back straight,

return to y o u r breath, return to y o u r body, c lose all the w in d o w s of

you r senses.

You have six senses: eyes , ears, nose, tongue, body, and mind.

D on't look, don't listen, and don't con tinue th inking about the thing

that y o u b el ieve is the source o f y o u r suffering: that one sentence,

one letter, one action, or o ne p iece o f news. Return to yourself , take

hold o f y o u r breathing, fo l lo w y o u r breathing, hold t ightly to y o u r

in-breath and out-breath, just like a captain h o ld in g tight to the

wheel o f a boat that is b e in g tossed b y the ocean waves. M indfu l

breath ing is the anchor, the w heel , and the mast.

Breathe a long breath, p a y in g c o m p lete attention to y o u r b re a th ­

ing in and out. Pay attention to y o u r lo w e r belly, see that y o u r be l ly

contracts w h en yo u breathe out and exp and s w h en you 're breath in g

in. K e e p y o u r attention at the level o f y o u r lo w e r belly, don't let it

90 Relationship and Community Practices

w a n d e r in y o u r head. S to p all thinking, o n ly c lo se ly fo l lo w you r

breath. R em ind yourself , "1 h ave passed th rou gh m an y storms. Every

storm has to pass, there is no storm that will stay there forever. T h is

condit ion o f the m ind will also g o by. E v ery th in g is impermanent.

T h e storm is o n ly a storm. W e are not o n ly a storm. W e can find

sa fety right in the storm. W e will not let the storm create harm in

us." W h e n y o u can see it like that, w h en y o u rem em b er it like that,

y o u a lread y beg in to be y o u r o w n boss, and you 're no lo n g e r the

victim o f the em otional storm.

L o o k in g at the top o f a tree b e in g tossed around b y a storm, we

have the feeling that the tree will be b lo w n a w a y b y the storm at

a n y m om ent. But if w e look at the trunk and the base o f the tree,

w e can see that the tree has m any roots that attach d e e p ly into the

earth. W e feel at ease, w e k n o w that the tree will stand strong. D an

tien is the V ietnam ese w o rd for the e n e rg y point just b e lo w our belly

button,- it is the root o f the tree. Pay attention to the lo w er part of

y o u r bel ly and don't let y o u r thinking, seeing, o r hearing pull you

to the top o f the tree. Practice breath in g like that for five, ten, or

fifteen minutes, keep in g y o u r mind focused o n ly on y o u r breath ing

and y o u r lo w e r belly, and let y o u r em otion s g o by. W h e n the storm

of em otion passes, y o u k n o w that y o u have the c a p ac ity to protect

yourself , y o u have the abil ity to m anage y o u r em otional storms. You

have faith in yourself , and you 're no lo ng er fearful. You have w ays

to protect yo u rse lf e ve ry time an em otional storm co m e s up or sur­

faces,- therefore, y o u are v e ry m uch at peace.

PracticeS T R O N G E M O T I O N S II

If you 're ex p e r ie n c in g a difficult time in life, you'l l need to bolster

y o u r feelings o f happiness before y o u can w o rk on y o u r challenges.

It m ight seem as if the reverse w ere true. But b y nourish ing yourse lf

w ith happiness first, yo u lay the g ro u n d w o rk to address y o u r pain.

Relationship and Community Practices 91

T h e fo l lo w in g m editation can help.

Sit still in a quiet spot and b r in g y o u r aw areness to y o u r breath. U se

the first o f the fo l lo w in g m editations to create a sense o f inner joy.

The s e c o n d m editation will then g ive y o u the cou rage to address

y o u r feelings o f pain.

1 .

Breath in g in, I am a w a re o f the feelin g o f j o y in m yself.

B reath in g out, I smile to the feelin g o f j o y that is in m yself.

B reath in g in, I ant a w a re o f the feelin g o f happiness in m yself.

B reath in g out, I smile to the feelin g o f happiness that is in m yself.

2.B reath in g in, I am a w a re o f the pa in fu l feelin g in me.

B reath in g out, I release the tension w ithin that p a in fu l feelin g in me.

SHINING LIGHT

T o shine light on a person means to use one's observat ion and insight

in order to advise so m e o n e about his s trengths and w eaknesses in

the practice and to pro po se w a y s to practice that he can profit from.

T h is is an im portant practice that w o rk s best w h en there are deep

relationships, regular practice, and stron g c o n n ect io n s b etw een the

people involved.

Practice

Each practit ioner asks the Sa n g h a to shine light upon her in o rd er to

help her to see herself m ore clearly, her strengths and w eaknesses,

and the quality o f her practice. It is a ve ry deep practice for those

sh in ing light as well as for the one receiving. It requires d eep lo o k ­

ing. W e need to look at our b roth er and sister and get in touch

with w h at w e truly appreciate about his o r her practice. T h e only

m otivation must be a desire to help that is generated from love and

com passion for the person w h o is receiving.

T h e co n c e rn e d person jo in s her palms and asks the Sa n g h a to

shine light on her: "D ea r San gh a , please tell m e o f m y strengths and

w eaknesses, and indicate to me the kind o f practices 1 should take up

in order to im prove m y practice." A n d then she will express herself

c o n c e rn in g the practice she has taken up during the last few months:

"D ea r San g h a , 1 have these weaknesses, this kind o f habit energy.

I've been try ing to b ec o m e aw are o f these habit energies and have

Relationship and Community Practices 93

used these m ethods in o rder to o v e rc o m e and transform m y habit

energies" and so on. "I've succeed ed in these m eth ods but haven't

been v e r y successful in transform ing this and that.” A n d the person

will tell the Sa n g h a h o w she sees herself.

T h e n e ach person in the S a n g h a takes a turn in o rder to tell her

and the w h o le Sa n g h a w h at he kn o w s about that person. S o e v e r y ­

one is listening, including the person w h o has asked the Sa n g h a to

shine l ight on her.

W e d o this practice o n ly w h en w e 've lived to g eth er for at least

three m onths, it w orks quite well w h en the p eop le have kn o w n each

o th er for m uch lo ng er than that. First, w e w ater the flowers in the

person on w h o m we're sh in ing light. W e tell her about her strengths,

her g o o d n ess , and her posit ive aspects in order to help these things

to grow. A n d then w e talk about the things that cou ld be im proved,

the w eaknesses . T h is is a lw ays done w ith love, w isd om , and c o m ­

passion. Because w e are using lov ing speech , the person does not

get hurt. Finally, w e p ro po se practices she can use to im p ro ve her

tem peram ent and so on. W h e n w e p ro po se som ething , it should

c o m e from our ow n experiences . If w e have practiced, if w e have

o v e rc o m e difficulties, if w e have transform ed, w e p ro po se v e r y c o n ­

crete th ings that have h e lped us. W h a t w e say will be v e r y c lose to

the truth and will help that person to see herself m ore clearly, she

will profit and will take up the things w e suggest in o rder to im prove

her practice. W e're not cr it ic iz ing, but rather support ing and sharing

in each person's path and practice.

It's im portant to have one person w rite d o w n e ve ry th in g that has

been said in the session o f shining light. A n o th e r person will take

the notes and put them into a letter ca lled the letter o f sh in ing light.

T h e letter o f shining l ight has at least three parts. T h e first part o f

the letter talks about the posit ive points, the strengths, and the g o o d

qualities o f the person. T h e second part o f the letter deals w ith the

w eaknesses that are still there. A nd the third part o f the letter is for

94 Relationship and Community Practices

m aking proposa ls as to h o w that person can im p ro ve his practice

and quality o f life. S o there's a lot o f love in the w o rk o f sh in ing light

on one person.

In the b eg inn ing , w e m ay be v e r y reluctant. W e m ay be a little bit

afraid that p eo p le will talk about our weaknesses,- it sounds unp leas­

ant. But soon w e m ay find that w e like it. W e learn so m uch, we

understand ourselves m uch better after a session o f sh in ing light.

If w e sit in a session o f sh in ing light, w e learn a lot. E v ery o n e

has his o w n vision. W e c o m b in e everyone 's v is ion into a co l lec t ive

vision, and w e call it the Sa n g h a eyes. S a n g h a e yes are a lw ays much

brigh ter than the individual eyes. W h e n w e use our individual eyes

to look, w e m ay not see v e r y clearly . But if thirty, forty, fifty people

co m b in e their observation , their vision, then that will bring us c loser

to the truth.

WRITING A LOVE LETTER

If w e h ave difficult ies w ith so m e o n e in our life, w e m ig h t spend

som e time a lone and w rite a letter to him. W e can write the letter to

so m eo n e w e see e ve ry d a y or, just as e ffectively , to so m e o n e w e have

not seen for years. M a n y p eo p le h ave found this practice helpful

w h en w rit in g to a fam ily m e m b e r w h o is no long er living. T o d o the

w o rk o f reconciliat ion is a great o f fe r ing w e can make to ourselves,

our b e lo ve d ones, and our ancestors. W e rec o nc i le with our m other

and father inside o f us, and w e m ight also d isc o ver a skillful w a y to

reconci le w ith our m o th e r and father outside o f us. It is n ever too

late to bring peace and heal in g into our b lo o d family.

Practice

G iv e you rse lf at least three hours to write a letter using lo v in g speech.

W h ile y o u w rite the letter, practice lo o k in g d e e p ly into the nature

o f y o u r relationship. W h y has co m m u nic at io n been difficult? W h y

has happiness not been possible? You m ay w ant to beg in like this:

M y dear son,

1 k n o w y o u have suffered a lot during the past m any years. 1

have not been able to help y o u — in fact, I have m ade the s itu­

ation w orse . It is not m y intention to m ake y o u suffer, m y son.

M a y b e 1 am not skillful enough. M a y b e I try to im pose m y

ideas on you , and I m ake y o u suffer. In the past I thought yo u

m ade me suffer— that m y suffering w as caused b y you . N o w I

96 Relationship and Community Practices

realize that I have been responsib le for m y o w n suffering, and

I have m ade y o u suffer. As a father I don't w ant y o u to su f­

fer. Please help me. Please tell me o f m y unskillfulness in the

past so that I will not continue to m ake y o u suffer, because if

y o u suffer 1 will suffer too. I need y o u r help, m y dear son. W e

should be a h a p p y couple , father and son. 1 am determ ined to

do it. Please tell me w h a t is in y o u r heart. I prom ise to do m y

best to refrain from sa y in g things or d o in g things that m ake

y o u suffer. You need to help me, o th erw ise it is not possib le

for me to do it. I can't do it alone. In the past, e v e ry time I su f­

fered I was inclined to punish you , and say o r do things that

m ade y o u suffer. I th o ug ht that w as the w a y to get relief, but I

was w ro n g . I realize n o w that a n y th in g I sa y o r do that m akes

y o u suffer, m akes me suffer also. 1 am determ ined not to d o it

any m o re . Please help me.

You will find that the person w h o finishes w rit ing the letter is not the

same person w h o b egan it. Peace, understanding, and com passion

have transform ed you . A miracle can be ac h iev e d in tw enty-fo u r

hours. T h a t is the practice o f lov ing speech.

EXTENDED PRACTICES

SOLITUDE

T h e Buddha was surrounded b y thousands o f m onks. H e w alked , he

sat, he ate a m o n g the m onks and the nuns, but he a lw ays dw elled

in his silence. T h e re is a Buddhist text called Sutra on K n o w in g the

Better W a y o f L iv in g A lo n e . L iv in g a lone does not mean that there's

no one around us. L iv in g a lone means that w e are established firmly

in the here and the now, and w e are aw are o f e ve ry th in g that is h a p ­

pening in the present m om ent. You use y o u r m indfulness to b ec o m e

aware o f eve ry feeling, o f e ve ry perception in you rse lf and o f w h at is

h ap p en in g around you,- and y o u are a lw a y s w ith yourself , y o u don't

lose yourself . T h a t is the ideal w a y of l iv ing a life o f solitude. T h a t

is the Buddha's definition o f the ideal practice o f solitude: not to be

cau gh t in the past, not to be carried a w a y b y the future o r b y the

crow d, but to a lw ays be there, b o d y and mind united, b e c o m in g

aware o f w h a t is h a p p e n in g in the present m om ent.

W ith o u t the c a p ac ity for b e ing alone, w e b ec o m e p o o re r and

poorer. W e don't have en o u gh nourishm ent for ourselves, and w e

don't h ave much to offer others. Learning to live in solitude is very

important. Each day w e should d evote so m e time to b e in g p h y s i ­

ca l ly alone, because then it's easier to practice nourishing ourselves

and lo o k in g deeply.

So litud e is not about b e ing a lone high up in the mountains, o r in

a hut d eep in the forest. It's not about h id ing ourselves a w a y from

civi l ization. Real solitude co m e s from a stable heart that do es not

get carried a w a y b y the c ro w d or our sorrow s about the past, our

w orries about the future o r our exc item en t about the present. W e do

100 Extended Practices

riot lose ourselves,- w e do not lose our m indfulness. T o take refuge

in our mindful breathing, to c o m e back to the present m om ent, is to

take refuge in the beautiful, serene is land w ithin each o f us.

T h a t doesn't mean it's im possib le to practice b e in g a lone and

lo o k in g d e e p ly w h en we're w ith a c r o w d o f people . It is possible.

Even if we're in a m arketplace, w e can be a lone and not be carried

a w a y b y the c row d . W e are still ourselves. W e are still ourselves even

if w e are in a group discussion and there is co l lec t ive em otion . W e

still dwell sa fe ly and so lid ly in our o w n island.

Practice

T h e first step is to be p h y s ic a l ly alone. T h e seco nd step is to be

yo u rse lf and to live in solitude, even w h e n in a group. L iv ing in

solitude doesn't mean y o u cut yo u rse lf o f f from others. It's because

you 're in solitude that y o u can be in co m m u n io n with the world . I

feel co n n e c te d to y o u because 1 am fully m yself. It's so simple. To

really relate to the w orld , y o u have to first g o back and relate to

yourself.

Practice sitting m editation, w alking, meals, and w o rk in g with

others, but a lw ays c o m e back to y o u r o w n island as well . En joy

b e in g to g e th e r with y o u r fam ily and fr iends w ith ou t ge tt in g caughl

and lost in the group em otion s and perceptions. Your com m unity ,

y o u r San gh a , is y o u r support. W h e n yo u see so m eo n e in y o u r c o m ­

m unity ac t ing in m indfulness, speak ing w ith love, and e n jo y in g her

w ork , she is y o u r rem inder to return to y o u r o w n source o f m indfu l­

ness, and return to solitude.

W h e n y o u e n jo y y o u r time w ith the p eo p le and fr iends around

y o u and y o u don't feel lost in y o u r interactions with others, then

even in the midst o f society , y o u can sm ile and breathe in peace,

d w ell in g in the island o f self.

SILENCE

Si lence is so m e th in g that co m e s from our o w n hearts, and not from

s o m eo n e outside. If w e are truly silent, then no matter w h at situa­

tion w e find ourselves in, w e can e n jo y the silence. S i lence does not

o n ly mean not talking and not d o in g loud things. S i le n ce m eans

that we're not disturbed inside,- there's no ta lk ing inside. T h e r e are

m om ents w h en w e think that w e are silent and that all around is

silent, but there's talking g o in g on all the time inside our head. That's

not silence.

T h e practice is not creat ing silence outside o f our activities, but

creating silence within them. Eating w ith others in a S a n g h a o r fam ­

ily is an o p p o rtu n ity to e n jo y silence. S it t in g and w alk in g m ed ita ­

tion are opportunit ies for silence, as is listening to a D h arm a talk, a

Buddhist teach er talking about the Buddha's teachings. W h e n w e are

silent inside, aw areness can penetrate into the soil o f our souls.

Practice

At retreats in the Plum V il lag e practice centers, a period o f deep

s ilence is ob served starting from the end o f the e ve n in g sitting m e d i­

tation until after breakfast the next m orning. A l lo w the s ilence and

the calm ness to penetrate y o u r flesh and bones. A l lo w the e n e rg y of

the Sa n g h a and its m indfulness to penetrate y o u r b o d y and mind.

Return to y o u r s leeping space s lowly, aw are o f e very step. Breathe

d eep ly and e n jo y the stillness and the freshness. Even if there is a

person w a lk in g b y y o u r side, maintain y o u r silence,- this person needs

102 Extended Practices

y o u r support too. You can stay a lone outside with the trees and the

stars, then g o inside, use the b athroom , c h a n g e y o u r clothes, and go

to bed right away.

L y in g on y o u r back, y o u can practice D e e p R elaxation until sleep

com es. In the m orning, m o ve m indfu lly and silently to the b a th ­

room , taking time to breathe, and then p ro ce ed right a w a y to the

m editation hall. You do not have to w ait for an y o n e . W h e n y o u see

so m e o n e a lo n g the path, just jo in y o u r palms and bow, a l lo w in g him

to e n jo y the m o rn in g the w a y y o u do.

LAZY DAY

M a n y o f us are oversch ed u led , even our ch i ldren are o verscheduled .

W e think k e e p in g busy will satisfy us, but our constant busyness is

one o f the reasons w e suffer from stress and depression. W e have

pushed ourselves to w o rk too hard and w e h ave pushed our children

to w o rk too hard. T h is is not a civi l ization. W e have to c h a n g e the

situation.

A L a z y D a y is a d a y for us to be w ith ou t a n y scheduled activities.

W e just let the d ay unfold naturally, t imelessly. W e m ay do w alk ing

m editation on our ow n o r with a friend o r do sitting m editation in

the forest. W e m ight like to read l ightly or w rite h o m e to our fam ily

or to a friend.

It can be a d a y for us to look m ore d e e p ly at our practice and at

our relations with others. W e m ay learn a lot about h o w w e have

been practic ing. W e m ay re c o g n iz e w hat to do o r not to d o in order

to bring m ore h arm o n y into our practice. So m etim es, w e m ay force

ourselves too much in the practice, creat ing d ish arm o ny w ithin and

around us. O n this day, w e have a ch a n c e to ba lance ourselves. W e

m ay re c o g n iz e that w e m a y s im p ly need to rest or that w e should

practice m ore diligently. It is a ve ry quiet d ay for everyo n e .

W h e n w e do not h ave so m e th in g to do, w e get bored and seek for

s o m e th in g to do or for entertainm ent. W e are ve ry afraid o f b e ing

there and d o in g nothing. T h e L a z y D a y has been prescribed for us

to train ourselves not to be afraid o f d o in g nothing. O th erw ise , we

have no means to co n fro n t our stress and depression . It is o n ly w h en

w e get bored and b ec o m e aw are that w e are seek ing entertainm ent

104 Extended Practices

to h ide the feelings o f loneliness and w orth lessness in ourselves

that the tension, the depression , the stress beg in to dissolve. W e

can arrange our daily lives so w e have opportunit ies to learn being

peace, b e in g joy, b e in g lov ing , and b e in g com pass ionate .

Practice

A L a z y D a y isn't a day w h en y o u can just do w h at y o u like. O n most

days y o u h ave So m any things to do for o th er people , da i ly things,

and there are things yo u w o u ld v e ry much like to do for yourself . But

that is not the L a z y Day. L a z y D a y is a d ay w h en y o u refrain from

d o in g any th ing . You resist d o in g things. Because y o u are used to

a lw ays d o in g som ething , it has b ec o m e a bad habit. T h e L a z y D a y

is a kind o f drastic measure against that kind o f habit energy.

O n L a z y D a y s , y o u do y o u r best to refrain from d o in g som ething.

T ry to do nothing. It's hard. It's hard, but y o u can learn a new w ay

o f being. You think that w h e n you 're not d o in g any th ing , you 're

w asting y o u r time. That's not true. Your time is, first o f all, for yo u to

be: to be alive, to be peace, to be joy, and to be loving. T h e w orld

needs jo y o u s and lov ing p eo p le w h o are cap ab le o f just being w ith ­

out doing. If y o u kn o w the art o f b e in g peace, o f b e in g solid, then

y o u h ave the ground for e v e ry action. T h e ground for action is to be,

and the quali ty o f b e ing determ ines the quality o f doing. A n d action

must be based on non-action . W e usually say: "Don't just sit there,

do som ething ." But w e have to reverse that s tatem ent to say: "Don't

just do som ething , sit there," in ord er to be in such a w a y that peace,

understanding, and co m p ass io n are possible.

LISTENING TO A DHARMA TALK

T h e teachings o f the Buddha are ca lled the D h arm a. If y o u attend

a retreat at a practice center, o r if y o u g o to a sitting gro up o r class

in y o u r n e ig h b o rh o o d that is led b y a lay D h a rm a teacher, y o u will

have the o p p o rtu n ity to hear a D h arm a talk.

Practice

Arrive early for the talk so that y o u m ay h ave eno u gh time to find

a seat and establish you rse lf in a peaceful state o f mind. Listen to

the talks w ith an open mind and a receptive heart. If yo u listen o n ly

w ith y o u r intellect, c o m p a r in g and ju d g in g w h at is said to w hat you

already think yo u kn o w o r w hat yo u have heard others say, y o u m ay

miss the ch an c e to truly receive the m essage that is b e ing transmitted.

T h e D h arm a is like rain. Let it penetrate d eep ly into y o u r c o n ­

sciousness, w atering the seeds o f w isdom and com pass ion that are

a lread y there. A b so rb the talk openly , like the earth re c e iv in g a

re fresh ing spring rain. T h e talk m ight be just the con d it ion our tree

needs to f lower and bear the fruits o f understanding and love.

O u t o f respect for the teachings and the teacher, you are asked to

sit on a chair or a cushion during the teachings and not to lie down. If

y o u feel tired during the talk, mindfully shift y o u r posit ion and prac­

tice deep breathing and gentle massage for one or two minutes to

bring fresh o x y g en to y o u r brain and the areas o f fatigue in y o u r body.

Refrain from talking o r m aking disturb ing noises during the

D h arm a talk. If it is abso lute ly necessary to leave during the talk,

please do so with a m inim um o f disturbance to others.

DHARMA DISCUSSION

D h a rm a discussion is an o p p o rtu n ity to benefit from each other's

insights and exp er ience o f the practice. It is a special time for us to

share our experiences , our jo y s , our difficulties, and our questions

re lating to the practice o f mindfulness. By practic ing deep listen­

ing w h ile others are speaking , w e help create a calm and receptive

env ironm ent. By learn ing to speak out about our happiness and our

difficulties in the practice, w e contribute to the c o l lec t ive insight

and understanding o f the group.

Practice

Base y o u r sharing o n ly on y o u r o w n e x p er ien ce o f the practice

rather than about abstract ideas and theoretical topics. M a n y o f us

share similar difficulties and aspirations. Sitting, listening, and shar­

ing together, y o u re c o g n iz e y o u r true c o n n ect io n s to others. O n e

person shares at a time. W h i le that person is speaking, e v e ry o n e fo l­

low s their breath in g and listens deep ly w ith ou t ju d g in g or reacting,

and w ith out m aking cross talk o r o f fe r in g advice.

R e m e m b e r that w h a te ve r is shared during the D h a rm a discussion

time is confidential. If a friend shares about a difficulty she is facing,

respect that she m ay o r m a y not wish to talk about this outside of

the D h arm a discussion time.

Discussing the Dharma in the ultimate dimension,

we look at each other and smile.

You are me, don't you see?

Speaking and listening, we are one.

TO U CH ING THE EARTH

T h e practice o f T o u c h in g the Earth, also k n o w n as b o w in g d e e p ly

or prostrating , helps us return to the earth and to our roots, and to

re c o gn iz e that w e are not a lone but co n n e c te d to a w h o le stream of

spiritual and b lo o d ancestors. W e touch the earth to let g o o f the

idea that w e are separate and to remind us that w e are the earth and

part o f life.

W h e n w e touch the earth w e b ec o m e small , w ith the h um ility and

s im plic ity o f a y o u n g child . W h e n w e touch the earth w e b ec o m e

great, like an ancient tree send in g her roots deep into the earth,

drink ing from the source o f all waters. W h e n w e touch the earth,

w e breathe in all the strength and stability o f the earth, and breathe

out our suffering— our feelings o f anger, hatred, fear, inadequacy,

and grief.

Practice

To b eg in this practice, jo in y o u r palms in front o f y o u r chest in the

shape o f a lotus bud. T h e n ge n t ly low er y o u rse lf to the gro und so

that y o u r shins, forearms, and forehead are resting c o m fo rta b ly on

the floor. W h i le to uc h in g the earth, turn y o u r palms face up, s h o w ­

ing y o u r o p enness to the T h re e Je w e ls — the Buddha, D h arm a, and

San gh a. Breathe in all the strength and stability o f the earth, and

breathe out to release y o u r c l ing ing to a n y suffering. A fter o n e or

tw o times o f practic ing T o u c h in g the Earth, yo u can a lread y release

a lot o f y o u r suffering and feeling o f alienation and reconci le with

y o u r ancestors, parents, children , or friends.

T o u c h in g the Earth is a practice that is helpful to d o with y o u r

108 Extended Practices

San gh a. W h e n y o u are w ith a San gh a , one person can be the bell

m aster and invite the bell b etw een prostrations. T h is sam e person

can read T h e Five Earth T o u c h in g s aloud w h ile e ve ry o n e prostrates.

If y o u practice T o u c h in g the Earth on y o u r o w n, y o u can m ake a

record ing o f yo u rse lf read ing the text or do it from mem ory.

T H E F IV E E A R T H T O U C H I N G S

In gratitude, I bow to all generations oj ancestors in my blood family.

I see m y m other and father, w h o se b lood, flesh, and vitality are c ircu­

lating in m y ow n veins and nourishing e very cell in me. T h ro u g h them

1 see m y four grandparents. 1 carry in me the life, b lood, experience,

w isdom , happiness, and sorrow o f all generations. I open m y heart,

flesh, and bones to receive the energy o f insight, love, and exp er i­

ence transmitted to me by m y ancestors. I k n o w that parents always

love and support their children and grandchildren, although they

arc not a lw ays able to express it skillfully because o f difficulties they

encounter. As a continuation o f m y ancestors, I a llow their e n erg y to

flow through me, and ask for their support, protection, and strength.

In gratitude, I bow to all generations of ancestors in my spiritual family.

1 see in m y se lf m y teachers, the ones w h o sh o w me the w a y o f love

and understanding, the w a y to breathe, smile, forgive , and live

d eep ly in the present m om ent. I open m y heart and m y b o d y to

receive the e n e rg y o f understanding, lo v in g kindness, and p ro te c ­

tion from the A w ak ened O n e s , their teachings, and the com m unity

o f practice o v e r m any generations. I v o w to practice to transform

the suffering in m yse lf and the w orld , and to transmit their energy

to future generations o f practitioners.

In gratitude, I bow to this land and all of the ancestors who made it available.

I see that I am w h o le , protected , and nourished b y this land and all

o f the living beings that h ave been here and m ade life w orthw hile

Extended Practices 109

and possib le for me through all their efforts. 1 see m y se lf to u c h ­

ing m y ancestors o f N a t ive A m erican origin w h o have lived on this

land for such a long time and k n o w the w a y s to live in p eace and

h a rm o n y w ith nature, pro tecting the m ountains, forests, animals ,

vegetat io n , and minerals o f this land. I feel the e n e rg y o f this land

penetrating m y b o d y and soul, sup p ort ing and ac c e p t in g me. I v o w

to contribute m y part in transform ing the v io lence , hatred, and d e lu ­

sion that still lie d eep in the consc iousness o f this so c ie ty so that

future g enerations will h ave m ore safety, joy , and peace. 1 ask this

land for its protection and support.

In gratitude and compassion, I bow down and transmit my energy to those I love.

All the e n e rg y 1 have rece ived I now w ant to transmit to m y father,

m y mother, e v e ry o n e 1 love, and all w h o have suffered and w orried

because o f me and for m y sake. I w ant all o f them to be h e a lth y and

joyfu l . I pray that all ancestors in m y b lo o d and spiritual families will

focus their energies tow ard each o f them, to protect and support

them. I am o n e with those I love.

In understanding and compassion, I bow down to reconcile myself with

all those who have made me suffer.

I open m y heart and send forth m y en e rg y o f love and understanding

to e v e ry o n e w h o has m ade me suffer, to those w h o have d estro yed

m uch o f m y life and the lives o f those I love. I kn o w now that these

p eop le have them selves un d ergo n e a lot o f suffering and that their

hearts are o ver lo ad ed with pain, anger, and hatred. I pray that they

can be transform ed to e x p er ien ce the j o y o f living, so that th ey will

not con tinue to make them selves and others suffer. I see their su f­

fering and do not w ant to ho ld a n y feelings o f hatred or a n g e r in

m yse lf to w ard them. I do not w ant them to suffer. I channel m y

e n e rg y o f love and understanding to them and ask all m y ancestors

to help them.

TRAVELING AND RETURNING HOME

W e are used to traveling a lot. Even w h en w e g o on a vacation , or

co m e to a practice center o r anoth er place o f rest, w e are a lready

often p lann ing our d ay trips or escapes. A t Plum Village, w e refrain

from traveling into tow n as m uch as w e can. O u r time spent here

at the practice center is v e r y precious. T h e r e are m any nurturing

e lem ents o f p eace and happiness here, such as the beautiful trees

and forests, the birds, our brothers and sisters w h o have c o m e from

all walks o f life to practice like us. T h e c o l lec t ive e n e rg y o f the

S an g h a is the most precious thing. W e spend our time d evo ted to

the practice.

O ften , o n c e p eop le h ave found a p lace w h e re th ey can relax or

have m ade a h o m e at one o f the practice centers, th ey feel sad w hen

the time c o m e s to leave. But there is no c o m in g and no g o ing , for w e

are a lw ays w ith you , and y o u with us. W h e n y o u g o hom e, re m e m ­

ber to return to y o u r breathing. You will k n o w that the fr iends at

Plum V il lag e and our S a n g h a b o d y all o v er the w orld are breath ing

too.

Practice

O n the d ay that y o u are traveling o r are leav ing to g o on a trip,

invite a bell fifteen minutes befo re the departure time. A l lo w y o u r­

self eno u gh time for preparation so y o u w on 't have to rush. Begin

h ead in g tow ard the bus, car, o r van so that y o u will not be late and

keep the others wait ing. W a lk m indfu lly and enter a car that has an

Extended Practices 111

e m p ty seat. Sit up straight and fo l low y o u r breathing. You m ig h t like

to o b serve the surrounding countryside . Refrain from b e in g carried

a w a y b y conversations .

C o n t in u e y o u r practice as y o u return to y o u r hom e, y o u r family,

and society . A s y o u have learned to live in h a rm o n y with the Sa n gh a

in Plum V illage, y o u can also cu ltivate h a rm o n y in y o u r fam ily and

in society . A s y o u have learned to understand and apprec iate y o u r

fr iends in the practice, y o u can also learn to understand and a p p re ­

c iate y o u r c o w o rk e rs and y o u r neighbors. You can practice lov ing

speech w ith strangers on the c ity bus, just as y o u do w ith the sisters

and brothers at Plum Village. M in dfu lness practice is e v e ry w h e re

y o u go.

A n y w h e r e , any time y o u like, y o u can take refuge in the practices

o f co n sc io us breathing, mindful eating, lo v in g speech, d eep listen­

ing, and m any o th er w onderfu l practices. W h e n y o u do, yo u will

feel ve ry co n n e c te d and not alone. You b ec o m e as large as the w h o le

com m unity , the w h o le S a n g h a body.

METTA/LOVE MEDITATION

T o love is, first o f all, to accep t ourselves as w e actually are. T h a t is

w h y in this L o v e M ed itat ion , " K n o w in g T h y s e l f " is the first practice ol

love. W h e n w e practice this, w e see the co n d it io ns that have caused

us to be the w a y w e are. T h is m akes it easy for us to accept ourselves,

including our suffering and our happiness at the same time.

O n e day, K in g Prasenajit o f K o sh a la asked Q u e e n M allika , "M y

dear wife, is there an y o n e w h o loves yo u as m uch as y o u love y o u r­

self?" T h e queen laughed and responded, " M y dear husband, is there

an y o n e w h o loves y o u m ore than y o u love yourself?" T h e next day,

th ey told the Buddha o f their conversation , and he said, "You are

correct. T h e re is no one in the universe m o re dear to us than our­

selves. T h e mind m ay travel in a thousand directions, but it will find

no o ne else m ore be loved . T h e m om ent y o u see h o w im portant it is

to love yourself , y o u will stop m aking others suffer."

M dta means lov ing kindness. W e b eg in this with an aspiration:

"M a y 1 b e . . . . ' ' T h e n w e transcend the level o f aspiration and look

d eep ly at all the posit ive and negative characterist ics o f the o b ject of

our m editation, in this case, ourselves. T h e w ill ingness to love is not

y e t love. W e look deeply, w ith all our being, in ord er to understand.

W e don't just repeat the w ords , or imitate others, o r strive after some

ideal. T h e practice o f love m editation is not auto-suggestion. W e

don't just say, "1 love myself. I love all beings." W e look d e e p ly at our

body, our feelings, our perceptions, our mental formations, and our

consciousness , and in just a few w eeks, our aspiration to love will

b ec o m e a d eep intention. L o v e will enter our thoughts, our words,

Extended Practices 1 1 3

and our actions, and w e will notice that w e h ave b e c o m e peaceful,

happy, and light in b o d y and spirit,- safe and free from injury,- and

Iree from anger, afflictions, fear, and anxiety.

W h e n w e practice, w e ob serve h o w m uch peace, happiness, and

lightness w e a lread y have. W e notice w h e th e r w e are anxious about

accidents o r misfortunes, and h o w m uch anger, irritation, fear, a n x i­

ety, or w o rr y are a lread y in us. A s w e b e c o m e aw are o f the feelings

in us, our se lf-understanding will deepen. W e will see h o w our fears

and lack o f p eace contribute to our unhappiness, and w e will see the

value o f lo v in g ourselves and cu lt ivating a heart o f com pass ion .

In this love meditation, "anger, afflictions, fear, and anxiety" refer

to all the u n w h o leso m e, negative states o f mind that dwell in us

and rob us o f our peace and happiness. A nger, fear, anxiety, craving,

greed, and ig norance are the great afflictions o f our time. By p ra c­

t ic ing mindful living, w e are able to deal w ith them, and o ur love is

translated into e ffective action.

Practice

T h is is a love m editation adapted from the V isu d d h im ag g a (T h e

Path o f Purification) by Buddhaghosa , a f i fth-century c.E. sy s tem ati­

zation o f the Buddha's teachings.

M a y I be peaceful, happy, and light in body and spirit.

M a y I be safe and free from injury.

M a y I be free from anger, afflictions, fear, and anxiety.

M a y I learn to look at myself with the eyes of understanding and love.

M a y I be able to recognize and touch the seeds jo y and happiness in myself.

M a y I learn to identify and see the sources of anger, craving, and delusion

in myself.

114 Extended Practices

M a y I know bow to nourish the seeds of jo y in myself every day.

M a y I be able to live fresh, solid, and free.

M a y I be free from attachment and aversion, but not be indifferent.

T o practice this love meditation, sit still, ca lm y o u r b o d y and you r

breathing, and recite it to yourself . T h e s itting position is a w o n d e r ­

ful position for practic ing this. S it t in g still, y o u are not too p re o c ­

cupied with o th e r matters, so y o u can look d e e p ly at y o u rse lf as you

are, cu ltivate y o u r love for yourself , and determ ine the best w a y s to

express this love in the world .

Begin practic ing this love m editation on y o u rse lf ("I"). Until you

are able to love and take care o f yourself , y o u can no t be o f much

help to others. A fter that, practice on others (M a y he/she/they be

peaceful, happy, and light in b o d y and spirit.)— first on so m e o n e you

like, then on so m e o n e neutral to you , then on so m eo n e yo u love, and

finally on so m e o n e the mere th oug ht o f w h o m m akes yo u suffer.

A c c o rd in g to the Buddha, a hum an being is m ade o f five elements,

ca lled skandhas in Sanskrit. T h e s e skandhas are form, feelings, per­

ceptions, mental formations, and consciousness. In a way, y o u are

the surveyor, and these e lem ents are y o u r territory. T o kn o w the

real situation w ith in yourself , yo u have to k n o w y o u r ow n territory,

including the e lem ents w ithin y o u that are at w ar with each other.

In order to bring about harm ony, reconciliat ion, and h ea l in g within,

yo u have to understand yourself . L o o k in g and listening deeply, sur­

v e y in g y o u r territory, is the b eg in n in g o f love meditation.

Begin this practice b y lo o k in g d eep ly into the skandha o f form,

that is, y o u r body. Ask: H o w is m y b o d y in this m om ent? H o w was

it in the past? H o w will it be in the future? Later, w h en y o u meditate

on so m e o n e y o u like, so m e o n e neutral t o yo u , so m eo n e y o u love,

and so m e o n e y o u hate, y o u also beg in b y lo o k in g at his physical

aspects. Breathing in and out, visualize his face,- his w a y o f walking,

sitting, and talking,- his heart, lungs, k idneys , and all the organs i n

his body, tak ing as much time as y o u need to bring these details into

Extended Practices I 15

awareness. But a lw ays start w ith yourself . W h e n y o u see y o u r o w n

five skandhas clearly , understanding and love arise naturally, and y o u

k n o w w h at to do and w h a t not to do.

L o o k into y o u r b o d y to see w h e th e r it is at peace o r suffering

from illness. L o o k at the co n d it io n o f y o u r lungs, y o u r heart, y o u r

intestines, y o u r k idneys , and y o u r liver to see w h at the real needs of

y o u r b o d y are. W h e n y o u do, y o u will eat, drink, and act in w ays

that dem onstrate y o u r love and y o u r co m p ass io n for y o u r body.

U su a lly y o u fo l lo w ingrained habits. But w h e n y o u look deeply , yo u

see that m an y o f these habits harm y o u r b o d y and mind, so y o u

w o rk to transform y o u r habits in w a y s co n d u c ive to g o o d health

and vitality .

N e x t , o b serve y o u r fee lings— w h e th e r th e y are pleasant, un p leas­

ant, o r neutral. Feelings flow in us like a river, and each fee l ing is a

drop o f w ater in that river. L o o k into the river o f y o u r feelings and

see h o w each feeling cam e to be. Se e w hat has been preventin g y o u

from b ein g happy, and do y o u r best to transform those things. P ra c­

tice to uc h in g the w ond rous, refreshing, and healing e lem ents that

are a lread y in y o u and in the world . D o in g so, y o u b ec o m e stronger

and b etter able to love y o u rse lf and others.

T h e n m editate on y o u r perceptions. T h e Buddha o bserved , "T h e

person w h o suffers m ost in this w orld is the person w h o has m any

w ro n g perceptions, and m ost o f our perceptions are erroneous." You

see a snake in the dark and y o u panic, but w h en y o u r friend shines

a l ight on it, y o u see that it is o n ly a rope. You have to k n o w w h ich

w ro n g perceptions cause us to suffer. Please write beautifu lly the

sentence, "Are y o u sure?" on a p iece o f paper and tape it to y o u r wall.

Lo ve m editation helps y o u learn to look w ith clar ity and serenity in

order to im p ro ve the w a y y o u perceive.

N e x t , ob serve y o u r mental formations, the ideas and tendencies

within y o u that lead y o u to speak and act as y o u do. Practice lo o k ­

ing d e e p ly to d isc o ver the true nature o f y o u r mental form ations—

how y o u are influenced b y y o u r individual consc iousness and also

116 Extended Practices

b y the c o l lec t ive con sc iousn ess o f y o u r family, ancestors, and so c i­

ety. U n w h o le so m e mental form ations cause so m uch disturbance,-

w h o le so m e mental form ations b r in g about love, happiness, and

liberation.

Finally, look, at y o u r consc iousness. A c c o rd in g to Buddhism , c o n ­

sciousness is like a field w ith e v e ry possible k ind o f seed in it: seeds

o f love, com p ass ion , joy, and equanimity,- seeds o f anger, fear, and

anxiety,- and seeds o f mindfulness. C o n sc io u sn e ss is the storehouse

that conta ins all these seeds, all the possibilit ies o f w h at m ig h t arise

in y o u r mind. W h e n y o u r m ind is not at peace, it m ay be because of

the desires and feelings in y o u r store consciousness . T o live in peace,

y o u have to be aware o f y o u r tendenc ies— y o u r habit energies— so

y o u can exerc ise som e self-control. T h is is the practice o f preventive

health care. L o o k d e e p ly into the nature o f y o u r feelings to find their

roots, to see w h ich feelings need to be transform ed, and nourish

those feelings that bring about peace, joy , and w e ll-be ing.

UNILATERAL DISARMAMENT

W h a t can w e do w h en we're aw are w e 've d o n e so m e th in g that causes

others to be un h ap p y? T h e p eop le w e m ake suffer m ay still be alive.

T h e p eo p le w e have m ade suffer m ay have a lread y died. W h a t can

w e do to m ake am ends? T h e w o u n d is not o n ly in the body, in the

soul, in the con sc iousn ess o f the o th er person, but the w o u n d is there

in ourselves. Su p p o se w e said so m e th in g unkind to our gra n d m o th e r

fifty years ago. T h e pain, the suffering is still there in our c o n sc io u s­

ness, in our soul. I k n o w that m y gra n d m o th e r is alive in me with

her w ound. I am alive also with that sam e kind o f w ound. P ract ic ­

ing unilateral disarm am ent m eans w e disarm ourselves, regardless

o f w h at the o th e r person does and regardless o f w h e th e r the o th er

person is alive o r not.

W e don't need the o th er person to be there in order to heal our­

selves. W e don't need them to sit in front o f us in o rder for us to be

reconci led with them. R econcilia t ion and healing can be realized

within o nese lf alone. A n d disarm am ent can be d one unilaterally.

If w e disarm ourselves, if w e b ec o m e peaceful, if w e d ec ide not to

attack and not to argue, w e a lread y have peace inside us. W h e n even

one person practices unilateral d isarm am ent, it will a lread y have an

effect on the o th er person. >

Practice

W h e n y o u are aw are o f a w ound, beg in to breathe in and out and

beg in to be aw are o f the w ound. For exam ple : Breathing in, I am

1 1 8 Extended Practices

aw are o f the w o u n d in m e ; b re a th in g out, I am taking g o o d care o(

it. B reathing in, I say "I'm sorry, G rand m a"; b reath in g out, "I k n o w I

will not d o it again.''

W h e n y o u practice like that, y o u m ake y o u r gra n d m o th e r in you

smile, and the heal in g beg ins to take place. T h e m om ent y o u disarm

yourself , the m om ent y o u d ecid e to g ive up the fight, the m om ent

y o u practice b eg in n in g an e w in yourself , the h ea l in g beg in s and you

un d ergo a transform ation that will ve ry so o n have an effect on the

o th er person. S h e will see the d ifference in you . A n d no w y o u are

lo o k in g at her in a d ifferent way, y o u are sm iling at her in a very

different way. You are no w a f lower and no lo n g er a thorn for her.

V ery soon, she will notice this, and it will be her turn to disarm and

transform.

Peace b eg ins with me. Reconci l ia t ion b eg ins with me. H e a lin g

beg ins w ith me. S o w h en y o u practice deep breath in g and smiling

to the pain in you , and v o w to beg in anew, w h en y o u practice lo v ­

ing kindness, taking care o f y o u r pain and suffering, y o u are a lready

practic ing taking care o f the o th er person. T ak in g care o f y o u rse lf is

to take care o f the o th er person.

For exam p le , suppose y o u write a letter o f reconciliat ion after ten

years o f separation from som eone . If y o u r letter is sincere, y o u will

begin to feel m uch better r ight away, just during the time o f writing.

You haven't ye t put the letter into the e n velo p e , y o u haven't put the

stamp on, y o u haven't sent it to the post office, the o th er person

has not y e t received it, but y o u feel ve ry g o o d right now, y o u have

reconci led a lread y with yourself , and y o u r health beg ins to im prove

right away. T h a t person w o uld need three o r five d ays to receive the

letter and te lep h o ne y o u to thank you , but that is o n ly one o f the

effects, not the o n ly one.

TALKING TO YOUR INNER CHILD

M a n y o f us h ave a w o u n d e d ch ild w ithin us. W e have been d eep ly

w o u n d e d as children , m aking it hard for us to trust and love, and

to a l low love from others to reach us. M a k in g time to g o back to

this w o u n d e d child is a v e ry im portant practice. But there can be an

obstac le. M a n y o f us k n o w that w e have a w o u n d e d child w ithin us,

but w e are afraid to g o back to ourselves and be w ith that child . T h e

b lo ck o f pain and sorrow in us is so h uge and o v e rw h e lm in g that

w e run a w a y from it. But w e need to g o h o m e and take care o f our

w o u n d e d child , even thoug h this is difficult. W e need instructions

on h o w to d o this so that the pain inside does not o v erw h elm us.

Practice

T h e practices o f mindful w alking, mindful sitting, and mindful

b reath in g are crucial. A lso , y o u r fr iends’ e n e rg y o f m indfulness can

help. T h e first time y o u g o h o m e to the w o u n d e d child, y o u m ay

need o n e o r tw o friends— e sp ec ia l ly those w h o h ave been successful

in the practice— sitting next to you , to lend their support, m in d fu l­

ness, and energy. W h e n a friend sits c lo se to y o u and holds y o u r

hand, y o u c o m b in e his o r her e n e rg y with y o u r ow n and so m ay feel

safer to g o h o m e and em brace y o u r w o u n d e d ch ild within.

W h e n y o u sit o r w a lk mindfully, talk to y o u r w o u n d e d child

within, em brace that child with the e n e rg y o f mindfulness'. You can

say: "D arling , I am here fo r you . I will take g o o d care o f you . I k n o w

120 Extended Practices

that y o u suffer so much. I have been so busy and neglectful o f you ,

and no w 1 h ave learned a w a y to c o m e back to you ."

You have to talk to y o u r ch i ld several times a day. O n ly then can

healin g take place. T h e little child has been left a lone for so long.

T h a t is w h y y o u have to b eg in the practice right away. E m b rac in g

y o u r child tenderly, y o u reassure him that y o u will never let him

d o w n again o r leave him unattended. If y o u h ave a lo v in g San g h a ,

then y o u r practice will be easier. T o practice alone, w ith o u t the su p ­

port o f brothers and sisters, is m ore difficult. T a k in g refuge in the

S a n g h a and h a v in g brothers and sisters to assist you , g ive advice ,

and support y o u in difficult m om ents is v e ry important.

Your w o u n d e d child m ay represent several generations. M a y b e

y o u r parents and grandparents had the same problem,- th e y also

had a w o u n d e d ch ild within that th e y didn't k n o w h o w to handle,

so th ey transmitted their w o u n d e d ch ild to you . O u r practice is to

end this v ic ious cyc le . If y o u can heal y o u r w o u n d e d child , y o u will

l iberate the person w h o abused you . T h a t person m ay also have

been the vict im o f abuse. If y o u generate the e n e r g y o f mindfulness,

understanding, and co m p ass io n for y o u r w o u n d e d child, y o u will

suffer m uch less. Peop le suffer because th ey h ave not been touched

b y co m p ass io n and understanding. W h e n y o u generate mindfulness,

co m p ass io n and understanding b ec o m e possible. T h e n y o u can

a llow p e o p le to love you. Before, y o u w ere suspicious o f eve ry th in g

and e ve ryo n e . C o m p a ss io n helps y o u relate to others and restore

com m unication .

THE FOURTEEN MINDFULNESS TRAININGS

T h e Fourteen M in d fu lness Trainings o f the O rd e r o f Interbeing are

a m odern version o f the fi fty-e ight bodhisattva precepts set out in

the Brahm ajala Sutra (Sutra o f the N e t o f Indra).* T h e Fourteen

M in dfu lness Trainings are m indfu lness in our real lives and not just

the teach in g o f ideas. If w e practice these trainings deeply, w e will

re c o g n iz e that each o f them contains all the others. S tu d y in g and

practic ing the m indfulness trainings can help us understand the true

nature o f interbeing— w e can n o t just be b y ourselves alone,- w e can

o n ly inter-be with e v e ry o n e and e v e ry th in g else. T o practice these

trainings is to b ec o m e aw are o f w hat is g o in g on in our bodies, our

minds, and the world . W ith awareness, w e can live our lives h a p ­

pily, fully present in each m om ent w e are alive, intell igently seek ing

solutions to the pro blem s w e face, and w o rk in g for p eace in small

and large w ays.

W h e n w e practice T h e Five M indfu lness Trainings d eep ly

(described in the D a i ly Practice section), w e are a lready practic ing

the Fourteen. If w e w ant to form ally receive T h e Fourteen M in d ­

fulness Train ings and enter the core co m m u n ity o f the O rd e r of

Interbeing, it is because w e wish to b ec o m e a co m m u n ity leader,

to o rgan ize the practice in a San gh a. O n l y w h en w e have the fee l­

ing that w e have eno u gh time, energy, and interest to take care of

a c o m m u n ity should w e ask for formal ordination. T h e n w e will be

*T h e O rder of Interbeing was founded in 1966, during the war in Vietnam. It has both

m onastic and lay members. For more information, see T hich N hat Hanh, Interbeing (Berkeley,

C A : Parallax Press, 1998).

12 2 Extended Practices

w o rk in g to ge th e r with o th e r brothers and sisters. O th erw ise , T h e

Five M in dfu lness Trainings are enough. W e can practice T h e Four­

teen M in d fu lness Trainings w ith ou t a formal cerem on y, w ith ou t

b e ing o rdained as a m em b er o f the O rder. W e can also m o d ify a few

w o rd s if w e like, so it applies to our o w n tradition.

Practice

T he F i r s t M i n d f u l n e s s T r a i n i n g : O p e n n e s s A w are o f the suffer­

ing created b y fanaticism and intolerance, w e are determ ined not to

be idolatrous about or bound to any doctr ine, theory, o r ideology,

even Buddhist ones. Buddhist teachings are gu id ing means to h e lp us

learn to look d e e p ly and to d e ve lo p our understanding and c o m p a s ­

sion. T h e y are not doctr ines to fight, kill, o r die for.

T he S e c o n d M i n d f u l n e s s T r a i n i n g : N o n a t t a c h m e n t t o V i e w s

Aw are o f the suffering created b y attachm ent to v iew s and w ro n g

perceptions, w e are determ ined to avo id b e in g narrow -m in ded and

b ound to present views. W e shall learn and practice n o n a tta ch ­

ment from v iew s in order to be open to others ' insights and e x p e r i ­

ences. W e are aw are that the k n o w le d g e w e presently possess is not

changeless , absolute truth. Truth is found in life, and w e will ob serve

life w ithin and around us in e ve ry m om ent, ready to learn th ro u g h ­

out our lives.

T h e T h i r d M i n d f u l n e s s T r a i n i n g : Fr e e d o m o f T h o u g h t Aware

o f the suffering brou gh t about w h en w e im pose our v iew s on others,

w e are co m m itted not to force others, even our children , b y any

means w h a tso e v e r— such as authority, threat, m oney, propaganda,

o r indoctr ination— to adopt our views. W e will respect the right

o f others to be different and to c h o o se w hat to b el ieve and h o w to

decide. W e will, how ever, help others renounce fanaticism and nar­

rowness through co m p ass ionate d ialogue.

Extended Practices 12 3

T he Fo u r t h M i n d f u l n e s s T r a i n i n g : A w a r e n e s s o f S u f f e r i n g

Aw are that lo o k in g d e e p ly at the nature o f suffering can help us

d e v e lo p co m p ass io n and find w a y s out o f suffering, w e are deter­

m ined not to avo id or c lose our eyes befo re suffering. W e are c o m ­

m itted to finding w ays , including personal contact , im ages, and

sounds, to be with those w h o suffer, so w e can understand their

situation d e e p ly and help them transform their suffering into c o m ­

passion, peace, and joy.

T h e F i f t h M i n d f u l n e s s T r a i n i n g : S i m p l e , H e a l t h y L i v i n g Aware

that true happiness is ro o ted in peace, solidity, freedom , and c o m ­

passion, and not in w ealth o r fame, w e are determ ined not to take

as the aim o f our life fame, profit, wealth , o r sensual pleasure, nor

to accum ulate w ealth w h ile millions are h u n g ry and d ying. W e are

c o m m itted to l iving s im ply and sharing our time, energy, and m ate­

rial resources with those in need. W e will practice mindful c o n su m ­

ing, not using a lcohol, drugs, o r an y o th e r products that b r in g toxins

into our o w n and the c o l lec t ive b o d y and consc iousness.

T h e S i x t h M i n d f u l n e s s T r a i n i n g : D e a l i n g w i t h A n g e r Aw are

that an g e r b locks com m u nicat ion and creates suffering, w e are

determ ined to take care o f the e n e rg y o f an g e r w h en it arises and

to re c o gn iz e and transform the seeds o f an g e r that lie d eep in our

consc iousness. W h e n an g e r co m es up, w e are determ ined not to do

o r say any th ing , but to practice mindful b reath in g o r mindful w a lk ­

ing and a c k n o w led ge , em brace, and look d e e p ly into our anger. W e

will learn to look with the eyes o f co m p ass io n at those w e think are

the cause o f our anger.

T h e S e v e n t h M i n d f u l n e s s T r a i n i n g : D w e l l i n g H a p p i l y i n t h e

PRESENT M o m e n t Aw are that life is availab le o n ly in the present

m om ent and that it is possib le to live h ap p ily in the here and now, w e

are co m m itted to training ourselves to live d e e p ly each m o m e n t of

124 Extended Practices

d ai ly life. W e will try not to lose ourselves in d ispersion or be carried

a w a y b y regrets about the past, worries about the future, or craving,

anger, or je a lo u sy in the present. W e will practice mindful b reath ing

to c o m e b a ck to w h at is h a p p e n in g in the present m om ent. W e are

determ ined to learn the art o f mindful l iv ing b y to u c h in g the w o n ­

drous, refreshing, and h ea l in g e lem ents that are inside and around

us, and b y nourish ing seeds o f joy , peace, love, and understanding

in ourselves, thus facilitating the w o rk o f transform ation and healing

in our consciousness.

T he E i g h t h M i n d f u l n e s s T r a i n i n g : C o m m u n i t y a n d C o m m u n i ­

c a t i o n Aw are that lack o f co m m u nic at io n a lw ays brings separation

and suffering, w e are c o m m itted to training ourselves in the practice

o f com p ass io nate l istening and lo v in g speech . W e will learn to listen

d e e p ly w ith o u t ju d g in g o r reacting and refrain from uttering w ords

that can create d iscord o r cause the co m m u n ity to break. W e will

m ake e v e ry effort to keep co m m u nicat io ns o p en and to reconcile

and resolve all conflicts, h o w e v e r small.

T he N i n t h M i n d f u l n e s s T r a i n i n g : T r u t h f u l a n d Lo v i n g S p e e c h

A w are that w o rd s can create suffering or happiness, w e are c o m m it ­

ted to learn ing to speak truthfully and constructively , using o n ly

w ords that inspire h o p e and confidence. W e are determ ined not to

say untruthful things for the sake of personal interest o r to impress

people , nor to utter w ords that m ight cause division o r hatred. W e

will not spread news that w e do not k n o w to be certain nor criticize

or co n d e m n things o f w h ic h w e are not sure. W e will do our best

to speak out about situations o f injustice, even w h en d o in g so m ay

threaten our safety.

T he T e n t h M i n d f u l n e s s T r a i n i n g : P r o t e c t i n g t h e S a n g h a

Aw are that the essence and aim o f a S a n g h a is the practice o f under­

standing and com pass ion , w e are determ ined not to use the Buddhist

Extended Practices 125

c o m m u n ity for personal gain o r profit o r transform our co m m u n ity

into a political instrument. A spiritual c o m m u n ity should, how ever,

take a c lear stand against o ppress ion and in justice and should strive

to c h a n g e the situation w ith o u t e n g a g in g in partisan conflicts.

T he E l e v e n t h M i n d f u l n e s s T r a i n i n g : R i g h t L i v e l i h o o d A w are

that great v io le n c e and in justice have been d o ne to our e n v iro n ­

m ent and society , w e are c o m m itted not to live w ith a vo ca t io n that

is harmful to hum ans and nature. W e will do our best to select a

l ive l ih o o d that helps realize our ideal o f understanding and c o m p a s ­

sion. A w are o f g lobal ec o n o m ic , political, and social realities, w e will

b eh ave resp o ns ib ly as con sum ers and as citizens, not in vesting in

c o m p an ies that deprive others o f their c h a n c e to live.

T he T w e l f t h M i n d f u l n e s s T r a i n i n g : R e v e r e n c e f o r L ife Aware

that m uch suffering is caused b y w a r and conflict, w e are determ ined

to cu ltivate no n vio lence , understanding, and co m p ass io n in our

daily lives, to p ro m o te p eace education, mindful m ediation, and re c­

oncil iat ion w ithin families, com m unities , nations, and in the world.

W e are determ ined not to kill and not to let others kill. W e will

d i l igently practice deep looking w ith our Sa n g h a to d isc o ver better

w a y s to protect life and prevent war.

T h e T h i r t e e n t h M i n d f u l n e s s T r a i n i n g : G e n e r o s i t y Aw are o f

the suffering caused b y exp lo itation , social injustice, stealing, and

oppress ion , w e are co m m itted to cu lt ivating lov ing kindness and

learn ing w a y s to w o rk for the w e l l -b e in g o f people , animals , plants,

and minerals . W e will practice g e n ero sity b y sharing our time,

energy, and material resources with those w h o are in need. W e are

determ ined not to steal and not to possess a n y th in g that should

b e lo n g to others. W e will respect the p ro perty o f others, but will try

to prevent others from profiting from hum an suffering o r the suffer­

ing o f o ther beings.

126 Extended Practices

T he Fo u r t e e n t h M i n d f u l n e s s T r a i n i n g : R i g h t C o n d u c t ( Fo r

LAYPEOPLE) A w are that sexual relations m otivated b y c ra v in g c a n ­

not dissipate the feeling o f loneliness but will create m ore suffering,

frustration, and isolation, w e are determ ined not to e n g a g e in sexual

relations w ith o u t mutual understanding, love, and a long-term c o m ­

mitment. In sexual relations, w e must be aw are o f future suffering

that m ay be caused. W e k n o w that to preserve the happiness o f our­

selves and others, w e must respect the rights and co m m itm en ts of

ourselves and others. W e will do e ve ry th in g in our p o w e r to protect

ch ildren from sexual abuse and to protect couples and families from

b ein g b roken b y sexual m isconduct. W e will treat our bodies with

respect and preserve our vital energies (sexual, breath, spirit) for the

realization o f our bodhisattva ideal. W e will be fully aw are o f the

responsibility o f b ring ing new lives into the w orld , and will m editate

on the w o rld into w h ic h w e are b r in g in g new beings.

(FOR MONASTICS) A w are that the aspiration o f a m onk or a nun can

o n ly be realized w h en he o r she w h o l ly leaves beh ind the b ond s of

w o r ld ly love, w e are c o m m itted to p ractic ing ch ast ity and to h e lp ­

ing others protect them selves. W e are aw are that loneliness and su f­

fer ing can no t be allev iated b y the c o m in g to ge th e r o f tw o bodies in

a sexual relationship, but b y the practice o f true understanding and

com pass ion . W e kn o w that a sexual re lationship will d estro y our

life as a m o n k or a nun, will prevent us from realiz ing our ideal o f

serv ing l iv ing beings, and will harm others. W e are determ ined not

to suppress o r mistreat our b o d y or to look upon our b o d y as on ly

an instrument, but to learn to handle our b o d y w ith respect. W e are

determ ined to preserve vital energies (sexual, breath, spirit) for the

realization o f our b o dhisattva ideal.

PRACTICING WITH CHILDREN

LISTENING TO YOUNG PEOPLE

A s adults, w e m ay h ave the feeling w e h ave m uch w isd o m and e x p e ­

rience, w h ile ch ildren are still y o u n g and k n o w v e ry little. S o m any

generations o f parents, teachers, and e lder brothers and sisters have

con sid ered the op in ion s o f children to be unimportant. T h e y feel

that children don't have e n o u gh e x p er ien ce and that w h a t th ey think

or w ant doesn't matter. Elders m ay bel ieve that th ey k n o w w h at is

best for their y o u n g e r brothers and sisters. T h is is not necessari ly

true. W h e n elders haven't ye t fully understood or listened d e e p ly to

the difficult ies and the d eep w ishes o f their y o u n g e r brothers and sis­

ters, th ey can't truly love them. L o v e has to c o m e from un d erstand ­

ing. W h e n love isn't based on understanding, it is harmful. W ith o u t

b e ing aw are o f it, parents c o m m o n ly cause their children to suffer,

and e lder brothers and sisters cause the y o u n g e r ones to suffer.

W h e n w e force our ch ildren to do w h at w e think is best for them,

the com m u nicat ion betw een ourselves and our children breaks

dow n. W h e n there is no m ore com m u nicat ion betw een us, h o w can

w e be h a p p y ? T h e m ost im portant th ing is to keep com m u nicat ion

alive b etw een parents and children. W h e n the d o o r o f c o m m u n i­

cation has been shut, both parents and ch ildren suffer. But w h en

w e practice g o o d com m u nicat ion , parents and children will share

their lives to g eth er as friends, and that is the o n ly w a y to find true

happiness.

In a family, w e can h ave a w e e k ly m eeting. S i tt ing to g eth er like

this w e have an o p p o rtu n ity to discuss issues that are im portant for

our happiness. If a child has a difficulty in sch o o l or the gro w n-up s

1 30 Practicing with Children

have a d ilem m a in the w o rk p lace , this can be presented and the

w h o le fam ily can o ffer their insight as to h o w to im prove the situa­

tion. T h e fam ily that practices like this is really like a San gh a , and a

Sa n g h a is just like a family, so it is natural if th e y function in similar

w ays . W e don't h ave to call ourselves Buddhist to ap p ly these p ra c ­

tices in our life. T h e y are s im p ly a m atter o f b r ing ing peace and jo y

to our fam ily and our com m unity .

Practice

L o v in g sp eec h and d eep listening are tw o w ond erfu l m eth od s to

o pen the d o o r o f co m m u nic at io n with children . As parents, y o u

should not use the language o f authority but the language o f love

w h en speak ing to y o u r children . W h e n y o u can speak with the lan­

gu age o f love and understanding, y o u r ch i ldren will c o m e to y o u

and tell y o u their difficulties, suffering, and anxieties. W ith this

kind o f com m u nicat ion , y o u will gain m ore understanding o f y o u r

ch ildren and be able to love them more. If y o u r love isn't based on

understanding, y o u r ch ildren w on't feel it as love.

To truly love, y o u can say to y o u r child: " M y love, do yo u think

that I understand y o u well enou gh ? D o y o u think that I understand

y o u r difficult ies and y o u r suffering? Please tell me. I want to k n o w so

that I can love y o u in such a w a y that doesn't hurt you ." You can say,

"D arling , p lease tell me the truth. D o y o u think that I understand

you? D o I understand y o u r suffering, y o u r difficulties, and y o u r

deepest w ishes? If I don't y e t understand, then please h e lp me to

understand. Because if I don't understand, I'll con tinue to m ake y o u

suffer in the nam e o f love." T h is is w h at w e call lo v in g speech.

W h e n y o u r child is talking, please practice l istening deeply.

So m e t im e s y o u r ch i ld will say so m e th in g that surprises yo u . It

m ay be the o p p o s ite o f the w a y y o u see things. All the same, listen

deeply. Please a l low y o u r ch ild to speak freely. D o not cut her o f f as

she is talking o r cr iticize w h a t she says. W h e n y o u listen d e e p ly w ith

Practicing with Children 1 31

all y o u r heart— for half an hour, one hour, o r even three hours— y o u

will b eg in to see her m ore d e e p ly and understand her more.

A lth o u g h y o u r ch i ld is still ve ry small, he has deep insights and

his o w n special needs. You m a y beg in to realize that for a lo n g time

y o u m a y have b een m ak ing y o u r ch ild suffer. If he is suffering, then

y o u will suffer too.

WALKING MEDITATION W ITH CHILDREN

W a lk in g with ch ildren is a w onderfu l w a y to practice mindfulness.

You m ay like to take a child 's hand as y o u walk. H e will receive y o u r

con centrat ion and stability, and y o u will rece ive his freshness and

innocence . From time to time, he m ay w ant to run ahead and then

w ait for y o u to catch up. A child is a bell o f m indfulness, rem inding

us h o w w onderfu l life is.

W e can rem ind children that w a lk in g m editation is a w onderfu l

w a y for them to calm d o w n w h en they h ave stron g feelings o r are

upset. W e can w alk w ith them, rem inding them to p a y attention to

each step.

Practice

A t Plum V illage, 1 teach the y o u n g p eop le a sim ple verse to p ra c­

tice w h ile w alk ing. T h e y say, "O u i, oui, ou i," as th ey breathe in, and

"Mere/, rnerci, m erci," as th ey breathe out. "Yes, yes , yes . T h a n k s , thanks,

thanks." I w ant them to respond to life, to society , and to the Earth

in a positive way. T h e y e n jo y it ve ry much.

1 explain w a lk in g m editation to them like this, "Just a llow you rse lf

to be! A l lo w y o u rse lf to e n jo y b e ing in the present m om ent. T h e

Earth is so beautiful. E n jo y the planet Earth. You are beautiful too,

y o u are a marvel like the Earth.

"R em em b er that w h ile y o u are w alk ing, y o u are not g o in g

Practicing with Children 1 33

an y w h ere , y e t e ve ry step helps y o u to arrive. T o arrive w h ere? To

arrive in the present m o m en t— to arrive in the here and now. You

don't need a n y th in g else to be happy."

W h e n ch ildren w alk with this awareness, th ey are p ractic ing

w a lk in g meditation.

HELPING CHILDREN W ITH ANGER AND OTHER STRONG EMOTIONS

E m otion is o n ly a storm. It co m e s and it stays for awhile , and then it

goes. C h i ld re n are fully in the center o f the storm w h en it com es. As

adults, w e can rec o g n ize our storm o f em otions, smile at it, em brace

it, and learn a lot from it. W h e n w e are with a ch ild experiencing

s trong em otions, w e need to practice mindful breath in g w ith strong

con centrat ion and share this m eth o d with the child.

Practice

E very time a child is ex p e r ie n c in g a strong em otion , y o u can hold

the child in y o u r arms o r just ho ld their hand and invite them to

practice w ith you . Share with the child y o u r ca p a c i ty o f solidity.

"H o ld m y hand, we'll breathe together, okay?"

Breathing in, I feel my belly expand.

Breathing out, I see my belly contract.

Expand.

Contract.

Breathe to g e th e r ve ry deeply. Breathe to g e th e r v e ry s lowly. There 's

no problem . You are passing on y o u r ca p a c ity o f so lid ity to the

child. T h e ch ild breath in g in feels strong. T h e child b reath in g out

feels light. Breathing in, the child's mind starts to be calm. Breathing

out, the child 's m outh can have a little smile.

S o m e o ld e r children and ch ildren w h o get a n gry m ore often m ay

Practicing with Children I 35

like to practice c a rry in g a pebb le with them. T h e n th ey can g o sit

near the Buddha, if there is one in y o u r house, o r outside u n d er a

special tree, on a special rock, or in their room . You can teach them

to ho ld the pebb le and say:

Dear Buddha,

Here is my pebble. I am going to practice with it when things go wrong in

my day. Whenever I am angry or upset, I will take the pebble in my hand

and breathe deeply. I will do this until I calm down.

E nc o urage them to keep the pebb le w ith them, then w h e n s o m e ­

thing hap p ens during the d ay that m akes them unhappy, th e y can

reach in their pocket, take ho ld o f the pebb le , breathe deeply , and

say:

Breathing in, I know that I am angry.

Breathing out, I am taking good care of my anger.

W h ile th ey are b reath in g and say in g this, th ey m ay still be angry.

But th ey are safe, because th ey are em brac in g their a nger the w a y a

m o th er em braces her c ry in g baby. A fter d o in g this for a w hile , their

tem p er will beg in to calm d ow n, and th ey will be able to smile at

their anger:

Breathing in, I see anger in me.

Breathing out, I smile at my anger.

W h e n th ey are able to smile, th e y can put the pebb le back into

their pocket for anoth er time. T h is m ight be a g o o d time to remind

children that w h en w e take care o f our anger like this, w e are b e ing

"mindful.' ' M indfu lness acts just like the rays o f the sun; w ith o u t any

effort, the sun shines on everyth in g , and e v e ry th in g c h an g es because

o f it. W h e n w e e x p o se our anger to the light o f mindfulness, it will

1 36 Practicing with Children

c h a n g e too, like a flower o p e n in g to the sun.

You can teach children h o w to look after their feelings o f fear or

anger b y s h o w in g them h o w to be aw are o f the rising and falling

o f their a b d o m en as they breathe. W h e n ch ildren b ec o m e afraid or

angry, if th ey have fo rgotten the exercises y o u s h o w ed them , y o u

o n ly have to ge n t ly remind them h o w to practice.

FAMILY MEALS

A few years ago, I asked so m e children , "W h a t is the purpose o f e a t ­

ing breakfast?" O n e b o y replied, "To get e n e r g y for the day." A n o th e r

said, "T h e purpose o f ea t in g breakfast is to eat breakfast." I think the

seco nd ch ild is m ore correct . T h e purpose o f eat in g is to eat.

W e do our best to eat at least one meal a d ay with the w h o le

family. E ating a meal together, w e cultivate m ore h a rm o n y and love

as a family. S o m e o n e in the fam ily can recite the co n tem p lat io ns or

w e can s ing them to g e th e r b efore eating. W e use our talent and our

c reativ ity to m ake it pleasant for everyo n e .

Practice

Practice silent m editation, b reath in g in and out three times. L o o k at

one another, re c o g n iz e each other's presence, and eat s ilently for the

first tw o minutes. You m ay like to recite the Food C o n te m p la t io n s

for Y o un g People :

THE FIRST CONTEMPLATION T h is fo od is the gift o f the w h o le u n i­

verse: the earth, the sky, the rain, and the sun.

T he S e c o n d C o n t e m p l a t i o n W e thank the p eop le w h o h ave

m ade this food, espec ia l ly the farmers, the p eop le at the market,

and the cooks.

T h e T h i r d C o n t e m p l a t i o n W e o n ly put on our plate as much

fo o d as w e can eat.

1 38 Practicing with Children

T he Fo u r t h C o n t e m p l a t i o n W e w ant to c h e w the fo o d s lo w ly so

that w e can e n jo y it.

T he F i f t h C o n t e m p l a t i o n T h i s f o o d g i v e s us e n e r g y to p r a c t i c e

b e i n g m o r e l o v i n g a n d u n d e r s t a n d i n g .

T h e S i x t h C o n t e m p l a t i o n W e eat this fo o d in order to be

h e a lth y and happy, and to love each o th er as a family.

T h e practice is easy. T o be w o rth y o f the food, y o u o n ly have to

eat it mindfully. If y o u don't eat it mindfully, you 're not kind to the

food o r to the producers o f the food. I like to rem ind m y se lf to eat in

m oderation. I k n o w fo od p lays an im portant role in m y w e ll-be ing .

T h a t is w h y 1 v o w to eat o n ly fo ods that maintain m y health and

w e ll-be ing . Both adults and ch ildren can practice in this way.

INVITING THE BELL

It's v e ry w onderfu l to breathe together. It's im portant that w e can

breathe m indfu lly b y ourselves, but w h en the w h o le fam ily co m es

to g eth er and breathes in and out it creates a w onderfu l kind of

energy, e m b ra c in g e ve ryo n e . O u r m any hearts b ec o m e o n e heart

and our m any lungs b ec o m e one set o f lungs. If it h ap p ens that

s o m e o n e is an g ry or there is quarreling in the family, that's a g o o d

time to invite the bell to sound.

A n y m em b er o f the fam ily has the right to invite the bell to sound

w h en there's not en o u g h p eace in the family. W h e n b ig b ro th e r gets

angry, o r m oth er is c ry in g , these are times it's ve ry im portant that

so m e o n e in the fam ily c o m e s to the bell and asks the bell to sound,

so that e v e ry o n e in the fam ily can practice mindful breath in g in and

out three times. If w e practice like that even for o ne week , breath in g

in and out nine times in the m orn in g and the e ve n in g and w h e n e v e r

there's not eno u gh peace in the family, there will be m ore calm and

h arm o n y in the family.

Practice

I h ave m any friends, som e v e ry yo u n g , w h o love to practice invit­

ing the bell and listening to the bell. In the m orn in g b efore th ey go

o f f to sch ool, th e y sit dow n, they invite the bell to sound, and they

e n jo y b reath in g in and out. W ith breakfast, the practice o f the bell,

and breath in g in and out, th ey can start the d a y with peace, serenity,

and solidity. S o instead o f w ish in g the o th er person "have a g o o d

140 Practicing with Children

day," yo u can help them b eg in the g o o d d a y w ith the sound o f the

bell and breath in g in and out. A n d b efore y o u g o to sleep, y o u can

sit d o w n to g e th e r as a fam ily and practice the sounds o f the bell and

breath in g in and out together. T h a t w o uld be v e r y beautiful and

peaceful.

T h e practice for inviting the bell is the sam e for ch ildren as it is

for adults. You b o w to the bell, y o u put the bell on y o u r hand, and

y o u practice breath in g in, b reath in g out with the poem b efore yo u

invite the half sound. U se this poem to breathe in and out, in and

out.

Body, speech, and mind in perfect oneness,

I send my heart along with the sound of this bell.

M a y the hearers awaken from forgetfulness

and transcend the path of anxiety and sorrow.

T h e n , y o u m ake the half sound o f the bell. N o w , a llow p eo p le to

h ave time to prepare them selves, the time o f one in-breath and

one out-breath. T h e n , yo u invite a full sound o f the bell. A fter the

full sound, there will be breath in g in and out three times with this

poem:

Listen, listen.

This wonderful sound

brings me back

to my true home.

Listen ve ry d e e p ly and enjoy. T h a t is the practice o f peace. A n d

after this m om ent, invite a n o th er full sound o f the bell. Breathe in

and out three times slowly. Finally, invite the third and the last full

sound. T h e n breathe again three in-breaths and three out-breaths.

A n d after that, y o u lo w er the bell and put it on a cushion.

A y o u n g bell master should k n o w that her in-breath and out-

Practicing with Children 141

breath are sh orter than the in-breath and out-breath o f the adults.

S o after invit ing the bell to sound, she should e n jo y b reath in g in

and out three times and then al low little bit m ore time for the adults

to e n jo y fu lly their three in- and out-breaths. S h e is v e r y kind if

she d oes this, because l istening to the bell is the time to e n jo y our­

selves, to e n jo y peace, to e n jo y life. I can sit like this and listen to

the bell for o ne h our o r m ore, and I e n jo y it. It's v e ry healing, v e ry

nourishing.

PEBBLE MEDITATION

I like to carry som e pebbles w ith me in m y pocket. In m y pocket

there is no cred it card, no m oney, and no cigarettes . T h e r e m ay be a

sheet o f paper, a little bell, so m e th in g like that.

T h e se pebb les help rem ind me that w e hum ans are born as f low ­

ers in the garden o f humanity. If w e don't k n o w h o w to preserve our

freshness, then w e suffer and w e do not h ave en o u g h beauty to offer

to the p eo p le w e love.

Practice

M a k e a little b ag and put in the b ag four pebb les that yo u have c o l ­

lected outside. You can all sit in a circle, and one ch ild o r person in

the family plays the role o f bell master. A fter h a v in g invited the bell

to sound three times and e n jo y in g breath in g in and breath in g out,

pour the p ebb les out o f the b ag and set them on the ground to you r

left. W ith y o u r right hand, pick up one pebb le and look at it. T h e

first p ebb le represents a flower. It also represents y o u r ow n freshness

and flower nature.

Put the pebb le on the palm o f y o u r left hand, and put the left

hand on the right hand to beg in y o u r m editation on flower nature:

Breathing in, I see myself as a flower.

Breathing out, I feel fresh.

T h a t is not m ake-believe , because yo u are a f lower in the gar­

den o f hum anity. Se e y o u rse lf as a flower. It is v e ry helpful to smile

Practicing with Children 143

during the practice, because a f low er is a lw a y s smiling. Practice

flower/fresh three times. A f te r that, take the pebb le and put it dow n

on the gro und to y o u r right.

T h e n take the se co n d p e bb le and look at it. T h is pebb le rep re­

sents a mountain. A m ountain represents solidity. You are yourself ,

y o u are stable, and y o u are solid. W ith o u t solidity, y o u can't be truly

happy. You will be pulled a w a y b y p ro vocat ions , anger, fear, regret,

o r anxiety. T h is m editation is best practiced in the s itting position

because in the half lotus or lotus position y o u r b o d y feels v e r y stable

and solid. Even if so m e o n e co m e s and pushes you , yo u will not fall.

A fter y o u p lace the seco nd pebb le in y o u r left hand, beg in to m e d i­

tate on the mountain.

Breathing in, I see myself as a mountain.

Breathing out, I feel solid.

R epeat mountain/solid three times. W h e n y o u are solid, y o u are no

lo ng er sh ak y in y o u r b o d y and in y o u r mind.

T h e third p ebb le represents still water. From time to time, y o u see

a lake w h e re the w ater is so still that it reflects ex a c t ly w hat is there.

It's so still it can reflect the blue sky, the w h ite clouds, the mountains,

the trees. You can aim y o u r cam era at the lake and take a picture of

the sky and the m ountain reflected there just the same. W h e n yo u r

mind is calm , it reflects things as th ey are. You aren't a v ictim of

w ro n g perceptions. W h e n y o u r mind is d isturbed b y craving , anger,

or jealousy, y o u perce ive th ings w rongly . W ro n g perceptions bring

us a lot o f anger, fear, v io lence , and push us to do or to say things

that will d estro y everyth in g . T h is practice helps y o u restore y o u r

calm and peace, represented b y still water.

Breathing in, I see myself as still water.

Breathing out, I reflect things as they truly are.

144 Practicing with Children

R epeat water/reflecting three times. T h is is not w ishful thinking.

W ith mindful breathing, y o u can bring p eace to y o u r breath, body,

and feelings.

T h e fourth pebb le represents space and freedom . If y o u do not

have e n o u g h space in y o u r heart, it will be v e r y difficult for y o u to

feel happy. If y o u are a rranging flowers, y o u understand that flowers

need space around to radiate their beauty. Each person needs some

space as well. If yo u love som eone , one o f the m ost precious things

y o u can o f fe r him is space. A n d this y o u can no t b u y in the super­

market. V isualize the m oon sailing in the sky. T h e m oon has a lot o f

space aro und it, that is part o f its beauty. M a n y o f the d isciples o f the

Buddha d escribed him as a full m oon sailing in the e m p ty sky.

Breathing in, I see myself as space.

Breathing out, I feel free.

R epeat space/free three times. Each person needs freedom and space.

O f fe r space to the lo ved ones in y o u r fam ily as well. W ith o u t im p o s­

ing y o u r ideas o r w a y s on the o th e r person, y o u can o ffer them the

gift o f this pebb le m editation. In this way, it is possible for y o u to

help rem o ve the worries, fears, and a nger in the heart o f each person

in y o u r family.

THE BREATHING ROOM

E v ery house should h ave a ro om called the Breathing R o o m , o r at

least a c o rn e r o f a room reserved for this purpose. In this p lace we

can put a lo w table with a flower, a little bell, and en o u g h cush ions

for e v e ry o n e in the fam ily to sit on. W h e n w e feel uneasy, sad, or

angry, w e can g o into this room , c lose the door, sit d ow n, invite a

sound o f the bell, and practice breath ing mindfully. W h e n w e have

breathed like this for ten or fifteen minutes, w e b eg in to feel better.

If w e do not practice like this, w e can lose our temper. T h e n w e m ay

shout o r pick a fight w ith the o th er person, c reating a h uge storm

in our family.

O n one sum m er retreat at Plum Village, I asked a y o u n g boy, " M y

child , w h en y o u r father speaks in anger, do yo u have a n y w a y to

help y o u r father?" T h e ch ild sh o o k his head: "I do not k n o w w hat

to do. I b ec o m e very scared and try to run away." W h e n children

co m e to Plum V illage th e y can learn about the Breathing Room ,

so th ey can help their parents w h en th ey b ec o m e angry. I told the

y o u n g boy, "You can invite y o u r parents into y o u r Breathing R oom

to breathe with you ."

Practice

A Breathing R o o m or Breath ing C o rn e r is so m eth ing a fam ily must

agree about in advance. W h e n e ve ry o n e is fee ling happy, this is a

g o o d occasion to ask fam ily m em bers to sign an agreem ent with

each other. You cou ld say: "Som etim es w e are angry, and w e say

146 Practicing with Children

hurtful things to y o u or to each other. T h is m akes y o u afraid. N e x t

time this happens, w e will g o into the Breathing R o o m and invite the

sound o f the bell to rem ind us all to breathe." If y o u live with just

o n e child, y o u can still ask them to sign this agreem ent with you , so

that w h en y o u are feeling angry, she has so m e th in g she can do to

help both o f you .

If, at that particular m om ent, the child that y o u take care o f is

fee ling happy, she will be v e ry eag er to agree. A s a y o u n g child, she

is still v e ry fresh. S h e can use her freshness to help her parents. Sh e

can say to e ith er one o f her parents: "Fo llow me into the Breathing

Room , and let's breathe to g e th e r instead o f arguing. W h a t do yo u

think?"

If o n ly o ne parent agrees w ith her, then w h e n the o th er says

so m e th in g unkind, she can take the parent that agrees b y the hand

and say to him: "Let's go into the Breathing R o o m ." W h e n the o th er

parent sees this, it m ay w ake her up.

O n c e y o u have go n e into the Breathing R o o m , she has the sound

o f the bell and the Buddha to protect her. E v e ry o n e in the fam ily can

sign an agreem ent that states: "W h e n w e hear the sound o f the bell

in the Breath ing R oom , it is the sound o f the Buddha ca ll ing us, and

e v e ry o n e in the house will stop and breathe. N o one will continue

to shout after that." T h e w h o le fam ily can m ake this c o m m itm en t to

stop and breathe at the sound o f the bell. T h is is called T h e A g r e e ­

ment on L iv in g T o g e th e r in Peace and Joy . If y o u can bring this

m eth od o f practice hom e, after about three m onth s yo u will feel that

the a tm osph ere in the family has b ec o m e m uch m ore pleasant. T h e

w ounds in the hearts o f the ch ildren will be sooth ed , and gradually

th ey will heal.

THE FOUR MANTRAS

T h is is the k ind o f practice 1 w o uld like e v e ry o n e to bring h o m e and

do e ve ry day. A mantra is a m agic formula. E v ery time w e p ro noun ce

a mantra, w e transform the situation right away,- w e don't have to

wait . It is a m agic formula w e h ave to recite w h e n the time is a p p r o ­

priate. T h e con d it ion that m akes it e ffect ive is our m indfulness and

con centrat ion , oth erw ise it will not work.

Practice

Practic ing the Four M antras is the same for adults and children .

THE FIRST M a n t r a "D arling , I am here for you ." You don't h ave to

practice it in Sanskrit o r Tibetan, practice it in y o u r ow n language.

W h y do y o u practice this mantra? Because w h e n y o u love som eone ,

y o u h ave to o f fer him or her the best y o u have. A nd the best that

y o u can o f fe r y o u r b e lo ved one is y o u r true presence.

THE SECOND M a n t r a "D arling , I k n o w y o u are there, and I am very

happy." T o love means to a c k n o w le d g e the presence o f the person

y o u love. You have to h ave the time, if y o u are too busy, h o w can

y o u a c k n o w le d g e his presence? T h e con d it ion for d o ing this mantra

is that y o u are there o n e hundred percent. If y o u are not, then yo u

can not re c o gn iz e the person's presence. W h e n so m eo n e loves you ,

y o u need that person to rec o g n ize that y o u are there— w h e th e r yo u

are y o u n g or old.

148 Practicing with Children

You can o n ly love w h e n y o u are there, and in order to be there

y o u have to practice b e in g there, w h e th e r b y mindful breath in g or

mindful w alk ing , any k ind o f practice that will help yo u really be

there as a free person for the person y o u love. Because y o u are there,

y o u are mindful, w h ic h is w h y yo u notice w h en the person yo u

love suffers. In the m om ent y o u re c o gn iz e his suffering, y o u have

to practice d e e p ly to be there one hundred percent. G o to him and

p ro no un ce the third mantra.

T he THIRD M a n t r a "D arling , I k n o w y o u suffer, that's w h y 1 am

here for yo u ." W h e n y o u suffer, y o u w ant the person y o u love to be

aw are o f y o u r suffering— that's v e ry human, that's v e ry natural. If the

person y o u lo ve doesn't k n o w that yo u suffer, or if he ignores y o u r

suffering, y o u suffer m uch more. S o it is a great relief if the person

yo u love is aw are that y o u are suffering. Before th ey do a n y th in g

to help, th e y suffer less already. T h is is not the practice o f children

alone, this is the practice o f everyo n e . A n d this can m ake a lot o f

happiness in the house. T ry it for a few w eek s and yo u will see,- the

situation in the h o m e will be transform ed dramatically .

THE FOURTH M a n t r a "D arl ing , I suffer, please help." T h e third

mantra is practiced w h en the person y o u love suffers. You practice

the fourth mantra w h en y o u yo u rse lf suffer. You believe the person

yo u love the m ost has caused y o u r suffering,- that's w h y it is so d i f­

ficult. W h e n the person y o u love so much says so m e th in g o r does

so m e th in g that hurts you , y o u suffer quite a lot. If so m e o n e else

said or did som ething , y o u w o uld not suffer that much. But this is

the person y o u love most in the world , and he just did that to you,

he just said that to you . T h a t is w h y yo u can no t bear it. You suffer

one hundred times more. T h is is w h en the fourth mantra has to be

practiced. You h ave to g o to that person y o u love the most, w h o just

hurt y o u v e ry deeply, y o u g o to him o r her with full awareness, with

full m indfu lness and concentration , and yo u utter the fourth mantra.

Practicing with Children 149

T h is is quite difficult. But if y o u train yourse lf , y o u can do it. W h e n

y o u suffer and y o u be l ieve that the person w h o m akes y o u suffer is

the person y o u love the most, y o u w ant to be alone. You w ant to

lock y o u rse lf in y o u r ro om and c ry alone. You don't w ant to see him.

You don't w ant to talk to him. You d o n ’t w ant to be touched b y him.

"Leave m e alone!'' T h is is v e ry normal, v e ry human. E ven if the other

person tries to ap proach and to reconcile , y o u are still v e ry angry.

Is it possib le to practice the fourth mantra? It seem s that y o u don't

w ant to do it, because y o u feel y o u don't need his help. You want

help from an y o n e else, but not him. You w ant to be in d ep end ent—

"I don't need you!" Your pride is d e e p ly hurt, that is w h y the fourth

mantra is so im portant. G o to him and, b reath in g in and out deeply,

b ec o m e yo u rse lf o ne hundred percent and just open y o u r mouth

and say with all y o u r con centrat ion that y o u suffer and y o u need

his help.

In o rd er to be able to practice this, y o u have to train y o u rse lf for

som e time. You m ay h ave a te n d e n c y to tell this person that yo u

don't need them. You can survive on y o u r o w n , c o m p le te ly in d e p e n ­

dent. But if yo u kn o w h o w to look at the situation with w isd om , you

will see this is an unwise th ing to do. Because w h en w e love each

other, w e need each other, espec ia l ly w h en w e suffer. A re y o u so

sure y o u r suffering co m e s from him? M a y b e yo u are w ro n g . M a y b e

he has not d one that or said that in o rd er to hurt you . M a y b e yo u

have m isunderstood, m a y b e yo u have a w ro n g perception.

You h ave to train yo u rse lf no w in preparation for the next time

yo u suffer so that in that m om ent, you'l l be able to practice the

fourth mantra. Practice w a lk in g m editation, practice sitting m e d i­

tation, practice b reath in g in and out m indfu lly to restore yourself .

T h e n g o to him and practice the mantra: "D arling , I suffer so much.

You are th e person I love most in the world . Please help m e .” D on't

let y o u r pride stand betw een y o u and him. In true love there is no

room for pride. If pride is still there, y o u k n o w that yo u have to

practice to transform y o u r love into true love.

150 Practicing with Children

C h ild re n are still y o u n g , th e y have p lenty o f ch anc es to learn

and train them selves for the practice. I am confident that if they

are taught and practice r ight now, it will be v e ry easy for them to

practice later on w h en th e y suffer because th e y think the person

th ey love m ost has done that to them, has said that to them. I don't

think that th e y are g o in g to use the fourth m antra often, but it is a

v e r y im portant mantra. M a y b e th ey h ave to use it o n ly o n c e or twice

a year, but it is e x trem ely important. H a v e them write it d o w n and

keep it so m ew h ere , and e v e ry time th ey suffer v e ry much, encourage

them to g o and look for that mantra and try to practice it.

THE CAKE IN THE REFRIGERATOR

If w e h ave not ye t been able to b u y a bell o r set up a Breathing R o o m

at our hom e, w e can use a cake. It is a v e r y special cake that is not

m ade o f flour and sugar like a sp o n g e cake. W e can keep eating it,

and it is never finished. It is ca lled T h e C a k e in the Refrigerator.

Practice

T h e re will c o m e a day w h en y o u r child is sitting in the l iving room,

and she sees that her parents are about to lose their tem p er with

each other. As soon as the a tm osph ere b ec o m es h e a vy and unpleas­

ant, she can use the practice o f the cake to restore h a rm o n y in yo u r

family. First o f all, she breathes in and out three times to g ive herself

en o u g h courage , and then she looks at her m o th er and says to her:

"M o m m y , M o m m y ." O f course she can do this w ith her father, a

grandparent, or a n y o th e r adult that takes care o f her as well . H e r

m oth er will look at her and ask, ' 'W hat is it, m y child?” A n d she will

say, ” 1 rem em b er that w e h ave a cake in the refrigerator." W h e t h e r or

not there is really a cake in the refrigerator does not matter.

S a y in g "there is a cake in the re frigerator” really means: "Par­

ents, don't m ake each o th e r suffer anym o re ." W h e n they hear these

w ords , her parents will understand. H e r m o th er will look at her and

say: "Q uite right! W ill y o u g o outside and arrange the chairs for a

picnic w h ile 1 g o and fetch the cake and the tea." W h e n m o th er says

this, she has a lread y found a w a y out o f the dangerous situation. She

can run out on to the p orch and wait for her. H e r m oth er no w has

152 Practicing with Children

an o p p o rtu n ity to w ith d raw from the fight. B efore the child spoke

up, her m o th er cou ld not stand up and leave s ince it w o u ld be v e ry

im polite, and it m ight pour m ore oil onto the flames o f the other

parent's anger. N o w , the m o th er can g o into the kitchen. A s she

opens the re frigerator to take out the cake and boils the w a te r to

m ake the tea, she can fo l low her breathing. If there is no real cake

in the refrigerator, don't worry, she will find s o m e th in g to substitute

for the cake. A s she prepares the cake and tea, she can smile the half

smile to feel lighter in b o d y and spirit.

W h i le the o th e r parent is s itting a lone in the l iv ing room , he can

beg in to practice breath in g in mindfulness. G ra d u a l ly his hot tem ­

per will calm d ow n. A fter the tea and the cake have been p laced on

the table, he m ay w alk out s lo w ly o nto the porch to jo in the tea

party in an atm osp h ere that is light and full o f understanding. If the

parent inside is hesitant to c o m e out, then the ch ild can run into the

house, take his hand, and c o a x him out b y say ing, "Please c o m e and

have som e tea and cake with me."

ORANGE MEDITATION

T h e re are so m e p eo p le w h o eat an o ran ge but don't re a lly eat it.

T h e y eat their sorrow, fear, anger, past, and future. T h e y are not

really present with b o d y and m ind united. W h e n w e eat an orange,

w e can m ake the eating into a m editation. W e sit in such a w a y

that w e feel com fortab le , solid, and w e look at the o range in such a

w a y that w e can see the o range as a miracle . C o n c e n tra t io n is ve ry

important. W e kn o w that w h en w e eat an ice cream, if w e turn on

television w e lose the ice cream, w e c an n o t con centrate on our ice

cream. W ith o u t m indfulness and con centrat ion , w e c an n o t really

e n jo y ourselves and the orange.

Practice

H a v e the ch i ld hold the o ran g e in the palm o f his hand and lo o k and

lo o k at it w hile breath in g in and out, so that the orange b ec o m es a

reality. If he is not here, totally present, the o range isn't here either.

A sk him to see the o ran g e tree, see the o ran g e blossom , see the sun

and the rain passing through, and see the tiny fruit form. A n d now

the fruit has gro w n into a beautiful orange. S o just lo o k in g and sm il­

ing into the orange he gets in touch with the w o nd ers o f life. H e

som etim es ignores the fact that the o range in the palm o f his hand

is really a miracle , a w o n d e r o f life. T h e re are so m any w o n d e rs o f

life inside o f him and around him. S o w h e n he looks at the orange

and smiles to the o range in that way, he really sees the o ran g e in its

splendor, in its miraculous nature. A n d sud d en ly he h im self b ec o m es

154 Practicing with Children

a miracle , because he is a miracle, he is not so m e th in g less than

a miracle. H is presence is a miracle. H e is a m iracle enco u ntering

anoth er miracle .

W h e n he looks at the o range deeply , he will be able to see m a n y

w onderfu l things: the sun sh in ing and the rain falling on the o range

tree, the o ran ge b lossom s, the t iny fruit ap p ear in g on the branch,

the co lo r o f the fruit c h a n g in g from green to ye llow , and then the

fu ll-grow n orange . N o w ask him to s lo w ly b eg in to peel it. To smell

the w onderfu l scent o f the o range peel. T o break o ff a section o f the

o range and put it into his m outh. T o taste its w onderfu l juice.

T h e o ran g e tree has taken three, four, or six m onths to m ake such

an orange for him. N o w the o ran g e is ready, and it says, "1 am here

for you.' ' But if he is not present, he will not hear it. W h e n he is not

lo o k in g at the o range in the present m om ent, then the o ran g e is

not present either. Being fully present w h ile eat in g an o range is a

delightful experience .

TREE HUGGING

In m y h o m e in Plum Village, I p lanted three ced ar trees. I planted

them about thirty years ago, and no w th ey are ve ry b ig and beau ti­

ful, and v e ry refreshing. W h i le I am d o in g w a lk in g m editation, 1

usually stop in front o f one o f the trees. I b o w to it. It m akes me feel

happy. 1 touch the bark w ith m y cheek . I smell the tree. I look up at

the beautiful leaves. I feel the strength and freshness o f the tree. I

breathe in and out deeply. It's very pleasant, and som etim es I s tay for

a lo n g time, just e n jo y in g the lo v e ly tree.

W h e n w e touch a tree, w e receive so m e th in g beautiful and

refresh ing back. Trees are w onderful! T h e y are also solid, even in a

storm. W e can learn a lot from trees.

Practice

H a v e the child find a tree that is esp ec ia l ly beautiful to her— perhaps

it's an apple tree, an oak tree, o r a pine tree. If she stops and touches

a tree deeply , she will feel its w onderfu l qualities. Breathing d eep ly

will help her touch the tree deeply. H a v e her breathe in, touch the

tree, then breathe out. D o this three times. T o u c h in g the tree in this

w a y will m ake her feel refreshed and happy.

T h e n , if she likes, she can h ug the tree. Tree h u g g in g is a w o n d e r ­

ful practice. W h e n she hugs a tree, a tree never refuses. S h e can rely

on a tree. It is dependab le . E very time she w ants to see it, e v e ry time

she needs its shade, it is there for her.

TODAY'S DAY

W e have all sorts o f special days. T h e r e is a special d ay to rem em b er

fathers. W e call it Father's D ay. T h e re is a special d a y to ce lebrate

our mothers. W e call it M other 's Day. T h e r e is a N e w Year's D ay ,

La b o r D ay, and Earth Day. O n e d a y a y o u n g person vis it ing Plum

V il lage said, " W h y not declare to d a y as Today 's D ay?" A n d all the

children agreed that w e should ce lebrate to d a y and call it Today 's

D ay.

Practice

O n this day, Today 's D ay, don't think about yesterday , don't think

about tom orrow, o n ly think about today. Today 's D a y is w h e n w e

live h ap p ily in the present m om ent. W h e n w e eat, w e k n o w that w e

are eating. W h e n w e drink water, w e are aw are that it is w a te r w e are

drinking. W h e n w e walk, w e really e n jo y each step. W h e n w e play,

w e are really present in our play.

T o d a y is a w ond erfu l day. T o d a y is the m ost w onderfu l day. T h a t

does not mean that ye s te rd a y w as not w onderfu l . But ye s te rd a y is

a lread y gon e. It does not mean that to m o rro w will not be w o n d e r ­

ful. But to m o rro w is not y e t here. T o d a y is the o n ly d ay available to

us today, and w e can take g o o d care o f it. T h a t is w h y to d ay is so

im portant— the m ost im portant d a y o f our lives.

S o each m o rn in g w h en the ch ild w akes up, h ave him d ec id e to

make that d ay the m ost im portant day. Before h e g o es o f f to school,

tell him to sit o r lie d ow n, breathe s lo w ly in and out fo ra few minutes,

Practicing with Children 1 57

e n jo y his in-breath, e n jo y his out-breath , and smile. H e is here. H e

is content. H e is peaceful. T h is is a w onderfu l w a y to b eg in a day.

A sk him to try to keep this spirit alive all day,- to rem em b er to g o

back to his breath, to lo o k at o th er p eop le with lo v in g kindness, to

smile and be h a p p y w ith the gift o f life. H a v e a g o o d d ay today. T h is

is not o n ly a wish. T h is is a practice.

CONCLUSION

All these practices have the sam e basic purpose: to bring our minds

back to our bodies, to pro duce our true presence, and to b ec o m e

fully alive so that e ve ry th in g h ap p ens in the light o f mindfulness.

Each practice in itself is v e ry simple. W e breathe in and w e breathe

out,- w e make a step in mindfulness,- w e listen d e e p ly to the ones

w e love and look c lo se ly at the beauty around us. But these s im ple

practices can also help us touch our true nature o f no birth and no

death and no separation.

If w e w ant p eace in ourselves and in our w orld , w e have to p ra c ­

tice. If w e don't practice, w e don't have eno u gh o f the e n e rg y o f

m indfulness to take care o f our fear and anger and the fear and anger

o f our loved ones. M in dfu lness practice is essential for our survival,

our peace, and our protection. All o f us, as well as our families, our

society , and our w orld , need the w isd om and insight that co m es

from practic ing m indfulness and looking deeply.

In Buddhism, there's a w onderfu l im age o f the w orld , full o f b right

sh iny jewels . T h is w orld is ca lled the D b a rm a k a y a . W h e n w e look

closely, w e can see that the D h a rm a k a y a is our e v e r y d a y w orld . W e

have a rich inheritance, but w e don't kn o w it. W e b eh a v e as if w e

w ere poor, a destitute son o r daughter. Instead w e can rec o g n ize

that w e have a treasure o f en lightenm ent, understanding, love, and

j o y inside us. It's time to g o back to receive our inheritance. T h e se

practices can h elp us cla im it.

Conclusion 159

O U R T R U E H E R I T A G E

T h e co sm o s is filled w ith precious gem s.

I w ant to o f fer a handful o f them to y o u this m orning.

Each m o m ent y o u are alive is a gem ,

sh in ing through and co n ta in in g earth and sky,

w a te r and clouds.

It needs y o u to b reathe g e n t ly

for the miracles to be displayed .

S u d d e n ly y o u hear the birds s inging,

the pines chanting,

see the flowers b lo o m in g ,

the blue sky,

the w h ite clouds,

the smile and the m arvelous look

o f y o u r beloved .

You, the richest person on Earth,

w h o h ave been g o in g around b e g g in g for a living,

stop b e in g the destitute child.

C o m e back and claim y o u r heritage.

W e should e n jo y our happiness

and o ffer it to e ve ryo n e .

C h er ish this v e r y m om ent.

Let g o o f the stream o f distress

and em brace life fully in y o u r arms.

— Tbich Nhat Hanb

P a r a l l a x P r e s s , a n o n p r o f i t o r g a n i z a t i o n , p u b l i s h e s b o o k s o n e n g a g e d B u d d h i s m

a n d t h e p r a c t i c e o f m i n d f u l n e s s b y T h i c h N h a t H a n h a n d o t h e r a u t h o r s . A l l

o f T h i c h N h a t H a n h ' s w o r k i s a v a i l a b l e a t o u r o n l i n e s t o r e a n d i n o u r f r e e

c a t a l o g . F o r a c o p y o f t h e c a t a l o g , p l e a s e c o n t a c t :

P a r a l l a x P r e s s

P . O . B o x 7355

B e r k e l e y , C A 94707

T e l : (510) 525-0101

w w w . p a r a l l a x . o r g

M o n a s t i c s a n d l a y p e o p l c p r a c t i c e t h e a r t o f m i n d f u l l i v i n g i n t h e t r a d i t i o n o f

T h i c h N h a t H a n h a t r e t r e a t c o m m u n i t i e s i n F r a n c e a n d t h e U n i t e d S t a t e s .

T o r e a c h a n y o f t h e s e c o m m u n i t i e s , o r f o r i n f o r m a t i o n a b o u t i n d i v i d u a l s a n d

f a m i l i e s j o i n i n g f o r a p r a c t i c e p e r i o d , p l e a s e c o n t a c t :

P l u m V i l l a g e

1 3 M a r t i n e a u

33580 D i e u l i v o l , F r a n c e

w w w . p l u m v i l l a g e . o r g

B l u e C l i f f M o n a s t e r y D e e r P a r k M o n a s t e r y

3 M i n d f u l n e s s R o a d 2499 M e l r u L a n e

P i n e B u s h , N Y 12566 E s c o n d i d o , C A 92026

w w w . b l u e c l i f f m o n a s t e r y . o r g w w w . d e e r p a r k m o n a s t e r y . o r g

T h e Mindfulness Bell, a j o u r n a l o f t h e a r t o f m i n d f u l l i v i n g i n t h e t r a d i t i o n

o f T h i c h N h a t H a n h , i s p u b l i s h e d t h r e e t i m e s a y e a r b y P l u m V i l l a g e .

T o s u b s c r i b e o r t o s e e t h e w o r l d w i d e d i r e c t o r y o f S a n g h a s , v i s i t

w w w . m i n d f u l n e s s b e l l . o r g