Great Tips for Life

an A to Z of Life

Acceptance

Accepting yourself, your circumstances and the world you live in is the first step to freedom. The ability to accept difficult feelings as well.

• Tip: Give up criticizing yourself for one day! Have the life you want by accepting the life you have.

Being

How you’re being in the world is very important. You can decide how you want to be. For example, if you are ‘being’ loving, you will notice a lot more love in your life. You don’t have to do anything, just be.

• Tip: Be loving for one day and notice what that brings you

Cynicism

Cynicism is the negation of life as it kills off all hope.

• Tip: What are you being cynical about? Turn off the cynical voice in your head for a day and see what happens.

Dreams

Many of us give up our dreams because we talk ourselves out of doing them or listen to others’ cynicism. Anything is possible if we pursue it.

• Tip: Write down a dream you have and make a plan to realize it. Don’t listen to others’ cynicism about your dreams.

Empathy

If we can be in someone else’s world we can understand them and communicate with them clearly instead of trying to impose our point of view.

• Tip: When someone says something to you, put yourself in their shoes and think what it would be like to be in their world. Notice what effect that has on your interaction.

Forgiveness

By forgiving others for things they have done in the past it will free yourself from the upset you have with that person.

• Tip: Forgive someone who you are blaming. Notice the impact it has on you and your relationship. Do you feel lighter? You can also forgive yourself for something you’re blaming yourself for.

Generosity

Remember Scrooge and what happened to him when he gave up being mean? He transformed from a sad man into a happy person who was excited about life.

• Tip: Buy a gift for a friend or give some of your time away for nothing.

Honesty

It’s always important to be honest to others and true to yourself. Don’t forget, the truth will set you free.

• Tip: Notice when you tell lies (even white ones), and start being honest and true to yourself. When you say you will do something, keep your word.

Intimacy

Human beings often avoid intimacy as we feel safer when there is more distance. However, the experience of intimacy with another human being is a joyful experience.

• Tip: Allow yourself to be intimate with others by revealing more about yourself and your insecurities.

Judging

Judging others. When we judge others we cannot communicate with them effectively. In a family situation that can be disastrous.

• Tip: Give up judging someone in your life and notice how that alters your relationship.

Knowing

Sometimes we get upset when we don’t know something and we criticise ourselves for not knowing or pretend we do know.

• Tip: It’s OK not to know. Give yourself a break!

Love

Many of us live as if there is a scarcity of love in the world. In fact, love is everywhere and the more we give the more we get back. Be open to it and let it in your life.

• Tip: Tell someone in your life that you love them- notice how that alters your relationship.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness is the practice of staying in the present with acceptance.

• Tip: Sit for 5 minutes and focus on your breathing to help you stay in the present. If you notice any uncomfortable feelings or thought, just notice them. Don't try and understand your thoughts or analyze them, and just go back to focusing on your breathing.

N is for saying No

N is for Saying No. Sometimes we may find it difficult to say ‘no’ to others because we want to please them. However, by not saying ‘no’, we do not always meet our own needs.

• Tip: Say ’No’ to someone the next time you want to say no, and see what happens.

Optimism

Having an optimistic outlook on life is important. Studies show optimistic people live longer and have healthier lives.

• Tip: The next time something goes wrong look at the positive outcomes. Notice how you might be drawn to the negative ones.

Past

P is for the past. The past influences decisions we make now and in the future. If something goes badly in the past, we stop doing it. For example, if someone in our past laughed at our singing, we decide we can’t sing and avoid singing, even if we like to sing.• Tip: If you have a voice in your head saying

things like “I can’t do that. I’m no good at it. I never was any good at it at school”. Ignore the voice and follow your dream.

Quest

It’s important to have a quest in life, such as wanting to improve the environment where you live. It gives you something to strive for and a reason for living.

• Tip: Invent a quest for your life and write it down on a piece of paper. Put it somewhere you can see it every day.

Right

Human beings love to be right, but often the cost is that we lose the friendship or love we feel for others when we are trying to persuade them we are right and they are wrong.

• Tip: When you notice that you are determined to be right in an argument see it from the other person’s point of view. Give up being right even if you know you are!

Should

When we say ‘should’ it is a warning signal that we have a fixed expectation in life and it’s likely to cause us upset when it’s not fulfilled.

• Tip: Notice when you say ‘should’ in a conversation and question whether you’re just trying to impose your values on someone else or yourself.

Trying

When someone asks you to do something and you hear yourself reply “I’ll try”, do you really intend to do it or is it a weak promise? Often people say “I’ll try” and then do nothing and feel guilty about it.

• Tip: The next time you are about to say “I’ll try”, change it to “I will” or “I won’t”. You will gain people’s respect.

Unconditional love

Human beings like to hold back their love with certain conditions and we end up not really loving the people we are close to and even alienating them.

• Tip : Love those close to you unconditionally and notice what that brings to your relationship

Voice in the head

We all have a little voice in our head chatting away all the time. The mistake we make is to respect and listen to that voice because it is not always a helpful little voice.

• Tip: When you hear that voice saying you’re not good enough, tell it to shut up, or ignore it!

Wisdom

Accept the things you cannot change and have the courage to change the things you can. Wisdom is knowing the difference.

• Tip: Make a list of the things you can change in your life. Which ones do you want to change? Be courageous and make one of those changes.

eXpressing yourself

X is for eXpressing yourself fully. When you express your thoughts and feelings rather than bottling them up, you will feel more alive.

• Tip: Sing loudly in the bath or shower! Express something to someone which you would normally keep in and don’t worry what they think about you. Notice how you feel after you expressed it.

Yes

Saying Yes. You will find that more things will happen in your life if you are open to new things.

• Tip: Say ‘yes’ to suggestions people make even if there’s a cynical voice in your head saying ‘no’.

Zest

Human beings naturally have a lot of energy and zest for life. Just watch a group of small children playing. We lose that as we get older and more resistant to life.

• Tip: Follow the tips in this guide and you will notice a new spring in your step!

About the author

Charles Baines is a qualified and accredited BACP counsellor living in Brighton. He runs his own counselling practice near Fiveways in Brighton and he teaches counselling skills.

www.counsellingforbrighton.co.uk

tel: 07765 215 442