gravel in relation with kubler ross cycle of grief

8/10/2019 Gravel in relation with Kubler Ross cycle of grief

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Brian Wang

10/23/2014

English IBA

Mr. Seeley

Taking Things for Granite (Gravel)

The short story Gravel by Alice Munro seems to be attempting to illustrate multiple

facets regarding memory. It does this through its usage of leading diction that seems to suggest

what is happening without ever fully explaining, and through the things that it doesn’t include.

The isolated nature of memories becomes visible through both the way the text is

structured and through the dialogues of the characters within the text. The entire text is set up as

a retelling of a previous experience of the narrator, who consistently is unable to remember what

exactly was going on at various instances throughout the text. Towards the beginning, the

narrator of the text states that “I barely remember that life. […] I remember some parts of it

clearly, but without the links you need to form a proper picture.” The text seems to be blatantly

suggesting something about the nature of memory here, specifically, the incomplete and

incoherent nature of memory. Furthermore, the text also seems to be illuminating the unreliable

nature of our memories, as it seems to be implicating that they may very well be contradictory

with one another, as shown when the narrator introduces Neal as “an actor” then promptly states

that “[Neal] was not really an actor” soon afterwards, suggesting that the narrator wasn’t really

sure what Neal was, or, at the very least, couldn’t remember. In addition, the text’s mention of

the “dream” the narrator is haunted by is very much a distorted version of the original memory of



her sister’s drowning. In the original version of the scene, the narrator mentions “[standing] there

not obeying”; however, in the dream sequence, the narrator is “running” in an attempt to help her

drowning sister, before reaching the water and standing there watching her drown. Through these

instances, and many more like them, one can see that, to a certain extent, through its usage of

contradictory statements, multiple realities, and rather direct statements, the text seems to offer

up some wisdom regarding the nature of our memories.

The text could also be serving as a metaphor for the way we deal with certain memories,

both in regards to what types of events get remembered and how we, as a species, are able to

overcome the demons inherently present within our memories. Some instances where a

commentary on memory can be seen within the text are when the text mentions “[Neal’s] big,

helpless toes”, as well as the portrayal of the bedtime scene between the narrator and her sister.

The text’s depiction of the events the narrator remembers seems to directly coincide with the

Freudian idea that people will have a propensity to remember events or sights associated with

powerful moments, as well as mundane routines; the sight of Neal’s toes was accompanied by

the traumatizing event of her sister’s death, and the bedtime chatter between the narrator and her

sister seems to serve as a representation of typical mundane routines. This also illustrates the idea

of how we are able to call upon our previous memories; it is through the repression, abstraction,

and regression of our thoughts that we are ultimately able to remember.

Furthermore, the manner in which the narrator seems to try to cope with the death of her

sister seems to be a textbook example of the Kubler-Ross model of the five stages of grief.

Originally, she denies the prospect of her sister’s death through her aforementioned dreams,

twisting and manipulating events in an attempt to make them more preferable and easier to bear.

After finishing the denial stage, the narrator begins to look for people to blame for the death of



her sister, constantly looking for scapegoats, harboring thoughts such as “Maybe I remembered

that Neal had said”, apparently blaming Neal for her sister’s death. The narrator’s seeking of

someone, anyone, to blame for her loss epitomizes the anger stage of grieving. Eventually, the

narrator begins to look for alternative ways of dealing with the loss, such as going to numerous

counselors and therapists, as well as seeking help from those around her, all in an attempt to

remove the source of her sadness. In this manner, the text seems to be forcing the narrator

through the next stage of grief: bargaining. Next, the narrator becomes very detached from the

events occurring in the story, stating them as if they had nothing to do with her, and she begins to

lose the life that separates humans from machines. The narrator describes the days following the

death in a very curt manner “My brother […] was not born until ten days after the funeral […]

[A woman] took me on an expedition. […] My mother recovered. She had to […]”. The text

seems to be implying that the narrator is going through the stage of depression by taking out all

semblance of anything that makes us human, effectively portraying the narrator in this stage as

someone who has lost all will to live, one of the main symptoms of someone undergoing the

depression stage. Lastly, the narrator is ultimately able to come to terms with her loss, and accept

it, when, at the end, she is finally able to move on, when she finally understands how to “be

happy”, despite her loss.

The short story of Gravel illustrates many things about both the nature of memory and

how we deal with memories, both at the time the original events are occurring, and long after

said events have transpired.

gravel in relation with kubler ross cycle of grief

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