girl bullying

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Original material copyright 2008 Dr. April Foreman all rights reserved. All other copyrights and trademarks are the property of their respective holders. www.docforeman.com Girl Bullying: Helping mean girls make nice Unpacking Relational Aggression and Bullying among Girls Abhey Gupta

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Page 1: Girl bullying

Original material copyright 2008 Dr. April Foreman all rights reserved. All other copyrights and trademarks are the property of their respective holders.

www.docforeman.com

Girl Bullying: Helping mean girls make nice

Unpacking Relational Aggression and Bullying among Girls

Abhey Gupta

Page 2: Girl bullying

Original material copyright 2008 Dr. April Foreman all rights reserved. All other copyrights and trademarks are the property of their respective holders.

www.docforeman.com

Why are we here?

Why *I* am here Why this workshop is important? Recent news in “girl bullying” Why are *you* here? Check you pen color.

Page 3: Girl bullying

Original material copyright 2008 Dr. April Foreman all rights reserved. All other copyrights and trademarks are the property of their respective holders.

www.docforeman.com

What do we mean by “Girl Bullying?”

Page 4: Girl bullying

Original material copyright 2008 Dr. April Foreman all rights reserved. All other copyrights and trademarks are the property of their respective holders.

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Helpful Terms

Social Aggression Relational Aggression

Put your head down and cover your eyes.

Why might these forms of aggression be particularly appealing to girls?

Page 5: Girl bullying

Original material copyright 2008 Dr. April Foreman all rights reserved. All other copyrights and trademarks are the property of their respective holders.

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Gender and Aggression

All children feel anger, jealousy, competition and aggression.

Girls are socialized to avoid expressing these feelings directly.

All girls (and all boys) engage in relational and social aggression from time to time.

Not all aggression is negative. Not all aggression is bullying.

Page 6: Girl bullying

Original material copyright 2008 Dr. April Foreman all rights reserved. All other copyrights and trademarks are the property of their respective holders.

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“Girl” Bullying is

Repeated actions against a target Intentionally harmful to target Power imbalance between aggressor and

target

We *expect* this kind of behavior among girls. But we do not *accept* it.

Page 7: Girl bullying

Original material copyright 2008 Dr. April Foreman all rights reserved. All other copyrights and trademarks are the property of their respective holders.

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Girl bullying is a predictable phenomenon

All girls use relational and social aggression. But not all girls have a pattern of bullying. And not all girls are likely targets.

Group Process Activity

Page 8: Girl bullying

Original material copyright 2008 Dr. April Foreman all rights reserved. All other copyrights and trademarks are the property of their respective holders.

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Unpacking our Emotional Baggage(Adapted from Wiseman, 2002)

Where did you fit in middle school? Where did you fit in high school? What did you get from being part of this group? Did you ever want to leave the clique but felt

like you couldn’t? Were you ever tormented by someone in a

clique?

Page 9: Girl bullying

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Continued:

Is there anyone you would run away from if you saw them now?

Did you ever feel trapped by a reputation you couldn’t shake?

Were you ever teased? About what? How did you handle it?

Did you spread gossip? Were you gossiped about? How did you handle it?

Page 10: Girl bullying

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Characteristics of Girl Bullies

Tendency to prefer RA/SA over assertive behaviors

May use RA/SA for several reasons– Jealousy/Insecurity is #1 reason– Maintain or build status/power– Competition for attention from romantic interests– Learned behaviors from role models and peers– Entertainment, to alleviate boredom

Page 11: Girl bullying

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Continued:

Good grooming and social skills Wants to please authority figures and appear

“nice” Poorer internal emotional regulation Hostile Interpersonal Attribution Bias

Page 12: Girl bullying

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Continued:

Lower levels of empathy– May be a precursor in developing Anti-Social

Personality Disorder– Gender Bias in Conduct Disorder criteria

Page 13: Girl bullying

Original material copyright 2008 Dr. April Foreman all rights reserved. All other copyrights and trademarks are the property of their respective holders.

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Characteristics of Targets

Target vs. Victim Three “Ds”

– Different– Dominant– Disruptive

Most- and least-liked of peer cohort May be less likely to “go along to get along”

Page 14: Girl bullying

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Continued:

May have poorer social insight or social skills May tend to be more comfortable with critical

or direct feedback… “unvarnished truth” Bully perceives target as a threat in some way May have poorer emotional regulation… “push

button temper”

Page 15: Girl bullying

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Continued:

May have less experience with playful RA/SA May have strong sense of justice… “whistle

blower”

Bottom Line: Not all bullies are the same and not all targets are the same

Page 16: Girl bullying

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Common Techniques of RA Bullying

Gossiping Teasing/Public Humiliation Relational blackmail Ostracism/Exclusion Creating Paranoia Pranks and technology

Page 17: Girl bullying

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Cyberbullying

This is not really new, just a new medium. Some research suggests 58% of girls know

more about internet/computers than parents Cellphones and texting more ubiquitous Organized cyberbullying Can happen in email, chat rooms, social

networking sites, interactive gaming sites

Page 18: Girl bullying

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Continued:

Cyberbullying enhances anonymity of bullies who do things they might not do IRL… They are more anonymous and more removed from target.

Cyberbullying enhances paranoia of targets Internet allows broad abilities to access and

distribute information quickly and easily

Page 19: Girl bullying

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Terms to know

Troll Sock Puppet Flame Leet Speak Txt speak

Page 20: Girl bullying

Original material copyright 2008 Dr. April Foreman all rights reserved. All other copyrights and trademarks are the property of their respective holders.

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Keep in mind:

Everything leaves a trace in Cyberspace that is never really deleted.

Most of the time it is easy to change email, and disconnect from antagonistic situations.

Everyone is *not* looking. Slander, Libel, Defamation, Fraud

Page 21: Girl bullying

Original material copyright 2008 Dr. April Foreman all rights reserved. All other copyrights and trademarks are the property of their respective holders.

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Tips for Addressing Cyberbullying

No unmoderated/unsupervised internet use Parents/supervisor have all passwords, total

access, and actually *supervise* internet use Need help deciphering? Google and Wikipedia

are your friends Harassers can be blocked, deleted, and

avoided.

Page 22: Girl bullying

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More tips:

Reporting harassment and cyberbullying is getting easier.

Adopt two important IRL rules:– NO identifying IRL information goes on-line– No on-line behaviors that would not be acceptable

IRL

There are new laws about cyberbullying in Missouri.

Page 23: Girl bullying

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If you read further down that article…

“The Missouri measure also requires school officials to tell police about harassment and stalking on school grounds and expands state laws against stalking to cover "credible threats" not only against the victim but against family and household members and animals…”

Page 24: Girl bullying

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Outcomes of Bullying

Peer rejection Maladaptive internalizing and/or externalizing

of problems Depressive symptoms and suicidal ideation Loneliness Obesity Eating Disorders

Page 25: Girl bullying

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Outcomes continued:

Substance abuse and addiction Romantic and relationship problems Personality Disorders Dislike of women in general… “I’m a woman,

and I think women are generally bad.” Poor self-esteem Contagion…RA/SA is interpersonally

transmitted. If you allow it, it spreads.

Page 26: Girl bullying

Original material copyright 2008 Dr. April Foreman all rights reserved. All other copyrights and trademarks are the property of their respective holders.

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Bottom line:

Understanding RA/SA helps us understand a significant factor in the adjustment problems in girls.

Page 27: Girl bullying

Original material copyright 2008 Dr. April Foreman all rights reserved. All other copyrights and trademarks are the property of their respective holders.

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The Ophelia Project and Related Efforts

Campaigns for saving our girls

Page 28: Girl bullying

Original material copyright 2008 Dr. April Foreman all rights reserved. All other copyrights and trademarks are the property of their respective holders.

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Recent attention on Girl Bullying

Attention to RA/SA, Girl Bullying picked up in the 1990s.

Mary Pipher and The Ophelia Project “Mean Girls” movement

– Tina Fey– Rosalind Wiseman

Academic research and the popular media

Page 29: Girl bullying

Original material copyright 2008 Dr. April Foreman all rights reserved. All other copyrights and trademarks are the property of their respective holders.

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Tomorrow: Recognizing and Intervening in Girl Bullying

Meeting the needs of Bullies, Targets, and Girls in the Middle

Page 30: Girl bullying

Original material copyright 2008 Dr. April Foreman all rights reserved. All other copyrights and trademarks are the property of their respective holders.

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Girl Bullying: Helping mean girls make nice

Meeting the needs of Bullies, Targets, and Girls in the Middle

April C. Foreman, Ph.D.

Page 31: Girl bullying

Original material copyright 2008 Dr. April Foreman all rights reserved. All other copyrights and trademarks are the property of their respective holders.

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Archetypes from Childhood

Page 32: Girl bullying

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What the Stepsisters are Feeling

Page 33: Girl bullying

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Relational Bullying in our own Childhoods

What was yesterday like for you?

What surprising reactions did you have?

What insights did you have?

What do you need today?

Page 34: Girl bullying

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Queen Bees & Wannabes

Rosalind Wiseman, 2002 Basis of “Mean Girls” movie Most common taxonomy for classifying roles of

girl bullying My most recommended resource for *parents*

of girls facing problems related to relational aggression

Page 35: Girl bullying

Original material copyright 2008 Dr. April Foreman all rights reserved. All other copyrights and trademarks are the property of their respective holders.

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WARNING:

Withholding judgment is important Interventions are much less effective when we

judge the people we are trying to help. Perspective taking makes a difference Motivations and functions of roles

Page 36: Girl bullying

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Queen Bee

Other girls/peers do what she wants Her complaints about others are limited to how

“lame” they are Exclusive vs. inclusive Charming to adults…Eddie Haskell Won’t take responsibility when she hurts others

feelings

Page 37: Girl bullying

Original material copyright 2008 Dr. April Foreman all rights reserved. All other copyrights and trademarks are the property of their respective holders.

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Queen Bee, continued

If she feels she has been wronged she feels justified in taking revenge

Often appears the “nicest” Least likely to explicitly recognize her status If you move her to a new environment, she’ll

find new sidekicks and continue her behavior

Page 38: Girl bullying

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Queen Bee:Benefits and Costs

Power and control over her environment Attention and superficial admiration Relies on her role for sense of self May be at risk for less desirable psychological

outcomes Parents may value her role as “Queen Bee”

and may not intervene

Page 39: Girl bullying

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Sidekick

Lieutenant, Second-in-command Power comes from Queen Bee Most similar to Queen Bee May execute bullying behaviors on behalf of

the Queen Bee More able to change behaviors if moved to a

new environment

Page 40: Girl bullying

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Sidekick:Benefits and Costs

Power over others, reflected status Safest from bullying by Queen Bee Feels popular and included May be disconnected from her own identity Highest risk of RA/SA contagion and

consequences

Page 41: Girl bullying

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Banker:

Collects gossip and uses it as relational currency

Strategic thinker Secretive Rarely the subject of conflict Seems to be friends with everyone…treated

like a pet

Page 42: Girl bullying

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Banker, continued

May be a physical “late bloomer” Sneaks under the radar because she appears

cute and harmless

Page 43: Girl bullying

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Banker:Benefits and Costs

Power and security Other girls do not trust her May appear “nice” but struggle with empathy

Page 44: Girl bullying

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Floater

Friends in different groups Passes easily from one group to another Doesn’t have one of the the “3 Ds” Nice, but not sophisticated; Pretty, but not

beautiful Avoids conflict May have skills to stand up to Queen Bee

Page 45: Girl bullying

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Floater

Inclusive vs. Exclusive Moderate social power

Page 46: Girl bullying

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Floater: Benefits and Costs

Better self-esteem Identity less tied to any single group Assertive and good negotiation skills Can be an asset in resolving bullying Not a reasonable role for girls who are truly

exceptional or who, by their very nature will stand out or be more competitive

Page 47: Girl bullying

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The Torn Bystander

“Girl in the Middle” Doesn’t like what the Queen Bee does, but

feels powerless to stop her Often in situations where she feels she must

choose between friends Very easily influence by the clique Tries to accommodate everyone

Page 48: Girl bullying

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The Torn Bystander, continued

Can’t say, “No.” “Goes along to get along”

Page 49: Girl bullying

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The Torn Bystander:Benefits and Costs

Avoids being a target of bullying Access to perks of popularity and status Not well respected by anyone Confused and insecure Sacrificed identity Reduces her threat to Queen Bee through

playing down her strengths and abilities

Page 50: Girl bullying

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Pleaser/Messenger/Wannabe

Similar to Sidekick and Torn Bystander, but without sense of security, or conflicting emotions

Identity comes from Queen Bee Desperately needs clique’s approval Always in the middle of the drama Does the other girls’ dirty work

Page 51: Girl bullying

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Pleaser/Messenger/Wannabe, con’t.

Loves gossip and prides herself on being “in the loop”

Page 52: Girl bullying

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Pleaser/Messenger/Wannabe:Benefits and Costs

Feels included Enjoys the energy of “the drama” Lacks authenticity Not well-respected by peers Poor boundaries and assertiveness skills Poor identity development

Page 53: Girl bullying

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Target

Often has one or more of the “3 Ds” Lack of social power or alliances Feels helpless Remember the list from yesterday?

Page 54: Girl bullying

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Target:Benefits and Costs

May have objectivity and more secure friendships

Sense of self outside of clique Doesn’t have as much to lose by standing up

to Queen Bee But may have other poor psychological

outcomes

Page 55: Girl bullying

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Social “Maps”

Clique maps

Page 56: Girl bullying

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Activity

Break into groups by pen color Develop a case study of “Girl Bullying” Draw on your own experiences or professional

dilemmas Remove or alter any identifying information

Page 57: Girl bullying

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Case Conceptualization

Trade case studies Systematic Case Conceptualization: A guide to

breaking down the components of girl bullying Helps us with objectivity, perspective taking,

and developing insight

Page 58: Girl bullying

Original material copyright 2008 Dr. April Foreman all rights reserved. All other copyrights and trademarks are the property of their respective holders.

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Intervention:“12 Strategies that will end Girl Bullying”

Dellasega & Nixon, 2003 Education of kids, parents, teachers, helping

professionals Prevention

– Teach and model a culture of care and empathy– Teaching assertive conflict resolution skills– Teaching benign interpersonal attribution bias– Arranging a variety activities and opportunities for skill and

self-esteem development

Page 59: Girl bullying

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Intervention:“12 Strategies that will end Girl Bullying”

– Some recommend encouraging girls to intervene in RA/SA when they see it. What do *you* think about this?

– The power of supervision: Redirection and distraction

– Helping girls identify their social power and using it to help and include less popular girls

Page 60: Girl bullying

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Intervention:“12 Strategies that will end Girl Bullying”

Give girls the courage to be kind– Teaching girls to evaluate relationships– Developing a broad friendship network– Holding girls accountable for RA/SA– Encouraging girls to connect in ways that are kind

instead of cruel. Do girls need to use exclusion to be a cohesive group, e.g.?

– Build self-confidence and self-esteem– Teaching assertive skills to replace aggressive ones

Page 61: Girl bullying

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Intervention:“12 Strategies that will end Girl Bullying”

Intervene with the first hurts– Respectful behavior contracts– Safe spaces and safe people to turn to– Help girls talk through RA when you observe it:

Who holds the power? Who makes the rules? How could the outcome be changed? What would help a bystander take a stand? Whose responsibility is it to change RA/bullying behaviors?

Page 62: Girl bullying

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Intervention:“12 Strategies that will end Girl Bullying”

– Avoid demonizing aggressors. They need help, too. Help them resolve issues that motivate RA/SA.

Avoid the the blame game– Don’t try to take over and “solve the problem”– Adopt a “coaching” mentality– www.sharonday.com– Focus on the group, not the girl– Listen first, act later

Page 63: Girl bullying

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Intervention:“12 Strategies that will end Girl Bullying”

– Attempt to maintain objectivity– Deal with your own baggage– Your number one job is to keep everyone safe

Enlist the help of others– When is professional help needed?

Changing the culture– Raising awareness and advocacy– Providing alternative ways of relating

Page 64: Girl bullying

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Intervention:“12 Strategies that will end Girl Bullying”

Help girls find other outlets and opportunities Soothe and support girls

– Validate instead of minimize hurts– Encourage sharing of wisdom and experience

Tool kits of options for coping Change the system: The personal is political

Page 65: Girl bullying

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Intervention:Techniques suggested by research

Overt rules about RA/SA In/out rule Teaching assertive responses to disruptive

children Sensitizing parents to RA/SA in marital conflict CBT with focus on decreasing hostile

attribution bias

Page 66: Girl bullying

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Intervention:Techniques suggested by research

Assertiveness skills training Shaping clique distaste for/values about RA/SA

– “Girls don’t like girls who…”

Reducing opportunities for boredom Improve girls’ comfort with competition Recognize and nurture girls who are good

“defenders”

Page 67: Girl bullying

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Intervention:Techniques suggested by research

Gossip interruption– 1st negative comment *must* be followed by

challenging comment for benefit

Page 68: Girl bullying

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Intervention:For Parents

Managerial practices– Choosing schools, activities, and social opportunites

Educational practices– Supervision, advice, consultation

Watch out for over-empathizing Can the parent hear that his/her child is a

bully/sidekick/wannabe/target?

Page 69: Girl bullying

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Intervention:For Parents

Should parents call the parents of others involved?

Queen Bees & Wannabees, pg. 135-150 is a good response guide for parents

Page 70: Girl bullying

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Intervention:For Schools

Whole school policies– “General statements” are not enough– Concrete statements about what is acceptable– Specific policies for faculty and students when

bullying is suspected– Focused programs for bullies and targets– Focus on positive goals rather than punishing

negative behaviors

Page 71: Girl bullying

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Intervention:For Schools

Curricular interventions: Anti-bullying curriculum

Targeting individual aggressors and victims Training teachers and staff in RA/SA

– Teachers intervene in only 1/6 of playground bullying and 1/5 of classroom bullying

– Research shows training significantly improves intervention ratios

Page 72: Girl bullying

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Intervention:For Schools

Structure playground time, lunch time, and other times when boredom may be contributing to instances to bullying

Workbooks

Page 73: Girl bullying

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Intervention:Tips for success

Don’t use words to describe the girls’ characters or personalities

Use words that concretely describe the behavior patterns

Active listening skills– Open-ended questions– Accept/validate her POV– Avoid problem-solving

Page 74: Girl bullying

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Intervention:Tips for success

– Offer options– Ask a girl, “What do *you* think you should do?”– Don’t tell her just to “ignore” it.

Does that really work?

Page 75: Girl bullying

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Activity

Develop interventions for your case study

Page 76: Girl bullying

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Wrapping up

Issues I didn’t address– Culture and SES influences on RA/SA– Lots and lots of Developmental Theory, Systems

Theory, and Feminist Theory– What else did I miss?

Q&A Email list for follow-up survey

Page 77: Girl bullying

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