Friday, March 12, 2010

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Friday, March 12, 2010


  • Spring Sports Previews

    The RecordSpring Break Edition

    John Notter, 10Sports Writer

    After a long frustrating 09 season, the Rebels look to put up a fight on the diamond this year. The team will look to returning seniors Jay Wortham, B r e n d a n M c D e r m o t t , J a m e s Kopfensteiner, Brian Hercules, Doug Hall, John Notter, and Luke Simpson to lead by example. With the loss of Charlie Friedman behind the plate, Ricky Hennessey and Bobby Heitz in the outfield, and Alex Haas in the starting rotation, the team has plenty of spots that must be filled. While the graduates will be dearly missed, the rising juniors and select sophomores look promising with Nick Thompson, Francis Cassidy, Nate Watson, and Andy Schwartz taking the field. Thompson has worked hard on his fielding and hitting and will be a solid anchor at

    Varsity Baseball Looking Promising

    Talented Underclassmen look to aid teams success

    The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School since 1960Volume 40, Issue 21 Friday, March 12, 2010

    Matt Keating, 11Sports Writer

    New Tennis coach brings change to team

    Coach Kurt Miller sets bar high for Varsity Tennis

    Chad Huber, 10Layout Editor

    Track and Field looks for a strong season

    Track returns many varsity athletes

    When you think Priory tennis what first comes to mind? Roger Federer? Rafa N a d a l ? P e r h a p s e v e n C h a r l i e Rosebrough or Josh Hartke, who were too talented to even make the team? That was Priory tennis of the past. This year only two words should come to mind. Kurt Miller. This year, Priory Tennis has an entirely different look. New coach Kurt Miller is a very talented instructor who has taught national level players in the past and really has a great knowledge of the game of tennis. He brings to the table a hardcore mentality and believes in pushups and footwork drills, he even brings his boom-box so we can have a more motivated practice. Hopefully this new attitude will influence the very young varsity team. Priory Tennis graduated

    The Rebels are really looking forward to showing what they have on the track (and field) this year returning many seasoned veterans across the board. The three main categories of track are listed below with their outlooks.

    Long Distance After many injuries last year in the long distance squad, they are looking to recover with great strides. In the 800m run there are three great runners looking to dominate the field - Doug Brooking, Niall Caparon, and Kevin Hess. All of them ran under 2:10 last year, even with many injuries so they are certainly hoping to improve and run under the 2:05 marks. The 4x800m relay is also looking hopeful as Chad Huber and Kyle Hill look to fill the fourth (Continued on page 7) (Continued on page 7) (Continued on page 7)

  • Advertising is the corporate brainwashing that makes the world go round. The capitalistic, mind washing, anti-people, anti minority, anti-multicultural, anti- well just insert your words here (or talk to Charlie). Yet it still manages to be amusing so it can't all be bad, right? Thus this week's column is a celebration of all the great ads of our lifetime, the ads that truly warmed our hearts and brought mirth to our lives. Small correction, it would be about those ads if I was not a hard-hearted cynic who only lives to mock the world around me. However, before I begin I have to address some complaints I have been getting about my editorial tone and its unfortunate side effects of seeming arrogant and always right. Well guess what guys, I am an editorial columnist, I am always right.

    1: Head On: Head On, hit your forehead, Head On, hit your forehead. It is just so ludicrously irritating you have to sit back and wonder how the heck the company came up with it. The worst part is that Head On is essentially wax, with only one part in a billion being active ingredients. It is absolutely useless, and its ads cause more migraines that the medicine can ever solve.2: Go Daddy: These commercials are not so much irritating as just plain stupid. They rely on the fact that most men are attracted to women. That's pretty much it. The worst thing is is that they don't even try to be funny, they are formulaic and repetitive. They are just 30 seconds of stupid lead in, after which you have to go online to see the rest. Plus, Go Daddy is not even that great of a web host, the only reason they have boomed is due to the fools who think that because attractive women use this website, so should you.3: Budweiser Clydesdales: These are supposed to be heartwarming family fun, stories about love, friendship, and compassion. From the same company that brought the two models fighting in concrete over whether Bud

    Light or regular was better. Argh. We don't watch tv to see tripe like this, we watch tv to see bloodshed, wild parties, and people who believe being a professional diginity loser is a valid career (sorry to break it you guys, it isn't, and believe me I know about losing my dignity). Save the heartwarming for flashback scenes.4: Geico Money Stack: This is one of the dumbest commercials I have ever seen, it is something that measures several mega-toads on the unfunny scale. It is just a stupid stack of money with googly eyes. That's it, they don't try anything new, just a bloody stack of money. The money you could be saving with Geico. Or spending on gasoline and maps to the advertising agency which made this idiotic spot.5: Hardee's Thickburger: I am going to be b r i e f , t h e w o m e n f e a t u r e d i n t h o s e commercials in states of relative undress do not eat burgers like that. In fact, I sincerely doubt they eat at all.

    Arbitrarily Judgementalitastic: The five best advertisements on TV...

    Alexandre Todorov, 10Weekly Editorial Writer

    Friday, March 12, 2010Volume 40, Issue 21

    EditorialsThe Record - The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School

    The Record StaffEditor in Chief:

    Patrick R. Mulvihill, 10

    Layout Editor:

    Chad E. Huber, 10

    Content Editor:

    Sean J. Lamb, 10

    Editorials Editor:

    Mike Haueisen, 10Entertainment Editor:

    Quinn Underriner, 10Opinions Editor:

    Kevin Hess, 11Sports Editor:

    David Taiclet, 11

    Faculty Moderator:

    Mrs. Barbara K. Sams

    In this issue...

    Patrick Mulvihill, 10

    Chad Huber, 10

    Sean Lamb, 10

    Alex Todorov, 10

    John Notter, 10

    Dan Ohmes, 10

    Matt Keating, 11

    Peter Jochens, 11

    Fr. Ralph Wright, OSB

    The Record is the official student publication of Saint Louis Priory School in St. Louis, Missouri. It is produced by student editors/staff members. Its purpose is threefold: to inform students of events in the community; to encourage discussion of local, national, and international issues; and to serve as a training ground for budding journalists, photographers, and graphic designers. The Record accepts contributions from all members o f the Pr iory community , including students, faculty, and alumni. The Record will not publish content considered legally unprotected speech, including but not limited to: libel, copyright infringement, unwarranted invasion of privacy, or material disruption of the educational process. Student editors apply professional standards to the production of the newspaper and are solely responsible for all content, both explicit and implicit. Letters to the Editors are always appreciated. Feedback not intended for publication is also welcome.

    The Record Disclaimer

    Did you notice, Flunk, said Deaconess Dawn (Glory to her friends) excitedly one morning as she was enjoying a coffee and cinnamon roll with him at the Bread Company in Creve Coeur, Did you notice how President Obama quoted the Golden Rule in his Nobel Peace prize address last December in Oslo? What did he say? asked Flunk beginning to show real interest as he unravelled part of his roll, broke it off and dipped it into his coffee. ..the one rule that lies at the heart of every major religion is that we do unto others as we would have them do unto us said Dawn. If you remember that the Geneva convention insisted that this includes the child in the womb then you have here a radical Pro-Life statement! Youre right, Glory, but how easily statements like that get overlooked by the media. They e d i t

    Father Ralph Wright, O.S.B.Pro-Life Club

    Flunks U-Pod Congress

    (Continued on top of next page)

  • them away before the text hits the web and you have to google Whole Text if you want to get at the full speech and the unspun message. You know, went on Flunk that reminds me of something one of the Priory students wrote the other day and which has been brewing in my mind ever since someone showed it to me. I think it might be the focus of our next congress. Spit it out, Flunk, said Dawn encouragingly, Weve not had a good congress since the ERIN project at Cairo, Egypt two years ago brought all those solar operated desalination plants to the north african coast. Well, to paraphrase what the student wrote when asked how he would go about restoring legal protection in our country to our unborn kids, he wrote: When 3D color ultrasound cameras are available cheap and every home has one, the problem will take care of itself! Wow!, said Gloria, clearly beginning to bubble with excitement. So whats your take on this? Well, G, (Flunk called her G when he was thinking fast to save time and space.) Im all for calling a world congress in Seattle, bringing the various -pod gurus together to set up think tanks on this challenge. Seattle? asked Dawn O ye