fractal enlightenment _ 7 things self-actualized people don’t do
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4/15/2014 Fractal Enlightenment | 7 Things Self-actualized People Don’t Do
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7 Things Self-actualized People Don’t Do
Gary Z McGee April 14, 2014 Life 0
“Human beings are not born once and for all on the
day their mothers give birth to them. Life obliges
them over and over again to give birth to
themselves.” –Gabriel García Márquez
The term “self-actualization” was originally coined by
the theorist Kurt Goldstein for the motive of realizing
one’s full potential, but was brought fully to light by
Abram Maslow in his hierarchy of needs theory of
human development. Essentially self-actualization is
the prominent feeling of being fully alive and aware of
what it means to be a meaning-bringing creature in an
otherwise meaningless universe.
It is the self-realization of one’s individuated maturity in balance with an interdependent spirit. Self-
actualized people have a healthy perception of reality and practice healthy habits. Here are seven things
self-actualized people don’t do in order to achieve their most authentic self.
1) They don’t fear change
“Nature will not let us stay in any one
place for too long. She will let us stay
just long enough to gather the
experience necessary to the unfolding
and advancement of the soul. This is a
wise provision, for should we stay there
too long, we would become too set, too
rigid, too inflexible. Nature demands
change in order that we may advance.”
–Ernest Holmes
Self-actualized people realize that there
is no permanence. Everything changes.
And that’s the beauty of it. It’s because
things change, because things begin, because things grow and blossom and wilt and die and grow again
that there is such a thing as beauty to begin with. It is exactly because things end that things are so
beautiful while they’re here. Everything is more precious to the self-actualized person precisely because
everything is fleeting and transitory. They don’t fear change, they change fear. They are flexible and adept
at adapting to the many vicissitudes of life.
2.) They don’t waste energy on
things they can’t control
“Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t
care about someone anymore. It’s just
“What a man can be, he must be. This need we call Self-
actualization.”
Wayne Dyer
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4/15/2014 Fractal Enlightenment | 7 Things Self-actualized People Don’t Do
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care about someone anymore. It’s just
realizing that the only person you really
have control over is yourself.” –Deborah
Reber
Self-actualized people understand that
not everything is under their control.
And that’s okay. For the same reason
that you put an oxygen mask on yourself
before a child, you need to discover a
Locus of Control before attempting to control the locusts, the “locusts” being a metaphor for “everything
else.” Self-actualized people realize that they can’t control people. They can only teach people and hope
those people learn. They can’t control fate.
They do, however, understand that they have control over their attitude, and choose to place their energy
into adapting their attitude to a situation rather than complaining about how things are not working out.
They discover that by changing their attitude they are more likely to create a positive outcome. But even
if they can’t, at least they have the satisfaction of having tried something positive.
3) They don’t feel unworthy
“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is
not an act, but a habit.” –Aristotle
Self-actualized people never feel sorry for themselves.
There’s no point. They realize that self-pity is poison.
Worthiness is a matter of attitude, and they have the
right attitude. They make being worthy a habit, and
they practice it every single day. They don’t worry
about how other people treat them.
They are not concerned with circumstance. They are
only concerned with how they manage their own
worth in regard to others and to circumstance. They
understand that nobody else gets to dictate their own
worth. Worthiness is a choice, and they have simply
chosen to be worthy.
4) They don’t fear taking risks
“I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Being willing
is not enough; we must do.” – Leonardo da Vinci
Self-actualized people understand that living a
full life requires stepping outside of their
comfort zone. There’s adventure on the other
side of those walls we put up in order to
maintain our comfort, and self-actualized
people are determined to leap those walls in
pursuit of higher fulfillment.
They seek to test the limits of the human spirit.
They are not reckless or foolish risk-takers,
however. They are calculative and
circumspect about their risk-taking. They have
a proper orientation between fear and shame.
They can extend the limits of what’s possible without fear, because they are proactive and courageous
about transforming boundaries into horizons.
5) They don’t have a sense of entitlement
“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.” –
Mark Twain
Self-actualized people don’t feel the world owes them anything. What they get, they earn. If they should
get something they didn’t earn, they are appreciative and never take it for granite. They don’t just assume
that other people will take care of them. Rather, they take care of themselves and “let the chips fall where
they may.”
They don’t suffer from unhealthy expectations. They also don’t need immediate gratification,
understanding that sometimes the best things in life take time to develop. They don’t resent the success of
other people. Instead, they are happy for other people, and tend to learn from both the successes and
the mistakes of others.
6) They don’t see setbacks as
“setbacks”
“Do not pray for an easy life, pray for
the strength to endure a difficult one.” –
Bruce Lee
Self-actualized people seek opportunity
in every obstacle. Every failed attempt
can be used as a stepping stone for the
next attempt. And no matter how many
attempts it takes, self-actualized people
Locus of Control
Worthy
Take risks
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4/15/2014 Fractal Enlightenment | 7 Things Self-actualized People Don’t Do
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attempts it takes, self-actualized people
don’t quit. They don’t agonize over past
mistakes. They don’t cling to the past.
And they definitely don’t hold onto resentment.
They are very present and centered, especially during setbacks. They understand that through mistakes
they can become wise, but only if they learn from those mistakes. But they also don’t make the same
mistake over and over again. They make new mistakes, understanding that trial and error is the mother of
all invention. They intuitively understand the meaning of the Zen proverb: “The obstacle is the path.”
7) They don’t let negative thoughts control them
“If you want to awaken all of humanity, then awaken
all of yourself, if you want to eliminate the suffering in
the world, then eliminate all that is negative in
yourself. Truly, the greatest gift you have to give is
that of your own self-transformation.” –Lao Tzu
Self-actualized people never assume the worst.
Instead, they hope for the best and prepare for the
worst. They know that they can adapt and overcome
anything that comes their way. They understand that
negative thoughts can hijack their perspective if they
allow them to, so they are ever-vigilant and cognizant
of how their perception of reality is affecting reality.
At the same time, they don’t resist the truth of reality.
If a situation is negative, or it is creating a negative emotion, they embrace the moment and the emotion
and then they transform that emotion into a positive one, thereby transforming the situation into a positive
one. They are also adept at transforming the negative energy of past traumas into positive energy for the
present moment. They have learned, as Sogyal Rinpoche teaches, “What we have to learn in both
meditation and in life is to be free of attachment to the good experiences and free of aversion to the
negative ones.”
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By Gary Z McGee
Gary 'Z' McGee, a former Navy Intelligence Specialist turned philosopher, is the author ofBirthday Suit of God and The Looking Glass Man. His works are inspired by the greatphilosophers of the ages and his wide awake view of the modern world.
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