forgiveness workshop

7/26/2019 Forgiveness Workshop

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Forgiveness

Forgivenessis the intentional and voluntary process by which avictim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an of-

fense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an in-

creased ability to wish the offender well. -wiki

Forgiveness is one of the most

metabolically powerful acts we can do.

-Marc David

Our spiritual evolution has a

major impact on the body


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WHY FORGIVE?The quality of human life on the planet is nothing more than the sum total of

our daily interactions. Forgiveness is the way we mend tears in the social

fabric. It is the way we stop our human community from unraveling.

- Desmond Tutu and Mpho TutuThe Book of Forgiving

Archbishop DESMOND M. TUTU won the Nobel Peace Prize in 1984 and the Templeton Prize in 2013

and was the founding chair of The Elders*from 2007 to 2013. In 20009 he received the Presidential

Medal of Freedom. In 1994, Tutu was appointed chair of South

Africas Truth and Reconciliation Commission, where he

pioneered a new way for countries to move forward after

experiencing civil conflict and oppression.

The Reverend MPHO A. TUTU is currently the executive director of

the Desmond & Leah Tutu Legacy Foundation. **

*The Elders are an independent group of global leaders working together for

peace and human rights.

**The Desmond and Leah Tutu Legacy Foundation, established in Cape Town,

South Africa, harnesses, consolidates, preserves and propagates the values,

principles and mission of its founders to contribute sustainably to the creation ofa more compassionate world.

It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only

to futility and unhappiness. -Big Book pg 66


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Without forgiveness we remain tethered to the person who harmed us.

-Desmond Tutu and Mpho Tutu, The Book of Forgiving

In careful scientific studies, forgiveness training has been shown to reduce depression,

increase hopefulness, decrease anger, improve spiritual connection, (and) increase

emotional self-confidence.

-Fred Luskin, Forgive for Good

Medical and psychological studies have also shown that a person holding on to anger

and resentment is at an increased risk for anxiety, depression, and insomnia, and is more

likely to suffer from high blood pressure, ulcers, migraines, backaches, heart attack, and

even cancer.


Resentment that is long held can eat away at the body and become the dis-ease we call

cancer. I have found that forgiving and releasing resentment will dissolve even cancer.

While this may sound simplistic, I have seen and experienced it working.

-Louise Hay, You Can Heal Your Life

Our biology evolves as our soul evolves. As you learn your soul lessons your biology

changes accordingly. You become more free. You have more circulation. You have more

relaxation response.-Marc David

In this world you are given as you give. And you are forgiven as you forgive. While you go

your way through each lovely day, you create your future as you live.

-Peace Pilgrim

Ultimately, forgiveness is a choice we make, and the ability to forgive others comes from

the recognition that we are all flawed and all human. We all have made mistakes andharmed others. We will again. We find it easier to practice forgiveness when we can

recognize that the roles could have been reversed. Each of us could have been the

perpetrator rather than the victim. Each of us has the capacity to commit the wrongs

against others that were committed against us.


To err is human to forgive divine. Alexander Pope


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Is there anyone who doesnt deserve forgiveness?

Let us condemn ghastly acts, but let us never relinquish the hope that

the doers of the most heinous deeds can and may change.


Forgiveness does not erase accountability. It is not about turning a blind

eye or even turning the other cheek. It is not about letting someone off

the hook or saying it is okay to do something monstrous. Forgiveness is

simply about understanding that every one of us is both inherently good

and inherently flawed. Within every hopeless situation and everyseemingly hopeless person lies the possibility of transformation.



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People we may want to forgive:

Parents

Children

Siblings

Spouses (or former spouses)

Friends

Women

Men

Institutions

Politicians Terrorists

Criminals

Anyone who done you wrong

Yourself


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It starts with a willingness to start the

journey.

Part of the cure is the willingness

to heal.-Seneca


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What Forgiveness is NOT Its not easyit requires hard work and a consistent

willingness Forgiveness is not weaknessit requires courage and

strength

Forgiveness does not subvert justiceit creates

space for justice to be enacted with a purity of

purpose that does not include revenge.

Forgiveness is not forgettingit requires a fearless

remembering of hurt.

Forgiveness is not quickit can take several journeys

through the cycles of remembering and grief before

one can truly forgive and be free.-Desmond Tutu and Mpho Tutu, The Book of Forgiving


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Im sorry.

Please forgive me.Thank you.

I love you.-Hooponopono


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IDEA 1

The Fourfold Path

1.Telling the Story

2. Naming the Hurt

3. Granting Forgiveness

4.Renewing or Releasing the relationship

-The Book of Forgiving


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IDEA 2

9 Steps to Forgiveness

1. Know exactly how you feel about what happened and be able to articulate what about the situation isnot OK. Then, tell a trusted couple of people about your experience.

2. Make a commitment to yourself to do what you have to do to feel better. Forgiveness is for you and not

for anyone else.

3. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation with the person that hurt you, or condoning of

their action. What you are after is to find peace. Forgiveness can be defined as the peace and

understanding that come from blaming that which has hurt you less, taking the life experience less

personally, and changing your grievance story.

4. Get the right perspective on what is happening. Recognize that your primary distress is coming from the

hurt feelings, thoughts and physical upset you are suffering now, not what offended you or hurt you two

minutesor ten yearsago. Forgiveness helps to heal those hurt feelings.

5. At the moment you feel upset practice a simple stress management technique to soothe your bodys

flight or fight response.

6. Give up expecting things from other people, or your life, that they do not choose to give you.

Recognize the unenforceable rules you have for your health or how you or other people must

behave. Remind yourself that you can hope for health, love, peace and prosperity and work hard to

get them.

7. Put your energy into looking for another way to get your positive goals met than through the

experience that has hurt you. Instead of mentally replaying your hurt seek out new ways to get what

you want.

8. Remember that a life well lived is your best revenge. Instead of focusing on your wounded feelings, and

thereby giving the person who caused you pain power over you, learn to look for the love, beauty and

kindness around you. Forgiveness is about personal power.

9. Amend your grievance story to remind you of the heroic choice to forgive.

Dr. Fred LuskinForgive for Good


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IDEA 3

12-Step process

Talk to a safe person about working the

steps around forgiveness (aka Resentment)Resentment(also called ranklementor bitterness), not classified among Paul Ekman's six basic

emotions of surprise,disgust,happiness,sadness,anger,and fear,is the foundation of hatred.

Resentment comprises the three basic emotions of disgust,sadness and surprise -the perception

of injustice. Resentment is a mixture of disappointment,anger,and fear. As the surprise of

injustice becomes less frequent, so too does anger and fear fade -leaving disappointment as the

predominant emotion.So, to the extent perceived disgust and sadness remain, so too does the

level of disappointment remain. - Wiki
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Ekmanhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotion#Basic_emotionshttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotion#Basic_emotionshttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surprise_%28emotion%29https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disgusthttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Happinesshttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sadnesshttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Angerhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fearhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foundationalismhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hatredhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disgusthttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sadnesshttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surprise_%28emotion%29https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perceptionhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Injusticehttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disappointmenthttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Angerhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fearhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surprise_%28emotion%29https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Injusticehttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Angerhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fearhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disappointmenthttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotionhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disgusthttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sadnesshttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disappointmenthttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disappointmenthttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sadnesshttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disgusthttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotionhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disappointmenthttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fearhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Angerhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Injusticehttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surprise_%28emotion%29https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fearhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Angerhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disappointmenthttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Injusticehttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perceptionhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surprise_%28emotion%29https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sadnesshttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disgusthttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hatredhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foundationalismhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fearhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Angerhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sadnesshttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Happinesshttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disgusthttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surprise_%28emotion%29https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotion#Basic_emotionshttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotion#Basic_emotionshttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Ekman


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IDEA 4

Louise Hay Meditations

You can Heal Your Life, page 90-93


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SELF-FORGIVENESS KEY POINTS

We become imprisoned in the past when we do not forgive ourselves

for past mistakes.

If you have not sought forgiveness from your victim, do so.

Forgiving yourself will be easier after you have sought forgiveness from

your victim.

We do not heal in isolation. Connecting with others is how we develop

compassion for others and for ourselves.


Forgiveness is the most powerful thing that you can do for your physiology and your

spirituality. Yet, it remains one of the least attractive things to us, largely because

our egos rule so unequivocally. To forgive is somehow associated with saying that itis all right, that we accept the evil deed. But this is not forgiveness. Forgiveness

means that you fill yourself with love and you radiate that love outward and refuse to

hang onto the venom or hatred that was engendered by the behaviors that caused thewounds.~ Wayne Dyer
http://www.purposefairy.com/6777/15-life-changing-lessons-to-learn-from-wayne-dyer/http://www.purposefairy.com/6777/15-life-changing-lessons-to-learn-from-wayne-dyer/


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1. Think of the things that you must give up or let go of

in order to forgive. This could include things like the right to revenge or theexpectation of an apology or the idea of perfection from yourself (and others)


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2. Write the Story of how you were wronged

Forgiveness Story Websites

www.theforgivenessproject.com

www.forgivenessfoundation.org

www.projectforgive.com


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3. Name the Hurt. Write the feelings and emotions that

you experienced (keep experiencing?)


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4. Moving from Victim to Hero Can you find ways this

experience has made you stronger? Made you grow?

Given you compassion for others? Write your story

again as the Hero.


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Renewing or Releasing the Relationship

The preference is always to renew unless there is a question of safety.

Ask for what you need from the perpetrator in order to renew or

release the relationship.

You may need an apology, an explanation, a tangible object or to

never see that person again.

Look at your part in any conflict.

When you renew a relationship, it is stronger for what you have beenthrough, but it is always different.

By renewing or releasing a relationship you free yourself from

victimhood and trauma.



19/19

Its one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody.

~ Maya Angelou

Ubuntu says that we all have a part in creating a society that creates a

perpetrator; therefore, I have a part not only in every conflict I may find

myself in personally, but in every conflict happening right now in my

family, in my community, in my nation, and around the globe. Thisthought may seem overwhelming. The gift hidden in the challenge of

Ubuntu is that we dont need to walk the corridors of power to build

peace. Each of us can create a more peaceful world from wherever in

the world we each stand.

http://www.purposefairy.com/70194/21-life-changing-lessons-to-learn-from-maya-angelou/http://www.purposefairy.com/70194/21-life-changing-lessons-to-learn-from-maya-angelou/

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