[Warning: This is the unexpurgated (read: slightly modified, though not necessarily improved) version of Brooke and Casey’s Father of the Bride Wedding Toast. Sticklers for historical accuracy will have to rely on their own memories of what actually transpired. For reasons that will be quickly obvious, this is best viewed with a crowd of roughly 120 mostly 20-Somethings, a large majority of whom are fierce Red Soxloyalists, rabid Tar Heel fans and/or Democrats—ideally all three. An unknown, but apparently non-negligible fraction of this rowdy group almost certainly had BAC levels in excess of legally permitted limits for driving—not that there’s anything wrong with that… This show is SUPPOSED to advance from slide to slide automatically, but in reality, you may occasionally have to click ENTER to move to the next slide. Enjoy.]

Father of the BrideWedding Toast

Christopher J. Conover, Ph.D.

Center for Health Policy

Duke Universit y

The Caldwell Wedding Reception

The Barn at Valhalla

December 27, 2008

• Father of the Bride (1950): Spencer Tracy

• Father of the Bride (1991): Steve Martin

• Father of the Bride Part II (1995): Steve Martin II

• Betsy’s Wedding (1990): Alan Alda

• My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002): Michael Constantine

• The In-Laws (2003): Albert Brooks

• Meet the Fockers (2004): Robert De Niro

• The Wedding Crashers (2005): Christopher Walken

* It is an astonishing, but little-known fact that many popular wedding movies have no role for the

father of the bride, including Muriel’s Wedding, The Wedding Planner, Four Weddings and a Funeral, and My Best Friend’s Wedding.

Acknowledgements*

Outline of Toast

• Ground Rules– No juggling of knives, bowling balls or chainsaws – Don’t mortify Brooke

– Don’t be un-PC

• The Toast– Brooke: Practice makes perfect

– Casey: Father of the bride’s dilemma

• Conclusions and Policy Implications

Qualifications and ExperienceRare Footage of Dr C in a Street

Performance (Venice, CA)Together We Can Fight Global

Warming: Yes, We Can!

Maria and Molly’s Video Montage can be viewed here:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=833045513865270072

Bee-Bug’s Life as Told Through Holiday Cards

Exploding the Myth of the “Conover Procrastination Gene:”

A Post-Modern Assessment

“The [so-called] “Conover Procrastination Gene” is a mythical beast.”

James Thurber, The New Yorker (October 31, 1939)

Brooke’s Life as Told In Her Birthday Suit

YouTube--Tufts Naked Quad Run http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cW3sZUHZM9o

The Iron Law of Genius

• Malcolm Gladwell: The 10,000 Hour Rule

• But …..– Didn’t your mama tell you “practice makes perfect?

– And didn’t Thomas Edison say: “Genius is 1 percent inspiration, ninety-nine percent perspiration” ?

– And wasn’t it Woody Allen who riffed: “Eighty percent of success is showing up”?

• Apparently recycling sometimes does work! Malcolm Gladwell is a genius!

Brooke Has Prepared for this Day Her Entire Life!

Disclaimer: While based on actual events, this is a historical reconstruction based on a single individual’s recollection. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, obviously is intended rather than coincidental,. However, the author cannot take responsibility for any minor deviations between his recollection and the actual content of words spoken (especially since some question whether there is any “objective” reality at all).

Note: No live animals were harmed in the making of this slide.

How Brooke Got 10,000 Hours of Wedding Experience

Brooke Has Practiced All Mission-Critical Elements of Wedding Receptions

How Brooke Amassed 10,000 Hours of Child Care ExperienceSit EarlySit Early

Co-opt the CompetitionThe More the Merrier

Sit OftenSit Often Sit Sit AnyoneAnyone

Abby Says: It’s True. Blondes Are More Fun!

Abby Azia

Flower GirlExtraordinaire

Practice Makes Perfect!

Brooke’s Lifelong Fetish: Men with Beards

Father-in-Law Advice to Casey

Like Father, Like Son?

Just Don’t Misbehave Like Uncle Allen

Seriously, Casey, Keep an Eye on Uncle Allen!

Casey, I swear I’m not making this up: this is NOT

Photoshopped!

Hunting More Foxes on the Dance Floor

The Casey Jinx on the New York Yankees

0

5

10

15

20

25

30

1901 1911 1921 1931 1941 1951 1961 1971 1981 1991 2001Tota

l Wor

ld S

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ampi

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ips

Before Casey: Yanks win 27 World Series in just 80 years!!!!After Casey: Yanks win 0 World Series in 8 years

Before Casey: Curse of the Bambino Lasts 86 Years!!!!

Brooke decides Caseyis her Prince CharmingOctober 27, 2000

After Casey: Sox Increase Series Wins by 40%!!!!

2004: Curse of Bambino (Finally) Ends

The Casey Jinx on the Duke Blue Devils

Before Casey: Blue Devils win 3 NCAA titles in just 11 years!!!!

After Casey: Blue Devils win 0 NCAA titles over 7 years

Before Casey: UNC takes 26 years to garner 3 titles

Casey Becomes UNC Grad Student: Fall 2004

After Casey: Carolina increases NCAA title total by 33%

April 2005: Roy Williams (Finally) Wins a National Title

The Casey Jinx on the Republican Party

50 5160

50 48GOP

Share of

Total

Before Casey After Casey

J.G. Wentworth Brings Sad News to Casey

If you want to hear an authentic rendering of

It’s your money: use it when you need it! Click Here.

Truth in Advertising Disclaimer: Apologies inadvance for my being unable to replicate my father’smellifluous baritone. Until I figure out a way to getfrom him an mp3 file rendering of the verse you hearquoted, the voice you hear is a poor imitation.

What if Your Daughter Wanted to Marry Any of These Bearded Men?

GenghisKhan

Grigori Rasputin*

VladimirLenin

FidelCastro

* Also known as the “Mad Monk” and “Antichrist.” Viewers can’t seriously expectme to resolve in a brief wedding toast whether Rasputin actually was (as some claimed), “saintly mystic, visionary, healer and prophet” or instead the “debauched religious charlatan” (as asserted by others). He had a great beard: he belongs on this list. Those who disagree can write their own wedding toasts…

Wouldn’t You Owe Her at Least a Little Due Diligence?*

*If you don’t know what due diligence is, please contact Maria Lapetina: she would dearly love her investment in UNC School of Law to be good for something!

Casey’s an Engineer!

BS, Environmental EngineeringTufts University, 2004

Roger Conover BS, Civil EngineeringU.S. Military Academy

at West Point, 1948

Greg Peach(married to oldest sister

Lynn: pity the man!)

Allen Butturini(married to youngest

sister Sara: Yes, THAT Uncle Allen)

Other Engineers in Conover Family (what’s with engineers and beards???)

This is NowThat was Then

Casey: Cook Extraordinaire

A Man Who Can Cook Can’t be All Bad

Casey: Volleyballer Extraordinaire

A Man Who Can Play Volleyball Can’t be All Bad

Casey: The Dog Whisperer

Overcoming Brooke’s Dog Phobia

The Cure for Dog Phobia:A Dog with People Phobia!

• Name: Zaney• Rhymes with “insaney”• Diagnosis:

– Hyper ADHD– Neurosis– Psychosis– Barkus grandiosis– Halitosis de poopus equinus

• Prescription: TLC

A Man Who Likes Dogs Can’t be All Bad

Conclusions and Policy Implications

• Conclusions– Brooke: insanely prepared– Casey: a partner extraordinaire

– Zaney: head full of air

• Policy Implications: they all will live happily ever after (p=.0000001)