family matters presentation sept

Welcome To Family Welcome To Family MattersMatters

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19 September 201019 September 2010ROFCROFC

Psalm 127:1Psalm 127:1

Building New BridgesBuilding New BridgesTowards A Better CommunicationTowards A Better Communication

in our Marriagein our Marriage

Presented by: MVKPresented by: MVK

Results Of Survey Done at TFTResults Of Survey Done at TFTReflecting Challenges in MarriagesReflecting Challenges in Marriages Communication – 38.27%Communication – 38.27%

Finances – 29%Finances – 29% Spirituality – 28%Spirituality – 28% Children – 18.5%Children – 18.5% Neutrality – 16.04%Neutrality – 16.04% Sexual – 9.87%Sexual – 9.87%

FAMILY MATTERS DIFFERENT FAMILY MATTERS DIFFERENT VIEWS SURVEY ON VIEWS SURVEY ON COMMUNICATIONCOMMUNICATION

5 QUESTIONS WERE GIVEN ABOUT 5 QUESTIONS WERE GIVEN ABOUT COMMUNICATIONCOMMUNICATION

300 FORMS ISSUED300 FORMS ISSUED 277 PROPERLY FILLED277 PROPERLY FILLED 23 RUINED23 RUINED

QUESTION 1QUESTION 1

[[AA] YOU CAN ONLY SOLVE A PROBLEM BY ] YOU CAN ONLY SOLVE A PROBLEM BY ACTING ON IT, TALK IS A WASTE OF TIMEACTING ON IT, TALK IS A WASTE OF TIME

[[BB] YOU CAN BEST SOLVE A PROBLEM BY ] YOU CAN BEST SOLVE A PROBLEM BY TALKING IT THROUGHTALKING IT THROUGH

ANSWERSANSWERS A - 29A - 29 B - 248B - 248


[A][A] WORDS CAN BE USED FOR EFFECT. WORDS CAN BE USED FOR EFFECT. EXAGGERATION IS JUST A WAY TO MAKE A EXAGGERATION IS JUST A WAY TO MAKE A POINTPOINT

[B][B] WORDS ARE TO BE USED CAREFULLY WORDS ARE TO BE USED CAREFULLY AND NOT WASTEDAND NOT WASTED

ANSWERSANSWERSA - 53A - 53

B - 224B - 224


[A][A] YOUR PROBLEM IS MY PROBLEM YOUR PROBLEM IS MY PROBLEM

[B][B] SOMETIMES WE DON’T HAVE TO SOMETIMES WE DON’T HAVE TO INTERFERE IN OTHERS AFFAIRSINTERFERE IN OTHERS AFFAIRS

ANSWERSANSWERSA - 229A - 229

B - 48 B - 48


[A][A] IT IS BEST TO TALK ABOUT A MATTER IT IS BEST TO TALK ABOUT A MATTER EVERY TIMEEVERY TIME

[B][B] SOME THINGS HAVE TO BE LEFT TO SOME THINGS HAVE TO BE LEFT TO SORT THEMSELVESSORT THEMSELVES

ANSWERS ANSWERS

A - 230A - 230

B - 47B - 47


[A][A] WE NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT WE NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT EACH OTHEREACH OTHER

[B][B] WE NEED TO BE HAPPY WITH WHAT THE WE NEED TO BE HAPPY WITH WHAT THE OTHER TOLD US AND NEVER ASK FOR OTHER TOLD US AND NEVER ASK FOR MOREMORE

ANSWERSANSWERSA - 223A - 223B - 54B - 54

THE NUMBER ONE CHALLENGE THE NUMBER ONE CHALLENGE WITH COMMUNICATING WITH WITH COMMUNICATING WITH OTHERS IS THAT WE ALL SEE OTHERS IS THAT WE ALL SEE

THE WORLD AND MOST THINGS THE WORLD AND MOST THINGS DIFFERENTLYDIFFERENTLY

BECAUSEBECAUSEWE ARE ACTUALLY DIFFERENTWE ARE ACTUALLY DIFFERENT

And The ONLY Reason Most And The ONLY Reason Most PeoplePeople

end up seeing things from The end up seeing things from The same point of view is Simply same point of view is Simply

becausebecauseThey AGREE to do so, so thatThey AGREE to do so, so that

they may ACHIEVE certain goalsthey may ACHIEVE certain goalsand this does not take away and this does not take away

their being Differenttheir being DifferentAmos 3:3Amos 3:3

AND EVEN THOUGH THEYAND EVEN THOUGH THEYREMAIN DIFFERENTREMAIN DIFFERENT

Every time they tackle issuesEvery time they tackle issuesthey ARM themselves with the same they ARM themselves with the same

Mentality and perspective that is Mentality and perspective that is needed for the needed for the

common purpose of achieving the common purpose of achieving the goal at handgoal at hand

This makes it easy for them This makes it easy for them

THE TOWER OF BABELTHE TOWER OF BABELGenesis 11:6Genesis 11:6

The Lord said, "If as one people The Lord said, "If as one people speaking the same language they speaking the same language they

have begun to do this, then nothing have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible they plan to do will be impossible

for them”.for them”.

Results Of Survey Done at TFTResults Of Survey Done at TFTReflecting Challenges in Marriages Reflecting Challenges in Marriages

Communication – 38.27%Communication – 38.27% Finances – 29%Finances – 29%Spirituality – 28%Spirituality – 28%Children – 18.5%Children – 18.5%Neutrality – 16.04%Neutrality – 16.04%Sexual – 9.87%Sexual – 9.87%

Since Communication is The Since Communication is The main Culprit I have opted tomain Culprit I have opted to

Rephrase all The above Rephrase all The above Challenges and interpret Challenges and interpret

them as followsthem as follows

My reason for this is because My reason for this is because there are other there are other

couples who have exactly the couples who have exactly the same challenges same challenges

but they are able to tackle thembut they are able to tackle themusing better Communicationusing better Communication

methods than the othersmethods than the others

Instead of – Financial ProblemsInstead of – Financial Problemscan we use – Lack of Proper can we use – Lack of Proper Communication in FinancesCommunication in Finances

THE BIG QUESTIONTHE BIG QUESTIONis it Possible that some couples is it Possible that some couples use their Finances as a means of use their Finances as a means of

communication in their communication in their MarriagesMarriages

Instead of – Problems Instead of – Problems about Children can we use about Children can we use

Lack of Proper Communication Lack of Proper Communication about how to react toabout how to react to

challenges posed by childrenchallenges posed by children

BIG QUESTIONBIG QUESTIONis it possible that some couples useis it possible that some couples use

their children as a means of their children as a means of communicationcommunication

Instead of – Neutrality Instead of – Neutrality can we use can we use

Lack of Communicating one’sLack of Communicating one’sfeelings or standpointfeelings or standpoint

THE BIG QUESTIONTHE BIG QUESTION

is it possible that some people is it possible that some people use Neutrality as a means of use Neutrality as a means of

communicating with their partnerscommunicating with their partners

Instead of – Spiritual ProblemsInstead of – Spiritual Problemscan we use – Lack of Proper can we use – Lack of Proper

Spiritual CommunicationSpiritual Communication

THE BIG QUESTIONTHE BIG QUESTIONis it possible that some people use is it possible that some people use

their Spirituality or lack of ittheir Spirituality or lack of itas a means of communicatingas a means of communicating

with their partners with their partners

Instead of Sexual ProblemsInstead of Sexual Problemscan we use lack of proper sexual can we use lack of proper sexual

communicationcommunication

THE BIG QUESTIONTHE BIG QUESTIONis it possible that other people useis it possible that other people use

deprivation or provisiondeprivation or provisionof sex as a means to communicateof sex as a means to communicatetheir stand or feelings about other their stand or feelings about other

issuesissues

Divorces at Different YearsDivorces at Different Years

THE BIG QUESTIONTHE BIG QUESTION

CommunicationCommunication

Is it Is it Skill or Gift?Skill or Gift?

BETTER COMMUNICATIONBETTER COMMUNICATION

Research shows that about 80%Research shows that about 80%of problems don’t even have to be of problems don’t even have to be

solved when the couple talks solved when the couple talks through the issues and reaches through the issues and reaches

MUTUAL understandingMUTUAL understandingAnd only the Most difficult problems And only the Most difficult problems

will require the use of problem will require the use of problem solving methodssolving methods

PROBLEM SOLVING 1PROBLEM SOLVING 1

THE TWO MOST THE TWO MOST DANGEROUS WORDS DANGEROUS WORDS

TO AVOID WHEN TO AVOID WHEN TRYING TO SOLVE A TRYING TO SOLVE A

PROBLEMPROBLEMARE….ARE….

YOU ALWAYS!YOU ALWAYS!

AndAnd

YOU NEVER!YOU NEVER!


Make communication part of solutionMake communication part of solution Start the discussion in a positive wayStart the discussion in a positive way Use questions to invite the solutionUse questions to invite the solution Work on one problem at a timeWork on one problem at a time Keep the problem the problemKeep the problem the problem Find solutions togetherFind solutions together Agree to partner towards the solutionAgree to partner towards the solution


Listen don’t just hear what’s being saidListen don’t just hear what’s being said Make sure you understand the otherMake sure you understand the other If you don’t, ask for repetition If you don’t, ask for repetition Accept another’s EMOTIONSAccept another’s EMOTIONS Don’t jump to conclusionsDon’t jump to conclusions Don’t interpret what’s being said Don’t interpret what’s being said Be honest. Don’t say yes instead of noBe honest. Don’t say yes instead of no Show RESPECTShow RESPECT

BARRIERS TO EFFECTIVE BARRIERS TO EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATIONCOMMUNICATION

There will always be There will always be barriers to our effective barriers to our effective

communication and communication and these are based on a these are based on a

few thingsfew things

SUGGESTIONSUGGESTION

INSTEAD OF PROBLEMS INSTEAD OF PROBLEMS WHY NOT LOOK AT THEM WHY NOT LOOK AT THEM

AS PUZZLES?AS PUZZLES?

IT IS EASIER AND ITS IT IS EASIER AND ITS ALWAYS A PLEASURE TO ALWAYS A PLEASURE TO

DO PUZZLES THAN TO DO PUZZLES THAN TO SOLVE PROBLEMSSOLVE PROBLEMS

AFTER ALL WHO WANTS TO AFTER ALL WHO WANTS TO BE STUCK WITH APROBLEMBE STUCK WITH APROBLEM

Is it true that men and Is it true that men and women are not equal women are not equal

when it comes to when it comes to communicating?communicating?

The American Psychological The American Psychological Association Believes ThatAssociation Believes That

Men and women are not actually as differentMen and women are not actually as differentas we might think. A review of dozens of as we might think. A review of dozens of

studies found out that both sexes are studies found out that both sexes are basically alike when it comes to personality,basically alike when it comes to personality,

Thinking ability and leadershipThinking ability and leadershipThe differences that may exist may reflectThe differences that may exist may reflect

Social expectations and not BiologySocial expectations and not Biology

BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION 1BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION 1

Emotional barriers – this is mostly Emotional barriers – this is mostly based on Fear, Mistrust and based on Fear, Mistrust and Suspicion. NO one comes into Suspicion. NO one comes into marriage already armed with thesemarriage already armed with these

Cultural barriers – in this age of cross Cultural barriers – in this age of cross cultural marriages culture can be a cultural marriages culture can be a barrier. And we find ourselves faced barrier. And we find ourselves faced with having to do major cultural with having to do major cultural adjustmentsadjustments


Language barriers – in verbal Language barriers – in verbal communication language is not only communication language is not only speaking but also the level / intensity or speaking but also the level / intensity or altitude of speakingaltitude of speaking

Language is made up of different WORDSLanguage is made up of different WORDS

EXAMPLEEXAMPLE – There is Corporate language, – There is Corporate language, Military language, Street lingo. etc.Military language, Street lingo. etc.

Make sure you understand each otherMake sure you understand each other


Gender barriers – There are distinct Gender barriers – There are distinct differences between the speech differences between the speech patterns in Men and women patterns in Men and women

THE REASON IS BECAUSE WOMEN THE REASON IS BECAUSE WOMEN AND MEN’S BRAINS ARE WIRED AND MEN’S BRAINS ARE WIRED

DIFFERENTLYDIFFERENTLY


Men and women see the same things Men and women see the same things differently differently

Solve problems differentlySolve problems differently Approach challenges differentlyApproach challenges differently

THEREFORE THEY NEED TO KNOW THEREFORE THEY NEED TO KNOW HOW EACH FUNCTIONS AS THIS WILL HOW EACH FUNCTIONS AS THIS WILL HELP THEM IN SOLVING THINGSHELP THEM IN SOLVING THINGS


When a MAN talks, the speech is When a MAN talks, the speech is located in the LEFT side of the located in the LEFT side of the brain but in NO SPECIFIC areabrain but in NO SPECIFIC area

This means that a man talks in a This means that a man talks in a linear, logical and linear, logical and

compartmentalized way. compartmentalized way.

This is typical of left brain functionThis is typical of left brain function


When a WOMAN talks, the speech is When a WOMAN talks, the speech is located in BOTH hemispheres and in located in BOTH hemispheres and in

TWO specific locationsTWO specific locations

Women talk more freely mixing LOGICWomen talk more freely mixing LOGIC

and EMOTIONS. and EMOTIONS.

It also explains why women talk for It also explains why women talk for much longer than men much longer than men

FACTFACTA woman speaks between A woman speaks between

22,000 and 25,000 words a day22,000 and 25,000 words a day

A man speaks between 7,000 A man speaks between 7,000 and 10,000 words a dayand 10,000 words a day

This explains why women feel This explains why women feel that men don’t want to listen that men don’t want to listen

and men feel that women never and men feel that women never stop talkingstop talking

HOW TO GET YOUR PARTNER HOW TO GET YOUR PARTNER TO LISTEN 1TO LISTEN 1

Appreciation goes a long way – and Appreciation goes a long way – and everybody likes to be appreciated.everybody likes to be appreciated.

When you make your partner to feel When you make your partner to feel good about the few things they do good about the few things they do right and help them to overcome right and help them to overcome their disabilities you are most likely their disabilities you are most likely to witness a change in themto witness a change in them


Our partners are like vending Our partners are like vending machines – you must put something machines – you must put something in to get something out. in to get something out.

A little praise goes a long wayA little praise goes a long way

Instead of, “it was time you did Instead of, “it was time you did something too” something too”

Rather say “wow, Thank you” Rather say “wow, Thank you”


Always package what you say well, Always package what you say well, before saying itbefore saying it

Let them know that you love them. Let them know that you love them. Do it verbally and use other Methods Do it verbally and use other Methods as wellas well

Never stop datingNever stop dating Pray for one anotherPray for one another Show concern when they are Show concern when they are

challengedchallenged

FEAR GOD, AND DO HIS FEAR GOD, AND DO HIS WILL AND HE WILL WILL AND HE WILL

ESTABLISH YOU AS A ESTABLISH YOU AS A STRONG FAMILY STRONG FAMILY

MVKMVK

For a Complete Report About For a Complete Report About This WorkshopThis Workshop

Please visitPlease visit

http://montoedikotu.blogspot.comhttp://montoedikotu.blogspot.comFrom 21 September 2010From 21 September 2010

AND PLEASE FILL IN THE FEEDBACK FORMAND PLEASE FILL IN THE FEEDBACK FORMAND LEAVE IT ON THE TABLEAND LEAVE IT ON THE TABLE

family matters presentation sept

Spiritual

big question communication

means of communication

marriages communication

effective communication

use of problem

children big question

better communication

better communication