Factors Affecting Grief

Grief is the internal response that comes about as a result of bereavement, the loss of a loved one by death. Although grief is a uniquely personal experience, there are many factors that can affect the nature and intensity of one’s grief experience.

The primary factor is the degree of attachment to or significance of the deceased. It is generally agreed that the more we are attached, the more likely we are to more deeply experience the loss of him or her.

There are a number of factors that affect the grief experience:

1. The nature of the relationship with the deceased The strength and security level of the attachment The type of relationship:

o mother/father, child, sibling, grandparent/grandchild, friend, etc.,

o or a socially un-acknowledged or disenfranchised relationship, i.e. ex-spouse, extra-marital lover, homosexual relationship, pet, etc.

Any ambivalence or conflicts in the relationship Dependencies – emotional, financial, etc.

2. The type of death – circumstances surrounding the death (“death surround”) Natural, accidental, suicidal, or homicidal Suddenness or expectedness of the death Violent or traumatic death Multiple simultaneous deaths (or within a short time period) Was the death preventable, or believed to be so? Ambiguous death – not sure if s/he is dead or alive, i.e. MIA,

kidnapped, etc. Stigmatized death, i.e. AIDS, suicide (accidental or intentional), etc.

3. Personality variables of the bereaved Age and gender Uniqueness of temperament and coping style Life experience, birth order, only child, etc. Ego strength: self-esteem level, general mental health Physical health Assumptive world view – beliefs and values – cultural, religious,

spiritual – the ability to make meaning from a tragedy Past grief experiences

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4. Social variables Support network availability – family, friends, church, community,

etc. Cultural or ethnic influences and expectations Disenfranchised grief caused by a socially stigmatized relationship

or death surround

5. Other stressors on the bereaved Multiple losses over a lifetime and/or relatively short time period Secondary losses – job, home, health, etc.

This information is presented to you to simply be aware of, not to “use” in any way, while you are with your Partner. It is intended to help you be more present for, understanding and accepting of your Partner’s grief experience.

Remember, each person grieves in his/her own way, at her/his own time, and for her/his own duration. Two (or more) people with the same loss will grieve very differently. You are there to be a safe harbor, a place where s/he can speak whatever is needed, and know s/he will be heard and understood.

Reflections: (Please write your responses in the space following each question.)

These are designed to help you relate the material to your own grief work and how it might affect you as a Companion.

1. What 2 of these factors are you aware of having had an affect on your grief experience? Please write a short paragraph on each.

2. How do you imagine knowing these factors might affect you as a companion for your partner?

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3. Any questions or comments on this article?

When you are finished, SAVE this file and attach it to an email message to the Grief Companion Coordinator – Merry Smith-msmith@mts-stl.org.

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