Executive Coaching and the Recovering Executive

"What to do with a client that may have addiction issues"

"My goal is to have clients experience a blend of recovery and business tools to create the fruitful interpersonal relationships needed to maintain

long term sobriety and life success."

Melissa Killeen

Melissa Killeen is an established executive coach with broad understanding of entrepreneurial businesses. Her unique specialty is working with the recovering entrepreneur or business person. Melissa has more than 15 years experience in personal recovery as well as 35 years as a small business owner and in executive leadership. Her goal is to have her clients experience a blend of recovery and executive tools through coaching. Every client wants to form the fruitful interpersonal relationships that are needed to maintain long term sobriety and life success. Melissa guides them towards this goal. She encourages executives to maintain critical business relationships by retraining them in communicating the 'right' messages. Through various assessments she informs a client on how to deal with difficult people in a sober manner. She helps them build both business and people strategies to optimize their businesses’ performance. She encourages new skills to develop intimacy. Melissa is currently working on her book “The Guide to Recovery Coaching”, scheduled to be released early next year.

Have you ever coached a distracted, uncontained or procrastinating client?

Why aren’t the things that usually work for a client not working, now?

Sometimes this client’s behavior is blamed on their boss Perhaps this client does not complete their homework

assignments, because of work or family issues Why is this client secretive about some things and not others? Does this executive have a bottle in their bottom drawer?

What would be the clues?

What kinds of things, in ways of behaviors are evident? Body language? Talking traits? Distraction? Lateness, changing appointments, lack of follow through? Other signs that are evident?

Lets look into this a bit more deeply….

In this presentation I will attempt to expand on these questions. I will

cover the following: Identify IF the addict exists Help the addict/coaching client build a plan for recovery If the above has been accomplished, look around the coaching

client at his/her surroundings. Is there collateral damage from the addiction?

Acknowledging change, conflict and collateral damage Effectively dealing with change, conflict and collateral damage

Techniques and Terminology

“The Addict”: the alcoholic, the drug addict, the sex addict, the gambler, the over-eater, the compulsive spender

“The Addict”: anyone that has a compulsive need to adjust their perceptions of reality with a mind altering behavior, or substance

“The Recovery Coach”: known to use mouth swab alcohol tests, cut hair for analysis, request to have the client take HIV and STD tests, will search hotel rooms, offices and homes, pop up suspended ceilings, looks in dresser drawers, will probe fingers into jars of hand cream, and empties aspirin bottles looking for contraband.

“The Recovery Coach”: committed to saving a life, as much as getting a good ROI. In order to do this, a Recovery Coach asks some very difficult questions

Identify IF the addict exists

Assessment : LIFO, Life Orientations Survey (www.lifo.co) Tell their story Additional assessments used:

12-questions from AA, 40 questions SLAA, and/or 20 questions from NA

Cognitive distortions survey Annis, Schober and Kelly Interview (Stages of Change) ACE Survey (Adverse Childhood Experiences)

Do you mask, or self medicate with drugs, alcohol or other compulsive behaviors to alleviate the pain of dealing with:

Physical and mental health problems Work and financial difficulties. Emotional difficulties Disorganization and forgetfulness

Cognitive Distortions

All or Nothing Thinking Overgeneralization Minimizing Catastrophizing Mind-Reading Fortune Telling Labelling Using Should, Must, Needs to…. Emotional Reasoning Blame & Personalization Mental Filters

Adapted from: David Burns, MD, “Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy”, 1980, New York, New York, William Morrow & Company Publishers, Signet Publishing, second edition, 1981

Stage of Change Research by James Prochaska, John Norcross and Carlo DiClemente

Did you drink during the last 30 days? Are you considering quitting or reducing drinking in the next 30 days? Were you continuously abstinent during the past 30 days or did you

reduce drinking in the past 30 days? Did you knowingly attempt at least once, to quit or reduce your

drinking during in the past 30 days? Were you continuously abstinent for more than 60 days or did you

reduce drinking for more than the last 60 days?

Adapted from the Helen Annis, Renate Schober and Elizabeth Kelly, “Interview used to classify client into Adapted from the Helen Annis, Renate Schober and Elizabeth Kelly, “Interview used to classify client into one of the Five Stages of Change” (1995)one of the Five Stages of Change” (1995)

ACE Survey (Adverse Childhood Experiences)

Did a parent or other adult in the household swear at you, insult you, put you down or humiliate you?

Did a parent or other adult in the household push, grab, slap, or throw something at you?

Did you often or very often feel that no one in your family looked out for each other, no one feels close to each other, or no one supports each other?

Did you often or very often feel that you didn’t have enough to eat, had to wear dirty clothes, and had no one to protect you?

Did you live with anyone who was a problem drinker, alcoholic or who used street drugs?

Were your parents too drunk or high to take care of you?

Adapted from the Center for Disease Control, Ace (Adverse Childhood Experiences) Study and Questionnaire, Sep 20, 2010 –accessed at http://www.cdc.gov/ace/questionnaires.htm

GROW is an acronym for

Goals, establishing goals through the use of various instruments Reality compare the reality of the situation Options, explore the client’s options Wrap up or Write the Recovery Plan

Adapted from James Manktelow, Co-Author: “How to Lead: Discover the Leader within You”, Mind Tools' Leadership Course and www.MindTools.com, Wimbledon, London,, United Kingdom, 2005

Goals:

By completing Auerbach’s New Client Questionnaire the client can begin to form their Goals for Recovery. It is important these Goals be Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Rewarding and Timely

What do you want to be certain to obtain from this coaching relationship?

Are you ready to be coached? What two steps could you take, immediately, that would help

you move forward? Are you willing to stop or change your behaviors that are

interfering with your progress in recovery?

Adapted from: Auerbach, Jeffrey “Personal and Executive Coaching, The Complete Guide for Mental Health Professionals”, 2001, Executive College Publishing

Reality:

Confront Reality: Discuss what is happening that makes the client not able to achieve their goals in the past. Break down the instances and ask:

What stands between you and being able to stay out of jail? What is the reality of the current situation? What effect does it have on you or others? What is really stopping you? Do you know anyone who has achieved their recovery goal? What can you learn from them?

Options:

Brainstorm with the client on their Options. Ask -don’t tell the client- about their options. Empower them to ensure choice by asking:

How can you move toward your goal? What has worked in the past? What could you do as a first step? What else could you do? What would happen if you did nothing?

Write:

In discussing Writing their Recovery Plan goals, ask why the goals are important?

Date the plan (plans are meant to evolve and change, it is important for the client to see their progress)

Have the client name the changes they want to make (e.g. stay in college, avoid self-cutting, stay away from drugs and control over spending).

Where does this goal (stay away from drugs) fit in with their personal priorities at the moment?

What obstacles do they expect to meet? How will they overcome them? How committed is the client to these Recovery Plan goals?

Ask the Difficult Questions

Throughout coaching relationships, a client may regress to the beginning phases of their plan. Consistently, a coach must ask the difficult questions, reminding the client of their commitment, over and over and over again:

Are you sober today? How many days, months, years do you have? How committed are you to your recovery goals and your recovery

plan? What do you want to achieve? What is really stopping you?

Is there collateral damage resulting from the addiction?

Holding onto denial, the addict has been avoiding seeing the consequences resulting from their addiction. Offer a factual, statistical, black and white analysis of what collateral damage has been done and what behaviors the client can look at in order to change:

360 degree analysis: LIFO-AP LIFO AP-Leadership Survey Individual Interviews Conflict Resolution Training

Acknowledging change, conflict and collateral damage

Working with the client on moving forward on their recovery plan, keep in mind that every day the client must work on repairing whatever collateral damages has been caused by the addiction

Use the 12-steps from any 12-step peer support group Moral inventory of ourselves. Admit the exact nature of our wrongs. Be entirely ready to remove all these defects of character. Be willing to make amends to persons we have harmed. Make amends wherever possible, except when to do so would

injure others. When we are wrong promptly admit it.

Adapted from the Alcoholics Anonymous (June 2001). 4th ed.). Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, NY, NY.

Embracing change without relapsing

When it comes to the wide range of changes that can occur in a client’s recovery lives, anything that shifts the status quo – negative or positive – will exacerbate feelings of insecurity, vulnerability and other emotions.

For many addicts, their feelings are at an unconscious or subconscious level, because for many years they have altered these feelings with a substance

Therefore is very hard for them to identify feelings of insecurity, fear, vulnerability or any other emotions.

Acknowledge change and acknowledge that change creates conflict

Gain increased awareness of what is happening for our client, acknowledging that conflict/chaos is evident, doesn’t

necessarily stop their ability to resist it. Sometimes the emotions surrounding change overwhelm our clients

and contribute to the eruption of unnecessary conflict, chaos or even relapse.

Guide the client on identifying emotions like fear Guide the client on embracing conflict: Conflict is Good Suggest training on conflict resolution to client

Work on embracing conflict in a positive way

Some of the questions I ask the client are: What about you, or surrounding you is changing? What about it are you resisting or unsettled about? What does your reaction to this change tell you about how you feel in this

situation? How would you describe the emotions you are experiencing at these

times? If you haven’t mentioned a fear of some sort, what fears do you have about

these changes? In what ways may you be taking out your unsettled thoughts and feelings

on others? What is important to you, in this particular situation? How would you rather be and be seen during these times of change? In what ways can you manage the change that aligns with the recovery

image of yourself?

Breaking down typical conflicts

Here are some more difficult questions to ask your client:

What do you know about the way you habitually respond to your colleagues that you would like to change?

How have these habits helped you in the past? How have these habits not helped you? In your last dispute, what reaction of yours was the most counterproductive? What could you have said or done differently that would be more in keeping with how

you prefer to interact? Or more in keeping with your recovery plan? What kept you from responding that way? What do you want to learn about to be able to respond in positive ways when you are in

conflict? What may you need to learn that will help you cope more effectively in your adjustment

to change?

Adapted from The Eight Essential Steps to Conflict Resolution by Dudley Weeks, Ph.D., Los Angeles: Jeremy P. Tarcher, Inc. 1992

Typical Meeting Gone Wrong

My coaching client tries to avoid conflict at all costs. He ignored the Eight Essential Steps to Conflict Resolution:

1. Create an Effective Atmosphere 2. Clarify Perceptions 3. Focus on Individual and Shared Needs 4. Build Shared Positive Power 5. Look to the Future6. Generate Options 7. Develop Do-ables 8. Pay attention to the needs of the other person in addition to your

own interests

Adapted from The Eight Essential Steps to Conflict Resolution by Dudley Weeks, Ph.D., Los Angeles: Jeremy P. Tarcher, Inc. 1992

Defensive Routines

Avoiding conflict is a defensive routine. Procrastinating on completing the work that is assigned to you,

because you don’t agree with the assignment is a defensive routine Ignoring or undermining time lines is a defensive routine Becoming aggressive to avoid being blamed, criticized or shot down

for your ideas is a defensive routine

Going forward with the coaching client, defensive routines should be identified and discussed by giving them the knowledge they need in order to not relapse into their old behaviors.

This information is also important so the coaching client will not accept this type of behavior from others.

Adapted from “Strategy, Change and Defensive Routines” by Chris Argyris, Southport, England: Pitman Publishing. (1985)

So that is Recovery Coaching!

Recovery Coaching is a blend of executive coaching, life coaching and addiction counseling

Recovery Coaching is a very interesting profession, a niche in the coaching realm that is just being developed.

For more information on Recovery Coaching credentialing contact:

Recovery Coaches International http://www.recoverycoaching.org/

Questions?

Do you have any questions? Please press *2 to raise your hand for a

question I have a master board in front of me, so I can

see who has questions and I will call on everyone individually

Once I call on you, please press *7 to un-mute your call line

This seminar has been recorded. To access the recording go to

www.mkrecoverycoaching.com for the link

Thank you!

I am offering a Free Consultation to any participant on this call that may have further questions

Contact me for more questions on recovery coaching, to discuss any problems you may be experiencing with clients or general addiction/recovery questions

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