Essay Writing

Expository Essay

Character Analysis

Modes of Essay Writing

Mode Purpose Found InExposition(What is it, and how does it work?)

to explain or inform

dictionary and encyclopedia articles, news stories, histories, biographies, reference sources

Description(What does it look, sound, smell, feel, taste like?)

to establish a mood or stir an emotion

any kind of nonfiction writing that used images to appeal to the senses of sight, smell, taste or touch

Narration(What happened?)

To tell about a series of events usually in chronological order

biographies, autobiographies, essays, news articles, histories

Persuasion(What should I feel or do about it)

to persuade the reader to believe or do something

newspaper editorials, speeches, advertising, essays, articles

Expository Essay Writing

Every good writer has a purpose when they sit down to write. The purpose may be to inform; to create a mood or stir an emotion; to tell about a series of events; to persuade the reader to believe or do something, but the primary purpose of an essay is to select and arrange words and details that best accomplish the purpose.

In exposition writing, the main purpose is to inform, define, or clarify an idea. Dictionary and encyclopedia, as well as newspaper reports, use exposition.

Exposition writing answers the questions, What is it, and how does it work?

5 Part Essay PlanExpository

Introduction:1. Attention getter (Lead)2. Identify title, author, and character3. Provide relevant background information that leads into the traits4. Thesis (three character traits) Thesis

Body:1. The body is organized into three supporting paragraphs that prove your thesis statement2. Each supporting paragraph needs to be illustrated with details, facts, examples, or quotes that make your point clear. (NO OPINIONS)

Conclusion:Summarizes the essay’s main points!1. Review the traits from your thesis statement/ Summarize main points2. Connect to the introduction and reflect on the significance or character

NotesIntroduction

NEVER begin an essay with “in this essay”!1. Grab the reader’s attention (lead)

• Begin with a quote from the story “___________________” • Start with a strongly stated question that your readers might have (it may have a predictable answer)• Start with a unique observation about the story or character• Start with a snapshot (when you paint a picture, you draw the reader into the action)• Begin with a metaphor that shows the story’s significance

• Identify the title of the story, the author, and the character

• Provide relevant background information that leads into the traits

• Thesis statement (3 character traits) Have you ever met someone who seemed too

good to be true? In “The Landlady” by Roahl Dahl, unsuspecting Billy Weaver meets the Landlady. At first, she seems kind and welcoming, but it isn’t long before the reader can deduct that she is welcoming handsome young men into her Bed and Breakfast for her own ulterior motives. The Landlady is deceitful, cunning, and cold-hearted, and Billy Weaver will never make it past her traps alive.

Attention-getting leads

“Leads are magic flashlights that shine down through a story showing the writer what to put in and what to leave out.”

~ John McPhee

Get your reader’s attention with a great lead…

1. Begin with a quote from the story Weak lead : In one quote from the story the Landlady answers the door right away.

Attention-getting “But this dame was like a jack-in-the-box. He pressed the bell - and out she popped. It made him jump.”

2. Start with a strongly stated question that your readers might have (it may have a predictable answer)Weak lead : In this paper I will attempt to show you what Alfonso did to fit in.

Attention-getting : Have you ever felt so out of place that you would do almost anything to fit in?

• Start with a unique observation about the story or characterWeak lead : The narrator of “The Tell-Tale Heart” is crazy.

Attention-getting : The narrator, while claiming to be perfectly sane, immediately placed doubt within the reader’s mind with his nervous repetition of thoughts.

• Start with a snapshot (when you paint a picture, you draw the reader into the action)Weak lead : Squeaky always wins because she trains hard.

Attention-getting : Running instead of walking, doing breathing exercises, and focusing on the goal are just a few things Squeaky does to prepare herself for the annual May day race.

• Begin with a metaphor that shows the story’s significanceWeak lead : This story was about a crazy landlady who poisoned her guests.

Attention-getting : Has something ever drawn your attention as if it was like gravity pulling you in? The hidden gravity that grabs your attention, maybe something as amazing as winning the lottery ticket or as miserable as watching the news about Hurricane Katrina.

Identify which lead this is…

1. Have you ever gotten the feeling that the being in front of you has put on a fake front in order to lure you into their own cold hands?

2. Imagine you’re trapped in a pit of lions, and to them you’re a nice juicy steak. In this situation one probably thinks they would trust their gut instinct, but Billy Weaver, the main character from Roald Dahl’s short story “The Landlady” was in the core of a pit full of lions and was foolish enough to believe that they wouldn’t devour him whole.

3. She was just sitting there waiting for a small fish in the sea of people to bite.

2. “Running is my life. You can see me jogging down Broadway, and I do not care who knows it.”

5. Most things in life are complicated, but to one person, Charlie Gordon, complication is everything around him.

6. It was a dark and cloudy night as a man by the name of Billy Weaver rang the bell.

Question lead

Metaphor Lead

Metaphor Lead

Quote Lead

Observation Lead

Snapshot Lead

Notes

Thesis Statement: A statement that gives the main idea or focus of an essay.

• This is the LAST sentence in the FIRST paragraph of your essay.

• Your thesis needs to be something that you are going to support with evidence throughout your essay.

• List THREE main points to your thesis so that these three points can be the three paragraphs in the body of your essay.

Notes

Examples of thesis statements:• In Roald Dahl’s “The Landlady”, the main character, Billy

Weaver, is so polite and unquestioning and dim that he is not like a real-life person.

• She made herself be thought of as very kind, slightly dotty, and entirely harmless; yet she had a secret zest for stuffing handsome young men; she had no obvious motivation for this, but her actions were still very definitely effective.

• Squeaky comes off as a tough little girl growing up in Harlem, N.Y., but she is really soft and kind-hearted on the inside.

• Although Squeaky isn’t afraid to speak her mind and can come across as being too candid, she is conscientious and accomplished.

• The Landlady is deceitful, cunning, and cold-hearted, and Billy Weaver will never make it past her little traps alive.

• She is so deceitful, cunning, and contemptible that she can stuff a human being.

Thesis PracticeDirections: Please rewrite each simple thesis statement into a more complex

statement with 3 dominant traits. Be sure to show some insight into how the traits correspond with each other or reflect the overall character. (Take the statement from a “barebones” thesis to one with substance or “meat”.

Example: Barebones: The landlady is kind, dotty, and harmless. Substance: She made herself be thought of as very

kind, slightly dotty, and entirely harmless; yet she had a secret zest for stuffing handsome young men; she

had no obvious motivation for this, but her actions were still very definitely effective.

1. The landlady is cunning, deceitful, and contemptible.

2. Squeaky is tough, athletic, and responsible.

3. Mrs. Flowers is kind, aristocratic, and intelligent.

4. Marguerite is timid, insecure, and intelligent.

5. Alfonso is insecure, shy, and caring.

6. Charlie Gordon is determined, sensitive, and brave.

7. The narrator is deceitful, mad, and brutal.

8. Mr. & Mrs. White are greedy, curious, and hasty.

Sample Introductions“The old man’s hour had come! With a loud yell,

I threw open the lantern and leaped into the room. He shrieked once – once only. In an instant I dragged him to the floor and pulled the heavy bed over him” (205). In the strange story, “The Tell-Tale Heart” by Edgar Allan Poe, the narrator ends up being a cold-hearted murderer. The narrator tells the reader he is not crazy, but his irrational actions, like obsessing on the old man’s eye, convince the readers otherwise. The narrator is quite arrogant and devious, but eventually his cruel insanity overtakes his intentions to appear calm to the police.

“…I made up my mind to take the life of the old man. …But why will you say that I am mad?” (81) In the story, “The Tell-Tale Heart” by Edgar Allan Poe, the narrator is planning and executing the murder of an old man whose eye is bothersome to him. The narrator is so vain and sly that it is safe to say that the old man never had a chance. In the end, though, the narrator’s paranoia causes him to confess the crime he had executed so cleverly.

Sample introductions

“The disease had sharpened my senses - not destroyed – not dulled them” (203). The Narrator in “The Tell-Tale Heart” by Edgar Allan Poe states that the disease sharpened his senses, but is it really true? After all, he is a madman. He claims he loves the old man, and yet the old man’s body was cut up and carefully stored beneath the floor. It is obvious that the narrator had all the traits of a deadly murderer; he is determined, clever, and malicious.

Have you ever had someone in your life that made you feel accomplished? In “Mrs. Flowers” by Maya Angelou, Mrs. Flowers meets a young girl named Marguerite. Marguerite is an insecure young girl who needs someone to help her change her perspective. She will finally get that and so much more when she meets the practical, wise, and compassionate Mrs. Flowers.

Sample introductions

Has something ever drawn your attention as if it was like gravity pulling you in? For some, the hidden gravity may grab their attention as they pass by a television or sale rack. For Billy Weaver it was when he “caught sight of a printed notice propped up against the upper panes. It said BED AND BREAKFAST” (172). Who would have thought that a simple sign would bring so much trouble? Not Billy Weaver, the main character of the short story “The Landlady” by Roald Dahl. In this story, Billy is tricked into staying at a bed and breakfast by a seemingly sweet landlady who actually has deadly motives for luring him into her home. Mr. Weaver is both curious and enthusiastic as he strives to be independent, but in his youth he still tends to be quite naive and suffers dire consequences as a result.

Notes

Conclusion Remember…

• NEVER end an essay with “I hope you enjoyed my essay.”• Summarize the essay’s main points.• No first person. (I, You) (Instead, use “one”or “the

reader”) (See example below)

1. Review the traits from your thesis statement/summarize main points

2. Connect to the introduction and reflect on the significance or character

The Landlady was a cunning and deceitful woman, who could give the appearance of being a sweet, old, loving lady. She was an interesting character who remained cool and calm through the poisoning and stuffing of the boys, and then through Billy’s questions. The reader can only guess how many more times she will prey on innocent young men before she gets caught.

“The end”

“Don’t write endings, find them,” novelist Thomas Williams used to say. Endings grow from beginnings and reveal themselves through clues within the story, characters or ideas.

You should have a relationship between your beginning and ending ~ they should be connected and refer back to one another.

Sample Conclusions• Pay attention to how the conclusions refer back and are

connected to the introductions.

Introduction: “The old man’s hour had come! With a loud yell, I threw

open the lantern and leaped into the room. He shrieked once – once only. In an instant I dragged him to the floor and pulled the heavy bed over him” (205). In the strange story, “The Tell-Tale Heart” by Edgar Allan Poe, the narrator ends up being a cold-hearted murderer. The narrator tells the reader he is not crazy, but his irrational actions, like obsessing on the old man’s eye, convince the readers otherwise. The narrator is quite arrogant and devious, but eventually his cruel insanity overtakes his intentions to appear calm to the police.

Conclusion: The narrator is a very disturbed character to kill a

defenseless old man because he was bothered by the old man’s eye. Furthermore, he felt sure his crime would never be detected, but then his own insanity causes him to confess to the police. The narrator thinks that he is a sane man and that his murder was justified, but the reader knows he is an arrogant, devious, and insane person indeed.

Sample Conclusions

Introduction: “…I made up my mind to take the life of the old man.

…But why will you say that I am mad?” (81) In the story, “The Tell-Tale Heart” by Edgar Allan Poe, the narrator is planning and executing the murder of an old man whose eye is bothersome to him. The narrator is so vain and sly that it is safe to say that the old man never had a chance. In the end, though, the narrator’s paranoia causes him to confess the crime he had executed so cleverly.

Conclusion: The narrator was obviously mentally disturbed,

killing an innocent old man for no reason except that he did not like the old man’s eye. Although the narrator was sly, his vanity and paranoia revealed his dastardly deed which led to his capture. One can only guess who would have been his next victim if the narrator’s insanity had not betrayed his violent nature.

Sample conclusionsIntroduction:

“The disease had sharpened my senses - not destroyed – not dulled them” (203). The Narrator in “The Tell-Tale Heart” by Edgar Allan Poe states that the disease sharpened his senses, but is it really true? After all, he is a madman. He claims he loves the old man, and yet the old man’s body was cut up and carefully stored beneath the floor. It is obvious that the narrator had all the traits of a deadly murderer; he is determined, clever, and malicious.

Conclusion:The narrator is truly a psychopath to kill a

defenseless aged person for absolutely no logical reason. He is determined, clever, and malicious, which means he has all the characteristics of a deadly assassin who kills for no reason. If not for the neighbor’s call to the police, the narrator may well have continued his deadly behavior.

Sample conclusionsIntroduction:

Have you ever had someone in your life that made you feel accomplished? In “Mrs. Flowers” by Maya Angelou, Mrs. Flowers meets a young girl named Marguerite. Marguerite is an insecure young girl who needs someone to help change her perspective. She will finally get that and so much more when she meets the elegant, wise, and practical Mrs. Flowers.

Conclusion:All in all, Mrs. Flowers is a magnificent person.

She is an elegant and wise woman who uses her influence to help Marguerite. Through practical means, she shows Marguerite the intricate beauties of life and the power of words--both written and spoken. Marguerite went through Mrs. Flower’s doors as a simple little girl and came out a changed person.

Sample conclusionsIntroduction:

Has something ever drawn your attention as if it was like gravity pulling you in? For some, the hidden gravity may grab their attention as they pass by a television or sale rack. For Billy Weaver it was when he “caught sight of a printed notice propped up against the upper panes. It said BED AND BREAKFAST” (172). Who would have thought that a simple sign would bring so much trouble? Not Billy Weaver, the main character of the short story “The Landlady” by Roald Dahl. In this story, Billy is tricked into staying at a bed and breakfast by a seemingly sweet landlady who actually has deadly motives for luring him into her home. Mr. Weaver is enthusiastic and curious as he strives to be independent, but in his youth he still tends to be quite naive and suffers dire consequences as a result.

Conclusion:All in all, Billy Weaver is the kind of guy that everyone roots

for. His independent and earnest nature initially give the reader the impression that he can handle almost anything thrown his way. Throughout the story he is curious enough to keep the reader aware of what is going on, but because of his naivety he misses the landlady’s real intent. He is the kind of character that deserves a happily-ever-after ending, but unfortunately, he did not get one.

Transition Words and PhrasesUse these transitions to help you connect the ideas between your

sentences and between your paragraphs.TO INTRODUCE EXAMPLES

for example in fact in one instancefor instance in one case as proofto illustrate to begin with in one example

TO ADD ANOTHER POINTalso in addition (to) furthermoremoreover another a second (third, fourth,

etc.)besides further

TO SHOW TIME RELATIONSHIPSbefore since in the meantimeafter meanwhile to begin withnext eventually at the same timethen at last not long afterfinally afterward as time passed

TO SIGNAL RESULTS OR EFFECTSas a result because (of) for this reasondue to therefore in response tothus consequently in conclusion

TO SHOW COMPARISON OR CONTRASTsimilarly in contrast different fromlike unlike on the other handjust as the same as on the contraryas well (as) equally important

TO CONNECT IDEASyet however neverthelessso though moreover

Body of Essay

Character to be analyzed:

The Landlady

The Landlady tricks Mr. Weaver.

She takes advantage of Mr. Weaver.

The Landlady plotted to kill Mr. Weaver.

The Landlady tricks Mr. Weaver. She takes advantage of Mr. Weaver. The Landlady plotted to kill Mr. Weaver.

Clever

Body of Essay

Character to be analyzed:

The Landlady

The Landlady tricks Mr. Weaver by acting friendly and polite to him when he inquired about a room.

She is clever by taking advantage of Mr. Weaver’s youth and innocence. She only picks boarders who are young men.

The Landlady was ingenious in her plot to kill Mr. Weaver. She makes the room irresistible by offering it at a ridiculously low price. “If that is too much,” she added, “then perhaps I can reduce it just a tiny bit.” (173)

The Landlady is clever and tricks Mr. Weaver by acting friendly and polite to him when he inquired about a room. She is also clever by taking advantage of Mr. Weaver’s youth and innocence. She only picks boarders who are young men. Finally, she is ingenious in her plot to kill Mr. Weaver. She makes the room irresistible by offering it at a ridiculously low price. “If that is too much,” she added, “then perhaps I can reduce it just a tiny bit.” (173) She want to make sure Billy Weaver stays!

Clever

Body of Essay

Character to be analyzed:

The Landlady

The Landlady tricks Mr. Weaver by acting very polite and friendly to him when he inquired about the room. She tells him to “please come in” (173) and calls him “my dear boy.” (173) Thus she presents herself as a motherly figure.

She is also clever by taking advantage of Mr.Weaver’s youth and innocence. She only picks boarders who are young men. She confirms this when she says she looks for “acceptable young men” (174) “who are exactly right.” (174) After she says this she looks him up and down.

As we can see in the beginning of the story the Landlady is a clever woman who tricks Billy Weaver by acting polite and friendly to him when he inquires about the room. “Please come in” (173) she tells him and calls him “my dear boy.” (173). Thus she presents herself as a motherly figure. Next we see her cleverness as she takes advantage of Mr. Weaver’s youth and innocence. She only picks boarders who are young men. She confirms this when she says she looks for “acceptable young men” (174” who are exactly right.” (174) Finally, the Landlady was ingenious in her plot to kill Mr. Weaver. She makes his room irresistible by offering it at a ridiculously low price, “half of what he had been willing to pay.” (173) Even then, she offers to reduce the price, “if that is too much “ (173) to ensure he will take the room.

Clever

Finally, the Landlady was ingenious in her plot to kill Mr. Weaver. She makes the room irresistible by offering it at a ridiculously low price. “half of what he had been willing to pay.” (173) Even then, she offers to reduce the price “if that is too much” (173) to ensure he will take the room.

TipsMiscellaneous things to remember when

writing an essay

Style *Never refer to yourself in the essay. Don’t say things like “I think...” or “I saw...” Just make your point. It’s obvious that you believe what you say. After all, it’s your essay.*Avoid the use of contractions in a formal essay. The only exception would be if they appear in a quotation from the text that you are using word for word. Instead, spell out the two words in the contraction. “Douglass is not deterred in his plan”--not “isn’t”.

*Keep your writing in present tense. It seems more “alive” if you do. Say, “Douglass is a man who...” rather than “Douglass was a man who...” Again, you don’t want to change the wording of direct quotes, so if they use a verb tense other than present tense, copy it as it appears in the text.

* Use standard English when writing. Avoid using slang (‘sup or could of), “texting” jargon (ppl, idk, lol, bff), or symbols (&).

TipsUsing and documenting quotations and passages from the text

There are several things to learn about using passages from the text to support your points.

*Remember, the majority of the essay is in your words. You need to explain your points clearly and thoroughly enough so that someone not familiar with the text can understand you.

*Use quotes/passages from the text to illustrate or support a point you make. They don’t have to be long passages. They should not be longer than two sentences. You should weave or blend short, but powerful, quotes or passages from the text into your essay. You want to avoid stringing one quote after another into an essay.

*When you weave or blend quotes they should not appear in your essay as a sentence by themselves. Instead, they should fit smoothly into your explanation so if you were reading your essay aloud, listeners wouldn’t even know where your words end and the quoted passage begins. (look at the sample essay I gave you to see this).

*For each quote or passage used, you must document where it appeared in the text. To do this for an essay in which all of the quotes are from the same source, the story you read, all you have to do is put the page number in parentheses before the final end punctuation. (look at the sample essay I gave you to see this). “quote” (68). DO NOT PUT “page” or “p.”--just the number.

* Don’t forget to use strong transitions between your quotes and specific examples.

Model Essay

The Responsibility, the Race, the Friendship

Have you ever been so good at something that you always took first place? In “Raymond’s Run” by Toni Cade Bambara, Squeaky is a responsible little girl who takes care of her mentally challenged brother, Raymond, yet she still maintains her title as “the swiftest thing in the neighborhood” (4). Although Squeaky isn’t afraid to speak her mind and can come across as being too candid, she is conscientious and accomplished.

“That’s right fatso. And the next word out of anybody’s mouth and I’ll be their mothers too” (7) spoken by Squeaky shows that she is not afraid to speak her mind, especially when others are teasing Raymond. Although she may seem rude, Squeaky’s forthrightness is to protect what she holds dear. When Mr. Pearson asked Squeaky to throw the race and give someone else a chance at winning the race this year, she “gave him such a look he couldn’t finish putting that idea into words” (11). Her candid attitude allows her to always do what she believes is right, whether it deals with her brother or with winning.

Squeaky values being the fastest runner in the neighborhood. Maintaining this title takes determination and a conscientious attitude. Squeaky is always training to make herself be the best she can be. She even states, “You can see me any time of day practicing running” (8). Even through her diligent training, she continues to keep Raymond safe.

A sense of accomplishment is very important to many people. Squeaky never settles for less than winning. “In first place – Miss Hazel Elizabeth Deborah Parker.” “For I have won again” (11). Because of her desire to win, Squeaky has never lost a race. However, this year she has won more than just a race. She has decided to coach Raymond along with her nemesis, Gretchen. Together, they are going to help Raymond to feel the rush they feel when they are running in a race and winning.

Squeaky is a loyal character; the confidence that she has in herself allows her to stand up to others for what she believes is right. Her desire to win and persistence to do what it takes to be successful, will always allow her to feel a sense of accomplishment. One could only hope for a friend or sister like Squeaky.

Graphic Organizer

Rubric

Exemplar1Exemplar: 1 In this excerpt story “The monkey’s paw.” A guy name Mr. White he experienced something about the paw. Mr. White is an old guy whos sweet, hones, and very trustworthy. The author W.W. Jacobs had written plenty of remarkable books in the past. In the beginning of this wonderful home of the Whites there was a family a very decent home of the Whites. For instance there is Mr. White, Ms. White, and there son Herbert. Yes they are a very nice family; until there was a knok at the door, (knock, knock) Mr. White answered the door. It was an old man at the door with an paw in his hand. The old man came in and settle and took out the paw. Mr. White was frighten when he saw the paw, and beforehand Mr. White had the paw in his hand. The old guy vocalize “wish for anything.” Mr. White wished for three grand to pay mortgage. Mr. White was intimidated when the paw squeezed his hand and he dropped it. Mr. White son went off to work, the day went by, and they heard dreadful news about there son Herbert. Their son was efflorescing and they just cried and cried forever. Mrs. White mad a wish for her son to come back to life and it happened. Mr. White tried to stop her but he couldn’t. There was a bump at the door, Mr. White and Ms. White raced to the door she got there first. Mrs. White and Mr. White screamed. They say the actuall look of there sacriledgeious son yes he looked horrible. Mrs. White cried and cried until she feel strait to sleep. Mr White finall knew never wish something back from the dead or else it will not look pretty.

Exemplar 2Exemplar 2 The Landlady Have you ever been somewhere were its to good to be true? In the story The

Landlady by Roald Dahl the old lady goes by The Landlady, comes across this handsome

young man by the name of Billy Weaver. She acts like a sweet old lady then tricks them

to come to her bed and breakfast to kill and stuff them. Although she seem to be a nice

old lady she is cruel, sneaky and a creepy old lady.

“Normally you ring the door bell and you have at least wait a minute till someone

opens the door.” (pg. 173) It’s was like the Landlady knew Billy Weaver was already

coming. “It’s all ready for you.” Page 173 The Landlady already had a room for him.

“I stuff all my little pets when they pass away.” She stuffs all her pets and places

them in front of her fireplace. “How amusing.” (pg. 177) She always is changing

subjects. “I’ve put a warm water bottle in to air out your bed.” (pg. 174)

The landlady acts nice in fact she is plotting out how to kill him. “it was

fantastically cheap.” (pg. 173) She sets the price lower to lure him in to her bed and

breakfast.

“But my dear boy, he never left.” She poisoned them then stuffed them. “Milk.”

She said “And sugar?” The landlady is plotting out how to kill him by changing subject.

“The tea tasted faintly bitter of almonds.” She poisoned him so she can stuff him.

My reaction to the Landlady is as nice as a butterfly by is a creep sneaky and a

cruel person. She has a bed and breakfast to lure young men to kill and stuff them.

Think about it would you stay at one of these.

Exemplar 3Exemplar: 3

Squeaky, The Swiftest Thing On The Block

“Running is my life. You can see me jogging down Broadway, and I do not care who knows

it” (5). That I a quote from the famous “Raymond’s run” by Toni Cade Bombara, where Squeak is

determined to win the 50-yard dash. Squeaky loves to run, and she is very good at it. There is only

one thing that Squeaky loves more than running, and that is her family. Squeaky has to take care of

her brother Raymond, and she gets very defensive if someone makes fun of him. Squeaky is a short-

tempered, over protective, and hard working young girl.

Squeaky is very short-tempered with talking to other people, she would much rather fight. “I

am ready to fight, cuz like I said I do not feature a whole lot of chitchat, I would much rather prefer to

knock you down” (6). Squeaky has a very short-temper, so she does not want to talk much and get all

worked up, she would much rather beat you up, and get on with her life. There is one point in the story

that Squeaky gets worked up, and that is when Gretchon and her sidekicks talk to Squeaky saying that

Gretchon will win the big race. Squeaky was jogging, and there comes Gretchon, talking herself up

saying that she is going to win the big race. But at the big race, Mr. Pearson asked Squeaky to throw

the big race, and let someone else win, but Squeaky was not about to do that. Oh how made she got,

she did not to even see his face after he said that, it was just that bad.

Squeaky was hardworking in everything she did, so when Mr. Pearson asked her to throw the

race, she was beyond mad. Squeaky tries hard in everything she does, so that she does well. “I stay up

all night studying the words for the spelling bee” (5). Squeaky is not afraid to hide her talent, and if

she is not good at something, she works hard to do better. “You can see me anytime of the day

practicing my running” (5). Squeaky does not hide that she practices to do well, because she knows no

one will believe that she is just that good. Squeaky has trained hard for her big race, and will not let

anything keep her from winning. She knows that she is good enough; she just has to prove it.

Squeaky is very overprotective with her brother Raymond. “You got anything to say to my

brother, you say it to me” (6). Squeaky lovers her brother Raymond, and would never allow people to

make fun of him. Since Raymond is with Squeaky all the time, she has him stay on her inside so that

away he will not run off into the traffic. Squeaky has to really watch Raymond, considering that is her

only thing she needs to do in the family.

You know what Squeak y must be very good at running if she wins every race. Squeaky was an

overprotective, hardworking, and short-tempered girl even though she looked small and scrawny. Who

knows if Raymond will ever win a race as Squeaky being his coach?

Exemplar 4Exemplar: 4 The Deadly Sip

Have you ever gotten the feeling that the being in front of you has put in a fake front in order to lure you into their own cold hands? In Roald Dahl’s short story “The Landlady,” the Landlady owns a bed and breakfast in which she tricks young men into staying, and never seeing the light of day again. Throughout the story you can tell that the Landlady is up to something, but seventeen-year-old Billy weaver will never know what hit him. In the beginning, the Landlady may seem nice, but if you stay at her bed and breakfast, you will find out she is deceitful, cunning, and later murderous. The quote, “Animals were usually a good sign in a place like this,” proves that the Landlady is trying to be welcoming, when in reality she stuffs her pets and any strapping young men she comes upon. Billy Weaver, when first laying his eyes on the Landlady, thinks, “She seemed very nice.” Being the deceitful woman that she is, the Landlady put on her “split personality” and tricked young Billy into thinking she was one of your average cookie making grandmothers. By now, Billy Weaver is caught into her trap, just like a helpless little turtle caught in a fisher’s net, but even more is about to come for poor Billy Weaver. “It was fantastically cheap. It was less than half of what he’d been expecting,”: is what Billy thinks about the price for the bed and breakfast. The Landlady cunningly made her prices irresistibly low, way lower then what Billy anticipated. In fact, she made it so inexpensive that Billy was lured in, making the Landlady cunning. The Landlady makes all young men happy in her home, even when dead and up on the fourth floor. The Landlady dexterously had her guests sign her book, considering that she always seems to “forget” their names. The quote, “Suddenly, in a downstairs window that was brilliantly illuminated by a street lamp…” also provides that the Landlady is cunning because she turned on the lamp when the perfect catch came around the corner. The Landlady’s murderous side may actually be a little mind blowing, considering that she stuffs all of her visitors. “The tea tasted faintly of bitter almonds and he didn’t care for it much,” is a quote that establishes that the Landlady is a deadly fiend, for she poisoned Mr. Weaver’s warm drink. Another quote, said by the Landlady, states, “There wasn’t a blemish on his body,” refers to one of the Landlady’s earlier guests. The Landlady exemplifies this because she had gorged his guest with stuffing. The Landlady’s deceitfully cunning plans led Billy Weaver into the Landlady’s trap, with murderous consequences. The Landlady obviously loves young men, since she stuffs them and keeps them in her house forever, kind of like a souvenir or valuable trinket. Her true nature is a little unsatisfying, especially since she looked like such a nice old lady who would not hurt a fly. The Landlady really constructed Roald Dahl’s story into a hair-raising performance, which will leave you with cold feet for days on end. Whenever you see a bed and breakfast, be sure not to taste their tea, because it could be the last cup you will ever have.

Peer Editing Guidelines

What we need to know in order to peer edit

What does peer editing mean?Peer editing is when students give each other feedback on writing. Effective feedback is based upon the question, “How will my response help the writer?”

When someone reads my paper, I want them to:1. Be specific2. Tell spots or parts to improve3. Be honest

When I read someone’s paper, I want to:1. Read the entire paper2. Compare with the grading rubric3. Offer constructive criticism

We should not use the following words during peer editing1. Overly Negative

2. Overly Positive

3. Vague

Final reminders…

1. Don’t use 1st person. (I, me, you)2. Don’t use your opinion. (I think, I believe)3. Avoid using contractions4. Keep your verb tense consistent5. Keep your verb tense in the present tense to make it seem

more “alive”6. Leave your reader with something to think about!7. Be sure to use strong transitions between paragraphs.8. Be sure to explain your quotes!9. Broaden your opening question so that it isn’t so

predictable.10. Be sure to state the trait you are proving.11. Avoid saying well, …12. Spell out numbers 1 – 1013. Avoid saying “in this essay…”14. Provide a bit more background info.

15.Remember that your job is to ANALYZE the character, not SUMMARIZE the story

Quiz yourself!1. List the FOUR things that need to be included in your introduction. (4 points)

1. 2.3. 4.

2. What is a thesis statement? (2 points)

3. What should be included in your thesis statement? (2 points)

4. Where is the thesis statement located? (2 points)

5. Yesterday you wrote down 3 ways to grab the reader’s attention in the introduction. List TWO of these ways! (2 points)

1.2.

6. There are three things that need to be included in your conclusion. Please list them. (3 points)

1. 2. 3.