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CLARK AND ADDISON XVIII “APPROACHING THE HALF WAY POINT”

WEAGHMAN’S PARK WAS THE ACTUAL NAME AND STRUCTURE THAT STANDS NOW AS WRIGLEY FIELD. AND THE REST IS CUBS HISTORY. WEAGHMAN’S PARK IS NOW THE NAME OF A FICTIONAL WISCONSIN THEMED 20 SOMETHING HANGOUT. WEAGHMAN’S PARK IS LOCATED AT THE INTERSECTION OF CLARK AND ADDISON STREETS IN CHICAGO - A SNOWBALL’S THROW AWAY FROM WRIGLEY FIELD ITSELF. THE SIMPLE YET VERY SUCCESSFUL BUSINESS PLAN ATTRACTS “BORDER” WISCONSIN PEOPLE COMING DOWN FOR A GAME, AS WELL AS CHICA-GOANS LOOKING FOR SOME LEINENKUGEL BEER AND ZUERCHER CHEESE. THE CUBS NOW ARE BEYOND A CENTURY OF FUTILITY IN NOT WINNING A WORLD SERIES TITLE - YET HAVE TOP TIER LOYAL FANS. THE BALL PARK AT THE CORNER OF CLARK AND ADDISON BOASTS SELL - OUTS GAME AFTER GAME. JOIN US AS 20 SOMETHINGS KERI, THE ULTIMATE TOMBOY, AND JOSH, A RECENT MBA/LAW GRAD FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO, GIVE GREAT INSIGHT INTO CUBS BASEBALL AS WELL AS CHICAGO SPORTS.

JOSHI JUST DON’T KNOW KERI. WE CANNOT SEEM TO PUT TOGETHER A STRING OF CUB WINS. I JUST DON’T GET IT.

KERIWE ARE FAST APPROACHING THE HALF WAY POINT OF THE SEASON. WE ARE INTO SOME TELLING MOMENTS. LOSING GETS REAL OLD. THANK GOD WE HAMMERED THE SOX TODAY AT U.S. CELLULAR FIELD. WE FLAT OUT STOPPED THEIR WINNING STREAK.

JOSHWE ARE 8 AND A HALF OUT FROM CINCINNATI. ST. LOUIS IS ONLY A HALF GAME OUT - AND THAT IS THE TEAM WE ARE REALLY CHASING.

KERIDO YOU ACTUALLY THINK WE CAN GAIN 8 GAMES ON THE CARDINALS?

JOSHYES. IN FACT I THINK THE Z THING FRIDAY NIGHT IN THE DUGOUT WAS A WAKE UP CALL TO THE TEAM TO START PRODUCING.

KERIZ IS 3 AND 5. GIVE ME A BREAK. IT’S NOT LIKE Z HAS BEEN LIGHTS OUT THIS YEAR. PLUS HE’S PEED OFF THE ENTIRE CUB ORGANIZATION. IN FACT THEY ARE ALREADY TALKING TRADE TO THE SOX EVEN THIS YEAR BECAUSE OZZIE IS HIS BUDDY.

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JOSHYES, IT IS SAD THESE TWO GO OUT TO EAT TOGETHER. IF YOU ARE A CUB, THE FIRST THING YOU LEARN IS THAT THE SOX ARE THE MOST DESPICABLE TEAM IN ALL OF SPORTS. THERE ARE NO REAL WORDS TO DESCRIBE THE SOX, THEY ARE THAT BAD. SO FOR Z TO COMMISERATE WITH OZZIE IS BEYOND BELIEF.

KERITHE INTERNET BLOGS ARE STUFFED WITH RYNO TALK EVEN COMING THIS SEASON - STUFF LIKE IF YOU SEE A STATION WAGON WITH A GUY DRIVING I - 80 WITH A CUBS SHIRT ON, IT’S RYNO COMING IN FROM DES MOINES TO SAVE US.

JOSHBUT I ACTUALLY LIKE LOU. THESE GUYS ON THE CUBS ARE TALENTED; THEY JUST CANNOT PUT HITS TOGETHER. BUT DEMPSTER PITCHED DECENT TODAY.

KERII AGREE. THE TALENT IS DEFINITELY THERE. MAYBE Z HAS TO GO, AND RICKETTS WILL HAVE TO EAT SOME OF THE 92 MILLION DOLLAR CONTRACT.

JOSHZ IS ON HIS WAY TO THE BULLPEN FOR A WHILE. I KNOW LOU ONLY WANTS HIM OUT THERE IF IS HE IS ON BOARD WITH HIS TEAMMATES.

KERIMAYBE SAMARDZIJA CAN COME BACK FROM IOWA AND RELIEVE HIM.

JOSHNO WAY! HIS ERA AT THE BEGINNING OF THE SEASON WAS 19!

KERITHE CUB BLOGS ALL ARE SAYING THAT JEFF WASN’T BROUGHT ALONG CORRECTLY AND GIVEN A CHANCE TO MATURE ON THE MOUND.

JOSHI DON’T BUY THAT. HE’S HAD GREAT PITCHING COACHES ALL THROUGH HIS CAREER AT CHICAGO.

KERISOME ARE EVEN SAYING JEFF ISN’T REALLY THAT GOOD. JUST BE-CAUSE HE CAME FROM SOUTH BEND DOESN’T MAKE HIM A SUPER-STAR. HE HAS TO EARN IT.

JOSHYEAH . . . IF HE IS TO BECOME A STAR, HE’LL SHINE IN DES MOINES AND IN CHICAGO.

Keri & Josh

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KERIRIGHT NOW EVEN WITH Z SUSPENDED, WE GOT A LONG WAY TO GO. CASTRO IS PLAYING DECENTLY FOR A ROOKIE. BUT LOOK AT THESE BATTING AVERAGES: 230, 260, AND 270. VERY INCONSISTENT OF-FENSE. NO WONDER THE SOX TOOK THE SERIES. LOU ALMOST BLEW THE LAST GAME AT THE END.

JOSHALL I KNOW IS THAT SOMETHING BIG NEEDS TO HAPPEN TO THIS TEAM. WE’RE NEARLY 10 GAMES UNDER 500 WHEN WE PROBABLY HAVE THE BEST TALENT IN THE LEAGUE.

KERIUNFORTUNATELY THERE IS NOTHING ON THE HORIZON TO KEEP US IN THE HUNT. TOO MANY CLOSE CALLS, INCONSISTENT PITCHING AND HITTING, AND GAMES JUST TOSSED DOWN THE TOILET.

JOSHEXCUSE ME - THIS COUPLE BACK THERE FROM MONROE WANTS ANOTHER PLATE OF ZUERCHER’S CHEESE. WE ARE ALMOST OUT OF THE VARIETY PLATES.

KERISO WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN THERE IS NO MORE ZUERCHER CHEESE LEFT? YOUR BUSINESS MODEL SUDDENLY FAILS.

JOSHWE HAVE BACK UP FROM THE DECATUR CHEESE FACTORY IN GREEN COUNTY - THE ORIGINAL ZUERCHER CHEESE FACTORY. THEY ALONG WITH OTHER GREEN COUNTY CHEESE FACTORIES HAVE BEEN SENDING US CHEESE REPLACEMENTS BY THE TON.

KERIHOW HAVE THE CUSTOMERS BEEN TAKING THIS?

JOSHVERY WELL. WE ARE UP FRONT AND HONEST REGARDING THE CHI-CAGO CHEESE SHORTAGE.

KERITHAT’S COOL. DID I HAVE SOME OF THAT GREEN COUNTY CHEESE INSTEAD OF THE ZUERCHER’S THE OTHER NIGHT AND NOT KNOW IT?

JOSHYES, I WAS TESTING YOU. IT’S PRETTY SIMILAR ISN’T IT?

KERINO, IT’S EXACT. ONE CANNOT TELL THE DIFFERENCE.

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JOSHTHERE SHOULDN’T ACTUALLY BE ANY DIFFERENCE AS THESE CHEESE-MAKERS ARE ALL FROM SWITZERLAND, RELATED, AND THE CHEESE BUSINESS HAS BEEN INBRED FOR A LONG TIME.

KERISO THE WEAGHMAN’S PARK BUSINESS MODEL KEEPS ON GOING. YOU DON’T HAVE A LEINIE’S BACKUP SUPPLY DO YOU?

JOSHNO, BUT WE HAVE PLENTY OF THE SUMMER SHANDY AND WHEAT, AS WELL AS THE REGULAR LEINIES.

KERIWHAT ABOUT THE 1888 BOCK?

JOSHTHAT’S ONLY AVAILABLE JANUARY THROUGH MARCH. BUT WE GET WHATEVER EXTRA THEY HAVE IN STOCK. IT SELLS WELL AND DOESN’T LAST. I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY LEINENKUGEL DOESN’T MAKE THAT YEAR ROUND.

KERIIT WOULD SEEM TO ME THAT VERY FACT KEEPS IT POPULAR. YOU WANT SOMETHING YOU CANNOT HAVE - THAT’S THE 1888 BOCK IN THE OFF SEASON.

JOSHWE WILL KEEP ON THE BUSINESS PLAN AND BLOW AWAY OUR COMPETI-TION.

KERIEVER SINCE OPENING DAY WEAGHMAN’S PARK DOES SEEM TO BE VERY BUSY. PEOPLE ARE IN HERE FOR LUNCH NOWADAYS.

JOSHYES, IN FACT WHEN SILVA WITH HIS 8 AND 2 RECORD AND 3.09 ERA PITCHES, THE PLACE IS ESPECIALLY BUSY.

KERISILVA WAS CERTAINLY A GOOD PICKUP. FANS LIKE HIM, HE’S A TEAM PLAYER, AND...........

JOSHHE WINS.

KERIDEMPSTER IS AT LEAST 500. BUT WE HAVE ACTUALLY BEEN WEAK WITH THE OTHER STARTERS. IN FACT, WE HAVE NOT REALLY RECEIVED ENOUGH RUN SUPPORT TO ACTUALLY KNOW HOW GOOD OR BAD SOME OF THE OTHER STARTERS ARE.

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JOSHEXCUSE ME AGAIN. THIS TABLE WANTS A COUPLE MORE SUMMER SHANDY LEINIES.

KERIOK, MAYBE I COULD ACTUALLY GET A JOB WORKING HERE?

JOSHTHAT WOULDN’T WORK.

KERIWHY?

JOSHBECAUSE NUMBER 1 YOU ARE A SOCIAL WORKER, AND NUMBER TWO THE BOSS DOESN’T WANT CUTE 20 SOMETHING GIRLS WORKING HERE. THAT’S HOOTERS STUFF, AND THEY ARE DOWN THE STREET.

KERISO THEREFORE I’M OUT?

JOSHYOU WERE NEVER EVEN BEING CONSIDERED FOR A JOB AT WEAGH-MAN’S PARK. MOST OF THE TIME I’M ABLE TO DO DEAL WITH OUR COOK IN THE BACK. PEOPLE DO EAT BRATS FROM SHEBOYGAN, BUT MOSTLY THEY COME IN HERE TO TALK CUB BASEBALL AND EAT BOR-DER FOOD AND DRINK.

KERIEVER SINCE THAT TRIBUNE ARTICLE HIGHLIGHTED WEAGHMAN’S PARK, YOU HAVE BEEN DELUGED WITH CUSTOMERS FROM CHICAGO.

JOSHTHEY ARE FROM ALL OVER: IOWA, INDIANA, MICHIGAN, AND EVEN MINNESOTA.

KERISO ARE YOU THINKING CHAIN?

JOSHNO WAY! IT’S GOOD THE WAY IT IS. WE MAKE SLIGHT ALTERATIONS. WE HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH BERNIE’S AND EVERYONE ELSE HERE ALSO. WE ARE ACTUALLY A COMMUNITY OF BUSINESSES AROUND CLARK AND ADDISON.

KERIKEEP ON GOING, BUT YOU KNOW YOUR MOM WILL NOT LIKE SUCCESS HERE.

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JOSHI RECEIVED THE RAMPING TALK AGAIN THIS WEEK FROM MOM. YOU KNOW: MOVE ON, GET A GOLD COAST BUSINESS LAWYER JOB, SUV, FERTILE WIFE, AND YOU KNOW THE REST.

KERITHE WIFE WHO DOESN’T TURN OFF THE BEAR GAMES IN THE SECOND QUARTER?

JOSHABSOLUTELY CORRECT KERI! THIS YEAR WITH MIKE MARTZ CALLING THE OFFENSIVE PLAYS, IT WON’T BE DULL. CUTLER WILL HAVE KNOX, CLARK, AND HESTER TO THROW TO. MAYBE MORE IF THEY GET SOME DEPTH ON THE TEAM.

KERITHEY ARE TALKING TRACK MEET FROM SUMMER CAMP ONWARD.

JOSHIT WILL BE A CHANGE FROM THE THREE YARDS AND A CLOUD OF DUST IN THE BLACK AND BLUE DIVISION OF THE NFL.

KERIIT SHOULD BE GOOD WITH RODGERS, FAVRE, CUTLER, AND STAFFFORD IN THE SAME DIVISION.

JOSHTHE BALL SHOULD BE GOING UP AND DOWN THE FIELD WITH REGULAR-ITY.

KERIWE’LL SEE. I’LL BELIEVE THE BEARS ARE READY WHEN THEY FINALLY GET THEIR DEFENSE BACK TO WHERE IT NEEDS TO BE. IT’S ONE THING TO SCORE A FEW POINTS, BUT IF WE CANNOT STOP ANYONE, IT DOES THE TEAM ZERO.

JOSHWE HAD NO CHOICE WITH CUTLER LEADING THE LEAGUE IN INTERCEP-TIONS LAST YEAR. WE NEEDED A MIKE MARTZ. MIKE WAS LITERALLY CHASED OUT OF ST. LOUIS FOR DOING WELL. KURT WARNER BECAME KURT WARNER BECAUSE OF MARTZ. ST. LOUIS, WHO WE ALL HATE, DOESN’T HAVE ENOUGH SENSE TO KEEP GOOD GUYS. LOVIE CANNOT SIT ON THE SIDELINES AND CALL RUNNING PLAYS WITH SO SO BACKS AND BLOCKING.

KERINO DOUBT CHANGES HAD TO BE MADE QUICKLY. BUT I DON’T KNOW IF LOVIE IS REALLY INTO CHANGE. THIS MAY ALL BE A FACADE DUE TO MEDIA PRESSURE.

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JOSHAGAIN I HAVE TO GET SOME BRATS TO THIS BACK TABLE. THEIR LEINIES IS ALSO GETTING LOW. WE ARE NEARLY OUT OF SUMMER SHANDY, BUT I KNOW THESE FOLKS WILL TAKE THE ORIGINAL.

KERIDON’T YOU KEEP SOME HONEY OR BERRY WEISS IN THE BACK ROOM?

JOSHONCE IN A WHILE WE DO. GUYS DON’T DRINK THAT - IT’S A GIRL DRINK.

KERII’D TRY SOME OF THE HONEY OR BERRY WEISS INSTEAD OF THE ORIGINAL BECAUSE THERE ARE MORE GIRLS THAN GUYS AT THAT TABLE. IN FACT THAT BACK TABLE IS SO EGREGIOUS WITH THEIR WAUSAU SHIRTS ON. I THOUGHT THEY MAKE QUICKIE HOUSES UP THERE?

JOSHYES, THOSE SHIRTS ARE SO UGLY THAT THEY ARE KIND OF IN. YES, THE HOUSES ARE PREFAB - GO UP IN A COUPLE DAYS.

KERIJOSH, IF WE EVER CONNECTED, WOULD YOU WANT A WAUSAU HOUSE?

JOSHWHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT? WE ARE JUST FRIENDS. YOU ARE SAM’S GIRL UNTIL HE SIGNS A DEFINITIVE CONTRACT THAT RELEASES YOU.

KERISO I’M CATCH AND RELEASE AND A LEGAL DOCUMENT ALL IN ONE?

JOSHNO YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND. GUYS WHO ARE FRIENDS DON’T DATE OTHER GUYS’ GIRLS. IT IS THAT SIMPLE. EVEN IF I WAS TOTALLY OVERTAKEN BY YOU, I STILL WOULDN’T DATE YOU BECAUSE SAM COULD WALK IN HERE AND YOU WOULD MELT.

KERIYOU DON’T GET IT JOSH. SAM AND I ARE HISTORY PERIOD. HE MAY HAVE THAT AWFUL MELANIE FOR ALL I CARE. SHE WILL CHASE HIM INTO HIS GRAVE I KID YOU NOT. SHE IS ON A LEVEL WITH THE SOX FANS.

JOSHMELANIE JUST ISN’T THAT BAD. SHE IS CUTE, TALKATIVE, AND............

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KERILOVES TO FLIRT. IN FACT EVERY MORNING SHE AWAKES THINKING FLIRTING. SHE OCCASIONALLY FLIRTS WITH GUYS LIKE YOU, BUT IT IS A PLOY TO GET SAM.

JOSHTO MAKE HIM JEALOUS?

KERIYES AND TO PUT HIM BACK ON HIS KNEES BEGGING FOR HER. SHE IS SO DESPICABLE.

JOSHMORE ZUERCHER’S IN THE BACK CORNER COMING UP.

KERISO ARE YOU SENDING OVER THE FAKE STUFF FROM GREEN COUNTY?

JOSHYES, AND THEY’LL KEEP ON REQUESTING IT. FOR LACK OF A BETTER TERM, THE GREEN COUNTY CHEESE IS THE ORIGINAL ZUERCHER CHEESE. IN FACT MANY OF THE CUSTOMERS ARE ASKING WHERE THEY CAN PURCHASE THIS STUFF.

KERIDECATUR CHEESE FACTORY NEAR MONROE.

JOSHTHAT’S IT, SOUNDS GOOD, BUT YOU STILL CANNOT HAVE A JOB HERE. YOU NEED TO KEEP ON SOCIAL WORKING ALL THE SOX FANS DOWN SOUTH.

KERIMY GOD, CAN YOU IMAGINE IF THE SOX WON THE WORLD SERIES THIS YEAR?

JOSHTHAT WOULD BE REAL TOUGH TO TAKE. MOST CUB FANS WOULD ROOT FOR THE OPPOSING TEAM. YEP - THE HATE FOR THE SOX EXTENDS FAR NORTH ABOVE AND BEYOND THE STEVENSON EXPRESSWAY TO THE NORTH POLE.

KERII JUST HAVE NEVER SEEN SO MANY TOTALLY UGLY FANS AT U.S. CELLU-LAR FIELD.

JOSHEXCUSE ME - MY CELL IS GOING OFF WITH MY MOM ON THE LINE.

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KERIHERE COMES THE RAMPING LECTURE AGAIN. BUT YOUR MOM IS RIGHT ON.

JOSHYES MOM, I REALIZE IT’S 4TH DOWN AND 20 TO GO. I WILL START TO SERIOUSLY REVIEW MY PRIORITIES REGARDING THE CUBS, WORK, AND GIRLS.

KERIWOW JOSH. DO YOU REALLY MEAN THIS STUFF YOU JUST SAID TO YOUR MOM?

JOSHYOU DON’T SAY NO TO MOM. IF SHE’S NOT HAPPY, NO ONE IN CHI-CAGO IS HAPPY. I 100% GUARANTEE THAT. I GUESS I’LL CALL MELA-NIE.

KERINO FLIPPIN WAY. YOU ARE NOT CALLING THAT HOME SCHOOLED UNFORTUNATE CHUNK OF LIVING ABERRANT DNA WHO HAPPENS TO BE FEMALE.

JOSHWHY NOT? MEL IS LOOKING FOR A SERIOUS GUY, AND SAM WILL NEVER MARRY HER. MAYBE I SHOULD MAKE A PLAY?

KERIWE NEED TO SERIOUSLY TALK JOSH. YOU ARE ESSENTIALLY SCREWED UP FROM TOP TO BOTTOM. A MELANIE MARRIAGE WILL LEAD TO A DIVORCE FOR ANYONE. EVERYONE ON BOTH SIDES WILL DIVORCE ALSO – BROTHERS, SISTERS, PARENTS, AND GRANDPARENTS. SHE IS NO LESS THAN A NUCLEAR BOMB. I’M DISALLOWING THE REUNION OF YOU TWO PERIOD. NO WAY!

JOSHOK, THEN WHO?

KERIWELL LET’S SEE. THERE IS THE GIRL FROM LAKE GENEVA, THE ONE FROM GREEN LAKE, RACINE, THAT LAW STUDY PARTNER YOU ONCE HAD, AND LET’S THINK AGAIN.....WHAT ABOUT ME?

JOSHSO I HAVE A CHOICE LIKE THE BACHELOR?

KERIIN A WAY YES, IN A WAY NO. THE CHOICE HAS TO GO THROUGH ME. I’LL HELP YOU NARROW IT DOWN.

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JOSHHOW WILL YOU DO THIS? THESE GALS OTHER THAN YOU AND MEL ARE JUST TWITTER PEOPLE THAT FOLLOW.

KERIWELL LET’S NARROW IT DOWN LIKE THE BACHELOR DOES. WHO LIKES CUBS BASEBALL? ME! WHO WANTS TO HAVE KIDS AND PLEASE YOUR MOM? ME! WHO IS NOT ALL HUNG UP ABOUT THEIR FEMALE CA-REER? ME! WHO IS CUTE AND WOULD STILL ALLOW A FULL SHOWING OF BEARS GAMES? ME! WHO DOESN’T MIND THE DELLS? ME!

JOSHI GET THE DRIFT. THAT WOULD END OUR FRIENDSHIP KERI. YOU ARE LIKE A GUY IN HERE. THAT IS HOW ALL OF US GUYS THINK OF YOU - THE ULTIMATE TOMBOY.

KERINOT TO OVER REACT OR ANYTHING, BUT I THINK I’LL JUST HANG AT BERNIE’S. THAT IS A MORE DATING CROWD. 20 SOMETHINGS LOOK-ING TO CONNECT AND DO SOMETHING WITH THEIR LIVES, MEET THE RIGHT PEOPLE, AND RAMP. YOUR MOM IS RIGHT. JOSH YOU ARE 13 GOING ON 13 AND A HALF. YOUR MATURITY LEVEL IS BELOW THE CHARTS. ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS THE CUBS WINNING THE WORLD SERIES WHICH MAY NEVER HAPPEN; AND THESE BORDER PEOPLE NORTH OF HERE. I GUESS I’LL FIND MY OWN DATE TO THE PITTS-BURGH SERIES.

JOSHNO WAY. I’M PICKING YOU UP AND TAKING YOU TO TUSCANY ON CLARK BEFORE THE GAME.

KERII’M GOING TO PASS OUT; AND IT’S NOT FROM THE LEINIES!

END - CLARK AND ADDISON XVIII